When Stuff Like That Happens...

Kindred,                                                                                                            08 December 2014

It's true, you know?

That when Folks talk to me with negativity or harsh energy in their voice.

There's a part of me, I know, that wants me to retreat from these Folks.

Darn near constantly, in my face with their faces.

Gawking at the hollow part of my scalp where my implant sticks out.

Too much like a damned bad recurring dream -

I often find myself in the "position that makes me feel so damned

- Un-pretty". (Lyric By TLC) (God Bless TLC!!)

I sometime don't have much of an issue when Folks take a look.

It's the fools who go out of their way to gawk, or to be rude.

In person and on the telephone too.

Shit, I've got to get out more often! Sensitive fellow, I reckon.

Yes, I understand there remain issues on this topic. So yes,

all of this and that really does still make me feel un-pretty.

Yes, Master?

What If This Is The Way You Were Treated As A Patient?

Hello Reader's and Guests,

I simply wish to ask a quick question and share a scenario I had minutes ago with a company that is supposed to be the middle folks in assisting me with getting my newest BAHA, the BAHA 5. The newest and latest and most bad ass implant yet, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It is sad enough, and bad enough that my team failed to inform me of a BAHA 4. Or the BAHA 5, until I mentioned it. I empathize and truly understand busy business is a busy business, but really?

Every time I respond to the telephone, or speak business on our house telephone, I let the caller know they are speaking with an individual who is Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing.

To get straight to the point and purpose of this communique is to share what really happened to me just minutes ago when I called into this medical business.

A business that is to aid and assist those of us who are calling in search of some help. A business for Folks to get their necessary replacements of processors, hearing aids, and I would suspect other types of Medical Equipment.

This is what I experienced just a few minutes ago, I sit here sweating and embarrassed because the young-not-so-professional who answered telephone actually turned against me when I informed her of the purpose of my call. I share with purpose that this young lady was chock full of discourtesies, even raising her voice sarcastically, as if this was all a joke. As if I were just another task. When I reminded her of my being Deaf and HH, her temper worsened with every exchange of words and repeats. Please. WTF was this?

Then when I spoke with the person who would be my representative with this middle party, she tended to down play and almost justify She The Answerer of Telephones, faxes, and like that.

I await a return call from my audiologist and my audiologist secretary. I would rather not deal with a company that takes care patients in such a way. It's best I calm myself down a spell.

So I ask, 'what if you were treated this way as a patient? A potential customer?

A Brief Chat About Meniere's, Nuerology, and Respiratory

Greetings,                                                                                                

This evening, or this morning really,  has me in a place to chat and catch up a wee bit. I have decided the written journal shall ever be by my bed with pen in spine, and lately. I have had a strong yearning to be reunited with my blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. A creation of something that is still real to me. I have had some very difficult times and feel as if I have a right good grip of this bulls balls and I plan to begin 2015 off with a bang! A great report from me to you that I've been working on silently, never once offering even a hint of what I've been working on.

Well friends here I am years later and I find myself continuing to have to deal with not only Meniere's Disease and it's directory of symptoms, from an assorted skull full, pained face with and from facial spasms. Oh, and dear readers, I share from my mind to yours that there are plans in place that will aid me in getting to my next level of recovery. There are still several places on my skull and in my scalp that continue to pain, hurt, harm, and create such unrest I have no choice but to swallow my medicine and wait for the approaching sleep that tends to last but an hour or so with my new medicinal formula. I share, it is my belief as of this week, that I can visualize just how we're going to combat hyper-somnia which is one of the circumstances of Meniere's Disease, two implants, and a few procedures, blah, blah, blah...

...nausea is with me pretty much twenty four hours a day and seven days a week, etc., etc. Just like to night! As I sit here sweating and dizziness that is from a roller coaster dizzy. It has become such a routine that I simply don't even report this or other symptoms. I often feel as if I trouble doctor and his staff, many members of a group of professionals that have really rooted me on - time after time. The associates of He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's, staff are professional while loving me as if I were their Kin Folk. How can I not love a group of my team that so very often presents itself with total respect with every call and visit.

My Neurological and Neurological Pain Doctor's have become closer to me. We have work in hand with my chronic pain created by some of such in notes above. We have had several surgical procedures concentrating on my Cervical Spine, Facial Spasms, neck and shoulder pain that can often time present a situation when I follow orders from my Medical Staff who are also Team Mates in this War that has dozens and dozens of battles. BOTOX, continues to be the medication of choice by my right good professor to tackle spiders, door bells of pain. And yes, change has been set on engage.

We as a Team have assisted me in gaining a better control of my Asthma! This disgusting disease that on two occasions took me to the brink of not breathing, shared with me that I am a believer in the honest to God fact that Emergency Dept., staff have saved my life on three occasions, another was with pneumonia.

Good day there was another time when I permitted myself to go as far as emergency. One of those full fledged - get him to the OR scene from T.V. shows. Just it wasn't a show - it was me with my sinus's seriously infected. Really though, I've had a stretch of maybe one and half years since last hospital stay for respiratory. Oh yes, I feel good that with this particular disease, a tight control of which, is soon to be within grasp. Thank You Holy Father!

On this thankful note, I would wish to close with acknowledging all who have been a member of my team at any and all levels from which ever hospital. I surly wish to thank all of my Kin Folk who have assisted me with 'Johnny-on-the-Spot', requests for a ride to the lodge please? Very often, the ride is there for and with me and the Boys. I've had other sisters transport me with gladness, friends too, and of course my Little Blue Buses. What a privilege it is indeed and I am forever thankful for my friends here who stop by to read and check in on me.   Kindred, I bid you a good night & peace.

The Sounds Blaring Between My Ears

Please.

My Reader's, my Kin Folk and My Spirit Kin,

There has been such a block of my gathering thoughts and words to tip tap on here. I mean, I have never tried to not write, or jot down thoughts or utterance's. I speak and move along, really, at least or unless I have had such tough times getting on here. I mean, this spot where I sit is no longer comfortable for me to relax and write or talk and chat. It's really a shame, should anything ever happen again, I'm going to talk more than I have. But. No, the tapes keep playing in my skull...

...and replaying. I do my business to forgive. There are times when shit is done. Some times there are times when times get uncomfortable it is to be near. Even still. I have felt the fear and the vision in my eye balls that I wish I could have an eye doctor laser my eye orbs - while I'm wishing and I'm hoping poop won't happen.

There are things happening and life continues. I follow all of my doctor's orders. To the pill. It's my business but sometimes I feel totally out of place and forget a dose, this is when I get all anxious and hyper and begins symptoms of several diseases hit me hard and I can not point to which is which, but I know, I am obligated to do the right stuff, the right things to have me be a healthier person and begin to deal with the bad issues now. Just make it so and then there is no more.

I am thinking the new anti-depressant is beginning to work in conjunction of all the other tabs, pills and injections I may have to indulge myself with. I'm not prepared to share the name of either or medications I take at this time. Please understand, since I was last here much has gone on. Injections continue to be used with the hopes, as a Team, we'll beat these Neuro/Cervical Spine Pain issues.

The sounds blaring between my ears. My three ears; my Left Deaf Ear is washed daily without fail. Behind my Deaf Left Ear, I have a BAHA Implant and abutment. I also am blessed to have my BAHA 3. I am informed I am qualified to have my older hearing processor replaced by the BAHA 5. Such a huge bonus because we get to keep both processors! I love the idea of have two and my hearing aid for my Right Hard of Hearing Ear. All three are loved and washed daily. Dear Readers, Guest, Kin Folk, and Spirit Kin, I have never stopped loving my blog - I seriously admit that I was blocked by something in my skull. I say soon, I'll be back. Peace, and Love To One and All!!

Soon Comes ...."35,500"! Guests have visited! Thank You All, From My Core To Yours.

Greetings To All Guests, Kindred, and Kin Folk,

Tonight's communique includes some numbers to share with my friends, followers, and Family who do check it in on me every once in a bit. I know this, and really, all-in-all, my Family has always been one with such dynamics, the drama, the betrayals, and lies. I am in no way a judge, but I bet I can share my thoughts rather nicely, if not almost plainly. With others I connect with, by telephone, correspondence and them I speak with regularly, via tele-type! Oh, yes-yes. I thank each and every person who has stopped by for just a second to check in on me! You Know them, yes? There have been so many family, friends, BFF's!!, and my dearest Fellow Survivors.  Who ever has followed me, knows I am a believer In boundaries. No, I mean! I am honoured and feel as if I am unworthy to have Folks call upon me. I taught my baby sister's where ever a learning opportunity rose. My sweet dear baby Sister Up North-Down-South-in-Georgia who I love something crazy up on me. Some Folk call on the telephone, my sweetest, Wife here has had herds of baby cows when she hears that I've spoken with friend's in England. I love and thank that some of my friends, took just a spell to connect. Thank you, and I am beginning use Face Book as a way to connect and keep in touch with Folks from long ago. Such love. Every once in a while I'll get a vibration in the brain before the telephone go off.  Or I'll get the fancy to jump here in my safe place and tip-tap for a bit. On my text's, which are things, goofy at times, but! I try to battle and attempt to silently go absolutely by the Book on these Chronic and Silent Disease!

