A Dream For A Return To Where My Elders Once Roamed, Meniere's, Doctors and Questions

Something that has been much talked about has been initiated today, with great Faith and hope, plans for a potential move away from the city and along on Up Down South. I am uncertain, but I picked up a bit of irritation from an important individual earlier today. I can't imagine why something with such positive energy would seem to irritate one so damned much, especially since this has been a topic of discussion off and on since the beginning of therapy, four years ago. As I explained earlier in a communiqué, I feel like an American Bald Eagle enclosed and with wings clipped. I remain in exile and if I were to deny this, it would be a lie. I know. This is me I speak of and I’ve none no one or other longer than I’ve known myself.



We all are from the South East United States. My daughters are the Fifth Generation. I am a Mixed Breed, of and from the South Eastern US, you see, and my mixed bloodedness is in its truest finest fashion. Hello. The point is - is that my Mom's Folk's, my Kin Folk's, are from Appalachia. My family has lived in the Mountains and Hills of North East Georgia, Eastern Tennessee, and Western North Carolina. I have a dream and a prayer, Most Holy Great Father, I humble myself before you. I am not worthy of this request, as I strike my chest four times, I wish to pray, Great One, I ask that you please, please Bless it to be, that with some hard work and team work I will be able to move my wife, my Children, our Hounds, back home somewhere Up Down South of here. I intend it to be a nice and rather easy load. Really, after thirty four years of marriage much has been accumulated. Life with my Botswana has been a life I wouldn’t trade. She is my sweet, sweet wife, oh sure, a bit mad, yes, but so sweet. Great God, I petition on behalf of my wife and family, to assist us in coming up with a Business Plan that we could work for our dream to come true. I want to see my reflection in the snow, I wish that the remainder of my life be where the steps of relatives long passed roamed, and lived, and worked the soil. And fought and died.

 

My Dear Guests keep in mind this is all but a dream. With respect to any sort of move, I have so very many questions that I could easily begin a conversation right now. I won't, but I do ask that you to please, consider my plea, for the sake of patient doctor continuity, a miss step with patient, doctor trust and connectedness would create a harsh stumble affect for my path. And really, I've had enough of this stuff right here. So damned much drama where none should be.

I am the patient! Sometimes, yes I forget that it is I who is the patient and I have an extraordinary team of doctors and professors, therapist and their teams, yet oddly I can’t offer an explanation to me being so tired of being tired. I have observed each and every one of my doctors and therapist do their jobs, which is taking care of me, doing everything they can within their powers do to get me to a better place. There are times when a difficult conversation must be had. I expect my doctors and therapist to be ready to handle whatever may come up. Should there be issues with my dream, with my hopes, with this scenario I would remain here near, but I feel in my bones a cabin still. Soon, I pray.

 

So I wonder, do I need a referral from my therapist? How would I approach the State of Florida? I contemplate and consider my disabilities and think how is it I would approach another state? Just like how am I to look a potential employer in the face and not laugh. I see those eyes and I know what this person is thinking. For that matter, one year and one half ago I was told by an assistant manager, that McDonald’s does not hire people like me. Again, I know what that assistant was thinking. He just happened to let that shit slip out the wrong way...

 

...how this looks in an interview as the manager and I talk and I go into one of my stutter fits, and then my left bum eye starts to shape shifting and then we discuss availability, and then we'll discuss how is it our team could depend on a person with these diseases I carry - that without notice, I could have vomiting onto a person, a Partner, or Customer. What about the falls? What about a Meniere's disease that renders me gimpy and goofy and sleeping, way more often than there are days in a one week work schedule. Oh yes, for shits sake, how do I really work around my doctor’s appointments?

 

I say, with these super shots, procedures, and operations. I have received injections by the dozens and dozens, plus more dozens and hundreds which by now is thousands. Yes, I share, thousands of shots and injections, and then of course, this and that's, that come with this shit, Meniere’s, and Neurological Pain and then, with as much gusto I can muster, I move along. I do gladly take them damned all white pills, those which I must eat daily or else. And then, to boot my friends, there is a super market cart full of my health and emotional issues.

All of the above and so much more require I do try to return to the Lands of My Mother's Clan. Along with my wife and daughters, all who are all very highly employable. I receive Disability from my United States of America and am fortunate to have an insurance check from my former employer. Please see and look at me, my Dearest Kindred, from my advantage. Try and understand me as a fellow Earth Mate. So many have and so much has been discussed. I love this place here from where I sit. Sitting here tip-tapping at a nice pace, and yes Mommy, I know this is all but a dream. There are times when I weep aloud and do nothing. Now, I may weep aloud and do something. Lord, I’m not getting any younger. I so wish to dip in the cold fast flowing rivers so clear you can see the bottom.

 

Ma'am, Sir, might you please understand me from where it is my heart and Spirituality is. Could you, would you possibly please see my life from my perspective. Might you understand what it feels like to lose so much of life in my life’s thus far brief visit here on Earth Mother.

Most of all, this is what I truly wish to be reunited with, my Mother Earth. And those Spirit’s that remain and roam. I pray to be at home there. In my dream, but it is here that I love my home and this is a mighty fine home, but you see the house has out grown my wife and I. Three bedrooms and two baths, with a pool and one car garage simply passed us by.

Peace, love and more peace.

Proctalgia Fugax and Meniere's Not Connected

Dearest Reader,

I appreciate the connection about Proctalgia Fugax, and acknowledge there is not a connection between the two disorders/diseases. I have always considered that this was a consequence of the years of sexual abuses, incest and rapes I survived as a child, adolescent and young adult.

That gut feeling that remains with you long after the memory fades. The sensations that I still pick up down there though decades have passed. The horrible pain that is associated with this disorder is horrendous and is beyond my description. And on that note, the best I can say is having your worst damned cramps ever applied to that one such sensitive place on the human body. My cramps last from one half hour to hours of quite literal torture from within my body and yes, my body still suffers. My mind and I continue to weep the years lost to the years of abuse and subsequent years of recovery. The fucking thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars for therapy over decades since then. So please, dear family and friends, do not reprimand me any longer for not getting over this bullshit! It sounds so stupid even sharing that today. I suspect it's easier for you to say. Isn't it? You and your mighty clever and so intelligent ways of life. My rectum is scared. My rectum suffers with this angry proctalgia fugax for decades and I have come to the conclusion that though I continue to work with this and on this subject, it's just become a sad damned fact of my life's story.

It's still too sad that I am paying debts for the Sins of them who came before me. There is nothing to do but live it and that's done everyday of my damned life. Surviving. And I'm alive to tell it!

Dearest Reader, I am sorry that you too suffer from this disorder. I wish you well with your recovery, with your health and your future. I have noticed that for some of us life is easy as pie, as it appears to me anyways, while others of us are our worlds Human Guinea Pigs. I am. Me, my Meniere's and the entire package called Mario.

A Call For Old Kindred Spirit

Old Kindred Spirit,

My dearest long lost Old Kindred Spirit, my Spirit is in remiss.

Life is not the same without you.

There's not much more that I can say other than you are still important to me and my life.

When I have ceremony and the smoke of my smudge rises, I send good energy your way.

As a life friend, I keep having this sensation that I may never see you again.

Too much time has passed and I consider I am not getting younger.

You are always but a thought away and I miss you sadly.

Be well Sis. Hope all is well with you and your Elder.

