Kin Folk and Kind Ones,
This particular and most recent attack of sounds, sweats, and pains are presenting a good battle with this damned Meniere's. This invisible disease has taken me to the verges of vomit, with nothing in my tummy to spare a good damned productive vomit. For shits sake, sometimes the nausea gets so bad, I stand or sit where ever it is I may be and get all alien looking like with back bending fucking nausea provoking hurl after hurl of nothing but my pride and beat up ego. Yes, this entire physical situation I am in is one of the most shameful places in life for me. The chest wrenching gagging hurts and takes my breath away. While I heave and sweat and sometimes cry. I can't help myself anymore with the crying piece, if and when the tears come, I let them come along. I honestly feel as if sometimes the tears help me feel better, I swear I do. In my heart of hearts, I believe it to be important as an absolute that I maintain some form of an at least representable, well-balanced, good ole fellow, while dealing with not only Meniere's Disease, but the several other diseases that live here at this address, My Body and Brain's, and other innards.
For example, one other health issue is the asthma that takes my breath away, the disease that sucks the very good breath from my own lungs and I can't do a damned thing about it. There are times when I can't take a half of a breath, times I can't even take a gasp. To be held there in a no breath land, I panic, I do every time until I am thrown into the reality of prayer so I pray, and cry and think to myself is this shit really so? And I have ceremony and burn white sage.
The neurological pains have been striking lately. Some deep stabbing pains that seem to leave bruises from time to time. The pains between my scalp and skull, the pains in my neck and cervical spine are horrible and my shoulder knobs are hurting me this morning. I am aware their not called bulbs but I am ignorant of the bulbs medical name. But know what these feel like as my right shoulder and it's bulb hurt me so much.
At this instant I am dizzy, a tipsy dizzy and have had no alcohol. Besides that it's 0540. Yes, I am knowing I have had another sleepless night. Maybe I should man up and go see the Sleep Doctor my Neurological Professor has asked I see. I don't know. Yes I do. I quite damned simply do not want any damned more diagnosis. I mean, can any body really understand where I am coming from with what I say. I don't want no more medical terminology attached to my name and medical record number at Tampa General Hospital. I think to myself, what is the next procedure? What is going to happen when we stop the BOTOX injections? Or will we?
I am the patient. I am thinking there is one who has forgotten that. I wish that every person involved with my Care - no matter what, no matter where, as long as they are in my life, they would read these very words, and have a better view and idea of who I am and where I want to go in life. All of these symptoms of Meniere's, the symptoms of the Neurological and Cervical Spine issues. I know what it feels like when my blood pressure is too high...
...I know what it feels like to be set adrift by certain medical staff members in my team. This, and the many medical issues I have living in my human form are being addressed. Yes, Kind One's, I take and eat my many pills, capsules and tablets faithfully. Daily. This is all a part of taking care of myself and I and it's all a part of the program. If it works, work it.
I've got to go now. Peace.
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