Dearest Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Greetings,
Please let me share this. It won't take long, just a couple of minutes or so. I've got to be strong now, so pardon me should I get involved with these words I wish to tip-tap...
...I see this necessary, so if you are offended by truths, profane words or are homophobic, please skip this entry.
There's a political preacher man in North Carolina, U.S. of A., who has come up with this stupid ass'ed idea that has boggled my innards so bad I have had to force myself to remember I and the we of us live here in America. The home of the brave and the damned fools. Some of which are linked to me by Kinship. This is the only way I would associate with Mules and Jack Ass's, is by having the be related. My tolerance level for fools such as these is minimal at best, so I do not waste breathe nor time associating with Donkeys such as this political man in North Carolina...
...nor do I have time for the likes of the White Trash Preacher in Gainsville, Florida, who insists on burning Koran's. What a fool. No, let me rephrase that, what a damned fool and donkey.
Let me share this while I am at this, there is no doubt I would take full blame for bitch slapping the both. There must be a rule some where in this country's proclamations that would protect the majority from fucking donkey's such as these two and more even if I would consider it. But, I won't. These two fools are enough.
This political preacher man scum from North Carolina, wishes to create a concentration camp where all Gay Men and Lesbian Women would be stored. Enslaved and left to die. What an idiot! As are the people who voted for the mule who has spoken these words. Imagine, to even utter the word concentration camps as something "he" wants to establish is absolutly hideous.
I would not mourn the loss of neither to whatever exit God may have in store for them. I mean, really. Here we are and live in the year 2012 - the U.S. of A. and the rights of a peoples are being voided by the Federals. Threats of violence and concentration camps. Here in America. My Home Land. This fool lives in MY South Eastern United States of America. I love my country!
Back in the 1990's there was an estimate that one in ten people were Gay, Lesbian and or Bi-sexual. We are twenty years since and in my simple mind - I suspect the percentages are much greater today. what, with Baby Gay's and Gurrls, our youth, our middle aged and the very many of our Elders...
...woke up thinking just this way of the breeze. The good side of my bed. Thankful to have awoken on such a Blue Florida day sky and there's a mighty hot Florida afternoon going on out of doors. This approaching weekend our Gay community here in Tampa, has a massive gathering of Gay Folk in celebration of the pride in our community. Where thousands upon thousands will march, celebrate, and have jovial times. On the next week end a gathering in Saint Petersburg, Florida, will have celebtrations where tens of thousands will attend and participate their Pride.
More than celebrate our Pride, the times of silence must be broken and stirred up again...
...it's simple like that.
The time has come where it is necessary for Kinfolk and Kindred in our Gay Community's across the Bay, must will, unite and prepare to fight.
"Concentration Camp", spoken in the Halls of a Government House. Here in the U.S.
I thank Great Spirit, for providing me with the Bounty of Blessings in my life and My Path. I am Blessed to know and say that if "any one person in uniform or not in uniform, knocks on my front door", to collect me or Kin, I am very prepared to fight to the death for my freedom. For my Kinships and Kindred's freedom.
I am prepared to die.
There was a time when I wore the Olive Drab Green uniform of this country's Army. I was a "good" solider. Maybe not a John Wayne sort of solider, but a damned good kid who would have taken a bullet for my close friends and fellow soldiers. I was provided and Honorable Discharge from my Army by rumours. Because of words spoken by unscrupulous Folks...
...I have no fuckin' doubt that Karma has visited them who betrayed me and my time in this country's military. Today, I would have been but a passing thought or glance in uniform. Being known only for my hard work, dedication and energy's of peace has been my purpose all of my life. The miltary appreciates soliders like me. I know this by experiance. Oh, how my Spirit's ache. My memories serve me far too well, you see.. I have been not ready to forgive these two or three for decades. It's difficult to imagine that Folks who betray other's go on with a clear minded way of life. I can't see it in my minds eye orb. My tolerance for these type of people equal to no more than centimeters.
I am not an Angel and have never claimed to be one. I have made a life time of error's and moments where irresponsibility played a roll. When and where circumstances were dictated by my Great Spirit swiftly and justified. I am Blessed today because of these lessons learned. Neither am I a fool. I have learned to establish boundaries and establish them with a steadfast stance. I don't know how my heart and body have made these fifty two years and going on. Foolishness and fools have had their presence in my shadow's. Just not any fucking more.
I am a father to two of the most extraordinary Adult Children that One has a right to be associated with. I love them with all my heart, mind, body and Spirit's. My Bride of thirty two years is a brilliant and beautiful Woman, She-Who-Stands-Tall. My very life knows just how Blessed I am with the three. How very Blessed in fact, I am.
Wrapping this up really quick like by saying I will fight to my death before I or any of my Relations are placed into concentration camps...
...these politicos must realize this idiot is a mockery of such an office. AND, don't these politico's even realize there would be revolution in America...
...should this country even approach this sickening and hideous process of separation and segregation, more than blood will be shed.
It's so simple like that.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Grace Jones - Slave To The Rhythm
This has been one of my Top 5 Grace Jones songs since the 1970's. I love her as if she was Kinfolk. Always have - always will. Was able to see Miss. Jones, in concert and it is still a show I will never - ever forget. Oh, if I could hug her...
...I suspect Lady Gaga, (I'm a Baby Monster) picked up a few visual clues on wardrobe right here.
I miss you Miss. Grace!! You are and will always be a DIVA too me!
Love you all,
Mario
Twenty Seven Pounds
Greetings.
May I speak about twenty seven pounds, please?
I am not speaking of the UK pounds, I am speaking about the twenty seven pounds that I have rid my body of since 26 March 2012.
Twenty seven pounds are 12.26 kilo. Nope, don't like the sound of 12.26. Twenty seven sounds like a hell of a lot more weight. I am eager to say thirty pounds. This loss in less than two months. So sweet! No, I am no longer concerned with the amount of weight lost in such a short period of time. It's a good number and if I would continue at this pace, a change in clothing will be required. Damned near there now. So much so that it was necessary to poke a hole through my belt to secure my pants and shorts to my frame...
...speaking of frame, it appears that not only have my arms responded well to the lifting of simple weights, but this has also benefited my hands, and wrists, but this has also benefited my shoulders and chest. I reckon it makes sense, loss of weight and simple exercise would equal less fat and more muscle. A bit more structure to upper body too...
...topped off with a handsome slim neck and this huge bobble head up top. Man please, I lose much more and I'll be headed towards a rather slimmer me.
(I think that would cheer me up some. Ya think?)
Okay now, let me break this twenty seven down a bit...
1. One ten pound bag of sugar. (I'm a sweet dude).
2. One five pound bag of rice.
3. One ten pound sack of potato's.
4. One pound of bacon.
5. One pound tub of butter...
...twenty seven pounds of grocery's.
Dude, Damn.
May I speak about twenty seven pounds, please?
I am not speaking of the UK pounds, I am speaking about the twenty seven pounds that I have rid my body of since 26 March 2012.
Twenty seven pounds are 12.26 kilo. Nope, don't like the sound of 12.26. Twenty seven sounds like a hell of a lot more weight. I am eager to say thirty pounds. This loss in less than two months. So sweet! No, I am no longer concerned with the amount of weight lost in such a short period of time. It's a good number and if I would continue at this pace, a change in clothing will be required. Damned near there now. So much so that it was necessary to poke a hole through my belt to secure my pants and shorts to my frame...
...speaking of frame, it appears that not only have my arms responded well to the lifting of simple weights, but this has also benefited my hands, and wrists, but this has also benefited my shoulders and chest. I reckon it makes sense, loss of weight and simple exercise would equal less fat and more muscle. A bit more structure to upper body too...
...topped off with a handsome slim neck and this huge bobble head up top. Man please, I lose much more and I'll be headed towards a rather slimmer me.
(I think that would cheer me up some. Ya think?)
Okay now, let me break this twenty seven down a bit...
1. One ten pound bag of sugar. (I'm a sweet dude).
2. One five pound bag of rice.
3. One ten pound sack of potato's.
4. One pound of bacon.
5. One pound tub of butter...
...twenty seven pounds of grocery's.
Dude, Damn.
Talks From The Blood
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
I talk from a good place today.
My heart and mind continue to carry a form of sadness. I do not know why this continues as it does. I swallow the razor edged pill directed by He-Who-Knows-My-Mind. The rest, I figure it is up to my energies, vibrations, faith and self-preservation to gather my gear and continue to push onward.
Today, I speak from the blood.
The man that I used to be has moved on. Again. I have changed and have become yet another Human Spirit in a multitude of ways and means. My eye orbs and my One Ear, have been adjusting since the deafness came. My mind too. My Spirit's too...
...I remember a time when I was so very swift on my feet and able to perform multi-tasking as an art. Those were the days of four years or so ago. Today, I dream about those days and have fond memories of being with fellow partners working as One Team. These Kindred, I say in a heart felt way, prepared me in ways I am unable to describe. There was this living energy.
I still carry this energy, just in a different place and have the energies vibrate on a different plain. I push and I push. How can I not?
Preparations for the surgery that heads this way, continue. No pun intended. These words I share are shared in the blood. There is no lie or story . Six days down My Path, I will be placed under anesthesia for yet another operation.
I-Might-Be-A-Guinea-Pig, will soon be my name...
...if not for Great Spirit, She-Who-Walks-Tall, my Honorable Daughters, #1 and #2, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, Old Kindred One and Spirit's that come and go, I would have gone mad and housed in an asylum for three years, three months, three weeks, three days, three hours, three minutes and three seconds...
...it was back in 1990, that a well known psychologist proclaimed as facilitator of a group I participated in, that I had more personality's than Sybil. I thanked him and never debated the diagnosis. This was not new news for me, but I had not ever considered such a place to be in. There I was way back then and here I am today. Blessed.
My Dear God! Creator of all That-Is-As-It-Is, wasn't life so beautiful back then? Isn't life so beautiful now?
Yes, life is so beautiful.
In my blood, I carry the blood of those who came before me. One is not to speak of the blood with lies and make believe. That practice betrays the elders and them who have passed on. The Blood is from every branch of my Heritage. Then, there is the very DNA that is very only mine and touches my Soul because I am One. One and only One me. One very different and unique individual Human Spirit dwelling within this Humans Skin...
...and the blood is as I am. Although there are times when my heart is bad and my energies depleted - I am and reside with-in a beautiful person and life...
...and life is too beautiful to waste.
One.
I talk from a good place today.
My heart and mind continue to carry a form of sadness. I do not know why this continues as it does. I swallow the razor edged pill directed by He-Who-Knows-My-Mind. The rest, I figure it is up to my energies, vibrations, faith and self-preservation to gather my gear and continue to push onward.
Today, I speak from the blood.
The man that I used to be has moved on. Again. I have changed and have become yet another Human Spirit in a multitude of ways and means. My eye orbs and my One Ear, have been adjusting since the deafness came. My mind too. My Spirit's too...
...I remember a time when I was so very swift on my feet and able to perform multi-tasking as an art. Those were the days of four years or so ago. Today, I dream about those days and have fond memories of being with fellow partners working as One Team. These Kindred, I say in a heart felt way, prepared me in ways I am unable to describe. There was this living energy.
I still carry this energy, just in a different place and have the energies vibrate on a different plain. I push and I push. How can I not?
Preparations for the surgery that heads this way, continue. No pun intended. These words I share are shared in the blood. There is no lie or story . Six days down My Path, I will be placed under anesthesia for yet another operation.
I-Might-Be-A-Guinea-Pig, will soon be my name...
...if not for Great Spirit, She-Who-Walks-Tall, my Honorable Daughters, #1 and #2, She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, Old Kindred One and Spirit's that come and go, I would have gone mad and housed in an asylum for three years, three months, three weeks, three days, three hours, three minutes and three seconds...
...it was back in 1990, that a well known psychologist proclaimed as facilitator of a group I participated in, that I had more personality's than Sybil. I thanked him and never debated the diagnosis. This was not new news for me, but I had not ever considered such a place to be in. There I was way back then and here I am today. Blessed.
My Dear God! Creator of all That-Is-As-It-Is, wasn't life so beautiful back then? Isn't life so beautiful now?
Yes, life is so beautiful.
In my blood, I carry the blood of those who came before me. One is not to speak of the blood with lies and make believe. That practice betrays the elders and them who have passed on. The Blood is from every branch of my Heritage. Then, there is the very DNA that is very only mine and touches my Soul because I am One. One and only One me. One very different and unique individual Human Spirit dwelling within this Humans Skin...
...and the blood is as I am. Although there are times when my heart is bad and my energies depleted - I am and reside with-in a beautiful person and life...
...and life is too beautiful to waste.
One.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Meniere's Disease, Hearing Loss/Lost And Life Changes
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
With Hearing Loss, everything in life changes...
...when a person goes deaf in an ear. It is devastating to the one who has lost something so precious. Perceptions based on sounds are thrown off. What sounds like somethings over here when it's actually over there. Seldom is there not a start - there usually is a startle or fright when it is created by a humans voice. There's just something eerie about the whole miss-match with the noise I do hear.
The sounds and noises I am listening to between my ears are sounds from within. There have been times when this has created a startled affect, if not all out fright and yes, I have screamed.
Meniere's Disease, has taken my hearing. It has taken my lively hood. It has created a cluster fuck of issues with my balance and coordination and so much more. I noticed today while gardening that if I combine a quad cane and another source to assist with balance I feel steady and almost certain...
...but then I remember, there is absolutely not a damned thing certain about Meniere's Disease. This is the price you pay when this disease has you by the neck.
Today, I have felt strong. I was in a place to nest and be productive. It has felt good and my heart has cheered a bit. These past few weeks have been troubling for me. I am aware that I permitted depression's ugly head to emerge and affect my day to day life style. Since the last Meniere's attack I have slept what I can only describe as mind blowing amount of sleep. An oddity involved with this Mother's Day vertigo attack is that I have had spells where I did not sleep for one day and a half on two different occasions.
My energy's and Center have been contrary and almost presenting an enigma for self-inventory.
Where do I begin? How do I remember to remind myself to focus? Sometimes this bull shit disease has me so flustered that I am unable to maintain a descent level of energies and vibrations for me and through-out Earth Mother and beyond.
The sounds I mentioned earlier have been a helicopter chop-chop-chopping in my left Deaf ear. My right hard of hearing ear has me listening to thousands of crickets and cicadas. So loud, these foiken crickets. There was an engine of some sort sitting in my back yard earlier today. I reckon it was a Swamp Boat. I'm not knowing.
My balance has been bad and off today. I mean, bad enough that I knew I had to come in or risk falling and harming myself. The idea I mentioned earlier about two walking apparatuses has me curious. Am item sort of like what Kindred Germans use for walk abouts.
Dizziness has had a roll in my today. I would grade it a Six at this moment. As I would the knot of nausea in my throat.
Fortunately, I remember to share that the wound from the last surgery - HAS NOT healed. The fluid continues to pass from this site. In ten days there will be another operation at the very same site.
All of this and all of which is Meniere's Disease related...
...Life Changes.
With Hearing Loss, everything in life changes...
...when a person goes deaf in an ear. It is devastating to the one who has lost something so precious. Perceptions based on sounds are thrown off. What sounds like somethings over here when it's actually over there. Seldom is there not a start - there usually is a startle or fright when it is created by a humans voice. There's just something eerie about the whole miss-match with the noise I do hear.
The sounds and noises I am listening to between my ears are sounds from within. There have been times when this has created a startled affect, if not all out fright and yes, I have screamed.
Meniere's Disease, has taken my hearing. It has taken my lively hood. It has created a cluster fuck of issues with my balance and coordination and so much more. I noticed today while gardening that if I combine a quad cane and another source to assist with balance I feel steady and almost certain...
...but then I remember, there is absolutely not a damned thing certain about Meniere's Disease. This is the price you pay when this disease has you by the neck.
Today, I have felt strong. I was in a place to nest and be productive. It has felt good and my heart has cheered a bit. These past few weeks have been troubling for me. I am aware that I permitted depression's ugly head to emerge and affect my day to day life style. Since the last Meniere's attack I have slept what I can only describe as mind blowing amount of sleep. An oddity involved with this Mother's Day vertigo attack is that I have had spells where I did not sleep for one day and a half on two different occasions.
My energy's and Center have been contrary and almost presenting an enigma for self-inventory.
Where do I begin? How do I remember to remind myself to focus? Sometimes this bull shit disease has me so flustered that I am unable to maintain a descent level of energies and vibrations for me and through-out Earth Mother and beyond.
The sounds I mentioned earlier have been a helicopter chop-chop-chopping in my left Deaf ear. My right hard of hearing ear has me listening to thousands of crickets and cicadas. So loud, these foiken crickets. There was an engine of some sort sitting in my back yard earlier today. I reckon it was a Swamp Boat. I'm not knowing.
My balance has been bad and off today. I mean, bad enough that I knew I had to come in or risk falling and harming myself. The idea I mentioned earlier about two walking apparatuses has me curious. Am item sort of like what Kindred Germans use for walk abouts.
Dizziness has had a roll in my today. I would grade it a Six at this moment. As I would the knot of nausea in my throat.
Fortunately, I remember to share that the wound from the last surgery - HAS NOT healed. The fluid continues to pass from this site. In ten days there will be another operation at the very same site.
All of this and all of which is Meniere's Disease related...
...Life Changes.
The Sanctuary, She-Who-Walks-Tall And Her Nest
Peace,
Have come in from out of doors for a quick glass of Iced Bigelow, Green Tea with Pomegranate. A joyful tea. An inspiring tea. My plan is to return to the North West yard and garden's as soon as I have had my 10 minute break..
