House of Seven Windows

The "House of Seven Window's", is the name of my dwelling. My humble homey yet eccentric home.

My Bride and I are simple Folks. We have nothing to prove. We are Blessed with some pretty awesome neighbours. Most of which are considered friends. We have established our own little crime watch and have exchanged telephone numbers. We are the sixth home situated at the end of a cul-de-sac. This one block which consists of twelve homes and is multi-generational as well as a multi-ethnic community. A fine blend of good Folks.

Crystals are placed at each window. Some window ledges may have special stones or gems along with the crystal. See'er stones are randomly placed, as are clusters of amethyst.

On occasion, we have ceremony by burning white sage, pine, and other types of herbs. Today, I had ceremony of beating the drum. This in honor of someone I know who is having back surgery today. The anticipation I have in my heart is same as if this young man were Kinfolk. God, please Bless the hands of the doctors who will be cutting open this way cool fellow.

Alot of music is played in our home. A wide variety of sounds from so many different genre's. I have loved music since I was a child...many times in my youth, music was an escape from what I was living. When my grade five teacher introduced me to Beethoven, my life was changed forever and to this very day. Yes, I am a Ludwig Van Beethoven dweeb. I still cry when I listen to his Symphony #9, in D Minor, Op. 125. I've always felt as if he wrote his music with a certain people in mind. I am glad to be one of those certain people.

We have piece's of Native American, Indian art work. Most signed by the artist. My favorite artist is Donald Vann. His pieces portray Cherokee way of life back when life was Cherokee. Not assimilation. My art pieces of Dream Boxes and Dream Catchers are set randomly.

Our House of Seven Windows, is my Safe Place and is a sanctuary to all. Kinfolk, kindred, and the feathered and fury cousins who visit. No harm. This is a place of peace, for peace.

We have a large library of books. The majority are Indian and have become a part of our home. Most have been read and then some of these have been read more than once. These very books have often been companions for me over the past three or more years. How does one fall in love with a book? I don't know? Yet, I do and have...I reckon.

I leave this note now having said enough. There is nothing more for me to say but...

...peace, love and beauty be with all my Relations...

K-Lo, Physical Therapy & The State of the Body Address

The Best Physical Tharapist I have ever had - Mr. K-Lo, payed me a visit this afternoon and we had an excellent session. Exersise's that I practice every day, a bit of walk about and the ole reach and grab from above...he was observing to see if I remembered what he taught me with respect to always having a hand on the counter. Ensuring I am being safe and sure. The teacher was pleased...and I am guarding myself from a mishap, you see? This is a win-win situation for me. When I said the best earlier I meant it with God's truth. I can not lie when I place these words as the Great Spirit's Truth.

Mr. K-Lo, has been an awesome coach and teacher. His instructions are clear and his empathy, although unspoken is felt with-in my Spirit's. My eye's, mind and heart believe this young man wants me to PUSH this shit! So I do. With mucho gusto!

I'll share again, this human body is a loaner. I've got to keep it as healthy and as strong as I can and will continue to work it to improve the scenario. My body is my business. No investment - no profit. Oh my, my whole ass is a loaner!

My Spirit's and Soul know who my God is! We know which way is best to go...

Stop! For you few haters, please lean back and take care of your attitudes and prejudices, and your stank ass bigotry and your own shit. Oh, baby please, don't even let me get started with your dumb-ass ignorant ways. Do me a favor, and I hope you don't mind, but let me clear my throat. Sometimes I wonder why I even permit your toxic parasitic person to influence or stereotype me. Right. As Cee Lo Green, would say, "Forget You"....Fuck!

I am dizzy with difficulty keeping a focus on these keys. Nausea is high and I am perspiring. A constant spin...Blah, blah, blah...

...my dearest Deaf-Left-Ear is hearing a clickity-click. My Right-Good-Bad-Ear, is listening to giant cicadas. No crickets, cicadas going solo. I have ear gas today with both plooping.

My neck has pain and that peculiar numb spot where my neck and skull meat. After all, I am a walking piece of meat. True? True.

Have lost more weight. My waist size continues to drop and beats the loss of my poundage. It is not polite to ask someone how much they weigh, so I won't share. I bet if I wanted a sports bra I would find one my size..alright and okay then.

My brains and achy body are telling me to go to sleep! I really don't want to - so, I think I'll do a wee bit of walking about. I'll be safe out there. I promise.

To all Relations, peace.

Meniere's Manifest Melagne

Have had too many moments lately when I am fully aware that sarcasms, negative energy, and poor vibes are directed at me. Usually over the most minute of matter. Well, I think rather usually revolves around my hearing or lack there of. My Heart is heavy. Unnecessarily so. I mean? It is my responsibilty to maintain a positive energy and vibe about myself, me, and I. My Dear God, it is all so really needed. There are times I feel as if I'm being punished for some long ago sin.

I have bathed under the running stream of God's Water this afternoon. Thus, was baptized. Again. I felt this ceremony necessary to prepare for the words I will place here today...be it like this or something like that. I won't know until my mind gets there. Have a conversation with you about how Meniere's dictates my every consideration. Today's...

I see and hear or don't hear my life changing before my eye orbs. Really? Please take just a minute to read how this Meniere's has affected me today and up to this moment...

Nausea has been high and was productive earlier. I vomitted nothing but water, undigested medications and bile. I have sweated - not perspired off and on all day...at this moment my grey t-shirt has dark spots from the moisture. Meds? Please. There is a knot in my throat as if I went through the "China Buffet" for a third serving. That's Bulimia shit there for real.

My Right-Good-Bad-Ear went totally silent on me roughly twenty minutes ago. I listened with baited breath...not rushing it, not trying to change it's course. This silence lasted for seconds. Which seemed like minutes. I just listened to it. My hearing is of a poor quality today...very poor. While listening to MTV/U, it was necessary for me to turn the volume to max to have a satisfactory listen. (I just vomitted in my mouth) I have had the Sounds of South African jungle play and rewind itself over and over and over again...it's playing now. Shittin' Really?!

My Left-Deaf-Hearing-Anomaly-Ear, has had something like dull chirps. Like a bird chirp, just not the chirps of a happy bird, for example. Lasted for several seconds and am presently listening to the beep-beep-beep's of a Morris Code. This sound has been constant for I do not know how long. I am here in and am listening to this NOW. In concert with Mogwai's, "Cody".

Today, I have not slept and will not sleep until later on this evening. Way to much sleep has gone on since Physical Therapy last Friday. Oh yes, I really thought K-Lo and I were to have a session today. He never called. So tomorrow I'll call K-Lo. We only have two visits remaining and I really do want to bust them wide open.

My balance and coordination has been more off than usual. Has forced me to slow things down a bit. Have had a couple/three bumps and trips.

The cervical spine has a numb spot on the upper left side of my skull. Pain remains with the exception of this mystery numb spot. I have done my exercises plus have continued to lift the kettle weight. Till it burns...

