Hello Relations,
Pardon me for not reporting on how all and everything went with my visit yesterday with Dr. N., also know, as He-Who-Knows-My-Mind, my psychiatrist you see. All went exceptionally well. I mean this in the most appreciative of ways. I really do suspect that yesterday was my next to the last, if not THE last visit with Dr. N. We had our face-to-face and I communicated with He, that I have maintained visitations with Sir Dude, my therapist and that I have been seriously contemplating moving on from the psychiatry aspect of My Team For Better Health, Mind and Body. I assured him that I was perfectly aware of how to reach out, but really - my medication could be dispensed by my primary physician, She-Who-Has-Seen-Me-All. As "The One", inside this skin, I just think and feel the timing is right on spot and in six months I will part ways.
Later this afternoon I have a face-to-face with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am not happy with the direction this wound immediately above my implant, has healed. I expect the same vibe from him...
...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, is the one who diagnosed me four years ago. He is the one and only to do procedures, operations and surgery's on my skull. He is the only person on the face of Mother Earth who has ever touched my brain. The only doctor to cut the skin and bone on my skull on multiple occasions. Yes, the only one. I have this cosmic connection with doctor and I love him so much. This wound continues to pass fluids that are combination of blood and fluids from within my scalp. I feel certain that doctor will not be happy.
By the way, it is horribly obvious to me that there will be more surgery on this very site - very soon. There are three lumps directly above my abutment that would be in direct contact with my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Due to the weeping wound, I am unable to wear it anyway-anyhow. I have been SSD, Single Side Deaf, and recently reported to be OOS, Out of Sound, by them who create and manufacture this instrument meant to provide relief, hearing and healing. I must say, there has been too much disappoint with it up to this minute. Just too much for my BAHA and I. Since late March of this year I have lived without it - as with every procedure and or surgery. Deaf as a concrete block...
...my sister, She-Has-A-Beautiful-Smile, recently proclaimed via telephone, (because I could hear she had the same television program on the television), that "Oh, now, you see, you can hear so much better!" Bless her heart. I miss you, my sister Rosie!
Woke up late this morning at 0815, with the Meniere's wide awake with me. There is an ugly knot of nausea in my throat. Non-productive up to this minute, other than the occasional burp of medicine flavour that is. My head spins lightly - constantly. I am perspiring and sweating enough that I have already decided that I will shower prior to leaving for doctor's clinic. The dizziness has made for an interesting morning thus far. I so hope it will subside directly. Being tipsy first thing in the morning is not my cup of tea.
Note To Self: Do not ever coordinate back-to-back-to-back appointments again! Two ride abouts on the Little Bus/Mass Transit and today, a trip with the In-Laws for the visit with Dr. Danner, has me feeling quite exhausted. Yes, the appointments thus far have been exceptional. But, damn.
I must admit that I carry a bit of anxiety in my heart about today's appointment. Will he cut and slice today?
My appointment to have the stitches removed is 07 May 2012. I am not sure if I can wait that long for the procedure. There is one stitch that has actually cut through my skin/wound where the cancer was removed. I'm thinking that I might remove a couple myself. I have not yet placed the ash of white sage upon it and really, it may be to late. (I very much dislike the flavor of medicine) This wound is under my right arm near the bicep and I was instructed to not lift weights until removal of stitches and have the approval by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Please. I have decided that I will take this into my own hands and begin lifting weights much sooner than later. My muscles scream for the burning sensation in my arms. They yearn for attention. It is time.
Speaking of burning sensations, I really must inform doctor that when I rub the top of my head, as in washing, drying or a simple massage - my scalp burns bad. From the inside out and I am puzzled. So,I'll speak with the expert on the matter in a short three hours.
Relations, if I may, I wish to share something with you. Since 06 April 2012, the day of my bad bleeding, I believe I see My Path and Life through different eyes. My Center feels a calm that was not there prior to seeing my life passing that morning. Seeing so much of my life, my blood and bleeding for what seemed non-stop, seeing the amount of my life force bleed onto my skin and onto and into my t-shirt...
...where a pudding of pure blood had formed...I had no fear, no tears...
...seeing the blood in the toilet, sliding down the commode and bath tub. Observing bits and pieces of my inner head ooze mystery lumps and clots and white matter. The clots that collected on the back of my head that became attached to my curls while I laid in my bath tub.
I had an incredible peace in and all about me. I had no readings nor did I have any visions with the eyes. I did have Spiritual Visions from within, as if The Great Mystery was speaking to me through my minds eye. I have not shared this with anyone to the best of my memory. You see, if It was to be, I knew that if I were to have died that beautiful day, I would've been okay with it.
Yes, my Center, Core and Spirit's, do see Life differently. I feel my Earth Mother pulsate through my body daily. I see my fellow Humankind differently. There is no room in my center for the evil and negative energies of others to stay and or remain. I believe even stronger today, that it is a must for me to remove the whatever from my mind. My Path. It's the very rubbish that creates and collects nothing but stress, anxiety and hurt.
Enough is enough.
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