The South West gardens have been attended to, as have the South East yard. The North East gardens, Central Park (shaped in a peculiar form), and a small path of Italian Cypress's that grow tall and swiftly. The North West yard and gardens are Spiritual and we have Sacred Ground here. This is the Center of this part of our "North 40". There's a Cactus garden, a large white sand Zen garden that is free of weeds and grass. This garden is shaped in the form of a very large arrow head pointed West ward. The Red Earth with special gems and stones amongst the thick layers of this Sacred Red Earth from through-out the South Eastern United States Of America. Yes, I do pray back there. Sometimes I witness Shape Shifters, have Visions and am able to connect with Great Spirit. There really is but one God, you all. I assure you of this...
...so I garden and keep a nice nest for my wife, She-Who-Walks-Tall.There is one more minor task I wish to resolve before having my next surgery. I'll have a big dent done before the 4th of June 2012. The Sanctuary, looks clean and well maintained. I am blessed to have Freedom Lawn Care, provide excellent service time and time again. This young Man, has kept our fee the same since we moved in six years ago. He mows the grass and whacks the weeds - while I attend to my gardens. I keep them simple you see, drought tolerant and the such. This Sanctuary, has our Lodge in it's Center. This is a handsome place to create sanctuary for all. For all of Great Spirit's Winged Ones, the four legs and the turtles that visit every few years or so...
...Fellow Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations, I have had Kindred who betrayed me return to this humble abode time and time again. With prayer and ceremony, I forgive once, maybe twice. Once One has gone too far or has betrayed me again - that is when and where I have learned to let loose of folk. It's taken a life time to figure it out, but then, that figures. The point is that there are times when I can truly empathize with the One who has betrayed me. Sometimes business is business. Sometimes, I am sad and have a heavy heart for them. Those I call the Lost One's. I was once Lost, but then, I was found long and along time ago. I Am Blessed.
I have pushed good and hard today. I have accomplished something and it feels pretty damned good. I will be indirectly excusing myself for a return to the North West gardens. I have also done some stress lifts for my arms. I enjoy watching the veins begin to come to the surface of my muscles. It's so hot.
So I push. I may hear She-Who-Walks-Tall say, "Don't push yourself, Babe". "Don't push too far, Babe."...
"I" do listen Sweetie Pie, but I may not agree with that approach. Spouse and Kindred, I really have not found where that that point is. I won't know how far too far is until I reach that place.
I am afraid of this next operation for some reason. Don't know why yet, but I am contemplating. I don't want this negative energy with me or around me. Please, send good vibes this way for me.
How bizarre.
This is sanctuary...
Have come in from out of doors for a quick glass of Iced Bigelow, Green Tea with Pomegranate. A joyful tea. An inspiring tea. My plan is to return to the North West yard and garden's as soon as I have had my 10 minute break..
The South West gardens have been attended to, as have the South East yard. The North East gardens, Central Park (shaped in a peculiar form), and a small path of Italian Cypress's that grow tall and swiftly. The North West yard and gardens are Spiritual and we have Sacred Ground here. This is the Center of this part of our "North 40". There's a Cactus garden, a large white sand Zen garden that is free of weeds and grass. This garden is shaped in the form of a very large arrow head pointed West ward. The Red Earth with special gems and stones amongst the thick layers of this Sacred Red Earth from through-out the South Eastern United States Of America. Yes, I do pray back there. Sometimes I witness Shape Shifters, have Visions and am able to connect with Great Spirit. There really is but one God, you all. I assure you of this...
...so I garden and keep a nice nest for my wife, She-Who-Walks-Tall.There is one more minor task I wish to resolve before having my next surgery. I'll have a big dent done before the 4th of June 2012. The Sanctuary, looks clean and well maintained. I am blessed to have Freedom Lawn Care, provide excellent service time and time again. This young Man, has kept our fee the same since we moved in six years ago. He mows the grass and whacks the weeds - while I attend to my gardens. I keep them simple you see, drought tolerant and the such. This Sanctuary, has our Lodge in it's Center. This is a handsome place to create sanctuary for all. For all of Great Spirit's Winged Ones, the four legs and the turtles that visit every few years or so...
...Fellow Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations, I have had Kindred who betrayed me return to this humble abode time and time again. With prayer and ceremony, I forgive once, maybe twice. Once One has gone too far or has betrayed me again - that is when and where I have learned to let loose of folk. It's taken a life time to figure it out, but then, that figures. The point is that there are times when I can truly empathize with the One who has betrayed me. Sometimes business is business. Sometimes, I am sad and have a heavy heart for them. Those I call the Lost One's. I was once Lost, but then, I was found long and along time ago. I Am Blessed.
I have pushed good and hard today. I have accomplished something and it feels pretty damned good. I will be indirectly excusing myself for a return to the North West gardens. I have also done some stress lifts for my arms. I enjoy watching the veins begin to come to the surface of my muscles. It's so hot.
So I push. I may hear She-Who-Walks-Tall say, "Don't push yourself, Babe". "Don't push too far, Babe."...
"I" do listen Sweetie Pie, but I may not agree with that approach. Spouse and Kindred, I really have not found where that that point is. I won't know how far too far is until I reach that place.
I am afraid of this next operation for some reason. Don't know why yet, but I am contemplating. I don't want this negative energy with me or around me. Please, send good vibes this way for me.
How bizarre.
This is sanctuary...
A Bit Of A Clearin' Up Ahead
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
I send you greetings.
I beg your pardon and I know the past week or few have been strange for me. Maybe for you too?
I know that there's usually so much to say - so much to share. I don't tweet you see, I talk. For me this is another form of talking for me. I suspect tweeting would be too brief a connection for me. There is nothing like an excellent conversational exchange over a cup of tea, coffee or beer.
Day before yesterday, my cellular device was washed with the laundry. I have prayed - I have done all I can, but this one is gone. It even feels different in my hands. As if it's dead and is nothing but dead weight now. Oh shit, I hate that this shit happened. I've always "hated" on others for doing and letting dumb ass shit happen to their telephones. Ha! Shit really does happen, you all!
I have this urgency to get out of door to my gardens, birds, turtles and hounds. Am thinking about throwing out a few pepper seeds for some colour and the pepper's. Yesterdays plenty rain and thunder was exceptional for my plants, bushes and trees...
...the rains also made very clear the greenness of happy weeds in the three gardens I could see from the kitchen/Florida room window. Pesky little bastards. Mr. Gripper, is ready and so are a couple of bags for the trimmings and the pickings.
Meniere's Disease is here with me and does want me to pass along a message...
..".this fool is mine". Meniere's, says, "have and do all the surgery's and operations and procedures you want!". It does not matter! This disease dictates my every spell, my every mood, my every day! The symptoms of attacks and post attack symptoms...
...it's just happens to be a different day today. It's the 25 of May, 2012. Look, I don't want to focus on the Meniere's aspects right now. I have ants in my pants and I need to get up from here and do something.
This depression shit lingers...
....but, I see a bit of a clearin' up ahead...
I send you greetings.
I beg your pardon and I know the past week or few have been strange for me. Maybe for you too?
I know that there's usually so much to say - so much to share. I don't tweet you see, I talk. For me this is another form of talking for me. I suspect tweeting would be too brief a connection for me. There is nothing like an excellent conversational exchange over a cup of tea, coffee or beer.
Day before yesterday, my cellular device was washed with the laundry. I have prayed - I have done all I can, but this one is gone. It even feels different in my hands. As if it's dead and is nothing but dead weight now. Oh shit, I hate that this shit happened. I've always "hated" on others for doing and letting dumb ass shit happen to their telephones. Ha! Shit really does happen, you all!
I have this urgency to get out of door to my gardens, birds, turtles and hounds. Am thinking about throwing out a few pepper seeds for some colour and the pepper's. Yesterdays plenty rain and thunder was exceptional for my plants, bushes and trees...
...the rains also made very clear the greenness of happy weeds in the three gardens I could see from the kitchen/Florida room window. Pesky little bastards. Mr. Gripper, is ready and so are a couple of bags for the trimmings and the pickings.
Meniere's Disease is here with me and does want me to pass along a message...
..".this fool is mine". Meniere's, says, "have and do all the surgery's and operations and procedures you want!". It does not matter! This disease dictates my every spell, my every mood, my every day! The symptoms of attacks and post attack symptoms...
...it's just happens to be a different day today. It's the 25 of May, 2012. Look, I don't want to focus on the Meniere's aspects right now. I have ants in my pants and I need to get up from here and do something.
This depression shit lingers...
....but, I see a bit of a clearin' up ahead...
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Meniere's Disease Update: 22 May 2012
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
I am able to hear the birds out back returning to our feeders and bath. Both replenished this morning before the Sun got to high over the Eastern Sky. Heard the Peacock at five this morning, thought, damn dude, you're getting an early start. I guess it's really true with the old saying that The Early Bird catches the Worm. I know he did this morning. That or woke up his mate for some breakfast. Wink-wink.
Just hung up from Skyping with someone on the other side of Earth Mother. It was such a nice visit. This stuff is still just too Capt. Kirk for me. It even has this Science Fiction noise when we disconnect.
The noises in my Deaf Left, have eased up for a spell. A splendid gift.
My right ear, besides listening to the fan over head has been listening to a small propeller air plane parked in my back yard. Seems to rev itself up every once and again. There has been the sounds of giant insects morning and early afternoon long.
I am perspiring at this moment with a misting around my skull, forehead, and neck.
Dizziness is medium at this instant.
Nausea is too, with the aid of my burping to ease the knot in my throat. Non-productive nausea, but very irritating.
Have used the walls as an aid for walking about the house for a day or three. Balance and coordination is off by major percentages. The Human Bumper Car's up and in full force.
I have not yet returned to sleep. I am thinking that a return to joining Red Cloud and then perhaps, I'll get some rest and slumber. I am indeed quite exhausted but am in no mood to sleep at the moment.
Much has been on my mind besides my health and I'm afraid it is attempting to overwhelm me. No, I don't want to re-visit the difficult times of a year or two or more ago - but, damn it, it seems like I get pretty damned close every once in a bit. Depression lurks and waits for the perfect opportunity to strike. I am on call twenty four hour a day and plan on continuing to battle and fight this Meniere's Disease. I'm too young and still have so much to give.
The site of last surgery - which is also the site of surgery come 04 June 2012 troubles me. It has finally stopped passing fluids, but sometimes the pains are torture-like and I seem to think that these are something I will eventually have to learn to live with. I hope not - time will tell.
For now, no more to say.
I am able to hear the birds out back returning to our feeders and bath. Both replenished this morning before the Sun got to high over the Eastern Sky. Heard the Peacock at five this morning, thought, damn dude, you're getting an early start. I guess it's really true with the old saying that The Early Bird catches the Worm. I know he did this morning. That or woke up his mate for some breakfast. Wink-wink.
Just hung up from Skyping with someone on the other side of Earth Mother. It was such a nice visit. This stuff is still just too Capt. Kirk for me. It even has this Science Fiction noise when we disconnect.
The noises in my Deaf Left, have eased up for a spell. A splendid gift.
My right ear, besides listening to the fan over head has been listening to a small propeller air plane parked in my back yard. Seems to rev itself up every once and again. There has been the sounds of giant insects morning and early afternoon long.
I am perspiring at this moment with a misting around my skull, forehead, and neck.
Dizziness is medium at this instant.
Nausea is too, with the aid of my burping to ease the knot in my throat. Non-productive nausea, but very irritating.
Have used the walls as an aid for walking about the house for a day or three. Balance and coordination is off by major percentages. The Human Bumper Car's up and in full force.
I have not yet returned to sleep. I am thinking that a return to joining Red Cloud and then perhaps, I'll get some rest and slumber. I am indeed quite exhausted but am in no mood to sleep at the moment.
Much has been on my mind besides my health and I'm afraid it is attempting to overwhelm me. No, I don't want to re-visit the difficult times of a year or two or more ago - but, damn it, it seems like I get pretty damned close every once in a bit. Depression lurks and waits for the perfect opportunity to strike. I am on call twenty four hour a day and plan on continuing to battle and fight this Meniere's Disease. I'm too young and still have so much to give.
The site of last surgery - which is also the site of surgery come 04 June 2012 troubles me. It has finally stopped passing fluids, but sometimes the pains are torture-like and I seem to think that these are something I will eventually have to learn to live with. I hope not - time will tell.
For now, no more to say.
Arabic Music "The Desert Lounge I°"...& I. Yes.
Love, peace and more peace to all who read these words.
Please sit back for a minute or few and listen to some of the best Lounge on Mother Earth, "The Desert Lounge 1 and The Two Marks".
The coolest of all is that She Who Lives Far and Away, is able to listen to this everyday if she was inclined to. Damascus! I pray for my Brothers and Sisters in the Mid-East. I pray for peace, freedom and the very Human Rights, Civil Rights, that too many of us here in the US take for granted. I pray for my Kindred in South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Botswana. I also pray for my Relations in Tibet. Them in North Korea. In Great Spirit's eyes we are all one. No matter the color of skin or the language spoken. We are One. One God, One Love.
Today, I am alive and doing what I must to be a Man. Working the program. Listening to the voice alive within me and have learned to go with the "gut feeling", I've had since a youth. Sometimes the visions I have had. Sometimes the sounds that dwell between these two ears...
...One listens to the sounds of this beautiful music and the other one is Deaf. My Left Deaf Ear.
One God, One Love. So simple like that.
Six Days Gone By
In my minds eye, it does not seem possible that six days have passed since I last gave on the front page reports on how Meniere's and My Path have co-existed or co-inhabited this human and the skin I'm in, my Spirit's and God.
Since the Mother's Day Meniere's Attack, I have had some really strange and odd times. Seemingly, parallel to the life I am living in Dream World, except in Dream World I am working and am with a familiar bunch. Since that last vertigo attack, I have had two nights where I have had no sleep or rest. There was one episode where I was awake thirty two hours. Today's hours just tick,tick on by...
...I will hold off until 1700 or so before I will settle down for a rest.
Yes, I am stressed. Stressed About the All of My Life and Path.
Yes, I think some about the up coming surgery. Yet, another one...
...is this some ironic twist on punishment?
Yes, I have cried lately. For very little things. Songs, commercials, shit on the tube. Yes, I have continued my medications as directed by He Who Knows My Mind. Am simply one with a heavy heart. I have been blue, true. Sir Dude, my therapist called with a reschedule, so I did. For him.
I have had increase in sound and noise activity in both ears today. Very much the same sounds - just various degrees of volume and amount of insects dwelling between these ears of mine.
Ten notes, cards and a couple of letters are in our Post Box awaiting pick up and delivery. I have been journaling some the past few days as I lay there in my safe place and have always enjoyed the snail mail scene. Since a wee fart I have corresponded with folks near and far.
Yes, I miss driving a car. I no longer have a car. We traded in my P.T. for the brides new car. A Dodge. I like it. Yes, I like it alot.
Yes, I find myself in uncertain territory periodically. Folks, don't know to stay healthy and active for as long as your body will endure.
No, don't wait on taking care of those things that trouble you. It's not worth it. Believe that, Kindred, because I did so take for granted so and too many things in life - and on this body.
Six days has been a pretty damned long time for me. Please understand and do not give me bad marks on your judgements.
Don't know what it was, but something has taken ahold of my neck...
I know to continue to focus on losing weight. I have and am committed and continue to lose.
I have to let go and let God.
I forgot to let go.
Since the Mother's Day Meniere's Attack, I have had some really strange and odd times. Seemingly, parallel to the life I am living in Dream World, except in Dream World I am working and am with a familiar bunch. Since that last vertigo attack, I have had two nights where I have had no sleep or rest. There was one episode where I was awake thirty two hours. Today's hours just tick,tick on by...
...I will hold off until 1700 or so before I will settle down for a rest.
Yes, I am stressed. Stressed About the All of My Life and Path.
Yes, I think some about the up coming surgery. Yet, another one...
...is this some ironic twist on punishment?
Yes, I have cried lately. For very little things. Songs, commercials, shit on the tube. Yes, I have continued my medications as directed by He Who Knows My Mind. Am simply one with a heavy heart. I have been blue, true. Sir Dude, my therapist called with a reschedule, so I did. For him.
I have had increase in sound and noise activity in both ears today. Very much the same sounds - just various degrees of volume and amount of insects dwelling between these ears of mine.
Ten notes, cards and a couple of letters are in our Post Box awaiting pick up and delivery. I have been journaling some the past few days as I lay there in my safe place and have always enjoyed the snail mail scene. Since a wee fart I have corresponded with folks near and far.
Yes, I miss driving a car. I no longer have a car. We traded in my P.T. for the brides new car. A Dodge. I like it. Yes, I like it alot.
Yes, I find myself in uncertain territory periodically. Folks, don't know to stay healthy and active for as long as your body will endure.
No, don't wait on taking care of those things that trouble you. It's not worth it. Believe that, Kindred, because I did so take for granted so and too many things in life - and on this body.
Six days has been a pretty damned long time for me. Please understand and do not give me bad marks on your judgements.
Don't know what it was, but something has taken ahold of my neck...
I know to continue to focus on losing weight. I have and am committed and continue to lose.
I have to let go and let God.
I forgot to let go.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
In The Mean Time, More Post Attack Issues, Listen And The "C" Word
Dearest Kinfolk, Kindred, and Relations,
My heart is sad and I feel heavy in my steps.
My coordination and balance is dreadfully off center. My eyes go this way when I hear something from that way. I have stumbled two too many times and have decided to rest a short while. Take a Ten.
