Have had too many moments lately when I am fully aware that sarcasms, negative energy, and poor vibes are directed at me. Usually over the most minute of matter. Well, I think rather usually revolves around my hearing or lack there of. My Heart is heavy. Unnecessarily so. I mean? It is my responsibilty to maintain a positive energy and vibe about myself, me, and I. My Dear God, it is all so really needed. There are times I feel as if I'm being punished for some long ago sin.
I have bathed under the running stream of God's Water this afternoon. Thus, was baptized. Again. I felt this ceremony necessary to prepare for the words I will place here today...be it like this or something like that. I won't know until my mind gets there. Have a conversation with you about how Meniere's dictates my every consideration. Today's...
I see and hear or don't hear my life changing before my eye orbs. Really? Please take just a minute to read how this Meniere's has affected me today and up to this moment...
Nausea has been high and was productive earlier. I vomitted nothing but water, undigested medications and bile. I have sweated - not perspired off and on all day...at this moment my grey t-shirt has dark spots from the moisture. Meds? Please. There is a knot in my throat as if I went through the "China Buffet" for a third serving. That's Bulimia shit there for real.
My Right-Good-Bad-Ear went totally silent on me roughly twenty minutes ago. I listened with baited breath...not rushing it, not trying to change it's course. This silence lasted for seconds. Which seemed like minutes. I just listened to it. My hearing is of a poor quality today...very poor. While listening to MTV/U, it was necessary for me to turn the volume to max to have a satisfactory listen. (I just vomitted in my mouth) I have had the Sounds of South African jungle play and rewind itself over and over and over again...it's playing now. Shittin' Really?!
My Left-Deaf-Hearing-Anomaly-Ear, has had something like dull chirps. Like a bird chirp, just not the chirps of a happy bird, for example. Lasted for several seconds and am presently listening to the beep-beep-beep's of a Morris Code. This sound has been constant for I do not know how long. I am here in and am listening to this NOW. In concert with Mogwai's, "Cody".
Today, I have not slept and will not sleep until later on this evening. Way to much sleep has gone on since Physical Therapy last Friday. Oh yes, I really thought K-Lo and I were to have a session today. He never called. So tomorrow I'll call K-Lo. We only have two visits remaining and I really do want to bust them wide open.
My balance and coordination has been more off than usual. Has forced me to slow things down a bit. Have had a couple/three bumps and trips.
The cervical spine has a numb spot on the upper left side of my skull. Pain remains with the exception of this mystery numb spot. I have done my exercises plus have continued to lift the kettle weight. Till it burns...
My heart is heavy. And I am blue. Yes, I took my neat little razor tipped pills...I have to. And I have to be honest and say I am thankful for them although I am loathing this reality.
My Path...my dear Path...
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