Kind One's,
I would be lieing if I didn't say that I feel a bit beat up about and over these past three weeks of March 2013. In twenty calender days I have had ten days when I had one or more appointments, if I were to include the morrows celebration of my Wife's birth, that raises the bar to eleven appointments in twenty one days. My Hitting Average would be off the charts...
...I mean, really?
There has been one MRI, two sterile procedures done on my scalp. One was the surgical removal of more of my scalp. Soon, my left scalp will look like the giant satellite disc in Puerto Rico. Oh yeah, deep, wide and round, just like in the movies. My right good dear Doctor avenges his people by Scalping a Modern Day Mix Breed. I have no doubt. A young Alabama Feller too. All of this going on on the left side of my bobble head near the implant. It was just two day's prior to this snip-n-cut, that I had many injections of medically necessary Botox, also known as The Neuro Pain Botox Injections. These have provided a peculiar side affect or two. And, Good-Damned-Day, I have had side affects. One, and perhaps the most troublesome is that these injections have proved futile to combating the pains and discomfort in shoulder, pains in my skull, pains in my neck, the spiders and worms, the feckin' facial spasms have continued. Other than creating a temporary permanent affect on my eye brows and my forehead - I can't squish up my fore-head, but my eyes look as if I am angry and squinting my beautiful hazel/brown eye orbs and my right eye brow has this awesome crooked raise to it. Wait. Rather like Sherlock Holmes, back when Sir Basil Rathbourne, was my favorite detective. I try to make my face do other wise, but nope, not yet. Not yet.
Sure is time to get gone.
I would love to let Folks know that I am breathing. I promise. I inhale to the count of seven, then when ready, exhale to the count of seven, then, extend the inhale and exhale, and just earlier this evening, I was able to go deep into a sound, safe and deep place. So deep and so-away-from-here, I was startled back here by the whimpering of my hound Ting Ting, having a bad dream, as she laid next to her Grampy. Her, One and Only Ole Grampy, you see.
By the way, I did visit with the opthomalogist today and have been kindly informed that I have the cataract's and that there will be surgery associated with this within the next two to three years. Wait a minute, my dear younger than my youngest informed and shared with me what it is that my right eye looks like, in a model form My Dears, in model form. I am not thrilled about this news, but I am not surprised neither, as I have had my mind-set wrapped around the concept that my right eye was acting fucked up. I just didn't want to bitch and moan about this, or that I had noticed a marked change in vision and simply associated it as something related to the Meniere's Disease.
With out a second thought, I have been associating the change in vision with the Meniere's Disease...
...it is as if this Meniere's Disease became the, Shit! that's-what-it-is pile, on the laundry room floor. Like it became the catch all for all the shit that has gone on in my life and Path since we learned what it was we were and I have been chasing, that being that damned, Meniere's Disease. And the symptom's of Meniere's and it is always a good day to die.
Life Happens, everyday around me, all around me, kind of living. It's too late to turn back now. Seen?
When I include my Circle's with the Circle's of other's, there is always a sense of life happening. When I've fallen, I have gotten up, brushed myselve's off and moved along. That's my business, I am my business and we have already covered this subject before. I know. Just as a reminder, my body, mind, health and Spirit's are my business.
This is what I get up for. My Life and Life Happening...
...part of life happening is "getting read" from time to time. I hope some of my readers might know what I refer to when I say "getting read". It is when some one and or another puts their face in your face and tells 'you' about myself. Baby, look, I am still dealing with and am still reading and re-reading this biography of me over and over again. This reading I had Thursday, that was passed on to me by my therapist from Voc. Creations and my counselor at Voc. Rehab., has rocked my world. My God, it really has.
There is an urgency in my heart and center on keeping my appointment with my therapist, Sir Dude, come Wednesday, 27 March. Look, I want to see him so bad, I wish my appointment was on Monday. And hell yes, I am serious. The 27th, is also the day my youngest child flies off to Abu Dhabi, UAE, to spend time with her sister, my eldest, who I sub-suppose has met her Dear Arabian Knight. I speculate he is a fine young Man with Noble Dreams, a very strong belief in Allah and Family. His People's Energy flow through this young man to my daughter. Of course, I see this in her eye's. Her smile when they are together and the spark that's in the air. My God, if I were in her shoe's I'd be doing the same thing, Honey...
...oh yeah, life is happening damn it and it is happening at full warp speed ahead, Captain Jim. My Good God.
Honestly, at this moment, with the sweat around my forehead, the gag and nausea in my throat, the dizziness in my brains and the feckin' locusts, cicadas and crickets are in a competition to see and hear who can preform the loudest. We've had some good rain lately, so I asked Botswana, my wife, if she heard the racket out back, she said she did not. There was no noise other than the loud disgusting torment going on in both ears. The Deaf one and the one that is losing sound. I tell ya, wearing these moccasins are huge reasons why I keep on going on. Yes, please do believe I have visited the place of dread and gloom and have been at the point of thinking I was on the brink of madness.
Um, No Ma'am, I can't let that go like that. I share now that I have stood at the cliff of an angry madness and I have looked down into the pits of a life often surrounded by fucking pure and utter madness. When an individual has placed a loaded weapon to the temple and cried with my finger on the trigger, then when I couldn't, I pointed the weapon at my other head and wept, with it loaded and my finger on the trigger.
I know in my heart that there have been times when I had lost my mind. When I have lost my mind. I mean, for fucks sake, how is somebody really going to gage and grade my inner thoughts, my sadness and the madness on one or two visits of a few hours or so? I am not sure, but I think the reading of Me to my Face, was so too very rocking to me and my world. Rather high up there on the seismic scale, it was.
There was and has been so much information and data composed and shared over the last week. I feel an over-load between these two ears and for now, I'm okay with it.
I'll see Sir Dude soon and yes, I know I'm ruminating. Gotta go.
Ciao Bella's...
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