Kindred One,
This is an answer to a readers question, "What is it like to have Meniere's Disease and be in crowds?"
Dearest Reader and Guest,
I speak only from an I basis and share that I have had moments in time when I have felt a rush of anxiety while in large crowds, but I am not certain if I could say that this is totally from the Meniere's Disease. With the total loss of hearing in my left ear and poor quality hearing in my right ear, created by Meniere's, I can say then that yes, I feel a difference while in public's large crowds. There are times I feel strong and walk well with my implant sitting out up there and am okay and will chat and speak with Folks in a crowd. Waiting in line to gain entrance to the stadium for a game with ten's of thousands of other Folks, having a Bud and waiting for the game. Dear Reader, I'm trying not to let that become a piece of my Meniere's and these symptoms. In my case, there are so damned many that it tests my sanity. Yes, the crowds, I have been to concerts by George Michaels, George Strait, Stevie Nicks, Alan Jackson, amongst other artists and have attended activities on occasion in public, with POW Wow's, Pride Festivals, and such and what like. Since I was struck by this Meniere's, I have kept the attitude that I want to push my envelope as far and as strongly as I can.
I have had issues with Meniere's in these situations. Some at the festivity and mostly while I was facing symptoms to begin with. Unfortunately for me, I tend to have symptoms at some level or degree twenty four hours a day. So what am I to do is keep on doing what it is I have to do. I live to live and learn. By the way, I can get anxious as hell while standing in line at the market from the gagging, sweating, dizziness and the wish to lie down on the floor at the store where shopping is a pleasure. God.
That was an mighty fine question Kindred One. I hope I gave some sort of perspective based on me and my experiences with Meniere's. Please keep in mind that I am not a professional and do not represent myself as such. Then, it is my belief , the crowd issues will happen only as it is to happen. I have no control. Neither does any other person with Meniere's Disease. I wish you well with your adventures returning to safe crowds and enjoy your life immensely. I truly hope I have shed some light on this matter for you my dear reader. And Kindred One, if this is something that is particularly difficult for you, I would ask you please to consult a Pastor, parent, or therapist.
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Meniere's Sleep, My Cousins Peacock, and Contemplating Frankenstein
Relations,
Until 1700 today I had slept, sleeping hard and heavily, and so much so I missed several calls on both the cellular device and home telephone. I am aware there were Meniere's Disease related issues going on all day yesterday, and then today was a follow up on the sounds, dizziness, and nausea. The usual suspects and assorted symptoms of this invisible disease.
Last night and during the course of my sleep, through the night and the sleep of today I have been tortured by pains in my neck, back and shoulders. Let me share, to many respects and some degree, I say yesterday's torture, what with the Frankenstein monster mask that is bolted to the tonnage of metal. This is hideous. All of those "don't move's please", all afternoon. All of which created many exhausted and pained muscles and skeleton. The social calendar yesterday affected my day today as well. The thoughts of the way I was treated by these professional people at a diagnostic center of all places, truly disappointed me. Right. I suspect spending an afternoon between tons of metal and magnets was enough to trigger many physical and emotional/psychological scenes and pains. So, I prayed, and said my Catholic prayers too. What?
NOTE: I failed to mention yesterday, that I was not provided a patient call cord or button.
Today, was today, and it has been here and gone. The warmth and darkness of night has been here in the sanctuary and preserve many hours now. Our bird cousins of the night are out and about, singing their beautiful song. That breeze coming in from the East has been welcoming. Soon cool come back. Earlier today, maybe late afternoon sometime, I heard and listened to peacocks, the screaming and hollering at each other from a distance, back and forth, carrying on a chat like they're on the telephone. It is an awesome music, I am so happy, and it is so wonderfully good for their return. I have to admit, I thought the worst case scenario had happened. Seen? But no, my fancy tail cousins are back and around. Great Blessings, Sir!
Until 1700 today I had slept, sleeping hard and heavily, and so much so I missed several calls on both the cellular device and home telephone. I am aware there were Meniere's Disease related issues going on all day yesterday, and then today was a follow up on the sounds, dizziness, and nausea. The usual suspects and assorted symptoms of this invisible disease.
Last night and during the course of my sleep, through the night and the sleep of today I have been tortured by pains in my neck, back and shoulders. Let me share, to many respects and some degree, I say yesterday's torture, what with the Frankenstein monster mask that is bolted to the tonnage of metal. This is hideous. All of those "don't move's please", all afternoon. All of which created many exhausted and pained muscles and skeleton. The social calendar yesterday affected my day today as well. The thoughts of the way I was treated by these professional people at a diagnostic center of all places, truly disappointed me. Right. I suspect spending an afternoon between tons of metal and magnets was enough to trigger many physical and emotional/psychological scenes and pains. So, I prayed, and said my Catholic prayers too. What?
NOTE: I failed to mention yesterday, that I was not provided a patient call cord or button.
Today, was today, and it has been here and gone. The warmth and darkness of night has been here in the sanctuary and preserve many hours now. Our bird cousins of the night are out and about, singing their beautiful song. That breeze coming in from the East has been welcoming. Soon cool come back. Earlier today, maybe late afternoon sometime, I heard and listened to peacocks, the screaming and hollering at each other from a distance, back and forth, carrying on a chat like they're on the telephone. It is an awesome music, I am so happy, and it is so wonderfully good for their return. I have to admit, I thought the worst case scenario had happened. Seen? But no, my fancy tail cousins are back and around. Great Blessings, Sir!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
A Note To Baby Sister Mom-Of-Two-Males, Congratulations!
Seen?
And a whole bunch of Folks know what's this and what's that's. Right. And, your son's know this, Sis to Ma, Ma to Dad even though they're dead, folks would say same-same...
...they also know, no, knew, their Mother, their Mommy works hard everyday. They know that Mommy goes to work sick sometimes and she prays.
And She prays everyday for the two most awesome kids in the world. My nephews.
She works hard every day of her life and don't hate her you all. She's doing what she's got to do.
It's just a fact that there is a whole damned bunch of us Kin Folk here in our Clan, who know and have a good idea this baby sister of mine and ours took after her Dad. Our Daddy.
I love you Kid Sis!! There are so many people out here who love, Honor, and respect you for what you do and for what you have done.
Goodness gracious great balls on fire! You ROCK!
Work it baby girl!
You deserve this. Congratulations! Congratulations! Big time damn it, Woman. Can't wait to see and read about you in the social pages! Huh? Well, alright then, I thought you knew.
Love, until my last breathe, your big brother Mario. Please Mamaw, please check on the weight of that turkey. Okay, love? Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Love ya Kid! Seen?
And a whole bunch of Folks know what's this and what's that's. Right. And, your son's know this, Sis to Ma, Ma to Dad even though they're dead, folks would say same-same...
...they also know, no, knew, their Mother, their Mommy works hard everyday. They know that Mommy goes to work sick sometimes and she prays.
And She prays everyday for the two most awesome kids in the world. My nephews.
She works hard every day of her life and don't hate her you all. She's doing what she's got to do.
It's just a fact that there is a whole damned bunch of us Kin Folk here in our Clan, who know and have a good idea this baby sister of mine and ours took after her Dad. Our Daddy.
I love you Kid Sis!! There are so many people out here who love, Honor, and respect you for what you do and for what you have done.
Goodness gracious great balls on fire! You ROCK!
Work it baby girl!
You deserve this. Congratulations! Congratulations! Big time damn it, Woman. Can't wait to see and read about you in the social pages! Huh? Well, alright then, I thought you knew.
Love, until my last breathe, your big brother Mario. Please Mamaw, please check on the weight of that turkey. Okay, love? Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Love ya Kid! Seen?
Today's MRI's And Business Of Meniere's
Hello, Howdy, and Greetings,
Yes, yes, I am doing okay, maybe even, a fair state of mental and emotional blah-blah-blah. I have spent the past two or three days spinning my wheels worrying and ruminating about the procedures and MRI's I was ordered to have today.
Please, let me share that I made a mistake in not following my instincts weeks ago when I seriously considered terminating my patient diagnostic imaging clinic. There's just been too many stories, too many 'I let her talk me into the tube' and Dear Folks, these good, kind peoples have known me as a patient for decades. Not a year or two or few, but for decades.
I brought home one of those customer satisfaction cards for evaluation. Honey, it's best I not complete any of the sorts this evening. The most of today was kick started by a call saying I was not accepted for the tests. Oh My Good-Goodness God, the lady's at the diagnostic center wanted to call me at 0935 this morning, ten minutes before my chauffeur got here, talking about there was not approval. Then, I let some poop hit the fan in my brains, so I let my sister know, that I could hardly understand her by her lies and speaking in such a banged up form of 'Spanglish' I couldn't make and knew she was fake, bad. There was no one speaking like that while I spent a chunk of my afternoon there. But, really, how in the hell is a company going to call the patient 10 minutes before the van and chauffeur shows up at my drive way. God Bless America! I lite up like the Christmas lights at The Griswold's and then! Them folks understood that what Ms. She was talking about was unacceptable, and she lied too! The diagnostic company was on the telephone, Botswana was on the telephone at here job, and I was on two telephones her at home.
By the way, I informed Miss. Lady-Who-Speaks-With-Forked-Tongue, that I was going to be visiting the clinic and that the van was to be here any minute. Well, by the time, I finished, I had the numbers, names, and satisfaction of having this mysterious stupid-number folks found themselves lieing and going through changes over.