Tonight, I'll maintain good, love, and energy to express my thanks and gratitude for all of Great Spirit's Guiding Forces who have led me from one awesome team to another - out here doing what I must to beat this horrid body pain that is some of the worst and most shitty pain to carry day and every day, in my scalp and skull, my neck on three sides, Left Side, Right Side and the back of my spine. As in I know what my C-Spine feels like - I know what it feels like to have a fabulous surgeon with needle-in-spine, and him and I conversing only when absolutely necessary. Very seriously like too much medicine, or was it too much force, too much force - but My-Doctor, did what he had too and he did it well. I trusted him and the Super Team we have in Clinic and dare I say, I just had the best Team attend to a surgical procedure or an all out Operation, 'both' of my special doctors works here with their own Super Clinics!

Per this most recent surgical procedure the affects, It seemed for sure that there was a three or four day span when I felt so awesome! I wanted to scream! I cried! I had awesome business affairs to coordinate and each came through. Since Saturday, maybe Friday, 'Brain listen to right at this moment! Goodness, I say there were a few days the procedure on Right Side of Spine, will require more injections. More surgical procedure. My Sweet Great Spirit, I honestly believed this was the cure all shot for my right side, Yes, it worked well for three days. Maybe.

This past year has been one hell of a wing-dingy for me. My wife and I, our financial affairs and scratching our ways back to a Living Thing pertaining to my health and we not knowing where is this taking We? My relationships with my daughters has had some dynamic change. I am eager to connect and communicate with my eldest daughter! But there is a wall that only she can breach. So too much time has quickly past right on by me, snap my fingers a couple of times. There it is! I'm somewhere else, my innards are constantly at battle with one and another. I would love to spend more time with my youngest too. My Baby. Guuurls, I mean, for bleeding Pete's sake, maybe we do Clearwater or Tarpon Springs to visit with two right good people at their awesome new store!! I've got a couple of ideas for my Buds, figure I'll chat when were in each others company. Yes, true.

Here's a set of two, I thought I could share and express my loved and true thanks and appreciation for so many Kin Folk who do and or have followed me. When I speak of Meniere's Disease, my Guests come over to take a read and check see what Mario's Path is talking about.

Life, the strive for life and a better tomorrow is what my life has been. Take care of other businesses while at the same time do the same, operate a business within the family. I won't stop and I don't stop because shit happens and then the security lights out side were replaced to stir away the dog sized Kitty Cats that roam here by the preserve out back. We were right particular about that mattress real well. I get attached to my stuff, dig? Makes me happy to know that we had to replace before the 8th year - there was and still is so much time in bed, but I have let it go, I must! Let me scream and scream and scream, I know My Great Spirit! I know who my God is.

My hearing in my Right Ear has been absolutely ridiculous, I mean, my dear wife's right there! Three feet from me!! What the shit is this! We had a chat this evening because I was getting old stuff in my one ear and my one heart. I am sweating and have a nice sized knot of vomit right below my Adams apple. I fight it - the sweat! The Nausea and vomiting in-your-mouth or have it travel as a Motion Sickness thing. Oh hell yes, I've had projectile vomit happen. I wish there catch it before or way to stop it. The time has come for me to go rest, so I will. I am going to publish this tonight without censor.

As of this evening/Morning, we have had 35,231 visitors over the years. There has been 1322 Posts. My Dearest Friends, thank you for dropping by every one and again. My plan is to continue this Blog and become more active. I miss being here. Peace!

My Kin, Go On! Sweet dreams!!

It Is "Share And Tell It Time!!" An Opening...

Kin Folk and Kindred One's,

And then, I thought, well hell, I haven't had a nice open and close. Show and Tell, that type of stuff, yes! Tonight's a good night for opening up the shuttered brains and do some Fall tidy-it-up. Same as it has been for a few weeks, considering change and working on the preparation of work that come with change.

I will conduct a "Share and Tell It!". An opening of my Spirit's, a direct confessional to My Great Spirit. Oh, sure, I was a right down good Southern Mixed Blood in the South Eastern U.S.A.
Shit yes Man, life is different here, listen to the usually complaining Yankee's and Canadians and you would think the state is one long Key Largo. But it isn't and too sadly just not yet.

This form of quick/rapid stress relief is something like a word association scene but not really. I think so, just don't know about others - if most do, I'm cool on this. Right. Right here, I just go with the flow of my thoughts and mind set. I do not censor what I tip-tap, so I'm not ready to apologize for using profanity or some dumb shit like that. Okay? Alright then...

#1. Alright then! I've got to let it go! Open this up and let it loose. Verbal Vomit!

#2. I dislike that "spell check" still insists I am writing my name incorrectly.

#3. I am an American, a North American. A Mixed Blood.

#4. Maybe that's why the computer insists I misspell my own damned name.

#5. The pain levels in my body are beginning to become affected by the medicine I eat.

#6, Or the hundreds and hundreds and thousands of injections.

#7. I don't shitting enjoy getting all of these thousands of injections. Yes, thousands!

#8. On my face, in my scalp, on my big bobble head, my neck. shoulders and my back. On my breasts, my man chest - really - but, these were my man boobs. Seen.

#9. An occasional shot right back there on/in the ole junk-in-my-trunk. I've Got Butt.

#10. My hope's ride high on gaining ground on the Neurological Pains! I feel something!

#11. Look, I've decided something in life and that is, I've got to cut self critical shit out!

#12. Yes, this is something that I've always done in my life. I've played Wild Cat. You see?

#13. There is something else that I have let wrap around my skull like a fine silk scarf.

#14. Meniere's Disease, has moved in to stay, there's not a damned thing I can do about this.

#15. So I figure, I better get to it with my life. It doesn't matter what I begin to do. I must do begin. Write down minor lists of tasks or 'open the office' like I call it and bust business calls.
#16. And I swear, I want to live! I want a life! I have a Life! It is now for me to get busy.

#17. Time to get busy again! And if I fall, I'll shake it off and keep on keeping on.

#18. For Pete's Sake! I'm still so damned young! And handsome too! Six Foot Two!

#19. Listen, let me share this, crying because I miss my mama, this is not depression.

#20. Hell yeah, I'll mention my Mama again! Lord, the lessons I learned still come to pass.

#21. Mom, I miss you, Dave and Dad a whole damned mess full. You still live in my heart.

#22. I think about a Kid I knew in school, and hope he's doing well, he was always so cool.

#23. I love and respect my Wife! I've always prayed, contemplated, and wished the best for us. Once when there was Four of us. My Beautiful Daughters! Especially now that Our future requires immediate attention. Oddly, there's nothing in this owner's manual about what to do when this happens. Bastards!  My Spirit's move on, like my physical form and we move on.

#24. But first, Sir, please just keep on doing what you've been doing. Moving about.

#25. I do not have any idea why I thought that you would ever apologize. I simply don't.

Well!@! Yes! It's a roller coaster and I am sweating and gagging. Please, understand this is therapeutic to I and I. It is a form of mental exercise. Brain food. I enjoyed this dash and I surly hope you, my Guests enjoyed this also. 

I am in silence for the souls being dispatched tonight, especially come morning and throughout the day. Americans here now, might consider reading a paper every once in a while. God Bless America! God Bless Our Earth Mother! Love Live The Queen!

Mario's Path, Mario here ...

Note: A Meniere's Disease Update, Neurological Surgery Update, Time For A Change

Hello Kindred,

I wish to welcome one and all back to My Path, I am a blessed one to cross yours once again. There is news to share so I'll move along and chit chat a bit. I am aware I have been inconsistent with respect to my means of contact or connecting. For me and from me, I needed to get some physical, emotional and mental balance rolling, I mean, out of circles for a few months, maybe years even and I had assumed a somewhat reclusive life style. Leaving only times open for doctor appointments. Which has been something, I sincerely believe has been worked on. With my Spirit's and I, we have fought hard and long battles. I get my ass beat by my innards - I licked and began to shake it off pretty swell lately. Still. I did and do my best to work on and whip this crazy mix of disease! I swear, I wish to sweep my diseases and thoughts, out and away from my circles and I. Our circles gather so much, it's important to keep in mind the powerful energy from throughout our little blue planet. Perhaps there is not many who have Meniere's Disease, or have even heard of it. But, my Brother's and Sister's have their shit to deal with. I understand and believe this with all my heart.