Peace and Love from my heart,
Big Bear

The Consequences Of Almost Falling Asleep On This Patient, Meniere's, and Neurolgical Pain

It has been a long new year this year 2014. I've actually considered it has been a rather indifferent year for me over this past calendar year. What with the Meniere's, Neurological Pain and other illnesses that have take me to the brink on more than one dozen occasions. I am only human, I am a Man with emotions and feelings. This past year has been a year where I've lost most of my life to sleep due to Meniere's and honestly, this has been the year of so many experience's, I reckon it would require a couple or three more communiqués to share what I have to say. Much of it won't get said, sometimes shit happens and it is the right thing to share and get that shit off my back. I say this from in and out of my body, in and out of my mind. Life isn't getting much longer and I'm not getting any younger. I've taken a grip of my life and I will continue to work the shit out of it and if and when I get to having attacks, I'll take them one at a time, just as I have since this all first started.
 

Speaking of which, I've had well over one thousand injections this same calendar year, which includes every doctor, every procedure and or operation. Never in all my years would I have pictured this in my life, but please understand that for me, these are becoming easier and easier to receive. With each needle, syringe, and injection of whatever medicine I am being injected with it all becomes easier. Since beginning of new year alone, I have received so many shots, I don't even ask what is in the syringe anymore, with what seems like longer and longer needles.

 Is this learning to "let go?" I ask? I don't know. But, could this be what happens when a patient is injected thousands of times? Is this rational or natural for a patient to get to a point that it just doesn't fucking matter anymore? Well then.
 

This could've been a fine topic for therapy with Sir Dude today. This topic was definitely swimming around in the juices that roam about, in and between my two brains.

 I had a Meniere's Attack this past Friday evening. Was taken by surprise, and triggered by something on the television, sometime in the early pm. My balance was put through major changes and as such required aid from my wife to get to my safe place. Where it is the deep indentation of my large frame is placed onto my side of our beds mattress. There have been times I have considered this to be my symbolic nest. My bears den, an Eagles nest even?

 Yes, my friends, this is my nest and this is where I go when my Meniere's strikes like the one Friday, just like every damned post Meniere’s attack. Though this attack was vicious and I was provided the book full of symptoms to go along with the attack, there has been exception of a very long sleep. I did sleep roughly thirty two hours and today the symptoms play mind games with me. Maybe not much more sleep I am aware of, but, this sweating, gagging, and off and on dizziness has me not quite sure what to think of this one particular attack. Considering the nature of this particular post attack, I was able to keep my appointment with my therapist today. I’ve been able to stand tall in spite of my pain and have stood tall.

Good Ole Sir. Dude, though I left there somewhat unfulfilled today, I accept that it was me who has the issues, but then, could it be that my brother just about fell asleep twice today? When all I see are the white’s of your eyes – you are either being possessed, fainting, or falling asleep. Thus, I consider the latter to be truest of all. I don't know if he knows this or not, and oh sure, I mentioned it a year or so ago, that the first time he does doze off - I'm going to scream like a Bitch, like, out-damned-loud. I remember clear as hell back when I did mention this to him, he took slight to it and speculation is he has forgotten. Shoot, I bet I haven't bleeding forgotten. I mean really, I know my shit isn't that damned dynamic, but shit am I that boring neither? Oh, please, let me laugh a minute, because I really don't want this to happen. But Sir, shit, isn't this some rude ass shit for you, my therapist, Mr. Oh-I-Don't-Do-Coffee in the afternoon, to be doing. Please, Sir Dude, if I were you, I would reconsider that no caffeine in the PM thingy. Please know my brother, I am for real, because I share, when that day comes and you do fall asleep - shit's going to change between you and I for sure.
Forever. I may not scream as I playfully mentioned, but I will walk the fuck out.

I'm your God Damned Patient brother, and I surly deserve more respect than this or the ever present concern that one day you are going to drift off. Your disrespect is playing with my emotions. Smokey. So please, and by the way, Sir Dude, get over yourself, you're my therapist, not my God Damned Father.

 You're getting paid - I'm not. Seen? 

Meniere's, Starbucks, and Wolf Cub, A Sister Returns

Hello Kin Folk and Kindred One's,

Today, brought with it activity, a reunion with two good friends of mine over at Starbucks Coffee Store, which is my Starbucks, I mean. I introduced my gentlemen friends to Wolf Cub, a dear friend who I believe in my Center, is a  person I associated with from a long time past, a very long time ago in our pasts. So positive of these energies I have felt the pulse pass through my chest. I say, so much further away than I comprehend. The same energy source within tells me we were not in a Spouse type relationship, but I speculate more like fellow Warriors, members of a very same Clan is what I feel. Many previous lives and times I can and have remembered much and are here with me as they have all my life. I very truly sense a cosmic connection. How thankful I most very truly am! Reader's, I am certain I have spoken about many lessons, blessings, and experiences in my life that transcends my ability to articulate. This morning was our first face to face gathering and knew instantly why I felt so immediate about my new Comrade in arms. It was instant and immediate and just as it was written in the Big Book. What a pleasure to meet such an awesome person and to have Wolf Cub as a friend. Oh, these are exactly the type of Gifts Provided By Great Spirit. There were simply way to many synchronistic things that we discussed. We opened up, talked and spoke as if we were brought up together. Oh yes, this experience earlier today blew my mind. I believe in my energy that Wolf Cub is a Friend Forever. Just like the other Kindred ones, Spirit Kin, as Wolf Cub says, 'it is what it is'.

I learned an ultimate lesson today. My friend has many similar symptoms as I have and she must deal with the same shitty nausea, dizziness, and sleep issues, plus so too much else. So much that there were times I restrained from shedding tears in public. She is one who wears similar shoe size as I, same as so many other members of my family.

Oh yes, I simply must say, it was some gathering it was. Soon, the four of us will break bread and eat my wife's lasagna that is my Mom's recipe. It is such a bonus to think, bake and remember exactly how my Mom did hers. Mom always made her lasagna for special gatherings. Well, I reckon a special gathering comes soon. I am near giddy with anticipation, our new friends and look forward to living life. She taught me to visualize just how lucky I am, and I was able to, almost like provided permission to feel cornucopias chock full of blessings.

I am the Blessed One. I know this. Seen.

Meniere's was too damned active and at times had me twisted up something bad on my scalp and head and inside my scalp. I sweat for hours today and gagged on nausea all damned day - burping and trying not to project my vomit. The dizziness was damned dreadful, I shared same with Botswana about busting face first into door frames, I mean there were a couple of times where I bashed by head hard enough to yell some profanity or another. My left face has had three facial spasms, leaving my left face and ear sore and achy. The left temple area has a concentration of a dizzy pain.

How sweet it is!

I have nothing more to say.

My Eye's, My Eye's

Greetings,

Just a true brief note.

There have been several issues with my eyes, a few have been a constant and daily.

One issue has been the wiggle affect. This is where I see life out here with the wiggling of one eye, on or the other. This my friend, packed along with all of the other Meniere's Disease and the symptoms that travel with me. Every damned day...

...another affect is when my vision become 'wavy' like. As in actually observing waves of rolling ocean, sea, or Gulf Coast beach waves, but you see, this is vision from my life. This is how I see at times, and I must ask, 'can you really understand what I am sharing with you here?

There is a large dark area in my right eye orb that abstracts my vision, and yes, I meant to report that as such. This big dark orb lives within my damned eye - damned thing will catch me off guard and cause me to have a damned fit for Pete's sake! I mean, damn it!

Yes, I wear glasses and it has been over one year this past March for an eye examination. My reading has taught me that my vision has changed for the darker to begin with, I don't need some Child-Doctor-Vision Doctor tell me that shit...

...but My Sweet Lord, lead me to the person with the knowledge and expertise to aid me with these problems with my vision. For shits sake! I don't want to be deaf and blind! And oh no, there is no exaggeration with that being said...

...my sweet Mom was Blind when she Crossed Over back in 2003. Don't curse me Ma! :)

Good Night Mr. Custer, Good Night Long Hair!