And! I made the mistake of witnessing and having this very-teenie-tiny-Miss.-White-Lady, cut damned straight in front of me. I mean, she who had no booty or meow-meow, it looked same-same in front and back, but anyways, yes, I was by-passed by a white woman. This truly happened today. For shits sake, a run----right in front of my big ass - and had white over this big-ass-mixed-breed in the fucking year 2013. Well, I be a son-of-a-bitch. I saw this happen right before my eyes. Please, my Lord, let me rest well tonight No, I did not speak up or speak out. The folks were about to process MRI's on me. I didn't want to be some body's oops. Seen? No damned accident. True? There was no speaking with anybody or any one today about this humiliation. And then, to boot, them Folks had me in an MRI contraption that was so huge! I was horrified of getting squished. So off the freaking crazy train I went! Passed Georgia too! Look, I was the ham and the cheese between two huge magnetic metal monster's of a machine! OH, My Lawd!
PLEASE NOTE:
NEVER ONE TIME, NOT ONCE, I SAY, WAS I PROVIDED EAR PROTECTION! I WAS IN THIS MACHINE FOR OVER THREE WHOLE DAMNED HOURS. 3.5+ HOURS THERE ABOUT WITH AND WITHOUT THE FRANKENSTEIN MASK. WITH AND WITH OUT CONTRAST. A NEW HALF-a-FACE MASK AND A FUCKING CONTRAPTION THAT WRAPPED AROUND ME, MY ARMS AND CHEST AND STOMACH! WELL, SHIT NO THAT DIDN'T WORK, WE RELEASED MY ARMS! MY HYPER-ACTIVE, CLAUSTROPHOBIC, TWITCHING UPPER BODY. THE PAINS IN MY NECK, BACK, EARS AND SKULL. AS I LISTENED TO THIS MADDENING MACHINE FOR OVER THREE HOURS! WTF IS THAT?!...
... tonight, and all evening, and since I left the Starbucks that was across the street, I have not felt myself. My core is sensitive and I really haven't wanted to speak to anyone tonight. It's best this way, en'it?
I have had the entire spectrum of my Meniere's sounds and noises, run through this skull today. All day. My tears came too easily earlier this morning. I am not accustomed to what it feels like when I am lied too and disrespected. How are you as a company really going to by pass a customer over another because of ethnicity. And why lie to a customer like I was lied to this morning?
What about this, why even lie? Seen.
The balance and coordination pieces have been fair today. Too many bumps into and hitting my legs on walls and furniture. I have had several inner ear spasms in both ears. There has been a steady dizziness that seems to have lingered since yesterday. From light to heavy, I must navigate with caution. I don't throw myself with reckless abandon into stuff. Usually. Dig?
Yes, yes, I am doing okay, maybe even, a fair state of mental and emotional blah-blah-blah. I have spent the past two or three days spinning my wheels worrying and ruminating about the procedures and MRI's I was ordered to have today.
Please, let me share that I made a mistake in not following my instincts weeks ago when I seriously considered terminating my patient diagnostic imaging clinic. There's just been too many stories, too many 'I let her talk me into the tube' and Dear Folks, these good, kind peoples have known me as a patient for decades. Not a year or two or few, but for decades.
I brought home one of those customer satisfaction cards for evaluation. Honey, it's best I not complete any of the sorts this evening. The most of today was kick started by a call saying I was not accepted for the tests. Oh My Good-Goodness God, the lady's at the diagnostic center wanted to call me at 0935 this morning, ten minutes before my chauffeur got here, talking about there was not approval. Then, I let some poop hit the fan in my brains, so I let my sister know, that I could hardly understand her by her lies and speaking in such a banged up form of 'Spanglish' I couldn't make and knew she was fake, bad. There was no one speaking like that while I spent a chunk of my afternoon there. But, really, how in the hell is a company going to call the patient 10 minutes before the van and chauffeur shows up at my drive way. God Bless America! I lite up like the Christmas lights at The Griswold's and then! Them folks understood that what Ms. She was talking about was unacceptable, and she lied too! The diagnostic company was on the telephone, Botswana was on the telephone at here job, and I was on two telephones her at home.
By the way, I informed Miss. Lady-Who-Speaks-With-Forked-Tongue, that I was going to be visiting the clinic and that the van was to be here any minute. Well, by the time, I finished, I had the numbers, names, and satisfaction of having this mysterious stupid-number folks found themselves lieing and going through changes over.
And! I made the mistake of witnessing and having this very-teenie-tiny-Miss.-White-Lady, cut damned straight in front of me. I mean, she who had no booty or meow-meow, it looked same-same in front and back, but anyways, yes, I was by-passed by a white woman. This truly happened today. For shits sake, a run----right in front of my big ass - and had white over this big-ass-mixed-breed in the fucking year 2013. Well, I be a son-of-a-bitch. I saw this happen right before my eyes. Please, my Lord, let me rest well tonight No, I did not speak up or speak out. The folks were about to process MRI's on me. I didn't want to be some body's oops. Seen? No damned accident. True? There was no speaking with anybody or any one today about this humiliation. And then, to boot, them Folks had me in an MRI contraption that was so huge! I was horrified of getting squished. So off the freaking crazy train I went! Passed Georgia too! Look, I was the ham and the cheese between two huge magnetic metal monster's of a machine! OH, My Lawd!
PLEASE NOTE:
NEVER ONE TIME, NOT ONCE, I SAY, WAS I PROVIDED EAR PROTECTION! I WAS IN THIS MACHINE FOR OVER THREE WHOLE DAMNED HOURS. 3.5+ HOURS THERE ABOUT WITH AND WITHOUT THE FRANKENSTEIN MASK. WITH AND WITH OUT CONTRAST. A NEW HALF-a-FACE MASK AND A FUCKING CONTRAPTION THAT WRAPPED AROUND ME, MY ARMS AND CHEST AND STOMACH! WELL, SHIT NO THAT DIDN'T WORK, WE RELEASED MY ARMS! MY HYPER-ACTIVE, CLAUSTROPHOBIC, TWITCHING UPPER BODY. THE PAINS IN MY NECK, BACK, EARS AND SKULL. AS I LISTENED TO THIS MADDENING MACHINE FOR OVER THREE HOURS! WTF IS THAT?!...
... tonight, and all evening, and since I left the Starbucks that was across the street, I have not felt myself. My core is sensitive and I really haven't wanted to speak to anyone tonight. It's best this way, en'it?
I have had the entire spectrum of my Meniere's sounds and noises, run through this skull today. All day. My tears came too easily earlier this morning. I am not accustomed to what it feels like when I am lied too and disrespected. How are you as a company really going to by pass a customer over another because of ethnicity. And why lie to a customer like I was lied to this morning?
What about this, why even lie? Seen.
The balance and coordination pieces have been fair today. Too many bumps into and hitting my legs on walls and furniture. I have had several inner ear spasms in both ears. There has been a steady dizziness that seems to have lingered since yesterday. From light to heavy, I must navigate with caution. I don't throw myself with reckless abandon into stuff. Usually. Dig?
Friday, November 15, 2013
Hearing. Sounds and Noises, Deaf Left and Hard of Hearing Right Ear Hole To The Brain
Greeting's to one and all,
This is a quick summary of how my day went with the Meniere's Disease today, and how the many etcetera's, affected my many emotions. The disgusting sweats, nausea, the all-day dizziness, stumbles, and bashing into walls and furniture.
Well, it went something like this.
Today, 15 November 13, I have had three or four left inner ear spasms. Deep and so unreachable, that the pain halts the notion of time, and I ride the pain threw for as long as it may take. There is not anything else I can do. Happy to say no ear spasms from the right hard of hearing ear, though I must say that the right ear hole to the brain, has had loud damned popping off and on all day. Oh yes, and by the way, I fought the sleep earlier today and victory was mine. I did not succumb to the powers of Meniere's related sleeping marathons, I have experienced way too many times over the years just how I am powerless over the sleep and slumber of Meniere's, to sleep is dictated by the disease.
Right. Moving along then. I have had two facial spasms today, both on the left. Something that I have been wanting to share is that day before yesterday, Wednesday, it must had been, I had a spasm from hell and while manipulating the left cheek and jaw, I felt a pop and had complete, utter pain in the corner of my jaw. I am happy to report that though sore and bruised, I am better on that piece and having just two spasms in my beautiful left face was bonus. It hurts so bad. I promise this, my friends. Really, there have been times when all I can do is moan or howl, as loudly as possible, which usually isn't likely because of the spasm happening in my left face.
Kindred One, consider this, imagine the last time you had a foot or calf muscle spasm. Maybe a back spasm you may have had, now, imagine applying this horrid spasm pain to your face. Yes, just like that and that might have been a fine description in visual form right there. Seen?
The right hard of hearing ear has been hard of hearing all day and has had a series of sounds and noises that have been monotonous and frustrating as hell. For most of all day, including up to this damned instant, I can hear and am listening to cicadas in my right hard of hearing ear. But the ones I listen to are so damned loud and do not originate from the preserve out back, these giant bastards live and have concert within the confines of my skull. My Mr. Potato Head. Seen. In my deaf left ear I have been listening to very loud and obnoxious forms of communications. Damned beeps, and more beeping, sonar, and tele-type ticker tape, all are damned near more than I can handle. Shit. I must include the day long noise and sounds of the engine of a zeppelin, immediately above my lodge forty or so yards high and stuck in suspended animation. Right here over this address. I have noticed an increase in helicopter traffic out there and some how they all locate my number and remain above. Yes. From within my thick ass skull. Not out side.
This is a quick summary of how my day went with the Meniere's Disease today, and how the many etcetera's, affected my many emotions. The disgusting sweats, nausea, the all-day dizziness, stumbles, and bashing into walls and furniture.
Well, it went something like this.
Today, 15 November 13, I have had three or four left inner ear spasms. Deep and so unreachable, that the pain halts the notion of time, and I ride the pain threw for as long as it may take. There is not anything else I can do. Happy to say no ear spasms from the right hard of hearing ear, though I must say that the right ear hole to the brain, has had loud damned popping off and on all day. Oh yes, and by the way, I fought the sleep earlier today and victory was mine. I did not succumb to the powers of Meniere's related sleeping marathons, I have experienced way too many times over the years just how I am powerless over the sleep and slumber of Meniere's, to sleep is dictated by the disease.