My heart is heavy. And I am blue. Yes, I took my neat little razor tipped pills...I have to. And I have to be honest and say I am thankful for them although I am loathing this reality.

My Path...my dear Path...

The Past Twenty Four Hours

Yesterday, the 24th of June 2011, K-Lo and I had one heck of an interesting session. He shared exercise's for strengthening of these neck muscles of mine. We have done and will continue to do exercises to keep my body stronger than it has been, which is to assist me with the battle of the balance. I sure do hope to evict this damned pain real good and prompt like. A numb spot has developed left of where my head and neck meet. No, I did not call my doctor yesterday. She Who Intimidates Me, intimidates me.

Alrighty then, let me get back to K-Lo, we stirred my equilibrium also known as the "Pot" really good and plenty yesterday, so much so, I was forced to retire for a spell shortly after he left. Slept well into the early evening, woke up for two or three hours and then was back to sleep. It's really weird livivg like this...doing therapy for something good, yet am placed in a spot where I must go against the grain on something else. In this case the meniere's disease. Brenda worries, while my therpist K-Lo and I bust a move on this neck thing...speaking of which, there is pain as I communicate these words and frustration as well because, She Who Intimidates Me, has put me through P.T. three times with this round included. Looks like I'll be blue and grey and have these fucking worms eating my brain and body before I feel any right good results...

...I wonder how much money, She Who Intimidates Me, has run up on the insurance company and I. I am confidant in saying ten's of thousands of dollars! All of which I consider an utter waste of time and money, because here I sit years later and we're still dealing with this same old dung. Many times I have considered going else where and why I have not is something I simply can not explain. I am a loyal person, I know, but maybe this relationship between patient - doctor has run it's course...has gone too far. I don't know. I really just don't know.

Shit!

Meniere's is messing with my emotions today...something really bad. Dizzy at a level of six, nausea at a level of eight and I want to hurl chunks something awful. I sit here perspiring. My Left-Deaf-Ear is Deaf at this moment and my Right-Good-Bad-Ear and I are listening to the enchanted sounds of Tarzan's jungle, which is backing up Ray Parker Jr. and Raydio's "Get Down". My dear worms are busy this afternoon...making babies or constructing a new dwelling. I don't know. Both ears are plopping and I really do want to go to bed. I think I'll make a go of it today though, and just wait for an early time to retire to bed.

I am continuing to lose both inches and weight. Mostly inches, which is like so bonus! Soon I'll be wearing a size smaller than where I am now. No, I will not share. It has gotten to the point where I must wear a belt with all of my slacks, capri's and shorts. The weeble-wooble of my head has no plans on leaving anytime soon, I tell you. If anything it may get worse...seems as if the more I lose and the better I'm looking in the mirror the more wooble headed I become. Think I'll be going up a size in my nipple ring and am thinking same for my ear. I continue to lift the kettle weight bar and am noticing a nice change in my arms...starting to see the sky blue colours of my veins. Oh, I love it!

To all Relations, walk in beauty.

Farewell to Kind Spirits, Visited Dr, Psych, & Meniere's

Today was the final day for Kind Spirit's and I as team mates. Our three visits permitted have been exhausted and it was time to say farewell. I have always disliked farewells and have hated good-byes since childhood. For me goodbyes are often heart wrenching and too sad for me. And yes, I have cried at many a good-bye. Especially when I know the chances of crossing paths again are slim or even worse, knowing I might not ever see an individual again is too sad.

Todays farewell with Kind Spirits was just that, a farewell. Not the good-bye. Yes, I was disappointed when it was made certain there were only three visits and yes, there was a bit of sadness in my Spirit's. There were kinfolk here (My BIL and my two nephews) and I reckon I felt best not to cry at that moment. It is so wonderful how God has our Paths cross with others every once and again in life. Thank you Great Spirit for having Kind Spirit's and my Path cross again. And thanks to you Kind Spirit for your teaching and motivating words.

This afternoon I was able to keep my appointment with Dr. Psych and we had a rather pleasent visit, yet I left there lacking something. Have not been able to put a finger on it...can't even smell neither...Yet.

Note: A Time Out For Say and Share: Under my belly button I have what is like one of these ")" lieing down on it's side. Like a real smile! It is the location where He Who Touched My Brain, removed excess body stuff's to plug up my skull when he did the Vestibular Nerve Section. That's when I lost hearing and balance on the left side. I had given my Good Doctor the go ahead to do liposuction while he was up in there...I had had rhinoplasty in the past you see, but I guess he wasn't seeing it, because he took out just enough to patch me up and seal it with a kiss and a titanium plate on the skull. Alright, this is what I want to do - I want two tats there that are just the most stunning eyes one has ever seen. No, really, I mean it. Besides, how much would something like that go for? Short dollars? See, I would have the eye's inked, my belly button as the nose and then the scar for the permanent smile. Check Back...

...just one of those funking things about me...good funky Folks. Please? Funky stuff like the fantastic music from the 1970's Funky Funk, Funk...

My left deaf ear has been with the loud bleeding beeps all afternoon and into tonight. My right good-bad-ear is so very loud with my friends of the Amazon Rain Forest it is keeping me awake. I am dizzy and am nauseated to a point of disgust and yearn to vomit. I am perspiring around my head and neck as if I was wearing a misting ball cap. Have been very clumsy when walking about. Today, both ears were plopping. Don't ask...I don't know...

...I would pray for some new fancy pill that would "help" matters - but then, would'nt that be just another shittin' pill to have to eat?

For the time being I'll continue to do my P.T. exercises and continue to lift my little ten pound kettle bar. I am beginning to feel as if I have a stronger frame on these bones.

...so that when I fall in the future I'll smash some shit up, en'it?

p.s. The pain in my neck is getting pretty bad. Time to call in the morrow.

Farewell Kind Spirit's!!!

The Whole Package!

Shortly after posting yesterdays publication it was necessary for me to lay down for what was supposed to be a few minutes "just to help the dizzy go away". I ended up sleeping until 1900 then was back to sleep at 2200.

I am certain this was a result of last P.T. session. My doctor has stated same. But, you see, I have only three visits remaining and I am not willing to sacrifice a damned good theraputic session because it may stir up the pot a couple/few days. K-Lo, the Uber Therapist, has me under his tutelage and I refuse to be some bleeding twit moaning and groaning about side affects. He knows I want the whole package and he damned sure is doing his best to teach me. He reminds me from time to time to breath. Sounds like the advice I have passed on to the family, friends and fellow Survivors. Just one of those things we don't always do with concentration. We breath, yes, but out of necessity. Breathing is something many of us take for granted. It's true. When was the last time you took in a big cleansing breathe through the nose and exhaled slowly through the mouth?
It's fantasticly soothing really. Let me share something that I think is cute. There has been a few times when K-Lo has mistaken the colour of my skin for not breathing...especially this time of year my skin is a deep natural red/light brown. We've laughed everytime he has made this call. Bless his heart.