I reckon, it is proper I admit I have been too inconsistent with my communiques. Yes, I'm a Man, I know Sir., and Ma'am, and I always consider what is it with me and getting Women's Disorders, and Disease? Eating Disorder's, self-harm, multi personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and then, all-that-fucked-up-self-talk. My Kind One's, I've been a fellow who has had surgical  procedures lately. In my heart, something is taking place and I've got to get up and out of my self and move my stuff along, en'it? I mean, I got junk back there at 54! Oh yes, I do! Anyway, I've been down for so long and looking at the wide picture of the past few years - I have lived in pains that ranged from high seven's up to and exceed 8's to nines. Please, I dare not go back to see how many attacks I've had, or count how many injections of what-ever. Or that I was blessed by, my God, have the Blessed Doctor K., work on and inject into my spine medications that I can't pronounce. This one surgery I had last Friday, was in hospital and was performed in a surgical suite from another world kind of scene and medicine. Yes, oddness went on in that surgical suite. I mean, you all, I was in sedation! You see, AND communicated with my super doctor! Oh yes, and communicate however I did to let him know when he was hurting me. He apologized and we moved along with me in a world that I was not familiar with and "so" out for over three hours and I very really believed I was out ten minutes. Oh, so very true.

Great Good, my Young God Blessed young Brothers has healing hands! My Great Spirit, permits me to share at this moment, my Dr. K., has hit on to something! My pain level on my right side has been low fours, up low fives. Om. For now, this is my Life. Today was a great to die! But it was also one extraordinary day to be alive. Goodness gracious great balls on fire!

There has been a change. Something new heads this a ways.

Please, Kindred Ones! My, my! I can not express what it is I have felt on the right side of my body and arm! The damned hell of a daily pain that would last twenty four plus hours! An everyday process of life besides Meniere's and an asthma that chokes me sometimes. Sometimes I choke on water or my own saliva. But I share this, right now, and no damned lie! That daily pain average I spoke of, the one I have lived with and in, a life I have lived over the immediate couple of years when my damned pain were damned sevens and 8's too long! Sometimes TOUCHING TEN'S! My Lord! This pain that I continue to feel and deal with 24 hours a day, is adjusting! I believe in my heart of all hearts that we're on to something here! All of this which is being coordinated and effected by the medicinal regimen my Professor of Neurology, my Dr. of Neurology Head Pain, and Nuerological Pain, who is also known as, Dr. She-With-Many-Names.

That last surgery on Friday past, has created a huge believer in me working at this shit! I mean to say, I have had been in pain for so damned long! Dr. She-With-Many-Names, trusted my Dr. K., with my life. I have always trusted him, his every word, and my Great Spirit, has placed us together for a reason. And oh wow, yes! I am so happy!

I know and am aware there's still more work to do. My left neck, shoulder, arms and innards have been so bad with pain, at this time, my average is between high fives to high sixes and occasionally a low seven. But! There's something going on, so I take my medicine as ordered, and I follow my every doctors directions. Always.

My damned Meniere's has me sweating and carrying on like I'm doing something athletic. Child please, but I share, I love and miss the way I feel here sweating where I sit. Here where I am at and on this seat I sit in, chatting and trying to catch up a bit with you my reader's and Guests. By the way, my facial pains continue, and I continue to have facial spasms, facial pains and pains in my scalp. Those damned sudden attacks of  spasm like - cluster pains are back and are moving in again, looks like back into my scalp. Well hell, It's my health and most of all, this is my life. No friends, this is not just another manila folder with my patient medical record number on it. Or a current list of all of the damned medication I consume daily. A multi-vitamin too.

Please, please, let me offer a humble thank you to my Professor at Tampa General Hospital, My wonderful Dr. K., the one who touched my Cervical Spine! All of my Team Mates at the Professional Clinics I mentioned earlier, and that Group of Seven who were with me in surgery! I can't believe five days post surgery.

And I sit here with a smile on my face.

NOTE: As a Citizen of Mother Earth, as a Mixed Breed Individual, born here in North America and the United States of America condemn the crimes against Humanity committed by terrorist in the Middle East. I pray and have wept for the family's who have lost the lives of their children and family members because we are Christian. Where is the Pope? Where is the Holy Military Elite? The Army of The Pope? Where in the hell are our Governments around our globe? All of them permitting an internationally televised Genocide, all right before our very faces. Where is My President Obama? I am not understanding how we left fellow Americans in the hands of the enemy! Mr. President Obama, please insure justice takes place. NOW! We require some stompin', shock, and awe over there!! Remind these Dogs and Pigs, it is what it is. WAR! I thank Cairo and the U.A.E. for taking action. I thank the PM of the UK for having the balls to at least make passionate talk. President Putin, Make haste with your business, the majority of your people's wish to return, simply let it be so. No more blood shed. Please Sir, consider my plea. There is just too much bloodshed being spelt all about our beautiful Home, Mother Earth.

God Bless America! God Bless Russia! God Bless Egypt! Allah! Bless The U.A.E.! Keep your citizens safe and have military on the ready. Our Citizens from harm. As Fellow Humans, I love my Brothers and Sisters of Earth Mother!

President Obama! President Obama! Go ahead! Open it up! Great Spirit, has said, It's time to remind the enemy that they have cock roach status here. Killing Fellow Humans is no form of Foreign League Department. Seen.

Starbucks Coffee Is STILL My Starbucks, You Know?

I believe it be true, that once a Team Mate has fallen, and the Team Mate is nothing but a memory...

...the Partner moves on out into a wonderful world in due time, the partner and the stores split, oh God, though it hurts my Heart! I am a Disabled one, who was blessed to have had such awesome and legendary service from our partners and team mates outside of the Box. Things move on. Sometimes I'll cry when I catch that first scent of "AAAHHhhh!!"...

I Loved My Starbucks as a Partner, I still remember my number too. I still remember certain Teams and Certain Partners that I still carry in my heart of hearts. I can say I love you now!

Very few places on Earth Mother, is it where the legendary service is provided without fail at the West Shore Plaza Store, The Magical Team over at our Drive-Thru, which stands directly North of Fidelity Financials. You can't miss it. If you drive the speed limit. Oh yeah, from what I hear there is some Legendary Wonderfulness happening over at the store over yonder at the split of Old Tampa Road. Oh, YES!! ALL Awesome stores and absolutely Legendary Partners!!

Well my friends and once fellow partners, Ohhhhhhh My God, the memories, the Legendary Service that was so text book that no matter what time of day or night, my Grande Triple Legendary Favorites, was the same latte`- time and time again. AT any of these Stores!!

My Ex-Fellow Partners, yes, I remember. I still love you all and I miss ya'll crazy!! Thanks for the memories Starbucks!

Love and Peace, Mario

Ya-Hey!!

Humbled, Yes? Hello! Bit Of A Catch It Up!

Hello, greeting's, and welcome. My deepest and most dearest love, a deep long held awareness passed on me from other's, mentors, learners, teachers from and directed to my truly dearest fellow Mother Earth Mates.

I am humbled to see one thing visiting my blog this evening. In one of my dearest special and peaceful spots  here in my crib, yes, here in another of my safe rooms or a safe place. Oh, and please, closets and spots where NO, I do come to chat about any damned business but my own! Huh? Humbled, Yes, shoot...!

You see, I look at my country, America right now as my country on the verge of true fucking foolery! This ignorant bombing of Homes and Homes and people and Folks, and Children and children DIE everyday. Day after day. So I lay myself to sleep, listen to the smaller jets held usually like big timers, corp. folks, and my good friend John Travolta. (IN my head since I was a teen! Are ya kiddin'?)

As far as my battles with Meniere's disease, it's symptoms, pains, and consequences associated with this maddening disease, I feel and deal with this damn stuff every DAY. Say? I have been bed bound for off and on a few weeks here and there. At this moment I do not walk without my four legged cane or a walker when Meniere's is off the what. Yes. Yes, so many of these scenes happen everyday. This comes from a disease, that has taken my life and is destroying it slowly. Squeezing  my hearing and balance and still I know the asthma pneumonia and that wreaks my lungs kicking long after I quit smoking! It busts my ass for real. Such a young fool too? Shit!! I have in fact had several surgery's, operations and procedures because of Meniere's Disease. And now, surgery's and procedures due to neurology. I've had, I know in my simple way of viewing life and my life as a survivor in particular continues to a healing. My "Trio of Women", who are my family. Dad, and The Three Women Folks! My Baby's, all three, having know how. Brenda since she was only 13. I had my sweet Mom, a lttle loca, si? But I still love my Mama to this day! I miss my Abuela Mary!!!!!!!!! Oh My Dear God!!! My Grandmother!! Family. Lord.

I've had in my life, my opportunity's to run. I swear I wish to run! Hell yes! Run, Mario, Run!. My ignorant, jack ass calls or two. Shoot, if I could take it back! This Woman's Heart, is made of bricks of gold. Just like her heart, my wife, I love you. My childhood friend, Girl Friend, High School, Post ARMY, my sweet dream was here for me. Months later we no longer fiancé's.

We are here as a Team, and humble ourselves due to having to file for Bank-Please-Offer-Our-Hearts- A-Loving-Hug. Bank peoples want to talk to me any kind of way. I think to myself, Um, no sir., or no ma'am - you can't speak to me that way. Our Coils in our Air Conditioner needs replacement, my Good God, that's $983.00. Like right in there dollars. Lord, is here, I feel the Energy within. Every thing's gonna be okay, everything's goona be alright!