I have been preparing boxes for donation. Nothing heavy, just simple things, such as shoes, clothes and odd-n-ends. Things that I hope will bring money to the organization I donate to, the American Cancer Research Center And Foundation.These kind Folks are the only organization I donate to. The "C" word ate my Dad to death. I saw the Cancer do this to him in front of my eyes.
The sweating has not stopped since I last posted a communique. It seems to worsen then has a cycle of ups and downs. It's too easy for me to share that I am exhausted as a whole being. Because I am. Yet, there is something in my Spirit's that beckon me to move along. Keep a cheerful atmosphere about myself, as much as possible anyways. For my "as much as possibles", seem to change from season to season. I consider what I am doing, as a form of working a business...
...this is my body and this body is my business.
You know what? I don't know either, but I wish to share that I am going to push until I can't anymore. There is going to be better days ahead. I want to have a good day. That's normal.
The cicadas and crickets compete between my head to see which is loudest. It's so loud! On and on.
There's a beeping going on in my Deaf Left. Nothing new - just a different message.
I wish my Bride was here right at this moment. I am lonely and am alone. The Lodge is silent...
...except for the sounds between my ear's.
Listen closely. Can't you hear them?
My heart is sad and I feel heavy in my steps.
My coordination and balance is dreadfully off center. My eyes go this way when I hear something from that way. I have stumbled two too many times and have decided to rest a short while. Take a Ten.
I have been preparing boxes for donation. Nothing heavy, just simple things, such as shoes, clothes and odd-n-ends. Things that I hope will bring money to the organization I donate to, the American Cancer Research Center And Foundation.These kind Folks are the only organization I donate to. The "C" word ate my Dad to death. I saw the Cancer do this to him in front of my eyes.
The sweating has not stopped since I last posted a communique. It seems to worsen then has a cycle of ups and downs. It's too easy for me to share that I am exhausted as a whole being. Because I am. Yet, there is something in my Spirit's that beckon me to move along. Keep a cheerful atmosphere about myself, as much as possible anyways. For my "as much as possibles", seem to change from season to season. I consider what I am doing, as a form of working a business...
...this is my body and this body is my business.
You know what? I don't know either, but I wish to share that I am going to push until I can't anymore. There is going to be better days ahead. I want to have a good day. That's normal.
The cicadas and crickets compete between my head to see which is loudest. It's so loud! On and on.
There's a beeping going on in my Deaf Left. Nothing new - just a different message.
I wish my Bride was here right at this moment. I am lonely and am alone. The Lodge is silent...
...except for the sounds between my ear's.
Listen closely. Can't you hear them?
Post Meniere's Attack And Chat
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
The rains have moved in from the Gulf of Mexico and pass over head. Actual blue clouds are puffed up and look like a giant ball of berry cotton candy. A fat boy's dream and first...
...I have slept many hours and am doing my best to avoid the bed and my safe place. My Secret Place.
I have been sweating a mess. I wonder if this may be a contributing factor in my loss of weight. Oh, no, don't get me wrong, I am very pleased with the loss of poundage. I will continue to focus on the benefits of it. The sweating piece is a Meniere's symptom. Side affect? Consequence of? Changes. As I feel a trail of perspiration slide down the back of my neck. Wouldn't be right to have such a huge bobble head on this thinning neck. Please. Bling please.
There is a nausea that promotes discomfort. No gagging - just under the radar nausea. It's right at the bottom of my neck bother-some. I fight to keep it at bay. And feel my heart flutter.
Dizzy, as in, after a fantastic and awesome laughing-my-ass-off, dizzy. It's just that this dizzy has been around and about me all this morning. Too much. This dizziness is not a life style one wants to find themselves in. The shit happens and then more shit happens. Once that the shit happens, it promotes more shit to happen. The dizziness is a piece of me and this skin I'm in.
My right ear has been popping the past twenty four hours. Plopping too. Sometimes quite loud. Nuisance shit! Sometimes this noise startles me and I respond in what I would consider to be an ordinary way. Okay, there have been times when the damned "pop" was so loud, I have responded with a "note of displeasure"...
...I mean, what the fuck? I have been reprimanded for this by so many I love. Kinfolk and Kindred. Never a stranger, always Kin. It is also Kin, who raise their voice in public to let me know I am speaking too loud...
...Honey's, I am Deaf and have issues listening with my Good-Bad Right Ear. I am trying to adjust and humble myself in asking you to do the same. Help me. Do not belittle me or pass judgement on me. There are other ways to get my attention. A simple wave as I have shown you is all it takes. I promise. Just please, don't reprimand me in public for Pete's sake.
To them with two faces and many masks, don't bother. Your words mean as much to me as the smell of these hound's farts.
Yes, perhaps there is some ornery business going on in both brains. What to do?
My Left deaf Ear is listening to the turn signal of-the-car-in-my-head. Click-click-click-click - and on and so on and loud enough that I could count the click-click-clickity-clicks. Fucking obnoxious shit! Simple as that! If some one was being tortured by this method, it would break the Geneva Convention...
...My God.
I can hear thunder now. It's off in the distance. Like the thunder rolls...
...sounds like drums in a Pow-Wow. Soothes my mind and eases my heart.
I am not sure if I have ever shared this with anyone, but I would like to share that this disease Meniere's changes lives. I know and am able to share that first hand.
Enough for now.
The rains have moved in from the Gulf of Mexico and pass over head. Actual blue clouds are puffed up and look like a giant ball of berry cotton candy. A fat boy's dream and first...
...I have slept many hours and am doing my best to avoid the bed and my safe place. My Secret Place.
I have been sweating a mess. I wonder if this may be a contributing factor in my loss of weight. Oh, no, don't get me wrong, I am very pleased with the loss of poundage. I will continue to focus on the benefits of it. The sweating piece is a Meniere's symptom. Side affect? Consequence of? Changes. As I feel a trail of perspiration slide down the back of my neck. Wouldn't be right to have such a huge bobble head on this thinning neck. Please. Bling please.
There is a nausea that promotes discomfort. No gagging - just under the radar nausea. It's right at the bottom of my neck bother-some. I fight to keep it at bay. And feel my heart flutter.
Dizzy, as in, after a fantastic and awesome laughing-my-ass-off, dizzy. It's just that this dizzy has been around and about me all this morning. Too much. This dizziness is not a life style one wants to find themselves in. The shit happens and then more shit happens. Once that the shit happens, it promotes more shit to happen. The dizziness is a piece of me and this skin I'm in.
My right ear has been popping the past twenty four hours. Plopping too. Sometimes quite loud. Nuisance shit! Sometimes this noise startles me and I respond in what I would consider to be an ordinary way. Okay, there have been times when the damned "pop" was so loud, I have responded with a "note of displeasure"...
...I mean, what the fuck? I have been reprimanded for this by so many I love. Kinfolk and Kindred. Never a stranger, always Kin. It is also Kin, who raise their voice in public to let me know I am speaking too loud...
...Honey's, I am Deaf and have issues listening with my Good-Bad Right Ear. I am trying to adjust and humble myself in asking you to do the same. Help me. Do not belittle me or pass judgement on me. There are other ways to get my attention. A simple wave as I have shown you is all it takes. I promise. Just please, don't reprimand me in public for Pete's sake.
To them with two faces and many masks, don't bother. Your words mean as much to me as the smell of these hound's farts.
Yes, perhaps there is some ornery business going on in both brains. What to do?
My Left deaf Ear is listening to the turn signal of-the-car-in-my-head. Click-click-click-click - and on and so on and loud enough that I could count the click-click-clickity-clicks. Fucking obnoxious shit! Simple as that! If some one was being tortured by this method, it would break the Geneva Convention...
...My God.
I can hear thunder now. It's off in the distance. Like the thunder rolls...
...sounds like drums in a Pow-Wow. Soothes my mind and eases my heart.
I am not sure if I have ever shared this with anyone, but I would like to share that this disease Meniere's changes lives. I know and am able to share that first hand.
Enough for now.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Bonjour, Bonjour
Bonjour,
I send these words out over this mystery called the Internet to you, my once, very dear One. This is where I am able to write and speak and see over invisible wires. I don't need to know how it works, all I need is enough knowledge for me to connect with Kindred who read this blog and enough to navigate through these corridors.
This is the day, I wish to communicate with a you, this once, very special some one. A special person, who years ago changed my life forever. This person's named ????. One from a land far away. Once, loved so deeply and cherished so much that I thought for a time, I would end up having dual citizenship...
...in every and all respects, I am Blessed and pleased that this did not take place.
In very many respects this person continues to be a part of my living structure. We are Blood-By-Sacrifice. You were a teacher, a supremely close individual and one I thought I loved so damned much.
Today, I know too damned much. Dear One.
For me, the love I thought I had never stopped loving. Stopped. I still love and care about your family and you. It's not as if we just turned each other loose or just went our separate ways. It has been since 1990-Something that I saw you last. The last time I held this person in my arms and looked into the eyes so beautiful. Such as it was a contradictory because of your strength. Your ability to gain trust to betray that same trust. The way you made me feel inside are memories in a mist. All but gone. So loving and caring. Huh? So many lies. So much deceit.
Your willingness to harm and hurt others, was too much for me to take. Too much to handle. What you have done to my sister's, what you did to Mom and I, speak volumes of your character.
I can look back now and see just how devoid you were of the qualities I thought you had. You mother fucker, you knew all along what you were doing to my heart!
My memories serve me far to well.
I am sorry. For what I committed against my Bride and Children and family name. Today is the day, I say to you, I am not sorry for what ever it is you are not dealing with, within you.
Les Adieux.
Oui? Oui.
I send these words out over this mystery called the Internet to you, my once, very dear One. This is where I am able to write and speak and see over invisible wires. I don't need to know how it works, all I need is enough knowledge for me to connect with Kindred who read this blog and enough to navigate through these corridors.
This is the day, I wish to communicate with a you, this once, very special some one. A special person, who years ago changed my life forever. This person's named ????. One from a land far away. Once, loved so deeply and cherished so much that I thought for a time, I would end up having dual citizenship...
...in every and all respects, I am Blessed and pleased that this did not take place.
In very many respects this person continues to be a part of my living structure. We are Blood-By-Sacrifice. You were a teacher, a supremely close individual and one I thought I loved so damned much.
Today, I know too damned much. Dear One.
For me, the love I thought I had never stopped loving. Stopped. I still love and care about your family and you. It's not as if we just turned each other loose or just went our separate ways. It has been since 1990-Something that I saw you last. The last time I held this person in my arms and looked into the eyes so beautiful. Such as it was a contradictory because of your strength. Your ability to gain trust to betray that same trust. The way you made me feel inside are memories in a mist. All but gone. So loving and caring. Huh? So many lies. So much deceit.
Your willingness to harm and hurt others, was too much for me to take. Too much to handle. What you have done to my sister's, what you did to Mom and I, speak volumes of your character.
I can look back now and see just how devoid you were of the qualities I thought you had. You mother fucker, you knew all along what you were doing to my heart!
My memories serve me far to well.
I am sorry. For what I committed against my Bride and Children and family name. Today is the day, I say to you, I am not sorry for what ever it is you are not dealing with, within you.
Les Adieux.
Oui? Oui.
Syria, O' Syria
Assalamu Alaikum!
May Allah, dispose of these vile and dreadfully inhumane enemy of the People's of Syria.
I pray that the people's of Syria, join forces and do what must be done. I see and read that it is China and Russia, that keep a United front in removing Assad from power. Assad, has betrayed his people's. He has betrayed his own flesh and blood. He has betrayed many who counted him as a Man with truth, trust, and dignity...
...the way this is seen from here. Assad has and is committing Genocide on his fellow Country Men.
A disgrace.
Until the next communique, love, peace and more peace...
...but, justice first!
Insha Allah.
Shukran!
May Allah, dispose of these vile and dreadfully inhumane enemy of the People's of Syria.
I pray that the people's of Syria, join forces and do what must be done. I see and read that it is China and Russia, that keep a United front in removing Assad from power. Assad, has betrayed his people's. He has betrayed his own flesh and blood. He has betrayed many who counted him as a Man with truth, trust, and dignity...
...the way this is seen from here. Assad has and is committing Genocide on his fellow Country Men.
A disgrace.
Until the next communique, love, peace and more peace...
...but, justice first!
Insha Allah.
Shukran!
Some Share And Say!
It has been a while since I last had one. So here I go...
...shooting from the hips.
Some Share And Say!
1. My favorite color is blue.
2. I enjoy Thai Food. Very much.
3. I sometimes crave a Starbuck's Latte. Too often.
4. Woody is still my favorite Disney character.
5. I dislike "haters".
6. My eye's are brown and red.
7. My hair is brown.
8. I just lost a shirt size.
9. I just lost a dress size too. If that's what I wore.
10. I lost a belt size.
11. Have lost a pant size. If it were a dress it would be a dress size 26.
12. I hate the way that makes me feel and sound! No, I don't fuckin' wear dresses.
13. I'm a denim sort, you see. Plaid shirt and all.
14. I love shoes.
15. I love fragrances.
16. I wear Oils and manly fragrances too.
17. I enjoy watching Baseball.
18. I LOVE Baseball.
19. I have a Man-crush on Evan Longoria. Betcha he is longo-on-the-lingo right there.
20. TMI, on that one, good buddy. Too damned much info. right there.
21. I enjoy eating olives.
22. In our Sanctuary, we have four avocado plants growing.
23. Yes, I eat the avocado with gladness.
24. As a youth, I always cheered for the Under Dog.
25. As an adult, I always cheer for the Under dog.
26. Unless that team is playing against the U.S. of A.
27. This house-hold does watch the Olympics. Winter and Summer.
28. I thank Great Spirit, for spell check.
29. I thank Great Spirit, for Blessings every day.
30. I lived today as if it were my last.
With that, I say love, peace and more peace. Me.
...shooting from the hips.
Some Share And Say!
1. My favorite color is blue.
2. I enjoy Thai Food. Very much.
3. I sometimes crave a Starbuck's Latte. Too often.
4. Woody is still my favorite Disney character.
5. I dislike "haters".
6. My eye's are brown and red.
7. My hair is brown.
8. I just lost a shirt size.
9. I just lost a dress size too. If that's what I wore.
10. I lost a belt size.
11. Have lost a pant size. If it were a dress it would be a dress size 26.
12. I hate the way that makes me feel and sound! No, I don't fuckin' wear dresses.
13. I'm a denim sort, you see. Plaid shirt and all.
14. I love shoes.
15. I love fragrances.
16. I wear Oils and manly fragrances too.
17. I enjoy watching Baseball.
18. I LOVE Baseball.
19. I have a Man-crush on Evan Longoria. Betcha he is longo-on-the-lingo right there.
20. TMI, on that one, good buddy. Too damned much info. right there.
21. I enjoy eating olives.
22. In our Sanctuary, we have four avocado plants growing.
23. Yes, I eat the avocado with gladness.
24. As a youth, I always cheered for the Under Dog.
25. As an adult, I always cheer for the Under dog.
26. Unless that team is playing against the U.S. of A.
27. This house-hold does watch the Olympics. Winter and Summer.
28. I thank Great Spirit, for spell check.
29. I thank Great Spirit, for Blessings every day.
30. I lived today as if it were my last.
With that, I say love, peace and more peace. Me.
Ruthless and Cunning, Activated, Engaged. Like, Might We Talk?
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Am refreshed after a nice cool shower and a cup of tea. No snacks - cutting back you see.
The three hounds are circling the Florida room anticipating meal at 1800. I can hear the tip-tip-tip of their paw's and nails on the Turkish tiled floor. I don't know why, but this gives me the creeps. It's like their buzzards preparing to attack the near dead. Have seen the entire opera out in the Everglades. It's true. They will attack the poor one's near death instead of waiting for it to die or be killed and taken by another. They're fuckin' ruthless. You know what? I can and have been to that point of ruthlessness. Never as in the death or ill health of another, but to the point of talking the talk. There's a time when a Man or Woman must do what ever she or he must do. Please note that one of the hounds has entered the room and has settled here near by...
...any way's...
...it's sometimes too easy to remember the techniques of being ruthless. Like a well trained Kung Fu artist. Or, one who is fantastic at Fencing. I suspect it is par for the course because we are taught these techniques when we are victimized by another and or other's. As in more than One.
I had to be ruthless and cunning...
...or die. For me as a boy, adolescent, young adult or as I am presently, I live as if today is my last day on Earth Mother, so it is the right thing for me to keep these techniques in my skull, heart and Spirit's. They're but a snap away. Like a Genie waiting for His/Her Human. Or, like the inhale and exhale of a good breath. The Genie waits.
When One's baby sister calls and speaks to her big brother about something very serious - I tend to take it very seriously. She calls in the middle of the day to take thirty five minutes out of her busy schedule at work to "share" a few things with me...
...so I listen. And I listened more than usual because this is something that hits close to "Home".
I am the eldest of what was once seven - she is the youngest of same. Thus, my Baby Sister. By the way, I am and do call all of my sisters baby sisters because I can. I am older than they, you see.
Whenever, my baby sister calls and fights back the tears. I know what time it is. Whenever she calls and speaks of Her hardships in health that have been made worse by the lack of initiative of another, I then, am compelled to intervene and let this individual know just what time the clock has struck between He and She.
For all of the correct and righteous reasons and decisions to be made, I will have a conversation.
This is not meant to come across in any other way than being a concerned brother. My Baby Sister, is ill. What appears to be a progressive form of Ill Health - because I have seen a change and difference with her. In her.
I have eye's and can see. I may have but one ear, but I listen to life through it, and I hear.
She works full time with a rather intense occupation at the largest hospital in the area. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, works there too. She'll always take a little over time when possible.
She has two of my most favorite Folks on the face of Earth Mother. My nephew's, my "bud's".