Right. Moving along then. I have had two facial spasms today, both on the left. Something that I have been wanting to share is that day before yesterday, Wednesday, it must had been, I had a spasm from hell and while manipulating the left cheek and jaw, I felt a pop and had complete, utter pain in the corner of my jaw. I am happy to report that though sore and bruised, I am better on that piece and having just two spasms in my beautiful left face was bonus. It hurts so bad. I promise this, my friends. Really, there have been times when all I can do is moan or howl, as loudly as possible, which usually isn't likely because of the spasm happening in my left face.
Kindred One, consider this, imagine the last time you had a foot or calf muscle spasm. Maybe a back spasm you may have had, now, imagine applying this horrid spasm pain to your face. Yes, just like that and that might have been a fine description in visual form right there. Seen?
The right hard of hearing ear has been hard of hearing all day and has had a series of sounds and noises that have been monotonous and frustrating as hell. For most of all day, including up to this damned instant, I can hear and am listening to cicadas in my right hard of hearing ear. But the ones I listen to are so damned loud and do not originate from the preserve out back, these giant bastards live and have concert within the confines of my skull. My Mr. Potato Head. Seen. In my deaf left ear I have been listening to very loud and obnoxious forms of communications. Damned beeps, and more beeping, sonar, and tele-type ticker tape, all are damned near more than I can handle. Shit. I must include the day long noise and sounds of the engine of a zeppelin, immediately above my lodge forty or so yards high and stuck in suspended animation. Right here over this address. I have noticed an increase in helicopter traffic out there and some how they all locate my number and remain above. Yes. From within my thick ass skull. Not out side.
Sometimes I Forget To Breath
Hello, and welcome back to my path, which is also my safe place. I come here to open up and share what's going on with the Meniere's in my DNA, its symptoms and ups and downs of what Meniere's does to me, my life and the way I live. Having this safe place provides me the opportunity to communicate of other diseases, the cervical spine pain and issues, the lesions on the spinal cord, the illnesses, and cornucopia of life that seems to have reached a bottle neck in the nerves of all the hemisphere's of my extraordinary simple computer center.
This is where I have the connections and lightening bolts of electricity bouncing and striking about my brain, creating energy for me, supplying me with hope and a motivation to move. To keep on keeping on. This mind, my spirit's, heart and I are to battle each bout of Meniere's Disease with attacks of positive energy and influence. On an every attack basis with Meniere's and pain.
I say, I must remember to remember to breathe, sometimes when I become anxious or upset, I truly forget to breath. One of the worst sensations in a persons life is to lose breathe. It is an absolutely horrifying, mind bending event.
Asthma, has rendered necessary for me to increase the amount of breathing treatments. Due to this exacerbation of the pulmonary disease, asthma. I have abused my emergency inhalers, I am aware of this, but damn it my friend, the need to breath is paramount in my life and I know what it feels like to have my breath stop breathing.
I can only cry when I can't breath, and when I cry the emotions affect my breathing. There have been too many trips in an ambulance to hospital - too many times I drove myself straight to the emergency department door. My dearest wife, Bwanna keeps on me to take my treatments. She's such good medicine for me. I love her so. My safe place here lets me cut open my heart, to expose my minds inner most memory's. My memory's. So too many bad ones from my youth. I have shared them here. Please, I wish to thank you, my Kindred One's, for being here with me, thank you for letting me vent, and for letting me be true. Raw. Honest about all. My Path. Seen?
This is where I have the connections and lightening bolts of electricity bouncing and striking about my brain, creating energy for me, supplying me with hope and a motivation to move. To keep on keeping on. This mind, my spirit's, heart and I are to battle each bout of Meniere's Disease with attacks of positive energy and influence. On an every attack basis with Meniere's and pain.
I say, I must remember to remember to breathe, sometimes when I become anxious or upset, I truly forget to breath. One of the worst sensations in a persons life is to lose breathe. It is an absolutely horrifying, mind bending event.
Asthma, has rendered necessary for me to increase the amount of breathing treatments. Due to this exacerbation of the pulmonary disease, asthma. I have abused my emergency inhalers, I am aware of this, but damn it my friend, the need to breath is paramount in my life and I know what it feels like to have my breath stop breathing.
I can only cry when I can't breath, and when I cry the emotions affect my breathing. There have been too many trips in an ambulance to hospital - too many times I drove myself straight to the emergency department door. My dearest wife, Bwanna keeps on me to take my treatments. She's such good medicine for me. I love her so. My safe place here lets me cut open my heart, to expose my minds inner most memory's. My memory's. So too many bad ones from my youth. I have shared them here. Please, I wish to thank you, my Kindred One's, for being here with me, thank you for letting me vent, and for letting me be true. Raw. Honest about all. My Path. Seen?
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Last Communique Left Me Feeling Incomplete, A Chat
Please, pardon me, as I have felt heavy hearted for so long, to have this major break through from out of the clear weeks ago continue with my focus being sharpened, my boundaries more secure and sure. With the last communique sent out and about I felt incomplete, almost as if I hadn't had enough time with your company. I feel safe and at ease when I am here describing my path, my life, as I see, feel, and live this life I have been blessed to have with you, my Guest. Oh, good-damn-goodness, there is always something going on. Even I have found myself in some uplifting, good and glad circumstances with Folks who cross paths with me during times of ill. Many times and to my core, the synchronicity of having lives cross still gives me blisters on the sides of my brains.
Sometime good, some times maybe not, and then my friends, there are the times when socks and shoes have been knocked off, figuratively speaking of course, but even still, leaving me with a bit of a missed breath, as if having to inhale twice at one time. I do not mean to be interpreted as an ape pounding my chest, I just wish to share how I am okay with the concept of some others who find me one they would like to get to know, I reckon maybe, I never get over that flush when flirted with. Ya-Hey, WTF, I've always been a smooth operator, but I'm not the one looking, you see? I'm a very happily married man. One man married to his early-back-in-the-day, earlier-than-high-school-sweet-heart, my dear bride, Bella Bawnna. Dang. I promise I won't write like that for a minute, all of them damned dashes and shit, but anyways, to have them who are searching for their prey in a Super Market or a Department Store, gives me a dash of creepy feeling most times.
True? Hell yeah it is true!
Alright, yes, okay that's tough, maybe so it is folks are out looking for their love. True. I'm not, and for that matter, I am ALWAYS with Brings-The-Water. I mean, some of these Women have the 'nads to flirt with me close to my Old Guuurl, they don't know. No, Honey's, they don't know.
One other thing that is so uncool in these huge boxes is a deaf and hard of hearing dude getting lost in the store with the big red dot. Shoot, mess around and I have to whistle our family bird call, then Mama whistle back - and damn it, it sound like she is way over there and three isle over buy the paper goods. Hey! It's ugly as hell to feel lost. I know this. I have felt it. To be separated from my Doctor Baby Mama, who I love her so much, is like damned crazy, uncomfortable. This woman is my I Dream Of Jennie, my Earth Angel, my Earth Mate, the person I have been married with for thirty four years and approaching forty on the years we have known one another. My Little Blonde Mixed Breed Cuban, Red Neck, Georgia Peachy Baby Doll was for real. She Is for real and here we are now, our baby girls grown and growing, we have our hounds and turtles, each other, our love and the roof over our head. Like Randy says, yo, we're in it to win it!
I want to be right here next to you. Love.
Sometime good, some times maybe not, and then my friends, there are the times when socks and shoes have been knocked off, figuratively speaking of course, but even still, leaving me with a bit of a missed breath, as if having to inhale twice at one time. I do not mean to be interpreted as an ape pounding my chest, I just wish to share how I am okay with the concept of some others who find me one they would like to get to know, I reckon maybe, I never get over that flush when flirted with. Ya-Hey, WTF, I've always been a smooth operator, but I'm not the one looking, you see? I'm a very happily married man. One man married to his early-back-in-the-day, earlier-than-high-school-sweet-heart, my dear bride, Bella Bawnna. Dang. I promise I won't write like that for a minute, all of them damned dashes and shit, but anyways, to have them who are searching for their prey in a Super Market or a Department Store, gives me a dash of creepy feeling most times.
True? Hell yeah it is true!
Alright, yes, okay that's tough, maybe so it is folks are out looking for their love. True. I'm not, and for that matter, I am ALWAYS with Brings-The-Water. I mean, some of these Women have the 'nads to flirt with me close to my Old Guuurl, they don't know. No, Honey's, they don't know.
One other thing that is so uncool in these huge boxes is a deaf and hard of hearing dude getting lost in the store with the big red dot. Shoot, mess around and I have to whistle our family bird call, then Mama whistle back - and damn it, it sound like she is way over there and three isle over buy the paper goods. Hey! It's ugly as hell to feel lost. I know this. I have felt it. To be separated from my Doctor Baby Mama, who I love her so much, is like damned crazy, uncomfortable. This woman is my I Dream Of Jennie, my Earth Angel, my Earth Mate, the person I have been married with for thirty four years and approaching forty on the years we have known one another. My Little Blonde Mixed Breed Cuban, Red Neck, Georgia Peachy Baby Doll was for real. She Is for real and here we are now, our baby girls grown and growing, we have our hounds and turtles, each other, our love and the roof over our head. Like Randy says, yo, we're in it to win it!
I want to be right here next to you. Love.