Some time's, my life had me get a cut to the bone! I say, that's threw to the white meat. Seen.

Yes, early in my life, I made some silly ass and simply totally irresponsible decisions. Many perpetrators, took advantage - family and friends, took advantage, over and over Lord. My Lord. Some folk I felt were truly friend yes? No, some of my Folks, brothers and ole running mates took life one way. And I really had to go elsewhere. Oh yes, me and my shift was different in different ways, because I didn't want to die over Folks and other ways. Seen. I still mourn the loss of my Baby Brother. One of three. Really. No words come to my mouth, but I just heard beep-beep-beep-beepity-beep!! I was so way out there, back then, true, too be way out there in the '70's, them 80's and 1990.s It way to cool to be alive and to experience this Life With Music as a part of my Family. There has been just way too many chances, choices. Wait One Minute!! I was raised and so vividly remember songs of the 1960's. I remember Mom and Dad, listening to music from the 1960's, though either Spanish or Hillbilly Music. I thank God for transistor radio for base ball games, classical music and the what. Living here in Tampa, I was blessed to have a Black Radio Station. Ended each show with The Black National Anthem. Oh my, my!

I am humbled and ask for pardon for this "Jump-About-Jump- Around form of communications. I say I am sorry for this if it frustrates you, if not, I dig it too. Look, this disease called Meniere's really changed everything in my life! The money all of this got tied up in. My Good God.

Oh! My Dearest Good God, I thank you for your blessings and your love. My Heart and mind and soul belong to you My God! My Walk has My Great Spirit here with me. Please, My Lord, walk with me, help me learn to live this way. I pray for Family, Friends and my Dear Kindred Folks. My Path, has kept me steady moving onward even though there was rocks, stones and shit.

Look, I've got to go. I leave in peace, love, and understanding to every person on Earth Mother! Please! Peace! Please God, Peace!

Pardon my absence please. So much has been done, and more to come. Peace.

...I was about five, when I knew...

The U.S.A., Civil Rights, And Racial Unrest 2014, Conseqeunce's

Please folks, all I ask for is your understanding. Nothing more. I am not in search of financial aid, my wife and I are on an assertive means of communications and taking care of our business. I have attempted to connect with Folks to participate in some fun stuff, to bust me out of L Seven, and have a sweet good time. I have placed words onto the eyes of folks. Family and friends, today I have completed my experiment and now I see with my own eyes - the numbers that tell the truth...

...there's a chock full of Two Faced ones out here who have more worry on how many "friends" they have than the well being of an ill relative. Still. And, I truly enjoyed my self-imposed removal from computer. I am certain I shall re-impose this exile, it is such a sad state of affairs when one with depression, when one has anxiety, panic attacks, Meniere's Disease, Asthma, Neurological Pain, facial cramps and all of that same old shit. It's a damned shame to see just how far out of family lives I am. Wow, that's a damned lies. I have one Uncle who has proved such awesome books to read, he has been one I could speak with and accepted everything here shared with open arms and very blessed for his guidance. I feel the same about his wife, my Tia!! Oh, My God, such a powerful, straight shooter, loving Aunts any one could ever have. Thank you. The rest?

I have a very small handful of wonderful cousins who connect with me and make sure I'm focused. Shit, with this Crew, I must be on my best - they're so wise, and I. Cousins on both sides of the tree. It's something incredible really, I love them all so much. My Kindred Ones, my Spirit Kin, Old Kindred Spirit, and Medicine Woman, I am doing my damnedest and have no desire to cease sharing how I feel about this rubbish, because really, I am so tired of being tired and I am exhausted with so many states of affairs going on in this heart of mine, both brains, and my damned country, the US of A. We've become such a bloody ratchet bunch of ass holes here. As a peoples we are in the position as citizens of our country to gain control of who we put into the offices of congress, the Senate, the White House. It is my own outraged thought processes that President Obama was never ever properly handed over control of this country, NO, not my Dark Skinned Mix Breed Commander In Chief. I believe he has been sabotaged and was not ever permitted to grab this country by Buffalo Balls...

...it is getting so bad with Civil Rights, I am ashamed of what this country is doing. Smashing, shooting and gassing my brothers and sisters, out raged at a police officer murdering a young black fellow in Missouri. A Teen preparing for his return to school is dead and his family mourns the death of their wise child. I mean really, what the shit is happening to our rights as Americans? The infringements of other forms of our freedoms, all that came with being born here. Yeah, very simple. We've got corruption in State and local levels. Police are killing innocent Fellow Americans. Now, and seemingly out of the blue clear sky, its no longer a "Southern Thing". No friend, we have ex-cops killing Folk in movie theaters, Cops killing unarmed citizens. In S. Florida, SWAT teams invading the home of the wrong people at wee hours - bashing skulls of minor Black children. Here in Tampa, White people run over and flee the sight of auto accidents. As one brother Mexican stated yesterday, "they run over people like cat and dogs". Yes, it is true.

Oh yes, I am a Mixed Breed and I am proud to be so. The double edged sword that comes with this is utterly disgusting. I mean, dig this, as a Mixed Breed some feel its okay to say "How", as in the mock greeting of one American Indian to another. Some dumb fucks think they can call me ni**er AND Cracker TOO. OH NO - MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! Apparently I fit several Latin and Spanish nations idea of what being them is like and that I'm different from their Spanish ignorant ways. Please.

LOOK, I USE CAPS BECAUSE I WISH TO SHARE AN OBSERVATION HERE: If AND WHEN WE HAVE CUBANS BOAT HERE TO AMERICA - THE POLITICAL MULES SMILE AND EXTEND GREETINGS. WHEN HAITIANS ARRIVE - THIS FLORIDA GOVERNMENT SEND BACK ALL HAITIANS, ON BOARD SOME DINGY, 50 TO A PIECE OF SHIT BOAT. SOME NEVER MAKE IT HERE!!!! I SEE ALL OF THIS PETTY BULL SHIT IN ARIZONA GOVERNMENTS ATTEMPTING TO KEEP MEXICANS, COLOMBIANS, AND OTHER CENTRAL AND SOUTHERN "AMERICAN" PEOPLES FROM ENTERING AMERICA. ALL THE CHILDREN, ELDERS, WOMEN AND MEN IN SEARCH OF FINDING THE AMERICAN DREAM! WHAT THE HELL , IS IT THAT THE PEOPLES OF COLOUR ARE REALLY NOT WELCOMED HERE AND SENT BACK TO OPPRESSION? WHY IS IT THEY DIE IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OR THE HOT FUCKING DESERT AND NO BODY "NOTICES" THE REMAINS OF FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS AS THEY JUST KEEP WALKING ON BY.

Enough said.

Oh my. My Dear Great Spirit, My Dear Country?

This Is Meniere's Related, An Infection At Site Of BAHA And A Plea, Please

Hello,

Woke up this morning with a bubble of skin, infection, and innards protruding from the sight of my implant. This morning when I awoke at 0903, I asked my dear wife to have a look and see because I was in horrible pain. It was way too uncomfortable to sleep on my left side last night, due to these harsh, sharp burning pains from the site of implant behind my left ear. The pain running at an 8, and was beginning to be too much for me to handle. So I asked her to apply previously prescribed medication to the area of the wound. The pain was so bad I felt pain in my hair when my wife touched me. Between the care my wife, who administered the medication Clobetasol Propionate Cream, ordered for this type issue around my BAHA, and the abutment and my implant. I can not wear my BAHA when the flesh bubbles rise higher than the abutment. Oh, please, this area has been quite problematic for Dr. Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. I understand I am thick scalped and have a thick skull, but dang. I am begging for long term elimination of this problem. I am silently screaming please take this hideous flesh off my head! The site is disgusting when I get these big bubbles and skin puffs, full of toxic infection. These manifest then, I'm constantly chasing my tail over this Meniere's related problem. Time, after time. Doc., let's see each other soon please?

 With in a two or three hour the majority of pain was gown and she was better able to give the wound a good look at. She trimmed away some long curls in the area so that we had a bee-line site on the implant, the area around it now were variations of red, purple and black colors. The bubble was passing blood and clear liquids as I showered, and the blood splattered onto the shower wall. Botswana, my wife, my doctor, my nurse, my Everything, took care of her husbands implant again. I mean for Petes sake, my wife has done more procedures for me than a few folks getting paid. Bless her heart! Every operation, every procedure - there's my bride, and only Great Spirit knows the exact amount of surgery's over these past six or so years. I did not call my doctor. He is a Fine, Right, Good Fellow, who has a beautiful large family, and as any Father, requires time with Family. I felt in my heart and skull that since my Home Doctor did such a kick ass job, no need to bother doctor on his day off. I PROMISE I will contact clinic first thing in the morn and possibly a copy for  Doctor D., later tonight, so he can see it in the morrow.