She comes home to too many issues that are too simple to occupy so much of her time, thoughts and health. In my heart and Spirit's, it is the health piece that matters most.
ALL SHE'S ASKING FOR IS SOME FUCKING HELP. Oh yes, I did. Really.
My name's not Sonny, it's Mario, Mr. Sierra, if you're nasty. Besides IMMA lover not a fighter.
Get it?
No more to say now, except this, which is, "All You Need Is Love" and she'll get by "With A Little 'Help' From Her Friend". She just wants things "Getting Better".
Bust a move. She's "Under Pressure"!
Am refreshed after a nice cool shower and a cup of tea. No snacks - cutting back you see.
The three hounds are circling the Florida room anticipating meal at 1800. I can hear the tip-tip-tip of their paw's and nails on the Turkish tiled floor. I don't know why, but this gives me the creeps. It's like their buzzards preparing to attack the near dead. Have seen the entire opera out in the Everglades. It's true. They will attack the poor one's near death instead of waiting for it to die or be killed and taken by another. They're fuckin' ruthless. You know what? I can and have been to that point of ruthlessness. Never as in the death or ill health of another, but to the point of talking the talk. There's a time when a Man or Woman must do what ever she or he must do. Please note that one of the hounds has entered the room and has settled here near by...
...any way's...
...it's sometimes too easy to remember the techniques of being ruthless. Like a well trained Kung Fu artist. Or, one who is fantastic at Fencing. I suspect it is par for the course because we are taught these techniques when we are victimized by another and or other's. As in more than One.
I had to be ruthless and cunning...
...or die. For me as a boy, adolescent, young adult or as I am presently, I live as if today is my last day on Earth Mother, so it is the right thing for me to keep these techniques in my skull, heart and Spirit's. They're but a snap away. Like a Genie waiting for His/Her Human. Or, like the inhale and exhale of a good breath. The Genie waits.
When One's baby sister calls and speaks to her big brother about something very serious - I tend to take it very seriously. She calls in the middle of the day to take thirty five minutes out of her busy schedule at work to "share" a few things with me...
...so I listen. And I listened more than usual because this is something that hits close to "Home".
I am the eldest of what was once seven - she is the youngest of same. Thus, my Baby Sister. By the way, I am and do call all of my sisters baby sisters because I can. I am older than they, you see.
Whenever, my baby sister calls and fights back the tears. I know what time it is. Whenever she calls and speaks of Her hardships in health that have been made worse by the lack of initiative of another, I then, am compelled to intervene and let this individual know just what time the clock has struck between He and She.
For all of the correct and righteous reasons and decisions to be made, I will have a conversation.
This is not meant to come across in any other way than being a concerned brother. My Baby Sister, is ill. What appears to be a progressive form of Ill Health - because I have seen a change and difference with her. In her.
I have eye's and can see. I may have but one ear, but I listen to life through it, and I hear.
She works full time with a rather intense occupation at the largest hospital in the area. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, works there too. She'll always take a little over time when possible.
She has two of my most favorite Folks on the face of Earth Mother. My nephew's, my "bud's".
She comes home to too many issues that are too simple to occupy so much of her time, thoughts and health. In my heart and Spirit's, it is the health piece that matters most.
ALL SHE'S ASKING FOR IS SOME FUCKING HELP. Oh yes, I did. Really.
My name's not Sonny, it's Mario, Mr. Sierra, if you're nasty. Besides IMMA lover not a fighter.
Get it?
No more to say now, except this, which is, "All You Need Is Love" and she'll get by "With A Little 'Help' From Her Friend". She just wants things "Getting Better".
Bust a move. She's "Under Pressure"!
A Meniere's Attack And Losing Weight
Dearest Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
I'll begin this communique by sharing that I have had another Meniere's/ vertigo attack. This took place late on Mother's Day evening and or the wee hours of Monday morning. I am really not sure and truly only remember the beginning and waking this morning...
...there was a trigger that started this attack. I have seen this happen before, but don't recall it being a symptom or trigger of Meniere's. I was laying back in bed after reading a bit of Chief Joesph, when I looked up to the ceiling and watched the ceiling and room rotate. As if I was in a twirl about and someone caused it to twist about for just a moment. This was a slow trigger and what I did was simply put the books away and turned off the light. It was not long before I was off to dream land where I remained until a while ago.
My bones, flesh and skull hurt me. My neck and muscles hurt and ache. I feel like I've had a good flogging. In a Northern Town. Somewhere far, far and away...
...is where I wish to be today. Somewhere, where I can run. A place I may learn to run! It's but a dream. I know for now, It's but a dream.
I am presently sweating at an eight's pace and consider a cool shower would help. These do work sometimes, ya know. My crown is moist and around my collar is wet from the perspiration. The water slides down my stomach and back. So very uncomfortable.
I am very off balance and have been uncoordinated since I awoke. Requiring an easy step and being aware of my environment. I've had visions of a fall recently, as in seeing it in the Crystal Ball I have spoken of. Which concerns me because i have learned, 9 out of 10 times it's right on target. whiles the other one keeps me a tested. I would have to give this balance and coordination issue an 8.50.
Nausea is high and am tasting what it was I ate for break fast and lunch. The gagging is disgusting. I burp to assist in the battle with the nausea. This too requires an 8.
The beeps in my right ear continue. The weird noises and sounds do too. I'm thinking these too have made themselves at home in my skull. My Left Deaf Ear, has been the beeping one, so now it has a mate. It roars aloud. So very loud. I Can't explain it. I stopped trying.
The passing of fluids from the site of surgery remains active. Too many Monday's to count right now. The pain from site fluctuates as well. In three weeks there shall be a new wound. With new wound issues.
So, there's this nesting thing that's stirring up with-in me. I want to have a few things on my to do list removed prior to the day of operation. I've noticed that I tend to heal and rehab better when I know that certain things are completed. Most occasions that is.
Don't ask - I'm weird like that.
I have continued to lose weight and am glad to report this. I have presently 35 pounds and am so very happy to have done so. Down from 294 to 259. One can just look at that number 35 and know that there's some changing going on in this Man's life. My Path. That equals out to: One twenty pound sack of brown rice, one five pound bag of sugar and one ten pound bag of flour. That's some extra weight right there, en'it? There have been flash backs to when I had Anorexia. This is scary for me while going through the process of losing weight. For sure something I will discuss with my therapist, Sir Dude, next week. I do not want to sabotage what it is I am doing to improve my State of Better Health. Thirty five pounds is only thirty five pounds, but in my head, thirty five pounds is a whole damned lot of thirty five pounds. Can you dig?
I've no more to say. Except for this, love, peace and more peace, it's me.
I'll begin this communique by sharing that I have had another Meniere's/ vertigo attack. This took place late on Mother's Day evening and or the wee hours of Monday morning. I am really not sure and truly only remember the beginning and waking this morning...
...there was a trigger that started this attack. I have seen this happen before, but don't recall it being a symptom or trigger of Meniere's. I was laying back in bed after reading a bit of Chief Joesph, when I looked up to the ceiling and watched the ceiling and room rotate. As if I was in a twirl about and someone caused it to twist about for just a moment. This was a slow trigger and what I did was simply put the books away and turned off the light. It was not long before I was off to dream land where I remained until a while ago.
My bones, flesh and skull hurt me. My neck and muscles hurt and ache. I feel like I've had a good flogging. In a Northern Town. Somewhere far, far and away...
...is where I wish to be today. Somewhere, where I can run. A place I may learn to run! It's but a dream. I know for now, It's but a dream.
I am presently sweating at an eight's pace and consider a cool shower would help. These do work sometimes, ya know. My crown is moist and around my collar is wet from the perspiration. The water slides down my stomach and back. So very uncomfortable.
I am very off balance and have been uncoordinated since I awoke. Requiring an easy step and being aware of my environment. I've had visions of a fall recently, as in seeing it in the Crystal Ball I have spoken of. Which concerns me because i have learned, 9 out of 10 times it's right on target. whiles the other one keeps me a tested. I would have to give this balance and coordination issue an 8.50.
Nausea is high and am tasting what it was I ate for break fast and lunch. The gagging is disgusting. I burp to assist in the battle with the nausea. This too requires an 8.
The beeps in my right ear continue. The weird noises and sounds do too. I'm thinking these too have made themselves at home in my skull. My Left Deaf Ear, has been the beeping one, so now it has a mate. It roars aloud. So very loud. I Can't explain it. I stopped trying.
The passing of fluids from the site of surgery remains active. Too many Monday's to count right now. The pain from site fluctuates as well. In three weeks there shall be a new wound. With new wound issues.
So, there's this nesting thing that's stirring up with-in me. I want to have a few things on my to do list removed prior to the day of operation. I've noticed that I tend to heal and rehab better when I know that certain things are completed. Most occasions that is.
Don't ask - I'm weird like that.
I have continued to lose weight and am glad to report this. I have presently 35 pounds and am so very happy to have done so. Down from 294 to 259. One can just look at that number 35 and know that there's some changing going on in this Man's life. My Path. That equals out to: One twenty pound sack of brown rice, one five pound bag of sugar and one ten pound bag of flour. That's some extra weight right there, en'it? There have been flash backs to when I had Anorexia. This is scary for me while going through the process of losing weight. For sure something I will discuss with my therapist, Sir Dude, next week. I do not want to sabotage what it is I am doing to improve my State of Better Health. Thirty five pounds is only thirty five pounds, but in my head, thirty five pounds is a whole damned lot of thirty five pounds. Can you dig?
I've no more to say. Except for this, love, peace and more peace, it's me.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day, My Ear's, The KGB And The Wound
Good Evening,
On and off today, Mothers Day here in America, my right ear has been picking up beeps. These beep-beeps seem to be different than the beeps I get from my Left Deaf Ear. There's a clarity in the communiques behind these beeps. I have very little doubt that these beeps in the right ear are in fact, picking up messages from afar...
...there are some KGB agents attempting to communicate via Morse Code and it's cryptic. There are four agents, there's a debate and there was once seven to this squad. Three were captured by the M15 off the coast of France. On occasion, I pick up radio signals from a village in Bavaria...
...on an unfortunate and serious note, I am beginning to pick up the beeping and beeps in my right ear. I am quite damned sure that I have not had the beeps here. I feel disgusted and feel as if my ear has thrown in the towel. I haven't!
I had a very deep sleep and was well rested when I got up to enjoy a good gathering. Brenda was pleased with the Italian dish she prepared and I was glad to see and taste how excellent a dish it was. My Honorable Daughter #2, my sister Lou-La-La was here, baby sis with BIL and my two gorgeous little feller nephews and the In-Law's. Very peaceful, good talks, good vittles and good times. Thank You Great Spirit, for Blessing us with such a fine day. Happy Mother's Day!
I have been able to avoid the sleep for the remainder of the day and know that when I am done here with this sharing, I'll be rejoining Chief Joesph in my safe place.
The noise in my right ear presently is that of dozens and dozens of giant crickets and cicadas. It's as loud as one might hear while out on a hot early Southern evening. So dreadfully loud.
My Deaf Left Ear has been very sensitive today. Loud noises create issue in a Deaf Ear. I know, I experience this...
...just another symptom or two. These hit smack dab in the gut to have these begin on the right ear. Yes, I've had many moments of silence with this one and odd noises, sounds and voices, but Good God All Mighty, all of this shit is happening in both ears now! Come along already!
My wound continues to drain blood and body fluids. Tomorrow it marks yet another Monday and another passing week since the last operation and this note finds me three weeks shy of the next operation.
Thinking to myself that if He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, were to call and ask me to come in tomorrow - I would make it there with bells on.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!
On and off today, Mothers Day here in America, my right ear has been picking up beeps. These beep-beeps seem to be different than the beeps I get from my Left Deaf Ear. There's a clarity in the communiques behind these beeps. I have very little doubt that these beeps in the right ear are in fact, picking up messages from afar...
...there are some KGB agents attempting to communicate via Morse Code and it's cryptic. There are four agents, there's a debate and there was once seven to this squad. Three were captured by the M15 off the coast of France. On occasion, I pick up radio signals from a village in Bavaria...
...on an unfortunate and serious note, I am beginning to pick up the beeping and beeps in my right ear. I am quite damned sure that I have not had the beeps here. I feel disgusted and feel as if my ear has thrown in the towel. I haven't!
I had a very deep sleep and was well rested when I got up to enjoy a good gathering. Brenda was pleased with the Italian dish she prepared and I was glad to see and taste how excellent a dish it was. My Honorable Daughter #2, my sister Lou-La-La was here, baby sis with BIL and my two gorgeous little feller nephews and the In-Law's. Very peaceful, good talks, good vittles and good times. Thank You Great Spirit, for Blessing us with such a fine day. Happy Mother's Day!
I have been able to avoid the sleep for the remainder of the day and know that when I am done here with this sharing, I'll be rejoining Chief Joesph in my safe place.
The noise in my right ear presently is that of dozens and dozens of giant crickets and cicadas. It's as loud as one might hear while out on a hot early Southern evening. So dreadfully loud.
My Deaf Left Ear has been very sensitive today. Loud noises create issue in a Deaf Ear. I know, I experience this...
...just another symptom or two. These hit smack dab in the gut to have these begin on the right ear. Yes, I've had many moments of silence with this one and odd noises, sounds and voices, but Good God All Mighty, all of this shit is happening in both ears now! Come along already!
My wound continues to drain blood and body fluids. Tomorrow it marks yet another Monday and another passing week since the last operation and this note finds me three weeks shy of the next operation.
Thinking to myself that if He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, were to call and ask me to come in tomorrow - I would make it there with bells on.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Meniere's Disease And Myself, I And Me
Bonjour,
Relations,
I come to you today with an eager heart and Spirit's engaged. My past three days have been strange and have felt as if I was not the one in my skin...
On this past Wednesday, 9 May 12, I began a rest that lasted for approximately four hours, having been awakened for dinner by my Spouse at 1900 or so. I did not return to sleep until 0300 this morning and slept most of today. On and off. Even got all prepped as if stepping out some place, just to later remove all clothing for a return to slumber after a conversation with my Nephew-Who-Lives-With-The-Miccosoukee. The nephew who has become very much like a Son to me. He and his family are endeared to me and I am Blessed to have his wife as my Niece and their beautiful children as my younger Nieces and nephew, Master J. This youthful Generation is special. I feel it in my bones.
It was peculiar being awake for such a period of time. This is something that has happened a very few handful of times, such a minimal, I had not considered speaking with any of my doctor's about this, to include He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I have contemplated this today and it is myself who find this to be an anomaly, of sorts. I keep returning to the face-to-face, Doc. and I had on this Wednesday just past. My Brain's Mind, My Center and I have had to hush for a spell. As in a required state of conscience to not say anything that might create issues with our relationship...
...myself, I keep the mind-set that this big-thick-heavy-ass skull of mine is my problem. I am knowing and am aware He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and his entire staff, has done and are doing anything and everything possible to assist me on this journey, this aspect of My Path. Very often I see the expressions in their faces and or that certain look in their eye's. Bless them, Good Folks, Great One.
All of me is nauseated at this moment. Gagging and burping. Today, there is nothing was my stomach, until dinner. So there was nothing but bile to gag on. The sweats have been during sleep and while awake, like now, and I've maintained a persistent state of dizziness during the times of being awake. Nasty time But I've had way worse day's. That's weird how the Meniere's Disease, has taught and trained me well. Able to distinguish such and be cheerful when I have days like today. Just throw on the cheerful fellow face and I'm in business.
I have lost a bit more weight. It is now time I change into clothes that fit me. It has been many years since I weighed this much. I look forward to losing many more pounds. For me.
Am done.
Relations,
I come to you today with an eager heart and Spirit's engaged. My past three days have been strange and have felt as if I was not the one in my skin...
On this past Wednesday, 9 May 12, I began a rest that lasted for approximately four hours, having been awakened for dinner by my Spouse at 1900 or so. I did not return to sleep until 0300 this morning and slept most of today. On and off. Even got all prepped as if stepping out some place, just to later remove all clothing for a return to slumber after a conversation with my Nephew-Who-Lives-With-The-Miccosoukee. The nephew who has become very much like a Son to me. He and his family are endeared to me and I am Blessed to have his wife as my Niece and their beautiful children as my younger Nieces and nephew, Master J. This youthful Generation is special. I feel it in my bones.
It was peculiar being awake for such a period of time. This is something that has happened a very few handful of times, such a minimal, I had not considered speaking with any of my doctor's about this, to include He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I have contemplated this today and it is myself who find this to be an anomaly, of sorts. I keep returning to the face-to-face, Doc. and I had on this Wednesday just past. My Brain's Mind, My Center and I have had to hush for a spell. As in a required state of conscience to not say anything that might create issues with our relationship...
...myself, I keep the mind-set that this big-thick-heavy-ass skull of mine is my problem. I am knowing and am aware He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and his entire staff, has done and are doing anything and everything possible to assist me on this journey, this aspect of My Path. Very often I see the expressions in their faces and or that certain look in their eye's. Bless them, Good Folks, Great One.
All of me is nauseated at this moment. Gagging and burping. Today, there is nothing was my stomach, until dinner. So there was nothing but bile to gag on. The sweats have been during sleep and while awake, like now, and I've maintained a persistent state of dizziness during the times of being awake. Nasty time But I've had way worse day's. That's weird how the Meniere's Disease, has taught and trained me well. Able to distinguish such and be cheerful when I have days like today. Just throw on the cheerful fellow face and I'm in business.
I have lost a bit more weight. It is now time I change into clothes that fit me. It has been many years since I weighed this much. I look forward to losing many more pounds. For me.
Am done.