Reporting: 14 November 2013, Meniere's And Neurological Update
Today, 14 November 2013, has been a roller coasters ride that provided me moments of pleasure, enjoyment, tears, fears, and pain's from the miscellaneous odds and ends ailing my young body. Sure, I know, fifty four isn't exactly the new thirty four, but there is some good coming out of a lot of hard work inside this skull and from outside of this lodge. Good energy and positive strengthening infusions coming from folks in my team who have invested time and energy into my case, as a patient. In whichever capacity I may be representing at any particular place or time, as a patient. No matter the doctor or practice, nor whether it be with my therapist Sir Dude, who had counsel with me this afternoon. Our visit was quite timely, too many weeks without my sit down made for a me with pent up notions. The exchange was above average, I was near an anxiety melting and did in fact melted some as I must have cried for ten minutes or so, a couple of moments when I was on the verge of crying uncontrollably. Trust.
Those many special and wonderful folks who work with She-With-Many-Names, my professor at the University of South Florida at Tampa General Hospital's, Neurological Pain and Burn Center are an above average team that function effortlessly. That awesome Crew at the clinic where my right good doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, practices medicine. His clinic is phenomenal in every aspect of patient care that I can think of at this time. The staff are professional, caring, and empathetic. Over the course of the past four plus years of working with doctor and staff on the Meniere's Disease, the surgery's, and procedures, the deafness and loss of hearing, are all matter of the disease we have deal with here at this world renowned practice. It would not be right of me if I did not share with you, my Guest's and readers, I have fallen in love with my doctor, my Dr. Audiologist, who's cute as a button she is, his every assistant rock's the free world - Roger's Mommy is an awesome young lady who is an above average doctor's assistant. She is such a professional, but, has taken moments with me to shed a tear or three. Every staff member in his employ here at Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center, are the kind of folks we as manager's can only pray to have work for us. In my heart, I am related to every and each one. We've come a long way, and we all know there is more work to be done. The ear spasms continue, my hearing continues to decrease in quality, the unusual healing at the site of my implant and abutment continues to have issue every once in a while, and of course, the necessity of my medications which will have me visit my clinic every couple or few months. If you would like to have a look and read, the email address is, www.tampabayhearing.com . A true, extraordinary practice is here for help.
For now, and for a time spell, much focus has been shifted, which has been blessed Dr. Danner, and this is to be the "what's happening" on the other side of hospital compound and grounds. The severity of these pains, are pain's that are an around-the-clock life of pain. The misery of these pains will sometimes trigger anger at self and this shit is so depressing. All of the above and the issue with lack of improvement or recovery has influenced my professor at the Neurological Pain Center into further action. We are to continue with another round of Botox, this is round one of three and will take place on 25 November. The cervical spine pain, the pain in this neck of mine has changed my attitude and has changed my mind on a few things in life and my path. Facial Spasms are unreal. Who would think? And to be stirred from a deep sleep in the darkness of night by the nine pain going on in my upper body plays with a mans emotions. Dig?
Kindred One, this pain and pains in my back, shoulders, and arms, weigh heavy on me and are pressing matters more as time comes. Negative relief from the pills and capsules. The mystery's behind all of this, the mystery of a lesion on the tip of my spinal cord. Yes, there is concern, this is a concern that comes from proper places in my energy. There are medical file's with my name on them full of reports and notes on those Botox injections, the injections of nerve blocks, the medications of a variety and a classification of high security that I take by mouth everyday. These are not good indicators. Talk between She-With-Many-Names and I, become more and more about surgery. Medicinally speaking, we are just about at maximum full speed ahead. Time.
Earlier this afternoon, I contacted the diagnostic center to coordinate appointment dates and times for the various MRI's that have been ordered by my Professor. Next Wednesday, 20 November, I will have the following procedures conducted; MRI Cervical Spine, with out contrast. MRI Thoracic Spine with and with out contrast, this one order, according to Procedure Requisition is 'evaluation for further lesions related to lumbar area. Procedure three is MRI of the Brain With Contrast. This to evaluate for further lesions related to lumbar area. And for shits sake, I just read and noticed for the first time that the fourth MRI Cervical Spine With and With out Contrast, is another "evaluation for further lesions related to lumbar area". Shit.
Seen.
Those many special and wonderful folks who work with She-With-Many-Names, my professor at the University of South Florida at Tampa General Hospital's, Neurological Pain and Burn Center are an above average team that function effortlessly. That awesome Crew at the clinic where my right good doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, practices medicine. His clinic is phenomenal in every aspect of patient care that I can think of at this time. The staff are professional, caring, and empathetic. Over the course of the past four plus years of working with doctor and staff on the Meniere's Disease, the surgery's, and procedures, the deafness and loss of hearing, are all matter of the disease we have deal with here at this world renowned practice. It would not be right of me if I did not share with you, my Guest's and readers, I have fallen in love with my doctor, my Dr. Audiologist, who's cute as a button she is, his every assistant rock's the free world - Roger's Mommy is an awesome young lady who is an above average doctor's assistant. She is such a professional, but, has taken moments with me to shed a tear or three. Every staff member in his employ here at Tampa Bay Hearing & Balance Center, are the kind of folks we as manager's can only pray to have work for us. In my heart, I am related to every and each one. We've come a long way, and we all know there is more work to be done. The ear spasms continue, my hearing continues to decrease in quality, the unusual healing at the site of my implant and abutment continues to have issue every once in a while, and of course, the necessity of my medications which will have me visit my clinic every couple or few months. If you would like to have a look and read, the email address is, www.tampabayhearing.com . A true, extraordinary practice is here for help.
For now, and for a time spell, much focus has been shifted, which has been blessed Dr. Danner, and this is to be the "what's happening" on the other side of hospital compound and grounds. The severity of these pains, are pain's that are an around-the-clock life of pain. The misery of these pains will sometimes trigger anger at self and this shit is so depressing. All of the above and the issue with lack of improvement or recovery has influenced my professor at the Neurological Pain Center into further action. We are to continue with another round of Botox, this is round one of three and will take place on 25 November. The cervical spine pain, the pain in this neck of mine has changed my attitude and has changed my mind on a few things in life and my path. Facial Spasms are unreal. Who would think? And to be stirred from a deep sleep in the darkness of night by the nine pain going on in my upper body plays with a mans emotions. Dig?
Kindred One, this pain and pains in my back, shoulders, and arms, weigh heavy on me and are pressing matters more as time comes. Negative relief from the pills and capsules. The mystery's behind all of this, the mystery of a lesion on the tip of my spinal cord. Yes, there is concern, this is a concern that comes from proper places in my energy. There are medical file's with my name on them full of reports and notes on those Botox injections, the injections of nerve blocks, the medications of a variety and a classification of high security that I take by mouth everyday. These are not good indicators. Talk between She-With-Many-Names and I, become more and more about surgery. Medicinally speaking, we are just about at maximum full speed ahead. Time.
Earlier this afternoon, I contacted the diagnostic center to coordinate appointment dates and times for the various MRI's that have been ordered by my Professor. Next Wednesday, 20 November, I will have the following procedures conducted; MRI Cervical Spine, with out contrast. MRI Thoracic Spine with and with out contrast, this one order, according to Procedure Requisition is 'evaluation for further lesions related to lumbar area. Procedure three is MRI of the Brain With Contrast. This to evaluate for further lesions related to lumbar area. And for shits sake, I just read and noticed for the first time that the fourth MRI Cervical Spine With and With out Contrast, is another "evaluation for further lesions related to lumbar area". Shit.
Seen.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
I Share This From My Spirit's
I was plagued by ear spams in both ears today, mostly the left but there were several spasms in my right ear hole to the brain. Having mentioned the right ear I would like to say that hearing with this ear has become so distracting that there are times that I prefer silence of a quiet home because I am being kept active enough listening to the sounds and noises that are generated from within this precious skull of mine. There is no combating or medicating nothing I can do about these sounds, many of which originates in my left deaf ear. When having conversation with another it is absolutely necessary to have my face to the speakers face. I have reminded Kin Folk and them in my circle time and time again that I am deaf and hard of hearing. Yes, I said Kin Folk. Still. It's like, well, what the hell, I've only been single side deaf since 2009., and have the unfortunate business of losing hearing in the right at an alarming rate of time. As is my sight. I have been wearing glasses for many years and have really never noticed such a drastic loss in such a brief period of time. I have this gut feeling that Meniere's plays a roll in this though I do not know by fact. When mentioning this to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, he ordered me to see an eye doctor, well, good God doc., I had figured as much, but does this have something to do with this case of Meniere's Disease? Perhaps a bit of reading on my part may have a calming affect in the brains. Well, shit yes I tend to stress a bit, just might be stress that will get me my one way ticket home to be with Jesus, my Saint Mary, Mom, Dad, Abuela Mary, Grandpa Roy and get to meet my Cherokee grandmother Flossi. What an honor this will be. But anyways, didn't mean to have that passing over thing slip into the conversation, but America, there's no stress or concern here on dieing. Today has been an extraordinarily good day to die, but, I didn't. Here I am and I am okay with this too. I love my life, I love my wife, my daughters and our hounds. I love this Mixed Blood that I have flow threw these veins of mine. These arteries and vessels by which my blood gets from here to back here. I look forward to the remainder of my days here on Earth Mother. These changes taking place within my life and circle are changes that are not totally unfamiliar, it is Botswana's and my job to get back on the right foot and do the things we must to protect our home and future here at our lodge and sanctuary. Home. I don't like it when I have a White person talk to me about my house or my financial affairs. Oh yes, one more thing that I do not accept or tolerate is folks "telling" me what to do. That is an instant turn off and could jeopardize what ever relationship we may have. I bet I don't go around and about on my path telling folks what to do in their lives. Please, to hell with that waste! Let me stop. That's just not a good scene. Today, I rested from what I acknowledge were post attack symptoms of Meniere's though I slept little, which for me is victory. I tried to read, but the noises and peculiar issues with sight caused uncomfortable sensations in my head and stomach. I did make contact on social media with folks I enjoy communicating with, I swear it gets so lonely here when it is me and the hounds. We make it through the day - the pack in the preserve. The silence I spoke of earlier is a double edged sword, I tell you this from my heart, maybe I am ready to have less of all of this noise and racket of this environment I live in. I love music and am enjoying some Verve Remix as I chat, there's just to many voices and energy I am tired of listening to. My right ear works when and as it wishes. (Bil, I await your return call) I continue to have mornings when I must wait for my right ear to become a hearing ear, as if the functionality of the ear was affected by sleep. There are majority of times when the hearing is shit poor and I just go along as I have learned to do - other times I am able to pick out an instrument in a song that I never noticed before. Yes, odd, but what the hell am I to do. Live with it is what I say, just like the damned ear spasms and facial spasms. The sounds and noises and noises and sounds wreck havoc in my life every moment of everyday of my awake life. Pains in my neck, shoulders, and arms are near a 9. Maybe an 8.5, time. Yes, I have taken my PM medications. There have even been events when I have been stirred by the sounds and noises in the night. My ears. Today, the dizziness and awkwardness has made for unsteady steps and walking about. Thank God, I wear shoes in house because I would have broken every toe by now. No joke. I had a dreadful stumble and near fall, earlier this evening, embarrassingly right in front of my dearest Brazil. My Earth Mate! I love your voice darling! I will be visiting with my therapist Sir Dude, come the afternoon tomorrow. It is a good thing. Also tomorrow, I shall schedule MRI's with a diagnostic center that won't lie or deceit me. It is necessary that I release from my services two company's. One, this diagnostic center here in town that I have been a consumer of for many years for misleading me. One other that I am not prepared to speak of at this moment. Negative energy is bad medicine, lieing to patients is bad medicine, so it is time to move on. All of this, I share from my Spirit's.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
And Then November Happened
Moving along this path of mine with a steady attitude and fair rate of speed. I am unable to get out and about as near as I would like to, or no way near as much as I would intend to, but it's my purpose to keep my chip up and move along with business in hand. I follow orders given by my doctor's, professor, and therapist with as much motivation as I might muster. I keep my Kin Folk and Kindred, in mind and heart. Them "well intendeds" who wish my well, I keep them in mind the best as I can too.
