Kin Folk and Kind One's,
I send out this communique to report the occurrence of a Meniere's Vertigo attack, I had Monday afternoon. It has had me truly by my throat. The nausea has lingered since then and too many times I have tasted the bile from the contents or lack there of in my stomach. The flavors of the medications I eat are not pleasant. The pills, tabs, and capsules of various sizes sit in my stomach counting down to when they kick off and get into my system. Medication's. Their jobs.
The inhalers that I seriously depend on for my literal survival, are taxing to my physical and emotional stat. My nebulizer, is in need of a replacement, I have had my present piece of equipment for several years and though it works, there are models out there that would administer my medication much faster. I wash the tubing and then let air dry as the medicine company's long ago stopped taking care of my equipment and materials. With the powers of medicine having so much control, the form of medicine has been changed 'for me'. This now comes in a bottle with an ear drop attached, when ready for a treatment I'll place prescribed amount of cc's in to place in the tubing. I reckon that the amount of medicine I take on a daily basis would surely kill another fellow human smaller in size of body frame and skeletal structure than I. I wonder, am I toxic? What I consider to be a large dose of medication per day, may actually be less than for some others folks, but goodness Kindred One's, I have never been on so many medications. I have never had the need and necessity of having to take so many medicines. During this time and period of life, my doctor's render this a necessity. Please, I am powerless over all that is going on in my life. I am entrusting my life and ways with my doctors. Ultimately, I have an awesome good faith in My God, my Great Spirit has blessed each and every person who has contact with me for my health care and my emotional care. Goodness gracious, I am truly blessed to have these extraordinary professors, doctors and their staff be a part of my team. My health. My life.
My body is sore and beat from my toes to my cervical spine and skull. I feel as if I have been on the losing end of a misunderstanding at the disco. My scalp burns and hurts when I rub over and across my hair. I have sweat for most of my day, in bed and while out for a good three or so hours. Take a few to take care of business. My finger knuckles hurt. My temples hurt. My left eye orb aces and is foggy. There is a door bell that has forever troubled me with horrible stabbing pains at the left corner of my upper skull. I know in my heart and have seen with my own eye's the frustration my doctors after doctor feels with this neurological and Meniere's Disease causing chaos within in me and outside of me. Jimmy, my neck hurts go bad I wish I had a vice I could use and tighten and release along the outer side of my neck. No, not the throat. Since Monday afternoon, I have slept plus twenty hours per day, with stretches that sleep me into the teens of hours of sleep...
I realize, I understand and acknowledge the course of my treatment's are because I have always provided my professors, doctors, and practitioner's cart blanch when we are at war with the diseases in my skin. All I ask is please, please help me get better. Please! Please! We work hard together. Please, don't stop! Please, take care of me! Doctor's can you hear me? Please.
My vision has been affected as a consequence of this latest Meniere's attack. I have seen life in warped visual distortions. Like my sofa bending. Or, my walls tilting outward. The voices and sounds and noises are always present in my life, from wake to sleep, and then there have been times when I have been stirred or startled by the loud sounds and noises in my ears. Yes, both the deaf left ear and the hard of hearing right ear. Life?! Oh my, I don't know if I could explain what true and total silence occurs. Other than the sounds trapped within - I have been totally our of sound too many times to remember. That's such a ridiculous assumption that I could even come up with any number of attacks. The hours and hours and days of sleeping and sleeping. Right.
There's just not much I can do but keep on living, I've got to keep on fighting for a better quality of life and have the all-star team mates fighting with me against these sickening invisible diseases. Look, I could go on and on with what I am feeling inside right now. The beeping and telephone ringing is about to create a madness, I want to scream but my bride is sleeping, my sleeping beauty is resting and I want her to get good sleep. Her good and healthy sleep. I've forgotten what that is. A good healthy sleep. A good what? God, let's work it! Life!
I've got to go, I am beginning to sweat bad enough my t-shirt clings to my chest and back. I am nauseated and am getting lightly dizzy. I don't want to gamble and risk falling on the way to my safe place. I hope to reconnect in the morrow. I've got no more to say. Peace and love. Seen.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
I Am Moving Along With Treatment, And A Quality of Life And Sir Dude
Kinfolk and Kindred,
NOTE: The communique and words below were gathered on the 27th of January, shortly after getting home from therapy with my therapist Sir. Dude. Today is 30 January, and for me, the mass majority of hours, days, and nights have been sleeping, as in approximately 20 plus more hours per day. I truly have not kept an accurate count. This one beat the me good and damned proper - there's been nothing to do but eat my medications and sleep. Quite very honestly, if not for my desires to connect with someone else other than myself at this moment, I would be asleep in my safe place over in the West Wing of our lodge. So then, let me cut this short...
27 January 2013
I was able to have a face-to-face with my therapist, Sir Dude today, and as a whole our gathering went quite well. I felt as if we were engaged in good talk and talks that made sense. I will have to call him tomorrow because I just happened to double book that particular day in early February. Damn the schedule! Yes, for goodness sakes, this has happened before. I reckon I could say to myself, "come a long dude, take it easy on yourself", but that's not my address you see and surely this is not how I operate my Better Health and Emotional Business. Though I've always been able to reschedule, I do not have a simple ass of an excuse. I hate it when I schedule an appointment on the same date already occupied. The original scheduled appointment is with She-With-Many-Names, this is the date due and scheduled for another procedure and round of Botox. So then, this type of an appointment will always take front roll seating on my calendar and month of appointments. Triage?
Unless I am having a break down, in which case, all wheels point at my therapist.
It was good seeing Sir Dude. It had been a span of probably four weeks since our last talk. My skulls innards and I figured it was about that time to get with the brother, so that's how I got to his office today. It was just about that damned time. When he returns my call, I'll also be speaking with him about a topic brought up near the end of our gathering. Though probably nothing at all, there must be a follow up chat on that. This is my Better Emotional Health aspect of my Health's Business Plan. This is where I am encapsulated by the right good vibes, energy, and safety that comes from my therapists office. Yes, I have entrusted Sir Dude, and I am certain to ensure all bases are covered on my Path to a healthier individual in me. This is my business, you see. I want to have a fulfilling and rewarding life style. This Meniere's Disease and Neurological Pains and related issues, drive my life right now. It is one of the worst feelings and on-going experience's in my life. As I have mentioned before, I do as these illnesses say do. Come early February, the day of my meeting and procedures and injections with She-With-Many-Names, we'll have clear and understanding communications. I do not have any control of this Meniere's that dwells within my skull, brains and skin, I pray for good days. Boundaries are necessary with a few going's on at the Neurological Pain and Burn Center at Tampa General.
I pray for strong times and days, like the three or four hours today while out to therapy and to the dollar store with my dearest wife Botswana. For three or so hours I felt pretty damned sharp - then I began to have what I refer to as my melt downs. Sweating and dripping with my sweat from head to my knees. While at Sir Dudes, I had nausea but non-productive. I had shared with therapist how the worms have seemed to have gone away for a spell, well, I jinxed myself because I felt them on my way home gagging and sweating. And feeling my worms who had gone on a nice long holiday. There was maybe one month of no movements, I thought the spiders and worms had moved out. The pains remain in my scalp and skull. The pains in my scalp, skull, shoulders and other body parts are as horrible and a torture of pain that burns, pains that knot me up, and pains that hurt me to tears. This is the pain that woke me from a sold sleep last night, all I could do was spread copious amounts of Ben Gay on my neck and shoulders. The pain radiated all the way down to my right wrist. Horrible, horrible fucking pain. The pains in my scalp continue, sometimes striking like lightening, as with a sudden strike. While other times there is a pain that brings on more pain and then even more pain.
For shits sakes DOCTORS! I'm not your damned JUNKIE! I don't bug you, I don't call you or your staff, or pester you for the medications THAT YOU, my extraordinary DOCTORS and PROFESSORS made a call on. These are prescribed BY YOU! The PLAYS are CALLED by you. NOT ME! I am the patient! I follow your instructions like I follow the instructions of every other doctor working with me to improve my QUALITY OF LIFE. This is all I want of the remainder of what I pray is a wonderful life. A good and righteous quality of life.
Those three words right there is all I've wanted over these past brief few years. My Good Kindred! I have had Meniere's Disease for how many years before it was diagnosed? How many surgery's and operations have I had because Of Meniere's Disease? How many dozens and dozens of people interact with me and my patient care - in and out of hospital! In and out of clinic! Hospital stays for respiratory, for BAHA, for a Redo on my BAHA, sinus surgery, pneumonia! All over the past five years my dear Folks. Notice this, I haven't even mentioned emergency department visits or dermatology appointments to remove the little bits and pieces of cancer from my skin.
Oh, I say, yes, yes, Kin Folk, Kindred, Friends, Associates, did I say Family?, by the 90's of percentile you all scattered like cock roaches. When my illnesses began to really kick in and kick my ass, it was like nobody was left. For the most part and perhaps best, the years have passed on and I have moved on to the best of my ability. It is never easy getting 'burned' by your own blood.
Over these years I have fought and I have fought hard for my family and I, and I will continue to fight these battles for health and for my emotions. I think of these things, I would like you to know as I feel the needles pierce my face over and over again.
Oh shit, some of you out there have been some hideous folks. The verbal scenes I have endured, with Kinfolk and some staff members. I have loved to live my entire life and look forward to many more years of life. So much drama and bull shit is created by others - the very few, a so few who remain in contact with me. It is just enough for my two hands to cradle my face and let cry. All of this communique covers the reality of my life. Sure, maybe I get upset here, or there, but you know what? I roll with those damned punches, when I get knocked down, or when I fall down, I get back up, dust myself off and keep on trucking. I've dealt with these diseases full speed ahead and head first on. I've have fought like a wild horse, and I've fought, and have been bucked and I fight for my rights...
...because no one else does or will. All I want is an improved quality of life. A quality of life.
A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life.
NOTE: The communique and words below were gathered on the 27th of January, shortly after getting home from therapy with my therapist Sir. Dude. Today is 30 January, and for me, the mass majority of hours, days, and nights have been sleeping, as in approximately 20 plus more hours per day. I truly have not kept an accurate count. This one beat the me good and damned proper - there's been nothing to do but eat my medications and sleep. Quite very honestly, if not for my desires to connect with someone else other than myself at this moment, I would be asleep in my safe place over in the West Wing of our lodge. So then, let me cut this short...
27 January 2013
I was able to have a face-to-face with my therapist, Sir Dude today, and as a whole our gathering went quite well. I felt as if we were engaged in good talk and talks that made sense. I will have to call him tomorrow because I just happened to double book that particular day in early February. Damn the schedule! Yes, for goodness sakes, this has happened before. I reckon I could say to myself, "come a long dude, take it easy on yourself", but that's not my address you see and surely this is not how I operate my Better Health and Emotional Business. Though I've always been able to reschedule, I do not have a simple ass of an excuse. I hate it when I schedule an appointment on the same date already occupied. The original scheduled appointment is with She-With-Many-Names, this is the date due and scheduled for another procedure and round of Botox. So then, this type of an appointment will always take front roll seating on my calendar and month of appointments. Triage?
Unless I am having a break down, in which case, all wheels point at my therapist.
It was good seeing Sir Dude. It had been a span of probably four weeks since our last talk. My skulls innards and I figured it was about that time to get with the brother, so that's how I got to his office today. It was just about that damned time. When he returns my call, I'll also be speaking with him about a topic brought up near the end of our gathering. Though probably nothing at all, there must be a follow up chat on that. This is my Better Emotional Health aspect of my Health's Business Plan. This is where I am encapsulated by the right good vibes, energy, and safety that comes from my therapists office. Yes, I have entrusted Sir Dude, and I am certain to ensure all bases are covered on my Path to a healthier individual in me. This is my business, you see. I want to have a fulfilling and rewarding life style. This Meniere's Disease and Neurological Pains and related issues, drive my life right now. It is one of the worst feelings and on-going experience's in my life. As I have mentioned before, I do as these illnesses say do. Come early February, the day of my meeting and procedures and injections with She-With-Many-Names, we'll have clear and understanding communications. I do not have any control of this Meniere's that dwells within my skull, brains and skin, I pray for good days. Boundaries are necessary with a few going's on at the Neurological Pain and Burn Center at Tampa General.
