Please, just a brief Meniere's Disease talk tonight. Just a quick note...
...have been nauseated, dizzy and sweating this evening - perspiring even in a cool room with a fan blowing over head at full speed...
...my right-good-bad-ear and I are listening to what must be thousands of crikets. Right here - right now in my damned right ear! The sounds originating from with-in this thick skull, not from out of. The plopping and moments of total silence continues.
The Deaf Left was hurt this afternoon when a nephew of mine screamed so loud, I felt pain in my ear that can not hear. I know now that my ear is still a sensitive organ. I just can't hear from it...
...although at this moment and for that matter this evening, other than an occasional ping-pinging, I am Deaf. An odd ball relief, I suspect.
My good-goodness, after a two day slumber the worms on the side of my skull have once again become active and wiggly. Am pleased to report these sensations have not generated from my face in a spell. Please, be gone.
I owe my Dr. Neurologist a thank you for increasing my dosage of this beautiful white as chalk horse pill.
I am exhausted from a busy and productive day...
...soon off to read a few pages and then to Dream World.
Love, peace and more peace to all Relations.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Custer Died For Your Sins
For those Relations who enjoy reading and for all Kindred and Like Minded who keep books on their bed side table, I must report that I have recently been gifted the book "Custer Died For Your Sins, An Indian Manifesto", with a new preface by the author Vine Deloria.
All other books on my bed side table have been placed on "HOLD". I have placed all of my Day-To-Day meditations along the books in the large room. The library rests on this larger than life book shelf, a gift from my Eldest. A very large and very handsome book case...
...I don't even want to list the titles on hold. There are that many, but as planned, as soon as this book became a part of my library, all other's would be book marked and left on my bed side table...
...just placed on "HOLD". I am a happy mixed breed and am thankful to my bride and youngest daughter for this fantasticly brilliant belated birthday
gift! I have read several pages and am able to determine how this read will be. I am excited. The author has been well known for decades. Another book I have read written by Mr. Deloria, is "God Is Red".
I don't plan on rationing this book because of the books being placed on hold. I have a pretty good idea though that I will be returning to "Custer Died For Your Sins", real soon.
All other books on my bed side table have been placed on "HOLD". I have placed all of my Day-To-Day meditations along the books in the large room. The library rests on this larger than life book shelf, a gift from my Eldest. A very large and very handsome book case...
...I don't even want to list the titles on hold. There are that many, but as planned, as soon as this book became a part of my library, all other's would be book marked and left on my bed side table...
...just placed on "HOLD". I am a happy mixed breed and am thankful to my bride and youngest daughter for this fantasticly brilliant belated birthday
gift! I have read several pages and am able to determine how this read will be. I am excited. The author has been well known for decades. Another book I have read written by Mr. Deloria, is "God Is Red".
I don't plan on rationing this book because of the books being placed on hold. I have a pretty good idea though that I will be returning to "Custer Died For Your Sins", real soon.
Visited He-Who-Touched-All-My-Junk and A RECTAL PROBE!
Brenda and I made it to the laboratory with time to spare in the "two hour" window that was ordered by "He-Who-Has-Touched". After the laboratory we broke fast and made it to Doctor's office with good timing...
...I was unpleasently surprised by three of three things that occured with this visit...
1. I had a serie's of two more sonograms. This time on the bladder. One prior to voiding followed by one post-void. I have had more of these exams since the beginning of this October, than in my entire fucking life.
2. There were no video cameras inserted into my penis. Not the I wanted one, but it was what I was expecting and planning in both brain's. The one on my shoulders and the one down below.
3. In it's stead I had a damned RECTAL PROBE! Out of the deep blue clear sky! No "F.Y.I." of change in course - not a call or e-mail. Cheerfully as possible, I walk into this majestic suite to be informed doctor will be preforming a sonogram of my prostate...
...which is to conducted via my very private and personal rectum aka my rear bumper. I was not expecting to have my rectum trespassed against by a penis looking instrument with a fucking condom attached to it, secured by a red rubber band. Of which and with which, He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, poked and probed and moved this phalic intsrument side to side and to and fro. A Real Life Rectal Probe!
It will be the next visit that doctor will insert a catheter with video. Then once that is done and doctor compiles all data - THEN, Brenda, He, and I will have a sit down to talk face to face.
The waiting is, in this case, "ONE" of the hardest things.
Yes, I did share with doctor about the self abuse and reported that a lump was removed from Mr. Wang with-in the past two years. He was glad I reported this to him. I did fail to report the rectal spasams. I think I will call in the morrow to speak with the Nurse who has had most contact with my body and I. I figure this too is something doctor would want to know.
Relations, I have a simple and humble request, do not be offended should I explain certain scenerios peppered with profanity. Or if offened, please don't judge...
...this is all I ask.
...I was unpleasently surprised by three of three things that occured with this visit...
1. I had a serie's of two more sonograms. This time on the bladder. One prior to voiding followed by one post-void. I have had more of these exams since the beginning of this October, than in my entire fucking life.
2. There were no video cameras inserted into my penis. Not the I wanted one, but it was what I was expecting and planning in both brain's. The one on my shoulders and the one down below.
3. In it's stead I had a damned RECTAL PROBE! Out of the deep blue clear sky! No "F.Y.I." of change in course - not a call or e-mail. Cheerfully as possible, I walk into this majestic suite to be informed doctor will be preforming a sonogram of my prostate...
...which is to conducted via my very private and personal rectum aka my rear bumper. I was not expecting to have my rectum trespassed against by a penis looking instrument with a fucking condom attached to it, secured by a red rubber band. Of which and with which, He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, poked and probed and moved this phalic intsrument side to side and to and fro. A Real Life Rectal Probe!
It will be the next visit that doctor will insert a catheter with video. Then once that is done and doctor compiles all data - THEN, Brenda, He, and I will have a sit down to talk face to face.
The waiting is, in this case, "ONE" of the hardest things.
Yes, I did share with doctor about the self abuse and reported that a lump was removed from Mr. Wang with-in the past two years. He was glad I reported this to him. I did fail to report the rectal spasams. I think I will call in the morrow to speak with the Nurse who has had most contact with my body and I. I figure this too is something doctor would want to know.
Relations, I have a simple and humble request, do not be offended should I explain certain scenerios peppered with profanity. Or if offened, please don't judge...
...this is all I ask.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Again Stirred By The Sounds & Cherokee
If I hope and pray hard enough...
...and maybe click these Ruby Red's, I can still make Cherokee.
My dearest Kindred, I had retired for the evening earlier and was able to get about two solid hours of deep sleep...
...the noises and sounds again woke me, so I thought I would gather my thoughts and tip-tap a few lines. The noises were the same as usual - so I won't go over them much, The Battle of The Forest's continues...
There was a moment or few when I thought I had gone completely deaf which assisted in my getting up from the bed, rather than lay there and listen. Which I often do.
My hearing has been like the escalators at Macy's...
...sometimes working well and moving up. Other times working not so well and going down...
...and then there were times when the whole damned thing shut down.
I was Blessed to be in the company of a dear friend and mentor, his dad and several of his friends for my friends birthday. What a splendid time I had! Even learned to play Texas Hold'em, which was just a whole shit load of fun...
...sitting around the table listening to these chaps speak and carry on reminded me of earlier years and the fun I had playing softball, football and some B-Ball. I think I let this hit me in the Center for a while. I hadn't realized I had been gone that long. Hadn't realized how much I missed doing the "Dude" things I so very much enjoyed. Shit, I don't want to cry, but damn it, what the hell happened to me?! Now, here I am at a young 52 years of age, SSD, Hard of Hearing and gimpy...
...the All of This, I think, just may have provided me that extra little something to get myself over to the "Y" and have a look-and-see. Maybe on my good days - jump on my trike and move...
...damn it, I've got to use what youth I have left or in just a hand full, I'll be crying over what I didn't do. And really, I just don't want it to come down to this.
Early tomorrow morning, I'll be off to He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, and have some blood work done at the laboratory. Doc., wants to put a video camera up and into my Junk. I'm a bit nervous and maybe a bit scared. Just don't know what to expect anymore. So I try to let go...
Since the melt down at Dr. Danner's clinic, I have lived the revolving door of doctor visits and really had not noticed just how much activity there has been in my life over the past 2.5 weeks...
...the hospital stay, this Doctor, that Doctor and now, He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage. Next?
A very dear friend, Old Kindred Spirit, felt the anger that has been brewing with-in my Core and Spirit's. It's the only way I can explain this - She felt it through my words or read it between the lines. I really thought I was keeping this from my Relations...
...I am sorry Old Kindred One. I have not meant to create stressful thoughts about me. Or project these energies towards anyone - unless I was directing them, to them. I do find it fascinating how you were able to read me the way you did. I am Honored. My heart tells me, "Well, Dude, she has only known you twenty years" and Old Kindred Spirit has seen me at both ends of the spectrum. Oh my...
...let me call back in John Wayne and jump back into bed. Doc wants to conduct this procedure. I must remember to tell him of a couple things, one of which was the lump I had removed from Mr. Wang, a couple of years ago and the terrible things I would do to him as punishment when I was a boy.
Relations, I love you. That's all. I love you, one and all.
.
...and maybe click these Ruby Red's, I can still make Cherokee.
My dearest Kindred, I had retired for the evening earlier and was able to get about two solid hours of deep sleep...
...the noises and sounds again woke me, so I thought I would gather my thoughts and tip-tap a few lines. The noises were the same as usual - so I won't go over them much, The Battle of The Forest's continues...
There was a moment or few when I thought I had gone completely deaf which assisted in my getting up from the bed, rather than lay there and listen. Which I often do.
My hearing has been like the escalators at Macy's...
...sometimes working well and moving up. Other times working not so well and going down...
...and then there were times when the whole damned thing shut down.
I was Blessed to be in the company of a dear friend and mentor, his dad and several of his friends for my friends birthday. What a splendid time I had! Even learned to play Texas Hold'em, which was just a whole shit load of fun...
...sitting around the table listening to these chaps speak and carry on reminded me of earlier years and the fun I had playing softball, football and some B-Ball. I think I let this hit me in the Center for a while. I hadn't realized I had been gone that long. Hadn't realized how much I missed doing the "Dude" things I so very much enjoyed. Shit, I don't want to cry, but damn it, what the hell happened to me?! Now, here I am at a young 52 years of age, SSD, Hard of Hearing and gimpy...
...the All of This, I think, just may have provided me that extra little something to get myself over to the "Y" and have a look-and-see. Maybe on my good days - jump on my trike and move...
...damn it, I've got to use what youth I have left or in just a hand full, I'll be crying over what I didn't do. And really, I just don't want it to come down to this.
Early tomorrow morning, I'll be off to He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, and have some blood work done at the laboratory. Doc., wants to put a video camera up and into my Junk. I'm a bit nervous and maybe a bit scared. Just don't know what to expect anymore. So I try to let go...
Since the melt down at Dr. Danner's clinic, I have lived the revolving door of doctor visits and really had not noticed just how much activity there has been in my life over the past 2.5 weeks...
...the hospital stay, this Doctor, that Doctor and now, He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage. Next?
A very dear friend, Old Kindred Spirit, felt the anger that has been brewing with-in my Core and Spirit's. It's the only way I can explain this - She felt it through my words or read it between the lines. I really thought I was keeping this from my Relations...
...I am sorry Old Kindred One. I have not meant to create stressful thoughts about me. Or project these energies towards anyone - unless I was directing them, to them. I do find it fascinating how you were able to read me the way you did. I am Honored. My heart tells me, "Well, Dude, she has only known you twenty years" and Old Kindred Spirit has seen me at both ends of the spectrum. Oh my...
...let me call back in John Wayne and jump back into bed. Doc wants to conduct this procedure. I must remember to tell him of a couple things, one of which was the lump I had removed from Mr. Wang, a couple of years ago and the terrible things I would do to him as punishment when I was a boy.
Relations, I love you. That's all. I love you, one and all.
.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Meniere's Issues Early 30 October 2011
Have had to take some pretty little pills to ease these symptoms that have troubled me for a good part of last evening and presently. Am awaiting some aid and may end up taking another in a minute or few if no easeing up takes place. It's the best I can do right now. The noises and sounds are keeping me awake and away from my reading...
...reading is interrupted by the distractions created by the sounds, noises and occasional voice.
Nausea is mild tonight. An easy evening away from the sweats and nausea of the norm.
I am misting and have wear cap of perspiration atop my head, which is really so much better than sweating and having the sweat sliding or dripping. A nice change for such a brilliant evening here in the lodge.
My Deaf Left ear is picking up the ping-ping-pings of another submarine. This one I suspect is off the coast of Boca Raton, Florida. These are not ring-ring. These are positively, the pinnng-pinnnnnnng-ping of a submarine.
It rubs me the wrong way when I have Folks tell me that I must get tired of the ringing. Shit, I get more tired of Folks telling me what I must be getting tired of. Bleeding Donkeys.
My Right Hard of Hearing ear, has been running on the very bad functionality piece today. EXCEPT for the usual suspects of crickets, and other sounds of nature between my ears. I had some voices in the house earlier today. Sounded as if a couple or three people were speaking in the other room. I was alone for a chunk of the day - so there weren't any folks in here talking today...
...except for them between my ears and in the other room.
My plan is to return to my safe place and continue to try to read. If am unable to, perhaps I'll be back. If not perhaps off to Dream World.
Great Spirit, Bless us. One and all around this beautiful Mother Earth...love, peace and more peace.
p.s. John Wayne, my pony is alive and well. Letting him run about in pasture and enjoying himself before we get back onto My Path.
...reading is interrupted by the distractions created by the sounds, noises and occasional voice.
Nausea is mild tonight. An easy evening away from the sweats and nausea of the norm.
I am misting and have wear cap of perspiration atop my head, which is really so much better than sweating and having the sweat sliding or dripping. A nice change for such a brilliant evening here in the lodge.
My Deaf Left ear is picking up the ping-ping-pings of another submarine. This one I suspect is off the coast of Boca Raton, Florida. These are not ring-ring. These are positively, the pinnng-pinnnnnnng-ping of a submarine.
It rubs me the wrong way when I have Folks tell me that I must get tired of the ringing. Shit, I get more tired of Folks telling me what I must be getting tired of. Bleeding Donkeys.
My Right Hard of Hearing ear, has been running on the very bad functionality piece today. EXCEPT for the usual suspects of crickets, and other sounds of nature between my ears. I had some voices in the house earlier today. Sounded as if a couple or three people were speaking in the other room. I was alone for a chunk of the day - so there weren't any folks in here talking today...
...except for them between my ears and in the other room.
My plan is to return to my safe place and continue to try to read. If am unable to, perhaps I'll be back. If not perhaps off to Dream World.
Great Spirit, Bless us. One and all around this beautiful Mother Earth...love, peace and more peace.
p.s. John Wayne, my pony is alive and well. Letting him run about in pasture and enjoying himself before we get back onto My Path.
Torture At The Urologist!:) Attn: All Men/Males/Fella's - Read This!
Well, I think I'll start off by first sending out a warm hug and thank you to She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee. My dear, I had not really realized how important the energies generated would come in so damned handy later on yesterday afternoon. If I had, we would have stayed on the telephone a bit longer, for sure.
What I experianced yesterday at the Neuologist's office was just shy of real life torture. No really. It's not mormal for folks to have a sensor catheter inserted into the Mr. Wang and also inserted in the rear exit. AND, this preocedure was preformed by a WOman...
...really? A WOman? Come on Folks, this just ain't normal. Anyways, NO WAIT, and this bloody procedure went on for more than an hour! What normal is this? Huh? Anyways, I gave it my "Man Up" and did go through some changes. Once it was necessary to call a time out and apply ice packs on my neck, head and near the area down below. I thought I was going to faint! What? This procedure was to test my bladder which is hyper inflated due to years drinking water and my Venti Iced Green Teas by the half dozen and holding the "need to go" for hours at a time. Speaking of which, I've been placed on a Go-Every-Two-Hours, until we get my Camal Bladder back into human form. Oh yes Kindred, I have lived for years thinking that drinking water by the liters was good and cool, well, it wasn't and isn't. As She-Who-Tortured-Me says, it's like the elastic on an old pair of underpants - it gets all stretched out. My urine analysis came back perfect. Yeah! No really, no sugar, blood or other what-not's there. My sphincter muscle is in excellent and tip-top shape, which made me a happy boy becuase I thought for sure that all of those years of abuse, I would have ended up with a fucked up Hole Below, but all is good in the Rear Bumper. Ha! I could come up with more of these but I won't...
...directing my attention back to Mr. Wiggles, He who is formerly known as He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, is now known as Doctor-Urologist-With-Too-Many-Tools, will be conducting another procedure - going through and into my junk with a Video Camera of some sort come this Monday. Ewww shit, I can't wait! (Am being sarcastic as hell!) I also have blood work to have done at the laboratory.
There have been too many female Kinfolk tell me, "now you know what it's like when we have PAP tests done". I say to that "BULLSHIT, Honey's!". I do not have a Va-Jay-Jay and you all do not have a Mr. Wang. Um, just no, you keep your tests and I swear I hope to never go throgh this again. O.K.
Look, I just met this fine fellow on Wednesday the 26th of October and he is managing to create some hellaciously painfull and really unpleasent situations for me. Please Great Spirit, let me be near the end of all this picking and a grinning and probing around here and there.
Um, for now, I have shared enough. I think I have made myself ill thinking and remembering all the shtuff that my Junk and I were put through yesterday afternoon...
...and why, yes, I am still sore.
NOTE: To all fellows/men/males, PLAY with your Mr. Wang NOW! Do all the things WE enjoy doing with the MR. Wang! Because fella's come these early 50's all of this kind of SHIT REALLY HAPPENS! Please READ my WORDS and know them to be the DAMNED TRUTH! Wear it out!
P.S. Piss when you have to too!
What I experianced yesterday at the Neuologist's office was just shy of real life torture. No really. It's not mormal for folks to have a sensor catheter inserted into the Mr. Wang and also inserted in the rear exit. AND, this preocedure was preformed by a WOman...
...really? A WOman? Come on Folks, this just ain't normal. Anyways, NO WAIT, and this bloody procedure went on for more than an hour! What normal is this? Huh? Anyways, I gave it my "Man Up" and did go through some changes. Once it was necessary to call a time out and apply ice packs on my neck, head and near the area down below. I thought I was going to faint! What? This procedure was to test my bladder which is hyper inflated due to years drinking water and my Venti Iced Green Teas by the half dozen and holding the "need to go" for hours at a time. Speaking of which, I've been placed on a Go-Every-Two-Hours, until we get my Camal Bladder back into human form. Oh yes Kindred, I have lived for years thinking that drinking water by the liters was good and cool, well, it wasn't and isn't. As She-Who-Tortured-Me says, it's like the elastic on an old pair of underpants - it gets all stretched out. My urine analysis came back perfect. Yeah! No really, no sugar, blood or other what-not's there. My sphincter muscle is in excellent and tip-top shape, which made me a happy boy becuase I thought for sure that all of those years of abuse, I would have ended up with a fucked up Hole Below, but all is good in the Rear Bumper. Ha! I could come up with more of these but I won't...