Please Note: One particular harsh side affect from this infection and others is that at my site of implant, there is an area where I feel it has hardened and pained areas in my neck, my scalp on the left side is sore and bruised. This is a type of an infection that simply pops up too frequently and has now created so much scar tissue and swelling of flesh, I don't know what more we can do. But please, Doctor. Please help me out with this. 

Thankfully and Sincerely,
Mario's Path

An Excused Absence, Signed By Me

Greetings My Guests,                       23 July 2014

There has been a massive catharsis over these past twenty four hours, much of which has been me staying awake rather than sleeping today. God knows I sure could have, and the very letting go of such negative force and energy in my life, has made me feel it easier to breath. Sadly, it has been absolutely necessary that I commence to increasing a steadfast boundary around me, and speaking of which, has actually become very therapeutic. What I share with you now, is conduct that blows my mind, and that it has been so easy for people and folks to manipulate me, and attempt to control. It doesn't matter who or why, I just do not ever have to say yes, if I don't want to. I've been a 'yes, sir', 'no sir', and on and on Man all my life. I permitted these events in my life to happen again and again because I did not say NO. I so very seldom, said no. I have learned this energy tends to effect me emotionally and really does causes my Spirit's to be interrupted. For me, this is rather like the expression, 'no means no', well, from now on, and this becomes more and more obvious to me is that I able in the position to make it so now. No more waiting, because I'm on my own out here when it comes to doing things in life and I have actually learned to enjoy this. I enjoy coordinating appointments and scheduling me and  my Blue Buses that come pick me up for doctors appointments and bring me home. Except when my baby sister and I are able to get together on return trips home. I have had to learn to make myself clear on certain things and it saddens me to see how some folks respond to me being a bit more of an assertive Mario. For God's Sake, it's about time I asserted myself in life. Even more...

...I'm tired of taking bullshit. Not as a whole, and not everyone, but let us pray and say it is a simple bunch of kin folk that I had a beautiful life with. But then, I woke up I reckon and say lies. I tell you though, it was such a long time until I found my voice. I'm happy and oh sure, it's a matter-of-fact all right, finally. The one thing that really chaffs my ass is that when I do assert myself - it is me who am wrong or it is I with a problem. Flipping this over, is should I "not assert" myself I get reamed too. I've even had issues from complete strangers.

If and when this ever comes up with even any certain team member of my team, The Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit Team, I assert myself clearly. For me, and my direction, America, it is, I simply can not do this anymore. I can't go on letting folks play games with me in search of Folks who want drama. I don't have time for that. This time for change has been off in the distance for so very long, yet I end up with short end of the talking stick time after time. For simply for speaking to loud or speaking to low, or because I'm not hearing. I am Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Is it alright for so many to think they have the right to speak to/with me any kind of way? No. Just, I say, not anymore. By the way, the time has also come about for me to become more aware of all other peoples drama. Time to do something about these 'yes sah' and 'no sah' and 'yes, ma'am, and etc. These occasions are going to have to be limited edition in the future. From this day forward, shits going to change.

I beg your pardon for my absence these past two weeks plus four days. The battles with Meniere's continue with a vengeance. I have had three vertigo attacks that came with the usual suspects. Though I did not throw up, nausea was high but non-productive. I have lost a good several pounds, mostly from a loss of appetite, but I can imagine it is all due to the crazy sweats that come with the dizziness and nausea with nothing but medicine to bring up. The sound symptoms of late have been a constant roar of an applauding audience, I mean a very loud roaring sound. Another sound has been the sounds of old fashion type writers speeding away, even here as I tip tap away at a pace of twenty four or so words a minute. I think it was twenty four, but anyways, other sounds that have had staying power has been the sound of an English Patrol Car headed off with all alarms blaring away, you know, the one that does not sound like the American sirens. Oh my God, for hours and hours at a time, and then one other has been a forest chock full of cicadas coming out by the tens and hundreds of thousands! Such a damned roar there are times I think I'm going mad. I have fallen twice and have bashed my face on the door jam going into my closet. Simply smashed my face onto the door jam in my house of eight years or so.

This peculiar twitch in my eyes continue and the vision in my left eye worsens, though it is on my right eye I have a cataract. What is a Dude to do? I pray. Note: I release this communique as is, dated 23 July when I wrote this. I am not going to read this or edit is. I'm setting these words free to be read by family, friends and my dearest guests.

Meniere's and Neurological Pain Report, 25 July 2014

Hello, to my dear readers, my guests,

Let me first say I am here at computer without my glasses. My hearing and the sounds and noises that accompany these type Meniere's Disease, attacks and consequences of them, keep me sometimes in a very own damned mind fog up with zero visual ability and the clutter up there somewhere. I have been tortured by the sounds of a group of Men speaking aloud in the next room from me. This is not a one time event, this happens quiet regularly, and when the whatever's occur - it's the Meniere's preparing  for an ass stomping. Sadly, it so damned very often, them around me have not an idea or care. But then, I suppose this is the way I would really rather have it. But shit though, not too damned many of my Kin Folk really give a shit less about me, this body and the chronic pain that rules my day to day life style like a mean joke that is lived and relived time and time again. There isn't poop for me to do but contest the attack from this Meniere's and let it go on. Living with it the best I can do. I function the damned best I can, and with those words, I promise I as a patient of multiple health related issues, disorders and disease's, that I must be the General of my body and conduct myself as business as usual. At least the best I can.

Gagging out loud today, over and over as if I'm about to hurl chunks of my innards. Vomiting in my mouth, spitting up on and off during today. Burping sometimes aloud because I am still with belief this helps me when I get nauseated. For shits sake, I suspect I sometimes may sound like some drunk dude, sitting or walking here belching trying to keep the sometimes projectile vomit at bay. This is part of my day to day life style, so I live it.

I have had steady sounds of multi Maoris Code connectors going on and on at same time tonight. This maddening sound seems to be very popular this past forty eight hours. And it is a sound that returns off and on in my life. Another dreaded sound from my left is sounds of WWII era fighting planes that approach me from the North-North West, there is always a huge squadron of them, the approach takes half an hour or so, then the unfortunate ones get caught in some sort of freeze frame - with their air planes continues with the same sounds as when approaching, but they're freeze framed, immediately above my home. There were two or three times I went out to check, now days I do my best to freaking ignore the damned noises and sounds. What to do?

Facial spasms on both side of my face have been torture, very simply inhumane torture. I desperately attempt to reach the areas under my face, and behind my jaws. I have also had ear spasms get back into the routine of this battle. I eat my medicine and try to relax, which is bull shit because I don't know how to massage my face in public without looking as if I needed some other form of help. Oh, my dear family, friends, and guests, I consider the fellow Humans out there with me. Sometimes it's just to damned raw!

Dizziness has been present 24 - 7. I have had to wall walk and use high alert due to my gate, giddiness, frustrations, and hurt of heart. The sweats are a part of my daily life, sometimes there is no answer to why I sweat so much except Meniere's and it's symptoms pre and post Meniere's Attacks.

Returning to my hearing,  it is my beautiful left ear that is without sound. But, I hear and damn well listen to many sounds in this Deaf left ear. There are noises in both ears, the hard of hearing right ear has it's own, "Top 10 Lists", and it fucks with me every damned day and most of the time without any notice. In an instant, I can be giddy as hail and be absolutely enjoying myself with what I am trying to do to help Grammy and I keep a happy home. It is them harsh and sudden attacks that slug me right in the gut. Or straight to my throat, ears, body, and brains. The pains tonight are at a solid Six. Sometimes, I feel as if were making progress as a team, then the life altering pains from Meniere's and Neurological Pains that dwell deep within me and that's how this pain works against me. These pains very typically begin from my bones and then threw to my muscles. Sometimes the pain is so bad I feel like I have burns on my back! I'm so tired of being tired and so damned tired of being sick! I mean, every fucking day?

There are times when I am able to get out for a spell. Depending on what it is I'm doing or which doctor I am headed too, there are too many occasions when this alone sets me back for a day or few. Saturday, my wife drove me up to Brooksville, Florida to visit one of my dearest friends Mary, the owner of Peace Tree Trading. Unfortunately, the trip to the auto dealership and then the extra mileage North got me to bad. By the time we arrived my mind and body were already on a steady decline. I toughed it up a spell and visited with my sweet dear sister from another mother. Thank you for you love and understanding. It is with high hope my next visit will be a happier visit. Seen.

Readers, please, I do not know why my words suddenly became so bold. Um, yep, I figured it out. Um, nope and well then, I guess I didn't.

My eyes continue to wiggle-wiggle back and forth. Every day and any time of day. This is a Meniere's thing that does not go away - it lives here with me. Me, my stutters and it's humiliating. Honestly, all of the above is humiliating to me.

Yet I try my brothers and sisters, and I try hard. I will continue to fight these battles, and yes my Noble Knights, we shall have Victory! Whoa, that sounds so, from some where else. Yet the bottom line is that I will continue to fight and fight harder and harder.

Damn, I'm way too young to feel this damned old.

Keeping My Word, A Rush Appointment With My Dermatologist, The "C Words Back"

I have contacted my Dermatologist and my appointment with her is a Rush appointment this Thursday at 130 pm.

