There is a roar of a huge water fall in the middle of my two brains creating confusing ways for me, dizzy and moments of being displaced. A spinning scenario that has happened twice this evening. The roar of water falls has lasted since 2200 or so.
I very seldom stop to look at time on my watch. television clock, or cell any more. I had kept documents that the state of Florida could only wish their entities could document as well. There is a manila folder for every doctor, agency, organization that I involve myself with presently. With areas pertaining to health, I relinquished control. I damned surely knew I had no other choice. So yes, yes, I have relinquished 99.9999% of that need to control or direct - it's not my job anymore. Okay, I really do still keep a thread or few wrapped around my belt loop. But the huge heavy ass monkey has moved away. This huge job, 'me' had become too much. Illnesses being my monsters and creeps. One example of another positive thing for me, is that I realize I once again learned the hard way. Shit! I hate when that happens, but when I learn - it's engraved on the metal plate attached to the left side of my skull. Oh yes, it's a part of me now, there is skull pieces and fragments that have become entwined with this magnificent piece of medical equipment holding my brains inside. This surgery times a few other times has been a result of the Meniere's Disease that occupies a very large and sad part of my inner head and my/our life. It's true.
Until just recently, for me, a "wow dude, you've been trying to do all of what?", had me beyond occupied. My job is my Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit's. My Sweet Lord, I share I was driving myself absolutely mad. And oh, so damned sad. So too sad. So, I let grow an angry fellow, me, because nobody wanted to be with me - was what the Lil Dude within believed. I always took that shit out on myself. Very rarely would I let my words, anyways, interfere with my life, wife and children, my siblings and nephews and nieces - grown and children. I am naturally sharped mouth, meaning if you put me in the position to say something, I'll oblige you.
I am blessed when it comes to the business of being an uncle and great uncle. A Great Uncle. Lord, I don't know if I have ever had the honor and privilege of having such a greatness before my name. On anything before these beautiful baby's come around. Oje, Mommy, Poppy, when we go see Tio and Tia? Yeah, I know how this feels for real in my core and know this "IS ALL" stuff I want to see in my life. The stuff in life I love and adore. I want to be alive, I will be around and healthy for my siblings and their children, Our Clan. With reunions with in house and our Familia/Family out there, much love has been passed along for quite sometime. Something my Spirit's and energy's realize is this is something Great Spirit has intended on me carrying all of this love in my Center as a body part...
...this body with the body parts and innards is me. And, let me say this because, I HAVE Got A New Attitude! I am steadily assertively myself more and more so realizing and accepting that the Best can only get better from where I'm at. I've got to get back into life. My Right Good Blessed Life and engage My Path. Yes, Meniere's, the Neurological Pain issues and the severity of pain is sometimes just too damned much for me. When I am nauseated and vomiting, my face swollen and purple/red takes my breath away. When the pains engage, I follow my surgeons, doctors and other professionals thoughts of disengaging, by sleeping. My sleeping habits are bad enough without the influence of Meniere's Disease attacks, My God, and all of my Professor's, Doctor's, Nurses, my therapist and Hospitals, Clinics and offices know this. Hyper-Somnia The staff, often awesome, embrace me as a human, for who I am and for what I am. A fellow with issues. Dig? A Good Right Fellow trying like hell to get healthy. I mean, hell fire!
I am familiar with the term disengage, having used this technique since the late 1980's. It works.
If you work it. Really.
Got to step aside a moment. I am feeling something good is happening. Ciao, Bella Botswana!
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