Dearest Guests and Readers,
Welcome. Please, sit back and sit a spell, there's a few things I wish to share, if I may?
I am becoming more conscience and aware of me wanting to spend more time here, stay a while here in my safe place, a place where I might move at my own pace, no matter what state of mind I may have at this moment. I have recognized things I do, or things rather, that I have done to 'not' blog. I don't know why I went through them changes and had such a peculiar reaction to blogging while going through such dreadful personal rubbish. I've gone threw shit before and don't know what was keeping me. But please, my Guests and Reader's, please know I am doing a fair attempt at doing my best. Today for example, I had an easier day being aware of things I could do, than yesterday, yet not quite as good a day as Monday just passed. I just do it. You see? When a bright day comes around I want to at least kneel in my garden. Meniere's Disease does not present much peace and tranquility in my day to day life style. I do not decide on what day is going to be a bright one or not. I take what and when I can gather a respite. With this damned disease that invaded both left and right ears, it has moved in to stay. What can I do with it? To do as it blares the roaring cicada's by the thousands and thousands and hundreds of dozens, all in my back and East yards. All in orchestra and not one damned thing to do about it.
Today, I had nausea off and on and there were none bouts of vomit. I hate when I vomit. The same as hurling chunks. Like that. Sweats visited me off and on through most of last night even though we are in a cold snap. I was cold enough today to close most windows and still I sweat. I sweat while I was in my safe spot in the West Wing counting the tiny little white beads on my ceiling, listening to the Orb up front that was invisible to the eye because I could not see it. I knew it was there because it made this loud humming noise for about ninety minutes this afternoon and I could hear it. It was damned dreadful and sickening awful. It made a steady constant humming sound that hummed itself in to my veins and became like a needle jammed into my arm for a blood specimen. Digging and digging, so sorry sir, and digging and digging.
I had to wall walk today. Better than the past few hours. No spasms today. Sir., Ma'am, have you ever heard and listened to someone, some body say, "damn, I'm tired of being sick"? Have you? I don't know. I saw how my Ma and Pa crossed over. I was there with my Pa. I was there when my Abuelo (my grand father) Mario crossed over, and prayed Rosary for him. I have seen to many die in the Nursing Center's, saw too many pass over in the Trauma Centers in Miami, and I have seen folks die in our streets. I know what being fucking sick looks like, just like I know what dead looks like. Today was an awesome day to die. Great Spirit, with All Power of Creation and Beyond, lets me know to keep on keeping on. I know who my Lord is. I know God.
I ask today that them who pray and pray with beer tainted breath, take that else where.
I have not even brought in for sharing the neurological pains that I have at this very moment in my head, neck, shoulders, arms, and backs, these in my lower and Cervical spine. I don't know, so don't ask me why. I am the one with these health issues, I do as doctor say do...
...one other health issue is breathing. For me breathing is an essential in my life, my day to day life style you know? This asthma has beaten my lungs something bad and hard over the past twenty few years of my blessed life here on Mother Earth. As a child, when we lived here in Tampa, I had asthma in a bad way. The form of child asthma that required daily injections. Along with my pills to render me "non-hyper active".
But hey! Back here in the present, I am happy. I am alive at this moment and I look forward to living a Good Great Spirit Blessed Life, and Walk My Path as The Great Spirit has written it so. Seen. I have no say so in any of this. So I let the doctors. And I let My God. And I do my best. And I ask myself, is this my beautiful wife?
I have nothing else to say. So I go now. Peace.
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