As an Asthmatic, I am too damned familiar with not being able to breath easy. There have been times when and where I have myself in hospital or emergency department being saved by their staff. With all my heart, I know very well, the last time I was in an emergency state, the hospital's staff saved my life. With none a doubt.

I will be seeing Kind Spirit's in an hour or so for some Occupational Therapy. He who has crossed my path before, contains a wealth of knowledge and really cares for me as a fellow human. Brenda and I have discussed some of his recommendations for the Bath and have concluded that we will take baby steps until all is complete. Am certain this will please the Kind Spirited one.

Meniere's is kicking it up a spell as I am plenty nauseated and sitting here in a cool room and just to perspire. The dizziness is rolling on medium and no, I have not yet taken my medications. Will directly. My left Deaf ear is listening to a locomotive passing me by in my back yard. Odd? My right ear has gone deaf on me twice this morning and continues to be on a low scale for hearing at all. On that note, there are days when I hear very well with this ear, then there are days like yesterday when I have tunnel hearing. Sort of like listening through a tube or straw...

...not that I've ever tried listening through a tube or straw. Just saying.

Hello? Is Anybody There?

I just recently answered the house telephone with my left ear. It was my Honorable Daughter Number One calling...

...I do not answer the telephone with the greetings of hello. For decades I have greeted all of my callers with the greeting, "peace". A simple greeting from the simple man. When I greet with peace, I extend by one simple word to the ear and mind of the one on the other side of the line a wish for peace for them and their Relations. I may not always be in a peaceful spot, but this is my ultimate wish for We here on Earth Mom. So I do my hardest to be a peaceful one...

...I am also eager to have company during my day as it is lonely being alone. I appreciate when folks call to check on me and folks, I will speak with a solicitor for five minutes, politly listening to their scripted presentation, then I will kindly excuse myself and disconnect. Oh yeah, I do. And have that person on the roll with their presentation too!:) Please.

Anyways, the point is - is that when my daughter called, I responded with my usual greeting, then said hello and asked who is this? And yes, I was getting quite irritated...

...then finally realized I answered the telephone without speaker engaged and with some degree of embarrassment...

...I realized I answered the telephone with my Deaf Left ear.

Ting-Ting, Chi-Chi, Sleep, and Pains in My Neck!

I forgot to mention one of our hounds earlier. My all time favorite pup named Ting Ting. I truly love her as if she is truly family. Because she is and she knows this. From her first day Home we've been the best of friends and I think she thinks she is baby sitting me during the day when there is no one else home but my hounds and I. Have learned she snips at the shoes of therapists, nurses, and some company, so it is necessary too gait us off from her and Chi-Chi, our Gay Beagle. "Chi Chi Le Rouge", is his/her stage name. It's a wonderful thing having Ting Ting and Chi Chi as Room Mates. Both have shown the hound in them on many a night and day, and Ting Ting, covers my back like the stank in dog dung when I am outside. She will sit or a lay in this Florida heat to keep an eye out for the Ole Fellow...will sometimes come up to me and lick my legs to remind me it's time for my tem minute break. I have never ever in my entire life loved a pup as much as I love my Ting Ting. She's free medication and provides some of the best unconditional love on the planet! My Lassie!

I did fall asleep earlier today. Slept several hours - so deep a sleep I never moved from the way I laid myself to rest. If the bride had not woke me up when she got home around six or such, I would have remained asleep.
I feel like a wuss because I permited some exercises to wear me down. Yes, I know there is a mix up of the meniere's disease with these sessions, but after todays visit we are down to three visits. There's much to do in such little time. Maybe I could've spoken up earlier - no wait, I did speak up earlier. K-Lo was always care full and very aware of what we were/are to do. I was just so afraid of running out of physical therapy visits...came pretty damn near to it.

On Thursday the 24th June, I will visit with my psychiatrist, Dr. N. aka Dr. Psych. Due to transportation issues I was unable to make todays appointment. Am eager to communicate with the Dr. Psych. I wish to report I have kept my word on the taking of the anti-sad pill. Have not missed a days dose since the last I saw him. Will not be seeing Sir Dude this week. He empathizes with me about the transport issue, so we went on a bi-weekly schedule for now. Temporary please. I am honest in saying I'm not yet prepared for the change in schedule. Our next visit will be next week unless shit happens - then he know's that I know to call. I appreciare having these good men on my Better Health Care Team and within my circle. It's comforting and I feel safe.

The neck pain is getting out of hand. Think it is time to call She Who Intimdiates Me come morning. I don't give five pounds of that stank dog dung I spoke of earlier, the pain and discomfort gets to be sot bad. There has to be something to assist me. Hell, give me shots in the neck - I don't care. There is enough torture going on under these layers of skin as it is...

...I want a good day.

Meniere's, K-Lo, Kind Spirit's, Me and a Dog named Ting-Ting

The worms have been active today and have had pain associated with the movements going on in my skull. There are times when there is no pain assoicated with the sensation of wiggling's between flesh and skull.

Kind Spirit's, stopped by for our Occupational Therapy session this morning. Had Q. & A., good talk and demonstrations. Shared with me the importance of reading with-in a very well lite area and gave an example with a tool to assist me when reading. I feel safe with this good man in my home, he is in fact a member of my Better Health Team and will always be welcomed here.

K-Lo, stopped by shortly after Kind Spirit's left. K-Lo and I had our Q. & A., had good talk and he helped me push the envelope this morning by prvoding several exercises. I feel that the purpose of the physical therapy's all about getting the excersise and practicing when K'Lo is not around. Speaking Of K-Lo, he is another person I feel safe around and know that he is giving me lessons that will live on well after our last visit. I know I would enjoy having great conversation with this young fellow. So intelligent, kind and very respectful. One of my favorite Better Health Team mates.

I have had nausea pretty much since I woke this morning. It's early afternoon but the want to vomit is as crazy as it was this morning. I am perspiring and uncomfortable. Dizziness has been unpleasent and proving me as an awkward Gimp. All I need are the leather goods and I would be the personification of the term Gimp. Please, no...

...at the moment my left ear is deaf and my right one's achey, plopping and is listening to Sade, here singing just for me in my right ear hole to the brain. Yes, the sounds of the usual frogs, crickets the size of birds, and my favorite, the cicadas are providing her with back-up. Dung dung!

Think I will lay down and rest and read a while. No sleep though because today is day two with-out sleeping during the day. Yes, I am exhausted and am quite certain we stirred the meniere's good and plenty today...

...but, I still don't know how far is too far to push. So for the time being and especialy while K-Lo is offering the P.T., it's push and push some more.

Push = Pray Until Something Happens.

Hope to get another page or two out later.

...peace...

A Task For The Heart

My bride and our daughter's assigned to me a task that has been one of the most difficult in many years. One that has taken a bit longer than anticipated. This task has been to go through old special occassion cards, holiday cards, photographs. And the memories?! From over the span of decades. Please, I was having flashbacks and was often overwhelmed by the memories that lingered just a bit before I tossed it...mental enema's, as in several moments of listening to their voices as I read their words.