Sometimes I remember to keep me in mind. No, honestly I do.
The past forty-eight hours have had me sleep more than being awake and productive. Beginning Sunday, and then again yesterday I had to Meneire's Disease attacks, the time of duration of both attacks were between 30 and forty five minutes. The symptoms of nausea, which has been productive and omni present. The perpetual state of dizziness, sweating, perspiring, and misting, has made for uncomfortable times. Even in my sleep. And speaking of which, the sleeping has lasted up until late afternoon today at approximately 1700, when I was able to stir and remove myself from my safe place. Walking has been not so good with several stumbles, bumps in to, bashing my head on the wall in the bath room twice. From an out of body point of view, I think my balance has become problematic. Something I am doing to in my sense, attack this issue is to work harder to become a healthier target when my body hits the Earth. It has happened, it happens, and it will happen again, so I have taught myself my own form of Yoga and Tai Chi for an imbalanced fellow. In this case, the wall is an Allie. I have also re-introduced light weights to a regimen that covers my hands, fore arms, upper arms and shoulders. I have found this very beneficial with the combat verses the fucked up pains in the same areas. I really don't know though if what I am doing is a good thing. I believe I have been owned by the pain. Too damned much pain for too damned long. It may seem like I attempt to combat pain with pain, I do not. This is a therapy that I know in my muscles and bones that must be lived as a way of life. The time spent between March and the present, represents many long weeks and months of total inactivity. Depression. Neurological Pain. Cervical Spine Pain. Meniere's Disease. The exacerbation's of Asthma.
Now, November has gone and happened. I'm feeling myself waking up in a Holistic sense. I actually feel myself making a turn in my psyche's. My attitude and commitment to self and family. Negative is as negative does. Seen. I have had too much more than I wish to have ever endured and am prepared to say and or do whatever it is I have to. There is not any other's out here standing up for me. Shit. I see it too damned often. It is amazing that I have only just recently understood in my heart and spirit's that it is not necessary for me to have negative influences, people's, and or energies in or near my life. Yes, and oh yes, I have dealt with these issues in the past, and have established boundaries before. Let us just agree to say that I have come to my damned senses. I have taken measured steps and have secured myself to make and enforce the past made boundaries are here to protect my path and the direction I am directed. Sadly. it has been necessary for me to create such boundaries. It is my responsibility to ensure there are sure, secured, and thick boundary's between these energy's. Really, this is what all this comes down to. No right or no wrong. Quite simply, there are just too many negative influences in and around my Circle of Circle's. For my Freedom. For my peace of mind. It is right to close a few chapters in the path called life recently. Reckon issues are to be resolved and then time to move along.
Sometimes I remember to keep me in mind. No, honestly I do.
The past forty-eight hours have had me sleep more than being awake and productive. Beginning Sunday, and then again yesterday I had to Meneire's Disease attacks, the time of duration of both attacks were between 30 and forty five minutes. The symptoms of nausea, which has been productive and omni present. The perpetual state of dizziness, sweating, perspiring, and misting, has made for uncomfortable times. Even in my sleep. And speaking of which, the sleeping has lasted up until late afternoon today at approximately 1700, when I was able to stir and remove myself from my safe place. Walking has been not so good with several stumbles, bumps in to, bashing my head on the wall in the bath room twice. From an out of body point of view, I think my balance has become problematic. Something I am doing to in my sense, attack this issue is to work harder to become a healthier target when my body hits the Earth. It has happened, it happens, and it will happen again, so I have taught myself my own form of Yoga and Tai Chi for an imbalanced fellow. In this case, the wall is an Allie. I have also re-introduced light weights to a regimen that covers my hands, fore arms, upper arms and shoulders. I have found this very beneficial with the combat verses the fucked up pains in the same areas. I really don't know though if what I am doing is a good thing. I believe I have been owned by the pain. Too damned much pain for too damned long. It may seem like I attempt to combat pain with pain, I do not. This is a therapy that I know in my muscles and bones that must be lived as a way of life. The time spent between March and the present, represents many long weeks and months of total inactivity. Depression. Neurological Pain. Cervical Spine Pain. Meniere's Disease. The exacerbation's of Asthma.
Now, November has gone and happened. I'm feeling myself waking up in a Holistic sense. I actually feel myself making a turn in my psyche's. My attitude and commitment to self and family. Negative is as negative does. Seen. I have had too much more than I wish to have ever endured and am prepared to say and or do whatever it is I have to. There is not any other's out here standing up for me. Shit. I see it too damned often. It is amazing that I have only just recently understood in my heart and spirit's that it is not necessary for me to have negative influences, people's, and or energies in or near my life. Yes, and oh yes, I have dealt with these issues in the past, and have established boundaries before. Let us just agree to say that I have come to my damned senses. I have taken measured steps and have secured myself to make and enforce the past made boundaries are here to protect my path and the direction I am directed. Sadly. it has been necessary for me to create such boundaries. It is my responsibility to ensure there are sure, secured, and thick boundary's between these energy's. Really, this is what all this comes down to. No right or no wrong. Quite simply, there are just too many negative influences in and around my Circle of Circle's. For my Freedom. For my peace of mind. It is right to close a few chapters in the path called life recently. Reckon issues are to be resolved and then time to move along.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Changes
Kindred Spirits,
Before I should jump into today's subject matter and concerns, I pray for my Brothers and Sisters in the Philippine's, and all fellow Earth Folk throughout the Pacific. I have had ceremony, have contemplated and have prayed for each and all who are being affected in any way by this catastrophic super cyclone. I listen to what the press and news reports say, I'm afraid these numbers reported of Human loss is being under presented, the latest reports approximately one thousand dead. This is not what needs to be represented, the numbers of them who have perished are horrifying. I prey, Great Spirit, bless the children and the elders, those who have died and all who have survived. My God, this is not only a Philippine or South Pacific catastrophic event, it's a catastrophic world event.
Great One, please bless Kin Folk who live abroad and have no means to contact or connect with their family and friends back home. My imagination has had a freeze frame and does not permit me to contemplate much deeper the events that have taken place, how this has changed the life of millions of people. It is necessary for me to let loose of the holding on to this in my center. As a human there isn't much I am able to do, but pray. What I find myself in the position of doing is finding certainty in that these tragic changes and events are being taken care of and managed by God. I continue to pray for my brothers and sisters in Syria. Her peoples do not deserve the injustice of our World permitting Genocides in Syria. It is sickening to my Spirit's and I, and as a 'modern day people's', it sickens me to a point of nausea and depression to see we ALL sit by to permit yet another Genocide of a Peoples. Please God, Bless Syria!
It is time and way past due to do something about this modern day Genocide. Do we not remember the Genocide's of the Jew's? The Polish and Russian People's? Serbian and Croatian Genocide. Rwanda's, and the very modern day Genocide of my fellow Americans, Black and Brown, and Native American People's.
Let me share some changes taking place here in this country. There has been changes that has been a slow and tedious process. The way and means to combat this situation, 'white rule', which has been something that has haunted our American soil from the introduction of White peoples. What is taking place in the U.S.A., today, is that we, our country's, "All People's of Colour", are silently putting ourselves in the position to take over this bull shit white government and nation. Let me share something else real quick - soon, and I mean, perhaps as soon as mid century, the "people for the people's" of our country, will be in place to over come the power and authority of a White owned and operated government and country. Changes? Changes.
God Bless America! God Bless the Philippians's! God Bless Syria!
Before I should jump into today's subject matter and concerns, I pray for my Brothers and Sisters in the Philippine's, and all fellow Earth Folk throughout the Pacific. I have had ceremony, have contemplated and have prayed for each and all who are being affected in any way by this catastrophic super cyclone. I listen to what the press and news reports say, I'm afraid these numbers reported of Human loss is being under presented, the latest reports approximately one thousand dead. This is not what needs to be represented, the numbers of them who have perished are horrifying. I prey, Great Spirit, bless the children and the elders, those who have died and all who have survived. My God, this is not only a Philippine or South Pacific catastrophic event, it's a catastrophic world event.