Greetings to all of my Guests and Readers,

As I have done since I was a boy, I acknowledge and never burn candles on this day. Custer's death along with roughly two hundred or so other White men thinking they were about to slaughter an entire village of Native American/Indian's...

...Mr. Long Hair, AKA Mr. Ego Custer, who was betrayed by his several of his peers decided to raid the wrong folk at the wrong time and definitely the wrong time.

Mr.Custer, and some of the 7th, were treated like idiots for what they had done. The were slaughtered for what these White people's people did. For hundreds of years, the Native cultures were purposefully torn and split...

...for hundreds of years, the White people stood by and let civilians and the military kill, rape and steal from our native brothers. Prior to Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Red Cloud, amongst so many other Chiefs and Hero's having way with Long Hair, and just days before this battle, hundreds of Men, Women, and Children were slaughtered in a surprise attack. For hundreds of years these White People stole from the Native Nations, this country's First Nations and conducted these tortures as business as usual.

I'll remember this day for the remainder of my life, the 26th of June 1876. Imagine how the press handled this days later when the Yankee's found this bit of history out. Weee Doggie!!

The Wannabe General, you see, he was not a General when he led his troops to death. Oh yes, speaking of death, are you aware that many of Mr. Custer's men killed themselves out of pure horror from the War Cry's and total slaughter.

Good Night, Mr. Custer, Good Night Mother Fucker.

A Meniere's Report, From a Patient

Greetings Reader,

My name is Mario. This is the ways of my Meniere's disease, as it has influenced me for the past twenty four hours, and a Meniere's Report, From a Patient.

Nausea since yesterday so yes, I would say twenty-four hours of nausea that has often times sat it seemed right below my Adams apple. I am as disgusted now as I was disgusted last afternoon. It burping mental thing I went with isn't helping worth a damn so I feel more certain than a shrink explaining dude, it was all a figment of your mind. It was just my imagination, running away. My theory was based on the belief that if I burped these air-gases would be expelled and I would feel better. I did this and so I thought it was working, I practiced this for so many years. My right good Dr. Danner, with me as the one who ate the medicines, doctor prescribed every anti-nausea medicine he could think of. Nothing worked, not behind or over the counter worked. Today, as in right now, I feel what feels like plug of vomit blocking egress. I’m unable to do anything about it, but live with it. So I do, and move along doing the best I can, Burping and swallowing.

 

I have been sweating at some level or another since I awoke. I wear loose fitting garments, often times go through three to four t-shirts a day, wear bandannas, and try not to think about it. There are members of my family who sweat while they eat, I believe there’s nothing to do with a disorder by any name; they simply sweat when they eat. No. I do not eat with them. Whew, that would mess (fuck) up my state of mind in an instant. These Meniere's disease sweats occur night and day. There isn't a need, or an initiator of these symptoms, these sweats, perspirations’, and misting. I wake up in the night sweating from sleep. I mean? Occasionally, I may get respite in the huge refrigerator at The Wa - Wa’s store up on Water's Avenue. Also true, while in a air conditioned market, big box stores, or a mall, I will capture moments of time before and after sweats. No, there is nothing to do, no pill to eat or take. Just deal...

...and do the best I can.

My Dear Reader's, there has been a constant urgent sound of Maoris’ Code that has been stationed in my Deaf Left ear since last night. Fortunately, it is intermittent, but when it strikes it stays for an hour or so. Yes, so many sounds and noises from my Deaf Left Ear. This ear out of sound. I do have an implant. It is BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It is, implanted on the left side of my skull. I remember the sounds of surgery. Yes, I do and I say, I try, and I try to ignore the sounds that harass me daily, but really, that would be like trying arrange World Wide Peace as a Committee of One. I've had two implants here at the same site, a second implant was placed so that it would extended more outward. I have what looks like the gap satellite disc in Puerto Rico with a trajectory device coming from. I've had Folks, as in many people; break my space to get a closer look. Children are the most precious when it comes to their curiosity and a man with a pipe stuck in my head or when wearing the processor, goodness the eyes I have seen bulging from young innocents, looking at this large fellow with a gap in his skull. Little do others know there is also a titanium plate that rests on the top left of my skull, like where I tilt my base ball cap.  

Along with the perspiration and nausea has also been a dizzy spell that has been random off. Seldom do I get a rest from dizziness. Today I have had two near falls and three stumbles. This dizziness is a slight form an intoxicating sort. Rather like a light tipsy, here, even the slightest of dizziness requires I beware and to be aware. Real quickly, let me share a frustration that continues to build within and that is frustrating because I have people split immediately down the middle on this one topic and that topic is 'when walking, which way should I be most concerned with - look lower towards the Earth Mother or upwards, as in looking up eye level?' I suspect Kind Folks might be more aware of their health and mind their ways of walking like apes.

I await the arrival of my mate like a hound awaits the arrival of her human. True. She is My Queen, my Pretty, Pretty Princess, and My Ole Guul. Yep, that's just the way it is, she's My Rock too..

I wished to keep this communiqué strictly on the Meniere's front, so I will. The Ole Guul I was speaking about is on me constantly, "Keep an eye on one task at a time.", "Why do you insist on multi tasking?"

Until the next we chat, please, you all be safe and do take care of yourselves...


A Summer's Day Years Ago

A summer years ago, I remember being at a river for swimming and enjoyment. Family time, laughter, the sound of children with joy.

 

The water flowing down mountain side at an easy roll, smoothly rolling along rocks that have been there since time began. Boulders large as trucks - large as tanks, river rocks under feet.

 

I had Two Ears then, and in this village, I was known as Big Bear, and I sat there letting these little pesky fish nibble at my toes. We all remember that warm summer day. I always thought and think of the Nail Replacers, letting aqua tanks filled with flesh eating fish to let eat customers toes and feet. No, not I and not in a sauna neither... Hardly in the wild, yet one had to be there to get it really. Oh, how funny those little tickling sensations felt on each toe.

 

As if yesterday, I sat there so still, for what felt like a peace serenity bath by God, remembered being baptized there in the flowing river that was so cold I would ensure we all got out for a break every so often. 

 

I enjoyed observing a large cloud of beautiful Butterfly's - yellow and white colors, a fluttering cloud of nature live and with our naked eye. It is here where the water is clear and so cold that it takes time to grow accustomed to the cold as a winter’s rain. It was then and there, in the summer of a commitment to my Sister Easy Face and the Little Bears.

 

That summer, my relationships with my niece, and nephew's, Little Bear and Baby Bear, and my dear Sister, changed. As I made sure we were all safe there that afternoon, evacuating the water when a snake swam across that fast moving river. From that summer’s Day on, my sweet wife and daughters were there with me and by my side. There on the banks of that sweet clear cold water, I became the Uncle every child would want to have. I've loved these children, who are now grown ass adults, one with three children. Easy Face, my dear sis, you know I made it my business to keep more than just an eye here with them. I left my heart, oh how I have loved them as if mine.

---

[1][1][1]

Sea Sickness On Land, Meniere's, Pain And Kin Folk

Howdy Folks,

I wish to share with you this peculiar sickness of getting sea sickness on land. Here in Tampa, Miami, Avon Park, and Tallassee too. This is usually when Meniere's is zoning in on a specific symptom for a while then later on will add sweating, perspirations, the gagging and vomiting. Today, while here in exile. I've had all of the above has since I got up from a sleep that lasted just short of twenty hours. For just way too long, my friends I have let this sleep dictate my day to day. Well, Poop! All of this sea sickness - is true? This has been attached to my life source...