I Cryed...

...it was time, you see? To dispose of pounds and pounds of cards, letters, photographs, from all Relations. Family, them with us now, or from those who have crossed before us. In their writing, in their words. Oh, no I did not dispose of all. I have letters from my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters when they were so much younger...a Survivor of the Holocaust in Poland, a fellow Survivor Of Sexual Abuse, both dear freinds. Photos of She Who Can Read Me and her very handsome husband, the Out Of Doors Man.

Cathartic? Please?

I was so much younger too.

Oh, please, no, not one photograph will be discarded. Have kept a few from these I have come across so far. I have kept a few cards, notes and letters from Relations. I won't get rid of all of these words...memories...emotions.

The love exchanged between family and friends. Through the years. I'm Blessed.

I've been Blessed all along...

Happy Father's Day

To every father who came before me. To my grandfather's, grandfather and this DNA you have passed on to me, I honor you today.

To every father, and their father's, father's father I send respect and honor your way.

Honor and Blessing's also to all of our WOmen who are both the Mother and Father...they so deserve so much more than one holiday a year.

Bless the father's sons, and husbands fighting the worlds war's. Bless too our WOmen...the Mom's, and daughter's.

Whether we've met or not is unimportanat. What is important to me is that you accpet this gift of peace...from me to thee and your family.

Peace, Mario

K-Lo, Kind Spirit's, and The Neck

Pardon me for not getting back out here yesterday. I went back to sleep and have stopped the counting of hours gone by.

K-Lo, visited me on the day before yesterday. He did not push me and kept on this side of cautious. He didn't have me stand too much, excluded certain exercises and omitted the walk about. I was not steady with my center off and not grounded due to the post meniere's/vertigo attack symptoms. I was perspiring when K-Lo got here and was sweating when he left. How far is too far? I don't bother thinking about it. I push.

Met my Occupational Therapist on the same day. Was so glad to see that the gentleman had been my O.T. in the past. His name is Kind Spirit's. A nice reunion it was. But as of this moment I'm not sure where we're headed...a bit of squeeze the fingers and can you stretch here or there. My dear fellow wishes me to spend money I don't have for the items he says I require in the shower...Oh, Sir. I would love those items.

Note: Just called my Better Health Teams office and talked my talk with one who's name is Ms. Sunshine. Paid respect and honor to K-Lo and to Kind Spirit's. Established we have used up several visits and used little if anything at all on my neck. There's but a very short few visits remaining and I reckon it would be to our benefit that we spend more time on working the neck.

Was able to speak with Kind Spirit's, just moments ago. Was able to communicate with him the same talk I had with Ms. Sunshine. Sir, I'm sorry I cryed while on the telephone. Maybe a pride thing? Am not sure, but I wish to share I have suffered with this cervical spine rubbish for so damn long. The pain, the wiggling worms, the JAW SPASMS, the buzzing in my hands, the pains on my skull - the ole door bells.

Relations, please understand I have been down this route before. There's something wrong and it's in my neck. I will take all of your teachings, as I have. K-Lo, you know this. I have practiced what you have taught me. I truly look forward to our remaining sessions and visits with gusto and really do look forward to your company. You two are good people to have on my Better Health Team...to have on my side. Thank you.

Sir Dude, Meniere's, Stuck in the Elevator & Such

It's odd how I've learned to sleep ceaselessly. Since late Saturday past, I have slept well over ninety hours. On Sunday 12 June 2011, I slept through the entire day and night into Monday...oh, so I now see it was more than twenty four. Sleeping without cease? Sounds so heavy, ya know? Even still, how odd it is to know how my body and mind know when to shut down. There isn't any debate when it comes to this either! The Meniere's Disease, the vertigo attacks and every last fucked up symptom, dictate what it is "I" do. So I try. And try to let go and let God. Sometimes this works out - other times Great Spirit decides to teach me through my Life with Meniere's. Too be in this place to teach or even in some way help other's through my experiances. I don't know. From my heart, it is necessary for me to acknowledge this, I don't always let go.

Was able to spend some time in one of My Safe Places over at Sir. Dude's, this morning. The session felt incomplete to me. I don't know if it was me being scatter brained or my felling as if I was there, yet part of me was elsewhere. This peculiarity had nothing to do with Sir Dude. For that matter, Sir Dude did his best to keep me engaged. Due to transportation issues, I arrived late. This may have played a roll in my state of mind at that moment. I don't know. Yet, in my gut, the transportion issue is unresolved. I also had to wait three quarter of an hour for my ride home. Just as a brief note: The source of transportation is Kinfolk. Yes. Yes!

Got stuck in the elevator at Sir Dude's office building. Session complete, I headed down the elevator to leave. It accepted me on the third floor and once I noticed how long it was taking to get to the first floor I started to spazz, as I am claustrophobic and needed my emergency inhaler straight away. I buzzed the alarm several times and continued to press open doors. My inhaler had run out of medication, by the way. After a couple/three minutes the doors opened and I was "below" the floor line where the lift should have left me. Hell, yes, I got out of there as quickly as possibly could and cursed the first two tenants that crossed my path. No shit! When I got out of the elevator not a man or woman was checking on the blaring of the alarm...

...let me tell you all this, I blared that sumbitch too! Loud Honey!

My Honorable Daughter Number Two and my Honorable Bride #1, failed to leave spare key with me this morning. I locked the storm door true, but damn it if I did not have to leave the lodge unsecured. Forunately, God and I were the only one's to know this. Thank You God, for protecting our home.

Would love to share more, but I hear the yard crew outside. I want to make sure they do right by me.

p.s. I'll be back with an update on K-Lo and yet another memeber of my "Better Health Team", my Occupational Therapist.

A Quick Note Or Two On Latest Meniere's Attack

A quick note or two:

Had vertigo attack like sypmtoms from my P.T. session on Thursday, on a continuing basis until Saturday night when I had the vertigo attack - Meniere's attack. Saturday, 11 June 2011. (Note: This is common occurance post Physical Therepay. I usually sleep them off and am okay over a day or two. Never has a session brought on a full blown meniere's attack.)

Was up for roughly an hour on Sunday and went back to sleep for the remainder of the Sunday. Until this morning to call He Who Touched My Brain, and then back to sleep until noon sometime. Now while awake have called my dear friends to apologize...I was to have had had their company yesterday and wussed out on them. Please forgive me. I apologize. To my daughters and wife, I also apologize.

Am in a state of disgust at this moment. I am sad and kicking my own ass something unforgiving. My body is pained and in constant discomfort. The nausea is high, to the point of having a sore throat high. If I had food in my stomach, I would force myself to bring it up. The dizziness is high and is having a go at me during this communique.

There was a period of complete shut-down of mind and function...for a span of twenty-four hours there was no need for water, food or restroom. Not the first time this has happened.

My body still feels this way - as in a place betweem sleep and being awake. As The foicking worms have their play...and their way.