Some Memorie's, Vibes, And A Lil' Hatred Addressed
I am in a place today the 10 of May, 2012, where I am attempting to be as positive as positive as can righteously be. I've gone as far as to have some of The Staples Singers on my stereo. Singing "let's Do It Again", straight into my one ear hole to the brain. Soothes my heart and Spirit's to listen to this group. The motion picture Wattstax turned me on to them way back when. Seems like so long ago - yet it seems as if it was just four or five years ago. Oh, Man, the movies of the time's back then...
...Shaft, Blacula, Let's Do It Again, Truck Turner with my favorite musician Issac Hayes, Super Fly by Curtis Mayfield, has to this day one of the best sound tracks of all time. Shit. Cleopatra Jones, Coffey, Cotton Comes To Harlem and I can stop and name so many more, but I'll move along and all the music that came with the motion pictures.
There are so many fantastic memories associated with this time of my life, My Path. The early to mid 1970's were perhaps some of the best years "of" my life. There was some ugly ass shit happening to me privately, but I kept a focus on my marks in school, ran with so pretty cool fellow's and was very much accepted in and with the Black community here in Tampa. The Mixed Blooded One found acceptance in a community that became a way of my life and a huge part of My Path.
I lied about my age on my first job application. I was 12.5 years old and passed for a sixteen year old dude. In a matter of time, I was a Crew Chief and running the store as a member of management. I think back and remember those day's of walking to work at the Chicken Joint (not it's true name) and walking home after work. Get home, shower, study and off to school the next day. Bused to school for integration.
The first album I ever purchased with "my" own money was Marvin Gaye's, "Let's Get It On". I think in my life span - I have gone through four vinyl albums, two cassette's and a Compact Disc. And recently a digital down load of this classic Soul Album. I have always loved the shit out of Mr. Marvin Gaye. He was a like a member of our family. His murder is one I'll take to my grave, haunted by a father shooting someone I considered a Hero.
My God, I was just reminded that the motion picture, "The God Father", forever changed the way I did certain things as a youth. Something clicked in my head and mind after seeing this at 12. My Mom took a bunch of the boy's and I to go see it in the theater.
Keep in mind this was the USA of the early '70's, the war was still going on, the assassinations of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., and Robert Kennedy had been less than a decade before...
...my Mixed Blooded ass, has seen with my own eye's and smelled with this nose, the difference we all live. I have felt the the spectrum's of Racism and prejudice and it's ugly business. It is because of my mixed bloodedness that I have been able to live in various communities and be accepted and respected by so many.
But, I kid you not, Relations, I have been abused and prejudiced against by many-too-many White's and Latin's in my day's here on Earth Mother. Yes, I have the Race's in my very blood, but what am I to mean? I was abused, as in physical, emotional, sexual - Rape, and prejudiced against more by the White's in my life than any Race. The Latin's with their ears and eye's closed "MUST HAVE" had some idea that I was being Sexually Abused/Raped/Incested by Men in their Community. Fuck! We lived on the same street!
Never once! Even when I was the sole paled skin mixed breed in the bunch, was I ever molested by any in the Black communities I visited/lived/ate/frequented as a youth and adolescent or adult. NEVER ONCE! In the Native American Communities, I have the same thing to say. The absolute same thing to say...
...I never had to play "thug" life or paint my face a different colour. And gladly so. For so many years of this life - I have loved being a Mixed Breed Dude and have been an incredibly skilled chameleon. A major benefit.
This is the year 2012, I am 52 years of age, and to this day, I continue to be prejudiced against, by the very people with similar skin colour as mine. I know this as a Man, Man. I have seen this through these same eye orbs all my life. This is why there are times when a bit of genuine hatred surfaces. How in the hell do you forgive the people who have done you the most harm in Life and or Path. Those who by their irresponsibility altered my very Path.
Oh, and by the way, there are two thing's on this Planet Earth Mother, that "wurk my last nur'" time and time and time again. Today, I'll share:
1. Are The Wannabe's. These are Folks from the Wanna Be Tribe. They Wanna be this race and or from that nation and everything but themselves. If you've got to fake it, Honey's, it ain't worth it a damn. Be you.
2. Lazy Folk! Especially them who are lazy and have been given this news on numerous occasions. I swear! There have been so many summa-bitchin' times I have thought about writing Dear Miss. Lady.
Wait, a third one has come up...
3. Them extra-extra-extra Large ass Folks, who plop their big trunks onto them little electric powered carts at the market. The way I look at this, is like this, "Ho, if you didn't come in on a wheel chair, Yo ass needs to walk anyways...
...what? Or "Y Que?". Shit, I'm only telling the truth.
Oh yes, a fourth one.
4. Terrorist. It doesn't make any difference the colour or their skin or orgin of birth. A terrorist is a terrorist. Deal with them accordingly.
...Shaft, Blacula, Let's Do It Again, Truck Turner with my favorite musician Issac Hayes, Super Fly by Curtis Mayfield, has to this day one of the best sound tracks of all time. Shit. Cleopatra Jones, Coffey, Cotton Comes To Harlem and I can stop and name so many more, but I'll move along and all the music that came with the motion pictures.
There are so many fantastic memories associated with this time of my life, My Path. The early to mid 1970's were perhaps some of the best years "of" my life. There was some ugly ass shit happening to me privately, but I kept a focus on my marks in school, ran with so pretty cool fellow's and was very much accepted in and with the Black community here in Tampa. The Mixed Blooded One found acceptance in a community that became a way of my life and a huge part of My Path.
I lied about my age on my first job application. I was 12.5 years old and passed for a sixteen year old dude. In a matter of time, I was a Crew Chief and running the store as a member of management. I think back and remember those day's of walking to work at the Chicken Joint (not it's true name) and walking home after work. Get home, shower, study and off to school the next day. Bused to school for integration.
The first album I ever purchased with "my" own money was Marvin Gaye's, "Let's Get It On". I think in my life span - I have gone through four vinyl albums, two cassette's and a Compact Disc. And recently a digital down load of this classic Soul Album. I have always loved the shit out of Mr. Marvin Gaye. He was a like a member of our family. His murder is one I'll take to my grave, haunted by a father shooting someone I considered a Hero.
My God, I was just reminded that the motion picture, "The God Father", forever changed the way I did certain things as a youth. Something clicked in my head and mind after seeing this at 12. My Mom took a bunch of the boy's and I to go see it in the theater.
Keep in mind this was the USA of the early '70's, the war was still going on, the assassinations of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., and Robert Kennedy had been less than a decade before...
...my Mixed Blooded ass, has seen with my own eye's and smelled with this nose, the difference we all live. I have felt the the spectrum's of Racism and prejudice and it's ugly business. It is because of my mixed bloodedness that I have been able to live in various communities and be accepted and respected by so many.
But, I kid you not, Relations, I have been abused and prejudiced against by many-too-many White's and Latin's in my day's here on Earth Mother. Yes, I have the Race's in my very blood, but what am I to mean? I was abused, as in physical, emotional, sexual - Rape, and prejudiced against more by the White's in my life than any Race. The Latin's with their ears and eye's closed "MUST HAVE" had some idea that I was being Sexually Abused/Raped/Incested by Men in their Community. Fuck! We lived on the same street!
Never once! Even when I was the sole paled skin mixed breed in the bunch, was I ever molested by any in the Black communities I visited/lived/ate/frequented as a youth and adolescent or adult. NEVER ONCE! In the Native American Communities, I have the same thing to say. The absolute same thing to say...
...I never had to play "thug" life or paint my face a different colour. And gladly so. For so many years of this life - I have loved being a Mixed Breed Dude and have been an incredibly skilled chameleon. A major benefit.
This is the year 2012, I am 52 years of age, and to this day, I continue to be prejudiced against, by the very people with similar skin colour as mine. I know this as a Man, Man. I have seen this through these same eye orbs all my life. This is why there are times when a bit of genuine hatred surfaces. How in the hell do you forgive the people who have done you the most harm in Life and or Path. Those who by their irresponsibility altered my very Path.
Oh, and by the way, there are two thing's on this Planet Earth Mother, that "wurk my last nur'" time and time and time again. Today, I'll share:
1. Are The Wannabe's. These are Folks from the Wanna Be Tribe. They Wanna be this race and or from that nation and everything but themselves. If you've got to fake it, Honey's, it ain't worth it a damn. Be you.
2. Lazy Folk! Especially them who are lazy and have been given this news on numerous occasions. I swear! There have been so many summa-bitchin' times I have thought about writing Dear Miss. Lady.
Wait, a third one has come up...
3. Them extra-extra-extra Large ass Folks, who plop their big trunks onto them little electric powered carts at the market. The way I look at this, is like this, "Ho, if you didn't come in on a wheel chair, Yo ass needs to walk anyways...
...what? Or "Y Que?". Shit, I'm only telling the truth.
Oh yes, a fourth one.
4. Terrorist. It doesn't make any difference the colour or their skin or orgin of birth. A terrorist is a terrorist. Deal with them accordingly.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Me Today, At This Moment, Wrapping Another Surgery About My Head
Dearest Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Night.
If you wish to speak with me, never hesitate to call. I am here. For anything at all.
On day's like today, it would be nice to have one to listen to. To be with a while.
I am un-easy-ish inside my Center at this moment. Suppose I have been the morning long.
What, with this next operation and pre-op and post op and the new cuts that run the deepest.
Please. Don't get upset about this next surgery. Okay? Please? Pinkie
Promise Please?
This is something that I do want to do. I am working with my Medical Heath Care Team, to prepare my implant for the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. The side of my skull is hideous with these lumps. These continue leaning down wards toward the "screw" (abutment) in my skull. With this next one, I'll receive a "bigger" one. I think I'll e-note He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, to clarify what does this "bigger" or "longer" abutment going to look like.
Today, Kindred, I need someone I can go out side and play with. I would love to toss baseballs to
challenge balance and coordination. What an awesome idea but, really? I hope and wish and pray that someday I will be able to go out side to play or go for a nice run about. Oh, how I would enjoy having someone to go Thrift Store shopping
with. One, like you to have coffee or tea with the neat shortbread biscuits. Have life's conversations and sip on a latte`.
Someone to come view The God Father, Parts I and II, back to back. Make popped corn. Maybe a Jamaican Beef Patty or two. With my hot sauce you see. Somebody to "holla" at. Somebody to have a chit-chat.
I was just out of doors and listened to the Cardinal, Mocking Bird, Peacock, and Annahinga out back. It sounds like a Tarzan film set next to the cement pond. Every once in a while I'll hear the croaking of the alligators that live out back, fifty or so yards from this sanctuary's fence. I promise, it's just like this. The honey bee's are active, new generations of multi-colored Dragoon Fly biz's about. There are a whole mess of these beautiful yellow and white flowers scattered about the back yard. My Bride says they're weeds. I can't explain. They look pretty to me. Butterfly's ease about...
...I was also startled by an enormous Yellow Grass Hopper! Startled not so much as scared by the bastard. Maybe, way back as a Kid I would've grabbed him and tossed him away and over the fence, but please, this is me forty-some years later. I mean, right? So I didn't trouble the guest, I figured this is one of God's creations and who am I to terminate this really large Grass Hopper's life...
...not I.
My prayers and ceremony are sent in the wind to the peoples of Syria, to those who live in the Sudan, The Congo and Cuba. My prayers are also for and with my President Obama and his family. God Bless, my Bride and daughter's.
Until then...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Two Doctor's In One Day And A Day With The In-Law's
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Greetings,
I have prepared to share with you a couple/few things that took place today, the 09th May 2012. So please, kick back, take your shoes off, and rest a spell as we have this interaction via heart to eye to heart. I've always considered this as an exchange from the first blog. Rather like having a chat with someone is how I truly feel about this. When there is a communication on or about a certain blog, then that provides the "chit". Thus, we are having a chit-chat, and I love it to deaf!
Had two doctors appointments today, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. This type of scene has happened maybe once or twice before - this having to appointments in one damned day. I mean really, and then to have them spread about like that is taxing. Taxing, not only on myself, but my In-Laws as well. Kindred, let me say these two incredible Folks, remind me of "The Honeymooner's", in real life. Hey! My Mother-In-Law, even has the same name of the female fictional character. Maybe leans a bit more towards the Mr. Kramden, the Bus Driver. Heck, it just dawned on me that they have a very dear friend that we might could call, "Norm". Wait! His wife is named Betty...
...or is Betty, Barney's wife?
Well, hell, talk about drifting off course. Ha! Must remember, no more two in one day.
Any way's, I'll start off with the first appointment over at She-Who-Cuts-And-Snips. The three stitches were removed by an Assistant to the Physician's Assistant. She's such a cutie-pa-tootie - so teenie-tiny. Bless her heart, when she began to provide directions on the post removal, she had this little thing where she instructed me on what "She", wanted me to do. Not what doctor wanted me to do. Bless her baby pea picking heart. I do have to give it to her though, she communicates clearly, clean and cute...
...am thinking that bossing me about like that, I liked it. Really. Stop. She was with enough position within the clinic that she was permitted to inform me that "all" of the "C" word had been removed. Yes! Blessed. Yes, Blessed. Thank you, Great One!
From there I was treated to a nice meal by my In-Law's. So very kind of them. I had not eaten my break fast, so the meal came in mighty handy. There was roughly two hours between appointments. The brunch was excellent and took up enough time for meal and conversation, then on to appointment number two.
The second appointment was with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. He and I had a face-to-face, a young brother to brother conversation and connection. Well before he shared with me the words he was searching for, to communicate with me, I knew what was approaching. He wanted to share his frustrations and why I was picking up on his agitated body language. Yes, we both are on the very same page. For me, it's like this, with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, I trust him with my life and have done so since this entire situation began. First with the bactericide injections into my ear to the first operation and all the way through each and surgery and each procedure since. I have trust in and with him. I've learned to love this Top 50 in the country physician. He knows that I know, we know, we are on the same page...
...so, I am scheduled for surgery on 05 June 2012. Yes, it is a necessity. If I want to hear. If I want to be able to listen better, then this is a no-brainer for me. Please understand. I just want to be able to listen with what seems like both ears. Listen to music. My children's voices. My dear Brides voice.
During the operation there will be the removal of these lumps touching my abutment, the removal of other lumps and the addition to my implant a longer abutment. We have learned that due to the bigness of my skull and it's flesh, much of what I see now will be removed. All of what will be done in the operating room will take an hour and one half.
I am immediately and intimately concerned for my dear Bride. She has been put through so much and so many procedures here at home that she has in fact been placed into the position of a Nurse. Oh yes, time and time again. Before I forget, the silicone disc, will be enlarged this time around. As will the Glasscock that I'll have to wear again. With pleasure. I miss the old one. Yep?
I succumbed to the sleep earlier today. Partly due to the Meniere's Attack of a couple day's and also the activities of the day. Maybe because I just had to close shop for a spell. I am not sure, but am damned sure that She-Who-Married-Me, surprised me with a bring home meal from the Burger King. Once I heard those words, my mind went from please-just-let-me-sleep-damn-it! - to let me get my large frame from this bed for a spell. Ha ha! Thank you, Ma'am!
Speaking of a spell, I have had a peaceful time connecting with you and have enjoyed this very much. Thank you so much for sitting with me a spell. It has been very helpful indeed. Think I'll head back to my safe place and rejoin Sitting Bull for a while.
Until the next time...........love, peace and more peace.........
Greetings,
I have prepared to share with you a couple/few things that took place today, the 09th May 2012. So please, kick back, take your shoes off, and rest a spell as we have this interaction via heart to eye to heart. I've always considered this as an exchange from the first blog. Rather like having a chat with someone is how I truly feel about this. When there is a communication on or about a certain blog, then that provides the "chit". Thus, we are having a chit-chat, and I love it to deaf!
Had two doctors appointments today, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. This type of scene has happened maybe once or twice before - this having to appointments in one damned day. I mean really, and then to have them spread about like that is taxing. Taxing, not only on myself, but my In-Laws as well. Kindred, let me say these two incredible Folks, remind me of "The Honeymooner's", in real life. Hey! My Mother-In-Law, even has the same name of the female fictional character. Maybe leans a bit more towards the Mr. Kramden, the Bus Driver. Heck, it just dawned on me that they have a very dear friend that we might could call, "Norm". Wait! His wife is named Betty...
...or is Betty, Barney's wife?
Well, hell, talk about drifting off course. Ha! Must remember, no more two in one day.
Any way's, I'll start off with the first appointment over at She-Who-Cuts-And-Snips. The three stitches were removed by an Assistant to the Physician's Assistant. She's such a cutie-pa-tootie - so teenie-tiny. Bless her heart, when she began to provide directions on the post removal, she had this little thing where she instructed me on what "She", wanted me to do. Not what doctor wanted me to do. Bless her baby pea picking heart. I do have to give it to her though, she communicates clearly, clean and cute...
...am thinking that bossing me about like that, I liked it. Really. Stop. She was with enough position within the clinic that she was permitted to inform me that "all" of the "C" word had been removed. Yes! Blessed. Yes, Blessed. Thank you, Great One!
From there I was treated to a nice meal by my In-Law's. So very kind of them. I had not eaten my break fast, so the meal came in mighty handy. There was roughly two hours between appointments. The brunch was excellent and took up enough time for meal and conversation, then on to appointment number two.
The second appointment was with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. He and I had a face-to-face, a young brother to brother conversation and connection. Well before he shared with me the words he was searching for, to communicate with me, I knew what was approaching. He wanted to share his frustrations and why I was picking up on his agitated body language. Yes, we both are on the very same page. For me, it's like this, with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, I trust him with my life and have done so since this entire situation began. First with the bactericide injections into my ear to the first operation and all the way through each and surgery and each procedure since. I have trust in and with him. I've learned to love this Top 50 in the country physician. He knows that I know, we know, we are on the same page...