I pray for strong times and days, like the three or four hours today while out to therapy and to the dollar store with my dearest wife Botswana. For three or so hours I felt pretty damned sharp - then I began to have what I refer to as my melt downs. Sweating and dripping with my sweat from head to my knees. While at Sir Dudes, I had nausea but non-productive. I had shared with therapist how the worms have seemed to have gone away for a spell, well, I jinxed myself because I felt them on my way home gagging and sweating. And feeling my worms who had gone on a nice long holiday. There was maybe one month of no movements, I thought the spiders and worms had moved out. The pains remain in my scalp and skull. The pains in my scalp, skull, shoulders and other body parts are as horrible and a torture of pain that burns, pains that knot me up, and pains that hurt me to tears. This is the pain that woke me from a sold sleep last night, all I could do was spread copious amounts of Ben Gay on my neck and shoulders. The pain radiated all the way down to my right wrist. Horrible, horrible fucking pain. The pains in my scalp continue, sometimes striking like lightening, as with a sudden strike. While other times there is a pain that brings on more pain and then even more pain.
For shits sakes DOCTORS! I'm not your damned JUNKIE! I don't bug you, I don't call you or your staff, or pester you for the medications THAT YOU, my extraordinary DOCTORS and PROFESSORS made a call on. These are prescribed BY YOU! The PLAYS are CALLED by you. NOT ME! I am the patient! I follow your instructions like I follow the instructions of every other doctor working with me to improve my QUALITY OF LIFE. This is all I want of the remainder of what I pray is a wonderful life. A good and righteous quality of life.
Those three words right there is all I've wanted over these past brief few years. My Good Kindred! I have had Meniere's Disease for how many years before it was diagnosed? How many surgery's and operations have I had because Of Meniere's Disease? How many dozens and dozens of people interact with me and my patient care - in and out of hospital! In and out of clinic! Hospital stays for respiratory, for BAHA, for a Redo on my BAHA, sinus surgery, pneumonia! All over the past five years my dear Folks. Notice this, I haven't even mentioned emergency department visits or dermatology appointments to remove the little bits and pieces of cancer from my skin.
Oh, I say, yes, yes, Kin Folk, Kindred, Friends, Associates, did I say Family?, by the 90's of percentile you all scattered like cock roaches. When my illnesses began to really kick in and kick my ass, it was like nobody was left. For the most part and perhaps best, the years have passed on and I have moved on to the best of my ability. It is never easy getting 'burned' by your own blood.
Over these years I have fought and I have fought hard for my family and I, and I will continue to fight these battles for health and for my emotions. I think of these things, I would like you to know as I feel the needles pierce my face over and over again.
Oh shit, some of you out there have been some hideous folks. The verbal scenes I have endured, with Kinfolk and some staff members. I have loved to live my entire life and look forward to many more years of life. So much drama and bull shit is created by others - the very few, a so few who remain in contact with me. It is just enough for my two hands to cradle my face and let cry. All of this communique covers the reality of my life. Sure, maybe I get upset here, or there, but you know what? I roll with those damned punches, when I get knocked down, or when I fall down, I get back up, dust myself off and keep on trucking. I've dealt with these diseases full speed ahead and head first on. I've have fought like a wild horse, and I've fought, and have been bucked and I fight for my rights...
...because no one else does or will. All I want is an improved quality of life. A quality of life.
A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life. A Quality of Life.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Symptoms, A Chat About Meniere's
Kind One's,
I've spoken about a beeping that has been going on since last Saturday. Well, the morrow is the Saturday that will make one week of beeps and now what has become long, long beeps. Beeps that seem to linger and linger for an eternity of seconds. Sometimes these get quite loud to a point of interrupting what ever may be going on, to having audible episodes barely audible, but loud enough to detect.
Yesterday, Thursday, 23 January, is when the beeping changed. It went from a non-stop, steady sounding series of beeps and ticks. Damn these noises and beeps! Beeping on and on. Loud and louder, knowing that if I should report this to anybody in the field, I would be reminded that there is nothing we can do. This is something I am aware of, so I already know all of this, and I hear these same words time and time after time. I just wish for some understanding, not cold words.
I no longer pester my dear He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, for all of what has become a part of my Meniere's routine, my Meniere's way of life. If something queer should happen or I get an ugly infection at the site of my implant, then, I phone my doctor right up. And, my dear Guests, my doctor has 'always' returned my calls. Each and every call. I trust him with my life, I really do. I wish we could all have doctors like mine. I know this is not possible but I would like to say that if you should not feel right with your Otolaryngologist, or your Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, that you may have been assigned to by insurance, or if you feel some thing is not quite right between you and your physician. Please, I ask you please, find another doctor. Your health and the battle against Meniere's requires a team. The One Doctor - One Patient scene does not equal success here when it pertains to Meniere's. As a patient it is your right.
Being one who is Single Side Deaf with an Implant, and one who is Hard of Hearing and going Deaf over this disease, has been one hell of an experience and has been something that has required an awesome team in place. A Team who has supported me as a fellow Earth Mate, and as a patient against a genuine double blast of Meniere's...
...once it originated in my Left Ear, it took me for life, and my dear Medical Team went through "all of the changes" that we had to. Now with Meniere's fully pledged and occupied in my hard of hearing right ear, I am at War with my own body. Again. I have too fight this. Pray harder. You see, both of my ears bring luggage that carries their own story's of Meniere's Disease. The battle after battle after battle verses all and every last damned symptom of sickening rubbish and description of Meniere's. There's so damned very much that tags along with me and this invisible disease that I have truly feared madness. No matter where I go, be it the market or department store, whether I am here in my lodge, or atop those beautiful mountains of Georgia and North Carolina that call me home, or by this huge and wide open Gulf of Mexico, these symptoms are with me. I admit that there are times when I succumb to the powers of Meniere's, I have shed many, many tears and I must own that I have removed myself from my community and returned to exile. The realization and knowing that this disease is here to stay has taken a long time to take root. And now, it has. Kindred, I'm here for the long haul, so I better stake up this camp site right here and get a fire on. Shoot, it's cold..
I've spoken about a beeping that has been going on since last Saturday. Well, the morrow is the Saturday that will make one week of beeps and now what has become long, long beeps. Beeps that seem to linger and linger for an eternity of seconds. Sometimes these get quite loud to a point of interrupting what ever may be going on, to having audible episodes barely audible, but loud enough to detect.
Yesterday, Thursday, 23 January, is when the beeping changed. It went from a non-stop, steady sounding series of beeps and ticks. Damn these noises and beeps! Beeping on and on. Loud and louder, knowing that if I should report this to anybody in the field, I would be reminded that there is nothing we can do. This is something I am aware of, so I already know all of this, and I hear these same words time and time after time. I just wish for some understanding, not cold words.
I no longer pester my dear He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, for all of what has become a part of my Meniere's routine, my Meniere's way of life. If something queer should happen or I get an ugly infection at the site of my implant, then, I phone my doctor right up. And, my dear Guests, my doctor has 'always' returned my calls. Each and every call. I trust him with my life, I really do. I wish we could all have doctors like mine. I know this is not possible but I would like to say that if you should not feel right with your Otolaryngologist, or your Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, that you may have been assigned to by insurance, or if you feel some thing is not quite right between you and your physician. Please, I ask you please, find another doctor. Your health and the battle against Meniere's requires a team. The One Doctor - One Patient scene does not equal success here when it pertains to Meniere's. As a patient it is your right.
Being one who is Single Side Deaf with an Implant, and one who is Hard of Hearing and going Deaf over this disease, has been one hell of an experience and has been something that has required an awesome team in place. A Team who has supported me as a fellow Earth Mate, and as a patient against a genuine double blast of Meniere's...
...once it originated in my Left Ear, it took me for life, and my dear Medical Team went through "all of the changes" that we had to. Now with Meniere's fully pledged and occupied in my hard of hearing right ear, I am at War with my own body. Again. I have too fight this. Pray harder. You see, both of my ears bring luggage that carries their own story's of Meniere's Disease. The battle after battle after battle verses all and every last damned symptom of sickening rubbish and description of Meniere's. There's so damned very much that tags along with me and this invisible disease that I have truly feared madness. No matter where I go, be it the market or department store, whether I am here in my lodge, or atop those beautiful mountains of Georgia and North Carolina that call me home, or by this huge and wide open Gulf of Mexico, these symptoms are with me. I admit that there are times when I succumb to the powers of Meniere's, I have shed many, many tears and I must own that I have removed myself from my community and returned to exile. The realization and knowing that this disease is here to stay has taken a long time to take root. And now, it has. Kindred, I'm here for the long haul, so I better stake up this camp site right here and get a fire on. Shoot, it's cold..
Thursday, January 23, 2014
The Women In My Life
Today, is 24 Jan. 2014, and I dedicate the breathes I take while sharing these words with my guests to the several women out there in my world who I miss, and I wish to connect, even if by Spirit alone, connect and share love and respect with the women In my life...
...them who I love and have loved for so many years.
I am blessed and honored to have had my Mother be my Mom. Today, I know she did her best. To my Grandmothers, known and unknown, thank you for the stories passed down from generation to generation. My Spanish Grandmother's, my Cherokee Grandmothers, and my White Grandmothers, I've loved and respected you all.
So blessed I am to call them closer than friends, these women, some who are now my sisters. These Women are my Shero's. Some pass same blood as I and I am proud we are Relations. She who created life with me, my bride, my wife, my life mate, I silently shout that I miss you more and more with each passing day. You are a part of my Soul, so there's not a need to bring this up too often. This is something and is a place that I hold dear and private, my life with She. Thirty nine years strong, I love her more now than ever before. My sweet, sweet love.
My honorable daughter's, both working hard and doing their best to live life in awesome and good ways. My own Daddy heart is blessed and I am aware Great Spirit afforded me the opportunity of life times to meet two so awesome, wise, and hard working women, I call my honorable daughters.
I am a proud papa.
To my dear old friend, Ole Kindred Spirit, I miss you dear one. I think of you often. Blessings to you and yours. To my sweet dear She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee, I so miss our chats. I miss our exchanges of good energy and positive vibes. Such awesome free medicine is ill wasted when not used. I am blessed to have had the girls from State Street enter my life, though we might have known, we never outed one or another. That's a true story right there, one built on trust early in life that has lasted all our lives. My dear Aunts, my sweet cousins down South, the daughter's of Aunt Bunny, I have never ever stopped loving you all. To my Medicine Woman in Brooksville, I miss you and I mourn the loss of Lola, your four legged friend who had the heart to adopt me. Oh, my dearest friend of many life times, how truly I miss your company. To my very own mixed blooded sisters, I love and miss you all. There's just never enough time. I wish we could all live in one gigantic house, so that we could be near one another much more often. Thank you for being my sisters. We are family, I've got all my sister's with me. To Shelby, who I've know since 1969.
If I didn't know better, I thought I saw an ole friend on television tonight. One who passed away from the cnacer and went to Heaven. Oh, my dearest Butterfly, she looked so much like you. Know you are never far from my mind and heart, just as it is with my Mom, Grandmothers, and cousins who have crossed over. I am blessed and thankful to have been taught by each and every one of you.
All of you have made me a stronger and perhaps even, a better man. Thank you, one and all.
...them who I love and have loved for so many years.
I am blessed and honored to have had my Mother be my Mom. Today, I know she did her best. To my Grandmothers, known and unknown, thank you for the stories passed down from generation to generation. My Spanish Grandmother's, my Cherokee Grandmothers, and my White Grandmothers, I've loved and respected you all.
So blessed I am to call them closer than friends, these women, some who are now my sisters. These Women are my Shero's. Some pass same blood as I and I am proud we are Relations. She who created life with me, my bride, my wife, my life mate, I silently shout that I miss you more and more with each passing day. You are a part of my Soul, so there's not a need to bring this up too often. This is something and is a place that I hold dear and private, my life with She. Thirty nine years strong, I love her more now than ever before. My sweet, sweet love.