My vision has been slightly affected as some reading is blurred.My right-bad-good-ear is tunneled with difficulty hearing. My Deaf-Left-Ear is listening to a very loud locomotive. Heading this way but never gets here...or arrives. Yet anyways..

Had no choice but to call off session with Mr. P.T. aka K-Lo. Pardon me Teacher.

Have been a mess while awake. Emotional rubbish. Balance and coordination.

I think then this is where I excuse myself as it nescessary for me to return to sleep.

Mia Culpa...

Censorship Or Not! For Shit's Sake!

Am pleased then, that my last blogg failed to post due to an error on Blogger. Yes! I know deep down in my gut that had it posted - it would have been just fine like that. Oh, well...

The Worms are at play or are reproducing on the left side of my skull. Yes, for shit's sake! It really is like having these huge ass worms between my skull and the skin on my head. I feel them every fuckin' DAY! Throughout my day-to-day! Soon, I think I have another talk with my doctors. Oh, hell, it just dawned on me that even as a child gone fishing with Grandpa Roy, I hated worms! I always hated to have to put them on the hook. Well? Hello, Karma. Now, they occupy living space on my skull.

Note: Something for Share and Tell: I have a Prince living with-in me. No. Not a royal prince, but His Purpleness, Prince. Have loved him from the first time my ears pickup on that fan-damn-tastic voice of his. I might've lived his "Little Red Corvette" song. I think I did. And Honey, please don't ask. Alright then? Wait maybe it was, "I Wanna Be Your Lover"! Can't recollect or tell from where I'm sitting.

Anyway's, the blog originated from something that has troubled me for the past couple of days. Since I posted She Saved My Life, now rereading it gives me an inner feeling of failing God, for having not included Thanks and Blessing's to The One God. The post expanded into somewhat of a very quick snip-it of what my day's of youth were like. Shit! I think maybe it was getting too much into detail, so Great Spirit, took care of it. God, censored my shit today. Just like that or this...*snap* and it was gone. So, at first, yes, I was like all "Office Space" upset. Just a little contemplation was all I needed.

Great Spirit, I Thank You for all of the blessings you have bestowed upon my family and I. I thank you also Great One, for having protected me from all of those years of irresponsiblty and immature conduct. You were with me everytime I put my health and safety in harms way. Your Angel's were with me all those years...keeping an eye on my back. Thank YOU GOD!

My Deaf left ear is in fact Deaf at this moment. My right-good-bad-ear has issues with the "Songs of the Rain Forest", playing at full volume. The right one also has bad gas at this time. Like real ear farts, but I'm the only one who can hear them. They go ploop. Or plop. Both audible to this good-bad-one-ear.

Or was it, "When You Were Mine"!

I am nauseated in the mid-range, the dizziness is too and yes, I have taken my medications as directed. I have a light mist about my skin. And yes, I did. Damn it.

Am in the beginning stages of peculiar sensations with my dear worms. For the past two days there has been some discomfort from the wiggling guests.

Think I'll stick with No Censorship!! For shit's sake! Let a WOman or man say what it is they have to say! The way they wish to express it.

Well Then, I Thought You Knew

I came across an idea for this life of mine, once apon a time, you see? I thought if I did this or said that, things would work out nicely, for others as well as myself. As in always doing what my perpetrators told me to do. As in always saying thank you, you're welcome Ma'am, and have a nice day, Sir. Maybe not speaking when I could have or speaking to them with two faces when I should'nt have. I suspect might've altered the course of my life and Path. I have you see? I've done and said these things or not spoke certain things and so much more and so on...

...even now, as a fifty-one year old, I have this burning desire to please others. Not "make", but enable others to have better days - better evenings. I believe this to be what Great Spirit blessed me to do and still do believe it.

Had physical therapy yesterday afternoon with K-Lo. All went well with the exception of post P.T. issues. Seems to me that P.T. stirs up the meniere's and creates vertigo like symptoms while not provoking an actual attack. Yet! Which is good in one hand, while in the other I unfortunately await an attack. Almost one of those, "damned if I do and damned if I don't", scenario's.

Bullshit! I just can't stop and let life pass me by. I push and I push. It would not be the right thing to do to stop pushing, How will I know how far too far is unless I push it? So I push. Have a call out to K-Lo. We'll come up with a good plan.

The road blocks get in the way from time to time. Transportation to my appointments, which I take very seriously, being one. Vertigo/Meniere's attacks. Post attacks. The sypmtoms I live with daily. Falls and near falls. The Human Bumper Car Dude. Lack of understanding...

...the lack of support from Kinfolk. Still. I mean, My God! Can this be real? My own kinfolk will not even provide the courtesy of reading these very words. It sadly remains to be kinfolk who grow impatient with me. From this residence out, my kinfolk just don't seem to get it. And I mean from my Spirit's, "get it". As I am often asked with much sarcasm, "Really?". I mean? There isn't anymore for me to say on this matter. One final thing I can share is that it cuts down to the veins...

Had a session via telephone with Sir Dude, my therapist this morning. A transportation issue came up. Sir Dude came through with a last minute resort. For this I truly thank God. I felt it necessary to have a session today. My Heart and Spirit's told me so long ago. The disappoint was more than I was able to grasp a hold of earlier, I was so looking forward to our gathering in one of my rare Safe Places here on Earth Mother. It saddens me that I missed the opportunity to be with Sir Dude. It comforted me that the right gentleman, Sir Dude, would provide me with a call. So cool and so thankful.

My hearing is having a bad day today. Today I am SSD and HH...Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Feels like it fits me. Off. My Left Deaf ear is having a conversation via satalite with the Canadian Broadcasting Company...a form of Morris Code again. My right-good-bad-ear, has the roaring thump-thump-thump of Vietnam War Era helicopters. At this moment! Earlier it was The Tampa Cricket and Cicada Symphony. I mean? Have also had moments of total silence or a form of tunnel hearing.

I am nauseated and am dizzy. So very uncomfortable. Am shirtless and am perspiring. The right ear plops and my dear worms are at work on the left side of my skull. HOLD IT! Just got a beep-beep-beep-beep on the left side. Aloud! And speaking of aloud, the voices remain and continue.

Time for me to go. I've got to get out of doors for a while. Maybe the sunshine will bring some happiness.

She Saved My Life!

Today the 7th of June 2011, I am able to state aloud and put in print that the person I married, my Bride, has saved my life...has saved and rescued me time and time again...

...even though I've hurt her Heart or hurt her feelings as a WOman, time and time again, she was their with me - going through these changes with me...not against me as an adversary. But, as my Soul Mate. Even if I did things that were so immature and irresponsible that I had lowered myself esteem and self-worth to the level of the rubbish thrown out every Monday and Thursday. She would be there for me. When I hit rock bottom and had no self esteem, She gave me space to find out who the fuck I was. To become the person I am today. All of "Who I am today". No longer the reckless and restless one...

