I Am The Night Bird

Very much happens when one sleeps their life away, it seems to me. In my core I feel as if I've missed the last two days to live. No, not quite the straight forty-eight hours, but I would say damned near close enough. Forty? Un-medicated, meaning that during these times of deep sleep I go without my prescribed medicines. There is no purpose to all of this sleep other than to permit the monster within me called Meniere's Disease, its symptoms and curses that come along with it, permission to do what it wishes.

A harsh lesson learned is that the world continues to spin as the night bird sleeps and the world spins along without the song of the night bird, it matters not. I am the night bird and I miss my song. Earth Mother, she spins and spins and spins.

I am in a place where I desire to bleed. I try to cover this up by not speaking about it or acting out by cutting as my body aches for a bleed. Just one cup, eh? Just one. The tears in my gimpy left eye and the face I wear are mine to hide. I know boys don't cry, but this boy here tip-tapping away early this morning is one boy who does. I have learned alternatives to bleeding and crying for this bleeding. None of which I'll share right now, anyways. It matter's not.

I am exhausted from this pain that covers my body from head to feet. The pains in my scalp, the spasms in my ears, the pains in my neck and shoulders. Fuck it, I am just tired of all the pains. I am tired and angry about this once beautiful body being held hostage by the diseases and lesion that dwell within this skin...

...my one deaf ear is blaring out loud as if I was surrounded by a prairie of crickets and locusts. How is it a person with one deaf ear prays for silence? At least every once in a while. Please? The right-good-bad-ear to the brain works as it wishes, I have grown accustomed to the silence in an ear that should hear. The nausea that is in my throat at this moment makes me want to hurl bits and pieces of my innards. I would truly sacrifice a testicle to have this all ceased. Even if just for a while, I would like to live as a normal being. No cane, no quad canes or walkers. No more falls, no more sweating or vomiting, the pains or having my brain's spin and spin and spin.

I am tired of witnessing this wonderful planet we live on being raped and destroyed daily. This planet is Our Earth Mother! If folks have not seen or felt her anger, it will soon knock on your door. Relations, we are here but brief moments in the grand scheme of things, and we permit, perpetrate, and perpetuate utter and total destruction. It is like shitting in your living room and walking around it rather than cleaning it up. For God's sake, this is our home, Earth Mother, and this is where our children are born and our Elders die. This is where we kill one and another over dumb shit. Like religion.

Our Earth Mother does not stop to check on the silence of the night bird as She spins and spins.

Kindred, I am the night bird and I am the last Unicorn. I hold on to my solitary horn when I prepare for sleep as I fluff my fine multi coloured feathers, there in my safe place, my nest is where it is I cry and pray. This is where I sleep. Where it is my head spins and spins and spins.

Does this even matter?