My honorable daughter's, both working hard and doing their best to live life in awesome and good ways. My own Daddy heart is blessed and I am aware Great Spirit afforded me the opportunity of life times to meet two so awesome, wise, and hard working women, I call my honorable daughters.
I am a proud papa.
To my dear old friend, Ole Kindred Spirit, I miss you dear one. I think of you often. Blessings to you and yours. To my sweet dear She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee, I so miss our chats. I miss our exchanges of good energy and positive vibes. Such awesome free medicine is ill wasted when not used. I am blessed to have had the girls from State Street enter my life, though we might have known, we never outed one or another. That's a true story right there, one built on trust early in life that has lasted all our lives. My dear Aunts, my sweet cousins down South, the daughter's of Aunt Bunny, I have never ever stopped loving you all. To my Medicine Woman in Brooksville, I miss you and I mourn the loss of Lola, your four legged friend who had the heart to adopt me. Oh, my dearest friend of many life times, how truly I miss your company. To my very own mixed blooded sisters, I love and miss you all. There's just never enough time. I wish we could all live in one gigantic house, so that we could be near one another much more often. Thank you for being my sisters. We are family, I've got all my sister's with me. To Shelby, who I've know since 1969.
If I didn't know better, I thought I saw an ole friend on television tonight. One who passed away from the cnacer and went to Heaven. Oh, my dearest Butterfly, she looked so much like you. Know you are never far from my mind and heart, just as it is with my Mom, Grandmothers, and cousins who have crossed over. I am blessed and thankful to have been taught by each and every one of you.
All of you have made me a stronger and perhaps even, a better man. Thank you, one and all.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Changes, From A Mixed Blooded Floridian, Meniere's Disease
Relations,
How very sweet to have an opportunity to send out yet another communique today, so I figure I'll take advantage to connect with and communicate with fellow Survivor's of Meniere's Disease. Today has been a fairly good day. I removed my human form from my safe place in the North East room and have found warmth from the Winter's cold and my computer here waiting for me in the center guest room. Yes, this is where my dear computer lives and it is an old piece of antiquity, what with the technological world constantly and ever changing, by the days that zoom by me even. I figure, let zoom be on and zoom, I'll sit here and tip-tap as I please. True?
Look, this is a place I do not mind being in, in my life. Really. Really because I do not know how much more of Meniere's disease I will be able to endure. Those miserable attacks after one and another is not any form of life style I see as a life style. Meniere's, Neurological issues compounded. An Asthma that was resurrected this Winter. This sadness and misery that tags along like a sweater wrapped around my neck. The knowing that I am certain to go deaf. So much sooner than we thought - we being my Team and I. There is the pains in my neck and shoulders. These damned stabbing pains into my ears. Never both at one time. Thank you God. Thank you God. But please, when these stabbing sensations occur - all else ceases.
There is something else I wish to speak about. Please, let me share this without judgment. I speak as one who is a Mixed Blood, a Floridian, Father, Husband, and Brother. I have found myself living and contemplating, what I see happening to the Earth Mother in and around the city proper, something I have found myself mourning and crying for. This total 'Modern White Man's Progress' is something I wish not to witness much anymore. I say damn it to my eyes for what I have seen and witnessed here in Florida. I have witnessed with these two eye orbs, the utter destruction of miles and miles of wide open Florida. The reckless ways and means our White Run and Owned Government has done a damage to my Home State of Florida, that can not be repaired or replaced. This South Eastern United States is the region of generation after generation of them who came before me. My heritage lies right here in these South Eastern States, and cutting to the chase, by November of this year 2014, Florida will be the third most populated state in the nation. Surpassing New York, which is currently in place three of this list of statistics.
Whoa, I did not mean to get so heavy on the political scene. Well, yes, sure I meant too. Heavy is where I live. What I have seen causes my Spirit's to ache and weep as I see prairie after prairie erased - erased as if never fucking there. I have witnessed and have cried out loud over the rape of my Mother Earth, as I have seen Wet Land after Swamp and Lakes, be wiped from the face of our beautiful planet. For me this is very horrifying as I consider Earth, My Mother, and because I consider what I see here in Florida, is a form of Land Genocide. Right here in Florida. Huge Ranches were absorbed by Foreign entities. Once places that were cattle ranches that stretched for as far as the eyes could see are gone. Wiped off the map to become towns or city's and on that very same note, I have witnessed the total take over and swipe clean of entire communities. Oh shit, I say, usually and always most likely communities of minorities.
Note: It is our duty as minorities to hurry the fuck up and move when Mr. Boss, says you must move because we've bought all of this land and houses and apartments and businesses and fuck all of you. You've got to go. My Family has experienced it and I've seen it time after time right here in my home. Where we were never White enough, this pack of mixed blooded Folks. My Dad, his dad, and I moved and live where we're able and how we can. I say, all of this directed by the banks and authorities that are run and operated by White People. It's a part of life. Seen.
How very sweet to have an opportunity to send out yet another communique today, so I figure I'll take advantage to connect with and communicate with fellow Survivor's of Meniere's Disease. Today has been a fairly good day. I removed my human form from my safe place in the North East room and have found warmth from the Winter's cold and my computer here waiting for me in the center guest room. Yes, this is where my dear computer lives and it is an old piece of antiquity, what with the technological world constantly and ever changing, by the days that zoom by me even. I figure, let zoom be on and zoom, I'll sit here and tip-tap as I please. True?
Look, this is a place I do not mind being in, in my life. Really. Really because I do not know how much more of Meniere's disease I will be able to endure. Those miserable attacks after one and another is not any form of life style I see as a life style. Meniere's, Neurological issues compounded. An Asthma that was resurrected this Winter. This sadness and misery that tags along like a sweater wrapped around my neck. The knowing that I am certain to go deaf. So much sooner than we thought - we being my Team and I. There is the pains in my neck and shoulders. These damned stabbing pains into my ears. Never both at one time. Thank you God. Thank you God. But please, when these stabbing sensations occur - all else ceases.
There is something else I wish to speak about. Please, let me share this without judgment. I speak as one who is a Mixed Blood, a Floridian, Father, Husband, and Brother. I have found myself living and contemplating, what I see happening to the Earth Mother in and around the city proper, something I have found myself mourning and crying for. This total 'Modern White Man's Progress' is something I wish not to witness much anymore. I say damn it to my eyes for what I have seen and witnessed here in Florida. I have witnessed with these two eye orbs, the utter destruction of miles and miles of wide open Florida. The reckless ways and means our White Run and Owned Government has done a damage to my Home State of Florida, that can not be repaired or replaced. This South Eastern United States is the region of generation after generation of them who came before me. My heritage lies right here in these South Eastern States, and cutting to the chase, by November of this year 2014, Florida will be the third most populated state in the nation. Surpassing New York, which is currently in place three of this list of statistics.
Whoa, I did not mean to get so heavy on the political scene. Well, yes, sure I meant too. Heavy is where I live. What I have seen causes my Spirit's to ache and weep as I see prairie after prairie erased - erased as if never fucking there. I have witnessed and have cried out loud over the rape of my Mother Earth, as I have seen Wet Land after Swamp and Lakes, be wiped from the face of our beautiful planet. For me this is very horrifying as I consider Earth, My Mother, and because I consider what I see here in Florida, is a form of Land Genocide. Right here in Florida. Huge Ranches were absorbed by Foreign entities. Once places that were cattle ranches that stretched for as far as the eyes could see are gone. Wiped off the map to become towns or city's and on that very same note, I have witnessed the total take over and swipe clean of entire communities. Oh shit, I say, usually and always most likely communities of minorities.
Note: It is our duty as minorities to hurry the fuck up and move when Mr. Boss, says you must move because we've bought all of this land and houses and apartments and businesses and fuck all of you. You've got to go. My Family has experienced it and I've seen it time after time right here in my home. Where we were never White enough, this pack of mixed blooded Folks. My Dad, his dad, and I moved and live where we're able and how we can. I say, all of this directed by the banks and authorities that are run and operated by White People. It's a part of life. Seen.
Beeping In A Deaf Ear
Since this past Saturday, 18 January 2014, I have had a steady beeping that has lives and dwell within this Deaf left ear of mine. Please, don't ask. Doc., says I'm an anomaly. Yes, I knew that.
I know I am deaf with a left ear that provides sound and noise. This is the inner ear surgically altered, cut, removed, and the what-knot's done to it. Prior to that had injections with a dreadful form of anti-biotic injected straight into my ear drum that was to have offered resistance. Utter failure. This was a time in my life when there were many hospital stays and surgery's and operations in my life. The last one of a significance was when we re-did the site of my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid Implant. There have been a few procedures, snips-n-cuts to this area. I have had BOTOX injections and others, directly into my face. But, goodness gracious, Meniere's Disease, has been such a handful for me, My Path and my life. My family, my sweet, sweet wife, Botswana, who has been my doctor, nurse, wife, and dearest of dearest friend.
No, I didn't see this coming all those few years ago. I mean, I had never heard of this damned Meniere's myself until I was smacked and slapped about my skull, ears, face and life with it. Everything was changed forever in my life in the matter of a year's time. Over the course of the past three or four I have lived a life that has been a life I would have altered if I had a chance to go back to the future and do that one simple what-ever-it-was so that I wouldn't get this madness of an invisible disease. Though today, I am One Ear, and I live.
There are times when I remember listening to certain voices with two ears. Oh, and those fantastic concerts I have attended all my life. Listening to music created by those I like to observe and enjoy in show. I remember listening to Great Spirit with two ears. I remember listening to my daughters voice with two ears. My Dear Botswana's. I reckon sometimes I have forgotten what it was like to listen to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony with both ears, but I bet with you this, if turned up just a bit over louder, something happens where I am able to hear this with my hard of hearing right ear and feel the symphony in my veins and bones. Oh, wow.
Oh yes, getting back to the beep's. As mentioned, since 18 Jan., I have listened day and night to a steady beeping that goes like this, beep. Beep. Beep, tsk-tsk, wait a second or few, then beep. Beep. Beep, tsk-tsk. Sometimes loud, sometimes not so loud. Yet. It's here at this very instant.
A Deaf ear?! One Ear's ear.
I know I am deaf with a left ear that provides sound and noise. This is the inner ear surgically altered, cut, removed, and the what-knot's done to it. Prior to that had injections with a dreadful form of anti-biotic injected straight into my ear drum that was to have offered resistance. Utter failure. This was a time in my life when there were many hospital stays and surgery's and operations in my life. The last one of a significance was when we re-did the site of my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid Implant. There have been a few procedures, snips-n-cuts to this area. I have had BOTOX injections and others, directly into my face. But, goodness gracious, Meniere's Disease, has been such a handful for me, My Path and my life. My family, my sweet, sweet wife, Botswana, who has been my doctor, nurse, wife, and dearest of dearest friend.
No, I didn't see this coming all those few years ago. I mean, I had never heard of this damned Meniere's myself until I was smacked and slapped about my skull, ears, face and life with it. Everything was changed forever in my life in the matter of a year's time. Over the course of the past three or four I have lived a life that has been a life I would have altered if I had a chance to go back to the future and do that one simple what-ever-it-was so that I wouldn't get this madness of an invisible disease. Though today, I am One Ear, and I live.
There are times when I remember listening to certain voices with two ears. Oh, and those fantastic concerts I have attended all my life. Listening to music created by those I like to observe and enjoy in show. I remember listening to Great Spirit with two ears. I remember listening to my daughters voice with two ears. My Dear Botswana's. I reckon sometimes I have forgotten what it was like to listen to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony with both ears, but I bet with you this, if turned up just a bit over louder, something happens where I am able to hear this with my hard of hearing right ear and feel the symphony in my veins and bones. Oh, wow.
Oh yes, getting back to the beep's. As mentioned, since 18 Jan., I have listened day and night to a steady beeping that goes like this, beep. Beep. Beep, tsk-tsk, wait a second or few, then beep. Beep. Beep, tsk-tsk. Sometimes loud, sometimes not so loud. Yet. It's here at this very instant.
A Deaf ear?! One Ear's ear.