...directing my attention back to Mr. Wiggles, He who is formerly known as He-Who-Touched-My-Under-Carriage, is now known as Doctor-Urologist-With-Too-Many-Tools, will be conducting another procedure - going through and into my junk with a Video Camera of some sort come this Monday. Ewww shit, I can't wait! (Am being sarcastic as hell!) I also have blood work to have done at the laboratory.
There have been too many female Kinfolk tell me, "now you know what it's like when we have PAP tests done". I say to that "BULLSHIT, Honey's!". I do not have a Va-Jay-Jay and you all do not have a Mr. Wang. Um, just no, you keep your tests and I swear I hope to never go throgh this again. O.K.
Look, I just met this fine fellow on Wednesday the 26th of October and he is managing to create some hellaciously painfull and really unpleasent situations for me. Please Great Spirit, let me be near the end of all this picking and a grinning and probing around here and there.
Um, for now, I have shared enough. I think I have made myself ill thinking and remembering all the shtuff that my Junk and I were put through yesterday afternoon...
...and why, yes, I am still sore.
NOTE: To all fellows/men/males, PLAY with your Mr. Wang NOW! Do all the things WE enjoy doing with the MR. Wang! Because fella's come these early 50's all of this kind of SHIT REALLY HAPPENS! Please READ my WORDS and know them to be the DAMNED TRUTH! Wear it out!
P.S. Piss when you have to too!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Meniere's Et Al, A "Snap Shot" of This Morning, 28 October 11
Here's a snap shot of my Life "at this very moment"...
It has rained most of the early morning hours and Mother Earth is glad. As I, because the gardening I did yesterday has been stamped with Great Spirit's Hand and fresh water. It appears that what I planted and transplanted has taken root. Thank you Great One!
The Cardinal, Blue Jay and several species of dove have stopped by to break fast. Their talk and song let me know they approve of the new seed I placed in their feeders and are enjoying the fresh water in their bath. I am glad and thankful...
...the Cardinal couples remind me of Brenda and I and some other couples I know. Like us, the Cardinal couple have their little verbal exchanges - I suppose the usual complaining of the odds-and-ends, they kiss alot, as in making up and all apologetic, then they eat, drink and are merry again. Happy couples!
There is a certain coolness that reminds me Fall is in the air and even though them damned Yankee's who "flock" down here are always complaining of how hot it is down here in the South, I feel the Florida Fall on my skin and in my Spirit's. Ohhhhh, the Blessed happieness I would have if every one of those complaining Yanks just would go back up North. There's very many Yankees I do love dearly, but my tolerance level for most is very-very low. Damned Yankees! (I smile)
My three hounds have me surrounded here in Nikki's room. The space she, her mom and Sister call "The Office". I dislike that description alot. For me, the daddy and his daddy heart this will always be my daughter Nikki's room. I miss her so much. Yes, I am a fortunate one, she is alive and well. She just lives so far, far and away. Just does not seem real that my baby daughters are both grown ass WOmen...
...oh, a father's lament...
...(getting back to my hounds)Ting-Ting, is at me feet, Tong-Tong is by my side and Chi-Chi has my back covered. I do feel protected. Very well protected. I'm a part of their pack, you know? I think they refer to me as their Mr. Loco. That's okay. I love the three and the three love me. Tong-Tong snores louder than an old man. Scares the shit out of me every once and again. I forget. So yes, every once and again I break my neck turning real quick like to see what Monster has entered the room. What to do?
The Lodge is silent except for George Strait, softly singing "I Can Still Make Cheyenne" into my right ear. The volume turned down way low as this is the way I feel this morning...
...low and blue.
The Left Deaf Ear is picking up the beep-beeps of a Top Secret coded messages from Russia. If I could decode them I still wouldn't be able to share what their saying. It's Top Secret! Besides, I don't know how to speak the language. (This is what I've been trained to say) My right ear is making a steady pinnnnnnnnnnnnnng, pinnnnnnnnnnng noise. So odd. Have had moments of total silence the past twenty four hours. I don't know if I notice this only when it happens or am I getting used to this and just go about my day to day without noticing.
Dizziness is low, as is the nausea. I have a fine mist about my neck. I try not to say too much or think too much about the current state of the meniere's. I do not wish to jinx myself. I must say though, I have noticed with lower than usuall symptoms - I am still clumsy and awkward. Yes, I'll be easy this morning. NOTE: The Beepity-Beep-beep, just came through louder than all noises in my area. I'm the only one to hear this though. The dogs didn't stir a bit.
Later today, I go back to my urologist, He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage, for more testing. I would love to say, "I can't wait!", but that would be a lie.
My dear wife and daughter are off to work. I am home alone and lonely. Maybe I've let the grey sky's affect me in a sad way today...
...I say today as if it's a new thing.
To all Relations, I send love, peace and more peace...
...if I hurry baby, I can still make Cheyenne.........
It has rained most of the early morning hours and Mother Earth is glad. As I, because the gardening I did yesterday has been stamped with Great Spirit's Hand and fresh water. It appears that what I planted and transplanted has taken root. Thank you Great One!
The Cardinal, Blue Jay and several species of dove have stopped by to break fast. Their talk and song let me know they approve of the new seed I placed in their feeders and are enjoying the fresh water in their bath. I am glad and thankful...
...the Cardinal couples remind me of Brenda and I and some other couples I know. Like us, the Cardinal couple have their little verbal exchanges - I suppose the usual complaining of the odds-and-ends, they kiss alot, as in making up and all apologetic, then they eat, drink and are merry again. Happy couples!
There is a certain coolness that reminds me Fall is in the air and even though them damned Yankee's who "flock" down here are always complaining of how hot it is down here in the South, I feel the Florida Fall on my skin and in my Spirit's. Ohhhhh, the Blessed happieness I would have if every one of those complaining Yanks just would go back up North. There's very many Yankees I do love dearly, but my tolerance level for most is very-very low. Damned Yankees! (I smile)
My three hounds have me surrounded here in Nikki's room. The space she, her mom and Sister call "The Office". I dislike that description alot. For me, the daddy and his daddy heart this will always be my daughter Nikki's room. I miss her so much. Yes, I am a fortunate one, she is alive and well. She just lives so far, far and away. Just does not seem real that my baby daughters are both grown ass WOmen...
...oh, a father's lament...
...(getting back to my hounds)Ting-Ting, is at me feet, Tong-Tong is by my side and Chi-Chi has my back covered. I do feel protected. Very well protected. I'm a part of their pack, you know? I think they refer to me as their Mr. Loco. That's okay. I love the three and the three love me. Tong-Tong snores louder than an old man. Scares the shit out of me every once and again. I forget. So yes, every once and again I break my neck turning real quick like to see what Monster has entered the room. What to do?
The Lodge is silent except for George Strait, softly singing "I Can Still Make Cheyenne" into my right ear. The volume turned down way low as this is the way I feel this morning...
...low and blue.
The Left Deaf Ear is picking up the beep-beeps of a Top Secret coded messages from Russia. If I could decode them I still wouldn't be able to share what their saying. It's Top Secret! Besides, I don't know how to speak the language. (This is what I've been trained to say) My right ear is making a steady pinnnnnnnnnnnnnng, pinnnnnnnnnnng noise. So odd. Have had moments of total silence the past twenty four hours. I don't know if I notice this only when it happens or am I getting used to this and just go about my day to day without noticing.
Dizziness is low, as is the nausea. I have a fine mist about my neck. I try not to say too much or think too much about the current state of the meniere's. I do not wish to jinx myself. I must say though, I have noticed with lower than usuall symptoms - I am still clumsy and awkward. Yes, I'll be easy this morning. NOTE: The Beepity-Beep-beep, just came through louder than all noises in my area. I'm the only one to hear this though. The dogs didn't stir a bit.
Later today, I go back to my urologist, He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage, for more testing. I would love to say, "I can't wait!", but that would be a lie.
My dear wife and daughter are off to work. I am home alone and lonely. Maybe I've let the grey sky's affect me in a sad way today...
...I say today as if it's a new thing.
To all Relations, I send love, peace and more peace...
...if I hurry baby, I can still make Cheyenne.........
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Meniere's Disease and He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage
Have a mixed bag of meniere's related issues this morning, plus a dash of cervical spine issues and the latest on yesterdays visit with the doctor who will take care of my under carriage, He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage.
The meniere's stuff/shit is acting a damned fool with my mind and body this morning. Seems to me it was waiting and on the ready the moment I stirred from a restless night of tossing, turning and getting by with very little actual rest and sleep. The symptoms and noises had my wheels turning while I did my best to at least rest this body and it's muscles...
...my Deaf Left Ear had what I heard as drums beating aloud and in some sort of message or code. Maybe a Nation resideing between my ears was sending a message to another hemisphere of the brain. I mean like, DAMN! And this was not a bang the drums slowly or softly. I wonder if I'll ever be totally at ease with silence in my Deaf Left. I sure cain't tell!
The jolly Right Hard of Hearing, had the sounds of the Amazon AND the Everglades competing for First Place in the Live Concert series. If there was some way I could physically provide a sample for you to take a listen, I would sure as shit do just that. The sad piece is that I LOVE these often peaceful and meditative sounds...
...just NEVER when the sounds come from within and not my stereo system.
My state of dizziness is fresh off a roller coaster type of dizzy that has just reached it's climax. Earlier it was a tipsy dizzy type. Rather like a bad damned hang over dizzy now that I think about it. Had to hold on to the vanity as I brushed my teeth to keep from tipping over or into the sink - which I have done before. By the way, I spoke with He-Who-Touched-My-Brains, assistant yesterday about the falls of recent. I have become hyper-vigilent in my persuit to not fall.
The nausea is at the top of the adams apple and I feel vomitting is eminent. If it was only so easy or to become true. The medication I have been prescribed might as well be a placibo or an empty capsule because I receive no benefit and am tired of playing the tic-tac-toe with all of these bleeding medications.
I am sweating so bad I feel it under my arms and sliding down my sides. At this damned moment. I also am wearing this matching baseball cap and necklace of perspiration and sweat. What a lovely mess. Hell yes, I know this is gross, but I live this grossness every day. What can I say? Or do?
Shit, I have grown ass Folks, trying to tell me what to do or what to eat or take with this meniere's disease. Think I much prefer the instructions from the doctor who sawed open this globe, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
How about one day off? Just one! And hell yes, I am just this side of a bit edgy this morning. What the Foik? Throw me bone already!
At this very moment my cervical spine is at ease and pain free. As in no issues. BONUS! Last night was the total opposite as I was in a constant state of dreadful pain. At some point during the evening I was moments close to going to emergency care.
Yesterday afternoon, I met a very polite and professional Male Urologist. His name will be, He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage. Why yes, he was very gentel with the touching of body parts and yes, he did in fact inspect my undercarriage. Come the morrow I shall meet with him again as there are some tests he has ordered. I have a scarey feeling deep in my gut that this checking under the hood is not going to be too much damned fun or comfortable, so please pardon me as I begin preparation today...
...as in wrapping this about and around this Granite Globe of mine. I like this doctor and plan on moving full speed ahead with all that he orders or recommends. The brother dropped the "C" word on me because of "my history" and my junk is all nervous and scared. Me too.
I think it is just about that time I contact Sir Dude for one of our gatherings. Too much time has passed us by since our last. True.
p.s. Am taking medications ordered by all of my physicians.
The meniere's stuff/shit is acting a damned fool with my mind and body this morning. Seems to me it was waiting and on the ready the moment I stirred from a restless night of tossing, turning and getting by with very little actual rest and sleep. The symptoms and noises had my wheels turning while I did my best to at least rest this body and it's muscles...
...my Deaf Left Ear had what I heard as drums beating aloud and in some sort of message or code. Maybe a Nation resideing between my ears was sending a message to another hemisphere of the brain. I mean like, DAMN! And this was not a bang the drums slowly or softly. I wonder if I'll ever be totally at ease with silence in my Deaf Left. I sure cain't tell!
The jolly Right Hard of Hearing, had the sounds of the Amazon AND the Everglades competing for First Place in the Live Concert series. If there was some way I could physically provide a sample for you to take a listen, I would sure as shit do just that. The sad piece is that I LOVE these often peaceful and meditative sounds...
...just NEVER when the sounds come from within and not my stereo system.
My state of dizziness is fresh off a roller coaster type of dizzy that has just reached it's climax. Earlier it was a tipsy dizzy type. Rather like a bad damned hang over dizzy now that I think about it. Had to hold on to the vanity as I brushed my teeth to keep from tipping over or into the sink - which I have done before. By the way, I spoke with He-Who-Touched-My-Brains, assistant yesterday about the falls of recent. I have become hyper-vigilent in my persuit to not fall.
The nausea is at the top of the adams apple and I feel vomitting is eminent. If it was only so easy or to become true. The medication I have been prescribed might as well be a placibo or an empty capsule because I receive no benefit and am tired of playing the tic-tac-toe with all of these bleeding medications.
I am sweating so bad I feel it under my arms and sliding down my sides. At this damned moment. I also am wearing this matching baseball cap and necklace of perspiration and sweat. What a lovely mess. Hell yes, I know this is gross, but I live this grossness every day. What can I say? Or do?
Shit, I have grown ass Folks, trying to tell me what to do or what to eat or take with this meniere's disease. Think I much prefer the instructions from the doctor who sawed open this globe, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
How about one day off? Just one! And hell yes, I am just this side of a bit edgy this morning. What the Foik? Throw me bone already!
At this very moment my cervical spine is at ease and pain free. As in no issues. BONUS! Last night was the total opposite as I was in a constant state of dreadful pain. At some point during the evening I was moments close to going to emergency care.
Yesterday afternoon, I met a very polite and professional Male Urologist. His name will be, He-Who-Touched-My-Undercarriage. Why yes, he was very gentel with the touching of body parts and yes, he did in fact inspect my undercarriage. Come the morrow I shall meet with him again as there are some tests he has ordered. I have a scarey feeling deep in my gut that this checking under the hood is not going to be too much damned fun or comfortable, so please pardon me as I begin preparation today...
...as in wrapping this about and around this Granite Globe of mine. I like this doctor and plan on moving full speed ahead with all that he orders or recommends. The brother dropped the "C" word on me because of "my history" and my junk is all nervous and scared. Me too.
I think it is just about that time I contact Sir Dude for one of our gatherings. Too much time has passed us by since our last. True.
p.s. Am taking medications ordered by all of my physicians.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Rat-Tat-Tat and Some Tip-Tap-Tap
My Dear Sweet Lady D., I beg your pardon with the approach I am going to give my entry this evening. Please do not be irrate with me for going at this in a rat-tat-tat way as I tip-tap-tap along my sharing with you, my Kinfolk, Kindred, and all of my Relations...
...I'm in the blood. Am "in here" tonight and don't want to think too damn much about what I share. I might take issue with this every once and again, because thinking too much/rumination is a problem I have had since I was like maybe three or four years of age. Back when I saw the diffenence and knew the difference but had no one to play interference for me. SO, from that young ripe tender innocent age I threw myself and my entire all-of-me at life with total reckless abandon. If not for my Lil' Mario doing this and that then, I suspect I would not be here today...
...that cute and sweet little innocent remains alive and well and protected sweetly with-in me. Shit, I wonder how many years it took me for me to love who me was. Or is. Sometimes Me, still don't know. Maybe twisted like bread tie, but I know what I mean. Yes? Yes!
Folks, I have gained a hand few pounds during and post hospital stay. I really thought I had lost a few while in Hospital named after my Home State, but Gurls, them steroids have me puffed up like an angry Puffer Fish. Hell, even my lips are beginning to look puffed - and - no, don't even try thinking, "I went to the doctor's today to have my lips enhanced"! Please, if I was going to have anything enhanced it would not have been my lips. Really. Maybe some lipo-suction...
...and yes, I am starting to bug out with this! I do not want the extra few pounds damn it! I want lose the pounds and keep them off these hips. Y que? The hips don't lie honey.
I saw a new doctor today. Will chat about that later. Not now. Please?
I hate that the folks, across the pond just had to smash Amy Winehouse's name one more time. I really didn't want to hear she drank herself to death. Hell! I was so pleased and happy she had no drugs in her system as was reported shortly after her passing. My dear Sweet Amy, how I miss you.
Shortly after arriving from doctors office, I fed my Bird cousins and changed the water in their bath. I so truly enjoy listening to them speak their languages and sing their song's. So often I find a feather left behind as a thank you, their so kind. Over the years we've lived here we have seen generation after generation who come back because they enjoy the peace, love and respect here...
...even the one's passing through know they're all welcomed for a little bite, sip and rest a spell here at the sanctuary.
Speaking of sanctuary, I have never come up with a name for this piece of Earth Mother. The house that sits upon the land is known as "The House of Seven Windows". Perhaps I might consider naming the sanctuary and creating a sign with the name painted on it. Yes, I rather like this idea.
Old Kindred Spirit, I miss you more than I might convey in words. I'll let my Spirit share this with your Spirit. I enjoyed being in your company a week or so ago. My Spirit's were refreshed and my energy felt good seeing you face to face.
Medicine Woman, I miss you and look forward to our next conversation.
My Eye-Who-Lives-Amongst-The-Cherokee, I humble myself at your feet. If I have said or uttered something offensive, please, do not hestitate to check me on it. You are and have always been an important part of my time here. Maybe the passing of time taught me just how important you are to me and how much I do love you. I will be forever indebted to you dearest friend. Way after my last breath has been exhaled you will be a piece of my Spirit that will move on.
I never knew what a boundary was until I was well into my late 20's and early 30-somethings. There was no such thing in my upbringing. No respect for privacy, no respect for one's Circle of Light, and just way too damned many caps placed on potential inner growth or belief systems...
...I am Blessed to have had the lessons taught by teachers and mentors over the past twenty years of breathe. I learned to let go. And let God. I learned from my bride of thirty two years and from both daughters.
To trust. To have faith. To raise my daughters as a passionate human spirit and father who was able to teach, and thus pass on the safety and assurance of boundaries.
Enough said. Enough shared. Thank you Relations, thank you.
Love, peace, and peace, mario
...I'm in the blood. Am "in here" tonight and don't want to think too damn much about what I share. I might take issue with this every once and again, because thinking too much/rumination is a problem I have had since I was like maybe three or four years of age. Back when I saw the diffenence and knew the difference but had no one to play interference for me. SO, from that young ripe tender innocent age I threw myself and my entire all-of-me at life with total reckless abandon. If not for my Lil' Mario doing this and that then, I suspect I would not be here today...
...that cute and sweet little innocent remains alive and well and protected sweetly with-in me. Shit, I wonder how many years it took me for me to love who me was. Or is. Sometimes Me, still don't know. Maybe twisted like bread tie, but I know what I mean. Yes? Yes!