Great One, please bless Kin Folk who live abroad and have no means to contact or connect with their family and friends back home. My imagination has had a freeze frame and does not permit me to contemplate much deeper the events that have taken place, how this has changed the life of millions of people. It is necessary for me to let loose of the holding on to this in my center. As a human there isn't much I am able to do, but pray. What I find myself in the position of doing is finding certainty in that these tragic changes and events are being taken care of and managed by God. I continue to pray for my brothers and sisters in Syria. Her peoples do not deserve the injustice of our World permitting Genocides in Syria. It is sickening to my Spirit's and I, and as a 'modern day people's', it sickens me to a point of nausea and depression to see we ALL sit by to permit yet another Genocide of a Peoples. Please God, Bless Syria!
It is time and way past due to do something about this modern day Genocide. Do we not remember the Genocide's of the Jew's? The Polish and Russian People's? Serbian and Croatian Genocide. Rwanda's, and the very modern day Genocide of my fellow Americans, Black and Brown, and Native American People's.
Let me share some changes taking place here in this country. There has been changes that has been a slow and tedious process. The way and means to combat this situation, 'white rule', which has been something that has haunted our American soil from the introduction of White peoples. What is taking place in the U.S.A., today, is that we, our country's, "All People's of Colour", are silently putting ourselves in the position to take over this bull shit white government and nation. Let me share something else real quick - soon, and I mean, perhaps as soon as mid century, the "people for the people's" of our country, will be in place to over come the power and authority of a White owned and operated government and country. Changes? Changes.
God Bless America! God Bless the Philippians's! God Bless Syria!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Deep And Embarrassing Times For Me, Part Three
My dearest Kindred,
With this posting, I bring Chapter Three and a prayerful close to what has been some very deeply embarrassing times for me in life. As I mentioned to my therapist recently, I have begun to look at life around me in a wider than wide screen reality of what my life has been since March 2013. Today, 8 October, there remains ill side affects that I will focus on or not until I am clear about these damned deep and embarrassing times I've been in.
So now, today, I stop this naked spiral, cease travels down paths that were quite often uncomfortable and at times intimidating. There were true and legitimate forces that steered me from my Path and the attentions that are required for life during this present and near future. I am to resume the Path Great Spirit has intended for me to travel. What has been going on over these past few months has required a perseverance, best summed up by my deepest desires and yearning to maintain focus on my path, even when at my lowest points with respect to my mental, emotional and physical issues, I walked. My health has been issues revolving around issues, and all has brought many complications in my day to day life. This blog was created based on the concept and determination to inform other's of what Meniere's Disease has done to me, what these symptoms are doing and have done to my life. My spouses life, my daughters and all Kin Folk and Kindred's lives. Them who have become team mates, working and tasking along side me verses the multiple diseases that trouble this body of mine, including yet another whole team for me with the Neurological issues and implications.
All of my Team's of Dozens of good, kind and right Folks. Each one of them have gone to bat for me, time and time again, I am blessed. I know this. I'd be a damned fool if I didn't know the difference, and speaking of which I have taken steps and measures to remove myself from them with not-same-business-plan as I. Their agenda is not a part of what I have been doing for so many years, and quite simply, that's to keep focus, work my program, and do what doctors say do. My life and my health are in God's hands first, as he guides the doctors and I through what we're facing over the next couple of months or so.
Folks, let me share I am able to remember precisely to the date and time when forward motion of my hearts plans and dreams were dashed. I remember the weather outside of offices that day, I remember where Mr. Bus Driver left me off at the incorrect entrance. That day when I was disrupted and became a man interrupted. Not only was it that my health's present and future's status is unsatisfactory, I have the harsh perception that I had been betrayed. I feel betrayed by an entrusted fellow human spirit. One I felt a special bond and Kindred with. Through the first quarter of our year 2013, I worked with diligence when communicating and talking openly. My life was, as it was early in life. The horror forced upon me in my early days in life were so unkind to me and the child I was. With the process I was working with others I opened up an entire fucking life time with folks. The nightmares, panic attacks and high anxiety. Disgusting smell memories returned compounding due in part to what I was or was not attending to during open and raw discussions. Body memories that go against the grain for where I am striving to be. This is the path for the life I am to live day to day. A life where I am ruled by health issues. Doctors appointments, implants, surgeries and operations. Botox injections, medications, hearing aids, vomiting, falling.
Betrayal is betrayal. No matter how one words it. Seen.
Since March 2013, I have permitted myself to walk in the shoes of a victim. I have walked these past months in deep shame and embarrassment's. I am and I am a solitary simple man, who time and time after time permits some one, or somebody, or some folks, to gain my entire trust. With the way things were said or spoken, I honestly feel my trust was betrayed. Another experience of violation, and in my mind, I provided this betrayal of trust to thrust me into a deep dark ravine. My life's motivation's were dealt a harsh blow and major set backs were precipitated back that day. I was placed in a position to mourn and mourning I did and have. On that day, thing's were said and thought of, that changed my mind and my heart's direction. What I experienced that afternoon was an unreal experience and I am still emotionally affected by the realizations of my gross position with Meniere's Disease, the vertigo attacks and all that comes with this twenty four hours-a-day life affecting health issue. The neurological scenario is more than I wish to speak of at the moment.
I could be the last Unicorn, poop gold bricks and Folks still would not hire me. I am a financial drain on any company as a new hire. The reading is on every wall I come across and I have been able to shake a bit of it off here and there, but please, these pictures on slide show in my mind is what I can't explain. I don't read my material's or utterances written in my journals. I don't make habit of going back to read a previous communique here on the blog. The truth, is the truth. I have never thought of debating what was written - neither is there anything I would say or do differently. I felt safe and sure that afternoon, so comfortable, and in trust with right, good folks sitting with me. Folks, doing their job's. My words, as the disease's in my body betrays me. Daily. Even with the kind, loving and helpful words of my Advocate, my therapist, and my dear Counselor, I am down hearted by the reality that my eyes were opened, and I saw my life pass before me.
The disgusting processes of Meniere's Disease often place me in positions to speak and talk with professional after professionals, and doctor upon doctor. The entirety and extraordinary position I find myself in - is all so damned stressful and frustrating, that I do not know how many times I have read and prayed just to settle down a minute. I have talked about my lives, my life beginning as early as I can remember. As I speak here, I speak with an open heart. Please, my Team, understand what it is I am doing. I am finally grabbing that tiger by the tail and placing 'all hands on deck' with respects to where I am in life and health. With more ill health in hand and in store there is a need for that much more attention on self and body. Please, understand. It has been with local government, businesses, and organizations, that have provided me with great hopes and huge anticipations of some day having a brighter future. Sooner than later, I pray. My Good God! It is with these Folks, I have felt very comfortable with, and they felt comfortable with me. These individuals were folks, I believe were establishing relationships with me while doing their jobs. There were a few wonderful gatherings, chats face to face, and conversations over the telephone.
To all of my therapists and counselor's, I say thank you, to all of my psychologists and psychiatrists, I thank you all for your hard work and dedication. It is with your hard work and our Kindred Spirit's in mind, that it is now I must close this chapter in my life and move along.
Please, no ill feelings towards me. Having said all I have shared in these three chapters lets me say whole hearted thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all too.
I have stopped mourning and am absolutely okay with saying that words spoken from my own mouth dictates where I take this self betrayal. I've got to keep on keeping on, so I toughen my skin a bit, pick up my marbles and take the way my path takes me. Someplace better than here. Seen.
With this posting, I bring Chapter Three and a prayerful close to what has been some very deeply embarrassing times for me in life. As I mentioned to my therapist recently, I have begun to look at life around me in a wider than wide screen reality of what my life has been since March 2013. Today, 8 October, there remains ill side affects that I will focus on or not until I am clear about these damned deep and embarrassing times I've been in.
So now, today, I stop this naked spiral, cease travels down paths that were quite often uncomfortable and at times intimidating. There were true and legitimate forces that steered me from my Path and the attentions that are required for life during this present and near future. I am to resume the Path Great Spirit has intended for me to travel. What has been going on over these past few months has required a perseverance, best summed up by my deepest desires and yearning to maintain focus on my path, even when at my lowest points with respect to my mental, emotional and physical issues, I walked. My health has been issues revolving around issues, and all has brought many complications in my day to day life. This blog was created based on the concept and determination to inform other's of what Meniere's Disease has done to me, what these symptoms are doing and have done to my life. My spouses life, my daughters and all Kin Folk and Kindred's lives. Them who have become team mates, working and tasking along side me verses the multiple diseases that trouble this body of mine, including yet another whole team for me with the Neurological issues and implications.
All of my Team's of Dozens of good, kind and right Folks. Each one of them have gone to bat for me, time and time again, I am blessed. I know this. I'd be a damned fool if I didn't know the difference, and speaking of which I have taken steps and measures to remove myself from them with not-same-business-plan as I. Their agenda is not a part of what I have been doing for so many years, and quite simply, that's to keep focus, work my program, and do what doctors say do. My life and my health are in God's hands first, as he guides the doctors and I through what we're facing over the next couple of months or so.
Folks, let me share I am able to remember precisely to the date and time when forward motion of my hearts plans and dreams were dashed. I remember the weather outside of offices that day, I remember where Mr. Bus Driver left me off at the incorrect entrance. That day when I was disrupted and became a man interrupted. Not only was it that my health's present and future's status is unsatisfactory, I have the harsh perception that I had been betrayed. I feel betrayed by an entrusted fellow human spirit. One I felt a special bond and Kindred with. Through the first quarter of our year 2013, I worked with diligence when communicating and talking openly. My life was, as it was early in life. The horror forced upon me in my early days in life were so unkind to me and the child I was. With the process I was working with others I opened up an entire fucking life time with folks. The nightmares, panic attacks and high anxiety. Disgusting smell memories returned compounding due in part to what I was or was not attending to during open and raw discussions. Body memories that go against the grain for where I am striving to be. This is the path for the life I am to live day to day. A life where I am ruled by health issues. Doctors appointments, implants, surgeries and operations. Botox injections, medications, hearing aids, vomiting, falling.
