A Dream For A Return To Where My Elders Once Roamed, Meniere's, Doctors and Questions

Something that has been much talked about has been initiated today, with great Faith and hope, plans for a potential move away from the city and along on Up Down South. I am uncertain, but I picked up a bit of irritation from an important individual earlier today. I can't imagine why something with such positive energy would seem to irritate one so damned much, especially since this has been a topic of discussion off and on since the beginning of therapy, four years ago. As I explained earlier in a communiqué, I feel like an American Bald Eagle enclosed and with wings clipped. I remain in exile and if I were to deny this, it would be a lie. I know. This is me I speak of and I’ve none no one or other longer than I’ve known myself.



We all are from the South East United States. My daughters are the Fifth Generation. I am a Mixed Breed, of and from the South Eastern US, you see, and my mixed bloodedness is in its truest finest fashion. Hello. The point is - is that my Mom's Folk's, my Kin Folk's, are from Appalachia. My family has lived in the Mountains and Hills of North East Georgia, Eastern Tennessee, and Western North Carolina. I have a dream and a prayer, Most Holy Great Father, I humble myself before you. I am not worthy of this request, as I strike my chest four times, I wish to pray, Great One, I ask that you please, please Bless it to be, that with some hard work and team work I will be able to move my wife, my Children, our Hounds, back home somewhere Up Down South of here. I intend it to be a nice and rather easy load. Really, after thirty four years of marriage much has been accumulated. Life with my Botswana has been a life I wouldn’t trade. She is my sweet, sweet wife, oh sure, a bit mad, yes, but so sweet. Great God, I petition on behalf of my wife and family, to assist us in coming up with a Business Plan that we could work for our dream to come true. I want to see my reflection in the snow, I wish that the remainder of my life be where the steps of relatives long passed roamed, and lived, and worked the soil. And fought and died.

 

My Dear Guests keep in mind this is all but a dream. With respect to any sort of move, I have so very many questions that I could easily begin a conversation right now. I won't, but I do ask that you to please, consider my plea, for the sake of patient doctor continuity, a miss step with patient, doctor trust and connectedness would create a harsh stumble affect for my path. And really, I've had enough of this stuff right here. So damned much drama where none should be.

I am the patient! Sometimes, yes I forget that it is I who is the patient and I have an extraordinary team of doctors and professors, therapist and their teams, yet oddly I can’t offer an explanation to me being so tired of being tired. I have observed each and every one of my doctors and therapist do their jobs, which is taking care of me, doing everything they can within their powers do to get me to a better place. There are times when a difficult conversation must be had. I expect my doctors and therapist to be ready to handle whatever may come up. Should there be issues with my dream, with my hopes, with this scenario I would remain here near, but I feel in my bones a cabin still. Soon, I pray.

 

So I wonder, do I need a referral from my therapist? How would I approach the State of Florida? I contemplate and consider my disabilities and think how is it I would approach another state? Just like how am I to look a potential employer in the face and not laugh. I see those eyes and I know what this person is thinking. For that matter, one year and one half ago I was told by an assistant manager, that McDonald’s does not hire people like me. Again, I know what that assistant was thinking. He just happened to let that shit slip out the wrong way...

 

...how this looks in an interview as the manager and I talk and I go into one of my stutter fits, and then my left bum eye starts to shape shifting and then we discuss availability, and then we'll discuss how is it our team could depend on a person with these diseases I carry - that without notice, I could have vomiting onto a person, a Partner, or Customer. What about the falls? What about a Meniere's disease that renders me gimpy and goofy and sleeping, way more often than there are days in a one week work schedule. Oh yes, for shits sake, how do I really work around my doctor’s appointments?

 

I say, with these super shots, procedures, and operations. I have received injections by the dozens and dozens, plus more dozens and hundreds which by now is thousands. Yes, I share, thousands of shots and injections, and then of course, this and that's, that come with this shit, Meniere’s, and Neurological Pain and then, with as much gusto I can muster, I move along. I do gladly take them damned all white pills, those which I must eat daily or else. And then, to boot my friends, there is a super market cart full of my health and emotional issues.

All of the above and so much more require I do try to return to the Lands of My Mother's Clan. Along with my wife and daughters, all who are all very highly employable. I receive Disability from my United States of America and am fortunate to have an insurance check from my former employer. Please see and look at me, my Dearest Kindred, from my advantage. Try and understand me as a fellow Earth Mate. So many have and so much has been discussed. I love this place here from where I sit. Sitting here tip-tapping at a nice pace, and yes Mommy, I know this is all but a dream. There are times when I weep aloud and do nothing. Now, I may weep aloud and do something. Lord, I’m not getting any younger. I so wish to dip in the cold fast flowing rivers so clear you can see the bottom.

 

Ma'am, Sir, might you please understand me from where it is my heart and Spirituality is. Could you, would you possibly please see my life from my perspective. Might you understand what it feels like to lose so much of life in my life’s thus far brief visit here on Earth Mother.

Most of all, this is what I truly wish to be reunited with, my Mother Earth. And those Spirit’s that remain and roam. I pray to be at home there. In my dream, but it is here that I love my home and this is a mighty fine home, but you see the house has out grown my wife and I. Three bedrooms and two baths, with a pool and one car garage simply passed us by.

Peace, love and more peace.