Be Genuine...

I have tried so hard to keep my self calm today. After I woke up from my second sleep of today...(maybe counts as three if I include this morning after I awoke from a troubled sleep), I seem to feel extra sensitive and easy to cry and upset...

At this moment it is early Sunday, it would look like this 0101...I smell the scent of nag champa softly in the swirling wind of this room. I have crystal's behind me, around my neck and a crsytal cluster in front of me. Such is the need for calming this mind and heart and Spirit's...

Slept most of yesterday away and did same with this beautiful Florida, February day. Yesterday and today have me feeling damn near 'like fish flopping' out of water. My coordination and balance have been affected in very negative ways - back to my Mr. Bumper Car Dude, as I am bumping onto walls, doors, and furniture once again get's in my way. These past two days have been a living shittin' hell! Brenda, shared with me today, that she notices a change in speech while going through post vertigo attacks. I have noticed my hearing is affected as my hearing becomes more problematic. The noises between my ears have been loud! These crikets must be two feet long - their so freaking loud! I am and have been beyond dizzy, have extreme nausea, bad sweats that seem to enhance the urge to purge...am also riding an emotional roller coaster with no brakes at full speed ahead...it just keeps going and going. So I cry under my pillow until I fall asleep...which is a respite from this torture called meniere's.

Something sunk in really bad in my heart and Spirit's today. This being the realization of too much and so much truth. And am powerless about this. In spite of having so many Relations, I am lonely and very often am alone. My wife works so hard and so many hours of over time that we seldom get to spend more than a couple/three hours nightly. On week ends, she requires and deserves her rest and relaxtion. My WOman works hard for her money honey. My Honorable Daughter's, all seven of them, are grown and have their life kicking. Hell, I remember what it was like to be their ages...child please. My sister's are all wrapped up in their lives and their children and my kid brother, Mr. Boone, is tucked away in the big house over in dem islands Mon. My Aunts, Uncles, my make believe God-Father and God-Mother...my sweet Aunt's both have their hands full minding to my dearest Grand Mother. Cousins? So many yet so few. My friends have scattered...having their healthy friends and family to socialize with.

I think maybe one thing I'm trying to say is that I understand and do remember what it was like to have a full schedule and a fully functional body and a huge passion for life, family, friends and work...

Please forgive me for saying this, but I am also rather angry. I think rejection and if there was a feeling called rejection. I know what this feels like. All I am really asking for, is for folks to check in on me from time to time. Just a call ya'll. Be genuine with me. Please.

Time out. Back to bed. Sleep is near.

Think I'll bring my crystals with me as I travel this Path...