For the past 48+ hours I have been troubled by the intermittent sound of a beep that seems to be revolving about my head. Rather like a satellite circling our Earth Mother...
...or the stars and birds one might see in the animations spinning around the head of a character just knocked over the head with a hard instrument.
Just in case I didn't make self clear, this has been going on for a bit over two days, thus 48+ hours. Night and day. I listen to it in my bed as I attempt to read prior to Dream World and I have heard it first thing upon awakening. As I listen to it at this very moment...
...BTW (By The Way), I am hearing this in my Deaf Left Ear.
My entire skeleton aches and is hurting. From the soles of my feet to my pinky finger knuckles to this mellon sized skull. My left eye feels as if it wants to pop out of my skull and the pain behind it passes thru my brain's left hemisphere and extends to the back of my head.
I have slept some day time hours Monday and Tuesday afternoon. I am ignorant as to whether there was an unreckonized vertigo attack or not.
Some of these sypmtoms have gone on for some few weeks - such as this eye orb thing and the pain on that left side. I consider I may have rested because of this never ending beeping while awake and the pain and soreness of my skeleton.
I might also share there has been the nausea. Productive last night. The omni-present perspiration, as I sit here and feel the necklace of same around my neck. The dizziness with imbalance and coordination issues. This is not bump in the night - these are bumps in the bright of day light. Yes, the sounds and noises and voices are here. The Worms are at play on the left side of my globe. My Hard of Hearing right ear continues with it's plopping and popping. It also continues to have issues with moments of silence...
...silence...
So what the fuck? Who the fuck really cares? Me?
This is all getting just too close to the best of me, my dear Relations! Even the anti-sad barbed wire pills are having to task over time on this person's issue's...
...the little pricks for sugar test in the morning are no longer full filling the need to bleed. There is this knowledge no matter how irrational it may sound, that if I were to have a good purge of blood, I would feel much better. I'm thinking sooner than soon, I will make it so.
I have taken the silent route lately. Other than what I might tip-tap on this communique, I try not to speak too much of this anymore. Really. Relations, Folks, and Kindred, have their lives and their issues to work out and work with. Their children to raise. This I have learned and have learned it's best off this way. Anyhow...
...who really wants to listen to a grown man cry or speak of a disease that has turned his life inside out?
John, please just tell me I'm not going Mad! I promise, as soon as I am able we will take a good hard long run...
...and run.
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