The tears fall easy this morning...
...I can just hear the Blue Jay, Cardinal, Doves and Red Crested Wood Pecker over a droaning sound/noise/disturbance...my Bird Neighbours have stopped by for morning meal. The rains have ended and have left coolness to soothe these Spirit's of mine.
The numbers on the sugar-o-meter indicate my chemistry is changing. Numbers lower, just not quick enough for my satisfaction. I dread the idea of having to take more pills/chemicals and the concept of injecting myself is gruesome...
...I am losing weight, lot's of it. I see it on my face and neck, but am only able to feel it around my waist and shirts. Both good yes, for the outside of me. On the inside of me lives the Anorexic Mario. He never left me, bless his heart, but the Bride, has already thrown "that" at me. Hell, even though that piece of me never leaves - I'm so far gone from being anorexic that even bringing it up as a topic is as far gone as The Northern Territories. At this moment, I am as large as the Bison. Would have to shed several five pound sacks of flour for sure. Besides, then was then and I am in the now. As in this moment. Anorexia is just another piece of travel gear. Life's too short, can't you see?
The lodge is silent. I have this handsome Cowboy Jerrod Niemann, singing softly into my mind's ear hole via my one good-bad-right-ear. Am alone. This is when the being alone sets in...today extra hard for some reason...this is when I am able to have a good old fashioned cry. Aloud.
Meniere's Disease, is acting a damn fool this morn, as I have been forced to hear and listen to this low droaning sound since I met this tenth day of February. It sounds like this - droooooooooooaaaaaaaaan, over and over again...sometimes without interuption. Nausea is high and gagged myself into a sore throat just a few minutes past. The dizziness is as an intoxicated one might feel...the perspiration has been on and off. The tears have been moved by this rubbish.
I am exhausted and have been awake just a spell...just so tired of living like this.
May be crawling today, but bet I am remain on my Path.
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