Folks, I have gained a hand few pounds during and post hospital stay. I really thought I had lost a few while in Hospital named after my Home State, but Gurls, them steroids have me puffed up like an angry Puffer Fish. Hell, even my lips are beginning to look puffed - and - no, don't even try thinking, "I went to the doctor's today to have my lips enhanced"! Please, if I was going to have anything enhanced it would not have been my lips. Really. Maybe some lipo-suction...
...and yes, I am starting to bug out with this! I do not want the extra few pounds damn it! I want lose the pounds and keep them off these hips. Y que? The hips don't lie honey.
I saw a new doctor today. Will chat about that later. Not now. Please?
I hate that the folks, across the pond just had to smash Amy Winehouse's name one more time. I really didn't want to hear she drank herself to death. Hell! I was so pleased and happy she had no drugs in her system as was reported shortly after her passing. My dear Sweet Amy, how I miss you.
Shortly after arriving from doctors office, I fed my Bird cousins and changed the water in their bath. I so truly enjoy listening to them speak their languages and sing their song's. So often I find a feather left behind as a thank you, their so kind. Over the years we've lived here we have seen generation after generation who come back because they enjoy the peace, love and respect here...
...even the one's passing through know they're all welcomed for a little bite, sip and rest a spell here at the sanctuary.
Speaking of sanctuary, I have never come up with a name for this piece of Earth Mother. The house that sits upon the land is known as "The House of Seven Windows". Perhaps I might consider naming the sanctuary and creating a sign with the name painted on it. Yes, I rather like this idea.
Old Kindred Spirit, I miss you more than I might convey in words. I'll let my Spirit share this with your Spirit. I enjoyed being in your company a week or so ago. My Spirit's were refreshed and my energy felt good seeing you face to face.
Medicine Woman, I miss you and look forward to our next conversation.
My Eye-Who-Lives-Amongst-The-Cherokee, I humble myself at your feet. If I have said or uttered something offensive, please, do not hestitate to check me on it. You are and have always been an important part of my time here. Maybe the passing of time taught me just how important you are to me and how much I do love you. I will be forever indebted to you dearest friend. Way after my last breath has been exhaled you will be a piece of my Spirit that will move on.
I never knew what a boundary was until I was well into my late 20's and early 30-somethings. There was no such thing in my upbringing. No respect for privacy, no respect for one's Circle of Light, and just way too damned many caps placed on potential inner growth or belief systems...
...I am Blessed to have had the lessons taught by teachers and mentors over the past twenty years of breathe. I learned to let go. And let God. I learned from my bride of thirty two years and from both daughters.
To trust. To have faith. To raise my daughters as a passionate human spirit and father who was able to teach, and thus pass on the safety and assurance of boundaries.
Enough said. Enough shared. Thank you Relations, thank you.
Love, peace, and peace, mario
Two Turtles With Fish As Neighbours & Meniere's
Woke this morn with the sound of a circling satalite coming from the deaf left ear and an odd ringer-ring-ringer-ring-ring from my right hard of hearing ear. An interesting yet frustrating stereophonic effect on the brain. Am nauseated first thing in the morning and have no desire to eat. Speaking of which, eating three meals a day makes me feel like a pig. I have a sister that suggests I eat several small meals every day. Shit, surely she must see that this is creating weight issues for her. I do. What? The dizziness is just here enough to let me know it's there. The nausea is uncomfortable in my throat and stomach. I would love to throw up, but have not had any break fast. Just several pills. So yummy the taste of medication first thing in the morning.
This morning I am subdued and anxious at the same time about my visit with Dr. Urologist later on today. What can I say really? For me a new doctor = new medications, which = new pills. Pretty little teeny tiny and or extra large ones - like this damned anti-biotic I am eating. Bloody thing's big enough to medicate a family of four or a small horse...
...by the way, after years and years of abuse and the emotional and psychological issues that followed, PTSD diagnosis back in the 1980's, I learned myself on the techniques of being subdued and anxious at the same time. Am thinking this is the same formula used when I am pissed as all hell and remain subdued at the same time. I reckon some folks call this putting a cap on my issues...
...I reckon I can tell some folks to kiss my ass. I know the issues that reside within and am doing what I must to live on.
Don't judge. Don't hate.
Stop. Next subject.
My two turtles are doing fantasticlly well and have made themselves at home here on the Sanctuary. I am so pleased for Aunt Helen the Soft Shelled Snapper, we purchased an aquarium for her and when we moved her from quarantine into the aquarium one could tell she was just so dang happy and joyful. I am pleased and blessed that my daughter spotted her on the car port. Poor baby turtle didn't stand a chance. Uncle Chester, the wild non-colored Slider, is doing super well, growing and is greedy as hell. This baby rescued from our pool would eat himself to death. Have recently learned these two species are non-combatable, so our endeavor to save their lives and keep them until maturity required two seperate living facilities...
...they are still so young that both think the fish in their tanks are their friends. Well ain't that special. It's just a matter of time I reckon that the Jone's will be dinner rather than over for dinner. Haha!
What a trip!
The thoughts of Dr. Urology, keep dashing through my head. Like the ping-pong balls on the Lotto. Yes, I am worried. It really is one of those things where I know something's just not right. Yeah-yeah, I mighta-coulda, but My Path had me focused on what it was that was more pressing. Alas, the day has come. In a spell, I'll take a hot scrub and shower...
...I mean, this "is" the male version of having all the junk down under poked and probed and messed around with all up in there. AND, I do have to represent "my business" nice, clean and proper like. True? Okay then.
To all Relations, love, peace and more peace...
This morning I am subdued and anxious at the same time about my visit with Dr. Urologist later on today. What can I say really? For me a new doctor = new medications, which = new pills. Pretty little teeny tiny and or extra large ones - like this damned anti-biotic I am eating. Bloody thing's big enough to medicate a family of four or a small horse...
...by the way, after years and years of abuse and the emotional and psychological issues that followed, PTSD diagnosis back in the 1980's, I learned myself on the techniques of being subdued and anxious at the same time. Am thinking this is the same formula used when I am pissed as all hell and remain subdued at the same time. I reckon some folks call this putting a cap on my issues...
...I reckon I can tell some folks to kiss my ass. I know the issues that reside within and am doing what I must to live on.
Don't judge. Don't hate.
Stop. Next subject.
My two turtles are doing fantasticlly well and have made themselves at home here on the Sanctuary. I am so pleased for Aunt Helen the Soft Shelled Snapper, we purchased an aquarium for her and when we moved her from quarantine into the aquarium one could tell she was just so dang happy and joyful. I am pleased and blessed that my daughter spotted her on the car port. Poor baby turtle didn't stand a chance. Uncle Chester, the wild non-colored Slider, is doing super well, growing and is greedy as hell. This baby rescued from our pool would eat himself to death. Have recently learned these two species are non-combatable, so our endeavor to save their lives and keep them until maturity required two seperate living facilities...
...they are still so young that both think the fish in their tanks are their friends. Well ain't that special. It's just a matter of time I reckon that the Jone's will be dinner rather than over for dinner. Haha!
What a trip!
The thoughts of Dr. Urology, keep dashing through my head. Like the ping-pong balls on the Lotto. Yes, I am worried. It really is one of those things where I know something's just not right. Yeah-yeah, I mighta-coulda, but My Path had me focused on what it was that was more pressing. Alas, the day has come. In a spell, I'll take a hot scrub and shower...
...I mean, this "is" the male version of having all the junk down under poked and probed and messed around with all up in there. AND, I do have to represent "my business" nice, clean and proper like. True? Okay then.
To all Relations, love, peace and more peace...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Meniere's Disease, Mountain Oysters, An Update:
I am absolutely in love with the one who searched for "drying bull cock" and found little ole me here in Meniere's Disease World. Bless their heart. I don't know if I was much of any help with the drying of bull cock, but I sure hope you might've picked up a little something on the Meniere's front...
...look, I can't help but smile. Great Spirit, has My Path cross with the Paths of others every day. Here on the Blogger, via telephone, via the e-mail, the USPS, etc. Just never under the pre-text of the drying of bull cock and balls. I've seen plenty in my day but damn it, if I've ever jotted notes down about them. This no doubt is a result of an article I published not too long ago. Think I'll drop the ole bull cock & ball stuff now. It is distasteful indeed. Um, the Mountain Oyster does actually taste pretty damned good deep fried. A bit of hot sauce, salt and pepper. Yum! Yes?
I was wanting to share a few things and symptoms of my Meniere's Disease this evening. Not to take too much time, just an FYI sort of thing...
I have had another fall earlier today. This time in my bed room, just missing the Hope Chest my bride and I have carried with us over the years. It is made of cedar and I reakon my head would have known what that would've felt like. Fortuitously, my skull went that way as the right side of my body fell forward. I then fell again, on the rebound. This is a part of the balance and coordination pieces that are affected when the dizzy is just within a mid-range of a five or six. It is a whole hell of alot worse when I am having a bad dizzy day or a meniere's attack. I think sometimes I get over-confidant pushing the envelope and ended up busting my ass on this carpeted floor. It's a damned fall and I still grasp and gasp. And yes, it's still scarey as hell. Looking up at the ceiling and trying to figure out what the popcorn plastered up there looks like helped me gather my thoughts and Center. As one would do with puffy clouds, I have done with popcorn ceilings.
Once I got the Coconut twisted on good and tight, I went ahead and showered. My daughter in the living room as a "holla" at, if I fell in the shower. I am really not supposed to shower without a family member or friend here with me. It's one of those things that comes with Meniere's. It can also be a major pain to schedule a shower too. So I have taken showers unsupervised before because of the schedule piece. Sometimes things just don't work out as planned, so I take slow easy step-by-step showers.
The nausea that accompanies the dizziness and always follows the falls is riding on higher than mid at this moment. I have a necklace of perspiration and feel the coolness of my t-shirt collar on my neck. I suspect that maybe falls exasperates the perspirations and sweats, and memories of the falls. I'ld bet on it actually.
My Left Deaf Ear is picking up the pings of a World War Two era submarine beacon that still roams the waters of Earth Mother. It sounds like this....pinnnng, pinnnnng, pinnnnng like those subs I've seen on the old black and white motion pictures. Must be on auto-pilot and just spins round about in the South Pacific. FOCK! This is ALL I have heard for a chunk of this 25th of October coming from the "Deaf FOCKING One".
My Right-Good-Bad-Ear has had alot of commotion with the sounds of swamp land creatures and bugs and the jet plane that has been parked out back since about 1900 tonight. POOR bloody hearing too! It got so bad I just had to play along or try to read lips. I'm over the attitudes of others when I must ask for a repeat. So I've learned to cut that back a piece. My right ear contines to pop and plop and gives me the sensation that my inner ear is filling up with something. I can't tell what because nothing comes from it. Air? H2O? I just don't know.
Yes, I have taken prescribed medications and hope to return to bed directly. I was in my safe and comfy spot just a spell ago - the noises and perspiration made it necessary for me to get up for a wee bit.
I sit here and tip-tapping, as I begin to want to vomit. So I swallow and swallow and burp a bit. Hopeing.
***************************Not Meniere's Related*****************
The Worms continue their Crusade in Search of their Holy Grail on the left side of skull and face.
I continue to cough and I continue trying not to cough because of the pains in my lungs and ribs. Seems kind of wiered that they would still be brusied from the procedure. I am still taking the antibiotic, so maybe there's still a touch of the infection. Hell if I know. I just follow the doctors orders and instructions.
...look, I can't help but smile. Great Spirit, has My Path cross with the Paths of others every day. Here on the Blogger, via telephone, via the e-mail, the USPS, etc. Just never under the pre-text of the drying of bull cock and balls. I've seen plenty in my day but damn it, if I've ever jotted notes down about them. This no doubt is a result of an article I published not too long ago. Think I'll drop the ole bull cock & ball stuff now. It is distasteful indeed. Um, the Mountain Oyster does actually taste pretty damned good deep fried. A bit of hot sauce, salt and pepper. Yum! Yes?
I was wanting to share a few things and symptoms of my Meniere's Disease this evening. Not to take too much time, just an FYI sort of thing...
I have had another fall earlier today. This time in my bed room, just missing the Hope Chest my bride and I have carried with us over the years. It is made of cedar and I reakon my head would have known what that would've felt like. Fortuitously, my skull went that way as the right side of my body fell forward. I then fell again, on the rebound. This is a part of the balance and coordination pieces that are affected when the dizzy is just within a mid-range of a five or six. It is a whole hell of alot worse when I am having a bad dizzy day or a meniere's attack. I think sometimes I get over-confidant pushing the envelope and ended up busting my ass on this carpeted floor. It's a damned fall and I still grasp and gasp. And yes, it's still scarey as hell. Looking up at the ceiling and trying to figure out what the popcorn plastered up there looks like helped me gather my thoughts and Center. As one would do with puffy clouds, I have done with popcorn ceilings.
Once I got the Coconut twisted on good and tight, I went ahead and showered. My daughter in the living room as a "holla" at, if I fell in the shower. I am really not supposed to shower without a family member or friend here with me. It's one of those things that comes with Meniere's. It can also be a major pain to schedule a shower too. So I have taken showers unsupervised before because of the schedule piece. Sometimes things just don't work out as planned, so I take slow easy step-by-step showers.
The nausea that accompanies the dizziness and always follows the falls is riding on higher than mid at this moment. I have a necklace of perspiration and feel the coolness of my t-shirt collar on my neck. I suspect that maybe falls exasperates the perspirations and sweats, and memories of the falls. I'ld bet on it actually.
My Left Deaf Ear is picking up the pings of a World War Two era submarine beacon that still roams the waters of Earth Mother. It sounds like this....pinnnng, pinnnnng, pinnnnng like those subs I've seen on the old black and white motion pictures. Must be on auto-pilot and just spins round about in the South Pacific. FOCK! This is ALL I have heard for a chunk of this 25th of October coming from the "Deaf FOCKING One".
My Right-Good-Bad-Ear has had alot of commotion with the sounds of swamp land creatures and bugs and the jet plane that has been parked out back since about 1900 tonight. POOR bloody hearing too! It got so bad I just had to play along or try to read lips. I'm over the attitudes of others when I must ask for a repeat. So I've learned to cut that back a piece. My right ear contines to pop and plop and gives me the sensation that my inner ear is filling up with something. I can't tell what because nothing comes from it. Air? H2O? I just don't know.
Yes, I have taken prescribed medications and hope to return to bed directly. I was in my safe and comfy spot just a spell ago - the noises and perspiration made it necessary for me to get up for a wee bit.
I sit here and tip-tapping, as I begin to want to vomit. So I swallow and swallow and burp a bit. Hopeing.
***************************Not Meniere's Related*****************
The Worms continue their Crusade in Search of their Holy Grail on the left side of skull and face.
I continue to cough and I continue trying not to cough because of the pains in my lungs and ribs. Seems kind of wiered that they would still be brusied from the procedure. I am still taking the antibiotic, so maybe there's still a touch of the infection. Hell if I know. I just follow the doctors orders and instructions.
Doctor Urology and Me
Well, come tomorrow afternoon at exactly 1345, I shall meet with a Urologist for the first time. Yes, I have procrastinated this visit, probably by as much as four years. The only reason and or excuse I might muster is that there has been enough going on in my life pertaining to the health piece. Besides, I was in no hurry to have someone go all up in my junk and pick and probe...
...um, after all, "this is my junk" and I guess in some sort of way - I can be shy. Yes, I said shy. What? Why? I can't be shy? Alright then.
Yes, I am nervous as hell and really, "If I Could Turn Back Time", I sure as hell would. I be damned if I never ever had to think or even speak of this issue just a few damned years ago. I was too busy living the life...
...Well then, could this visit be the one and time for my Jiffy Lube...
...I don't know. I am nervous and afraid.
Yes, I am afraid. It's true. I am very truly afraid. I know there's been trouble brewing. The tell-tail signs and such, but I kept my focus on other issues pertaining to health and life. Whatever the trouble may be, I hope and pray my Dr. Urology, will be able to help me patch things up...
...up there in the business. My business.
Relations, I do ask that maybe a bit of good energy and vibrations be sent this way in the morrow. Maybe some prayers too. I sure could use the power of love and prayer.
No matter the outcome, I will connect with my Relations via this portal. To those who share this Earth Mother with me...
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
...um, after all, "this is my junk" and I guess in some sort of way - I can be shy. Yes, I said shy. What? Why? I can't be shy? Alright then.
Yes, I am nervous as hell and really, "If I Could Turn Back Time", I sure as hell would. I be damned if I never ever had to think or even speak of this issue just a few damned years ago. I was too busy living the life...
...Well then, could this visit be the one and time for my Jiffy Lube...
...I don't know. I am nervous and afraid.
Yes, I am afraid. It's true. I am very truly afraid. I know there's been trouble brewing. The tell-tail signs and such, but I kept my focus on other issues pertaining to health and life. Whatever the trouble may be, I hope and pray my Dr. Urology, will be able to help me patch things up...
...up there in the business. My business.
Relations, I do ask that maybe a bit of good energy and vibrations be sent this way in the morrow. Maybe some prayers too. I sure could use the power of love and prayer.
No matter the outcome, I will connect with my Relations via this portal. To those who share this Earth Mother with me...
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Monday, October 24, 2011
Neurology, Meniere's, & Me
Had a visit with my Dr. Neurology this afternoon. It was really rather like any other appointment with her. We discussed paths we've taken and medications tried and tasted, and honestly, this is the same song and dance as most every other visit. Perhaps, this is as far as we will get with this cervical spine situation with me for the now being. I don't know. I am having to trust my doctor with this direction to a degree...
...then, to some degree, I steer also. We spoke of the physical therapy, I reminded doctor we've done this physical therapy before - in clinic and at home, several times. She spoke of the anti-sad medication she ordered a long time ago - I reminded her I am on an anti-sad that's directed to the sad part of me by my psych doctor, not the cervical spine. Doctor spoke of a "Pain Management" doctor. I thanked her but declined the idea. For now anyways. I've been to one before and even though He-With-Many-Syringes is good, the whole pain management clinic thing and the patients scare me. Really. Honestly.
She recommended a non-narcotic stamp that I'll apply to my neck. I appreciate this direction and an order has been called into the pharamacy. She spoke of traction, so I have traction here in home and will increase the amount of tractions in a day. Doctor is considering an increase of mg for the anti-nerve-pain medication. I approve of this too because I am presently on same medication. Just would be an increase.
Oh, how I look forward to life without the worms on the side of my head and now on my face - the left cheek bone area that twitches every once and again...
...as if the bloody bastards multiplied and spread throughout the left side of my skull. The pain continues as it does - intermittentingly. Sometimes breath taking so severe, other wise a painful reminder there is stuff going on in the cervical spine that will go on as I go on. Life. When I can no longer accept the going's on as a healthy part of my day to day life, then the next step will be taken.