I've Had One Snap
Well, hello there,
I've had a spell of ill health issues and have had to deal with these, my innards. Which is my way of life now, my occupation is to take care of my health. I have finally and very truly accepted this life of mine. Yes, my life is one that will have it's many pains, medicine and deafness. For some reason, I think, I may have had a hope that every thing was going to be different, be alright. Well, hell, I know now that this is my 'alright' and my 'different way of life'. It's about damned time, en'it? Kind One's, I mustn't and will not apologize for what has been a constant battle with these diseases dwelling within this skin and skull of mine. No, something without warning struck my face and screamed, "wake up dude!' and it was God. And I think I have learned now not too feel so damned apologetic to some sad ass individuals in my family or my circles.
Folk's, I have Health Issues, multiple. You wouldn't understand. It's a Meniere's thing. Let me share that over these first few/couple weeks of 2014, my eyes have been opened and my need to talk of illness diminishes in a good way with each passing day.
Yes, for sometimes too many reasons I felt compelled to apologize for being sick. Oh, he's asleep my wife would report to the caller on the telephone. Or I would say, oh, I'm sorry that I can't do that with you or her or him because my body feels like a sac of left overs from the BBQ grill! No, better yet, like that sac of dog shit you picked up while walking your Great Dane. Yes, that's it. So then, let me share this and explain something real quick. I have had Kin Folk and Kindred become bitter and or angry with attitude because of me not being able to participate in a function. Truth.
Folks, I swear, I have had an occasion to have one damned "snap"! Oh yeah, I'm quite sure you know what I've said. Folks speak of so and so having 'snapped' and got Baker Acted, or was smashed by a car or truck, or train, better yet, the poor fool jumped off of this horribly long and very tall bridge that crosses the bay down South of here. Look, I'm not saying anything that isn't true. Stuff like this happens here in my part of the U.S.A. every damned day. I have had the unfortunate business of having to Baker Act two people in my life. It is not a pretty sight and well, really, that's just not my scene. You see? Neither is jumping, cutting in an act of self-slay, or car's, trucks, and trains. For shits sake, I'm here to stay - as long as Great Spirit will have me here anyways, and here is where I'll be. Life is so short, my Kind One's, that most Folks don't even comprehend the briefness (?) of our lives. Seen. As today is a good day to die it is as well a wonderful day to be alive...
...as I inhale and exhale a long slow cleansing breathe, a fortunate one. It is with bountiful blessings I have 'reason' in my beliefs towards and with My Great Spirit, and my relationship's with God, His Son, His Mother, Queen of The Universe's, and The Holy Ghost. I am Blessed by the Wonderful Life Forces of the Angels and Arch Angels. I walk along.
I think it's so weird that some folks thought I was a Godless Spirit. Oh, my dear. Them and their one dimensional ways of living, their scattered mindedness and aimless chatter of supposed knowledge of all that is worldly and Godly. Your words and beliefs are here today and gone tomorrow, please, simply understand I no longer accept your ill ways as a part of mine. No, I don't want anymore of your clever enquiry's. The day's of your ill gotten questions and answer sessions are done. No, no more debates. None.
You see, my professors injecting medicine into my face have diagnosed me. My right good doctor's looking in my face and telling me, "we've gone as far as we can". "Sir., we are at optimum medicinal options". These tests, MRI's, pills, capsules, and tablets by the dozen, screams at me every damned day and night that this shits for real. I've got to continue full force and focus on my business. My Health.
So what, I had one snap.
I've had a spell of ill health issues and have had to deal with these, my innards. Which is my way of life now, my occupation is to take care of my health. I have finally and very truly accepted this life of mine. Yes, my life is one that will have it's many pains, medicine and deafness. For some reason, I think, I may have had a hope that every thing was going to be different, be alright. Well, hell, I know now that this is my 'alright' and my 'different way of life'. It's about damned time, en'it? Kind One's, I mustn't and will not apologize for what has been a constant battle with these diseases dwelling within this skin and skull of mine. No, something without warning struck my face and screamed, "wake up dude!' and it was God. And I think I have learned now not too feel so damned apologetic to some sad ass individuals in my family or my circles.
Folk's, I have Health Issues, multiple. You wouldn't understand. It's a Meniere's thing. Let me share that over these first few/couple weeks of 2014, my eyes have been opened and my need to talk of illness diminishes in a good way with each passing day.
Yes, for sometimes too many reasons I felt compelled to apologize for being sick. Oh, he's asleep my wife would report to the caller on the telephone. Or I would say, oh, I'm sorry that I can't do that with you or her or him because my body feels like a sac of left overs from the BBQ grill! No, better yet, like that sac of dog shit you picked up while walking your Great Dane. Yes, that's it. So then, let me share this and explain something real quick. I have had Kin Folk and Kindred become bitter and or angry with attitude because of me not being able to participate in a function. Truth.
Folks, I swear, I have had an occasion to have one damned "snap"! Oh yeah, I'm quite sure you know what I've said. Folks speak of so and so having 'snapped' and got Baker Acted, or was smashed by a car or truck, or train, better yet, the poor fool jumped off of this horribly long and very tall bridge that crosses the bay down South of here. Look, I'm not saying anything that isn't true. Stuff like this happens here in my part of the U.S.A. every damned day. I have had the unfortunate business of having to Baker Act two people in my life. It is not a pretty sight and well, really, that's just not my scene. You see? Neither is jumping, cutting in an act of self-slay, or car's, trucks, and trains. For shits sake, I'm here to stay - as long as Great Spirit will have me here anyways, and here is where I'll be. Life is so short, my Kind One's, that most Folks don't even comprehend the briefness (?) of our lives. Seen. As today is a good day to die it is as well a wonderful day to be alive...
...as I inhale and exhale a long slow cleansing breathe, a fortunate one. It is with bountiful blessings I have 'reason' in my beliefs towards and with My Great Spirit, and my relationship's with God, His Son, His Mother, Queen of The Universe's, and The Holy Ghost. I am Blessed by the Wonderful Life Forces of the Angels and Arch Angels. I walk along.
I think it's so weird that some folks thought I was a Godless Spirit. Oh, my dear. Them and their one dimensional ways of living, their scattered mindedness and aimless chatter of supposed knowledge of all that is worldly and Godly. Your words and beliefs are here today and gone tomorrow, please, simply understand I no longer accept your ill ways as a part of mine. No, I don't want anymore of your clever enquiry's. The day's of your ill gotten questions and answer sessions are done. No, no more debates. None.
You see, my professors injecting medicine into my face have diagnosed me. My right good doctor's looking in my face and telling me, "we've gone as far as we can". "Sir., we are at optimum medicinal options". These tests, MRI's, pills, capsules, and tablets by the dozen, screams at me every damned day and night that this shits for real. I've got to continue full force and focus on my business. My Health.
So what, I had one snap.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
The Humming
Salutations Dear One's,
Today is 16 January 2014, and I wish all a good day, good night and greetings. My dearest Kin Folk and Kindred, today has been a bit like this ...
... when the temperature in our lodge fell to 65 F., and the weather outside my North yard and pool area hit the forty's, I started to think about heat, For sure because the weather is fighting to be in the forty's out there as my thermometer on the window ledge next to my safe place, was hovering in the low forty's, mighty close to that 39F degree mark. I think to myself, is this really our Winter moving in? Will I have to hit click that heater on? I'm not sure, but Barbara, what's a boy to do? Last night right about 2030 the sky emptied a torrential rain. It is a positive thing we had what amounted to a flash pouring of rain. Just as unknown, unnoticed, and unseen clouds passed over our roof and trees, this cold water, watered a thirsty yard. Thank you Great Spirit, for this wonderful gift of water to a parched Earth Mother. It is understood that we have had the driest year in a dreadful long time. Pray, I say for more. Please?
An hour or so ago my muscles and bones, neck and shoulders, fingers and my toes, were screaming in painful agony. If there were a medic near by, it would've been necessary to admit I was on the verge of shaking a bit more than just the hair from my balding scalp. My dear Afro-less globe of a thick-ass-skull. The pains and sounds in my ears intensified sharply and there was a very loud hum, a hum that came from my left deaf ear. It seemed. It really sounded something like this, but loud, as if stuck and went like, 'hummmmmmmmmmmmmm'. So damned loud it was. Just the damned sound, right. No rumbling, no vibrations to cure the mad thoughts racing through my damned mind's. These occur at will and are not unusual as I was listening to what sounded like a Sherman Tank outside my safe place's window panes and window. For shits sake, so loud that it was convincing in some parts of my brain. I share that I am living on twenty two hours of no sleep. My mind is not scattered, but is working on over time. No doubt, and I know these sound episodes are here to stay. Oh well, I smile with eyes shut.
Today is 16 January 2014, and I wish all a good day, good night and greetings. My dearest Kin Folk and Kindred, today has been a bit like this ...
... when the temperature in our lodge fell to 65 F., and the weather outside my North yard and pool area hit the forty's, I started to think about heat, For sure because the weather is fighting to be in the forty's out there as my thermometer on the window ledge next to my safe place, was hovering in the low forty's, mighty close to that 39F degree mark. I think to myself, is this really our Winter moving in? Will I have to hit click that heater on? I'm not sure, but Barbara, what's a boy to do? Last night right about 2030 the sky emptied a torrential rain. It is a positive thing we had what amounted to a flash pouring of rain. Just as unknown, unnoticed, and unseen clouds passed over our roof and trees, this cold water, watered a thirsty yard. Thank you Great Spirit, for this wonderful gift of water to a parched Earth Mother. It is understood that we have had the driest year in a dreadful long time. Pray, I say for more. Please?
An hour or so ago my muscles and bones, neck and shoulders, fingers and my toes, were screaming in painful agony. If there were a medic near by, it would've been necessary to admit I was on the verge of shaking a bit more than just the hair from my balding scalp. My dear Afro-less globe of a thick-ass-skull. The pains and sounds in my ears intensified sharply and there was a very loud hum, a hum that came from my left deaf ear. It seemed. It really sounded something like this, but loud, as if stuck and went like, 'hummmmmmmmmmmmmm'. So damned loud it was. Just the damned sound, right. No rumbling, no vibrations to cure the mad thoughts racing through my damned mind's. These occur at will and are not unusual as I was listening to what sounded like a Sherman Tank outside my safe place's window panes and window. For shits sake, so loud that it was convincing in some parts of my brain. I share that I am living on twenty two hours of no sleep. My mind is not scattered, but is working on over time. No doubt, and I know these sound episodes are here to stay. Oh well, I smile with eyes shut.
If It Works, Work It, Symptoms Of My Life's Illnesses
Kin Folk and Kind Ones,
This particular and most recent attack of sounds, sweats, and pains are presenting a good battle with this damned Meniere's. This invisible disease has taken me to the verges of vomit, with nothing in my tummy to spare a good damned productive vomit. For shits sake, sometimes the nausea gets so bad, I stand or sit where ever it is I may be and get all alien looking like with back bending fucking nausea provoking hurl after hurl of nothing but my pride and beat up ego. Yes, this entire physical situation I am in is one of the most shameful places in life for me. The chest wrenching gagging hurts and takes my breath away. While I heave and sweat and sometimes cry. I can't help myself anymore with the crying piece, if and when the tears come, I let them come along. I honestly feel as if sometimes the tears help me feel better, I swear I do. In my heart of hearts, I believe it to be important as an absolute that I maintain some form of an at least representable, well-balanced, good ole fellow, while dealing with not only Meniere's Disease, but the several other diseases that live here at this address, My Body and Brain's, and other innards.
For example, one other health issue is the asthma that takes my breath away, the disease that sucks the very good breath from my own lungs and I can't do a damned thing about it. There are times when I can't take a half of a breath, times I can't even take a gasp. To be held there in a no breath land, I panic, I do every time until I am thrown into the reality of prayer so I pray, and cry and think to myself is this shit really so? And I have ceremony and burn white sage.
The neurological pains have been striking lately. Some deep stabbing pains that seem to leave bruises from time to time. The pains between my scalp and skull, the pains in my neck and cervical spine are horrible and my shoulder knobs are hurting me this morning. I am aware their not called bulbs but I am ignorant of the bulbs medical name. But know what these feel like as my right shoulder and it's bulb hurt me so much.