...dear friends, understand this before I go much further, I love my life! I love my wife! My beautiful daughters, I am breathing this side of better. Oh shit! Let me share something really ugly that came across my life, home, and heart. While I was conducting a Medicine Inventory that very unfortunately, I have had a visitor to my sanctuary steal medicine from me. And for shits sake I have had this drama building over the past week or so, I wanted to see if I would stumble upon them in the medicine box in the bath, or in my back pack, but no. 60 tablets of my medicine. Tonight the count confirmed one of my Guests, stole medicine addressed to me. I mean, what disrespect is this? I've not let one strange person into my lodge - all family, my Clan, and friends. That's a bitter note - but, now I know. As a Fellow Patient, I plead with you my friends; please ensure security of your medications.

O

h yes! There are many times being Single Side Deaf, when the good-bad-other ear that plays bad psychological torture games on me. Those that stir are the most horrifying sensations in my heart's of being punished. Especially in public when reprimanded for "not listening", I have had the horror of getting lost again as an adult and remember it as if it was all just yester year.

Well, Kindred, all of this may had been written in the Big Book and how we have expectations as Christians. I am a Christian; I have been baring my Crosses since I was a damned boy. Oh sure, this and that is/was to be mine to have these Crosses to bear. Am I living a Life to erase the Sin's of My Father? My Sins done, I have worked, and worked and struggled with this shit, still, I feel unforgivable you see. I do not wish to be hanged! Please God! Stop this Meniere's disease! Please, My Lord, take away the Sins of my life. My Lord, take away the Sins of my World.

Today is a Great Day to Die!! Soon we we'll celebrate Long Hairs Last day On the Earth.

How can I convey in words that are clear as crystal, say to you that I am planning on being here a spell. So, no my Family and Friends, there is no reason to be interested in dyeing. I will say there can be too many days when I really don't want to be here. I have a strong and deep desire for a return to our home, here is home, and there is home. I figure maybe it's about time to get my bottom up. Continue with intention, walk around here in my immediate here. Here, for all what reasons do I have here? My Wife, I love her every day of my life - even when I carry a gag ball in my throat, when I feel as if I'm about to hurl major chunks, sometimes spontaneous projectile vomit. Yes. Vomit. And around me, I'm sea sick.

I've been my semi active today, pushing it with a couple new gut exercises. But, that damned gimp I am made me a gimp today. Yes. That's what I said. Yes, I loved myself to day, but dang.

A Life with This Type of Pain is inhumane. How much pains are we and me to endure.

I might need to get more company here, yes, I like that, get much company here.

I watch the Sunrise and I see the Sun Set, very much as I have done since we were a Family of Nine. I remember, Dad, would take me with him to deliver the Tampa Tribune News Paper back in the mid-1960. We'd get up around 0430 and be out the tossing those papers! Whew! My Dad did have an awesome Hook!! And was doing it before Kareem! Yes, Family, Dad and I, would be working before Sun Rise and listen to the Old AM Black radio station. I've been working since! Well, nope, I worked until the disease Meniere's moved in... Oh what wonderful memory's! And able to say I worked six decades of my life. Excuse me. Fuck you Meniere's!

My Mom and Dad, gone now a few years, Little Brother David rests with them up there on that

As we will surely love to sit on our beautiful wraparound porch like the one at Uncle Henry's Farm. I believe in my inner self, Mommy, would have wanted to stay in East Tennessee. Maybe Tennessee, we've always loved them mountains. Or even Kentucky. Oh my goodness.

I miss every one of you! My Aunt Billie, My Abuela Mary, my Aunt Bunny. Oh, all of my cousins up there chilling with the elders. Abuelo Mario, so too many Aunts and Tia's and Tio are our Uncles. My Dearest Tia Josephina! Abuela Mimi!! Our Sweet Tia Rosa, who lived right around the corner from us.

As goofy as this may sound, with our near half acre, our pool and this three bedroom lodge and our contents are becoming a bit much. I began a process of donating years ago. Time to get that started again.

May I have a Vacation My Lord? May my wife and I have a very nice holiday in the cabin?

• May it please be possible that I return to Cherokee and stay a spell? Stay around for the Cherokee way. Is this so wrong for me to ask for a break from this pain? Make a break from this Meniere's disease and I always take my necessary inhalers. My Heart is ready, my Spirit's are ready. Big Bear please Sir, stir!

A New Meniere's Disease Symptom, In My Right Eye

Dearest Guests,

Hello, Friend,

I wanted to capture just a quick chat please. There's a bit of information here I would appreciate having a moment to share, with hopes that I will succeed in sharing with you and all readers of a new symptom which I suspect is Meniere's Disease related. From the information's I've gathered, and an extraordinary professor that is my Extraordinary Professor, she seems so sure and certain that I am in low on the migraines scenario, and higher with certainty about the Neurological Nerves and innards cut during several operations.

I hope I will share information this evening to provide an insight to one of only God, knows how many symptoms are attached to a disease. Speak with you, and invite you into my shoes for one minute. To report and chat about my health battles and continuation of issues with Meniere's Disease Attacks. There are so many symptoms of this, my Meniere's Disease.

There has been a new symptom found or come through for me if you wish. This evening while seating and chatting with my dear Botswana, my eye orb dictated the time to have me introduce to this oddity and it was tonight. This new damned symptom that involves my right eye orb. Yes, I do wear glasses and have done so since my late thirty's. But, what's a Man to say? I have experienced this not more than five times, but not less than four times, the sensation that my vision has gone into a very liquidity lava distorted viewing type thingy. This is different than when I get the 3D vision.

Kindred, I wanted to point out that I am approaching things lighter now days. I just heard a Rooster Caw! I am practicing a form of Mindfulness, hoping with a certain calm that will aid and assist those in my Circles in hospital. My Joe Cool, Mr. Friendly And Deaf Too, and Mr. Afro is reminiscent of my youth. I was always in search of a Peaceful way to deal with things. With Life. Oh, please, I have stuff to take care of and this new attitude has me attempting to create new ways and forms on how to battle this disease, Meniere's and the basket of other odds and ends.

Wow! I Like The Sound Of That, Meniere's Talk

Kindred One's,

Seems as if It was just a day or two passed, I responded to three different inquiry's.

I never mention names, because I can't. I believe in strict confidentiality. For the record, your information is private. Private even from me. Unless you establish contact, at which time I make myself free for a conversation and connection.

We just had a reader, probably within the half hour inquire about "Meniere's Talk". Wow!

Goodness Gracious! I love the whole sound of those two words. The energy that comes from such talk. Oh, my dearest Reader, please let me thank you from my heart to yours. Even if there is already an established group, or individual with such terminology, I will consider alternatives that will point out that we are here and we are free to have connection, contact, and talk here with our fellow Meniere's Disease Survivors.

Sadly, there are many of us that have become engulfed by the horrible storm and horror's. I fell. We all fall. The knowing of helplessness is a reality, and our Brothers and Sisters become surrounded by the disease and their emotional enemy's, and if our fellow survivors do not fight the battle, they too will become Home Bound. Exiled. Recluse. Yeah sure, I keep it real with my immediate Clan and attempt to communicate here on blog, but Sis, Brother, this is for real. For damned real.

There are many of us who have become Warriors for the cause. I ask you please, find a Doctor with a clinic prepared to assist you with the War you and your Doctor are about to embark. There are no short cuts with Meniere's Disease. Yes, the pain. My beautiful left face drooped down twice post operations. Both times recovering fairly well, with the exception of my dear left eye. It just doesn't cry like it used to. I miss that. I miss not being able to hear the rain outside. I hate it that I will never be able to sample Dr. Dre's head set that blows folks brains into some Funky stuff. How does a person, LIKE ME, who is single side Deaf, get to groove to Dr. Dre's fabulous Head Sets?! IDK!

A Meniere's Attack, I Tip-Tap, My Pain Levels, And My Levi's 501 Button Fly's

Yes, that was an attack of Meniere's earlier that was such a swift ambush. Nope, this is not the first time and it won't be my last. These attacks of Meniere's, no matter what the doctor or patient calls it, the Vertigo Attack, is in my skin. That was an extreme case of a Meniere's Disease.