The Meniere's Disease, has been just plain obnoxious for the past several days. The dizziness has created a hyper state of awareness in my surroundings. The fall at hospital was due to dizziness and lack of coordination in my reaction to the loss of balance. Back not to long ago, my reactions were quick and sure. I am presently back on the strengthening of my upper body with the hopes of better reaction and muscle to land on when I do fall.
The nausea has been present daily and has been productive the past two. My throat was sore and my voice altered by the power of the nausea. The sweating has been present off and on along with the strength of the nausea and dizziness.
The hearing in my right ear has been lame as I have had days of hyper-loudness to day's of totally poor hearing. At this moment I am listening to a large number of large crikets. This ear contines to plop and pop.
My deaf left ear, today has been listening to the constant beep of someones alarm clock. A constant and steady beep-beep-beep-beep, with no button to push for a snooze or turn it off.
(The urge to vomit is so strong at this moment!)
As far as I, I am still healing from the infection in my lungs. I have managed to catch a cough and I be damned if both sides lungs and ribs ache and hurt when I do cough. I have taken my medications as directed...
...I don't know what more I can do.
...then, to some degree, I steer also. We spoke of the physical therapy, I reminded doctor we've done this physical therapy before - in clinic and at home, several times. She spoke of the anti-sad medication she ordered a long time ago - I reminded her I am on an anti-sad that's directed to the sad part of me by my psych doctor, not the cervical spine. Doctor spoke of a "Pain Management" doctor. I thanked her but declined the idea. For now anyways. I've been to one before and even though He-With-Many-Syringes is good, the whole pain management clinic thing and the patients scare me. Really. Honestly.
She recommended a non-narcotic stamp that I'll apply to my neck. I appreciate this direction and an order has been called into the pharamacy. She spoke of traction, so I have traction here in home and will increase the amount of tractions in a day. Doctor is considering an increase of mg for the anti-nerve-pain medication. I approve of this too because I am presently on same medication. Just would be an increase.
Oh, how I look forward to life without the worms on the side of my head and now on my face - the left cheek bone area that twitches every once and again...
...as if the bloody bastards multiplied and spread throughout the left side of my skull. The pain continues as it does - intermittentingly. Sometimes breath taking so severe, other wise a painful reminder there is stuff going on in the cervical spine that will go on as I go on. Life. When I can no longer accept the going's on as a healthy part of my day to day life, then the next step will be taken.
The Meniere's Disease, has been just plain obnoxious for the past several days. The dizziness has created a hyper state of awareness in my surroundings. The fall at hospital was due to dizziness and lack of coordination in my reaction to the loss of balance. Back not to long ago, my reactions were quick and sure. I am presently back on the strengthening of my upper body with the hopes of better reaction and muscle to land on when I do fall.
The nausea has been present daily and has been productive the past two. My throat was sore and my voice altered by the power of the nausea. The sweating has been present off and on along with the strength of the nausea and dizziness.
The hearing in my right ear has been lame as I have had days of hyper-loudness to day's of totally poor hearing. At this moment I am listening to a large number of large crikets. This ear contines to plop and pop.
My deaf left ear, today has been listening to the constant beep of someones alarm clock. A constant and steady beep-beep-beep-beep, with no button to push for a snooze or turn it off.
(The urge to vomit is so strong at this moment!)
As far as I, I am still healing from the infection in my lungs. I have managed to catch a cough and I be damned if both sides lungs and ribs ache and hurt when I do cough. I have taken my medications as directed...
...I don't know what more I can do.
When One Speaks of Death
I have noticed the mask professional folks place on their face when I speak of or share my thoughts of death and or dieing. There is no need to cover my face because I speak with honesty and the truth. I am absolutely postitive this is a subject that my brains, both left and right, and my mind have their little electronic lighting flashes and fire works going off between my ears as I tip-tap along...
...there is a part of my core and pieces of me that are always active because I do think of death and dieing. Daily. There has been too much death and dieing in my Relations over the past decade. Year-to-date. Close within my Circle and those who are Kindred and Like Minded...and it branches off to include all Relations. Death, really is a part of My Path. I am just so exhausted from reading and seeing so much death on the television or in the press. Death is all around me and death comes uninvited, and as I recently learned always out of season.
I have often said, as I will say right now that today is a good day to die. It was and has been a mighty good day to join them who have crossed before me. My Lord, the reunions I would have! Within this same breath I will say and perhaps even proclaim that today was a mighty fine day to be alive as well! Spent time with daughter and wife and was able to speak with daughter who lives far far and away. Met with Dr. Neurology and am on course, moving in a forward direction with that.
Am pushing this heavy envelope with gladness and sometimes assertively. As and if I must, I'll pull the card. There's been too many nay sayers, you see? It is within my legal and vivid mind set, that I will push as hard as I possibly can to over come these emotional drains in my life. Most of them are the physical illnesses and diseases that are constant reminders of so much that I took for granted in life. Hearing, driving, walking, working, running, breathing...
...then there's the sadness and sometimes madness that rents a spot here in this Human's Body. Please, who, no let me say I, never would have thought this is where I would be at the recently changed age of 52 years.
The dreary dark and horrible places in my thoughts are there because of my memories of the lives I was forced to live as a child and adult. Then mix in issues of the past few years and I'm ripe with the tales of loss of hearing, being Deaf in left ear, loss of balance, surgeries, sickness, hospitalizations, procedures, loss of employement because of same. Loss of contact with those near my heart, them who I used to have daily contact. The loss of an employment that was the best in my life. Starbucks Coffee Company. Still, I get home sick.
Loss of self respect and the loss of self love. Somewhere along these past few years I forgot to remember to love myself.
So yes, my Relations, with all of the above said and shared, I have thought and think of death every day of life. No, there are no plans in place and no, I don't place myself in harms way with the hopes of death. Please...
...I love life and I love to live. I'm just not afraid of death or dieing.
I battle the wanting to brand my skin. I battle the desires to cut myself. I battle the yearning to bleed...
...thinking and believing as I did as a child that this is a cleaning of sorts. I love to see the tubes of my blood when drawn for laboratory. My Mixed Breed Blood is beautiful and when it is in an airtight draw from a major vein it's color is rich and almost an unfamiliar shade of red.
I need to be able to speak of these thoughts and issues with the professionals who take care of my emotional, mental, and pyhsical health. I do not make this a topic for conversation. Damn it, it's just one of those things that I might need a little understanding and face to face...
...no masks please.
...there is a part of my core and pieces of me that are always active because I do think of death and dieing. Daily. There has been too much death and dieing in my Relations over the past decade. Year-to-date. Close within my Circle and those who are Kindred and Like Minded...and it branches off to include all Relations. Death, really is a part of My Path. I am just so exhausted from reading and seeing so much death on the television or in the press. Death is all around me and death comes uninvited, and as I recently learned always out of season.
I have often said, as I will say right now that today is a good day to die. It was and has been a mighty good day to join them who have crossed before me. My Lord, the reunions I would have! Within this same breath I will say and perhaps even proclaim that today was a mighty fine day to be alive as well! Spent time with daughter and wife and was able to speak with daughter who lives far far and away. Met with Dr. Neurology and am on course, moving in a forward direction with that.
Am pushing this heavy envelope with gladness and sometimes assertively. As and if I must, I'll pull the card. There's been too many nay sayers, you see? It is within my legal and vivid mind set, that I will push as hard as I possibly can to over come these emotional drains in my life. Most of them are the physical illnesses and diseases that are constant reminders of so much that I took for granted in life. Hearing, driving, walking, working, running, breathing...
...then there's the sadness and sometimes madness that rents a spot here in this Human's Body. Please, who, no let me say I, never would have thought this is where I would be at the recently changed age of 52 years.
The dreary dark and horrible places in my thoughts are there because of my memories of the lives I was forced to live as a child and adult. Then mix in issues of the past few years and I'm ripe with the tales of loss of hearing, being Deaf in left ear, loss of balance, surgeries, sickness, hospitalizations, procedures, loss of employement because of same. Loss of contact with those near my heart, them who I used to have daily contact. The loss of an employment that was the best in my life. Starbucks Coffee Company. Still, I get home sick.
Loss of self respect and the loss of self love. Somewhere along these past few years I forgot to remember to love myself.
So yes, my Relations, with all of the above said and shared, I have thought and think of death every day of life. No, there are no plans in place and no, I don't place myself in harms way with the hopes of death. Please...
...I love life and I love to live. I'm just not afraid of death or dieing.
I battle the wanting to brand my skin. I battle the desires to cut myself. I battle the yearning to bleed...
...thinking and believing as I did as a child that this is a cleaning of sorts. I love to see the tubes of my blood when drawn for laboratory. My Mixed Breed Blood is beautiful and when it is in an airtight draw from a major vein it's color is rich and almost an unfamiliar shade of red.
I need to be able to speak of these thoughts and issues with the professionals who take care of my emotional, mental, and pyhsical health. I do not make this a topic for conversation. Damn it, it's just one of those things that I might need a little understanding and face to face...
...no masks please.
Friday, October 21, 2011
The Hospital Named After My State
Please, to the Hospital named after my Home State. Listen and Read this...
...I will not betray names. This is not my intention, yet I follow up on this for too many obvious reasons. Will do so via telephone as well.
He from Dietary, who had spoken to me out of sorts, came to visit me and made his ammends and shook my hands like a man. His face to my face, and I was glad of this, for the matter is now done and gone.
When I asked for the Nursing Administrator of this hospital named after my home state, I meant just that, not the Wing Supervisor. If I wanted the Evil Witch of the West, I would have summoned her myself. Such a sour grouch and one unworthy of such a position in such a prestigious hospital. If I may, Patchouli gave her head aches. Poor thing and bless her heart. She wore her heart, mind and intentions on her shoulders. So fake is she, to come prepared because I requested an audiance to speak of certain Nursing issues. Her Nursing Staff issues. The Hospital's Nursing issues.
For example, I fell from my bed and no examinations were ever made. No one ever responded to the fall despite being monitored by a video camera. No reports ever made or written. No follow up at all.
To speak of her Nurse who with-held medication from a patient under her care. Me and mine. When I confronted She-Who-With-Held and informed her I remembered her from a previous visit with same issues - she denied it. I guarentee that if my last visit was researched, this nurses name would be on my file - with same issue. I am so positive of this and repeat myself to permit this to really sink in. What was this Nurses agenda? Is it just my curiosity? I think not. Why with hold medications from a patient in need? I had not been denied before this nurse came about and destroyed a regimine established by doctors and nurses who worked diligently to manage my care.
Then this, the final straw that will provide my motivation an added boost to report in spoken word is that, believe it or not, my discharge nurse stunk of cigarette smoke so bad, I could tell she had just returned from a break or her smoke-a-meal.
There is so very much positive to be said and shared about this hospital named after my home state. There are dozens upon dozens of fantastic folk I met here. So many fantastic patient/staff reunions - it was like, "Hey, I remember you"! I can say from my core that for the very most part every person I crossed paths with went above and beyond the call of duty for my health care and I...
...and no, I will not permit a bad apple or two to mess up such a rewarding hospitalization. It just would not be the right thing to do.
There is a post script...
...never argue with the patient. I am the customer in that bed that would've otherwise been vacant.
For now, I have nothing more to say.
...I will not betray names. This is not my intention, yet I follow up on this for too many obvious reasons. Will do so via telephone as well.
He from Dietary, who had spoken to me out of sorts, came to visit me and made his ammends and shook my hands like a man. His face to my face, and I was glad of this, for the matter is now done and gone.
When I asked for the Nursing Administrator of this hospital named after my home state, I meant just that, not the Wing Supervisor. If I wanted the Evil Witch of the West, I would have summoned her myself. Such a sour grouch and one unworthy of such a position in such a prestigious hospital. If I may, Patchouli gave her head aches. Poor thing and bless her heart. She wore her heart, mind and intentions on her shoulders. So fake is she, to come prepared because I requested an audiance to speak of certain Nursing issues. Her Nursing Staff issues. The Hospital's Nursing issues.
For example, I fell from my bed and no examinations were ever made. No one ever responded to the fall despite being monitored by a video camera. No reports ever made or written. No follow up at all.
To speak of her Nurse who with-held medication from a patient under her care. Me and mine. When I confronted She-Who-With-Held and informed her I remembered her from a previous visit with same issues - she denied it. I guarentee that if my last visit was researched, this nurses name would be on my file - with same issue. I am so positive of this and repeat myself to permit this to really sink in. What was this Nurses agenda? Is it just my curiosity? I think not. Why with hold medications from a patient in need? I had not been denied before this nurse came about and destroyed a regimine established by doctors and nurses who worked diligently to manage my care.
Then this, the final straw that will provide my motivation an added boost to report in spoken word is that, believe it or not, my discharge nurse stunk of cigarette smoke so bad, I could tell she had just returned from a break or her smoke-a-meal.
There is so very much positive to be said and shared about this hospital named after my home state. There are dozens upon dozens of fantastic folk I met here. So many fantastic patient/staff reunions - it was like, "Hey, I remember you"! I can say from my core that for the very most part every person I crossed paths with went above and beyond the call of duty for my health care and I...
...and no, I will not permit a bad apple or two to mess up such a rewarding hospitalization. It just would not be the right thing to do.
There is a post script...
...never argue with the patient. I am the customer in that bed that would've otherwise been vacant.
For now, I have nothing more to say.
Recollections of 0440, The 19 October 2011
It was 0440 when a Nursing Tech came barging into my quarters to take a blood sugar, scaring the poop/crap/shit out of me! This just happened to be one of those forty-five minute sleep night and morning.
There was a steady beep, beep, beep that WAS not coming from within, but from the out side of my skull and hearing...
...it was the I.V. monitor doing it's job by alerting whom, I'm not sure, of the lack of medicine going through this tubing.
Across the hall from where I prayed - Buddhist Folk's were listening to Churchical Chant's for Buddha. Honoring their Elder. The sounds of the music and repetitive chants sounded like the ones I've heard from India, Jamacia, Japan, Africa, and the Indian within my veins. Soothingly Soulful.
I could see through my window that the rains had come with plenty wind. I could not determine from which direction, but I suspect it was from the North, by the torn American Flag hanging and flying out the doors. Rain collecting on the roof top of the first floor.
There was one particular patient who touched my Inner Sanctuary by calling over and over again, Ma? Ma? Mommy? Ma? Oh, how this made my heart heavy, as I have had my Mom so much in mind the past few day's.
The little lady next door who had cursed at me earlier, (bless her heart), was giving the Nursing Staff pure hell, as she was not having any of this this morning. Combative is putting this lightly. She gave her all!
The 19th of October, was the 92 Anniversary of my Grandmother's Birth, and I was unable to celebrate with her.
Recollections of 0440, the 19th October 2011.
There was a steady beep, beep, beep that WAS not coming from within, but from the out side of my skull and hearing...
...it was the I.V. monitor doing it's job by alerting whom, I'm not sure, of the lack of medicine going through this tubing.
Across the hall from where I prayed - Buddhist Folk's were listening to Churchical Chant's for Buddha. Honoring their Elder. The sounds of the music and repetitive chants sounded like the ones I've heard from India, Jamacia, Japan, Africa, and the Indian within my veins. Soothingly Soulful.
I could see through my window that the rains had come with plenty wind. I could not determine from which direction, but I suspect it was from the North, by the torn American Flag hanging and flying out the doors. Rain collecting on the roof top of the first floor.
There was one particular patient who touched my Inner Sanctuary by calling over and over again, Ma? Ma? Mommy? Ma? Oh, how this made my heart heavy, as I have had my Mom so much in mind the past few day's.
The little lady next door who had cursed at me earlier, (bless her heart), was giving the Nursing Staff pure hell, as she was not having any of this this morning. Combative is putting this lightly. She gave her all!
The 19th of October, was the 92 Anniversary of my Grandmother's Birth, and I was unable to celebrate with her.
Recollections of 0440, the 19th October 2011.
The Normalization of The One Named Mario
Have awoke from a good deep dream filled sleep and rest of a recovering body. Am feeling close to being back to what I consider normal for me and my day to day living. Please note I did say close, which is relative and normal, which in my case even I do not know...
...normal? Wait, I don't remember ever being a normal sort. Yes, I have exceeded standards when able, but "normal" and I seem to have this static cling relationship going on...
...yes, if I forget the Cling Free in my dry cycle, "BAM", shit sticks on to me like the stench of foul smelling infection sticks to these braidable nose hairs of mine. No, really. I could braid these strands right here.
I suspect I am a rational being and I do my absolute best to always be responsible. That word "always" sticks out a wee bit for me too, en'it? I think. Yet, I assure you I do do my best to "always be normal". HA!
As long as I carry with me this disease Meniere's, my day's will forever be non-normal...
...which brings me to a brief snip-it. The Meniere's followed me to hospital and has followed me home. Just like a loyal pet hound follows his/her keeper (in my case, both) about this land or lodge. I did not want to communicate about meniere's while in hospital because of the focus that was necessary to breath and fight this dreaded infection. Breathing was extremely difficult at times and required treatments, o2, and I.V. drip around the clock. I could have moaned and groaned about the symptoms I was experiancing and true, I kept the Nursing Staff abreast of what was going on between my two ears and Meniere's, but, I really felt this deep desire to breath...
...what war and combat it was for us to deal with the infection of lungs and body and have this piggy-backed with the going's on of Meniere's. There were many times when I laid awake in the wee hours and tried to figure out what are the lessons I am to gain and learn from this cocktail of disease's. I am still figuring that piece out. Although, I have infact learned that as a patient, one must truly speak up for oneself, for not this, one slips between the cracks of the care we all expect while in a hospital bed.
There are other things I would enjoy sharing, but for now I think my inner core is saying, "go sit on a comfy chair" and relax. These medications have me feeling like this and like that and like these all at the very same instance.
So, until the next time, peace, love and more peace.
Relations, it is a wonderful and beautiful thing being home. Soon, my lungs and inner organs will catch up with my not so often, but "always normal", me.
...normal? Wait, I don't remember ever being a normal sort. Yes, I have exceeded standards when able, but "normal" and I seem to have this static cling relationship going on...
...yes, if I forget the Cling Free in my dry cycle, "BAM", shit sticks on to me like the stench of foul smelling infection sticks to these braidable nose hairs of mine. No, really. I could braid these strands right here.
I suspect I am a rational being and I do my absolute best to always be responsible. That word "always" sticks out a wee bit for me too, en'it? I think. Yet, I assure you I do do my best to "always be normal". HA!
As long as I carry with me this disease Meniere's, my day's will forever be non-normal...
...which brings me to a brief snip-it. The Meniere's followed me to hospital and has followed me home. Just like a loyal pet hound follows his/her keeper (in my case, both) about this land or lodge. I did not want to communicate about meniere's while in hospital because of the focus that was necessary to breath and fight this dreaded infection. Breathing was extremely difficult at times and required treatments, o2, and I.V. drip around the clock. I could have moaned and groaned about the symptoms I was experiancing and true, I kept the Nursing Staff abreast of what was going on between my two ears and Meniere's, but, I really felt this deep desire to breath...