At this instant I am dizzy, a tipsy dizzy and have had no alcohol. Besides that it's 0540. Yes, I am knowing I have had another sleepless night. Maybe I should man up and go see the Sleep Doctor my Neurological Professor has asked I see. I don't know. Yes I do. I quite damned simply do not want any damned more diagnosis. I mean, can any body really understand where I am coming from with what I say. I don't want no more medical terminology attached to my name and medical record number at Tampa General Hospital. I think to myself, what is the next procedure? What is going to happen when we stop the BOTOX injections? Or will we?
I am the patient. I am thinking there is one who has forgotten that. I wish that every person involved with my Care - no matter what, no matter where, as long as they are in my life, they would read these very words, and have a better view and idea of who I am and where I want to go in life. All of these symptoms of Meniere's, the symptoms of the Neurological and Cervical Spine issues. I know what it feels like when my blood pressure is too high...
...I know what it feels like to be set adrift by certain medical staff members in my team. This, and the many medical issues I have living in my human form are being addressed. Yes, Kind One's, I take and eat my many pills, capsules and tablets faithfully. Daily. This is all a part of taking care of myself and I and it's all a part of the program. If it works, work it.
I've got to go now. Peace.
This particular and most recent attack of sounds, sweats, and pains are presenting a good battle with this damned Meniere's. This invisible disease has taken me to the verges of vomit, with nothing in my tummy to spare a good damned productive vomit. For shits sake, sometimes the nausea gets so bad, I stand or sit where ever it is I may be and get all alien looking like with back bending fucking nausea provoking hurl after hurl of nothing but my pride and beat up ego. Yes, this entire physical situation I am in is one of the most shameful places in life for me. The chest wrenching gagging hurts and takes my breath away. While I heave and sweat and sometimes cry. I can't help myself anymore with the crying piece, if and when the tears come, I let them come along. I honestly feel as if sometimes the tears help me feel better, I swear I do. In my heart of hearts, I believe it to be important as an absolute that I maintain some form of an at least representable, well-balanced, good ole fellow, while dealing with not only Meniere's Disease, but the several other diseases that live here at this address, My Body and Brain's, and other innards.
For example, one other health issue is the asthma that takes my breath away, the disease that sucks the very good breath from my own lungs and I can't do a damned thing about it. There are times when I can't take a half of a breath, times I can't even take a gasp. To be held there in a no breath land, I panic, I do every time until I am thrown into the reality of prayer so I pray, and cry and think to myself is this shit really so? And I have ceremony and burn white sage.
The neurological pains have been striking lately. Some deep stabbing pains that seem to leave bruises from time to time. The pains between my scalp and skull, the pains in my neck and cervical spine are horrible and my shoulder knobs are hurting me this morning. I am aware their not called bulbs but I am ignorant of the bulbs medical name. But know what these feel like as my right shoulder and it's bulb hurt me so much.
At this instant I am dizzy, a tipsy dizzy and have had no alcohol. Besides that it's 0540. Yes, I am knowing I have had another sleepless night. Maybe I should man up and go see the Sleep Doctor my Neurological Professor has asked I see. I don't know. Yes I do. I quite damned simply do not want any damned more diagnosis. I mean, can any body really understand where I am coming from with what I say. I don't want no more medical terminology attached to my name and medical record number at Tampa General Hospital. I think to myself, what is the next procedure? What is going to happen when we stop the BOTOX injections? Or will we?
I am the patient. I am thinking there is one who has forgotten that. I wish that every person involved with my Care - no matter what, no matter where, as long as they are in my life, they would read these very words, and have a better view and idea of who I am and where I want to go in life. All of these symptoms of Meniere's, the symptoms of the Neurological and Cervical Spine issues. I know what it feels like when my blood pressure is too high...
...I know what it feels like to be set adrift by certain medical staff members in my team. This, and the many medical issues I have living in my human form are being addressed. Yes, Kind One's, I take and eat my many pills, capsules and tablets faithfully. Daily. This is all a part of taking care of myself and I and it's all a part of the program. If it works, work it.
I've got to go now. Peace.
My Introduction To A Fountain Of Interaction, Combating Isolation
Greetings Guests and Readers,
The grasps of Meniere's Disease, has had me by the life lines these past six or so days. It is sad for me to say that much of my life has been slept threw. When awake, I feel it is my duty to deal with and combat the symptoms that come along with any and every attack of vertigo that comes my way. With each and every attack. With each and every side affect, side effect, I know that there battles to fight, there are times when I have to put up or like, let myself go back into REM.
It's easy like that.
Today, 15 January 2014, I stepped out to the mail box and looked about one of my gardens in the South West yard. Dear Kind Ones, that was a victory. Every attack of Meniere's brings along it's own trappings, you see? In my skin, it seems as if each and every attack of Meniere's comes with it's own set of rules. Really, they come along with it's own agenda and each comes with a set of the major traps that come with every fight against this damned invisible disease, Meniere's. I would love to come up with a nick name for this disease, I swear, because I tell you Sally, I sure do get tired of tip-tapping Meniere's Disease time and time and time again. Maybe I might find the legal abbreviation for Meniere's Disease. Yeah and oh yes, that's it.
This past week plus a day or so has been damned near complete isolation for me. If not for my spouse, Botswana, I have been totally isolated. Sure, a doctor's appointment here, a dentist appointment this past Monday, other than that, isolated. I say, though I have slept way too much, and I have and know this is something I can not control, I genuinely know what it feels like to relinquish control of my life, because I am powerless. It comes with this disease, eh? But, please, I am sure I would hope to get out of my exile every once in a damned month or less. Folks talk to me like I drive - "Mario, meet me half way". What the fuck is that? I can't drive a car! I couldn't operate a riding lawn mower. For shits sake! I see some things differently now.
Wait one moment please. Yes, my good-goodness, let me take a hold of that word 'isolation'. I am living the definition of the word isolation, I know what this means in my center right now. Well, that word isolation I just tossed out there a moment ago is resonating, I sit here silently and shake my head, I consider and sense there's something going on within, an energy creating a bright flaming affect deep with-in me, and my Soul, heart and Spirit's. I am curious. Yet, at this moment, at this instant, I feel sad. My Guests and Reader's, are aware that in past communiques I have often used the term 'exile' in expressing a time of isolation, but dammit, I say I never put the seriousness of that 2 + 2 together. I reckon I know now and honestly feel there is no alternative but to be aware, that there is in fact a very serious form of isolation going on. I see. Well, this is here now, and this forces me to sum up all of this up as a true and thorough form of isolation. WOW! What is that?! Oh Great One, Seen? With the exception of a very few loving and caring respectable few within my circles, I have been cut off. Put out. Thrown out...
...and I still ask, "Where the hell are all my friends"? Where are all those wonderful Folks who said, please call, call for anything. "You better call me, you hear", along with all of that other shit said when folks begin their processes of easing their way out of a once loved friendship. Look, for fucks sake, too many of you were way too easy to read, so easy, I saw your agenda long before you implemented your exit plan. By the way, I am very well aware that last year I permitted myself to have to say farewell to some folks who had once broken bread with me, those I loved and hugged and appreciated their company, but due to their negative energy and influences, it was time. Really, it was time for me to grab the proverbial bull's balls and do what I had to do to protect myself. Well, here I am and here comes 2014, one day at a time. There is something happening between these two ears, one of them deaf as a door knob. That's for me to say. Seen? I must continue to take care of myself and assert myself when it comes to my care by professionals in my hire. They know and I know I do my best to live and have some form of private and social interaction. My business plan has long been in place and working since Fall. My plans, my projections of savings over spending needlessly, all of the major health plans are in place, Mom. All of my plans, them and those for My Better Health Plan. My Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Paths are in place, and I want to have some form of life style to share energy with, genuine peoples and folks to engage with. Can you dig it?
Over the past day and few, while up for an hour or a brief period of being aware and feeling well, I have spent time attending to two boards on the social network Pinterest. One is the Board of a group I joined within the past week called "Meniere's Disease". What started off as something I considered a Pinterest experiment a year or so ago never took off. Then I put my face back into it and taught myself the odds and ends, navigating myself about. I then created and I went into my boards creating what I think are little pieces of me and who I am. Like little photos of others, in their lives teaching me every time I go at it, and when I do, I do this with attention and fullest intention. Shoot, for me, I've passed with major good grades here and I have placed this into my business plans, as I have observed myself gaining a good vibe from the interactions I am having and enjoying here. I share, I have based my decision to continue working on this energy here. This unique` and awesome positive infused energy I feel and an energy I pick up on here, on this Pinterest. I bet I am able to see and say I've never been able to fully drink from such this fountain of educational and silly stuff before.
With the business of saying farewell, well, I'll be quiet on this and move along. Your negative energy's have long sucked from my life force for far too long. I believe in forgiveness yes, but I am not no one persons damned fool. It is not necessary for one to share their negative outlook on their lives or situations with me. I'm full. And besides, you have them who believe in your two faced ways. So I ask you please, and understand this, I don't have to take your shit anymore in my life. Not yours, not his, not hers. I am finished being your damned supposed gimp. For you to hurl insults, your insults, your raised voices and your ill mannered ways and ill intent. For me, you see, other than love, there's no agendas in friendship.
Bitch please.
My God, Oh, My Dear Good God, what has been born in my Spirit's? What is it that you have created within me. I am a simple one, Father. I am but a lonely one who is too young to feel this old. These symptoms of Meniere's that rule my every day. The pain in my body that occupies places in my body from my scalp and skull to my legs. The pains in my neck are torture and I have managed to find ways to provide myself with deep body massage. Sometimes beneficial, sometimes none. My muscles live like this - to provide me daily pain and torture. The type of pain I'm feeling now in my damned right ear that is a so stabbing and harming, and hurting pain. So very damned harsh. I have lost weight and certain areas are a little bit easier to navigate.
For me, my health and good place of mind, I must take care of myself. I have to take care of me. And that little dude inside of me. I am moving along with life's serious scenario's and life's lighter moments. To enjoy good times, good fun, and good laughs.
I am alive you all and I'm here with much ambition and purpose. I will do whatever it is the Great Spirit blesses me to do. Something I am conscience about is that my voice will sometimes become loud when speaking in groups. I can't imagine why, but I will with purpose eliminate this from my talk. Though growing more and more hard of hearing I wish to have interaction with peoples. I gather as I move along and have been taught to truly feel and know I am not the only one wearing my size shoe. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and feel happy about myself. Be happy in my life in spite of the health situations. I have a hope to walk someday with no cane. I want to be free. I want to be able to walk to the corner drug store and back without one stumble or fall. I get so disgusted when I stumble thinking that others would think I am a drunk. No, not a drunk, just a fellow Mother Earth Mate with invisible diseases.
No, and please read here, that I am very okay knowing that I remember everyday is a good day to die. No, I don't have a damned death wish! For shits sake, I just stated in fine tip tapping form that I want to be healthy. In my thoughts one can't be healthy and dead too. I am very simply letting go and letting God take the controls. I work on this daily, as I pray daily. I will soon create a new alter in my safe place, a place where I go when this damned Meniere's fucks shit up and work on that particular attacks agenda. Eh?
You all, I've got to go now. Peace.
The grasps of Meniere's Disease, has had me by the life lines these past six or so days. It is sad for me to say that much of my life has been slept threw. When awake, I feel it is my duty to deal with and combat the symptoms that come along with any and every attack of vertigo that comes my way. With each and every attack. With each and every side affect, side effect, I know that there battles to fight, there are times when I have to put up or like, let myself go back into REM.
It's easy like that.
Today, 15 January 2014, I stepped out to the mail box and looked about one of my gardens in the South West yard. Dear Kind Ones, that was a victory. Every attack of Meniere's brings along it's own trappings, you see? In my skin, it seems as if each and every attack of Meniere's comes with it's own set of rules. Really, they come along with it's own agenda and each comes with a set of the major traps that come with every fight against this damned invisible disease, Meniere's. I would love to come up with a nick name for this disease, I swear, because I tell you Sally, I sure do get tired of tip-tapping Meniere's Disease time and time and time again. Maybe I might find the legal abbreviation for Meniere's Disease. Yeah and oh yes, that's it.