I have also contacted Hart plus Para-Transit, for my transportation riding 'The Little Blue Bus'. Time to pick me up for appointment is at 1130am, then the transportation Folks will bring me back home at 330pm. I have had to guess the amount of time I will be in procedures and pray I have submitted enough time for doctor to do what she wishes to do with me. 

There is absolutely no reason for me not to believe that this will become an open season with the cut and snip. I honestly have no doubt and am quite positive of a cut and snip session. More syringes and more needles. I have a chunk of anxiety pertaining to this, building within and me fearing and am afraid of being left alone post procedure with this one. Oh sure, I’m a Big Boy, and I can do this. I’m just a wee bit concerned.

Now, is the right time to apply stronger focus and energy on the matter and to surly readjust energy to accommodate this new-old situation with my health. The Cases of Skin Cancer vs. This Patient has been reopened.

There is nothing for me to do but wait now. Keep my eyes opened and my one ear opened too. I figure while there at clinic, I will have doctor evaluate my body from top of my head down to my size twelve feet. I might be able to release some of this damned stress that occupys mind space and too much energy, simply by letting doctor do her job. I trust my doctor and consider myself her patient. 

The countdown to the removal of these "C Word" began as soon as I hung up with transportation. As far as my doctor and her staff were concerned this was a no brainer, I was placed on hold four or so seconds and my ally had a date and time set. Fantastic! I love when plans fall into place like this.

 Well my Guests, I have kept my word on being proactive on this piece and reporting back. Here I am, and for now, all is done.

I will share a smudge later today. Prayers will be offered along with the scents of White Sage. A fragrance that has been a part of my life for as far back as I can remember. Peace.

Something I Have Had To Share, The "C Word Is Back"

Alright Kindred Ones, I must admit there is something I have not shared with you my guests yet. Yes, I must admit, I have had to ignore and I sure did,  just ignored a health issue that appears to have returned. I have truly not dealt with what is going on and the urgency that I have to see my good doctor who practices next to Memorial. That something I have seen, but really just noticed today, how the shapes have manifested into odd and scary formations of skin cancer. I know with this current assault of skin disfiguring, there will be some removal’s and samples sent off to the laboratory. There are multiple sites of various formations and for the first time ever, I have a bleeding site, this one being on top of my head and scalp. I have connected and shared certain episodes from these aspects of my diseases and illnesses here on blog. I opened up a spell ago, when with one episode Dr. Super Fly, needed to remove a lump from my Mr. Wang. I mean really. I have had a lump removal from my right chest. There really haven’t been much issue with dermatology and really. I own this is probably something that really could have been dealt with three or four weeks ago, I have kept near hyper vigilance with the procedures and going on at Moffitt and Tampa General. There have been so many appointments in the past month. This is something I despise speaking about, even thinking about the ‘C Word’, makes me feel goofy in my chest. I have seen with my eyes what cancer does to Folks. I watched as Dad suffered and died from Bone Cancer. I have had numerous aunts and uncles cross over from Cancer.

Granted we speak of an opportunistic disease that manifests in many ways, shapes, and parts of our body. What I am dealing with is a skin cancer, and this is something that we’ll jump on now. Yes, I give my word I will be making a call for an appointment with my very polite, professional, and more than well and able Dr. Super Fly. She is a Board Certified Dermatologist. As mentioned earlier, doctor’s clinic is next door to where I have been a patient for Asthma one dozen times over the years. Dr. Super Fly has been a member of my Better Health Team for many years, and I believe we met during the times of hit and miss the guinea pig with my former Neurologist. Dr. Super Fly, is swift with her procedures and utilizes modern tools as well as (more) syringes and scalpels - like a pirate uses a sword she uses her tool with purpose.. She is the one who has removed lumps, bumps and peculiarities from my body. She has always assisted me in having some sense of me being a pleasant looking fellow. Yes, I'm a Big Fellow, but not like Jabba from the Star Wars Motion Picture. I am 6'2" and  am presently 248 pounds and oh so truly, still strong even though my muscles and I have slept too much life away the past year.

 I wish to jump on my imaginary Pony and ride off into the Sun Set, set up camp in the forest up near Ocala National Forest, find a place for my Vision Quest. Though not now, during a Florida Summer, even when enclosed in a zipped up tent, life is chaotic because the pests and sparrow sized mosquitoes find their next meal in there with us and if there's more than one person, oh my good goodness! It’s a Bug's Golden Corral.

I shared this latest medical stuff with my wife this evening, she had a look and I gathered she was not too cheerful about this. We had a peaceful evening, along with our opportunity to speak, we had one hell of a rather rambunctious lightening storm out there this evening with very much rain, thank you Great Spirit! And one awesome electrical and sound show that sometimes startled us. Or the Hounds, or us, or all of us, this Tampa Bay lightening has had some bass and it strikes with a vengeance. Botswana and I were on the sofa and Abigail was with me and so very close. Chi-Chi sat with Botswana and Hershey sat on my right foot on the floor next to me. We shut off all inside lights, computer and television to listen to Great Spirit's Light and Rocking, Rolling Thunder! For sure, God was having a mighty fine game or few in Heavens own Bowling Alley.

Like the old days, before our baby's came to join us over there in Fort Lauderdale and the other in Miami. I felt something in my heart, something that puts me in the position where I can’t speak about this at this moment. I sure do have to figure this out and then I'll jump on this key board.

 I will report results of the morrows call with my dear Doctor Super Fly. You know what? This was a heavy burden in my heart when I went to therapy today. I wonder if this might have been a factor in my not so pleasant gathering and departure from someone I have been seeing for a few years. Curious, because this was compounding other issues I never had a chance to discuss.

This is a promise that I will get into clinic as soon as possible so that Dr. Super Fly might attack these four spots. There is three on my right face, with one lesion that has been open at one time and or another, there is one very raised berry looking circular bump that was not there just a few weeks ago, and one lump that has been hiding behind my beard. My ultimate concern is the bleeding lesion up top, fluids from the space between my scalp and skull and drops of my blood can be collected by placing a napkin at the site. Shoot, Grandpa, I think we have a slice and dice coming up directly. Come on by and sit with me a spell. Thanks for our visit, I always appreciate you stopping by on your way up to Louisiana to see your Kin up there. My Grand Pa Roy, thank you for being such an awesome Grand Pa! So many fantastic memories, so many lessons! Grand Father, I love you.

A Dream For A Return To Where My Elders Once Roamed, Meniere's, Doctors and Questions

Something that has been much talked about has been initiated today, with great Faith and hope, plans for a potential move away from the city and along on Up Down South. I am uncertain, but I picked up a bit of irritation from an important individual earlier today. I can't imagine why something with such positive energy would seem to irritate one so damned much, especially since this has been a topic of discussion off and on since the beginning of therapy, four years ago. As I explained earlier in a communiqué, I feel like an American Bald Eagle enclosed and with wings clipped. I remain in exile and if I were to deny this, it would be a lie. I know. This is me I speak of and I’ve none no one or other longer than I’ve known myself.



We all are from the South East United States. My daughters are the Fifth Generation. I am a Mixed Breed, of and from the South Eastern US, you see, and my mixed bloodedness is in its truest finest fashion. Hello. The point is - is that my Mom's Folk's, my Kin Folk's, are from Appalachia. My family has lived in the Mountains and Hills of North East Georgia, Eastern Tennessee, and Western North Carolina. I have a dream and a prayer, Most Holy Great Father, I humble myself before you. I am not worthy of this request, as I strike my chest four times, I wish to pray, Great One, I ask that you please, please Bless it to be, that with some hard work and team work I will be able to move my wife, my Children, our Hounds, back home somewhere Up Down South of here. I intend it to be a nice and rather easy load. Really, after thirty four years of marriage much has been accumulated. Life with my Botswana has been a life I wouldn’t trade. She is my sweet, sweet wife, oh sure, a bit mad, yes, but so sweet. Great God, I petition on behalf of my wife and family, to assist us in coming up with a Business Plan that we could work for our dream to come true. I want to see my reflection in the snow, I wish that the remainder of my life be where the steps of relatives long passed roamed, and lived, and worked the soil. And fought and died.

 

My Dear Guests keep in mind this is all but a dream. With respect to any sort of move, I have so very many questions that I could easily begin a conversation right now. I won't, but I do ask that you to please, consider my plea, for the sake of patient doctor continuity, a miss step with patient, doctor trust and connectedness would create a harsh stumble affect for my path. And really, I've had enough of this stuff right here. So damned much drama where none should be.

I am the patient! Sometimes, yes I forget that it is I who is the patient and I have an extraordinary team of doctors and professors, therapist and their teams, yet oddly I can’t offer an explanation to me being so tired of being tired. I have observed each and every one of my doctors and therapist do their jobs, which is taking care of me, doing everything they can within their powers do to get me to a better place. There are times when a difficult conversation must be had. I expect my doctors and therapist to be ready to handle whatever may come up. Should there be issues with my dream, with my hopes, with this scenario I would remain here near, but I feel in my bones a cabin still. Soon, I pray.