...what war and combat it was for us to deal with the infection of lungs and body and have this piggy-backed with the going's on of Meniere's. There were many times when I laid awake in the wee hours and tried to figure out what are the lessons I am to gain and learn from this cocktail of disease's. I am still figuring that piece out. Although, I have infact learned that as a patient, one must truly speak up for oneself, for not this, one slips between the cracks of the care we all expect while in a hospital bed.
There are other things I would enjoy sharing, but for now I think my inner core is saying, "go sit on a comfy chair" and relax. These medications have me feeling like this and like that and like these all at the very same instance.
So, until the next time, peace, love and more peace.
Relations, it is a wonderful and beautiful thing being home. Soon, my lungs and inner organs will catch up with my not so often, but "always normal", me.
Getting The Rest and Sleep
I have done very much sleeping since I returned home from hospital. Not the meniere's related type of sleep, yet something like an exhaustion and catch-up-on-the-sleep, sleep. The rest and sleep I was unable to maintain while in hospital. During my six days, I got by with sometimes less than forty five minutes per day - others maybe get by with no more than than two hours of sleep. The last day and one half as a patient I was finally finding stratigic moments to close my eyes for rest and a sleep that was not a sleep. Semi-Sleep, is what I shall refer to it as. My physical state has commanded this rest...
...all I've had to do was listen to it.
It is so very good to be here in my lodge. With my family near by, my bed, pillows and blankets, and our hounds forever keeping an eye on my back, front and sides. I feel protected and guarded.
I beleive I am coming out of the medicinal other places as I am slowly regain the all of me. It is never easy adjusting to hospital's schedule. I am well aware the staff is there to make the patient as comfortable as possible while maintaining the regimen of doctor ordered procedures, medications, vital statistics and the what-not's that come along with a hospital stay...
...it is because of this regimen I am home today. Am easier to breath and the infection that had overwhelmed my body is continuing to be flushed from these veins, body parts and the places where we pass body fluids and waste.
I can feel it.
This infection had found itself a home in my physical form. This infection is being fought and expelled, all to gladly by it's host.
...all I've had to do was listen to it.
It is so very good to be here in my lodge. With my family near by, my bed, pillows and blankets, and our hounds forever keeping an eye on my back, front and sides. I feel protected and guarded.
I beleive I am coming out of the medicinal other places as I am slowly regain the all of me. It is never easy adjusting to hospital's schedule. I am well aware the staff is there to make the patient as comfortable as possible while maintaining the regimen of doctor ordered procedures, medications, vital statistics and the what-not's that come along with a hospital stay...
...it is because of this regimen I am home today. Am easier to breath and the infection that had overwhelmed my body is continuing to be flushed from these veins, body parts and the places where we pass body fluids and waste.
I can feel it.
This infection had found itself a home in my physical form. This infection is being fought and expelled, all to gladly by it's host.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The Comfort Is Home, All My Relations
All Relations,
I was discharged from hospital yesterday afternoon. All medications other than those via the veins, I now take here in the comfort of home. The same pills, maybe just manufactured by a different company, with a diffenerent name and yet, same-same.
I have slept heavy as granite since last evening. Little did I realize my pillows and bed were beckoning me to my safe place and comfortable bed with such a passion.
Beatitude.
I do not wish to place a burden on these words I tip-tap this late morning, 20 October 2011. I simply wish to thank one and everyone for their thoughts, prayers, contemplations, and meditations on behalf of my health and the improvement of same. The effect carried the power and influence to hasten my discharge from hospital...
...I am confidant of this.
There is and will be experiances and words to share, just not right now. I have shared enough, I have said enough. My mind and body kindly request my return to bed. It is my bodies and Spirit's wish. So I will make it so.
Much love, peace, and more peace to one and all...
I was discharged from hospital yesterday afternoon. All medications other than those via the veins, I now take here in the comfort of home. The same pills, maybe just manufactured by a different company, with a diffenerent name and yet, same-same.
I have slept heavy as granite since last evening. Little did I realize my pillows and bed were beckoning me to my safe place and comfortable bed with such a passion.
Beatitude.
I do not wish to place a burden on these words I tip-tap this late morning, 20 October 2011. I simply wish to thank one and everyone for their thoughts, prayers, contemplations, and meditations on behalf of my health and the improvement of same. The effect carried the power and influence to hasten my discharge from hospital...
...I am confidant of this.
There is and will be experiances and words to share, just not right now. I have shared enough, I have said enough. My mind and body kindly request my return to bed. It is my bodies and Spirit's wish. So I will make it so.
Much love, peace, and more peace to one and all...
Monday, October 17, 2011
All Hospitals Ought To Be Smoke Free. Period.
It is my belief that every hospital in our City of Tampa, should be Smoke Free Enviroments. It would be an excellent idea to have every hospital in our nation be Smoke Free as well...
...I am a former smoker. Smoked since I was thirteen ears of age. I would often steal the smokes from Kinfolk or got them from friends who would do the same. As soon as I got my first job I began to purchase my own. Seems to me that smoking was a part of being in the cool scene as televsion host's smoked on air, jocks and cowboys promoted them, baseball players and coaches smoked them in the dug out. Folks were permitted to smoke in planes and trains. Folks could smoke in their hospital beds and in the corridors of hospitals. I can still remember seeing the ash trays attached to walls through out every hospital and their elevators. There were no smoke free resturants or smoke free zones. Heck, I remember when it was okay to smoke in movie theaters and super markets. Commercials on television were popular and one could win nice prizes by entering contests. There would be free gifts with purchase, such as ball caps, t-shirts, and the what-not's that smokers wanted to have back in the day...
...as a society things have changed over the past couple of decades. I quit smoking approxitmatly three to four years ago. My bride much longer than I
and I was the one who would give her hassles for her smoking habits while I had my own routines.
The point? Health Care Professionals are still smoking. It's their right if that's what they want to do and yes, it's true, as time moves on more and more hospital's are mandating No Smoking, but for us former smokers there's a long ways to go yet. There's still too many Medical Establishments that permit smoking on campus.
One of two things that itches my ass is when I have to enter doctors offices, clinic's and or hospitals where a group of folks are puffig away. These are the doctors and nurses and their staff who are major influences on all who see them. From the impressionable children and young folks to those of us who have given the habit away for a better state of health...
...as for I, I have grown repulsed by the smell of smoke. Cigars, pipes and cigarettes - especially cigars because the scent triggers flashbacks and ugly memories of childhood abuse.
The number two and maybe even switch this back to number one, is when my Respiratory Therapists, Nurse Techs's, or an R.N., smoke their smokes then return to work without washing their hands. Placing their filthy hands in my face to take my temperature or to dispense of my medications with the hands that smell of smoke. Their hair and clothes absorb the stench and in worst case scenerio have someone lie about their habit to my face as they have their hand in front of my nose smelling the tar and nicotine.
I am an at risk person due to my pulmonary ill status. Every person who does not smoke is at risk as we walk through the smoke to gain entrance or exit a building. I simply will not do business with establishments that permits smoking inside the business. I don't have to, you see?
As far as my home, there is no smoking permitted in doors. We have a nice screened in porch in the East Wing and our guests have an ash tray there for their smoking enjoyment and or pleasure.
NOTE: Medical personal, please wash your hands after every smoke. Washing hands is a requirement and policy any ways. It's called Universal Precautions.
I've said enough. I'll say no more.
p.s. Just know I am going to tell it to your face in my face to please wash your really smelly dirty hands.
...I am a former smoker. Smoked since I was thirteen ears of age. I would often steal the smokes from Kinfolk or got them from friends who would do the same. As soon as I got my first job I began to purchase my own. Seems to me that smoking was a part of being in the cool scene as televsion host's smoked on air, jocks and cowboys promoted them, baseball players and coaches smoked them in the dug out. Folks were permitted to smoke in planes and trains. Folks could smoke in their hospital beds and in the corridors of hospitals. I can still remember seeing the ash trays attached to walls through out every hospital and their elevators. There were no smoke free resturants or smoke free zones. Heck, I remember when it was okay to smoke in movie theaters and super markets. Commercials on television were popular and one could win nice prizes by entering contests. There would be free gifts with purchase, such as ball caps, t-shirts, and the what-not's that smokers wanted to have back in the day...
...as a society things have changed over the past couple of decades. I quit smoking approxitmatly three to four years ago. My bride much longer than I
and I was the one who would give her hassles for her smoking habits while I had my own routines.
The point? Health Care Professionals are still smoking. It's their right if that's what they want to do and yes, it's true, as time moves on more and more hospital's are mandating No Smoking, but for us former smokers there's a long ways to go yet. There's still too many Medical Establishments that permit smoking on campus.
One of two things that itches my ass is when I have to enter doctors offices, clinic's and or hospitals where a group of folks are puffig away. These are the doctors and nurses and their staff who are major influences on all who see them. From the impressionable children and young folks to those of us who have given the habit away for a better state of health...
...as for I, I have grown repulsed by the smell of smoke. Cigars, pipes and cigarettes - especially cigars because the scent triggers flashbacks and ugly memories of childhood abuse.
The number two and maybe even switch this back to number one, is when my Respiratory Therapists, Nurse Techs's, or an R.N., smoke their smokes then return to work without washing their hands. Placing their filthy hands in my face to take my temperature or to dispense of my medications with the hands that smell of smoke. Their hair and clothes absorb the stench and in worst case scenerio have someone lie about their habit to my face as they have their hand in front of my nose smelling the tar and nicotine.
I am an at risk person due to my pulmonary ill status. Every person who does not smoke is at risk as we walk through the smoke to gain entrance or exit a building. I simply will not do business with establishments that permits smoking inside the business. I don't have to, you see?
As far as my home, there is no smoking permitted in doors. We have a nice screened in porch in the East Wing and our guests have an ash tray there for their smoking enjoyment and or pleasure.
NOTE: Medical personal, please wash your hands after every smoke. Washing hands is a requirement and policy any ways. It's called Universal Precautions.
I've said enough. I'll say no more.
p.s. Just know I am going to tell it to your face in my face to please wash your really smelly dirty hands.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Hospital Stay Continues
One of the partners of He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs, stopped by for the daily visit. Besides the usuall Q & A's, I shared with doctor the converstion I had with the "House Doctor" night before last night. With his smile that would melt butter, he assured me I'll be discharged when he says and not to worry. My focus has now returned to my health and not weirded out about what my House Doctor said. I believe in my mind and Spirit that House Doctor had the best of intentions for me as a patient. He simply did not know me or my physical and medical history. He is a good and incredable fellow. I am pleased, thankful and am blessed to have had our Paths cross.
The nursing care has continued to be an extraordinary experiance for me here as every Nurse and every Nurse Tech has been outstanding with their treatment and care provided for the improvement of my health and comfort. Each one has treated me as Kinfolk or Relation. Such an honor. I have thanked each one and would like to state again just how thankful I am to have them as my Nurses and Techs. What a fantastic team! As a former manager, I know that it is every managers wishes, hopes, and prayers to have teams such as these I have been blessed with. Thankful I am, yes.
I would appreciate to once again acknowledge the Teams that have surrounded me with their care and respect. Transportation associates are so cool and always in proper clean uniform. The Radiology Department is super and quick with whatever exam as been ordered. The humour was bonus free medicine. So truly an asset to this fine hospital. The Respiratory Department associates are incredable and really care about the breath of their patients. In my case, me and my breathing...
...via a brief in house investigation, I have learned that the food is in fact prepared here in the Dietary Department. Yes, I have eatten Crow. Maybe the critique was harsh but the truth remains to be true. The food does not equal nor represent this fantastic hospital's direction as the "go to" hospital. There's something in my heart and mind that is at ease about the knowing that the food stuffs are prepared and touched by associates of this department for we the patients. And look, I realize there's no food like the food prepared by my bride and daughter...
...there really is no place like home and home cooked meals. So I sit here click, click, clicking these size 12 Ruby Red shoes saying, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home".
I still own what I have shared about the Dietary Supervisor and two Unit Clerks who displayed total disrespect to me. The Dietary Supervisor "shoulding" me with his bitter means of communicating with a fellow human being - patient. I am not a patient in here because I want to be in hospital. We as patients are in this hospital because our doctors felt it the right thing to do and the correct place for me/us to be. We're all human spirits here to get back into a healthier state of health and being. There is not an excuse for this lack of respect in any company's book that say's associates are permitted to speak out of sorts and or be rude to the customer - in this situation patient. I suggest that these fellow human beings recieve a follow up or an inservice review on how to communicate with folks. This hospital is too grand of an establishment to have a mighty small minority of associates blemish what is being created by this new ownership and management.
I have engaged my Crystal Ball and am able to see my being discharged within the next 24 to 48 hours. I am in a better place, my shoes fit differently and I sure do miss The House Of Seven Windows, my abode and sanctuary. Oh and how I do miss my family, hounds and turtles. I miss sitting with and laying next to my wife. I miss my computer too...
I wish to thank all of my family and friends, my Relations for their prayers, visits, telegrams, calls and e-mail. All such splendid free medicine. I thank you, Old Kindred Spirit for your gift of words in a new dictionary. Am eager to begin reading it very soon. It will in fact become my replacement dictionary.
So look, I'm beginning to feel I should lie down a spell as dizziness from the Meniere's is beginning to create an unpleasent atmosphere. I'll take a time out for a spell and I'll alway's know...
..."There's no place like home, there's no place like home". Toto were not in Kansas anymore Honey. Wait, Toto, did you just make this mess in my room again?! Keep this up and I'll let them flying monkey'stake your furry ass to you know who!
Blessed I am. Yes.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
The nursing care has continued to be an extraordinary experiance for me here as every Nurse and every Nurse Tech has been outstanding with their treatment and care provided for the improvement of my health and comfort. Each one has treated me as Kinfolk or Relation. Such an honor. I have thanked each one and would like to state again just how thankful I am to have them as my Nurses and Techs. What a fantastic team! As a former manager, I know that it is every managers wishes, hopes, and prayers to have teams such as these I have been blessed with. Thankful I am, yes.
I would appreciate to once again acknowledge the Teams that have surrounded me with their care and respect. Transportation associates are so cool and always in proper clean uniform. The Radiology Department is super and quick with whatever exam as been ordered. The humour was bonus free medicine. So truly an asset to this fine hospital. The Respiratory Department associates are incredable and really care about the breath of their patients. In my case, me and my breathing...
...via a brief in house investigation, I have learned that the food is in fact prepared here in the Dietary Department. Yes, I have eatten Crow. Maybe the critique was harsh but the truth remains to be true. The food does not equal nor represent this fantastic hospital's direction as the "go to" hospital. There's something in my heart and mind that is at ease about the knowing that the food stuffs are prepared and touched by associates of this department for we the patients. And look, I realize there's no food like the food prepared by my bride and daughter...
...there really is no place like home and home cooked meals. So I sit here click, click, clicking these size 12 Ruby Red shoes saying, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home".
I still own what I have shared about the Dietary Supervisor and two Unit Clerks who displayed total disrespect to me. The Dietary Supervisor "shoulding" me with his bitter means of communicating with a fellow human being - patient. I am not a patient in here because I want to be in hospital. We as patients are in this hospital because our doctors felt it the right thing to do and the correct place for me/us to be. We're all human spirits here to get back into a healthier state of health and being. There is not an excuse for this lack of respect in any company's book that say's associates are permitted to speak out of sorts and or be rude to the customer - in this situation patient. I suggest that these fellow human beings recieve a follow up or an inservice review on how to communicate with folks. This hospital is too grand of an establishment to have a mighty small minority of associates blemish what is being created by this new ownership and management.
I have engaged my Crystal Ball and am able to see my being discharged within the next 24 to 48 hours. I am in a better place, my shoes fit differently and I sure do miss The House Of Seven Windows, my abode and sanctuary. Oh and how I do miss my family, hounds and turtles. I miss sitting with and laying next to my wife. I miss my computer too...
I wish to thank all of my family and friends, my Relations for their prayers, visits, telegrams, calls and e-mail. All such splendid free medicine. I thank you, Old Kindred Spirit for your gift of words in a new dictionary. Am eager to begin reading it very soon. It will in fact become my replacement dictionary.
So look, I'm beginning to feel I should lie down a spell as dizziness from the Meniere's is beginning to create an unpleasent atmosphere. I'll take a time out for a spell and I'll alway's know...
..."There's no place like home, there's no place like home". Toto were not in Kansas anymore Honey. Wait, Toto, did you just make this mess in my room again?! Keep this up and I'll let them flying monkey'stake your furry ass to you know who!
Blessed I am. Yes.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The Experiances Of This Hospital Admission
Was admitted on Thursday, 13 October 2011. With diagnosis' of water in the lungs, bronchits, pluracy, sinus infection and asthma. Due to certain medications I am taking in hospital my sugar levels have taken flight. So for the time being I am having to have insulin injections. I hate this with every ounce of my being, but do understand it is neccssary. It's just one of those things that is tough for me to wrap about this globe of mine. In my way of thinking, it does not make sence to make a person sicker than the person is already. The unfortunate business of being ill? Yes. No. Maybe so. I don't know. That's why I trust my doctors. They do all and whatever it takes to get me heathy and feeling better. I am still dealing with the the horrible pains in my lungs, chest and ribs. My left eye orb still feels as if it is going to pop out when I cough, which has eased up a piece due to one or two of the dozens of medications I swallow, am injected with or recieve via PICC line also known as a catheter inserted directly into the vein.
There is a slight chance I may be discharged earlier than expected according to the "house" doctor. One who does not know me or my physical history. I am thinking when my doctor comes by in the morning we will have a face to face. My doctor seems to think a few days, this house doctor says tomorrow or Sunday. Poor thing has lost his mind and please somebody bless his heart. If this is his way of offering hope to one who is sick and has suffered with this respiratory and sinus rubbish for far too many weeks, just may need to take a night course or two on communicating realistic hope to his patients. I suspect there just may be an issue or two or three. Bless his house doctor heart, because I will communicate in a proper yet assertive fashion that he just doesn't know that I will be discharged when MY doctor reports and my entire body feels much better than it has or does at this very moment. Hell, it was just this afternoon these folks inserted a PICC line into my mid arm that reaches well into my chest cavity, just a wee bit this side of my heart. I think of the monies involved with this admission. Our money, our insurance company's money and this hospitals money. By the way, my dear house doctor has ordered a CT Scan of my sinus' for the morrow. Just does not sound like my doctors and the concern they have for me and the betterment of my, "The State of Health", address. I'll cross this bridge when I get to it I reckon.
Oh, and please don't mistake my talk and words for anything other than my desire and passion to feel and be healthier than I am or have been in just too long a time. Yes, I would prefer to be in my home and in my safe place. Rest and sleep next to my Bride in our bed. To eat her home cooked meals. She shares with me my hound Ting-Ting is searching for me high and low. This so touches my Spirit's. Damn how I love my dear Ting-Ting.