This past week plus a day or so has been damned near complete isolation for me. If not for my spouse, Botswana, I have been totally isolated. Sure, a doctor's appointment here, a dentist appointment this past Monday, other than that, isolated. I say, though I have slept way too much, and I have and know this is something I can not control, I genuinely know what it feels like to relinquish control of my life, because I am powerless. It comes with this disease, eh? But, please, I am sure I would hope to get out of my exile every once in a damned month or less. Folks talk to me like I drive - "Mario, meet me half way". What the fuck is that? I can't drive a car! I couldn't operate a riding lawn mower. For shits sake! I see some things differently now.
Wait one moment please. Yes, my good-goodness, let me take a hold of that word 'isolation'. I am living the definition of the word isolation, I know what this means in my center right now. Well, that word isolation I just tossed out there a moment ago is resonating, I sit here silently and shake my head, I consider and sense there's something going on within, an energy creating a bright flaming affect deep with-in me, and my Soul, heart and Spirit's. I am curious. Yet, at this moment, at this instant, I feel sad. My Guests and Reader's, are aware that in past communiques I have often used the term 'exile' in expressing a time of isolation, but dammit, I say I never put the seriousness of that 2 + 2 together. I reckon I know now and honestly feel there is no alternative but to be aware, that there is in fact a very serious form of isolation going on. I see. Well, this is here now, and this forces me to sum up all of this up as a true and thorough form of isolation. WOW! What is that?! Oh Great One, Seen? With the exception of a very few loving and caring respectable few within my circles, I have been cut off. Put out. Thrown out...
...and I still ask, "Where the hell are all my friends"? Where are all those wonderful Folks who said, please call, call for anything. "You better call me, you hear", along with all of that other shit said when folks begin their processes of easing their way out of a once loved friendship. Look, for fucks sake, too many of you were way too easy to read, so easy, I saw your agenda long before you implemented your exit plan. By the way, I am very well aware that last year I permitted myself to have to say farewell to some folks who had once broken bread with me, those I loved and hugged and appreciated their company, but due to their negative energy and influences, it was time. Really, it was time for me to grab the proverbial bull's balls and do what I had to do to protect myself. Well, here I am and here comes 2014, one day at a time. There is something happening between these two ears, one of them deaf as a door knob. That's for me to say. Seen? I must continue to take care of myself and assert myself when it comes to my care by professionals in my hire. They know and I know I do my best to live and have some form of private and social interaction. My business plan has long been in place and working since Fall. My plans, my projections of savings over spending needlessly, all of the major health plans are in place, Mom. All of my plans, them and those for My Better Health Plan. My Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Paths are in place, and I want to have some form of life style to share energy with, genuine peoples and folks to engage with. Can you dig it?
Over the past day and few, while up for an hour or a brief period of being aware and feeling well, I have spent time attending to two boards on the social network Pinterest. One is the Board of a group I joined within the past week called "Meniere's Disease". What started off as something I considered a Pinterest experiment a year or so ago never took off. Then I put my face back into it and taught myself the odds and ends, navigating myself about. I then created and I went into my boards creating what I think are little pieces of me and who I am. Like little photos of others, in their lives teaching me every time I go at it, and when I do, I do this with attention and fullest intention. Shoot, for me, I've passed with major good grades here and I have placed this into my business plans, as I have observed myself gaining a good vibe from the interactions I am having and enjoying here. I share, I have based my decision to continue working on this energy here. This unique` and awesome positive infused energy I feel and an energy I pick up on here, on this Pinterest. I bet I am able to see and say I've never been able to fully drink from such this fountain of educational and silly stuff before.
With the business of saying farewell, well, I'll be quiet on this and move along. Your negative energy's have long sucked from my life force for far too long. I believe in forgiveness yes, but I am not no one persons damned fool. It is not necessary for one to share their negative outlook on their lives or situations with me. I'm full. And besides, you have them who believe in your two faced ways. So I ask you please, and understand this, I don't have to take your shit anymore in my life. Not yours, not his, not hers. I am finished being your damned supposed gimp. For you to hurl insults, your insults, your raised voices and your ill mannered ways and ill intent. For me, you see, other than love, there's no agendas in friendship.
Bitch please.
My God, Oh, My Dear Good God, what has been born in my Spirit's? What is it that you have created within me. I am a simple one, Father. I am but a lonely one who is too young to feel this old. These symptoms of Meniere's that rule my every day. The pain in my body that occupies places in my body from my scalp and skull to my legs. The pains in my neck are torture and I have managed to find ways to provide myself with deep body massage. Sometimes beneficial, sometimes none. My muscles live like this - to provide me daily pain and torture. The type of pain I'm feeling now in my damned right ear that is a so stabbing and harming, and hurting pain. So very damned harsh. I have lost weight and certain areas are a little bit easier to navigate.
For me, my health and good place of mind, I must take care of myself. I have to take care of me. And that little dude inside of me. I am moving along with life's serious scenario's and life's lighter moments. To enjoy good times, good fun, and good laughs.
I am alive you all and I'm here with much ambition and purpose. I will do whatever it is the Great Spirit blesses me to do. Something I am conscience about is that my voice will sometimes become loud when speaking in groups. I can't imagine why, but I will with purpose eliminate this from my talk. Though growing more and more hard of hearing I wish to have interaction with peoples. I gather as I move along and have been taught to truly feel and know I am not the only one wearing my size shoe. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and feel happy about myself. Be happy in my life in spite of the health situations. I have a hope to walk someday with no cane. I want to be free. I want to be able to walk to the corner drug store and back without one stumble or fall. I get so disgusted when I stumble thinking that others would think I am a drunk. No, not a drunk, just a fellow Mother Earth Mate with invisible diseases.
No, and please read here, that I am very okay knowing that I remember everyday is a good day to die. No, I don't have a damned death wish! For shits sake, I just stated in fine tip tapping form that I want to be healthy. In my thoughts one can't be healthy and dead too. I am very simply letting go and letting God take the controls. I work on this daily, as I pray daily. I will soon create a new alter in my safe place, a place where I go when this damned Meniere's fucks shit up and work on that particular attacks agenda. Eh?
You all, I've got to go now. Peace.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
A Day Of Good Battles
Kind Ones,
Now, I prepare my mind and thoughts for a return to my safe place in the West Wing. For rest.
We have had a pleasant three day spell of cold weather, we are having a Florida Winter. Cool days and nice cool Winter evenings. There has been a bit of rain today, I am glad as my gardens could use some sweet natural water from God, the Angels and Saint's. I just heard thunder. Um. I think I just heard thunder. Dig?
I am nauseated and uncomfortable, I want to hurl and I wonder if it has something to do with the response I provided our two reader's earlier. I figure there must be many other readers with this same thought in mind, so the reply has been a timely one. I speculate that I am so tired of being sick that I simply wish to keep on keeping on. Just like that. Something that needs to be made perfectly clear on the question, is the mess of a flu and symptoms of Meniere's are attacking jointly on me now and has done so off and on all day. This is fucking ridiculous. I share this live, I say with and to all my guests and readers, the combination makes for a horrifying sea sickness that far exceeds anything I have ever felt on the high seas. Ever felt. I am not a doctor. If you should have found yourself in this predicament, please contact your physican immediately.
With the exception of a couple of oddities, I have remained awake and have been aware. I have read some of a new book, I have kept our Home's business in mind during prayer and ceremony. Doing all I could to keep my mind busy. It is a necessity for me to keep from letting this disease and some queer illness get me down, I am going to have to do everything possible, so I will. It is my purpose to move forward on this battle against this disgusting Meniere's Disease. This Combo of Meniere's Disease, an illness, neurological pain, asthma and what all damned sucks. It's true.
It is disgusting! And I am disgusted, and so very tired. A day of good battles. Yes, good day.
Oh-My-God!
Now, I prepare my mind and thoughts for a return to my safe place in the West Wing. For rest.
We have had a pleasant three day spell of cold weather, we are having a Florida Winter. Cool days and nice cool Winter evenings. There has been a bit of rain today, I am glad as my gardens could use some sweet natural water from God, the Angels and Saint's. I just heard thunder. Um. I think I just heard thunder. Dig?
I am nauseated and uncomfortable, I want to hurl and I wonder if it has something to do with the response I provided our two reader's earlier. I figure there must be many other readers with this same thought in mind, so the reply has been a timely one. I speculate that I am so tired of being sick that I simply wish to keep on keeping on. Just like that. Something that needs to be made perfectly clear on the question, is the mess of a flu and symptoms of Meniere's are attacking jointly on me now and has done so off and on all day. This is fucking ridiculous. I share this live, I say with and to all my guests and readers, the combination makes for a horrifying sea sickness that far exceeds anything I have ever felt on the high seas. Ever felt. I am not a doctor. If you should have found yourself in this predicament, please contact your physican immediately.
With the exception of a couple of oddities, I have remained awake and have been aware. I have read some of a new book, I have kept our Home's business in mind during prayer and ceremony. Doing all I could to keep my mind busy. It is a necessity for me to keep from letting this disease and some queer illness get me down, I am going to have to do everything possible, so I will. It is my purpose to move forward on this battle against this disgusting Meniere's Disease. This Combo of Meniere's Disease, an illness, neurological pain, asthma and what all damned sucks. It's true.
It is disgusting! And I am disgusted, and so very tired. A day of good battles. Yes, good day.
Oh-My-God!
Does Meniere's Disease Affect The Flu, A Reader's Quetion
Greetings,
10 January 2013
Dearest Guest and Kind One's, I wanted to share an answer or two with a couple of reader's who were inquiry about the symptoms of Meniere's Disease and the Flu. Please do note I share my experience's only from an I and I point of view, I never have and do not claim to have a degree of any sort while sharing my daily life style while living my life with Meniere's Disease, several Neurological Issues, Asthma, High Blood Pressure, Diabetic, one lump from my man breast, etcetera and etcetera. Within this blog, "Meniere's Disease...Mario's Path", I also share my life's experiences as a victim of incest, rape, sexual abuse, and several other forms of sexual, physical, psychological and emotional abuse, as a child, adolescent and adult. The What the?
The answers to How does the flu interact with Meniere's are varies, for example, I was admitted into hospital in 2008 for respiratory. I had been hospitalized with pneumonia and stayed in hospital a few days. Where I was a Fall hazard, permitted to roam about and did in fact fall.
In 2008, I had Sinus surgery, which was the result of infection, polyps and what was our first attack in the dark versus the Meniere's Disease.
I've never had 'just' an illness like the common cold or something like that, to play games with Meniere's. Speaking of this subject, I was provided an asthma inhaler by my primary that has steroids for my lungs. I have had a steady and productive cough, and my chest feels hallow from the coughing, and difficulty breathing. Shit. this is ill with some sort of virus for what I believe to be the first time in years. My dizziness has increased, my wish to sleep has multiplied by whatever and I have succeeded in keeping me from the sleep. I have been dizzy for chunks of hours off and on all day and it was necessary I be extra observant and aware of my environment and steps. So, I did. I sure do wish to provide 'my reader's with this reply: This 'flu' has increased the symptoms and sensitivity sensations of Meniere's Disease, the levels of pain, and my having difficulty breathing. Also called, Shortness of Breath.
Before I close this communique, I would like to ask that you please consult with your personal physician as soon as possible when becoming ill with Meniere's, especially with the newest and latest N1N1 Bird Flu, it is tough to even say, but no, I have not had my annual flu injection. Dammit. I will soon. Promise.
Thank you for you questions, my Dear Guests and Readers. Please, do not hesitate. True? Okay.
I've no more to say...
... except this - in cases of Emergency, always dial 911 in the USA, or what ever is designated as your country's emergency telephone and broadcasting system.
10 January 2013
Dearest Guest and Kind One's, I wanted to share an answer or two with a couple of reader's who were inquiry about the symptoms of Meniere's Disease and the Flu. Please do note I share my experience's only from an I and I point of view, I never have and do not claim to have a degree of any sort while sharing my daily life style while living my life with Meniere's Disease, several Neurological Issues, Asthma, High Blood Pressure, Diabetic, one lump from my man breast, etcetera and etcetera. Within this blog, "Meniere's Disease...Mario's Path", I also share my life's experiences as a victim of incest, rape, sexual abuse, and several other forms of sexual, physical, psychological and emotional abuse, as a child, adolescent and adult. The What the?