Betrayal is betrayal. No matter how one words it. Seen.
Since March 2013, I have permitted myself to walk in the shoes of a victim. I have walked these past months in deep shame and embarrassment's. I am and I am a solitary simple man, who time and time after time permits some one, or somebody, or some folks, to gain my entire trust. With the way things were said or spoken, I honestly feel my trust was betrayed. Another experience of violation, and in my mind, I provided this betrayal of trust to thrust me into a deep dark ravine. My life's motivation's were dealt a harsh blow and major set backs were precipitated back that day. I was placed in a position to mourn and mourning I did and have. On that day, thing's were said and thought of, that changed my mind and my heart's direction. What I experienced that afternoon was an unreal experience and I am still emotionally affected by the realizations of my gross position with Meniere's Disease, the vertigo attacks and all that comes with this twenty four hours-a-day life affecting health issue. The neurological scenario is more than I wish to speak of at the moment.
I could be the last Unicorn, poop gold bricks and Folks still would not hire me. I am a financial drain on any company as a new hire. The reading is on every wall I come across and I have been able to shake a bit of it off here and there, but please, these pictures on slide show in my mind is what I can't explain. I don't read my material's or utterances written in my journals. I don't make habit of going back to read a previous communique here on the blog. The truth, is the truth. I have never thought of debating what was written - neither is there anything I would say or do differently. I felt safe and sure that afternoon, so comfortable, and in trust with right, good folks sitting with me. Folks, doing their job's. My words, as the disease's in my body betrays me. Daily. Even with the kind, loving and helpful words of my Advocate, my therapist, and my dear Counselor, I am down hearted by the reality that my eyes were opened, and I saw my life pass before me.
The disgusting processes of Meniere's Disease often place me in positions to speak and talk with professional after professionals, and doctor upon doctor. The entirety and extraordinary position I find myself in - is all so damned stressful and frustrating, that I do not know how many times I have read and prayed just to settle down a minute. I have talked about my lives, my life beginning as early as I can remember. As I speak here, I speak with an open heart. Please, my Team, understand what it is I am doing. I am finally grabbing that tiger by the tail and placing 'all hands on deck' with respects to where I am in life and health. With more ill health in hand and in store there is a need for that much more attention on self and body. Please, understand. It has been with local government, businesses, and organizations, that have provided me with great hopes and huge anticipations of some day having a brighter future. Sooner than later, I pray. My Good God! It is with these Folks, I have felt very comfortable with, and they felt comfortable with me. These individuals were folks, I believe were establishing relationships with me while doing their jobs. There were a few wonderful gatherings, chats face to face, and conversations over the telephone.
To all of my therapists and counselor's, I say thank you, to all of my psychologists and psychiatrists, I thank you all for your hard work and dedication. It is with your hard work and our Kindred Spirit's in mind, that it is now I must close this chapter in my life and move along.
Please, no ill feelings towards me. Having said all I have shared in these three chapters lets me say whole hearted thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all too.
I have stopped mourning and am absolutely okay with saying that words spoken from my own mouth dictates where I take this self betrayal. I've got to keep on keeping on, so I toughen my skin a bit, pick up my marbles and take the way my path takes me. Someplace better than here. Seen.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Time For Change, Time To Cut The Shit And Move Along
The time has come for me to acknowledge that for well over half of one year, I have permitted boundaries to be trespassed, I have openly permitted negative grown folks let be with their sad state of immaturity in spite of being grown adults, who are of a small few in my circle. Let influences, words, betrayal's affect me and mine. I have let this from others influence my energy. Sadly, my Path too. I have let their word's and their idea's, their point's of view and their boastful banter of their supposed awesomely blessed energy's, knowledge and skill's, and how it is, talk, talk to impress folks when no one is truly really trying not to listen anymore.
Thing's change, I've changed, some Folk's have changed, and now, it's time that we affect a change of many things. I say we because if we don't, I will. It's all so silly simple. Seen?
Reader's, so too many of these silly minded ones play their games. I mean to share that I speak of Kin Folk, a couple of Health care professionals. Kin Folk, I say, as if another round of remove from the traitors and two faced ones. Them who try to toy with emotions and people's way's. As if interference by ego radar waves is your greatest assets. To them, who have been in my circle, now, it is I who feels a sadness because of your sad pitiful ways. That's not how shits supposed to happen, Honey. En'it? You and yours who depend on egomania and your manic stages of lies and cheating folks of time and energy with full fledged bull shit. My time and energy is from now on to be focused on the business of me and a better state of health. My Bride's health, and God, there's so much going on. It has been since March 2013 I let loose of maybe too much. How is somebody going to tell a grown man not to speak in such a way. Wow, I say and well, it's time to bring change and it is time to focus inwards. Study my innards and work with the doctors, professors and Folk. More Botox coming up and a surgery is pending. Fuck. I've had enough.
Fuck. By the way, don't apologize. There isn't none necessary, I say certainly. Please chock this up as a 'Life Lesson'. One we both have learned from. And I have been reminded about my boundaries and have learned not to listen to them who pass along such ill bitterness. I pray. My dear friends and family, please grasp hold of this, take your life by your glands and do something with YOU LIFE. Don't make believe and play this roll of caring so damned much. Bitch please. You spend too much time having your mind on others and their shit, while not minding your own damned business. I admit, you are all skilled and what you do is skillful, but friend, you shade your purposes with agenda's while perpetuating child's play. With grown ass people who depend on you for compassion, understanding, and an occasional hug or visit. It is time now to move along, you and your negative energy's, your habit of leaching like a leach to my mixed blood. No mas. No more. That's it. Yeah, it's best to go ahead and move along. For shits sake, number fifty four just eased on by a minute ago and to tell the truth, my biological watch says it's time for change. Time to take back my energy and focus, cut the shit and move along.
To my family and friends, I'm taking a hold of my glands and I'm going to rock my life. It's time. Oh yes, I ask my dear drama makers, boasters, and them with two faces and two mouths. "lower your voice, lesson your ego and more will listen". I assure you of this.
Thing's change, I've changed, some Folk's have changed, and now, it's time that we affect a change of many things. I say we because if we don't, I will. It's all so silly simple. Seen?
Reader's, so too many of these silly minded ones play their games. I mean to share that I speak of Kin Folk, a couple of Health care professionals. Kin Folk, I say, as if another round of remove from the traitors and two faced ones. Them who try to toy with emotions and people's way's. As if interference by ego radar waves is your greatest assets. To them, who have been in my circle, now, it is I who feels a sadness because of your sad pitiful ways. That's not how shits supposed to happen, Honey. En'it? You and yours who depend on egomania and your manic stages of lies and cheating folks of time and energy with full fledged bull shit. My time and energy is from now on to be focused on the business of me and a better state of health. My Bride's health, and God, there's so much going on. It has been since March 2013 I let loose of maybe too much. How is somebody going to tell a grown man not to speak in such a way. Wow, I say and well, it's time to bring change and it is time to focus inwards. Study my innards and work with the doctors, professors and Folk. More Botox coming up and a surgery is pending. Fuck. I've had enough.
Fuck. By the way, don't apologize. There isn't none necessary, I say certainly. Please chock this up as a 'Life Lesson'. One we both have learned from. And I have been reminded about my boundaries and have learned not to listen to them who pass along such ill bitterness. I pray. My dear friends and family, please grasp hold of this, take your life by your glands and do something with YOU LIFE. Don't make believe and play this roll of caring so damned much. Bitch please. You spend too much time having your mind on others and their shit, while not minding your own damned business. I admit, you are all skilled and what you do is skillful, but friend, you shade your purposes with agenda's while perpetuating child's play. With grown ass people who depend on you for compassion, understanding, and an occasional hug or visit. It is time now to move along, you and your negative energy's, your habit of leaching like a leach to my mixed blood. No mas. No more. That's it. Yeah, it's best to go ahead and move along. For shits sake, number fifty four just eased on by a minute ago and to tell the truth, my biological watch says it's time for change. Time to take back my energy and focus, cut the shit and move along.
To my family and friends, I'm taking a hold of my glands and I'm going to rock my life. It's time. Oh yes, I ask my dear drama makers, boasters, and them with two faces and two mouths. "lower your voice, lesson your ego and more will listen". I assure you of this.
The Sounds Of Meniere's Disease, A Safe Level Of Madness
The upper layers of my skin and lobes of my brains tell me Fall has reached this region of our South Eastern United States of America. The weather man with bloated self-sense, talks loudly and speaks as if he knows all. Radar and multiple computers checked prior to laughing and speaking to me like he knew me. Please, this is small town Tampa, Florida, we do not require entertainment from news broadcasters. Just share the news, do your jobs and hush a bit.
I just heard and listened to what I thought was a bird outback sounding very much like a Lazar weapon of some sort...
...or was there battle going on between to visiting aliens? I didn't know. So, at first, I remained in here at my desk and thought I felt safe and okay, which lead to me having to check out there because the sounds of Lazar beams were getting more and more hectic. Louder too..
...so I left my den, enquiring into the sounds, affects, and going-on's in the sanctuary, only to find my bird cousin's carrying on and cussing because I failed to place seed in the feeder. Well then, the Lazar's were no where to be heard. I would've bet a damned dollar I tell you, but no, no Lazar's or "birds" making the sound of Lazar's. No Alien battles in my back yard. Oh my.
God, Save The Queen.