There's so many appointments with my doctors and therapist. So much is happening and very much is going on. I'm keeping a mental note of where it is I will head as my destination once I've gained some mobility, crawled, or Wall Walked - using the walls as an actual tool to get from one point in my lodge to another. I hope my fellow survivors of Meniere's Disease find ways to get from the Florida Room to their Safe Place with out harm or falling. I go through this every time. There are no guarantees, but I give it my best shot every time shit like that happens. Shit, is a good description of invisible diseases - in my World, at this moment is Meniere's Disease, Neurological and Anesthesia Pain, and Asthma.

I sweat as my left eye is closed, I am dizzy, and tip tap this communique. Sweating.

My Pain levels have been between a four and sevens today and since the 13 June. The day I had a procedure at TGH/USF. Injections by the dozen which at best worked maybe 32 to 48 hours. Nothing more. Today and now, I sit here in pain that if I was in hospital, my doctors would medicate me. I have no doubt. I swear these Pain Level Sevens are damned dreadful, creating confusion and wreck havoc on my body and mind. This is about where I get withdrawn in a purposeful way I promise. I simply do not wish to trouble my spouse, Kin or Kindred.

I have concluded that next visit I will request massage therapy for a time to see if there is benefit. Nothing to lose, but an awesome continuation of losing weight. Minor exercises, because the medicine I swallow for this is a strong medicine. One I was unfamiliar with prior to it being prescribed for me. It is quite the interesting pill and it is my true belief my mind and body had to wrap their energy around this pain medication. I and My Path has had to adapt like nothing before. One of the strongest fights with a pill or capsule, but I fought the symptoms that were compounding symptoms from other diseases and health related issues. Oh, my good day! I keep moving on. And something tells me to keep on keeping on.

My Levi's 501 Button Fly's are awesome happy sick! I've been conducting an experiment with these and this is what I did: I did not wash them daily nor after the second month of wearing them. Granted, I did not wear them daily, but between the wear I suspect, hanging them to chill out of closet has helped ease those damned first wash wrinkles down at calf level. These are my first pair of shrink to fit ever and what on Earth is this?! I still have plenty room about my waist and birthing hips. There is a slight differential in color and I am pleased beyond expectation. I am thrilled! Yes, out of habit with my new 501's, I roll them from ankle up to waist and reverse the process. Back in the 80's and 90's, I rolled them up, I would starch and press them stiff. I don't want the feeling of starch and stiff denim up against my soft flesh and body parts. There are two other Levi 501's in my closet, all three are different in size. One is too big, the other is a wee-bit tight, and these the ones I wear mostly, are the absolute best fit and they've not even shrunk to my size yet. Ha! What a responsibility!

Great Spirit, Bless Our Earth Mother, please.

A Meniere's Attack On Line. Earlier, A Happy Reunion!

Greetings,

I have had a reunion with a fond friend and my heart is good. She, her husband and I worked together in a place I refer to as The Big Blue Box. Not to be confused with my main source of transportation, The Little Blue Bus. Actually. just got off the telephone coordinating transport to see a member of my Better Health, Mind, and Body Team. Him and I cover points on the mind piece. Great dad, the things Sir Dude and I have been through, the things and theories we've often spoken of. He has been a sharp shooter and I appreciate that. I reckon and reconsider that with me and my multi's, my right good Sir Dude, has had to be and he has done exceptionally well with me as a patient. And I am an admitted sharp shooter also. On Occasion Only. I like that, O.O.O.

I digressed. Please pardon me, and as I was about to share, my heart and spirit's are in a happy place. This reunion transcended time of many years, and we shared our battles with our health and reflecting we're still living a life, a blessed life and I am so happy we did have our Little, Big Gathering. I'm so glad to see that we are still holding on to life with a purpose and with intention. Over these past few years I often prayed for her and the family. It was for me just something natural, as I have done since I was a little Boy, ,y dreams and prayers, and here I am this afternoon, having shed a good few happy tears, I feel refreshed in here. I Thank Great Spirit, for our Reunion.

My hearing has been giving me complete hell today! Though I only have hearing in one ear, the right-good-bad ear, everything outside of my immediate area was tremendously loud. It is as if I woke with an exceptional hearing multiplied ten times over. I did have my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid with me and utilized it until every and all sounds and noises were to much. I put up a good fight and required I pull as much energy as possible from other sources within my innards. At this moment my Left Deaf ear is listening to a type writing class. Yes, each and every type writer in class going on at expert speed for what has been tow hours, five minutes. I want to scream! I want to cuss up a damned storm! But for what? My right good-bad-ear-to-the-brain, has been listening to foot long cicadas. Perhaps hundreds and thousands of dozens cicadas! All Gazillions! Hold it! Medicine time!

Right. Took a tiny teenie white pill, hoping this will help me in more than one way. I take it sub lingual and though it tastes like um, medicine, I let it sit there till it dissolves and we become like one in here and I hope to move along.

Along with the giant cicadas, I hear other insects that also seem to be way too much larger than reality. Please understand, I mean to say that this shit is a treacherous torture that must have some sort of remedy. Yes, yes I eat and swallow each and every medicine prescribed for me. I don't over use, and speaking of which, I really do follow each doctors orders. I am a cooperative patient and I consult with the Creator when I ask Special Favor for my Doctors, All. I swear here today that I trust each with my life. Honestly, in this stage of my life there's no where else I would rather be. Having worked since pre-teen, working hard all life, to find myself being in this unfortunate situation can really sometime cut to the bone. Yet I believe in my Spirit's, My God has me wearing these boots for a reason. I have been here on Earth Mother 54 years and there's something in me that lets me know I am not done here yet. Way so too many damned close calls. I've learned ALL of this, it's not in my hands. My life, it is as it was written long ago, as it was that I should have these diseases and health conditions. My Children, my sweet dear Wife. Our lives, my Life. My Path.

My left eye is beginning to slowly close letting me know that I was just slapped across my face by a Meniere's Attack. Wow. Live coverage even. I pray not, but the spinning at the tip top of my head says, you silly little boy...

...I've got to go. Love and peace to all!

A Response To Inquiry's, Meniere's Disease: Psychological Suicide, Ear Popping and F*** Meniere's

Kindred,

I considered that I would take a few minutes to address three topics that came across. I'll take one at a time specifying as I address them. These are not in any fashion in any order and are replied to honestly and only as a patient of Meniere's Disease. I am not a Doctor or Health Professional of any sort. These are simply a response to inquires, questions and again, are address to as the question came up in search. Inquiry's


We had a guest who in no uncertain way or another, stated "fuck Meniere's disease". Just like that. Hmm, what can I say but other than for fucking real fuck meniere's disease! I wonder if I should type that 100 times someday, somewhere. But yeah! *fuck meniere's disease*.

Oh Goodness Gracious, Great Ball's On Fire! One dear reader addressed - meniere's disease ear popping. I will share and say simply that this is from my perspective and experience ONLY. I share and say, BOTH MY LEFT DEAF EAR AND MY RIGHT HARD OF HEARING EAR, pop all the damned time. Every day - without FAIL. Everyday - every week - every month! For years! So yes, I personally agree and am able to provide testimony that "I", have had ear popping from before the diagnosis. Oh, and please let me share this. Even though I am 100% Deaf in my Left Ear, I can still feel, sometimes with a vengeance my Deaf Ear Pop. Usually, when this happens I have a big start and have had too many embarrassing moments to share about "meniere's disease, ear popping.