...so, I am scheduled for surgery on 05 June 2012. Yes, it is a necessity. If I want to hear. If I want to be able to listen better, then this is a no-brainer for me. Please understand. I just want to be able to listen with what seems like both ears. Listen to music. My children's voices. My dear Brides voice.
During the operation there will be the removal of these lumps touching my abutment, the removal of other lumps and the addition to my implant a longer abutment. We have learned that due to the bigness of my skull and it's flesh, much of what I see now will be removed. All of what will be done in the operating room will take an hour and one half.
I am immediately and intimately concerned for my dear Bride. She has been put through so much and so many procedures here at home that she has in fact been placed into the position of a Nurse. Oh yes, time and time again. Before I forget, the silicone disc, will be enlarged this time around. As will the Glasscock that I'll have to wear again. With pleasure. I miss the old one. Yep?
I succumbed to the sleep earlier today. Partly due to the Meniere's Attack of a couple day's and also the activities of the day. Maybe because I just had to close shop for a spell. I am not sure, but am damned sure that She-Who-Married-Me, surprised me with a bring home meal from the Burger King. Once I heard those words, my mind went from please-just-let-me-sleep-damn-it! - to let me get my large frame from this bed for a spell. Ha ha! Thank you, Ma'am!
Speaking of a spell, I have had a peaceful time connecting with you and have enjoyed this very much. Thank you so much for sitting with me a spell. It has been very helpful indeed. Think I'll head back to my safe place and rejoin Sitting Bull for a while.
Until the next time...........love, peace and more peace.........
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Man Cramps, Funky Worms, Symptoms Of Meniere's
Menerie's related, I meant to share and mention something about My Man Cramps that I get several times a day. I call them facial cramps because this is where I have these types of cramps. I get them in the shower on occasion and get these damned near daily. A consequence of having the skull sawed in to and having my brain moved.
I also failed to mention the Worms that have continued to live between my scalp and skull. Rent Free. These bastards pick the damnedest time of day or night to decide to move about. Relations, I assure you it is not a pleasant sensation. I would much rather not have these movements in my head, but this too is a consequence of multiple operations and procedures. No doubt.
I have recently seen a video of a Native American Indian who accomplished what the doctors said would never happen. He learned to walk, then he learned to run...
...the running part was enlightening, up-lifting and a joy to view. It also struck my heart hard, you see, because that is exactly what I want and wish to do. I have unbeknownst to me started working on this process for my better health several weeks ago. I want to run so badly, I've dreamt of running.
There is another new sound to share with you. Earlier this afternoon, I heard AND listened to what sounded like C3PO. I was stunned at first and actually wondered, duuuude, what's happening? Yes, yes, at roughly 1720, I heard what sounded to me, too much like some sort of "audio transmission" with C3PO. A radio relay or something like that. But, I promise and so do Pinkie Swear that this was exactly what I heard. What I listened to for several moments too. Very computer like connection. This one sound is a sound I hope I never have to listen to again. It was frightening.
The smell of Wild Brown Rice, is an aroma from God. I love it too much!
I had an accident in the kitchen earlier. While holding a can of carrots, the item fell from my hands, out of the blue clear sky, and splashed liquids from within onto my face and chest. Yes, it was scary and yes, I am knowing how fortunate I am that this was not Hot Tea, Hot Coffee or Hot Soup, because I would have received many burns. It was horrifying. My mind went there as soon as it happened. Very scary for sure.
I've no more to say.
I also failed to mention the Worms that have continued to live between my scalp and skull. Rent Free. These bastards pick the damnedest time of day or night to decide to move about. Relations, I assure you it is not a pleasant sensation. I would much rather not have these movements in my head, but this too is a consequence of multiple operations and procedures. No doubt.
I have recently seen a video of a Native American Indian who accomplished what the doctors said would never happen. He learned to walk, then he learned to run...
...the running part was enlightening, up-lifting and a joy to view. It also struck my heart hard, you see, because that is exactly what I want and wish to do. I have unbeknownst to me started working on this process for my better health several weeks ago. I want to run so badly, I've dreamt of running.
There is another new sound to share with you. Earlier this afternoon, I heard AND listened to what sounded like C3PO. I was stunned at first and actually wondered, duuuude, what's happening? Yes, yes, at roughly 1720, I heard what sounded to me, too much like some sort of "audio transmission" with C3PO. A radio relay or something like that. But, I promise and so do Pinkie Swear that this was exactly what I heard. What I listened to for several moments too. Very computer like connection. This one sound is a sound I hope I never have to listen to again. It was frightening.
The smell of Wild Brown Rice, is an aroma from God. I love it too much!
I had an accident in the kitchen earlier. While holding a can of carrots, the item fell from my hands, out of the blue clear sky, and splashed liquids from within onto my face and chest. Yes, it was scary and yes, I am knowing how fortunate I am that this was not Hot Tea, Hot Coffee or Hot Soup, because I would have received many burns. It was horrifying. My mind went there as soon as it happened. Very scary for sure.
I've no more to say.
Shed This Shaggy Winter Coat, An Honor To
In the Webster Standard Dictionary the definition of "Shut in", is an invalid. That's an unfortunate business of looking up words. And damn it, yes that just frustrated me deeply.
I made an attempt to lay down and rest. Wanting to sleep badly, but the roaring in my Left Deaf Ear kept me from any serenity at all...
So then, in Honor of my Aunt Bunny, who recently Crossed Over, I have shed my shaggy Winter coat. Every curl and every single hair has been removed from this massive balding scalp of mine. To Honor the passing of this Wiley connected Kinfolk. I have remained in mourning. For all other reason's on Earth Mother, my heart is still heavy and sad. I think of my cousins daily. Wanting to hear their voices, wanting to see their smiles and meet their eye's to mine.
In Honor of of my 92 years old Grandmother. Having to listen to the words that were spoken to me with the harshness of what is happening with my Abuela Mary. The shit going on behind her face and inside her brains. It has been an Honor beyond expression to have her as my Dearest and most Beloved Grandmother. It's like, we just saw her Sunday. And she looked like my Abuela to me then. Oh, my dear Grandmother, I'll be forever thankful to be your Grandson. What a Blessing it has been.
I have also removed curls for the cousin of a dear friend of ours, who was killed fighting for liberty and freedom in Syria. May Allah, Bless this Man. To all of his family, I pray for you. And to you too, Sir.
I have an Aunt in Miami, Florida, who is preparing to be with God and his Angels. As a "family" we must surround her with love, respect and dignity. The "C" word has and is eating Tia up from the bones out. Oh, my dearest Tia, I know that you are aware that I have loved you since the first we met as Kinfolk. May the Great Spirit, ease your pain and let us work a miracle here by praying and praying. I Honor you, Tia, with the the love from within my Spirit's and the removal of this hair. I wish you strength.
In Honor to those who have passed before me...
I've said enough.
I made an attempt to lay down and rest. Wanting to sleep badly, but the roaring in my Left Deaf Ear kept me from any serenity at all...
So then, in Honor of my Aunt Bunny, who recently Crossed Over, I have shed my shaggy Winter coat. Every curl and every single hair has been removed from this massive balding scalp of mine. To Honor the passing of this Wiley connected Kinfolk. I have remained in mourning. For all other reason's on Earth Mother, my heart is still heavy and sad. I think of my cousins daily. Wanting to hear their voices, wanting to see their smiles and meet their eye's to mine.
In Honor of of my 92 years old Grandmother. Having to listen to the words that were spoken to me with the harshness of what is happening with my Abuela Mary. The shit going on behind her face and inside her brains. It has been an Honor beyond expression to have her as my Dearest and most Beloved Grandmother. It's like, we just saw her Sunday. And she looked like my Abuela to me then. Oh, my dear Grandmother, I'll be forever thankful to be your Grandson. What a Blessing it has been.
I have also removed curls for the cousin of a dear friend of ours, who was killed fighting for liberty and freedom in Syria. May Allah, Bless this Man. To all of his family, I pray for you. And to you too, Sir.
I have an Aunt in Miami, Florida, who is preparing to be with God and his Angels. As a "family" we must surround her with love, respect and dignity. The "C" word has and is eating Tia up from the bones out. Oh, my dearest Tia, I know that you are aware that I have loved you since the first we met as Kinfolk. May the Great Spirit, ease your pain and let us work a miracle here by praying and praying. I Honor you, Tia, with the the love from within my Spirit's and the removal of this hair. I wish you strength.
In Honor to those who have passed before me...
I've said enough.
Todays Meniere's Disease, 08 May 2012
Today has been a day of occupying my mind to keep it off of this pain in my skull. The site of operation continues to trouble me, both with the pain of the ear, scalp and head. It also continues to weep. I will see He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, tomorrow after noon. 1400 to be exact. Kindred, I ask you, please, send good energy my way. I have already discussed what my Crystal Ball tells me in previous blogs. If it is necessary for another operation, then let's get it done. The steroid ointment has been a nice experiment, but an unsatisfactory one.
Tomorrow morning I will also have a visit with She-Who-Cuts-And-Snips. She will remove the three remaining stitches on my under arm and will discuss with me the results from the laboratory.
I am having an extremely difficult time with the Meniere's today. Yesterdays Meniere's attack was an intense one and today I suffer the consequences of it...
...my structure and muscles ache and hurt as if I have fallen down stairs or had been in an outrageous fist fight with several hits to my body. These pains and aches compound the pains in my head at this moment and are above what go's on post vertigo attack.
I have made an attempt to connect with those who have made attempts at reaching me under whatever form of media. It has been a good and proper effort.
The sounds in my left Deaf ear have been so obnoxious I have wanted to sleep it off. All I could do was look at the ceiling of my safe place and focus. The sounds are so loud that it was a waste of time to attempt a slumber. There has been a roaring in this ear most of this today.
I have tried very hard to cope with this, but today, this has the advantage. The roaring so loud I can only compare it to a giant water fall. So loud it hurts. Attempted to have a conversation with my daughter earlier and the right ear is so sensitive that it was hurting to listen to her and her work on the other side of Earth Mother. Soon, my baby and Honorable Daughter Number One comes home for a nice extended visit. I so whole heartily wish that she was moving back for permanently. I miss my Daughter so much, it makes my Daddy Heart blue and sad with out her here with us. Home.
The dizziness is on high and I am very uncoordinated and clumsy. Have been such since yesterday. I feel as if my actual head is moving about in circles. Fuckin' Meniere's! Fuckin' Meniere's!
I have sweat off and on today. If not sweating, perspiring and or misting. My faithful bandanna and Do-Rag are in place to assist with the absorption of my body fluids. I shall require another shower in a few minutes. After I am done here with our conversation.
The nausea has been with me since yesterday. Lingering just beneath my Adam's apple creating a soreness in my throat. Have tasted my medications...
...yes, I do get exhausted from this and I do get so tired of having to deal with the symptoms time and time again. Over and again. I take my medications as directed and I am a good boy.
I just don't know what more to say. I just don't what more to do. I think I'll try laying down again. I surely can not go through these motions anymore at this time. Maybe I sleep.
Long Live The Queen!
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Tomorrow morning I will also have a visit with She-Who-Cuts-And-Snips. She will remove the three remaining stitches on my under arm and will discuss with me the results from the laboratory.
I am having an extremely difficult time with the Meniere's today. Yesterdays Meniere's attack was an intense one and today I suffer the consequences of it...
...my structure and muscles ache and hurt as if I have fallen down stairs or had been in an outrageous fist fight with several hits to my body. These pains and aches compound the pains in my head at this moment and are above what go's on post vertigo attack.
I have made an attempt to connect with those who have made attempts at reaching me under whatever form of media. It has been a good and proper effort.
The sounds in my left Deaf ear have been so obnoxious I have wanted to sleep it off. All I could do was look at the ceiling of my safe place and focus. The sounds are so loud that it was a waste of time to attempt a slumber. There has been a roaring in this ear most of this today.
I have tried very hard to cope with this, but today, this has the advantage. The roaring so loud I can only compare it to a giant water fall. So loud it hurts. Attempted to have a conversation with my daughter earlier and the right ear is so sensitive that it was hurting to listen to her and her work on the other side of Earth Mother. Soon, my baby and Honorable Daughter Number One comes home for a nice extended visit. I so whole heartily wish that she was moving back for permanently. I miss my Daughter so much, it makes my Daddy Heart blue and sad with out her here with us. Home.
The dizziness is on high and I am very uncoordinated and clumsy. Have been such since yesterday. I feel as if my actual head is moving about in circles. Fuckin' Meniere's! Fuckin' Meniere's!
I have sweat off and on today. If not sweating, perspiring and or misting. My faithful bandanna and Do-Rag are in place to assist with the absorption of my body fluids. I shall require another shower in a few minutes. After I am done here with our conversation.
The nausea has been with me since yesterday. Lingering just beneath my Adam's apple creating a soreness in my throat. Have tasted my medications...
...yes, I do get exhausted from this and I do get so tired of having to deal with the symptoms time and time again. Over and again. I take my medications as directed and I am a good boy.
I just don't know what more to say. I just don't what more to do. I think I'll try laying down again. I surely can not go through these motions anymore at this time. Maybe I sleep.
Long Live The Queen!
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
American Holocaust of Native American Indians (FULL Documentary)
This is the 500th publication of Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. In Honor of this 500th, I share this with you, my Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations. This is the way I will Honor my ancestors.
This is what I have spoken and written about on this blog and journal time and time again. Many White folk have wanted to debate and argue about the words I have shared. There were times when I permitted their ignorance space in my head. I have learned to close my non-deaf ear to their teeth chattering.
This is about the American Holocaust of our Native People's. Them that were my Grandmother Flossie's peoples...
...those who came before me.
I am proud to be a Mixed Breed and am proud to know that Cherokee runs through my veins.
I say no more.
Monday, May 7, 2012
The State of The State of My Union Address
*****************The State of The State of My Union Address*******************
Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,
I am sending this communique to report, inform and address certain subjects, incidents, and events since the last State of The State of My Union Address. (I will refrain from repeating that as much as very possible).
I shall begin by sharing that the Battles vs. The Meniere's Disease continues. I had surgery on 26 March 2012. The wound, seven weeks later continues to weep. The steroid ointment to ease the swollen lumps near the abutment and the site of my implant has had a minimal affect/effect on them. Three lumps, one of which comes into direct contact with the abutment itself. This operation was something I considered seriously because of the necessity of having to have in hospital surgery. This was to have enhanced the side of my skull to accommodate my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. My Medical Team and I have some incomplete work here. I want too badly to be able to utilize this tool that helps me hear even if but a bit better - is a bit better that being SSD, as I am today. (Single Side Deaf) Yes, I still have my right good-bad-ear working. Pretty much as it is, it's will. Not mine. The mysterious sudden silences continue to occur. I'm afraid He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will tell me that I'll have to go the rest of my life deaf.
One week and four days post operation I had an impressive bleeding. It was caused by a silicone disc that was to be used as a healing shield. This disc was creating the issue by cutting into my wound. Over and over, like a deli meat and cheese slicer. Saw? I won't go into many details but I did bleed an incredibly unfortunate amount of my precious life fluids. I gave an estimate of 2 liters of blood. I suspect I may have under estimated. I was just recently informed by one older than I, that I had panicked when the blood spewed from my wound. Informs me all I had to do was apply pressure. Why didn't I dial the 911 emergency line? Also stating the body has plenty of blood. Another agreed...
...I report that I have seen and felt how it is odd and so sad how and when some Folks, must have something to say about whatever it is/was one might experience in their Life's Travels. One's Path, My Path. I have had the misfortune of seeing this happen in other families, people, folks as well. Empathy?
I experienced a Life Altering Scenario with this bleeding. Never ever have I seen such a scene of blood. Bloody paper tissue from where I made a good effort to stop the bleeding. Wads and wads of blood soiled tissue that was totally wet and red with my blood - dripping with my blood. There came a point where I knew it was best for me to disrobe and get into the bath tub. Where I waited my Brides arrival. My Baby Sister was also in route to the Lodge. There was really no need for me to panic. Yes, the first few moments were a concern for me, but I knew exactly what to do.
I am thankful to Great Spirit, for being there with me in the silence. Am knowing very well, that I approached this incident as if I was attending to another who had been injured or was expelling blood clots, bit's of flesh and head matter. By the liter. Enough to make a blood pudding in the t-shirt I was wearing. Clots the size of chicken livers...
...I felt the energies from and of the Creator of All, Creator of the Earth Mother, planets and Universe. I was Blessed that day. I have not a cell of doubt that if it was to have been my day - it was a Damned Good Day To Die! My Creator shared and showed me that day, that there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to passing over or crossing over or dieing or whatever one might call death. It is not a horrible event when you're there in God's Company. I saw what it felt like to be removed from my Human form that day. What a sensation! I am feeling the sensations in my Core now in nice flashes, as I sit here speaking with you. I am knowing I decided then, in and with clear mind, Spirit's and body, that I was not dialing for the emergency folks, because they would have made an utter fucking mess of both front doors. I was looking at this from the position that I didn't want to inherit the debt of repair whiles disabled.
May the The Older one might reconsider. By the way, a Man Carry's 6 quarts or 5.6 liters of blood in his body. A Woman has 3.5 quarts or 3.3 liters. 5.6 liters - 2.00 liters = "not so much" remains. Celebrate with me with this event. Don't judge or display the vibes you share.
