I listen to the frog orgy going on out of doors tonight. Sounds like a frenzy going on out there. Out there in the preserve and out back there by the pool. That's why I am so jolly about chlorine. Oh yeah, it works just like bleach I think. Really. But, my goodness, sounds almost as loud as the semi-truck that is racing it's engine in my deaf left ear. The crickets and cicadas are so damned loud I can't tell which one's are from within and which one's are from out side. I'm not really that interested in confirming these sounds and noises tonight, the all of what I know is that these are damned obnoxious tonight, this being a minor reason I am unable to fall asleep tonight.
Meniere's symptoms have had their way with me for a mighty long time. Today, there was a purpose in taking a step out to visit my sister here in town. My big sister. No, not really. She hates it when I say that to her. Still. She's my First sibling and first of four awesome sisters. I may not be a wealthy man with the banks, but the bank called my heart is rich with the love of my sister's, two brother-in-law's, and nieces and nephews X three dozen. Too be blessed with such love and so many young one's to call my wife and I, Theo and Tia. I was able to hang out with two super cool nephews by phone late this evening, just Bubba, Tong Tong and Theo. I loved it! Is a God's Gift and Blessing. I know this and I love them all to Deaf. I really do. Great Spirit, please watch over, protect, and guide our youth, our children and the children who come after them.
I am seeing the cycles of life clearer than if I was wearing my glasses when I made that comment. It is very simply the truth. I had this vision and passion of and for life as a youth and knew then as a wee child that I must listen to my Elders and do as they would say do. I look back and into the depths of my memory banks and can locate memories of the cycles that were passing on by me at the beat of time. Times cycles are to remind us of lessons learned. Seen.
A major problem I am having to deal with this evening, and has it has been for way to long now, are the pains that are wrecking my body. This is inhumane. No! I don't want more medication's, but something must give soon. And I'm afraid that it is my own best emotions that is going to suffer the most. Same every day and every night and tonight it is because of pain that I am unable to lay next to my dear angel and slumber. These pains ranking high enough for me to cuss and scream, but I won't. These pains high enough for me to go to the emergency department, bull shit. My God, from my skull, my ear spasms, facial spasms. The pains in my neck, shoulder, and cervical spine, the pains in my lumbar spine is where I am forced to slump to my right side of torso to keep me from a constant "Ten Pain".
I am nauseated this evening - have been all day, I threw up after mid day meal and vomited in my mouth once. The sweating, perspiration's and misting's have subsided plenty good. I am wearing my favorite bandanna tonight, and I know it worked a couple three shifts this evening.
The state of dizziness did keep me from venturing out earlier in the day with my dear wife. I mean, you do know that Brooklyn is my sweet dear wife. My walk and gait have been off course, so I stayed home for that field trip. I hope the morrow brings a stronger and better day. I look forward to it.
These damned sounds are so loud. Good goodness.
A huge factor in not yet falling to sleep is due to the constant pain I have through out my body. From my scalp, where I have the cluster pains and have horrid muscle spasms in my ears. The facial spasms happen every damned day of life - some days, many times. WTF? The spiders too. There is the neurological pains that I have been living with on a daily basis, the suffering of pain in my lower back that I have had to deal with and it's spasms all too often. For fucking years.
My neck and shoulders, more so the left shoulder, but the right side of my body has become affected by whatever it is I am going through with the cervical spine issues. The neurological stuff. Or that lesion on my spinal cord. God Help.
I am scared of having another Meniere's vertigo attack, so please let me follow a couple or few superstitions. Okay?
Please, let me wish all a Good Night.
Good Night.
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