I came across an idea for this life of mine, once apon a time, you see? I thought if I did this or said that, things would work out nicely, for others as well as myself. As in always doing what my perpetrators told me to do. As in always saying thank you, you're welcome Ma'am, and have a nice day, Sir. Maybe not speaking when I could have or speaking to them with two faces when I should'nt have. I suspect might've altered the course of my life and Path. I have you see? I've done and said these things or not spoke certain things and so much more and so on...
...even now, as a fifty-one year old, I have this burning desire to please others. Not "make", but enable others to have better days - better evenings. I believe this to be what Great Spirit blessed me to do and still do believe it.
Had physical therapy yesterday afternoon with K-Lo. All went well with the exception of post P.T. issues. Seems to me that P.T. stirs up the meniere's and creates vertigo like symptoms while not provoking an actual attack. Yet! Which is good in one hand, while in the other I unfortunately await an attack. Almost one of those, "damned if I do and damned if I don't", scenario's.
Bullshit! I just can't stop and let life pass me by. I push and I push. It would not be the right thing to do to stop pushing, How will I know how far too far is unless I push it? So I push. Have a call out to K-Lo. We'll come up with a good plan.
The road blocks get in the way from time to time. Transportation to my appointments, which I take very seriously, being one. Vertigo/Meniere's attacks. Post attacks. The sypmtoms I live with daily. Falls and near falls. The Human Bumper Car Dude. Lack of understanding...
...the lack of support from Kinfolk. Still. I mean, My God! Can this be real? My own kinfolk will not even provide the courtesy of reading these very words. It sadly remains to be kinfolk who grow impatient with me. From this residence out, my kinfolk just don't seem to get it. And I mean from my Spirit's, "get it". As I am often asked with much sarcasm, "Really?". I mean? There isn't anymore for me to say on this matter. One final thing I can share is that it cuts down to the veins...
Had a session via telephone with Sir Dude, my therapist this morning. A transportation issue came up. Sir Dude came through with a last minute resort. For this I truly thank God. I felt it necessary to have a session today. My Heart and Spirit's told me so long ago. The disappoint was more than I was able to grasp a hold of earlier, I was so looking forward to our gathering in one of my rare Safe Places here on Earth Mother. It saddens me that I missed the opportunity to be with Sir Dude. It comforted me that the right gentleman, Sir Dude, would provide me with a call. So cool and so thankful.
My hearing is having a bad day today. Today I am SSD and HH...Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Feels like it fits me. Off. My Left Deaf ear is having a conversation via satalite with the Canadian Broadcasting Company...a form of Morris Code again. My right-good-bad-ear, has the roaring thump-thump-thump of Vietnam War Era helicopters. At this moment! Earlier it was The Tampa Cricket and Cicada Symphony. I mean? Have also had moments of total silence or a form of tunnel hearing.
I am nauseated and am dizzy. So very uncomfortable. Am shirtless and am perspiring. The right ear plops and my dear worms are at work on the left side of my skull. HOLD IT! Just got a beep-beep-beep-beep on the left side. Aloud! And speaking of aloud, the voices remain and continue.
Time for me to go. I've got to get out of doors for a while. Maybe the sunshine will bring some happiness.
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