Due to the nature of this form of questioning and or type of connection, contact, I must make perfectly clear I approach this with only my gut and emotion, because I have been here and have worn these size shoes before. This reader addressed me by 'menerie's psychological suicide. Right. This is where I say steadfast that I am a patient. I have been a patient with Meniere's and it's subsequent attacks and surgery's. My goodness what an experience. As a patient I am Very Happy with my Surgeon, my Meniere's Disease Specialist, is someone very near and dear to me. I love him and trust him with my life. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, changed my life. Forever. As I knew damned well beforehand that shit was about to happen. With My doctor, his Audiologist, and awesome staff across the Team are extraordinary Folks. BUT! You see, I had to make that commitment to myself first! There were things that I had to take care of before the surgery's that would render me Deaf. I was swiftly heading in that direction and this Right Good Doctor diagnosed me minutes after we met with this fucking Meniere's Disease. Read. My left eye orb has still not recovered from any surgery's. I mean Morrison, I've had so many surgery's that made my face distort, I looked like some sort of freak. I had so many surgery's and procedures I have lost count. Honest to God. Oh, how I have photos of me then but I am embarrassed to share them. Dear Reader! Understand this! I have had to commit many small emotional and psychological Death's since these diseases and their symptoms created such horrific like scenario's - where one can only scream and howl with our guttural mammal instinct and thoughts and ways of living change forever in my one afternoon. So shit yes, chips of me had to be chipped away, a major life change was upon me and my path. The stresses were through the roof! My Good God, there were so too many Wars and Battles going on within. So many that caused and helped my battle wounds fester create infections from the diseases in my body. I'm alive and plan to live on as long as Great Spirit will have me here on Mother Earth. The emotional and psychological stuff was mine and is mine today. This is why I visit with the same therapist I hired about six or so years ago. From right there, Sir Dude, my therapist has been a core member of my team. I give him and feel obliged to provide same respect as any other member on my team. With his guidance, I have been ago to chip and go. I have to come out of this for real shitty disease alive and happy. Yes, for real.

Peace, you all!! Thanks for the holler!

Ciao, Becky!!

Procedure At Tampa General Hospital/University of South Florida

Greetings,

I had a procedure yesterday at Tampa General Hospital's, Neurological Pain and Sleep Disorder Center. A very dear physician and addition to my team is actually one known as a Fellow. Ya-Hey! Let me share that my Dr. K., is incredible! I can not even pronounce his name yet and it's close to tough so it's Dr. K. He loves it.

The procedure I had included what was possibly a couple of injections, I wanted to count them, then as it was under way. Then I got, I had received such enough injections that I forgot to remember to count them. Good God. My Doctor went from one shoulder ball/bulb that goes into that socket, he provided injections from one side of my large shoulder, all the way to the other bulb/ball of my right shoulder. I was not in the position to deny the continuation of procedure because my right side has begun to mirror my left side issues and pains - it always has. It's just the left side has been the most painful and problematic. And my Damned Neck!!

I wish to thank all doctor's, nurses, and staff at Moffitt Cancer Center here in Tampa at the University of South Florida. The Doctor Fellows here are all familiar to me as they have observed and or participated in some or one procedure or another. Great Spirits! Dr. Fellow Stewie! Dr. Fellow, Dr. Morales! Dr. Patel! My Dr. Sarria! Thank you all for the experience's I had as a patient with nurses and staff at Moffitt. God Bless You all, one and all!

Oh shoot! Let me share that on Tuesday past, when I was visiting Moffitt, I was informed that the injections I received there in May sometimes take thirty days to begin to work - this procedure took place 14 May 2014. I asked Ms. Nurse Doctor, so like, when 14 June comes around, this  medicine should be kicking in. I further said, in four days? Her reply was yes. Oh Yes she did.

On Monday, 09 June 2014, I received Injection while at T.G.H./U.S.F. To offer relief of the pain I was suffering from at that very moment. Oh, my blessed professor!

The pains tonight have been so too much pain, so painful I can't sleep or rest. For now. Today is Father's Day and I surely don't want to let this interfere with My Queen's plans. These pains and this Meniere's Disease have been fucking with me all day. Pain at an 8 in my neck and back. Dizzy spells that linger for hours at a time. The noises and sounds that drive me near madness. Shit yeah, I can tell you what that smells like too!. I have been nauseated to vomit, I have had stumbles, and sweating in air conditioning Lodge is my wildest thing. Truly, all of Meniere's Disease symptoms are disgusting and humiliating enough to chip away at one's - MY very well self being. My ego. My Child With-In who is very much alive in my Center.

I love the little things in life. I want to live and return to that Out-Standing person I was not that long ago. Oh my Dearest Sweet God, guide me to a place. a spot where I'll be able to use my hands to create. I wish to be a contributing member to my Family's.

I will keep every body posted on the  symptom's post procedure.

Ciao, Bella. Besos! Mario

Family Love, My Sister's, Birth, Death, Love, Forgiveness

Hello Dear Guests,

Yes, time here in the Eastern U.S., is still way in the wee hours at this time. As in 0310. This is the time of night when relations are torn apart, when people say good bye. Now is the time of night when our Elders pass over. Alone in the Nursing Home/Center/Hospice, because family don't have time for that shit. No. Not no more, Hun. Not for Mom. Or Daddy. Our Aunts, Uncles, all must be attended to by others. It seems. My/our dearest Brothers, or Sisters. Rarely, of so barely rarely does the Family Honor The Elder at home. In the place where Dad lived, and was as comfortable as possible. Family there to aid him, family beside or with him 24 hours per day. I wish to acknowledge my dear sweet Baby Sister Linda and my Brother-In-Law Bill. It was because of them and their sacrifices for our Daddy while he stayed in a place he loved, and Linda, for keeping Our Dad under Dad's roof. So very important.

How Dad said Hello to the other side in front of his children, while just hours or even minutes before Dad was speaking and loving and so worried about the Job, Leading our Family's Still.

I know my Daddy, rests well in heaven. I believe in my hearts chambers that Dad is in Heaven with Mom, All of my Grand Mothers, All of my Grand Fathers. Them I met, when I was too young to remember, I say thank you for all of your love. To my Grand Pa's Great Grand Pa, for fighting in the Civil War. For all of my Elders who fought and engaged the enemy while in the U.S. Military. I see my Great Grand Parents clear as a summer day here in the South. My Great Grand Mother born in Key West before the bridge. We were Southern by birth you see. We're all of mixed blood, some of us more mixed than my Kin Folk before me. When my Ma and Pa met back in 1957, little did they know by mixing the family blood this much more, we were going to have some very true Mixed Blood people. I share that within my Ma's and Pa's Crew, I had only one sister with true Blond hair. Three of us had the extremely curly dark hair, and three with the light brown/dirty blond hair. I call my blond Sis, Face, in honor of our Baby Brother David, who passed over back in 2001. I swear, it feels like yester-year to me. My Our Little Brother couldn't pronounce her name, so he called her Face, and Face is one of my four baby sister's, all baby's because they're all younger than me. All, my Baby Sister's, and Good Jesus, how I love you all. Oh yes, by the way, I am known as a Mixed Blooded One in the U.S. Census. True story. I mean, for Shits Sake, I am a Mixed Blooded person, from where I sit, my energy tells me that our blood line is to become richer and mixed much, much more. I am pleased. My youngest of Sister married a Polish Jew, many years ago, then not but ten or so years ago, She My Baby Sister, began to birth children later in life, and due to this, I have two beautiful wonderful nephews. I love them with all my heart. Such good little Mixed Blooded Jewish Boys. Oy!