,It's simply that my body, mind and Spirit's believe a discharge in the morrow or Sunday is plainly a premature discharge.
This hospital's food is probably the worst hospital food I've ever put in my mouth. Unfortunatly, I have been a patient in just about every hospital in all of Tampa and have had food major percentages better than this slop. Hell, I had better C-Rations while in the U.S. Army than these dreadful vittles being served in a really top notch hospital. I have a gut sense that this food is prepared else where, then brought in ready to heat and serve containers...
...pardon my digression. I am in no way eager to be discharged - just to be re-admitted sometime in a week or few. Provide me the opportunity to get to feeling much better doctor. Please, just give me some time to heal. Please. Then, my walker and I will skip-to-my-lou, my happy back side right the mess out of here.
My daughter Sheena, provided her Dad the chance to borrow this lovely yet VERY FRUSTRATING lap top. I mean, I am glad and thankful, but damn, I think I would much rather tip-tap on our PC at home. I think this one was manufactured with smaller fingered folks in mind. And, and I don't exactly have fingers that look like egg rolls neither, but damn it if their just too big for this particular lap top. Have put it to good use for sure. Listening to Sam's i-tunes at this moment - which is so cool because
I am not a television type of person. Especially, while in hospital! Soaps, story's and twelve dozen Judge So-and-So shows. Oh yes, my sister Face's favorite television show, The Jerry Springer Show. I can say this because I know she is a former guest of said show. I am silently laughing out loud. Listening to Sam's i-tunes tells a Dad, he has been an influnce in what his daughter listens to. We have so much in common. So cool.
The Nursing Staff has been outstanding and are providing me such qualty, sincere and empathitic care. There are the nurses that need to be recognized for their compassion and TLC given so freely. I have taken the time to write up a couple/few letters of thanks and have passed them on to Nurse Management.
The transportation folks are polite and get patients to and from different testing sites swiftly and safely. The folks in radiology were fantastic and I am thinking they just might be doing "open mike nights" at the Improve down town. Funny as hell! Yet very polite, professional and quite exceptional folks. The Dietary Staff are very polite and curtious. It's my belief the service does not match the product provided to the patients. It's weird. It's as if 2 + 2 does not = 4 here. Not with that gap in product and service rendered. House Keeping does an excellent job keeping the rooms and corridors clean and free of clutter and offending smells. The respiratory staff have been extraordinary and have provided me with the oxygen and breathing treatments that have assisted me with breathing.
I thank Great Spirit for having me cross the paths of so many brilliant Health Care Professionals. I have been blessed. These Folks are super and make an excellent team. And really do give a damn for their patients. Blessed indeed.
I am compelled to share that with any more cuts by this new ownership, this just may be my last visit here as a patient. It's not yet too visable, but it was and is what I overheard that concerns me...
...not only for we the patients, but for these fantastic Folks working here. I wish them much success so that maybe what is seen and overheard reflects one in the same.
I fell from my bed as I lost balance while attempting to grab pen and paper. My walker went that way, my bedside table went bang against my skull and went that way, my left butt cheek is sore as is where I hit my head. My left knee is brusied in a couple of places and my right shoulder troubles me. My right ankle got caught under the bed rail that probably should have been in the raised position and is sore. I cried to a sob out of embarrassment. Yes, it was a meniere's thing as I really just suddenly lost my coordination and balance and yes, I have had issues with meniere's symptoms. Just don't want to speak of them right now.
Please pardon me should I have misspelled words. I don't know how to work the spell check on this bloody thing. No dictionary and rather near two dozen medications flowing through my body. To include a rather harsh pain relief injectable. Oh, and there are just too many pretty colored pills.
Relations, it is my purpose to work on becoming a healthier and safer person. I hate falls and falling. It never gets any easier. Don't think it ever will...
Love, peace and more peace, Mario and my pony John Wayne
There is a slight chance I may be discharged earlier than expected according to the "house" doctor. One who does not know me or my physical history. I am thinking when my doctor comes by in the morning we will have a face to face. My doctor seems to think a few days, this house doctor says tomorrow or Sunday. Poor thing has lost his mind and please somebody bless his heart. If this is his way of offering hope to one who is sick and has suffered with this respiratory and sinus rubbish for far too many weeks, just may need to take a night course or two on communicating realistic hope to his patients. I suspect there just may be an issue or two or three. Bless his house doctor heart, because I will communicate in a proper yet assertive fashion that he just doesn't know that I will be discharged when MY doctor reports and my entire body feels much better than it has or does at this very moment. Hell, it was just this afternoon these folks inserted a PICC line into my mid arm that reaches well into my chest cavity, just a wee bit this side of my heart. I think of the monies involved with this admission. Our money, our insurance company's money and this hospitals money. By the way, my dear house doctor has ordered a CT Scan of my sinus' for the morrow. Just does not sound like my doctors and the concern they have for me and the betterment of my, "The State of Health", address. I'll cross this bridge when I get to it I reckon.
Oh, and please don't mistake my talk and words for anything other than my desire and passion to feel and be healthier than I am or have been in just too long a time. Yes, I would prefer to be in my home and in my safe place. Rest and sleep next to my Bride in our bed. To eat her home cooked meals. She shares with me my hound Ting-Ting is searching for me high and low. This so touches my Spirit's. Damn how I love my dear Ting-Ting.
,It's simply that my body, mind and Spirit's believe a discharge in the morrow or Sunday is plainly a premature discharge.
This hospital's food is probably the worst hospital food I've ever put in my mouth. Unfortunatly, I have been a patient in just about every hospital in all of Tampa and have had food major percentages better than this slop. Hell, I had better C-Rations while in the U.S. Army than these dreadful vittles being served in a really top notch hospital. I have a gut sense that this food is prepared else where, then brought in ready to heat and serve containers...
...pardon my digression. I am in no way eager to be discharged - just to be re-admitted sometime in a week or few. Provide me the opportunity to get to feeling much better doctor. Please, just give me some time to heal. Please. Then, my walker and I will skip-to-my-lou, my happy back side right the mess out of here.
My daughter Sheena, provided her Dad the chance to borrow this lovely yet VERY FRUSTRATING lap top. I mean, I am glad and thankful, but damn, I think I would much rather tip-tap on our PC at home. I think this one was manufactured with smaller fingered folks in mind. And, and I don't exactly have fingers that look like egg rolls neither, but damn it if their just too big for this particular lap top. Have put it to good use for sure. Listening to Sam's i-tunes at this moment - which is so cool because
I am not a television type of person. Especially, while in hospital! Soaps, story's and twelve dozen Judge So-and-So shows. Oh yes, my sister Face's favorite television show, The Jerry Springer Show. I can say this because I know she is a former guest of said show. I am silently laughing out loud. Listening to Sam's i-tunes tells a Dad, he has been an influnce in what his daughter listens to. We have so much in common. So cool.
The Nursing Staff has been outstanding and are providing me such qualty, sincere and empathitic care. There are the nurses that need to be recognized for their compassion and TLC given so freely. I have taken the time to write up a couple/few letters of thanks and have passed them on to Nurse Management.
The transportation folks are polite and get patients to and from different testing sites swiftly and safely. The folks in radiology were fantastic and I am thinking they just might be doing "open mike nights" at the Improve down town. Funny as hell! Yet very polite, professional and quite exceptional folks. The Dietary Staff are very polite and curtious. It's my belief the service does not match the product provided to the patients. It's weird. It's as if 2 + 2 does not = 4 here. Not with that gap in product and service rendered. House Keeping does an excellent job keeping the rooms and corridors clean and free of clutter and offending smells. The respiratory staff have been extraordinary and have provided me with the oxygen and breathing treatments that have assisted me with breathing.
I thank Great Spirit for having me cross the paths of so many brilliant Health Care Professionals. I have been blessed. These Folks are super and make an excellent team. And really do give a damn for their patients. Blessed indeed.
I am compelled to share that with any more cuts by this new ownership, this just may be my last visit here as a patient. It's not yet too visable, but it was and is what I overheard that concerns me...
...not only for we the patients, but for these fantastic Folks working here. I wish them much success so that maybe what is seen and overheard reflects one in the same.
I fell from my bed as I lost balance while attempting to grab pen and paper. My walker went that way, my bedside table went bang against my skull and went that way, my left butt cheek is sore as is where I hit my head. My left knee is brusied in a couple of places and my right shoulder troubles me. My right ankle got caught under the bed rail that probably should have been in the raised position and is sore. I cried to a sob out of embarrassment. Yes, it was a meniere's thing as I really just suddenly lost my coordination and balance and yes, I have had issues with meniere's symptoms. Just don't want to speak of them right now.
Please pardon me should I have misspelled words. I don't know how to work the spell check on this bloody thing. No dictionary and rather near two dozen medications flowing through my body. To include a rather harsh pain relief injectable. Oh, and there are just too many pretty colored pills.
Relations, it is my purpose to work on becoming a healthier and safer person. I hate falls and falling. It never gets any easier. Don't think it ever will...
Love, peace and more peace, Mario and my pony John Wayne
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Admitted To Hospital
Relations, I am off to Hospital. The one formerly known as UCH of Carrollwood. I am not knowing the new name, but it's same hospital.
Don't know how long I am to be in there. So there will be no activity until I am discharged. I am stressed about that already. I do in fact "love" my Blogg, My Path.
You all, just be fierce...
peace and love,
Mario
p.s. I suspect blood coming from lungs was the last straw.
Don't know how long I am to be in there. So there will be no activity until I am discharged. I am stressed about that already. I do in fact "love" my Blogg, My Path.
You all, just be fierce...
peace and love,
Mario
p.s. I suspect blood coming from lungs was the last straw.
Appointment with He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs
Real quick like, I wanted to share that in a short time I will be visiting with Dr. Mandaliya. He is the one I spoke of yesterday with respect to my pulmonary complications. He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs.
Oddly enough, today I have been coughing up blood along with whatever else has been dwelling in my lungs. Everything remains the same as far as the other symptoms I've had for quite a few weeks now. It is just absolutly nessecary that Doc and I, have a face-to-face. Today.
Yes, his office slipped between the cracks with "them" cancelling my appointment a couple/three weeks ago. And Bless She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor, she has done her best and let me know this heart to heart last week. There simply was nothing more she could do other than prescribe the medications to help me get better. Which just hasn't worked out like that.
If it would not be rude or disrespectful, I would say that "She", is more like She-Who-Is-A-Hot-Doctor...
...lovely, embraces that grey line. It does not cross it like I think "Hot" would or could. Just being honest. Just being honest. She is Hawwwt. No lie's and I say no more.
I suspect there will be test's to be done and perhaps an X-ray or two. My Crystal Ball mentions percentages are high He may place me in hospital. Please no. With the way I am feeling, I'm just not in the mood. But in compliance with what I shared on the yesterday, this is a motivated gesture on My Path to a healthier me.
P.S. By the way, NO, there is not enough blood in my sputum to satisfy my desire to bleed. Please, and you all know the same applies to my daily prickings of my finger's. Blood yes, unsatisfactory results. That's all.
Oddly enough, today I have been coughing up blood along with whatever else has been dwelling in my lungs. Everything remains the same as far as the other symptoms I've had for quite a few weeks now. It is just absolutly nessecary that Doc and I, have a face-to-face. Today.
Yes, his office slipped between the cracks with "them" cancelling my appointment a couple/three weeks ago. And Bless She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor, she has done her best and let me know this heart to heart last week. There simply was nothing more she could do other than prescribe the medications to help me get better. Which just hasn't worked out like that.
If it would not be rude or disrespectful, I would say that "She", is more like She-Who-Is-A-Hot-Doctor...
...lovely, embraces that grey line. It does not cross it like I think "Hot" would or could. Just being honest. Just being honest. She is Hawwwt. No lie's and I say no more.
I suspect there will be test's to be done and perhaps an X-ray or two. My Crystal Ball mentions percentages are high He may place me in hospital. Please no. With the way I am feeling, I'm just not in the mood. But in compliance with what I shared on the yesterday, this is a motivated gesture on My Path to a healthier me.
P.S. By the way, NO, there is not enough blood in my sputum to satisfy my desire to bleed. Please, and you all know the same applies to my daily prickings of my finger's. Blood yes, unsatisfactory results. That's all.
Janie's Got A Gun, Everything's Gonna Be Alright
During my recovery from incest and sexual abuse, Janie's Got A Gun, by one of my all time favorite groups Aerosmith, had a super video and the song, Janie's Got A Gun. Within seconds of hearing it for the first time it became an anthem for my alters and I. Another song that was a powerful anthem was Everything's Gonna Be Alright, by Naughty By Nature. I remember taking the long way home after group listening to this tune loudly and screaming as loud as I could.
As a child, teen, and young adult I held and had in my hand's three different hand guns. No, I don't know specifics as to whether they were .22's or .38's. For a boy pissed at the world and his perpetrators it really didn't matter, I was holding a weapon that I was hoping and so thinking about using.
I have had many a contemplations on the "what if's" with respect to these weapons. Where would I be? What would have happened to me? I would have been found innocent because I was an innocent, who was forced upon a sexual way of life way to young in my life. Was taught the do's and don'ts of male on male sexual abuse. Taught male on male sex! Taught? Taught?
One of the hand guns, I stole from my dear Abuela Mary. That was the first gun in my hands. My poor Grandmother was horrified and she knew the bee line pointed to me. My family and I lived immediately across the street from her here in Tampa, so she walked across, walked into my room where I was reading and asked for it. Just like that. No screaming - no drama, but I think that was the first time I made my Abuela cry. It haunts me to this day that she cried. She wrapped it in one of her scraves, put it in her purse, gave me a kiss and made me promise I would never do it again. I promised. At the time, I was younger than ten years of age. She never ever told anybody...
...it did not become a topic of conversation until a year or so ago. She really never fuckin' told...
...the purpose of stealing the gun was to use it. Either on one of the perpetrator's, all of who lived with-in 200 steps from my front door, or myself. I repeat, there were three of my perpetrators ALL with-in a 200 foot distance of my bedroom. If not for my Abuela Mary's swift notice and observastion it would have been used. I knew I was going to shoot somebody that evening.
Oh yes, remember I shared how my Uncle Chester and Cousin Joe, taught me how to shoot a rifle as a pre-teen. I was a quick learner for sure. Yes, while practicing and shooting, there were faces on whatever it was we were using for target practice...
...that too is a weapon.
The second hand gun I held in my hands belonged to one of the perpetrators I wrote of a few months ago. He had given it me after I had done "favors" for him in his parents house. He taught me shit little boy's DON'T need to know. Thinking of this, he is the one I have called, He-Who-Made-Me-Hate-Baseball, because he was one, my father gave permission to take me to baseball practice and games...
...my perpetrator attended more games than my father, but there was a fee and tax for this transportation and attendance. Rapes and forced oral sex. Every practice - every game he attended were followed by the abuse. The MacFarlane Park is still there. Still straight across the baseball diamonds I played on and the very spot I was abused is still there under the same big old Oak Trees. Every so often, due to the routes of traffic to and from doctors or stores - we/I still have to pass by there. I can still remember the sight's and sounds sitting there in his car. Still remeber the scents of his cheap after shave and I can smell the baby powder on his junk.
The gun was a small one so it actually may have been a .22. His brother, one of the three perpetrators got home before I could get it to my house. Which if I had ran with it would have been less than 200 steps. I had the opportunity to "kill two birds with one stone" that day...
...the gun was loaded and it felt good in my hands. I had the pictures in my head moving at the speed of sound. I had the notion to shoot first He, and when when his brother got home I really felt my heart race. I HAD THE GUN AND THESE FUCKERS were defenseless. I saw the fear in the older one's eyes and the nervousness in perpetrator number two. I let them talk me into giving it back to them. When I did I handed it over barrel first. I knew what I was doing. Just what if?
The third time I held a gun in my hands was when I was in my early twenties. A neighbor-dash-friend, had given me a hand gun for protection. I was hanging with an element of our society that during the early 1980's was illeagl but damn it if I wasn't having some crazy irresponsible fun...
...anyway's, Frank lived across the street from Brenda and I, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Dude rode a motor bike and was a mean and tough sort if you were not in his circle. I may have had that weapon for two or three days. I remember I held it to my two temple's too many times and also pointed, resting the barrel in the direction of my penis. Touching the end of the barrel to my junk. Hell yes, it was a loaded weapon. I gave it back to Frank because I saw which direction I was headed. Quickly.
While in the U.S. Army, I held an M-16 and an M-60. I knew my M-16 and loved him sweetly. The M-60 was a monster and I mastered it. Oh yes, gernades. With this weapon, I was an Expert. Damn, I loved throwing them! I may have said once before, I threw it like a baseball. What a damn arm! If anything would have happened in the military it would have been while living in Germany where I was assaulted by the higher ranking NCO...
...BUT! Nothing ever happened! I never pulled the trigger when the weapon was pointed at a human...a perpetrator or even then, myself.
Myself?
I thank you Great Spirit, for sending your Angels to keep my trigger finger at ease and keep me from pulling it. You know my mind wasn't and hasn't been at ease for probably most my life...
...I know this is why I want to see me bleed.
I'm tired ya'll. I remember thinking I would be better off dead. Today, I WANT to live. I am not afraid of death or dieing, it's just not something I'm going to expedite...
...My Path, is paved differently and I'm headed in a direction that will assist me in being a healthier and more motivated Man.
Even with the all of this that has been said and shared, I want to bleed.
Bleed and smell the iron in my blood.
Everything's Gonna Be Alright...
p.s. Relations, please, please do not judge me and please don't hold my honesty against me. This is a snap shot of me and some of my life. This isn't cool and no, I'm not going to ask "why me". All I ask is that I not be judged.
That's all.
As a child, teen, and young adult I held and had in my hand's three different hand guns. No, I don't know specifics as to whether they were .22's or .38's. For a boy pissed at the world and his perpetrators it really didn't matter, I was holding a weapon that I was hoping and so thinking about using.
I have had many a contemplations on the "what if's" with respect to these weapons. Where would I be? What would have happened to me? I would have been found innocent because I was an innocent, who was forced upon a sexual way of life way to young in my life. Was taught the do's and don'ts of male on male sexual abuse. Taught male on male sex! Taught? Taught?
One of the hand guns, I stole from my dear Abuela Mary. That was the first gun in my hands. My poor Grandmother was horrified and she knew the bee line pointed to me. My family and I lived immediately across the street from her here in Tampa, so she walked across, walked into my room where I was reading and asked for it. Just like that. No screaming - no drama, but I think that was the first time I made my Abuela cry. It haunts me to this day that she cried. She wrapped it in one of her scraves, put it in her purse, gave me a kiss and made me promise I would never do it again. I promised. At the time, I was younger than ten years of age. She never ever told anybody...
...it did not become a topic of conversation until a year or so ago. She really never fuckin' told...