...how I would put my life in the palm's of death herself...time and time again. She was there to hold me. To hug me. To hold my hand and help me walk as a husband and father. For you see, I surly was a lost one. She knew this. So did I. There was no doubt. I did not learn what boundaries were until I was a thirty-something year old man/child. And in deep-deep therapy. Hard and gut wrenching truthful, opening up of The Soul and Spirit's Therapy. Yes, I am back in therapy today, but this was a pro-active step. No more heart games in this house. For sure.

Here "we" are now.......31 years of marriage and 37 years as sweet hearts. Yes, she is still my Sweet Heart. I love her with every cell of my body and with all the might within my Spirit's...

...it is for her I live today.

Thank you kindly, Ma'am, for saving my life. And I love you today as I have loved you since the day I met you. My dear, most beautiful wife, Brenda.

Poet and Voice of Protest in 1970s is Dead

I have been toting an article from the New York Times about the death of Mr. Gil Scott Heron since the 29th of May. He crossed over on 27 May 2011. He was a very brilliant and powerful speaker. Rock one's world with passion of life via the word. He was also an excellent musician. In my heart, Mr. Scott-Heron, was rapping - through spoken word and song long before the age of Hip-Hop came about as a musical genre. Folk's were'nt even smelling the Hip-Hop or rap scene.

I feel as if I can't shake off his death. So I hold on to this section the article was in. I mean, he was only 62. That's only eleven years older than I...

...too damn young.

Thank you for your teachings, My Teacher.

Holla at Miles for me Sir!

Peace...

...and rest well, my brother.

Worms and the This and That's...

Don't know where to start so I'll just tip tap on this key board until something screams out from some fold in my brain organ. Like these damned Worms at play at this very moment, for example. The Worms have been at play since last evening. Felt them well into the night. Today, I do declare, these major disgustlingly gross distractions, to be a reality beyond my doctors wildest of dreams and or imagination. She is unable to comprehensively comprehend exactly what it is going on in my head and skull. Unless, She herslf has had these going on's. Um, I don't think so and no, I don't want more medications Doctor. I am taking too many as it is, true? True Alright then, I simply want the Worm's to go away. I am told again today, that these are the result of a "pinched nerve". "We'll have too see how thing's go after P.T.", I'm informed. Also, I bet that these bleeding worms don't know that! I just want them out of my head, as in make them go away Doctor. Please.

Had P.T. with K-Lo today. Good exercises but he felt it best we not do too much or go to far. He saw and heard of my present state. Will see him again later this week.

My balance and coordination have been graded low today. The nausea is bad and I am dizzy. Also have a slight spinning sensation going on. Not an attack spinning, just like the riding of a fast merry go 'round dizzy and spinning. I am sweating, not perspiring at this moment. I am hydrated and have taken medications as directed. Have had pains on both sides of my neck and skull today. The left shoulder is pained as well...

...my right ear is blaring the sounds of a far off and away Rain Forest. My left ear has had a varity of sounds today, from the U.S.S.R. beeps to the Emergency Broadcasting System alarm, to a baby crying in the other room - off and on, all the do-day-damn-long. And no, we don't have a baby.

One Share-and-Tell, then I'll step outside a while. Alrighty then, before I went on the anti-sugar, I used to LOVE eating cake frosting straight from the container. Did it since childhood. It has been since last year I did it last. Temptation's...

p.s. It's a difficult task to type while under these physical conditions. Sometimes, it may take me a while to type these words, but for me, this permits me to communicate and share what my life is like and has been. With you.

Life...

Meniere's, Meniere's, Meniere's, & Me Damn It!

Figured since symptoms of meniere's have been stirred about, I would hit on it a while. Today, has been an uplifting day in that I have fought the sleep and I won. I ate breakfast and still had an excellent sugar @ 1430. Oh, the sugar piece...please.

The plop's continue in my right ear. Today has been a better day to hear...so it would have been a good day for audio test's. Sometimes, that's the way thing's go...by the way, the plops are extra loud on a good day.

My left deaf ear has a solo cricket in concert...softly playing her violin. No joke! I'm listening to the music of a cricket in a Deaf ear. My right ear has loud-ass cicada's raising hell! I mean, this is obnoxiously loud! Is it because I am having a good ear day that these bastards are just SO loud! These need to be sprayed damn it! Exterminated somehow...maybe have the tent placed around my head and upper torso...?

The nausea is a six and gaining , the dizziness a six point five and I have perspired an awful lot this afternoon. Nothing productive = no vomit.

Walking better with cane which seems to be an equalizer for me out of the clear blue sky. I think, to myself, what if I had been trained back then? Oh well...When it is necessary for me to walk while dizzy, there is more of a purpose to every step and I'm feeling a confidence building within.

Dear God, if we could keep meniere's out of this picture...my life. The child within see's this through my eye's, you see? Can't you all hear and see?! I am trying so fucking hard! I mean, I know this seems so dramatic, but damn! Take a day or two in my shoes! Life means so much to me...and I sure do miss being a part of our community and society. This is exile - this is not living with a life worth living! What value do I bring to my family?! I am disgraced by this fucking meniere's disease! Mom, can you hear me?! Dad, can you see me!? Doctors, won't you take a moment with me?

These worms are definitely parastic! This is not right you all! This goes against the grain with being Human. Humans don't walk about feeling foiken worms wiggling on the skull. Fuck! Come on DOCTORS!! Yes, am sure it's so damn funny to others or maybe amusing? But, this shit is torture! I don't give three passing's of shit whether these are misfiring nerves or WHAT? What if "just one" of these misfiring's goes that way instead of this way? What the hell then? I mean, really?

Think that pony is just about ready? Yep...me too. Real quick like!

Let Me See Or Hear With One Ear

Mr. K-Lo, left no longer than sixteen minutes ago...the young brother made we sweat like a horse this morning, new afternoon! Working it with these fierce exercises. And walking it too. In the correct way...good leg up - slow leg down, except when climbing upwards too...

...stepping to a safer step. A safer walk...to a groovy and funky beat, stepping to the so much better and correct pace. Still, am a slave to the rhythum...

My mind just had a flash of what if someone were to creep in here without me knowing...while I sit here at this key board and before this screen, quietly listening to Fleetwood Mac, sing "Angel", into my one ear whole to the brain. Deaf to whatever is going on the out-side of this room. My two beautiful daughters and my bride have crept up on me probably too many times for me to count. So, oh, I know this happens, as I am aware there's someone behind me at this very instance. All I can do is hope my dispatch is done swiftly...these foicken Vampires are everywhere, ya know?! Make haste! And please, make it as sensuously sexual as you wish. For I am your sacrifice and so I wish that I may enjoy your sucking the life from my heart...as it races and races and races and pounds. But wait! I have a crystal on the window and a cross on the wall and a beautiful picture of Jesus taped to the desk... Then the thump-thump in my chest becomes shallow and shallower. Shit! Did I turn off the bleeding coffee maker?