 

So I wonder, do I need a referral from my therapist? How would I approach the State of Florida? I contemplate and consider my disabilities and think how is it I would approach another state? Just like how am I to look a potential employer in the face and not laugh. I see those eyes and I know what this person is thinking. For that matter, one year and one half ago I was told by an assistant manager, that McDonald’s does not hire people like me. Again, I know what that assistant was thinking. He just happened to let that shit slip out the wrong way...

 

...how this looks in an interview as the manager and I talk and I go into one of my stutter fits, and then my left bum eye starts to shape shifting and then we discuss availability, and then we'll discuss how is it our team could depend on a person with these diseases I carry - that without notice, I could have vomiting onto a person, a Partner, or Customer. What about the falls? What about a Meniere's disease that renders me gimpy and goofy and sleeping, way more often than there are days in a one week work schedule. Oh yes, for shits sake, how do I really work around my doctor’s appointments?

 

I say, with these super shots, procedures, and operations. I have received injections by the dozens and dozens, plus more dozens and hundreds which by now is thousands. Yes, I share, thousands of shots and injections, and then of course, this and that's, that come with this shit, Meniere’s, and Neurological Pain and then, with as much gusto I can muster, I move along. I do gladly take them damned all white pills, those which I must eat daily or else. And then, to boot my friends, there is a super market cart full of my health and emotional issues.

All of the above and so much more require I do try to return to the Lands of My Mother's Clan. Along with my wife and daughters, all who are all very highly employable. I receive Disability from my United States of America and am fortunate to have an insurance check from my former employer. Please see and look at me, my Dearest Kindred, from my advantage. Try and understand me as a fellow Earth Mate. So many have and so much has been discussed. I love this place here from where I sit. Sitting here tip-tapping at a nice pace, and yes Mommy, I know this is all but a dream. There are times when I weep aloud and do nothing. Now, I may weep aloud and do something. Lord, I’m not getting any younger. I so wish to dip in the cold fast flowing rivers so clear you can see the bottom.

 

Ma'am, Sir, might you please understand me from where it is my heart and Spirituality is. Could you, would you possibly please see my life from my perspective. Might you understand what it feels like to lose so much of life in my life’s thus far brief visit here on Earth Mother.

Most of all, this is what I truly wish to be reunited with, my Mother Earth. And those Spirit’s that remain and roam. I pray to be at home there. In my dream, but it is here that I love my home and this is a mighty fine home, but you see the house has out grown my wife and I. Three bedrooms and two baths, with a pool and one car garage simply passed us by.

Peace, love and more peace.

Proctalgia Fugax and Meniere's Not Connected

Dearest Reader,

I appreciate the connection about Proctalgia Fugax, and acknowledge there is not a connection between the two disorders/diseases. I have always considered that this was a consequence of the years of sexual abuses, incest and rapes I survived as a child, adolescent and young adult.

That gut feeling that remains with you long after the memory fades. The sensations that I still pick up down there though decades have passed. The horrible pain that is associated with this disorder is horrendous and is beyond my description. And on that note, the best I can say is having your worst damned cramps ever applied to that one such sensitive place on the human body. My cramps last from one half hour to hours of quite literal torture from within my body and yes, my body still suffers. My mind and I continue to weep the years lost to the years of abuse and subsequent years of recovery. The fucking thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars for therapy over decades since then. So please, dear family and friends, do not reprimand me any longer for not getting over this bullshit! It sounds so stupid even sharing that today. I suspect it's easier for you to say. Isn't it? You and your mighty clever and so intelligent ways of life. My rectum is scared. My rectum suffers with this angry proctalgia fugax for decades and I have come to the conclusion that though I continue to work with this and on this subject, it's just become a sad damned fact of my life's story.

It's still too sad that I am paying debts for the Sins of them who came before me. There is nothing to do but live it and that's done everyday of my damned life. Surviving. And I'm alive to tell it!

Dearest Reader, I am sorry that you too suffer from this disorder. I wish you well with your recovery, with your health and your future. I have noticed that for some of us life is easy as pie, as it appears to me anyways, while others of us are our worlds Human Guinea Pigs. I am. Me, my Meniere's and the entire package called Mario.

A Call For Old Kindred Spirit

Old Kindred Spirit,

My dearest long lost Old Kindred Spirit, my Spirit is in remiss.

Life is not the same without you.

There's not much more that I can say other than you are still important to me and my life.

When I have ceremony and the smoke of my smudge rises, I send good energy your way.

As a life friend, I keep having this sensation that I may never see you again.

Too much time has passed and I consider I am not getting younger.

You are always but a thought away and I miss you sadly.

Be well Sis. Hope all is well with you and your Elder.

Peace and Love from my heart,
Big Bear

The Consequences Of Almost Falling Asleep On This Patient, Meniere's, and Neurolgical Pain

It has been a long new year this year 2014. I've actually considered it has been a rather indifferent year for me over this past calendar year. What with the Meniere's, Neurological Pain and other illnesses that have take me to the brink on more than one dozen occasions. I am only human, I am a Man with emotions and feelings. This past year has been a year where I've lost most of my life to sleep due to Meniere's and honestly, this has been the year of so many experience's, I reckon it would require a couple or three more communiqués to share what I have to say. Much of it won't get said, sometimes shit happens and it is the right thing to share and get that shit off my back. I say this from in and out of my body, in and out of my mind. Life isn't getting much longer and I'm not getting any younger. I've taken a grip of my life and I will continue to work the shit out of it and if and when I get to having attacks, I'll take them one at a time, just as I have since this all first started.
 

Speaking of which, I've had well over one thousand injections this same calendar year, which includes every doctor, every procedure and or operation. Never in all my years would I have pictured this in my life, but please understand that for me, these are becoming easier and easier to receive. With each needle, syringe, and injection of whatever medicine I am being injected with it all becomes easier. Since beginning of new year alone, I have received so many shots, I don't even ask what is in the syringe anymore, with what seems like longer and longer needles.

 Is this learning to "let go?" I ask? I don't know. But, could this be what happens when a patient is injected thousands of times? Is this rational or natural for a patient to get to a point that it just doesn't fucking matter anymore? Well then.
 

This could've been a fine topic for therapy with Sir Dude today. This topic was definitely swimming around in the juices that roam about, in and between my two brains.

 I had a Meniere's Attack this past Friday evening. Was taken by surprise, and triggered by something on the television, sometime in the early pm. My balance was put through major changes and as such required aid from my wife to get to my safe place. Where it is the deep indentation of my large frame is placed onto my side of our beds mattress. There have been times I have considered this to be my symbolic nest. My bears den, an Eagles nest even?

 Yes, my friends, this is my nest and this is where I go when my Meniere's strikes like the one Friday, just like every damned post Meniere’s attack. Though this attack was vicious and I was provided the book full of symptoms to go along with the attack, there has been exception of a very long sleep. I did sleep roughly thirty two hours and today the symptoms play mind games with me. Maybe not much more sleep I am aware of, but, this sweating, gagging, and off and on dizziness has me not quite sure what to think of this one particular attack. Considering the nature of this particular post attack, I was able to keep my appointment with my therapist today. I’ve been able to stand tall in spite of my pain and have stood tall.

Good Ole Sir. Dude, though I left there somewhat unfulfilled today, I accept that it was me who has the issues, but then, could it be that my brother just about fell asleep twice today? When all I see are the white’s of your eyes – you are either being possessed, fainting, or falling asleep. Thus, I consider the latter to be truest of all. I don't know if he knows this or not, and oh sure, I mentioned it a year or so ago, that the first time he does doze off - I'm going to scream like a Bitch, like, out-damned-loud. I remember clear as hell back when I did mention this to him, he took slight to it and speculation is he has forgotten. Shoot, I bet I haven't bleeding forgotten. I mean really, I know my shit isn't that damned dynamic, but shit am I that boring neither? Oh, please, let me laugh a minute, because I really don't want this to happen. But Sir, shit, isn't this some rude ass shit for you, my therapist, Mr. Oh-I-Don't-Do-Coffee in the afternoon, to be doing. Please, Sir Dude, if I were you, I would reconsider that no caffeine in the PM thingy. Please know my brother, I am for real, because I share, when that day comes and you do fall asleep - shit's going to change between you and I for sure.
Forever. I may not scream as I playfully mentioned, but I will walk the fuck out.

I'm your God Damned Patient brother, and I surly deserve more respect than this or the ever present concern that one day you are going to drift off. Your disrespect is playing with my emotions. Smokey. So please, and by the way, Sir Dude, get over yourself, you're my therapist, not my God Damned Father.

 You're getting paid - I'm not. Seen? 