...the purpose of stealing the gun was to use it. Either on one of the perpetrator's, all of who lived with-in 200 steps from my front door, or myself. I repeat, there were three of my perpetrators ALL with-in a 200 foot distance of my bedroom. If not for my Abuela Mary's swift notice and observastion it would have been used. I knew I was going to shoot somebody that evening.
Oh yes, remember I shared how my Uncle Chester and Cousin Joe, taught me how to shoot a rifle as a pre-teen. I was a quick learner for sure. Yes, while practicing and shooting, there were faces on whatever it was we were using for target practice...
...that too is a weapon.
The second hand gun I held in my hands belonged to one of the perpetrators I wrote of a few months ago. He had given it me after I had done "favors" for him in his parents house. He taught me shit little boy's DON'T need to know. Thinking of this, he is the one I have called, He-Who-Made-Me-Hate-Baseball, because he was one, my father gave permission to take me to baseball practice and games...
...my perpetrator attended more games than my father, but there was a fee and tax for this transportation and attendance. Rapes and forced oral sex. Every practice - every game he attended were followed by the abuse. The MacFarlane Park is still there. Still straight across the baseball diamonds I played on and the very spot I was abused is still there under the same big old Oak Trees. Every so often, due to the routes of traffic to and from doctors or stores - we/I still have to pass by there. I can still remember the sight's and sounds sitting there in his car. Still remeber the scents of his cheap after shave and I can smell the baby powder on his junk.
The gun was a small one so it actually may have been a .22. His brother, one of the three perpetrators got home before I could get it to my house. Which if I had ran with it would have been less than 200 steps. I had the opportunity to "kill two birds with one stone" that day...
...the gun was loaded and it felt good in my hands. I had the pictures in my head moving at the speed of sound. I had the notion to shoot first He, and when when his brother got home I really felt my heart race. I HAD THE GUN AND THESE FUCKERS were defenseless. I saw the fear in the older one's eyes and the nervousness in perpetrator number two. I let them talk me into giving it back to them. When I did I handed it over barrel first. I knew what I was doing. Just what if?
The third time I held a gun in my hands was when I was in my early twenties. A neighbor-dash-friend, had given me a hand gun for protection. I was hanging with an element of our society that during the early 1980's was illeagl but damn it if I wasn't having some crazy irresponsible fun...
...anyway's, Frank lived across the street from Brenda and I, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Dude rode a motor bike and was a mean and tough sort if you were not in his circle. I may have had that weapon for two or three days. I remember I held it to my two temple's too many times and also pointed, resting the barrel in the direction of my penis. Touching the end of the barrel to my junk. Hell yes, it was a loaded weapon. I gave it back to Frank because I saw which direction I was headed. Quickly.
While in the U.S. Army, I held an M-16 and an M-60. I knew my M-16 and loved him sweetly. The M-60 was a monster and I mastered it. Oh yes, gernades. With this weapon, I was an Expert. Damn, I loved throwing them! I may have said once before, I threw it like a baseball. What a damn arm! If anything would have happened in the military it would have been while living in Germany where I was assaulted by the higher ranking NCO...
...BUT! Nothing ever happened! I never pulled the trigger when the weapon was pointed at a human...a perpetrator or even then, myself.
Myself?
I thank you Great Spirit, for sending your Angels to keep my trigger finger at ease and keep me from pulling it. You know my mind wasn't and hasn't been at ease for probably most my life...
...I know this is why I want to see me bleed.
I'm tired ya'll. I remember thinking I would be better off dead. Today, I WANT to live. I am not afraid of death or dieing, it's just not something I'm going to expedite...
...My Path, is paved differently and I'm headed in a direction that will assist me in being a healthier and more motivated Man.
Even with the all of this that has been said and shared, I want to bleed.
Bleed and smell the iron in my blood.
Everything's Gonna Be Alright...
p.s. Relations, please, please do not judge me and please don't hold my honesty against me. This is a snap shot of me and some of my life. This isn't cool and no, I'm not going to ask "why me". All I ask is that I not be judged.
That's all.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Meniere's, Pulmonary, Neurologist, A Urologist & Me?
Have been home a couple/few hours or so. Did change into something comfy and opened "The Office". It became a necessity as it all came tumbling down at doctor's clinic. I just could no longer carry the anguish in my Center and definitely felt the thump in my heart silently screaming at me that the time is NOW to take care of myself, Dude! I cried so much that the sobs carried a sound. No more please. This afternoon, it was the connection between doctor and patient/brother that I felt so deeply and realized, there simply is no more time to waste! With respect to my health and the issues of health that live with-in me. It was reality telling me to open "The Office". I must take action now or may not have this chance again!
In the morrow, I shall visit with Dr. Mandaliya, who is my Pulmonary-Critical Care Physician. Having gained the new diagnosis of COPD, with the issues I've had with the asthma and the pains in my lungs and ribs, with the coughing and all that is involved with respiratory is very unpleasent AND, has gone well beyond my primary. She gave it her best shot. Pun intended. Even He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, spoke with me about my pulmonary doctor...
...In my lungs and in my mind, the time has come...
...have called and scheduled an appointment with my neurologist, Dr. Steen. All points on the compass kept coming back to She-Who-Intimidates-Me, so in all reality, there is no debating this anymore. I know there are issues that go far and beyond what it is my primary and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain do as the trusted and beloved physician's of mine. God knows I love them. It took me too damned long to hear them. Maybe I would listen to their words, but I kept ignoring what my body was screaming at me about.
Finally, I called and coordinated an appointment with a Urology specialist. "His" name is Dr. Branch and "he" practices in same building as another physician I visit...
...yes, I said, "His", because I don't feel the whole "Her" or "She", thing when it comes to a doctor picking and probing in places that are like, my junk. Ummm, please feel me on this one, okay? Really, I have procrastinated far too many damned years on this matter. I mean the type of issues I have lived with, I think I'll wait and speak with "Him" about this first. I'm so damned embarrassed about this I'm blushing about it while tapping on this keyboard...but really, I wouldn't want any "her" of any persuasion playing back over and all up in there.
Say no more - say no more...
The moves have been busted. Now I follow through and take the responsibilty of keeping every appointment scheduled today.
Speaking of appointments/gatherings, my visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, went well, I can't find a word to express what it is that I heard and listened to, but it went something like this, the Right-Good-Bad-Ear, has the full blown Meniere's Disease. The bad hearing days will continue to occur. The falls will happen as they happen. I'll continue to have the Meniere's attacks as they take place and I'll continue to take the medication I am prescribed to eat. Issues worsen but we are hog-tied - there's just simply nothing more we can do...
...oh well, what can you do when you live in a shoe? I love to give mine the good ole Army spit shine. I do. My Doc Martins are fab.
You all do me a huge favor okay? Just be fierce...
...Busting a move. Peace and love and a whole bunch of XXX's and OOO"s!
Mario
In the morrow, I shall visit with Dr. Mandaliya, who is my Pulmonary-Critical Care Physician. Having gained the new diagnosis of COPD, with the issues I've had with the asthma and the pains in my lungs and ribs, with the coughing and all that is involved with respiratory is very unpleasent AND, has gone well beyond my primary. She gave it her best shot. Pun intended. Even He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, spoke with me about my pulmonary doctor...
...In my lungs and in my mind, the time has come...
...have called and scheduled an appointment with my neurologist, Dr. Steen. All points on the compass kept coming back to She-Who-Intimidates-Me, so in all reality, there is no debating this anymore. I know there are issues that go far and beyond what it is my primary and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain do as the trusted and beloved physician's of mine. God knows I love them. It took me too damned long to hear them. Maybe I would listen to their words, but I kept ignoring what my body was screaming at me about.
Finally, I called and coordinated an appointment with a Urology specialist. "His" name is Dr. Branch and "he" practices in same building as another physician I visit...
...yes, I said, "His", because I don't feel the whole "Her" or "She", thing when it comes to a doctor picking and probing in places that are like, my junk. Ummm, please feel me on this one, okay? Really, I have procrastinated far too many damned years on this matter. I mean the type of issues I have lived with, I think I'll wait and speak with "Him" about this first. I'm so damned embarrassed about this I'm blushing about it while tapping on this keyboard...but really, I wouldn't want any "her" of any persuasion playing back over and all up in there.
Say no more - say no more...
The moves have been busted. Now I follow through and take the responsibilty of keeping every appointment scheduled today.
Speaking of appointments/gatherings, my visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, went well, I can't find a word to express what it is that I heard and listened to, but it went something like this, the Right-Good-Bad-Ear, has the full blown Meniere's Disease. The bad hearing days will continue to occur. The falls will happen as they happen. I'll continue to have the Meniere's attacks as they take place and I'll continue to take the medication I am prescribed to eat. Issues worsen but we are hog-tied - there's just simply nothing more we can do...
...oh well, what can you do when you live in a shoe? I love to give mine the good ole Army spit shine. I do. My Doc Martins are fab.
You all do me a huge favor okay? Just be fierce...
...Busting a move. Peace and love and a whole bunch of XXX's and OOO"s!
Mario
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, Aunt Helen and Non-Violence
Good Morning Relations,
Wanted to write a fast little note...
Will be going to visit He-Who-Touched-My-Brain this morning. I expect my In-Laws to arrive at amy minute. They enjoy taking me to and from his clinic. They too appreciate getting out of their house, so when it comes to seeing my good Doctor Danner, they're locked in for the transport piece.
It is my hope to get some resolution on this illness that has followed me for the past several weeks. It's just really frustrating as hell to be one with Meniere's Disease and have this compounded with a wheel barrel full of shitty illness's. I mean, really.
Wanted to let everyone one know that our latest guest, Aunt Helen the turtle is doing very well and is making quite the recovery. To know she was prepared to die because she was land locked drives me mad. I think and have had converstaions with myself and God, "how does a water dwelling baby turtle find her way to my car port?". Well, Great Spirit and I have been unable to come up with logical explanations...
...it was just meant to be. And thank you Great One, for yet another gift of love. Saying "a gift of love" makes the whole process easier for me as I have always been deathly afraid of this species of turtle. Yes, I know dahling, she's but a baby turtle, BUT I have seen what elder turtles of this species turn into and have seen the damage one just might could do. I wear latex gloves when I handle Aunt Helen. For now. Slowly, I have learned to love her. After all, Aunt Helen is a wonderful gift from the God and even then, what was I to do, leave her there on the hot Florida pavement. Naw Boo...
OH SHIT! Real quick...
...I had this jackass/donkey/mule ask me recently, "So Mario, how does it feel to be retired?". I at first wanted to knock the snot/boogers/shit out of this person - but since I am a non-violent person, I explained to this person that I am not retired. I am a Disabled individual who would love to conduct some sort of business and or work. Ewwwwwww, I might've gnashed my teeth's enamal away over this butt head. Retired? Really? I'm fifty one years of age, you bleeding ass wipe and would prefer to do what I have done damn near all my days here on Mother Earth. Work a job or two. A tax paying citizen since twelve - prior to that I was paid under the table or traded or did my own shit, like wash cars and mow-the-grass. All of the latter as a little farting kid...
...damn it! Don't even know why I brought that up, but there it is. I have worked most all my life, am fifty-one, walk with the aid of walker or cane, am gimpy, I fall alot and am ill too much and often. Retired. Should've asked, well how the hell does it feel to be such an ugly and ignorant ass hole.
Anyway's, got to go. Will be with my favorite doctor within an hour or so.
Will holla back........
Wanted to write a fast little note...
Will be going to visit He-Who-Touched-My-Brain this morning. I expect my In-Laws to arrive at amy minute. They enjoy taking me to and from his clinic. They too appreciate getting out of their house, so when it comes to seeing my good Doctor Danner, they're locked in for the transport piece.
It is my hope to get some resolution on this illness that has followed me for the past several weeks. It's just really frustrating as hell to be one with Meniere's Disease and have this compounded with a wheel barrel full of shitty illness's. I mean, really.
Wanted to let everyone one know that our latest guest, Aunt Helen the turtle is doing very well and is making quite the recovery. To know she was prepared to die because she was land locked drives me mad. I think and have had converstaions with myself and God, "how does a water dwelling baby turtle find her way to my car port?". Well, Great Spirit and I have been unable to come up with logical explanations...
...it was just meant to be. And thank you Great One, for yet another gift of love. Saying "a gift of love" makes the whole process easier for me as I have always been deathly afraid of this species of turtle. Yes, I know dahling, she's but a baby turtle, BUT I have seen what elder turtles of this species turn into and have seen the damage one just might could do. I wear latex gloves when I handle Aunt Helen. For now. Slowly, I have learned to love her. After all, Aunt Helen is a wonderful gift from the God and even then, what was I to do, leave her there on the hot Florida pavement. Naw Boo...
OH SHIT! Real quick...
...I had this jackass/donkey/mule ask me recently, "So Mario, how does it feel to be retired?". I at first wanted to knock the snot/boogers/shit out of this person - but since I am a non-violent person, I explained to this person that I am not retired. I am a Disabled individual who would love to conduct some sort of business and or work. Ewwwwwww, I might've gnashed my teeth's enamal away over this butt head. Retired? Really? I'm fifty one years of age, you bleeding ass wipe and would prefer to do what I have done damn near all my days here on Mother Earth. Work a job or two. A tax paying citizen since twelve - prior to that I was paid under the table or traded or did my own shit, like wash cars and mow-the-grass. All of the latter as a little farting kid...
...damn it! Don't even know why I brought that up, but there it is. I have worked most all my life, am fifty-one, walk with the aid of walker or cane, am gimpy, I fall alot and am ill too much and often. Retired. Should've asked, well how the hell does it feel to be such an ugly and ignorant ass hole.
Anyway's, got to go. Will be with my favorite doctor within an hour or so.
Will holla back........
Monday, October 10, 2011
Blessings of Turtle and Frog Medicine
Great Spirit, granted our sanctuary a sweet quarter sized turtle back in mid-August - the 18th. My Honorable Daughter Number Two, removed him from our pool for me and named our gift and guest Chester...
...late in the afternoon of yesterday the 10th October 2011, my same duaghter found a just smaller than tea cup saucer, soft shell long noised snapping turtle on our car port. She was afraid the little one was injured and dieing as there was a handful of flys planning it's demise and preparing for "their" next generation. Removed our guest from the carport - so, we now have another resident here next to the preserve...
...I first put Miss. Thang, also known as Aunt Helen, in water and slowly began to softly brush and rinse off the debris. Tonight, Aunt Helen is free of all that yucky stuff, has been fed medicated turtle food, regular turtle food and plenty fresh temped water. She is chilling in the screened-in porch on the East yard. Um, first the name. Aunt Helen, was/is my Mom's sister, who happened to be married to my Uncle Chester...
...Uncle Chester had one leg. Lost it in the Battle of Guada Canal. He had fought many battles in The South Pacific Theater. He was TRUE HERO! What a super Uncle too - Uncle Chester was. Never dis-respected me as a young teen and taught me how to shoot rifle. Him and Aunt Helen, lived deep, deep in the hollers of Tennessee. No lights. No plumbing. Had an out house and the water had to be pumped by hand at the kitchen sink. Aunt Helen knew the grass, plants and fruit's of the woodlands. Uncle Chester and Cousin Joe, hunted from the wilderness. I may have recently shared a story of them, so, I don't want to get all mushy. I've said enough for now.
Now, an interesting thing is and please remember that Miss. Thang, is a different turtle than Chester. She's a long nosed soft shell snapping turtle. Uncle Chester, is a river slider. I may have to google their compatability. Aunt Helen is a bit scary to me Honey.
...um, but really now? No longer two - but I have now been gifted THREE turtle's from The Creator in these past three or so years. I feel in my Spirit's the task of their up-bringing is my duty, and am pleased to be here to assist with their health and happy lives.
Frog, also passed my Path today and since frog was dead and tanned, I decided it best to leave the unfortunate one to God's Will. A friend of my Bride and BFFF, had Dreams with Frog as a guest...
...so a very quick reading from the medicine cards...
Turtle, is Mother Earth and is the oldest symbol for Mother Earth in Indian teachings. Turtle asks us to be mindful of what it is we do to our Earth Mother. Like Turtle, we also have sheids that protect us from hurt, envy, jealousy, and the unconsciousness of others. Turtle is a fine teacher of the art of grounding. Turtle argues a time for connecting with the power of Earth and the Mother-Goddess within.
Frog, is Cleansing. Frog medicine is akin to water energy. May be calling in the cleansing you/I need. I see where I am today and frog tells me that I DO describe myself as tired, overloaded, harried, frustrated, nervous, at a loss, empty and weakened. Time for a break. And an important key is to find a way to rid yourself of distractions and to replace the mud with clear energy.
Enough. Will keep you all up to date on our guests here at the House of Seven Windows....
... Thank You Great Spirit for our newest guest Aunt Helen and Thank You for all blessings...
...late in the afternoon of yesterday the 10th October 2011, my same duaghter found a just smaller than tea cup saucer, soft shell long noised snapping turtle on our car port. She was afraid the little one was injured and dieing as there was a handful of flys planning it's demise and preparing for "their" next generation. Removed our guest from the carport - so, we now have another resident here next to the preserve...
...I first put Miss. Thang, also known as Aunt Helen, in water and slowly began to softly brush and rinse off the debris. Tonight, Aunt Helen is free of all that yucky stuff, has been fed medicated turtle food, regular turtle food and plenty fresh temped water. She is chilling in the screened-in porch on the East yard. Um, first the name. Aunt Helen, was/is my Mom's sister, who happened to be married to my Uncle Chester...
...Uncle Chester had one leg. Lost it in the Battle of Guada Canal. He had fought many battles in The South Pacific Theater. He was TRUE HERO! What a super Uncle too - Uncle Chester was. Never dis-respected me as a young teen and taught me how to shoot rifle. Him and Aunt Helen, lived deep, deep in the hollers of Tennessee. No lights. No plumbing. Had an out house and the water had to be pumped by hand at the kitchen sink. Aunt Helen knew the grass, plants and fruit's of the woodlands. Uncle Chester and Cousin Joe, hunted from the wilderness. I may have recently shared a story of them, so, I don't want to get all mushy. I've said enough for now.
Now, an interesting thing is and please remember that Miss. Thang, is a different turtle than Chester. She's a long nosed soft shell snapping turtle. Uncle Chester, is a river slider. I may have to google their compatability. Aunt Helen is a bit scary to me Honey.
...um, but really now? No longer two - but I have now been gifted THREE turtle's from The Creator in these past three or so years. I feel in my Spirit's the task of their up-bringing is my duty, and am pleased to be here to assist with their health and happy lives.
Frog, also passed my Path today and since frog was dead and tanned, I decided it best to leave the unfortunate one to God's Will. A friend of my Bride and BFFF, had Dreams with Frog as a guest...
...so a very quick reading from the medicine cards...