Anyways...as I was saying earlier, K-Lo, has shown me much and is a very well educated Physical Therapist. This is a fortuitous occasion for me. K-Lo, as I have observed, is here providing me therapies that go well beyond "just" the neck piece. My Crystal Ball informs me he is here to help his patient get better "all-around". K-Lo, is a team member of my Better Heath Team. He has bitten into me and my oddities and I sure as hell have bitten into what-ever brother man brings on. Yo, K-Lo, we talk the talk, let us walk the walk. Good people! (As Bernie Mac would say) - (May he rest in peace), (One of my damned best comedians too!). Shit, Bernie! Now you know that I know you know I know, I'll catch you on "Kings of Comedy" later on. (I miss you Dude!)

Alrighty then, it is time for me to step out to my garden. Get some fresh air. Think I need to. Find my mind out there somewhere. Damn it! Just me and the hounds. Take out my Mr. Gripper, pull a weed or two. Oh yes, I'll join the birds, butterflys, dragon flys, "there's dead spiders in the cement pond", busy bee's and horse flys the size of a Texas Humming Bird...um, not really, but that's pretty dang big en'it? Sadly, for the spiders in the cement pond it's for real though. Um...one of these hounds snoring right at this instant. Po thang will have forgotten it in one minute. Well, ain't that some...

Gods Grace To All Relations!

My Coffee House, K-Lo and I

Woke earlier than I have in a week today. Something in my core wants me to walk lighter in these shoes today...not as light as in the loafers lighter - more like walk with ease and purpose. Bust open this sleep thing. Perhaps a good practice walk with the proper use of quad cane rather than trip and stumble about the house and my block would be nice. I'll check with Mr. K-Lo later on...nope actually, he should be here within the half hour, will check with him then. I am glad.

I live at the end of a cul-de-sac so there really isn't many cars and their wheels for me to watch as they go by... it gets lonely around these parts.

Am home alone. Brenda has gone off to work, my youngest daughter left earlier and now I sit with the anticipation of K-Lo's visit and therapy. As I am eager to make doctor appointtments, am just as eager awaiting my physical therapists arrival. He's running a bit behind this morning. He'll be here soon I tell myself...please don't cancel out on me K-Lo.

I remember too well what it was like to drive my favorite car ever. My first "new off the auto lot" car, my P.T. Cruiser. Waited a life time for a new car - now am unable to drive it. I watch my wife and daughters drive it - while I play passenger. This falls under Mr. Murphy's Law, you see. Hell, same thing happened with me and my trike. Brand new and it's parked in the garage. Collecting dust. I hope no rust. Hope to be back on that slender ass bike seat before long...

...I bring up the slender seat because that damned thing messed with my bottom side and the junk pretty tough like. I would get the same tingling down below as my arms get from time to time. And that just does not seem normal. Unless one likes that. I think?

Oh yes, never have met a person named Rusty that I have liked. Don't know why and I just don't know why I really mention this. Just one of those silly funky things about me. I guess.

I remember my Coffee House as if we were just recently seperated. I consider how many tears I have shed because of this seperation...really don't have any idea how many but, I know I've spent many a morning and afternnon crying from the loss of my career. The faces of my peers, "co-owners" and our customers still fresh in mind. Names too. As the seasons come and go, I consider the years I did get to spend with this company and my pretty green apron. What a spendid place to work! It is with high hopes that there will be a reunion someday. I've got to hold on to this and believe this will happen someday...I miss the scent of fresh brewing coffee, the scent of espresso beans, our latte's and tea's. I bet I drank green tea by the liter. Oh, how I do miss this wonderful place. I'll never forget it. Always did have the best intentions in mind and gave the company my all. Somewhere in my heart, I know there are folks who know this. What can I do now? I'm a gimp.

The business plan for today is no sleep during the day...want to break the sleep wide open. I want to push myself further and further. Sleeping eighty hours in one week would set anyone back a piece. It's up to me to do the right thing. So then...let it be so.

Six Days Out and K-Lo

When I exited from this computer earlier this afternoon and shut it down for turn off, I in turn did like wise for myself, my thoughts, the symptoms wrecking my insides, complete and total exhaustion, so I exited from whatever I was doing. No matter the whatever my day-to-day was working on, it was time to shut down. So I did and slept a sleep so deep/so long in duration I was able to reach REM....

...Dream World.

Since last attack I have slept over eighty hours. Have lived in a daze and am sad to say I will be going back to sleep in just a short few minutes...seems like an unquenchable thrist. Sleeping is drinking in this scenario. These post veritigo attack symptoms really do "rock" one's world and life. It sometimes seems so powerful an energy over my entire being. My very Being.

My physical therapy with Mr. K-Lo, was somewhat aggressive this morning. I will have a session with him come morning and we will come to an agreement or two. Unfortunately, this creates issue with Sir Dude and I...

...I sure as hell do appreciate visiting with him and sitting in my safe place every week. If not by tele-conference, we'll make an appointment for next week for my weekly mental/emotional enema.

Six days out...and the noises scream from both ears out loud. I have a new song by Stevie Nicks on for background assistance. The only background I get out of this is hearing my dear friend's voice...my ipod placed on repeat as the loud noises continue (As if competing with Stevie). My right ear had a poor hearing day today - so glad no audiology tests were scheduled.

My vision is having trouble getting back to what my "normal" vision was before the attack...

The crickets, frogs, and cicada are having a party between my ears. Loudly!
The plopping continues in my right ear. My left deaf ear heard a baby crying in my home twice today...

At tis minute my nausea is mid-range as is my state of dizziness. I have a cap of perspiration around my skull and wrapped around my neck. Yes. I am medicated as directed by He Who Touched My Brain. Note: I vomited in my mouth last night. I should also say some of the emesis went into my sinus's. It burned like hell and was very disgusting...shittin' grosse! Dude? No, I have not spoken with anybody about it...it's just one of those things for now.

Since Mr. K-Lo, taught me the way to walk with my quad cane, I keep him and his instructions in the fore front of all that is when I take steps. My balance was embarrassingly off today. I believe this was another reason why K-Lo bailed. My large ass is just way to big for him to alter a fall. Bless his heart, he's already told me that's what he's going to do...O.K. K-Lo. You da man! I do feel more at ease following his direction.

There is pain in my neck and my left arm tingles.

Time Out...

An AHA Moment Or Two

Had a pleasent session with Mr. P.T. this morning. From this day on he shall be known as Mr. K-Lo. We did several exercises and a walk about. Some in-house therapy was a reach above and relpace with other hand. K-Lo was pleased. I did not ask any questions, but I suspect folks with balance, coordination issues of any sort have trouble with this exercise. For me not too much as I am bi-handed, ambidextrous. This is an interesting subject for me because I have thought always we all were from some degree to another. Well...

...sounds like a BONUS for me! I empathize with all Kindred with such frustrating, difficult and sometimes impossible balance and coordination issues...