Meniere's, Starbucks, and Wolf Cub, A Sister Returns

Hello Kin Folk and Kindred One's,

Today, brought with it activity, a reunion with two good friends of mine over at Starbucks Coffee Store, which is my Starbucks, I mean. I introduced my gentlemen friends to Wolf Cub, a dear friend who I believe in my Center, is a  person I associated with from a long time past, a very long time ago in our pasts. So positive of these energies I have felt the pulse pass through my chest. I say, so much further away than I comprehend. The same energy source within tells me we were not in a Spouse type relationship, but I speculate more like fellow Warriors, members of a very same Clan is what I feel. Many previous lives and times I can and have remembered much and are here with me as they have all my life. I very truly sense a cosmic connection. How thankful I most very truly am! Reader's, I am certain I have spoken about many lessons, blessings, and experiences in my life that transcends my ability to articulate. This morning was our first face to face gathering and knew instantly why I felt so immediate about my new Comrade in arms. It was instant and immediate and just as it was written in the Big Book. What a pleasure to meet such an awesome person and to have Wolf Cub as a friend. Oh, these are exactly the type of Gifts Provided By Great Spirit. There were simply way to many synchronistic things that we discussed. We opened up, talked and spoke as if we were brought up together. Oh yes, this experience earlier today blew my mind. I believe in my energy that Wolf Cub is a Friend Forever. Just like the other Kindred ones, Spirit Kin, as Wolf Cub says, 'it is what it is'.

I learned an ultimate lesson today. My friend has many similar symptoms as I have and she must deal with the same shitty nausea, dizziness, and sleep issues, plus so too much else. So much that there were times I restrained from shedding tears in public. She is one who wears similar shoe size as I, same as so many other members of my family.

Oh yes, I simply must say, it was some gathering it was. Soon, the four of us will break bread and eat my wife's lasagna that is my Mom's recipe. It is such a bonus to think, bake and remember exactly how my Mom did hers. Mom always made her lasagna for special gatherings. Well, I reckon a special gathering comes soon. I am near giddy with anticipation, our new friends and look forward to living life. She taught me to visualize just how lucky I am, and I was able to, almost like provided permission to feel cornucopias chock full of blessings.

I am the Blessed One. I know this. Seen.

Meniere's was too damned active and at times had me twisted up something bad on my scalp and head and inside my scalp. I sweat for hours today and gagged on nausea all damned day - burping and trying not to project my vomit. The dizziness was damned dreadful, I shared same with Botswana about busting face first into door frames, I mean there were a couple of times where I bashed by head hard enough to yell some profanity or another. My left face has had three facial spasms, leaving my left face and ear sore and achy. The left temple area has a concentration of a dizzy pain.

How sweet it is!

I have nothing more to say.

My Eye's, My Eye's

Greetings,

Just a true brief note.

There have been several issues with my eyes, a few have been a constant and daily.

One issue has been the wiggle affect. This is where I see life out here with the wiggling of one eye, on or the other. This my friend, packed along with all of the other Meniere's Disease and the symptoms that travel with me. Every damned day...

...another affect is when my vision become 'wavy' like. As in actually observing waves of rolling ocean, sea, or Gulf Coast beach waves, but you see, this is vision from my life. This is how I see at times, and I must ask, 'can you really understand what I am sharing with you here?

There is a large dark area in my right eye orb that abstracts my vision, and yes, I meant to report that as such. This big dark orb lives within my damned eye - damned thing will catch me off guard and cause me to have a damned fit for Pete's sake! I mean, damn it!

Yes, I wear glasses and it has been over one year this past March for an eye examination. My reading has taught me that my vision has changed for the darker to begin with, I don't need some Child-Doctor-Vision Doctor tell me that shit...

...but My Sweet Lord, lead me to the person with the knowledge and expertise to aid me with these problems with my vision. For shits sake! I don't want to be deaf and blind! And oh no, there is no exaggeration with that being said...

...my sweet Mom was Blind when she Crossed Over back in 2003. Don't curse me Ma! :)

Good Night Mr. Custer, Good Night Long Hair!

Greetings to all of my Guests and Readers,

As I have done since I was a boy, I acknowledge and never burn candles on this day. Custer's death along with roughly two hundred or so other White men thinking they were about to slaughter an entire village of Native American/Indian's...

...Mr. Long Hair, AKA Mr. Ego Custer, who was betrayed by his several of his peers decided to raid the wrong folk at the wrong time and definitely the wrong time.

Mr.Custer, and some of the 7th, were treated like idiots for what they had done. The were slaughtered for what these White people's people did. For hundreds of years, the Native cultures were purposefully torn and split...

...for hundreds of years, the White people stood by and let civilians and the military kill, rape and steal from our native brothers. Prior to Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Red Cloud, amongst so many other Chiefs and Hero's having way with Long Hair, and just days before this battle, hundreds of Men, Women, and Children were slaughtered in a surprise attack. For hundreds of years these White People stole from the Native Nations, this country's First Nations and conducted these tortures as business as usual.

I'll remember this day for the remainder of my life, the 26th of June 1876. Imagine how the press handled this days later when the Yankee's found this bit of history out. Weee Doggie!!

The Wannabe General, you see, he was not a General when he led his troops to death. Oh yes, speaking of death, are you aware that many of Mr. Custer's men killed themselves out of pure horror from the War Cry's and total slaughter.

Good Night, Mr. Custer, Good Night Mother Fucker.

A Meniere's Report, From a Patient

Greetings Reader,

My name is Mario. This is the ways of my Meniere's disease, as it has influenced me for the past twenty four hours, and a Meniere's Report, From a Patient.

Nausea since yesterday so yes, I would say twenty-four hours of nausea that has often times sat it seemed right below my Adams apple. I am as disgusted now as I was disgusted last afternoon. It burping mental thing I went with isn't helping worth a damn so I feel more certain than a shrink explaining dude, it was all a figment of your mind. It was just my imagination, running away. My theory was based on the belief that if I burped these air-gases would be expelled and I would feel better. I did this and so I thought it was working, I practiced this for so many years. My right good Dr. Danner, with me as the one who ate the medicines, doctor prescribed every anti-nausea medicine he could think of. Nothing worked, not behind or over the counter worked. Today, as in right now, I feel what feels like plug of vomit blocking egress. I’m unable to do anything about it, but live with it. So I do, and move along doing the best I can, Burping and swallowing.

 

I have been sweating at some level or another since I awoke. I wear loose fitting garments, often times go through three to four t-shirts a day, wear bandannas, and try not to think about it. There are members of my family who sweat while they eat, I believe there’s nothing to do with a disorder by any name; they simply sweat when they eat. No. I do not eat with them. Whew, that would mess (fuck) up my state of mind in an instant. These Meniere's disease sweats occur night and day. There isn't a need, or an initiator of these symptoms, these sweats, perspirations’, and misting. I wake up in the night sweating from sleep. I mean? Occasionally, I may get respite in the huge refrigerator at The Wa - Wa’s store up on Water's Avenue. Also true, while in a air conditioned market, big box stores, or a mall, I will capture moments of time before and after sweats. No, there is nothing to do, no pill to eat or take. Just deal...

...and do the best I can.

My Dear Reader's, there has been a constant urgent sound of Maoris’ Code that has been stationed in my Deaf Left ear since last night. Fortunately, it is intermittent, but when it strikes it stays for an hour or so. Yes, so many sounds and noises from my Deaf Left Ear. This ear out of sound. I do have an implant. It is BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It is, implanted on the left side of my skull. I remember the sounds of surgery. Yes, I do and I say, I try, and I try to ignore the sounds that harass me daily, but really, that would be like trying arrange World Wide Peace as a Committee of One. I've had two implants here at the same site, a second implant was placed so that it would extended more outward. I have what looks like the gap satellite disc in Puerto Rico with a trajectory device coming from. I've had Folks, as in many people; break my space to get a closer look. Children are the most precious when it comes to their curiosity and a man with a pipe stuck in my head or when wearing the processor, goodness the eyes I have seen bulging from young innocents, looking at this large fellow with a gap in his skull. Little do others know there is also a titanium plate that rests on the top left of my skull, like where I tilt my base ball cap.  

Along with the perspiration and nausea has also been a dizzy spell that has been random off. Seldom do I get a rest from dizziness. Today I have had two near falls and three stumbles. This dizziness is a slight form an intoxicating sort. Rather like a light tipsy, here, even the slightest of dizziness requires I beware and to be aware. Real quickly, let me share a frustration that continues to build within and that is frustrating because I have people split immediately down the middle on this one topic and that topic is 'when walking, which way should I be most concerned with - look lower towards the Earth Mother or upwards, as in looking up eye level?' I suspect Kind Folks might be more aware of their health and mind their ways of walking like apes.

I await the arrival of my mate like a hound awaits the arrival of her human. True. She is My Queen, my Pretty, Pretty Princess, and My Ole Guul. Yep, that's just the way it is, she's My Rock too..

I wished to keep this communiqué strictly on the Meniere's front, so I will. The Ole Guul I was speaking about is on me constantly, "Keep an eye on one task at a time.", "Why do you insist on multi tasking?"

Until the next we chat, please, you all be safe and do take care of yourselves...