Fall comes now, I see some species of bird disoriented and frustrated in their preparation's for their yearly holidays away. There are some who live here in the preserve and sanctuary all year long. They are Cardinal, Blue Jay, Dove's of variety, Mocking Bird, Sparrow, and Black Bird of a variety too. Not all eat seed, but all come for fresh water to drink and bathe.
At this moment I am nauseous, dizzy, sweating, and listening to sounds of another note from this Meniere's library of Sounds. Can one understand when I silently scream, damn it to hell! All of these sounds and noises! Damned to hell the sounds I even listen too. Yes, seriously.
The Sounds of Meniere's Disease, have driven me to a safe level of Madness. I know this, you see? This is me, remember? It's me sitting here in my skin, and my red bandanna. Just me sitting here on my rocking chair, rocking back and forth on the cool porch of my cabin in my mind.
I just heard and listened to what I thought was a bird outback sounding very much like a Lazar weapon of some sort...
...or was there battle going on between to visiting aliens? I didn't know. So, at first, I remained in here at my desk and thought I felt safe and okay, which lead to me having to check out there because the sounds of Lazar beams were getting more and more hectic. Louder too..
...so I left my den, enquiring into the sounds, affects, and going-on's in the sanctuary, only to find my bird cousin's carrying on and cussing because I failed to place seed in the feeder. Well then, the Lazar's were no where to be heard. I would've bet a damned dollar I tell you, but no, no Lazar's or "birds" making the sound of Lazar's. No Alien battles in my back yard. Oh my.
God, Save The Queen.
Fall comes now, I see some species of bird disoriented and frustrated in their preparation's for their yearly holidays away. There are some who live here in the preserve and sanctuary all year long. They are Cardinal, Blue Jay, Dove's of variety, Mocking Bird, Sparrow, and Black Bird of a variety too. Not all eat seed, but all come for fresh water to drink and bathe.
At this moment I am nauseous, dizzy, sweating, and listening to sounds of another note from this Meniere's library of Sounds. Can one understand when I silently scream, damn it to hell! All of these sounds and noises! Damned to hell the sounds I even listen too. Yes, seriously.
The Sounds of Meniere's Disease, have driven me to a safe level of Madness. I know this, you see? This is me, remember? It's me sitting here in my skin, and my red bandanna. Just me sitting here on my rocking chair, rocking back and forth on the cool porch of my cabin in my mind.
Monday, November 4, 2013
A Communique: Meniere's, Neurologically Speaking And I, A Medicinal Update
Dearest Kindred,
I'm back and send out this communique, being sent out today, 05 November 2013, at 1247. The symptoms of Meniere's Disease continue to beat me into embarrassing, awkward, and the most peculiar of circumstances. The symptoms of the Neurological issues persist with such vengeance and painful agony, I don't know how I've managed to keep myself from punishment. I am pleased at how I've managed myself, as if I have a true and sustainable business to take care of, or not. Inside of this mixed blooded skin, and skeletal structure. The asthma that rules my lungs, springs surprise attacks on me and I find I can't take in a deep breathe or that the tightness in my chest has grown so totally possessing of me, my breath, and life as I know it, that there's not a farting thing I can do about it. With these three bullshit diseases I have here, while not mentioning other diseases, My God knows, these put the push that places me into battle after battle, daily. Daily, I said! Let me share there is one and yet another extraordinarily unpleasant medication ordered to my personal menu of pills, tablets, capsules, and inhalations of what is flowing threw my veins, organs and brains. A medicinal update is true, I'm just not comfortable sharing what it is aloud yet. With this medication, I do take it many times daily. For weeks now. This medication is the mind bending medication that has required much adjusting to. Adding to the hours of sleep. This new way of life. God please, don't stop the medicine. You see, this is a special medication. One that requires exceptional steps to be made. And it takes time to become one with me, so with this recent appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, early last week, it is now that each and every doctor, professor, medical practice, and Self-Reliance, Inc. Advocate, "All The We", in my team, are all current and up to date with my daily medication intake. This was a necessity. This was for me to ensure took place because I have been eating so many medications for so many years now, and there were medicines being ordered by professor that was being declined. Them expensive white man medicine type of medication. I have been very curious about the denials of two medicine ordered by my professor. One. while on the new medicinal regimen, which had begun! Yes, true. So I stopped taking the rest. I mean? I have had two Meniere's attacks since I was on blog last. The noises in both ears have been complete unforgiving hell, an unrelenting torture of sounds and noises that come from within my skull. Where the metal plate in my skull lives and the abutment that extends from the implant on my thick ass skull. I have had active vomiting with my nausea. I have sweated pounds and inches off of my frame by the Meniere's Sweating Work Out! What the hell? I have reintroduced light lifting to firm up a bit and am planning on following a new planking regimen. My arms look nice, my waist is sweet and I want it sweeter. I watch what I eat - for the most part indeed. An occasional ethnic break in diet shatters any calorie count and triples my curls while sitting on the sofa. Which is a good thing, en'it? Because, I know this, the sleep had my scrotum to my 501's! I have continued to sleep with such an ill sleeping pattern that this just may be my ticket one day. What? I just thought of a lieutenant I knew in the Army. Sir.? Richard? Today was a beautiful day to die! Why fear? When Great One is ready, My God, knows right where I am. And, by the way, I know where my relationship with God, lives. There are simply too many hypocrites in my Circles, they seem to come and go. Now's another time to take care of myself and better manage my business, by managing what business represents in me. Me. Them who speak with evil tongue when speaking of God, brings on to themselves ill and unfortunate circumstances onto themselves. It's like putting illness upon your Kin Folk. Bad medicine works really much like Karma. I have had two falls since visiting doctor last week. The ear spasms continue at ?-numbers-per-day. Today, my face has spasmed twice. There was one episode last week while in my wife's car on our way cross town that I was moments from any hospitals emergency department. Today, there were two episodes. Both involving my neck and cervical spine that produced such pain I saw bright lights twinkle about my face and skull. My hearing hasn't been worth a damn for too many days to remember. There has been the sound of an old fashioned telephone ringing through. For now I have nothing else to say. I send out this communique to all Kindred. To all Kindred, much love and peace and more peace please. I'm back. Seen? Seem.
I'm back and send out this communique, being sent out today, 05 November 2013, at 1247. The symptoms of Meniere's Disease continue to beat me into embarrassing, awkward, and the most peculiar of circumstances. The symptoms of the Neurological issues persist with such vengeance and painful agony, I don't know how I've managed to keep myself from punishment. I am pleased at how I've managed myself, as if I have a true and sustainable business to take care of, or not. Inside of this mixed blooded skin, and skeletal structure. The asthma that rules my lungs, springs surprise attacks on me and I find I can't take in a deep breathe or that the tightness in my chest has grown so totally possessing of me, my breath, and life as I know it, that there's not a farting thing I can do about it. With these three bullshit diseases I have here, while not mentioning other diseases, My God knows, these put the push that places me into battle after battle, daily. Daily, I said! Let me share there is one and yet another extraordinarily unpleasant medication ordered to my personal menu of pills, tablets, capsules, and inhalations of what is flowing threw my veins, organs and brains. A medicinal update is true, I'm just not comfortable sharing what it is aloud yet. With this medication, I do take it many times daily. For weeks now. This medication is the mind bending medication that has required much adjusting to. Adding to the hours of sleep. This new way of life. God please, don't stop the medicine. You see, this is a special medication. One that requires exceptional steps to be made. And it takes time to become one with me, so with this recent appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, early last week, it is now that each and every doctor, professor, medical practice, and Self-Reliance, Inc. Advocate, "All The We", in my team, are all current and up to date with my daily medication intake. This was a necessity. This was for me to ensure took place because I have been eating so many medications for so many years now, and there were medicines being ordered by professor that was being declined. Them expensive white man medicine type of medication. I have been very curious about the denials of two medicine ordered by my professor. One. while on the new medicinal regimen, which had begun! Yes, true. So I stopped taking the rest. I mean? I have had two Meniere's attacks since I was on blog last. The noises in both ears have been complete unforgiving hell, an unrelenting torture of sounds and noises that come from within my skull. Where the metal plate in my skull lives and the abutment that extends from the implant on my thick ass skull. I have had active vomiting with my nausea. I have sweated pounds and inches off of my frame by the Meniere's Sweating Work Out! What the hell? I have reintroduced light lifting to firm up a bit and am planning on following a new planking regimen. My arms look nice, my waist is sweet and I want it sweeter. I watch what I eat - for the most part indeed. An occasional ethnic break in diet shatters any calorie count and triples my curls while sitting on the sofa. Which is a good thing, en'it? Because, I know this, the sleep had my scrotum to my 501's! I have continued to sleep with such an ill sleeping pattern that this just may be my ticket one day. What? I just thought of a lieutenant I knew in the Army. Sir.? Richard? Today was a beautiful day to die! Why fear? When Great One is ready, My God, knows right where I am. And, by the way, I know where my relationship with God, lives. There are simply too many hypocrites in my Circles, they seem to come and go. Now's another time to take care of myself and better manage my business, by managing what business represents in me. Me. Them who speak with evil tongue when speaking of God, brings on to themselves ill and unfortunate circumstances onto themselves. It's like putting illness upon your Kin Folk. Bad medicine works really much like Karma. I have had two falls since visiting doctor last week. The ear spasms continue at ?-numbers-per-day. Today, my face has spasmed twice. There was one episode last week while in my wife's car on our way cross town that I was moments from any hospitals emergency department. Today, there were two episodes. Both involving my neck and cervical spine that produced such pain I saw bright lights twinkle about my face and skull. My hearing hasn't been worth a damn for too many days to remember. There has been the sound of an old fashioned telephone ringing through. For now I have nothing else to say. I send out this communique to all Kindred. To all Kindred, much love and peace and more peace please. I'm back. Seen? Seem.
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