The answers to How does the flu interact with Meniere's are varies, for example, I was admitted into hospital in 2008 for respiratory. I had been hospitalized with pneumonia and stayed in hospital a few days. Where I was a Fall hazard, permitted to roam about and did in fact fall.
In 2008, I had Sinus surgery, which was the result of infection, polyps and what was our first attack in the dark versus the Meniere's Disease.
I've never had 'just' an illness like the common cold or something like that, to play games with Meniere's. Speaking of this subject, I was provided an asthma inhaler by my primary that has steroids for my lungs. I have had a steady and productive cough, and my chest feels hallow from the coughing, and difficulty breathing. Shit. this is ill with some sort of virus for what I believe to be the first time in years. My dizziness has increased, my wish to sleep has multiplied by whatever and I have succeeded in keeping me from the sleep. I have been dizzy for chunks of hours off and on all day and it was necessary I be extra observant and aware of my environment and steps. So, I did. I sure do wish to provide 'my reader's with this reply: This 'flu' has increased the symptoms and sensitivity sensations of Meniere's Disease, the levels of pain, and my having difficulty breathing. Also called, Shortness of Breath.
Before I close this communique, I would like to ask that you please consult with your personal physician as soon as possible when becoming ill with Meniere's, especially with the newest and latest N1N1 Bird Flu, it is tough to even say, but no, I have not had my annual flu injection. Dammit. I will soon. Promise.
Thank you for you questions, my Dear Guests and Readers. Please, do not hesitate. True? Okay.
I've no more to say...
... except this - in cases of Emergency, always dial 911 in the USA, or what ever is designated as your country's emergency telephone and broadcasting system.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Happy New Years!
Dearest Kindred,
To all Fellow Meniere's Disease Survivors, I silently scream Happy New Year!!
To one and all in life, present, past, and future, I shout Ya-Hey!!
To them who passed before me. God Bless and I'll see ya when I get there.
To Mom and Dad, I'll notice you when I get there! How's Grandpa? How's Grandma Carrie? And our Cherokee Grandmother Flossie?! I pray all are happy and having a good time in heaven. I bet it smells like Jasmine that is growing on the vine out the dining room window.
To my Abuela's, Abuelo's, I can't wait to get there to see you all!!! Monnie!! Dude!!
NOTE:
This was a note that I was to have published just a few days ago. Now, I want you and every body to know that I had forgotten about this in total. Yes, it was and has been right here in my face, but no, as if it blended in with other postings, reports, stats, and what not.
My oops.
Happy New Year! Happy New Year's!! 2014! 2014! What?!? 2014! 2014! Happy new Year!!
To all Fellow Meniere's Disease Survivors, I silently scream Happy New Year!!
To one and all in life, present, past, and future, I shout Ya-Hey!!
To them who passed before me. God Bless and I'll see ya when I get there.
To Mom and Dad, I'll notice you when I get there! How's Grandpa? How's Grandma Carrie? And our Cherokee Grandmother Flossie?! I pray all are happy and having a good time in heaven. I bet it smells like Jasmine that is growing on the vine out the dining room window.
To my Abuela's, Abuelo's, I can't wait to get there to see you all!!! Monnie!! Dude!!
NOTE:
This was a note that I was to have published just a few days ago. Now, I want you and every body to know that I had forgotten about this in total. Yes, it was and has been right here in my face, but no, as if it blended in with other postings, reports, stats, and what not.
My oops.
Happy New Year! Happy New Year's!! 2014! 2014! What?!? 2014! 2014! Happy new Year!!
Meniere's Disease Today, 08 January 2013, Sharing Neurological's
Dearest Guests and Readers,
Welcome. Please, sit back and sit a spell, there's a few things I wish to share, if I may?
I am becoming more conscience and aware of me wanting to spend more time here, stay a while here in my safe place, a place where I might move at my own pace, no matter what state of mind I may have at this moment. I have recognized things I do, or things rather, that I have done to 'not' blog. I don't know why I went through them changes and had such a peculiar reaction to blogging while going through such dreadful personal rubbish. I've gone threw shit before and don't know what was keeping me. But please, my Guests and Reader's, please know I am doing a fair attempt at doing my best. Today for example, I had an easier day being aware of things I could do, than yesterday, yet not quite as good a day as Monday just passed. I just do it. You see? When a bright day comes around I want to at least kneel in my garden. Meniere's Disease does not present much peace and tranquility in my day to day life style. I do not decide on what day is going to be a bright one or not. I take what and when I can gather a respite. With this damned disease that invaded both left and right ears, it has moved in to stay. What can I do with it? To do as it blares the roaring cicada's by the thousands and thousands and hundreds of dozens, all in my back and East yards. All in orchestra and not one damned thing to do about it.
Today, I had nausea off and on and there were none bouts of vomit. I hate when I vomit. The same as hurling chunks. Like that. Sweats visited me off and on through most of last night even though we are in a cold snap. I was cold enough today to close most windows and still I sweat. I sweat while I was in my safe spot in the West Wing counting the tiny little white beads on my ceiling, listening to the Orb up front that was invisible to the eye because I could not see it. I knew it was there because it made this loud humming noise for about ninety minutes this afternoon and I could hear it. It was damned dreadful and sickening awful. It made a steady constant humming sound that hummed itself in to my veins and became like a needle jammed into my arm for a blood specimen. Digging and digging, so sorry sir, and digging and digging.
I had to wall walk today. Better than the past few hours. No spasms today. Sir., Ma'am, have you ever heard and listened to someone, some body say, "damn, I'm tired of being sick"? Have you? I don't know. I saw how my Ma and Pa crossed over. I was there with my Pa. I was there when my Abuelo (my grand father) Mario crossed over, and prayed Rosary for him. I have seen to many die in the Nursing Center's, saw too many pass over in the Trauma Centers in Miami, and I have seen folks die in our streets. I know what being fucking sick looks like, just like I know what dead looks like. Today was an awesome day to die. Great Spirit, with All Power of Creation and Beyond, lets me know to keep on keeping on. I know who my Lord is. I know God.
I ask today that them who pray and pray with beer tainted breath, take that else where.
I have not even brought in for sharing the neurological pains that I have at this very moment in my head, neck, shoulders, arms, and backs, these in my lower and Cervical spine. I don't know, so don't ask me why. I am the one with these health issues, I do as doctor say do...
...one other health issue is breathing. For me breathing is an essential in my life, my day to day life style you know? This asthma has beaten my lungs something bad and hard over the past twenty few years of my blessed life here on Mother Earth. As a child, when we lived here in Tampa, I had asthma in a bad way. The form of child asthma that required daily injections. Along with my pills to render me "non-hyper active".
But hey! Back here in the present, I am happy. I am alive at this moment and I look forward to living a Good Great Spirit Blessed Life, and Walk My Path as The Great Spirit has written it so. Seen. I have no say so in any of this. So I let the doctors. And I let My God. And I do my best. And I ask myself, is this my beautiful wife?
I have nothing else to say. So I go now. Peace.
Welcome. Please, sit back and sit a spell, there's a few things I wish to share, if I may?
I am becoming more conscience and aware of me wanting to spend more time here, stay a while here in my safe place, a place where I might move at my own pace, no matter what state of mind I may have at this moment. I have recognized things I do, or things rather, that I have done to 'not' blog. I don't know why I went through them changes and had such a peculiar reaction to blogging while going through such dreadful personal rubbish. I've gone threw shit before and don't know what was keeping me. But please, my Guests and Reader's, please know I am doing a fair attempt at doing my best. Today for example, I had an easier day being aware of things I could do, than yesterday, yet not quite as good a day as Monday just passed. I just do it. You see? When a bright day comes around I want to at least kneel in my garden. Meniere's Disease does not present much peace and tranquility in my day to day life style. I do not decide on what day is going to be a bright one or not. I take what and when I can gather a respite. With this damned disease that invaded both left and right ears, it has moved in to stay. What can I do with it? To do as it blares the roaring cicada's by the thousands and thousands and hundreds of dozens, all in my back and East yards. All in orchestra and not one damned thing to do about it.
Today, I had nausea off and on and there were none bouts of vomit. I hate when I vomit. The same as hurling chunks. Like that. Sweats visited me off and on through most of last night even though we are in a cold snap. I was cold enough today to close most windows and still I sweat. I sweat while I was in my safe spot in the West Wing counting the tiny little white beads on my ceiling, listening to the Orb up front that was invisible to the eye because I could not see it. I knew it was there because it made this loud humming noise for about ninety minutes this afternoon and I could hear it. It was damned dreadful and sickening awful. It made a steady constant humming sound that hummed itself in to my veins and became like a needle jammed into my arm for a blood specimen. Digging and digging, so sorry sir, and digging and digging.
I had to wall walk today. Better than the past few hours. No spasms today. Sir., Ma'am, have you ever heard and listened to someone, some body say, "damn, I'm tired of being sick"? Have you? I don't know. I saw how my Ma and Pa crossed over. I was there with my Pa. I was there when my Abuelo (my grand father) Mario crossed over, and prayed Rosary for him. I have seen to many die in the Nursing Center's, saw too many pass over in the Trauma Centers in Miami, and I have seen folks die in our streets. I know what being fucking sick looks like, just like I know what dead looks like. Today was an awesome day to die. Great Spirit, with All Power of Creation and Beyond, lets me know to keep on keeping on. I know who my Lord is. I know God.
I ask today that them who pray and pray with beer tainted breath, take that else where.
I have not even brought in for sharing the neurological pains that I have at this very moment in my head, neck, shoulders, arms, and backs, these in my lower and Cervical spine. I don't know, so don't ask me why. I am the one with these health issues, I do as doctor say do...
...one other health issue is breathing. For me breathing is an essential in my life, my day to day life style you know? This asthma has beaten my lungs something bad and hard over the past twenty few years of my blessed life here on Mother Earth. As a child, when we lived here in Tampa, I had asthma in a bad way. The form of child asthma that required daily injections. Along with my pills to render me "non-hyper active".
But hey! Back here in the present, I am happy. I am alive at this moment and I look forward to living a Good Great Spirit Blessed Life, and Walk My Path as The Great Spirit has written it so. Seen. I have no say so in any of this. So I let the doctors. And I let My God. And I do my best. And I ask myself, is this my beautiful wife?
I have nothing else to say. So I go now. Peace.
Monday, January 6, 2014
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, A Doctor Appointment and Meniere's
Dearest Kind Ones, Kindred, and Kin Folk,
Thought I would hop on the ole tip-tap for a brief bit of opening up and talking about my visit with one of my doctors today. (My favorite) I wish to share with you, my guest, the going's on with my Meniere's Disease, the hearing loss, the symptoms I have been experiencing - vomiting, falling, pains etc. and a small wound at the site of my implant. Over all I would grade my visit this morning a score of outstanding. I suppose that with me and for me as a patient, this part of my Better Health Team, is in fact a consistent out standing team. Doc. wanted me in there on this past Friday. But I had no transportation...
Changes happened at doctors clinic, we know that there is sometimes turn-over that occur. When change happens with this team, my team, they simply pick up their bottoms and move along. I know this to be true because I have been with Dr. Danner, since right about 2008 and over the course of time I notice the absence of Folks. Well, One, a special someone there I let into my heart and I believe that what we had was more than just a patient - Doctor Assistant relationship, there was a rare sort of friendship. What an incredible young lady, with such a beautiful family, you know, one of those actual, what I say, as the All American Family. Oh my dear, a little good bye would have been nice. Some how I understand and I understand. I understand that for you maybe this was just a job, I don't know, but sweetie pie, you and your boys, all three became a part of my life. I looked forward to seeing you and even if but for a few minutes, we would connect and I would laugh and I would cry with you. Oh well, my sister, life happens like this sometime and I hold no ill. I carry a bit of sadness, yes but Miss. Lady, you're going to do well no matter where you've gone. You are a wonderful Mom, and I know you busted your rump around here at Doc.'s clinic in Tampa General Hospital. You work hard Honey! Roger that, Sister Ma'am. Go, and do well. Be well. Enjoy life with the fellas and please dear friend, know that you'll be missed.