Turtle, is Mother Earth and is the oldest symbol for Mother Earth in Indian teachings. Turtle asks us to be mindful of what it is we do to our Earth Mother. Like Turtle, we also have sheids that protect us from hurt, envy, jealousy, and the unconsciousness of others. Turtle is a fine teacher of the art of grounding. Turtle argues a time for connecting with the power of Earth and the Mother-Goddess within.
Frog, is Cleansing. Frog medicine is akin to water energy. May be calling in the cleansing you/I need. I see where I am today and frog tells me that I DO describe myself as tired, overloaded, harried, frustrated, nervous, at a loss, empty and weakened. Time for a break. And an important key is to find a way to rid yourself of distractions and to replace the mud with clear energy.
Enough. Will keep you all up to date on our guests here at the House of Seven Windows....
... Thank You Great Spirit for our newest guest Aunt Helen and Thank You for all blessings...
The Crying Games White People Play
Interesting what I read in this morning's press about Hispanics fleeing Alabama. I am One, born in the South East U.S. of A. and proud of it...
...let me share this, the difference between Mexican's and Spanish and Cuban's is the color of their skin. And White Folks, please don't. And if you look REALLY close you'll see Indian in their faces....that's because they are. White Southener's doing the same thing White Southener's have always done. If you look real close you might find some Cuban's Black as their African ancestors.
Alabama! Who's going to pick your veggies and fruit now? Bunch of ignorant ass - backwood ass - white ass, FOOLS!!
Ya-Hey! Sometimes I wonder if folks think I'm one of those reverse racist.
No I am not. I just will drop the truth and speak/write it with a steadfastness. I have seen too much. I have heard to much. I have experianced too much suffering at the hands of "white" folks................................................................
....and why yes, a piece of my Mixed Breed ass is white. I'm good with this - just not good with White People Games. You would think we're still in the Fucking Jim Crow Era...
...we are. And bump Mr. Cain, who did in fact have my support. Until I read a few of his words. Oh yes, he's kissing that ass real good and proper. True, I forgot he has the years of experiance...yes sah, no sah, why, yes Miss. Michelle. I had an eye on him - BUT now I've gone blind.
Wait! Alabama, is the state where one of the White Folks gave me the "big everything has changed and we're not like that here in Alabama, no more and you should not be talking this talk". Hahahaha...that's just plain old pig-ignorant, dense and ill-versed Southerner bullshit. The same to them who wished to debate or mental fence over this topic. Child please. I consider their approach and talk the same as proproganda...these folks watch too much television, yet are blind. Same folks listen to the talk radio - yet have no ears and have nose's yet are unable to smell the stench of their own breath.
No Mas!
...let me share this, the difference between Mexican's and Spanish and Cuban's is the color of their skin. And White Folks, please don't. And if you look REALLY close you'll see Indian in their faces....that's because they are. White Southener's doing the same thing White Southener's have always done. If you look real close you might find some Cuban's Black as their African ancestors.
Alabama! Who's going to pick your veggies and fruit now? Bunch of ignorant ass - backwood ass - white ass, FOOLS!!
Ya-Hey! Sometimes I wonder if folks think I'm one of those reverse racist.
No I am not. I just will drop the truth and speak/write it with a steadfastness. I have seen too much. I have heard to much. I have experianced too much suffering at the hands of "white" folks................................................................
....and why yes, a piece of my Mixed Breed ass is white. I'm good with this - just not good with White People Games. You would think we're still in the Fucking Jim Crow Era...
...we are. And bump Mr. Cain, who did in fact have my support. Until I read a few of his words. Oh yes, he's kissing that ass real good and proper. True, I forgot he has the years of experiance...yes sah, no sah, why, yes Miss. Michelle. I had an eye on him - BUT now I've gone blind.
Wait! Alabama, is the state where one of the White Folks gave me the "big everything has changed and we're not like that here in Alabama, no more and you should not be talking this talk". Hahahaha...that's just plain old pig-ignorant, dense and ill-versed Southerner bullshit. The same to them who wished to debate or mental fence over this topic. Child please. I consider their approach and talk the same as proproganda...these folks watch too much television, yet are blind. Same folks listen to the talk radio - yet have no ears and have nose's yet are unable to smell the stench of their own breath.
No Mas!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Meniere's, Noises and Unpretty
This meniere's has had me by the throat. The nausea has been up and down. Have had the vomit come just up to the apple, just up there enough that I am able to taste it. Gag. Burp. Because I still believe burping helps settle the nausea. What do I know? I do this just because.
Have had the major sweats to the light mistings today. At the moment I am dry. I am thankful.
Dizziness has been a constant companion today. To some degree and at some level I have been dizzy from this morning until this very instant. Ensuring focus and a walk with purpose. The imbalance and coordination piece has been off by percentages and makes these measures absolutely neccessary.
My Left Deaf ear has enough disturbance going on that I am having issues reading and trying to rest tonight. There has been another form of beeping that has come about - it remains steadfast and centered. Not fluctuating or seemingly traveling about my skull. Just the beep-beep-beep of the Rubbish Truck's Driver reversing near my carport. I have also had sharp sudden pains in the inner Deaf Left ear.
My Hard of Hearing right ear is listening to a loud Band of Crickets...so loud are the crickets I am unable to hear any of the other critters that usually occupy the inner right ear. I have had moments of complete silence today and the noises of another realm come through loud and clear. Yes, the plopping continues. I have been experiancing pain in the right ear as well...
...these are things I will discuss with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain later this week. Wednesday the 12th October, morning of.
I am on another anti-sick medication as ordered by my primary and am still feeling ill, worn and pained. The infection in sinus has not gone away and the asthma has been stirred up really bad. The pains remain behind my left eye orb and along the left side of my skull to the back. Am on an inhaled steroid, emergency inhaler, nebulizer, cough syrup, the pretty transparent pearls, along with each and every other damned medication on my list of meds.
NOTE: There has been a new diagnosis applied to my name, that being COPD.
The anti-sad pill is not doing it's job as I have been crying at times to the point of sobs. Over just about the simplest of shit - I will cry. Over serious Life Stuff, I have lost control of emotions.
I have been instructed to arrange a visit with a Urologist due to issues down under...
...have also been instructed to arrange a visit with my Neurologist and my Pulmonary M.D...
...with all of this, it is no wonder I feel so damned unpretty.
I am exhausted from being ill. My mind is exhausted and my body is worn and exhausted.
Tonight, I say no more. With these noises - I will retire for the evening. I must. I simply must, due to the exhaustion and the pain and discomfort from the soles to my skull.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
Have had the major sweats to the light mistings today. At the moment I am dry. I am thankful.
Dizziness has been a constant companion today. To some degree and at some level I have been dizzy from this morning until this very instant. Ensuring focus and a walk with purpose. The imbalance and coordination piece has been off by percentages and makes these measures absolutely neccessary.
My Left Deaf ear has enough disturbance going on that I am having issues reading and trying to rest tonight. There has been another form of beeping that has come about - it remains steadfast and centered. Not fluctuating or seemingly traveling about my skull. Just the beep-beep-beep of the Rubbish Truck's Driver reversing near my carport. I have also had sharp sudden pains in the inner Deaf Left ear.
My Hard of Hearing right ear is listening to a loud Band of Crickets...so loud are the crickets I am unable to hear any of the other critters that usually occupy the inner right ear. I have had moments of complete silence today and the noises of another realm come through loud and clear. Yes, the plopping continues. I have been experiancing pain in the right ear as well...
...these are things I will discuss with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain later this week. Wednesday the 12th October, morning of.
I am on another anti-sick medication as ordered by my primary and am still feeling ill, worn and pained. The infection in sinus has not gone away and the asthma has been stirred up really bad. The pains remain behind my left eye orb and along the left side of my skull to the back. Am on an inhaled steroid, emergency inhaler, nebulizer, cough syrup, the pretty transparent pearls, along with each and every other damned medication on my list of meds.
NOTE: There has been a new diagnosis applied to my name, that being COPD.
The anti-sad pill is not doing it's job as I have been crying at times to the point of sobs. Over just about the simplest of shit - I will cry. Over serious Life Stuff, I have lost control of emotions.
I have been instructed to arrange a visit with a Urologist due to issues down under...
...have also been instructed to arrange a visit with my Neurologist and my Pulmonary M.D...
...with all of this, it is no wonder I feel so damned unpretty.
I am exhausted from being ill. My mind is exhausted and my body is worn and exhausted.
Tonight, I say no more. With these noises - I will retire for the evening. I must. I simply must, due to the exhaustion and the pain and discomfort from the soles to my skull.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
Wonderful Guests, Great Meal & A Good Trade
We had several guests over last evening for an Italian dinner of spaghetti with Italian sausage and meat balls, fresh hot garlic bread and an excellent salad, prepared by my spouse and BFFF, Brenda, and Sheena assisted. Tara and her sweet and beautiful son Ethan, came over with Margaret, Tara'a Mom, Gaia and Brian visited as well and Ana, my sister was here too...
...wonderful guests, fantastic conversations, good laughing out loud and a most excellent and delicious meal! Good times.
Tara and Gaia, have grown with my daughters and really are as if they were my own daughters. Matter of fact, Tara was formerly known as Honorable Daughter number three and Gaia, Honorable Daughter number four. Over the past few years I think the relations have grown so much closer, so they're now known as Honorable Daughter 2.5 and Honorable Daughter Number 2.75, respectfully.
Little Ethan, has become an instant member of our family and I love him as such and I suspect Ethan feels the same as he was very entertained while visiting the Lodge. He was a wee tiny little infant the last we met - he shall soon be refered to as toddler for sure. How he has grown! It's a shame Pierre, Tara's "ole goat" and her "Baby's Daddy", could not be here. He has been quite ill and was hospitalized for several days and was actually prepared for surgery. Fortunatly, no operation, he was in fact discharged from the hospital, but too ill for travel. Bless his French Canadian ass, I sure know how that feels. Look, while I'm here with the talk of these folks, let me share my love and respect for the entire family. I love them as if they bleed same blood. Relations...
Gaia, has been a part of the family for so many years I can't count them right now. She and my Honorable Daughter Number One went to high school and university together. So yes, Gaia, is a daughta-from-anotha-motha. I love her to deaf! Brian, her fiance, has become Relations over the course of time...
...speaking of Brian, the kind gentelman gifted me a book that had belonged to his father while he was in university. The title of the book is "BLOOD, TRIUMPH AND TEARS - WORDS OF THE GREAT INDIAN CHIEFTAINS - INDIAN ORATORY - FAMOUS SPEECHES BY NOTED INDIAN CHIEFTAINS", compiled by W.C. Vanderwerth. A book I had not heard of in all the decades I have read about brother and sister Indians. His father is no longer walking here on Earth Mother, which for me was more than an Honor. This book took a giant leap forward on my Bedside Table and has actually become the book to read now. I'll resume the others as soon as I have completed this one. Thank you Brian. From my Spirit's to your's, thank you.
A book recently purchased book written by Mr. Thomas Paine, became my book to offer to Brian, in the form of a gift of written words for written words. I had been knocked off my ass by his friendly and grand gift and was most delighted and obliged to offer Mr. Paine as a trade...
...a good trade. Indeed.
Thanks to all who visited our Lodge last evening, for I was grateful and so very truly enjoyed myself.
love and peace,
Mario
.........Relations.........
...wonderful guests, fantastic conversations, good laughing out loud and a most excellent and delicious meal! Good times.
Tara and Gaia, have grown with my daughters and really are as if they were my own daughters. Matter of fact, Tara was formerly known as Honorable Daughter number three and Gaia, Honorable Daughter number four. Over the past few years I think the relations have grown so much closer, so they're now known as Honorable Daughter 2.5 and Honorable Daughter Number 2.75, respectfully.
Little Ethan, has become an instant member of our family and I love him as such and I suspect Ethan feels the same as he was very entertained while visiting the Lodge. He was a wee tiny little infant the last we met - he shall soon be refered to as toddler for sure. How he has grown! It's a shame Pierre, Tara's "ole goat" and her "Baby's Daddy", could not be here. He has been quite ill and was hospitalized for several days and was actually prepared for surgery. Fortunatly, no operation, he was in fact discharged from the hospital, but too ill for travel. Bless his French Canadian ass, I sure know how that feels. Look, while I'm here with the talk of these folks, let me share my love and respect for the entire family. I love them as if they bleed same blood. Relations...
Gaia, has been a part of the family for so many years I can't count them right now. She and my Honorable Daughter Number One went to high school and university together. So yes, Gaia, is a daughta-from-anotha-motha. I love her to deaf! Brian, her fiance, has become Relations over the course of time...
...speaking of Brian, the kind gentelman gifted me a book that had belonged to his father while he was in university. The title of the book is "BLOOD, TRIUMPH AND TEARS - WORDS OF THE GREAT INDIAN CHIEFTAINS - INDIAN ORATORY - FAMOUS SPEECHES BY NOTED INDIAN CHIEFTAINS", compiled by W.C. Vanderwerth. A book I had not heard of in all the decades I have read about brother and sister Indians. His father is no longer walking here on Earth Mother, which for me was more than an Honor. This book took a giant leap forward on my Bedside Table and has actually become the book to read now. I'll resume the others as soon as I have completed this one. Thank you Brian. From my Spirit's to your's, thank you.
A book recently purchased book written by Mr. Thomas Paine, became my book to offer to Brian, in the form of a gift of written words for written words. I had been knocked off my ass by his friendly and grand gift and was most delighted and obliged to offer Mr. Paine as a trade...
...a good trade. Indeed.
Thanks to all who visited our Lodge last evening, for I was grateful and so very truly enjoyed myself.
love and peace,
Mario
.........Relations.........
Friday, October 7, 2011
Therapy, Meniere's, and Doctor Appointment
Met with Sir Dude, my therapist, on Wednesday afternoon and had quite the productive gathering. He was equiped and prepared for whatever might have come from my mouth and both hemisphere's of these brain's of mine. I enjoy therapy when Sir Dude, is on spot. Sometimes a little mental/verbal fenceing doesn't hurt any body. We did have therapy two consecutive weeks and am glad for it. Wednesday, was a visit made in error, but was so very needed. I am knowing this and was very pleased with it.
The beeping in my Deaf Left ear has subsided and has morphed into this dreadfully weary tip-tap-tip-tapping. Sounds as someone who has fair speed with the key board is tasking within my ear. Today, since I awoke this morning.
My Hard of Hearing right ear has a forest of crikets, cicadas, frogs, and alligators in full concert! I am listening to this now. This right ear being is in a contest with my left to see who might be the loudest and obnoxious distraction on today's Path...so fucking out loud. My right ear continues to pop and plop. Sometimes so loud it startles me. Sometimes so bad I have screamed aloud. What can I do?
The Worms have been active today - off and on.
The dizziness has me on high alert as I am feeling unsteady on my feet. The dizziness is hard and at up near a seven at this moment...
...nausea is same and has been engaged all morning and early afternoon. I had some juice and liters of water today. Some of this was brought up into my mouth and nose earlier. Yes, it's gross, but what to do? There is a knot of nausea in my throat at this very moment.
There have been many times latly where I have this intense desire to bleed. Honestly, if some relief is not in my near future, I will bleed some of this shit out. Irrational as hell, but it helps...
...for what it's worth.
I have a necklace and am wrapped about my chest with heavy perspiration and sweat. I am feeling it slide down my chest and stomach right at this second. About my neck a wear a bandana - EVERY DAY! It does not matter where I may go, there is a red or blue one neatly wrapped about my neck. I wear a t-shirt under my shirts to help absorb and assist me with keeping dry as possible when these elevators rise and fall. Oh yes, I also keep a spare bandana in my diddy bag to wipe my forehead and face. This is a must! I do believe in keeping up appearances, so I am constantly changing shirts. Sometimes pants and under garments as well.
There is NO SET SCHEDULE or RHYME OR REASON. I live with this daily and these are not post vertigo attack symptoms at the moment. These are the piece's of Meniere's Disease that are attached to me and do with me what it wants when it wants to. There is NO CONTROL!
I have an appointtment this afternoon with my primary physicican...She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor. The pains, aches and pecular numbness on the left side of my skull continues. The left eye orb still feels as if it bulges from time to time. Especially when I cough, and speaking of which still has not gone away. I still have some syrup and the pretty transparent pearls to eat, but will soon be empty. I feel terrible today. My body is sore and aches from my ankles to the side of my skull.
With great hopes - I will leave this visit with better fitting shoes.
No, Menier's Disease is not contagious.
I will have a ceremony later. In honor of my Relations.
peace and love,
Mario
The beeping in my Deaf Left ear has subsided and has morphed into this dreadfully weary tip-tap-tip-tapping. Sounds as someone who has fair speed with the key board is tasking within my ear. Today, since I awoke this morning.
My Hard of Hearing right ear has a forest of crikets, cicadas, frogs, and alligators in full concert! I am listening to this now. This right ear being is in a contest with my left to see who might be the loudest and obnoxious distraction on today's Path...so fucking out loud. My right ear continues to pop and plop. Sometimes so loud it startles me. Sometimes so bad I have screamed aloud. What can I do?
The Worms have been active today - off and on.
The dizziness has me on high alert as I am feeling unsteady on my feet. The dizziness is hard and at up near a seven at this moment...
...nausea is same and has been engaged all morning and early afternoon. I had some juice and liters of water today. Some of this was brought up into my mouth and nose earlier. Yes, it's gross, but what to do? There is a knot of nausea in my throat at this very moment.
There have been many times latly where I have this intense desire to bleed. Honestly, if some relief is not in my near future, I will bleed some of this shit out. Irrational as hell, but it helps...
...for what it's worth.
I have a necklace and am wrapped about my chest with heavy perspiration and sweat. I am feeling it slide down my chest and stomach right at this second. About my neck a wear a bandana - EVERY DAY! It does not matter where I may go, there is a red or blue one neatly wrapped about my neck. I wear a t-shirt under my shirts to help absorb and assist me with keeping dry as possible when these elevators rise and fall. Oh yes, I also keep a spare bandana in my diddy bag to wipe my forehead and face. This is a must! I do believe in keeping up appearances, so I am constantly changing shirts. Sometimes pants and under garments as well.
There is NO SET SCHEDULE or RHYME OR REASON. I live with this daily and these are not post vertigo attack symptoms at the moment. These are the piece's of Meniere's Disease that are attached to me and do with me what it wants when it wants to. There is NO CONTROL!
I have an appointtment this afternoon with my primary physicican...She-Who-Is-A-Lovely-Doctor. The pains, aches and pecular numbness on the left side of my skull continues. The left eye orb still feels as if it bulges from time to time. Especially when I cough, and speaking of which still has not gone away. I still have some syrup and the pretty transparent pearls to eat, but will soon be empty. I feel terrible today. My body is sore and aches from my ankles to the side of my skull.
With great hopes - I will leave this visit with better fitting shoes.
No, Menier's Disease is not contagious.
I will have a ceremony later. In honor of my Relations.
peace and love,
Mario
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