The incidents of Meniere's Disease Vertigo Attacks are averaging once every two weeks or so. The symptoms remain same. These seem to rotate and debate on which shall be superior. New sounds and noise within both ears have manifested. I was and have been diagnosed Bilateral Meniere's Disease. I am in the seat of someone who has had to deal with a menace of a disease in both ears. Here I am, continuing the struggle. Oh, yes, there was the time's of heavy depression, sadness and bitterness. I still have my bout's, but this is on a different level. My Spirit's tell me I am in a new seat. A good and comfortable one knowing with steadfast confidence that Great Spirit rests within my Core The Great One, dwells within.
Today, the Meniere's has been tasking. I am perspiring in an air conditioned lodge, nausea has been harsh and difficult. Non-productive, but very much in action. My throat goes sore from it...
...my balance and coordination's leaning to one side more than another. The Human Bumper Car, roams the floors and of a silent lodge. I have been out of doors for a few minutes for free Vitamin D. Let the hounds run amok...
...the dizziness drove me back inside. I am dizzy around the crown of my skull. An inexpressible and queer dizziness. It is best for me to be slow about the tip-tapping of these keys. *Note: I had to take a rest for a while. I felt the approaching changes of function by an attack while blogging. Actually the time was about 1415. I was Skyping with She-Who-Is-Far-Far-And-Away. Wow. It is 1808 at the moment and am very uncomfortable. My skeleton feels pained and aches. The nausea is severe, I am so dizzy I feel beyond drunk and am sweating like a Horse. I am exhausted and will require I retire directly.
Since 26 March 2012, the day of my latest surgery, I have lost 30.5 pounds or 13.8 Kilograms. Today is 07 May 2012. That's a hunk andchunk of something right there. If I should continue to lose weight at this rate I will reach out to my doctor. Yes, I am trying and have been doing so for some time, but damn, to lose so much so damned fast impresses me, but I am not too sure as to what I am doing differently. I just restarted the weight lifting to my day-to-day this morning. It's a must. My Human Form tells me so.
What was lost has been found and I have been reunited. A Man's Friend. I have three stitches remaining from what was five from an operation to remove the "C", stuff under my arms skin. The issues with Mr. Wang, have been addressed and properly dealt with. The Mr. Wangage is good, happy and healthy. Me too!
I am listening to loud and long lasting ping-ping's. Like the sound of a Tibetin bell, the ping lingers. In my right ear I am listening to what - (Wait! My Left Deaf ear just beeped! Loudly!) - sounds like a forest of insects. By the thousands and thousands. Like the forest around our home away from home in Cherokee sounds at dusk. It's as if every one insect and Feathered Cousin is in a rush to grab something to eat on the way back home...
...like our Feathered Cousins here in our Sanctuary connected to the preserve.
My adventures on the Little Bus has been a tremendous benefit to my life and My Path. Being able to venture out into society, if even but for a brief appointment has been extraordinarily freeing. I have had an opportunity to shop at the British and South African store. By myself! I love bangers, British goods and am crazy about the Xtra Hot Zulu Hot Sauce from South Africa. I also enjoy the South African Chutney. Oh, so good. Back to the Little Bus, I have not met one driver who was not polite or did treat me with above and beyond respect. What an incredible team that I have met. I am dealing with some Kinfolk who think it is funny by calling this means of transportation, the "Short Bus". If the term itself did not have such a disrespectful cognition, maybe I would feel differently. No, of course I would. Really.
My Aunt Bunny passed away the latter part of April. Wanting to speak with her about her recipe's, home remedies, Kinfolk and chit-chat away an hour. It hurts my Spirit's that I did not spend enough time with Aunt Bunny. It is sad, but this is something I must own.
My Bride, Honorable Daughter, and I went to visit our 92 year old Grandmother, my Abuela Mary, yesterday afternoon. I am being told that my Grandmother will not be here much longer. My Abuela, is soon off to rejoin her parents and children with Jesus and the Saint's. I love you, Honorable Grandmother.
My plans for the immedate future is too increase the amount of walking and exercising that I do on a daily basis by twice of what I've begin to do. I will take better care of my body's needs. My Health will improve naturally as the affect of time happens. I am addressing the in-take of what I put in my stomach, what I eat and or drink. I see a differince in the mirror and I like what I see.
I will continue to advocate for Equal Rights for people's around this beautiful Earth Mother. Especially, for those of us here in United States of America. For them who live in Syria, for those who live in the Sudan or the Congo. For them who live on the Reservations here in "our" country, for the Navaho Peoples in the West. For every Person of Color who lives in this America. I pray and have ceremony.
At this time I wrap up The State of The State of My Union Address, by saying thank you to all and every one who has taken a read of my words. I am forever humbled. If I may, I wish to send good fortune and good Bleesing. May good health be your way.
Love, peace and more peace, Me
Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,
I am sending this communique to report, inform and address certain subjects, incidents, and events since the last State of The State of My Union Address. (I will refrain from repeating that as much as very possible).
I shall begin by sharing that the Battles vs. The Meniere's Disease continues. I had surgery on 26 March 2012. The wound, seven weeks later continues to weep. The steroid ointment to ease the swollen lumps near the abutment and the site of my implant has had a minimal affect/effect on them. Three lumps, one of which comes into direct contact with the abutment itself. This operation was something I considered seriously because of the necessity of having to have in hospital surgery. This was to have enhanced the side of my skull to accommodate my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. My Medical Team and I have some incomplete work here. I want too badly to be able to utilize this tool that helps me hear even if but a bit better - is a bit better that being SSD, as I am today. (Single Side Deaf) Yes, I still have my right good-bad-ear working. Pretty much as it is, it's will. Not mine. The mysterious sudden silences continue to occur. I'm afraid He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will tell me that I'll have to go the rest of my life deaf.
One week and four days post operation I had an impressive bleeding. It was caused by a silicone disc that was to be used as a healing shield. This disc was creating the issue by cutting into my wound. Over and over, like a deli meat and cheese slicer. Saw? I won't go into many details but I did bleed an incredibly unfortunate amount of my precious life fluids. I gave an estimate of 2 liters of blood. I suspect I may have under estimated. I was just recently informed by one older than I, that I had panicked when the blood spewed from my wound. Informs me all I had to do was apply pressure. Why didn't I dial the 911 emergency line? Also stating the body has plenty of blood. Another agreed...
...I report that I have seen and felt how it is odd and so sad how and when some Folks, must have something to say about whatever it is/was one might experience in their Life's Travels. One's Path, My Path. I have had the misfortune of seeing this happen in other families, people, folks as well. Empathy?
I experienced a Life Altering Scenario with this bleeding. Never ever have I seen such a scene of blood. Bloody paper tissue from where I made a good effort to stop the bleeding. Wads and wads of blood soiled tissue that was totally wet and red with my blood - dripping with my blood. There came a point where I knew it was best for me to disrobe and get into the bath tub. Where I waited my Brides arrival. My Baby Sister was also in route to the Lodge. There was really no need for me to panic. Yes, the first few moments were a concern for me, but I knew exactly what to do.
I am thankful to Great Spirit, for being there with me in the silence. Am knowing very well, that I approached this incident as if I was attending to another who had been injured or was expelling blood clots, bit's of flesh and head matter. By the liter. Enough to make a blood pudding in the t-shirt I was wearing. Clots the size of chicken livers...
...I felt the energies from and of the Creator of All, Creator of the Earth Mother, planets and Universe. I was Blessed that day. I have not a cell of doubt that if it was to have been my day - it was a Damned Good Day To Die! My Creator shared and showed me that day, that there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to passing over or crossing over or dieing or whatever one might call death. It is not a horrible event when you're there in God's Company. I saw what it felt like to be removed from my Human form that day. What a sensation! I am feeling the sensations in my Core now in nice flashes, as I sit here speaking with you. I am knowing I decided then, in and with clear mind, Spirit's and body, that I was not dialing for the emergency folks, because they would have made an utter fucking mess of both front doors. I was looking at this from the position that I didn't want to inherit the debt of repair whiles disabled.
May the The Older one might reconsider. By the way, a Man Carry's 6 quarts or 5.6 liters of blood in his body. A Woman has 3.5 quarts or 3.3 liters. 5.6 liters - 2.00 liters = "not so much" remains. Celebrate with me with this event. Don't judge or display the vibes you share.
The incidents of Meniere's Disease Vertigo Attacks are averaging once every two weeks or so. The symptoms remain same. These seem to rotate and debate on which shall be superior. New sounds and noise within both ears have manifested. I was and have been diagnosed Bilateral Meniere's Disease. I am in the seat of someone who has had to deal with a menace of a disease in both ears. Here I am, continuing the struggle. Oh, yes, there was the time's of heavy depression, sadness and bitterness. I still have my bout's, but this is on a different level. My Spirit's tell me I am in a new seat. A good and comfortable one knowing with steadfast confidence that Great Spirit rests within my Core The Great One, dwells within.
Today, the Meniere's has been tasking. I am perspiring in an air conditioned lodge, nausea has been harsh and difficult. Non-productive, but very much in action. My throat goes sore from it...
...my balance and coordination's leaning to one side more than another. The Human Bumper Car, roams the floors and of a silent lodge. I have been out of doors for a few minutes for free Vitamin D. Let the hounds run amok...
...the dizziness drove me back inside. I am dizzy around the crown of my skull. An inexpressible and queer dizziness. It is best for me to be slow about the tip-tapping of these keys. *Note: I had to take a rest for a while. I felt the approaching changes of function by an attack while blogging. Actually the time was about 1415. I was Skyping with She-Who-Is-Far-Far-And-Away. Wow. It is 1808 at the moment and am very uncomfortable. My skeleton feels pained and aches. The nausea is severe, I am so dizzy I feel beyond drunk and am sweating like a Horse. I am exhausted and will require I retire directly.
Since 26 March 2012, the day of my latest surgery, I have lost 30.5 pounds or 13.8 Kilograms. Today is 07 May 2012. That's a hunk andchunk of something right there. If I should continue to lose weight at this rate I will reach out to my doctor. Yes, I am trying and have been doing so for some time, but damn, to lose so much so damned fast impresses me, but I am not too sure as to what I am doing differently. I just restarted the weight lifting to my day-to-day this morning. It's a must. My Human Form tells me so.
What was lost has been found and I have been reunited. A Man's Friend. I have three stitches remaining from what was five from an operation to remove the "C", stuff under my arms skin. The issues with Mr. Wang, have been addressed and properly dealt with. The Mr. Wangage is good, happy and healthy. Me too!
I am listening to loud and long lasting ping-ping's. Like the sound of a Tibetin bell, the ping lingers. In my right ear I am listening to what - (Wait! My Left Deaf ear just beeped! Loudly!) - sounds like a forest of insects. By the thousands and thousands. Like the forest around our home away from home in Cherokee sounds at dusk. It's as if every one insect and Feathered Cousin is in a rush to grab something to eat on the way back home...
...like our Feathered Cousins here in our Sanctuary connected to the preserve.
My adventures on the Little Bus has been a tremendous benefit to my life and My Path. Being able to venture out into society, if even but for a brief appointment has been extraordinarily freeing. I have had an opportunity to shop at the British and South African store. By myself! I love bangers, British goods and am crazy about the Xtra Hot Zulu Hot Sauce from South Africa. I also enjoy the South African Chutney. Oh, so good. Back to the Little Bus, I have not met one driver who was not polite or did treat me with above and beyond respect. What an incredible team that I have met. I am dealing with some Kinfolk who think it is funny by calling this means of transportation, the "Short Bus". If the term itself did not have such a disrespectful cognition, maybe I would feel differently. No, of course I would. Really.
My Aunt Bunny passed away the latter part of April. Wanting to speak with her about her recipe's, home remedies, Kinfolk and chit-chat away an hour. It hurts my Spirit's that I did not spend enough time with Aunt Bunny. It is sad, but this is something I must own.
My Bride, Honorable Daughter, and I went to visit our 92 year old Grandmother, my Abuela Mary, yesterday afternoon. I am being told that my Grandmother will not be here much longer. My Abuela, is soon off to rejoin her parents and children with Jesus and the Saint's. I love you, Honorable Grandmother.
My plans for the immedate future is too increase the amount of walking and exercising that I do on a daily basis by twice of what I've begin to do. I will take better care of my body's needs. My Health will improve naturally as the affect of time happens. I am addressing the in-take of what I put in my stomach, what I eat and or drink. I see a differince in the mirror and I like what I see.
I will continue to advocate for Equal Rights for people's around this beautiful Earth Mother. Especially, for those of us here in United States of America. For them who live in Syria, for those who live in the Sudan or the Congo. For them who live on the Reservations here in "our" country, for the Navaho Peoples in the West. For every Person of Color who lives in this America. I pray and have ceremony.
At this time I wrap up The State of The State of My Union Address, by saying thank you to all and every one who has taken a read of my words. I am forever humbled. If I may, I wish to send good fortune and good Bleesing. May good health be your way.
Love, peace and more peace, Me
Life Changes
There has been three balloons in this quiet spot of my lodge that from time to time rustle about and startle me very good and proper. Once I know it scared me so bad that something changed in my cellular structure. One of these three has deflated and rests on my sewing table. Two remain and having said that I've decided to let them be. These are from when we celebrated my Brides birthday back on 20 March. What, is helium made differently than when I was a child? There is no comparrison in my eye's. I mean, I see these two here. The changes I can not imagine.
I may not have known this before, but there is something that resonates within my Spirit's that lets me know that I am a Blessed man. I am still young, my bride and I have been married for thirty-two years and I have the two most fabulous daughters on Mother Earth. It is un-necessary for me to comment on the trails and tribulations of our younger years - it would serve no purpose, and besides, I can't go back and change a thing. Life's Changes. Today, what I can say is that I love my Bride with all my heart and that she is "the" one and only, and is my very best good friend forever. More than my mate, she is my Nurse, my Doctor, and I love our Life together.
I felt a desire to tippy-tap a spell. Sort of warming up before the ball game. You name it. I'll wish that I could play it. Football from here, Soccer from around the globe, Baseball, Basketball, Softball, and or Kickball, even. So many changes. I just wish I could run and run, run until it takes my breathe away. I miss team sport activities. I miss public inter-action. I miss listening to the voices of other lands...
...I miss the voices of Kinfolk past. Sadly enough, we just don't know how much a Mom's voice means to us untill Mom has gone away. Or the sound of my Aunt Bunny's voice who just recently crossed over. Not a day goes by that I have not thought of my cousins, Aunt Bunny's children. My dear cousins. I won't name them out of respect to their privacy. Please, know that I love you all and all ways have. Oh, so it has been, so many Life changes.
Life changes when a baby is born. All and everything changes, you see. Life changes when a parent out lives a child and life changes when Mommy goes to Heavan. I know this to be true because my Mom passed across in 2004. Three years after her son, my Kid Brother died. Two years prior to my Dad leaving to rejoin Ma and Dave and all of them who have passed before me...
...I saw what my brothers death did to Mom and Dad. Their life was never the same after finding Dave asleep in his bedroom. Forever changed. My Grandmother Mary, experianced this when her son, my Dad passed. I know that my Aunt Bunny and Papa experianced the same thing. It's just not right. It seems ass backwards in my mind. Life changes.
The State of My State of The Union will be posted later on today.
For now, I've said enough.
I may not have known this before, but there is something that resonates within my Spirit's that lets me know that I am a Blessed man. I am still young, my bride and I have been married for thirty-two years and I have the two most fabulous daughters on Mother Earth. It is un-necessary for me to comment on the trails and tribulations of our younger years - it would serve no purpose, and besides, I can't go back and change a thing. Life's Changes. Today, what I can say is that I love my Bride with all my heart and that she is "the" one and only, and is my very best good friend forever. More than my mate, she is my Nurse, my Doctor, and I love our Life together.
I felt a desire to tippy-tap a spell. Sort of warming up before the ball game. You name it. I'll wish that I could play it. Football from here, Soccer from around the globe, Baseball, Basketball, Softball, and or Kickball, even. So many changes. I just wish I could run and run, run until it takes my breathe away. I miss team sport activities. I miss public inter-action. I miss listening to the voices of other lands...
...I miss the voices of Kinfolk past. Sadly enough, we just don't know how much a Mom's voice means to us untill Mom has gone away. Or the sound of my Aunt Bunny's voice who just recently crossed over. Not a day goes by that I have not thought of my cousins, Aunt Bunny's children. My dear cousins. I won't name them out of respect to their privacy. Please, know that I love you all and all ways have. Oh, so it has been, so many Life changes.
Life changes when a baby is born. All and everything changes, you see. Life changes when a parent out lives a child and life changes when Mommy goes to Heavan. I know this to be true because my Mom passed across in 2004. Three years after her son, my Kid Brother died. Two years prior to my Dad leaving to rejoin Ma and Dave and all of them who have passed before me...
...I saw what my brothers death did to Mom and Dad. Their life was never the same after finding Dave asleep in his bedroom. Forever changed. My Grandmother Mary, experianced this when her son, my Dad passed. I know that my Aunt Bunny and Papa experianced the same thing. It's just not right. It seems ass backwards in my mind. Life changes.
The State of My State of The Union will be posted later on today.
For now, I've said enough.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Never Once Have I
Never once have I ever uttered the words, "Why me, Lord?". I figure this is what The Great Spirit, intended and who am I to ask the One God, such a selfish question? Not me.
Yes, even with the injections, each set of procedures, and every surgery and operation. With the pain and misery that comes from them and the Meniere's Disease's vertigo attacks themselves. The symptom's prior to and after each and every one...
...the battles over the past many years. In and out of my skull and brains. Even having lost hearing and I love music and the voices of Kinfolk and Kindred...
...I just never have said those words.
Neither with the pneumonia's and asthma attacks that I suspect will take me home someday. I was born with the asthma. So, I never asked...
...I don't know why or how, I've always had the Faith that God, does in fact have me covered. He's got my back you see.