I am proud of my eldest daughter. I am aware, and see too, as a fellow Child of The Fall, she moves along at God's Pace, not ours. I love my Eldest Child, she lives in a land very far away, I am unable to touch my child, or give her a Fathers Hug, but I wait. Like a good father would. I have accepted the hands of the fellow who wishes to wed my daughter. I wait. I always miss both of my children. Honorable Daughter Number One and Honorable Daughter Number Two. My babies my sweet dear Pretty, Pretty Princesses, Pass the stories on to your children. Please, as the Mother of your Children, you will feel this in your chest when the time is right. I love you both more than I can say. This is my business, you see, once upon a time, my daughters were actually "roomie's" of mine and their mama's for many years. They're good strong willed Women! Both passionate about life and are World Traveler's. I mean, they've been to Las Vegas and beyond! Bloody Hell!!

Any way's, I must go. Be sweet darling's, I love you all!

Ciao Bella!

P.S. Dad, yes Sir., I forgive you! I love you Dad and I miss you so very much. My Father, thank you for your lessons. Thank you for being the Father of Seven Children. I don't know how you and Ma made it, but as a 54 year old fart machine, I thank you first of all, and I love you!!

A Trusted Truth Is Included

Relations,

The last I was here, I shared my thoughts about a newly inherited attitude. After some consideration, my belief is that along with this change in attitude must come a truth that may include hurting me in some emotional way or another. I realize this. I accept this too. As I have always promised, my blog, Mario's Path is a place where I feel safe and have not lied or bent truth, I have been Man Up on the subjects that are covered here. It's true you know? About me feeling safe here, Like an extension in The Cave Occupied By Man and Woman, this is where I can let go and chat a spell.

I read/heard some where that I pray till it hurts and have prayed so several times in my life. I may pray daily, just not till it hurts. Sometimes until I fall asleep, or I'll say a mini Rosary a few times and be off to sleep shortly after. As I have my entire life, I plan on continuing to pray daily, how often and how long is truly my business, but getting to point in mind is, I wish to be  painfully 'honest' in my day-to-day. I wish to learn this truth from within out, so it is necessary that I begin from my heart. For some reason, I'm not sure if many have considered me one who prays. I do. Or some who consider what is this path I so often speak of.

Well, hello. Here it is, here is where I am and hello, this me, Mario and this is my path. A place where it is I am able to share with my fellow readers, I am here for those who seek information  about Meniere's Disease and it's consequences, them that are pre and post attacks. I have Asthma Attacks, the asthma that takes my breath away is going to be attacked with "more medicine and chemical", but I must do this if I should want to breath next decade. Or the next decade.

These many, so many procedures, surgery's, operations, and hospitalizations over the past few years, all of which can be and have been conducted in clinic, in surgical rooms or procedural rooms. I have had dozens and dozens of these, I reckon I am the real Slice and Dice Man, himself. Oh, Angel. I know that it is my business to keep this Business of mine in some sort of shape. Eh? I must you see, the business is called 'me and my body, mind and spirit's'. I'm too young at 54 for all of this bull shit luggage. I have had struggles. Oh Shit, I've had some really shitty phases and struggles and so far I am right here and about to jump up on this wave I see up ahead and ride the hell out of it! Good day, I have had had me caged my Big Bear up again!. Too long a spell it has been. When I see a big one headed this way, well shit, I'll Hang 10 then!

Readers and Guests, know that I do not name names. The confidentiality rule is very strict,  steadfast and dates back to when I was attending Groups and then Facilitating Groups for well over ten years. Maybe twelve? As a note, I am not going to just begin a process of verbal vomiting by dropping this or that. What it is I am attempting and yearning to express today, is to share that I have been honest on my blog and my path all along. From Blog 1, that is the way it has been. In my Core, I believe there is no need for Folks to lie in life. No need to be Bull Shitting Folks. You know what I mean? I see, hear, and smell them daily. The Yuck and Such, that comes with Meniere's Disease, is enough for me to handle.

Friends, when I pray for my fellow Mother Earth Mates, I pray for all peoples. I am told I should not, and I do let them know that's bull shit. I will pray to my God, as I will. I also have a Direct Line. So. Many Christians I know are often full of ego and multiple faces, like to preach and speak the Words of God, then betray same words and perpetrate ill conceived notions against others. I once again will make it so that the words I speak on my path are true. A trusted truth comes from the Gut. I have a damned good gut and follow what my gut speaks. Intuition belongs to those of us who realize and see truths.

Whether one realizes or not, there are some who can read through your masks you keep hanging in the closet next to the Black dress, those of you who carry masks in your glove box. For shits sake, my intuition has been alive since I was a toddler. My memories are crisp like a new head of lettuce and as bad ass as brand 1985 Little Red Corvette.

I must go. My truth has always spoken for me. I love God and my Country and I know I'm a Goofy sort, but I'm okay with that, besides Goofy sounds better than Gimpy. True? Believe it or not, I'm really a Gimp. Honey, you've got to slow down...

I've Got A New Attitude

There is a roar of a huge water fall in the middle of my two brains creating confusing ways for me, dizzy and moments of being displaced. A spinning scenario that has happened twice this evening. The roar of water falls has lasted since 2200 or so.

I very seldom stop to look at time on my watch. television clock, or cell any more. I had kept documents that the state of Florida could only wish their entities could document as well. There is a manila folder for every doctor, agency, organization that I involve myself with presently. With areas pertaining to health, I relinquished control. I damned surely knew I had no other choice. So yes, yes, I have relinquished 99.9999% of that need to control or direct - it's not my job anymore. Okay, I really do still keep a thread or few wrapped around my belt loop. But the huge heavy ass monkey has moved away. This huge job, 'me' had become too much. Illnesses being my monsters and creeps. One example of another positive thing for me, is that I realize I once again learned the hard way. Shit! I hate when that happens, but when I learn - it's engraved on the metal plate attached to the left side of my skull. Oh yes, it's a part of me now, there is skull pieces and fragments that have become entwined with this magnificent piece of medical equipment holding my brains inside. This surgery times a few other times has been a result of the Meniere's Disease that occupies a very large and sad part of my inner head and my/our life. It's true.

Until just recently, for me, a "wow dude, you've been trying to do all of what?", had me beyond occupied. My job is my Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit's. My Sweet Lord, I share I was driving myself absolutely mad. And oh, so damned sad. So too sad. So, I let grow an angry fellow, me, because nobody wanted to be with me - was what the Lil Dude within believed. I always took that shit out on myself. Very rarely would I let my words, anyways, interfere with my life, wife and children, my siblings and nephews and nieces - grown and children. I am naturally sharped mouth, meaning if you put me in the position to say something, I'll oblige you.

I am blessed when it comes to the business of being an uncle and great uncle. A Great Uncle. Lord, I don't know if I have ever had the honor and privilege of having such a greatness before my name. On anything before these beautiful baby's come around. Oje, Mommy, Poppy, when we go see Tio and Tia? Yeah, I know how this feels for real in my core and know this "IS ALL" stuff I want to see in my life. The stuff in life I love and adore. I want to be alive, I will be around and healthy for my siblings and their children, Our Clan. With reunions with in house and our Familia/Family out there, much love has been passed along for quite sometime. Something my Spirit's and energy's realize is this is something Great Spirit has intended on me carrying all of this love in my Center as a body part...

...this body with the body parts and innards is me. And, let me say this because, I HAVE Got A New Attitude! I am steadily assertively myself more and more so realizing and accepting that the Best can only get better from where I'm at. I've got to get back into life. My Right Good Blessed Life and engage My Path. Yes, Meniere's, the Neurological Pain issues and the severity of pain is sometimes just too damned much for me. When I am nauseated and vomiting, my face swollen and purple/red takes my breath away. When the pains engage, I follow my surgeons, doctors and other professionals thoughts of disengaging, by sleeping. My sleeping habits are bad enough without the influence of Meniere's Disease attacks, My God, and all of my Professor's, Doctor's, Nurses, my therapist and Hospitals, Clinics and offices know this. Hyper-Somnia The staff, often awesome, embrace me as a human, for who I am and for what I am. A fellow with issues. Dig? A Good Right Fellow trying like hell to get healthy. I mean, hell fire!

