I have not been awake one hour and one half this beautiful clear skyed morn and the crying has already started...this has not stopped for the past one hour. Or since my Bride pulled off to work, really. I love her so very much. She's working so hard to take care of me and my goofy half deaf ass! What am I to do to help her! These bills don't stop coming or our responsibilty does not become any less because someone takes ill...
...so, I sit here sobbing silently so as not to upset our hounds. My left eye orb still doesn't work properly, with relation to tears, it's 25% to my right eye's 100%. Sometimes, this affects my crying, but on a morning like this one, not so much. It's the eye orb that knows it cries. Just more slowly than the other. A consequence of a sugery a bit over one year ago. My lazy left eye...
...I am afraid and scared and horrified of losing any more of my world as I've known it. So much so, I pray to God to help me get my me back. So much has already been lost due to this meniere's disease and the all that is meniere's. It very truly hurts a man's heart and Spirit's when one has lost his meanful and gainful wages of employment due to illness. I think a chunk of the pride piece gets lost too. Even though, I've tried hard not to look at it like that. Being a prideful thing. I can't help it, I suppose.
Savings are tapped into...Bonds are sold...Shares of stock are sold. So much has been sacrificed time and time again, for an illness I would really rather not have.
I am a man who can not run. Or walk without aid...I am a man who can not drive a car or ride a bike/trike. I am a man who wants what every man wants for his wife and family. I am this man being the shell of the man he once was. I'm too young for this.
There's something not right with this picture.
This morning, I am up and awake. My Miss. P.T., will be here any moment. It is time to go to my closet and pick out a nice looking face.
Maybe today, I crawl on my Path...
I have such profound respect for you and Brenda and your love for each other!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could fix your problems, you know, it's kind of like that feeling when you know your child is in need and there is not really anything you can do about it but be supportive? My first impulse is to throw out suggestions like, you are such a talented writer and artist...maybe you could channel some of your good times into creating things to sell from home. I know I would purchase something you made. Even if you come up with some sort of little thing that spreads Meniere's Disease awareness - kind of like a ribbon for breast cancer or AID awareness. But I hesitate to throw out suggestions because I'm afraid I'll upset you or that you've already considered all this. but, I am your friend and I know that you will take what you want and leave the rest because friends do that for each other.
I hope you are having a blessed day today.
Jody, my dear friend, I truly appreciate all that you have shared and think these are brilliant ideas. Over the past two years I have created some Native American dream boxes...it has been a spell since I last picked up a craft. Maybe it's time to stir the paint and pick up a brush or two.
ReplyDeleteThanks for looking out!! Love ya, Mario
I can't hardly wait to buy something!!!!
ReplyDeletecreate something beautiful from your soul.