Kind One's,
I am here attempting to settle and gain some sense of the direction of this Meniere's rubbish that has played such an ugly and frustrating part of my day today. From the moment I awoke, I wiggled my toes, smiled and waited for my right good-bad ear to wake up - I have been troubled by the Meniere's Disease. This is not uncommon with my Meniere's, this morning was not the first time I woke up before my ear and I am positive it won't be the last. I am not being overly sensitive on this subject neither, it is just a matter of fact that one day I will wake up and wait for the remainder of my days here on Mother Earth, for it to decide to wake. It is a stressful scenario, a bitter knowing because of the many times my right ear has switched off and the way I wake and it can be one heck of an ugly way to have to stir first thing in the morning, but this waiting has become a part of my life. No, I do not want to be Deaf, but I am forced to have to look at this as a serious potential in my future. There's nothing I can do but prepare, and sadly a huge chunk of this preparation was dashed with one conversation. There will be more talks, I know this so I am not giving up. My counselor and I have had one follow up talk about the conversation informing me that classes would not be paid for. This talk had been made by several representatives in my Team Circle. This is very frustrating. My dear reader, imagine such a betrayal and a snap shot of my disappoint is crystal clear.
I am clear on today's Meniere's Disease symptoms. The nausea has been problematic, I vomited into my mouth twice. Once in Hospital and second on my way home post procedure. I have been dizzy for most of my life today and am dizzy at this moment. I am perspiring and have been at some range of perspiration, sweating and misting all day. All damned day, I have sweat.
The roaring noises have affected both of my ears today. Both the Left Deaf and the Good-Bad Right Ear. Wait one second, let me share something before I forget it. Today during the BOTOX Procedure, I was able to hear one particular injection that was nearest to my implant. I am curious now as to whether this is what pulled the trigger on my going into shock. Yes, BOTOX. Which is the injection of choice by She-With-Many-Names, a series of three multiple BOTOX injections to aid with the facial spasms, the cluster pains and the numerous neurologically related issues. Of which, are issues related to the Meniere's because of the numerous surgeries, operations and procedures I have had because of the Meniere's Disease. Come day after tomorrow, I shall have my scalp examined by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, if he sees fit to cut my skull again, I will say yes again.
My Team's and I are not stopping now. Even with the Meniere's Disease, it's cornucopia of symptoms and these tortured pains that I have lived with for years and so very many years, there will be no quitting. Seen.
In retrospect, it just about makes me sick to know that I have suffered so needlessly for these very same damned years. No, we're not stopping and most importantly, I'm not going to stop...
...the doctor administering the BOTOX injections asked me when I went into 'wuss mode' if I wanted to stop. My exact reply was "fuck no, Doc., were not stopping this shit now". For real. I believe that if I were to stop my forward motion, the Meniere's Disease would be victorious. Not I.
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