...And God, I know I am Blessed by the breathe you breath into my lungs
to be dealing with the diseases I have living with-in this shell. I will not die from this Meniere's Disease...an ever so slight chance of dieing from the asthma, but really, there are young Military Men and WOmen who come home with no lower limbs. Come home with one hand or those who are blinded. Them who come home in caskets. There are our Elder's. And the disease's that have no purpose but to kill us. As a dear friend recently shared with me, "well, you don't have rectal cancer." Correct and a mighty fine lesson. Teacher.

So yes, I am Blessed. Blessed with a multitude of Relations. My Spirit's do not discriminate...my Soul is a Sacred place. A private place. The human on these bones and the DNA mix in my blood, for me perpetuates an unrest with-in that is mine. But then, this is only "one" reason I go to see Sir Dude and Dr. N. Which brings me back to Mr. K-Lo...

K-Lo and I, had our conversation's. I have the belief he studied and or had some one-on-one time with a fellow therapist. I shared with him what I had practiced and what I did not since I saw him last. He was well aware of post attack sleep and the etc.'s, but Dude...you didn't have to tell me I look tired, like daaaaaaaamn K-Lo. I smile because this fellow from the Land Far Away is as genuine as we come. I am happy to have him as my Physical Therapist.

I beg your pardon. It is time for a return to sleep. The P.T., has stirred up some nasty meniere's symptoms.

Fighting Sleep, My Bride, Meniere's & I

Have been successful in keeping myself from entering Dream World. I want to spend some time with Brenda, so for now, I'll keep myself distracted. Really not that different than distracting a child from being afraid of what lives under the bed. They're Body Guards. Ain't they? Avoiding sleep has been a more difficult task than thought. For Pete's sake. I really am fighting sleep...my entire body is exhausted and just wants to sleep. At this moment, I am nauseated, dizzy and very uncomfortable. Y que?

...I swear I think it has something to do with Mr. P.T., and his getting all freaked out about what happens to me post meniere's/vertigo attack. That "idea" has helped me fight the sleep. I think. He and I will talk Thursday. A peaceful connection.

Remember this about me, my Relations, always...

...I have done my absolute best to always put myself in the position to succeed. I mean to explain this to you. Through-out my days here on Earth Mother, I have fought to do the right thing. From childhood to adult. Too many times I had to fight for life and or limb. I know what this tastes like, you see?. Being a Survivor can sometimes be heavy on one's shoulders.

Hell yes, I've made mistakes. Hell, more than my fair share of fuck up's and bad decisions! It would be a lie if I said otherwise. Mistakes of years gone by continue to haunt me. Oh, how I've often wondered if this rubbish I deal with every day is punishment for the shit I did early in life...my childhood...early on when there was no path...no boundaries. No self-respect or self-love. More like self loathing and self distruction.

I think meniere's disease come about to keep me on my toe's. Like when a friend dies or moves away - another comes along. God, I am certain, has something for me to do...something in store. I just don't know it yet and am too young to be here like this with these stupied ass diseases.

Big Red, my pony grows impatient. I've got to get back on and in the groove. Soon. Real soon.

Fighting Sleep, "Bama", Meniere's & Boxers?

Have fought the sleep since I awoke earlier. One thing that has kept me awake was a fantastic storm that came through here just a bit ago. Being in a year's long drought, we need each drip we can get. There's fires burning all across Florida at this very minute, some managed - most wild...

...I pray and have ceremony for rain. All awhile my eye's see the massive destruction of entire towns along the Mississippi...my eye's and ear listen as those killed in Alabama, make the death count higher. To see only roof tops over there and tree's with their bark shredded off by the winds over in "Their Town", felt so very much like my town, America. Yet, I will continue to pray for our water. The drought has come to a point that even them who do not pray - might please say one or two. That would be like, so cool. My Dear God.

I have kinfolk in Alabama. Everytime I hear something about storms, flooding, and those horrible twisters...my mind seems to come to a halt and I pray for them. It's the right thing to do. I love them. I have been busy with prayer's lately. So many to pray for. I have been quick to cry. My heart skips a beat as I type these words...Stop. Now.

The nausea in my throat is very high. The crickets, locust and cicadas blare from my right ear. My left skull area, which would include my profile with the stunning nose, lips and one deaf ear...the side which has had two implants, continues to pick up really random noises from elsewhere. Good damn goodness, why haven't I gone mad already? I don't know. Why in the hell hasn't somebody thrown me a safety device? Remember, at this moment I am listening to the sound track of some far away Rain Forest. But, I am the only one to hear this! Great Spirit know's this to be true. Yes, whenever I am able to "bust out" as in to go to Starbucks for some coffee or my favorite store with the Big Red Dot...them beautiful Angels and Cowboys follow my every move. The times I have fallen and not gotten hurt too bad. a good road rash and maybe a slight bruise. Here or there. The Great One is with me when I have these attacks! Honestly, there is something that goes on in my body and mind when these attacks happen. I am able to feel my very Spirit's. And those of others. So I pray...

The dizziness is very unpleasent at the moment and I have a cap of perspiration about my bobble head. Coordination is off, so I sit or lay down. As I'll be doing shortly. Am not hungry, have forced fluids.


If I may, I would like to share something most folks don't know about me. And know that I think about this, perhaps a once in while "Holla"!
Alrighty then, today's Share and Tell, is this...I wear them all. Briefs, boxers AND one pair of thongs. What?! Alright then...

Getting back on Red in a couple of days! Peace, you all!

The Funky Worms, Ranked #6

Ya-Hey! You all! Glad to see your eye's here with me for a little while...just a wee visit. Sit a spell.

Sleep time has consumed sixty plus hours of life as of this morning. My memory and my body inform me I will be back to slumber directly. So then, let me share a few things about "my" meniere's and get on with it. I mean, it's not like these symptoms ever foiken change much. If anything there's a couple/few that I suspect have gotten worse.

#1. The feeling of inpending loss of conscience is absolute horror...sends thoughts of dieing to some folds of this brain. These meniere's/vertigo attacks change one's life. Damned sure do and please, you believe that. Life changes. Folks, the dieing piece is not as streeful as once believed. I know this you see? I always remember to pray while I am going through a meniere's/vertigo attack and pray my mini-Rosary's...so God, will know his child is returning home. Besides, even today is a good day to die. As it is a good day to be alive. A Life.

#2. When meniere's affects my vision. Period! Profanity and curse words!

#3. The sleep factor. Sucks!

#4. The noise's. All of them. Especially them in my Left-Deaf-Ear. "?".

#5 Piggy back that with my elevator like hearing in my right ear and it's just about done. The issues here are as I have shared in the past, either stone cold Deaf or the slightest of a harsh sound is too much. Shit.

#6. The damned funky worms living on the left side of my skull. Really now, they're just getting more and more active with their funky worm ass'. And I suspect they're reproducing. These Earth Worm sized bastards. What to do?

#7. I miss my damned Coffee Company truly something terrible.

It's not as though I have not discussed these problematic issues/symptoms in the past. It's just that these in particular seem to have really gotten worse. Rather like, to be so come and go with every meniere's/vertigo attack.

Am very truly sore and tired. Think it time for a return to Dream World.

Peace...