I am familiar with the term disengage, having used this technique since the late 1980's. It works.

If you work it. Really.

Got to step aside a moment. I am feeling something good is happening. Ciao, Bella Botswana!

"Share And Tell It"

Kind One's,

This is something I do every once and again. It's a version of "Show and Tell", since I don't have much to show, I'll share. If this is your first one - I hope you enjoy. For me, it's a lot like word association, these are thoughts that rush threw my brains and bounce back and forth until it is tip tapped onto the "Share and Tell It". Well then, here we go, oui? Oui.

1. Asthma, over all other diseases, or pains, is probably near the top of my concerns.
2. People die from asthma.
3. Losing your breath is absolutely horrifying. Like not breathing. Seen.
4. I have learned that maybe sometimes, 'good bye', is a damned good thing.
5. The World I live in is as integrated as my life has always been.
6. Including what flows through my veins and arteries.
7. I am proud of my Mixed Heritage.
8. God, knows I am pleased with what I've done over the years.
9. Protests. Marches. Being Boycotted and confronted by the ku klux klan.
10. I don't have to capitalize that American Terror Group if I don't want too.
11. The Meniere's Disease continues to work my life and mind. The spinning and spinning.
12. I love the community I live in. I am Blessed with superb neighbors.
13. I live not too far from a Channel that is named that. Channel A.
14. That sum-ma-ma-bitch is horrifying and horribly deep too.
15. Alligators inhabit same water way, as do Manatees and turtles and such.
16. Oh please, I don't want to really think about what lives back there.
17. I've seen them mentioned, it's my imagination that gets the best of me.
18. My Feathered Cousins remind me of back in Miami.
19. Next to Dad's house on the lake and the sounds of Everglades are in my back yard.
20. Mr. and Mrs. Brown, continue to own and operate "The Old Tampa Book Store", Down Town.
21. Immediately next door is Sam and Eddy's Pizza. The Best Garlic Knots in America!
22. The Pizza Pie is so crazy good - I must limit myself to a slice or two. Read above.
23. I enjoy keeping my money in my community, but I really believe in an active Down Town.
24. I very truly want a President that loves America. I am not saying President Obama does not.
25. Please, just a president who expresses such terminology and breaks the bond of religion, education, and government. There's too much grey.

P.S. Please, please, you all, let me share something that bugs me so bad and that is if foreign Folks dislike these United States of America, please hurry up and carry you and your family back to where ever the hell you came from to begin with. America is still the most incredible country in the world and we don't need any bad breathed ass Folks talking shit about America. Oh yes, the same goes with those Damned Yankee's. You all who move down here and then moan and bitch about The South. Please, hurry up and take your unhappy ass and your entire family back home with you. Up North. Quickly!

Enough is said. I have to step away from the computer.

This is all I have to share.

Ciao, Mario

Victory Over The Dish Washer!

Good Morning Kindred One's,

I write simply to report that for the first time ever in my life, I have lost my virginity by the very partial loading of an at home dish washer. Yes, I'm 54 and all, but what to say?

True, I have used work related dish washers. Sure there have been maybe a handful of gigs from Childhood where I used a work related dish washer. Shoot, they're two different leagues.

Forever, I have had this irrational dislike of and about Dish Washers at home. No, I don't know why. I just never got a hold of the concept of having such a machine at home. Such a waste of water and electricity. True? Well, last night I busted this irrational life long piece of carry on luggage - by simply putting two glasses into our washer's top rack for the Wife's future washing of dishes. Oh sure, it also itched my hind haunches to see them anywhere. In any body's home. Or at Sears, on television, or The Home Depot. No, I don't know what or why.

But, I have succeeded! I am the Victor over this peculiar emotional enigma and coinciding mental enema! With coffee grounds like Miss. Janet Jackson used to do with her Colon Cleansing. Maybe some day I want a colon cleansing like that too.

Hey, I'm game. I'm gone too!

Ciao!
Mario

My Ears Go Crazy

Greetings Folks,

Dropped by for a minute or few to share that both of my ears are driving me absolutely crazy. Crazy as a madman I said, totally uninvited Meniere's Disease related torment. I share that all of this insistent sound and noise, is troubling, especially when it comes from one Deaf Left Ear. Never music - not in my left ear hole, that's one more for these brains of mine to handle, process, and divide into sub-categories, and me being who I am, it is necessary to evaluate and analyze over and over three times maybe. Take inventory's. Dig?

My Good Goodness, please let me share the audio changes have been going on without cease. There has been musical flash backs, pop up out of the clear blue sky. So random. When they do I Pop Up and I like the tune, I'll purchase them from I-Tunes to figure out the message. Perhaps having not even heard these tunes in many years. Many off the air for years too. It seems as if my boyhood soundtrack is resurfacing, as if gone along on a long voyage. For goodness sake. sometimes it's cool to remember these tunes. Then there are the ones that strike the wrong chord. Them few dozen,  strike that strike my mind and heart like an arrow that made its way threw and threw. I have playing in my right good bad ear hole to the brain, listening to Larry Graham and Graham Central Station. Yes. "Are You Happy?" and "Is It Love?". Some old school music. I'm not too sure if even some of 'The Old Funksters", like me remember. Oh yes!! Something I've had exceptionally good times with lately have been the songs of my feathered cousins stopping by for breakfast and a drink. Here next to the preserve and channel I am able to listen to Sea Gulls and birds of the swamp. It is an orchestra early in the morning and again right just prior to dusk As a matter of fact, the Cardinal is the feathered cousin who is a late eater and stops by as the Sun sets, as darkness falls. Amazing these relatives of ours, their habits and ways and I am honored that we have them as neighbors. Cool cultures of the Birds.

The sounds in my Deaf Left Ear have been complex and have ranged from the beep-beep-beep of a UPS truck in reverse, so damned loudly it sounds as if it is in my large room. Truly, so loud and constant and consistent with the pace of the sounds of a UPS truck in revers it irrates me. Sounds like by Special Little Blue Bus too. There was one time I must admit that required a trip to the front doors - sounded so damned real and so loud it was, I speculated I had missed an appointment, and when I went to front door expecting a Little Blue Bus, there was none. Neither a UPS or Fed-Ex truck or a rubbish truck. Nothing, no one or any body was reversing a damned vehicle at my car port. My therapist still like to call them audio hallucinations. Hog shit! I am the Human One with these sounds, noises, and voices moving along between my ears. There's another sound originating from my Deaf Left Ear - it is a squadron of WW II Era Fighter planes that seem to get stuck in formation, and suspended animation. All engines in unison approaching my home from the North, North West, and never pass me by. When I am hit by the fighting planes, the visit will sometimes last for hours and hours more. No, I haven't created a journal for such, I stopped counting the Meniere's attacks years ago. It is without reason, I say because I can not think of a word for such. As far as the sounds and noises perhaps I might keep a little journal about these types of Meniere's Disease related symptoms.

Don't it all sound like an Old Country song en'it? "My Ears Go Crazy". I would sing by the camp fire, singing about missing how the world sounded with a set of able ears, I would sing how the blues damned near kilt me over the years since I lost hearing in this left ear of mine. Oh how I miss listening to everything with both ears - the natural stereo sound system gifted by Great Spirit. My Ears go crazy. I go crazy with the thoughts that it is my fault I let doctor cut out my ears innards...

...beeeeeeeeeeeeep, beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeep, click-click, beeeeeeeeeeeeep, beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeep, click-click, is what is happening in my right ear as I tip tap at this instant...

This pair of ears I reckon would drive any humane human mad. Some totally mad maybe. I mean, there is some sort of sound going on in my ears twenty-four hours per day.