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I had a face-to-face gathering after I had Audiometry Testing done. A series of audio tests that measured my hearing and as expected, this most current testing reflects even more loss of hearing. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I discussed surgical scenario's and a medicinal regimen change, but for now, we will run on a as needed basis for three months or so, which ever would come first. We spoke of the potentiality of having a Cochlear Implant on my right side, where it is that my bad good ear hole to the brain resides. Doctor has instructed I continue all present medications, has requested I wear my hearing aid in my right ear and to utilize my BAHA in conjunction with the hearing aid. To continue to treat the wound on site of implant with the prescribed medication and to continue with by mouth medicine.
For now, for today, and since my good right doctor had our talk, I am okay with continuing to operate under the status quo, with a sprinkle of pixie dust for now. We know and have an idea that sooner than later - maybe one year, maybe two - who knows, if I should continue with the sudden loss of hearing, and resulting loss of hearing, then maybe sooner than later.
I've begun to approach things differently when speaking of Meniere's Disease, my Neurological issues and the damned pains that are sometimes just to difficult to explain. At this very moment, at this instant, I am comfortable, medicated yes, and as ordered. But at this moment, I have not stabbing or feelings of my skeleton. I have some odd noises and sounds going on that I am hearing in my deaf left ear. The decrease of hearing over time and then, this most recent episode of total brief loss of hearing is truly problematic for me and is always present in mind. Oh yes, my "warp-o-vision" is Meniere's related too. Some of the pains I am having in my cervical spine could/might be related to Meneire's. A topic that doc and I discussed. I don't know if any of this dreadful mystery's will ever be solved, though, it sure is some weird shit to have all of this queer stuff going on in between these to Mal-functioning ears of mine.
I am exhausted and am ready to retire for the night, don't expect to fall asleep straight away, but I'll be able to listen to my bride breathe, maybe read some while being serenaded by The Three Dogg Security Service. Woof-woof! The eldest sounds like a grown ass man making that damned sound in my house! Can you imagine how many times I have been frightened out of my mind? Goodness Gracious Great Balls On Fire! If you haven't, well then, read along.
Great Spirit, has brought weather from Canada down here to Florida for a few days. It is not so unusual though, I mean, we have some sort of Winter every year, but listen to these jackass meteorologist and were all going to die from the cold. It's like these entertainers want to make it sound like we're all going to freeze in stance. This is Florida. I'm Native, and I'm good with what Mother Nature offers.
Good Morning, in Europe and the Middle East! Good Night In Hawaii! God Bless the U.S.A.! I am afraid that there will be tragic results from the mega cold hitting the country.
The Florida State Seminole's are National Champions in American type Football. I am so very pleased because this championship resulted in our Home Team bring Home a National Championship. I am so cheerful about this and yes, it is fantastic for our State of Florida.
Peace.
Thought I would hop on the ole tip-tap for a brief bit of opening up and talking about my visit with one of my doctors today. (My favorite) I wish to share with you, my guest, the going's on with my Meniere's Disease, the hearing loss, the symptoms I have been experiencing - vomiting, falling, pains etc. and a small wound at the site of my implant. Over all I would grade my visit this morning a score of outstanding. I suppose that with me and for me as a patient, this part of my Better Health Team, is in fact a consistent out standing team. Doc. wanted me in there on this past Friday. But I had no transportation...
Changes happened at doctors clinic, we know that there is sometimes turn-over that occur. When change happens with this team, my team, they simply pick up their bottoms and move along. I know this to be true because I have been with Dr. Danner, since right about 2008 and over the course of time I notice the absence of Folks. Well, One, a special someone there I let into my heart and I believe that what we had was more than just a patient - Doctor Assistant relationship, there was a rare sort of friendship. What an incredible young lady, with such a beautiful family, you know, one of those actual, what I say, as the All American Family. Oh my dear, a little good bye would have been nice. Some how I understand and I understand. I understand that for you maybe this was just a job, I don't know, but sweetie pie, you and your boys, all three became a part of my life. I looked forward to seeing you and even if but for a few minutes, we would connect and I would laugh and I would cry with you. Oh well, my sister, life happens like this sometime and I hold no ill. I carry a bit of sadness, yes but Miss. Lady, you're going to do well no matter where you've gone. You are a wonderful Mom, and I know you busted your rump around here at Doc.'s clinic in Tampa General Hospital. You work hard Honey! Roger that, Sister Ma'am. Go, and do well. Be well. Enjoy life with the fellas and please dear friend, know that you'll be missed.
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I had a face-to-face gathering after I had Audiometry Testing done. A series of audio tests that measured my hearing and as expected, this most current testing reflects even more loss of hearing. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I discussed surgical scenario's and a medicinal regimen change, but for now, we will run on a as needed basis for three months or so, which ever would come first. We spoke of the potentiality of having a Cochlear Implant on my right side, where it is that my bad good ear hole to the brain resides. Doctor has instructed I continue all present medications, has requested I wear my hearing aid in my right ear and to utilize my BAHA in conjunction with the hearing aid. To continue to treat the wound on site of implant with the prescribed medication and to continue with by mouth medicine.
For now, for today, and since my good right doctor had our talk, I am okay with continuing to operate under the status quo, with a sprinkle of pixie dust for now. We know and have an idea that sooner than later - maybe one year, maybe two - who knows, if I should continue with the sudden loss of hearing, and resulting loss of hearing, then maybe sooner than later.
I've begun to approach things differently when speaking of Meniere's Disease, my Neurological issues and the damned pains that are sometimes just to difficult to explain. At this very moment, at this instant, I am comfortable, medicated yes, and as ordered. But at this moment, I have not stabbing or feelings of my skeleton. I have some odd noises and sounds going on that I am hearing in my deaf left ear. The decrease of hearing over time and then, this most recent episode of total brief loss of hearing is truly problematic for me and is always present in mind. Oh yes, my "warp-o-vision" is Meniere's related too. Some of the pains I am having in my cervical spine could/might be related to Meneire's. A topic that doc and I discussed. I don't know if any of this dreadful mystery's will ever be solved, though, it sure is some weird shit to have all of this queer stuff going on in between these to Mal-functioning ears of mine.
I am exhausted and am ready to retire for the night, don't expect to fall asleep straight away, but I'll be able to listen to my bride breathe, maybe read some while being serenaded by The Three Dogg Security Service. Woof-woof! The eldest sounds like a grown ass man making that damned sound in my house! Can you imagine how many times I have been frightened out of my mind? Goodness Gracious Great Balls On Fire! If you haven't, well then, read along.
Great Spirit, has brought weather from Canada down here to Florida for a few days. It is not so unusual though, I mean, we have some sort of Winter every year, but listen to these jackass meteorologist and were all going to die from the cold. It's like these entertainers want to make it sound like we're all going to freeze in stance. This is Florida. I'm Native, and I'm good with what Mother Nature offers.
Good Morning, in Europe and the Middle East! Good Night In Hawaii! God Bless the U.S.A.! I am afraid that there will be tragic results from the mega cold hitting the country.
The Florida State Seminole's are National Champions in American type Football. I am so very pleased because this championship resulted in our Home Team bring Home a National Championship. I am so cheerful about this and yes, it is fantastic for our State of Florida.
Peace.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Happy, Happy New Years!! Welcome 2014!
Dear Readers and Guests,
A simple yet direct and hopeful wish that all guests are blessed to have a safe and peaceful new year and a very, very happy new year indeed, chock full of happy days, great Base Ball games, beautiful sun sets and peace. O' guests, I love you all! Some how, some way, Great Spirit has shown me that love of so many, so, so many, is medicine I would not pick up from the chemist. That this cosmic gift and my simple mind is unable to comprehend. May I grasp a hold of this data. Ma'am, and wrap it around my brains? I know, and I've known historically that I am blessed. I know I am loved, and I know, that in the name of love, there are Kindred who would come to my aide in a moments notice. Sadly , in the circles of my most near and dearest Kinfolk, I must share sad disgust and a sadness that causes one to fail miserably. For me, when it comes to this mysterious name called love, it is supposed to be a 'given' when it comes to love and understanding. Um, with me no, not in mine. Tonight, even though just a day tardy, AWOL, I say this here is about wishing folks a very, very happy new year.
Happy, Happy New Years To One and All!!! Happy New Years!! And Welcome 2014!!
Today, I have got to hold on to hope and faith that negative forces that have become factors in my health, and the health of my sisters must and will improve. My baby sister is working herself into hospital! With this, I have no doubt. It is more than possible that my Baby Sister is working herself to death. My God, Baby Sister! Linda, please, please do something! You need help!! There are three too many of six of us, to be as ill as we are. It simply doesn't make sense to not have nor gain the support of spousal units or Kin Folk and Friends! My God! Baby Sis, please, let us have a sweet and cool happy new year!! These negative energy's that seemingly have followed us for a few years, for some of us, for years and years. These negative energy's in our family during a year of ill health are perpetuated by peoples who have tried everything possible. As a family it is our responsibility to bring love and respect to our tables. Now, my Kin Folks are in need to be loved yes. Some of my Kin Folk are in desperate need to speak. Seen? Let's Do It.
My God, it's not about separation, it's not about singling out one, or being loud, it is about asking for a united front. We are family. If someone needs a hand lets help take care of each other. I am here! We are to be here for one and each another as family. I know I am and I have four Sisters. All of them, I love with all my heart. I love to call my Baby Sis or my Kid Sister them names. These Women, are like my children too me. I love them with my life. I love them from my blood and would die for them.
Baby Sisters, hope you all had a very Happy New Years!! Happy New Years 2014!!
A simple yet direct and hopeful wish that all guests are blessed to have a safe and peaceful new year and a very, very happy new year indeed, chock full of happy days, great Base Ball games, beautiful sun sets and peace. O' guests, I love you all! Some how, some way, Great Spirit has shown me that love of so many, so, so many, is medicine I would not pick up from the chemist. That this cosmic gift and my simple mind is unable to comprehend. May I grasp a hold of this data. Ma'am, and wrap it around my brains? I know, and I've known historically that I am blessed. I know I am loved, and I know, that in the name of love, there are Kindred who would come to my aide in a moments notice. Sadly , in the circles of my most near and dearest Kinfolk, I must share sad disgust and a sadness that causes one to fail miserably. For me, when it comes to this mysterious name called love, it is supposed to be a 'given' when it comes to love and understanding. Um, with me no, not in mine. Tonight, even though just a day tardy, AWOL, I say this here is about wishing folks a very, very happy new year.
Happy, Happy New Years To One and All!!! Happy New Years!! And Welcome 2014!!
Today, I have got to hold on to hope and faith that negative forces that have become factors in my health, and the health of my sisters must and will improve. My baby sister is working herself into hospital! With this, I have no doubt. It is more than possible that my Baby Sister is working herself to death. My God, Baby Sister! Linda, please, please do something! You need help!! There are three too many of six of us, to be as ill as we are. It simply doesn't make sense to not have nor gain the support of spousal units or Kin Folk and Friends! My God! Baby Sis, please, let us have a sweet and cool happy new year!! These negative energy's that seemingly have followed us for a few years, for some of us, for years and years. These negative energy's in our family during a year of ill health are perpetuated by peoples who have tried everything possible. As a family it is our responsibility to bring love and respect to our tables. Now, my Kin Folks are in need to be loved yes. Some of my Kin Folk are in desperate need to speak. Seen? Let's Do It.
My God, it's not about separation, it's not about singling out one, or being loud, it is about asking for a united front. We are family. If someone needs a hand lets help take care of each other. I am here! We are to be here for one and each another as family. I know I am and I have four Sisters. All of them, I love with all my heart. I love to call my Baby Sis or my Kid Sister them names. These Women, are like my children too me. I love them with my life. I love them from my blood and would die for them.
Baby Sisters, hope you all had a very Happy New Years!! Happy New Years 2014!!
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