When I was being abused, physically or sexually abused, I never asked Jah, that question. I have had since childhood this inner voice that kept telling me, every thing's gonna be alright.
Every thing's going to be alright has been my Life's mantra. I've had to pray and believe this to be. I have and had to hold on to something. Good goodness, if not for this belief I would've been gone many years ago. Over and over, I used up my cat lives...
...time and time again, Great Spirit was there. Maybe not while I was being trained to suckle, I used to think. Today, I know just how much The Great Mystery, has had me in sight.
There's a preacher man next door that wants to preach to me. Preacher doesn't have ears. I have Great Mystery in my Soul that belongs to the Universe. That belongs to my Creator. It would be best if preacher man listened to and practiced what he wants to preach...
...I walk with the strong belief that I know who my God is. My church lies all about me. I pray. I have a direct line to my Creator.
No need to ask, why me?
I've said enough.
Yes, even with the injections, each set of procedures, and every surgery and operation. With the pain and misery that comes from them and the Meniere's Disease's vertigo attacks themselves. The symptom's prior to and after each and every one...
...the battles over the past many years. In and out of my skull and brains. Even having lost hearing and I love music and the voices of Kinfolk and Kindred...
...I just never have said those words.
Neither with the pneumonia's and asthma attacks that I suspect will take me home someday. I was born with the asthma. So, I never asked...
...I don't know why or how, I've always had the Faith that God, does in fact have me covered. He's got my back you see.
When I was being abused, physically or sexually abused, I never asked Jah, that question. I have had since childhood this inner voice that kept telling me, every thing's gonna be alright.
Every thing's going to be alright has been my Life's mantra. I've had to pray and believe this to be. I have and had to hold on to something. Good goodness, if not for this belief I would've been gone many years ago. Over and over, I used up my cat lives...
...time and time again, Great Spirit was there. Maybe not while I was being trained to suckle, I used to think. Today, I know just how much The Great Mystery, has had me in sight.
There's a preacher man next door that wants to preach to me. Preacher doesn't have ears. I have Great Mystery in my Soul that belongs to the Universe. That belongs to my Creator. It would be best if preacher man listened to and practiced what he wants to preach...
...I walk with the strong belief that I know who my God is. My church lies all about me. I pray. I have a direct line to my Creator.
No need to ask, why me?
I've said enough.
Them Without Ear's, War And Life
I am amazed at how some folks are so sadly without ears. When it comes to what is important to one, a few, several hundred thousand and the millions on this Earth Mother. There are millions upon millions that are not being heard. It is as if I really truly do not have a voice. These fools without ears. For some, and apparently very many, these people's live without respect, dignity, nor empathy for their fellow Earth Mates. Human or otherwise...
...I am exhausted of the Wars going on and across the globe. The genocide occurring as we just inhaled that last breath. If more would do just that - step back and inhale, exhale for a moment or two..
...I believe with every fiber of this Humans body, with every alter that may dwell within and with every Spirit that is/are a part of who I am, just "if" more of us remembered to breath. With deep cleansing breathes...
...our Earth Mother, would be a safer place to live. There would be far less War and Genocide would be expelled from our lives. There would be less Domestic Violence, there would be less Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape. Crimes would plummet. Racism would be a thing of our past.
We would better protect Earth Mother, instead of taking for granted the very things we need as Human Folk to continue to survive. We would insure all creatures grand and small would be provided their protected grounds to live safely with their young and have space to roam as these creatures have since the beginning of time. Our waters would be cleaner to drink and bathe. Sea Beings, the every right to live and live to have great numbers.
Hate would be such a minor percentage of haters that haters would eventually see just how life can be lived. At the pace we as a people's are following the calender, it's but a matter of time before we become the endangered ones. Thinking back over that last comment, I would say we are the endangered one's.
I do not and have not given up. I must be able to hold on that there are peoples out there that do remember to stop and breath...
...it is not I, I am concerned about. It is my daughters, the children of today, and them not yet here I worry for. Our future generations of youth and elders. I will pray and strive to have strong hope that none of our friends here on Earth Mother ever press the button. I am so sadly disappointed with the words I read in this mornings press. It was as if all I could say was really?
Let us be by far, more preemptive to extend a friendly or helping hand to each other's Wonderful Home Land's. Keep in mind the indigenous. Remember always the youth and our Elders...
...love and respect one another and take care of Nature. We need Nature, more than it needs us.
I have no more to say.
...I am exhausted of the Wars going on and across the globe. The genocide occurring as we just inhaled that last breath. If more would do just that - step back and inhale, exhale for a moment or two..
...I believe with every fiber of this Humans body, with every alter that may dwell within and with every Spirit that is/are a part of who I am, just "if" more of us remembered to breath. With deep cleansing breathes...
...our Earth Mother, would be a safer place to live. There would be far less War and Genocide would be expelled from our lives. There would be less Domestic Violence, there would be less Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Incest and Rape. Crimes would plummet. Racism would be a thing of our past.
We would better protect Earth Mother, instead of taking for granted the very things we need as Human Folk to continue to survive. We would insure all creatures grand and small would be provided their protected grounds to live safely with their young and have space to roam as these creatures have since the beginning of time. Our waters would be cleaner to drink and bathe. Sea Beings, the every right to live and live to have great numbers.
Hate would be such a minor percentage of haters that haters would eventually see just how life can be lived. At the pace we as a people's are following the calender, it's but a matter of time before we become the endangered ones. Thinking back over that last comment, I would say we are the endangered one's.
I do not and have not given up. I must be able to hold on that there are peoples out there that do remember to stop and breath...
...it is not I, I am concerned about. It is my daughters, the children of today, and them not yet here I worry for. Our future generations of youth and elders. I will pray and strive to have strong hope that none of our friends here on Earth Mother ever press the button. I am so sadly disappointed with the words I read in this mornings press. It was as if all I could say was really?
Let us be by far, more preemptive to extend a friendly or helping hand to each other's Wonderful Home Land's. Keep in mind the indigenous. Remember always the youth and our Elders...
...love and respect one another and take care of Nature. We need Nature, more than it needs us.
I have no more to say.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Deep Massage Of My Brains, Ting Ting, And Meniere's
If there was a means, I would gladly appreciate a Deep Brain Massage. I know what it's like to have deep tissue massage, but a brain massage would be orgasmic. There are times when I wish I could if even but a minute reach behind this skull of mine. Areas of pain develop like pockets of nerves waiting to be hit and distributed to other parts of this Human Body. There are very few nights that I miss out on massaging my scalp by hand and with a tool that finds and hits these damned nerves every time. I consider the flesh, nerves and vessels that have been cut, sliced and disposed of...
...my head does not look like the skull and head I was born with. I have that canvas here that is painting a of saucer sized satellite resting on the left side of my head. Look, when I can see it face-to-face on and or in the mirror, I know this is going to be big, no, huge once done and healed.
The site of my implant is smooth and soft to the South of implant and lumped and Mal-formed scars to the North. I want this ointment to work and succeed at it's intended purpose. I mean, please, will some body toss this ole Doggy a bone. It's in the Core of my mind and being that there will be another trip to procedure or surgery. Then, if I am incorrect, I'll be happy. Oui?
Please, pardon me, speaking of dogs, I observed something that my dear hound Ting Ting does with her vittles. I feed them at 1800 you see, they tell me when it's 1800. Anyway's, this evening I noticed Ting Ting removing bits and pieces from her Dog Dish and setting rolls of three bits - side by side "just" touching one another. Now, what am I to say? Maybe now I am an exclusive member with the National Dogg Secret Service? I don't know. One thing I do know is that I love Ting Ting more than any other pet ever. There was a couple of pups as a child, but we were not permitted the time to bond. For one, a Kinfolk member drove him off and the second was the runt of the litter and I reckon, as I was told, her Mama, had to do something about her. Too many pup's I was told.
The Great Spirit, as my witness, Ting Ting, is this Man's very best good friend. And, Folks, she is very strict with who I have contact with. She is very protective and supervises me when I'm out in the Garden's. Yes, I have more than one garden. I feel their Plant and Tree Vibes and am Blessed to have such a connection with the plant life. A true Blessing indeed.
I have had a day that has had me so dizzy it was necessary to lay down, nausea so bad I considered Bulimia, but there was nothing in my stomach but pills and capsules and gel cap. I couldn't see that action because it would have been a waste of money and good medicine. Oh my, I can be such a damned goof.
I have contemplated for the past couple of hours about this meniere's disease and how in the hell could I have had this invasion wait until I was forty-something to attack and manifest it's plan on my mind, body and Spirit's. I can remember the questions and answers about the accidents or blows to the head and or ear. Well, I have come up with a small list of incidents from my childhood to the present...
...I remember falling off the back of an ice cream truck and banging the hell out of the back of my head. I have been slapped on ears a few times - all by Kinfolk. Odd how that just happened to slap me on the face. Pun intended. I have fallen off of tall fences and trees. Falling and bouncing my head on the floor and or Earth Mother. No, don't fool yourself, Mother Earth, has no cushion to break a fall. I have fallen off the backs of horese and know this to be true. I would love cushions for me to wear and protect my Human form, skin, bones and all. Please! Ha!
The sounds in my Deaf ear has had another festive day with beeps to hearing someone talk to me while I was in the shower. So clear was this voice, I thought three things, A. My youngest was home early. B. My Eldest was leaving a message. and C. I thought my Bride was home or leaving me a message on the telephone. Nope. I was home alone and not one message on the telephone.
I have had ear pains today. Have developed a sore throat and am able to determine that my glands are swollen in my neck. All weird and all a mystery.
My balance is off and coordination affected. The Human-Bumper-Car walking.
I can feel the sweat slide from my chest pass over my stomach to get caught by my Camo Shorts. My neck is misting, so I keep a faithful bandanna wrapped about my slimming neck.
Oh, YES! I have lost 12 pounds since 26 March 2012. That reflects just how much heavier I was the day of surgery. Oh no, I can't share that yet, but I will share that I have lost a pant size, a shirt size and a belt size. I don't wish to be boastful because I don't want to jinx my success...
...although that is one five pound bag of flour, one five pound bag of sugar and a couple nice sized sweet potatoes. I mean, really. Or, a ten pound bag of brown rice and two pounds of coffee.
She's gone country........look at them boots.
Be well.
...my head does not look like the skull and head I was born with. I have that canvas here that is painting a of saucer sized satellite resting on the left side of my head. Look, when I can see it face-to-face on and or in the mirror, I know this is going to be big, no, huge once done and healed.
The site of my implant is smooth and soft to the South of implant and lumped and Mal-formed scars to the North. I want this ointment to work and succeed at it's intended purpose. I mean, please, will some body toss this ole Doggy a bone. It's in the Core of my mind and being that there will be another trip to procedure or surgery. Then, if I am incorrect, I'll be happy. Oui?
Please, pardon me, speaking of dogs, I observed something that my dear hound Ting Ting does with her vittles. I feed them at 1800 you see, they tell me when it's 1800. Anyway's, this evening I noticed Ting Ting removing bits and pieces from her Dog Dish and setting rolls of three bits - side by side "just" touching one another. Now, what am I to say? Maybe now I am an exclusive member with the National Dogg Secret Service? I don't know. One thing I do know is that I love Ting Ting more than any other pet ever. There was a couple of pups as a child, but we were not permitted the time to bond. For one, a Kinfolk member drove him off and the second was the runt of the litter and I reckon, as I was told, her Mama, had to do something about her. Too many pup's I was told.
The Great Spirit, as my witness, Ting Ting, is this Man's very best good friend. And, Folks, she is very strict with who I have contact with. She is very protective and supervises me when I'm out in the Garden's. Yes, I have more than one garden. I feel their Plant and Tree Vibes and am Blessed to have such a connection with the plant life. A true Blessing indeed.
I have had a day that has had me so dizzy it was necessary to lay down, nausea so bad I considered Bulimia, but there was nothing in my stomach but pills and capsules and gel cap. I couldn't see that action because it would have been a waste of money and good medicine. Oh my, I can be such a damned goof.
I have contemplated for the past couple of hours about this meniere's disease and how in the hell could I have had this invasion wait until I was forty-something to attack and manifest it's plan on my mind, body and Spirit's. I can remember the questions and answers about the accidents or blows to the head and or ear. Well, I have come up with a small list of incidents from my childhood to the present...
...I remember falling off the back of an ice cream truck and banging the hell out of the back of my head. I have been slapped on ears a few times - all by Kinfolk. Odd how that just happened to slap me on the face. Pun intended. I have fallen off of tall fences and trees. Falling and bouncing my head on the floor and or Earth Mother. No, don't fool yourself, Mother Earth, has no cushion to break a fall. I have fallen off the backs of horese and know this to be true. I would love cushions for me to wear and protect my Human form, skin, bones and all. Please! Ha!
The sounds in my Deaf ear has had another festive day with beeps to hearing someone talk to me while I was in the shower. So clear was this voice, I thought three things, A. My youngest was home early. B. My Eldest was leaving a message. and C. I thought my Bride was home or leaving me a message on the telephone. Nope. I was home alone and not one message on the telephone.
I have had ear pains today. Have developed a sore throat and am able to determine that my glands are swollen in my neck. All weird and all a mystery.
My balance is off and coordination affected. The Human-Bumper-Car walking.
I can feel the sweat slide from my chest pass over my stomach to get caught by my Camo Shorts. My neck is misting, so I keep a faithful bandanna wrapped about my slimming neck.
Oh, YES! I have lost 12 pounds since 26 March 2012. That reflects just how much heavier I was the day of surgery. Oh no, I can't share that yet, but I will share that I have lost a pant size, a shirt size and a belt size. I don't wish to be boastful because I don't want to jinx my success...
...although that is one five pound bag of flour, one five pound bag of sugar and a couple nice sized sweet potatoes. I mean, really. Or, a ten pound bag of brown rice and two pounds of coffee.
She's gone country........look at them boots.
Be well.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Meniere's At Night And A Mile Stone
With this publication, I will move to within five blogs of having 500 publications. As of earlier today I went over 9,000 visits. All, since August of 2010 and with that being said, I remain in my description of being a simple one. The numbers are mind numbing to me. A simple fellow who has worked hard since the age of 13 years. The year I began to pay Social Security. And worked every year since until the Meniere's Disease flipped my life upside down and inside out...
...oh, Good God, yes, I have gone through some major changes in the past three to four years. Many of you have been right here with me, but my dear Relations, I have never once asked "why me, my Lord?". Never one time have I uttered these words. And no, I have not thought them either. I have earned my rights as an ADA certified individual who has been disabled by a pain in the ass disease and situation to do whatever it takes to win my life back. Shared these very same words with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, earlier today.
Since the visit, I have developed what is turning into a dreadful ear ache in my Left Deaf Ear. It is accompanied by an extremely loud roaring noise. This is a natural roaring, as in a torrential down pour of rain or a nice sized water fall. Loud damn it - it's loud. Going on at this moment as it has since 2130. In the background of this roar, I can hear and listen to many mini beep-beep-beep's. I am exhausted from the work involved in trying to fight this shit off.
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah...
I am amazed and so humbled to see how me and my simple words have reached so many.
Relations, I thank you all, and will thank you again come the 500th blog.
Please, let me share that my right-good-bad-ear is listening to loud insects and frogs. There sure is a whole mess of them up tonight, here between my ears. Understand and know as truth, I have been to my safe place already. Tucked and all nice and snuggled in...
...the noises kept sure I was not to have a comfortable rest. I journaled and knew better than to attempt a read. With this racket going on up here, I would've been reading same sentences over and over. I'm just not in the mood.
The worms have remained active.
I have been able to keep the nausea from being not more than a taste it twice scenario.
My vision is once again affected. Yes, Ma'am, I forgot to speak with doctor about that. I'll create a list for the visit next week.
I have taken my p.m. medications and plan on returning to bed as soon as I might. This noise, the audio hallucinations as Sir Dude calls them, must settle way down.
My attention is distracted. These words will do.
...oh, Good God, yes, I have gone through some major changes in the past three to four years. Many of you have been right here with me, but my dear Relations, I have never once asked "why me, my Lord?". Never one time have I uttered these words. And no, I have not thought them either. I have earned my rights as an ADA certified individual who has been disabled by a pain in the ass disease and situation to do whatever it takes to win my life back. Shared these very same words with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, earlier today.
Since the visit, I have developed what is turning into a dreadful ear ache in my Left Deaf Ear. It is accompanied by an extremely loud roaring noise. This is a natural roaring, as in a torrential down pour of rain or a nice sized water fall. Loud damn it - it's loud. Going on at this moment as it has since 2130. In the background of this roar, I can hear and listen to many mini beep-beep-beep's. I am exhausted from the work involved in trying to fight this shit off.
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah...
I am amazed and so humbled to see how me and my simple words have reached so many.
Relations, I thank you all, and will thank you again come the 500th blog.
Please, let me share that my right-good-bad-ear is listening to loud insects and frogs. There sure is a whole mess of them up tonight, here between my ears. Understand and know as truth, I have been to my safe place already. Tucked and all nice and snuggled in...
...the noises kept sure I was not to have a comfortable rest. I journaled and knew better than to attempt a read. With this racket going on up here, I would've been reading same sentences over and over. I'm just not in the mood.
The worms have remained active.
I have been able to keep the nausea from being not more than a taste it twice scenario.
My vision is once again affected. Yes, Ma'am, I forgot to speak with doctor about that. I'll create a list for the visit next week.
I have taken my p.m. medications and plan on returning to bed as soon as I might. This noise, the audio hallucinations as Sir Dude calls them, must settle way down.
My attention is distracted. These words will do.
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