Dearest Reader,
I appreciate the connection about Proctalgia Fugax, and acknowledge there is not a connection between the two disorders/diseases. I have always considered that this was a consequence of the years of sexual abuses, incest and rapes I survived as a child, adolescent and young adult.
That gut feeling that remains with you long after the memory fades. The sensations that I still pick up down there though decades have passed. The horrible pain that is associated with this disorder is horrendous and is beyond my description. And on that note, the best I can say is having your worst damned cramps ever applied to that one such sensitive place on the human body. My cramps last from one half hour to hours of quite literal torture from within my body and yes, my body still suffers. My mind and I continue to weep the years lost to the years of abuse and subsequent years of recovery. The fucking thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars for therapy over decades since then. So please, dear family and friends, do not reprimand me any longer for not getting over this bullshit! It sounds so stupid even sharing that today. I suspect it's easier for you to say. Isn't it? You and your mighty clever and so intelligent ways of life. My rectum is scared. My rectum suffers with this angry proctalgia fugax for decades and I have come to the conclusion that though I continue to work with this and on this subject, it's just become a sad damned fact of my life's story.
It's still too sad that I am paying debts for the Sins of them who came before me. There is nothing to do but live it and that's done everyday of my damned life. Surviving. And I'm alive to tell it!
Dearest Reader, I am sorry that you too suffer from this disorder. I wish you well with your recovery, with your health and your future. I have noticed that for some of us life is easy as pie, as it appears to me anyways, while others of us are our worlds Human Guinea Pigs. I am. Me, my Meniere's and the entire package called Mario.
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