Dearest Kind Ones,
At this moment there are three things pressing me between a rock and my granite hard skull. One of these three being the past twelve hours of on and off again rectal spasms and pains. The medical diagnosis of this is Proctalgia Fugax, and the best I might describe this is that I am the beneficiary of a disorder of the rectum. Yes, and Desmond, this diagnosis was placed on my name back in the 1990's when I was still young and active and such and such. My dear folks, please, this really isn't a damned laughing matter. This shitty scenario is for damned real. I mean, who in the hell ever thinks about having a very painfully true spasm of the butt hole? No. Wait. Think about it just for an instant, almost as if you were the one interrupted in the night or in the clear blue, like at work - by a raging-pissed off bum hole.
Yes, these literal pains-in-my-ass wake me from REM in the dark of night and have brought me to tears. So I remove myself from my safe place so not to disturb my bride and go elsewhere in my lodge. To sit on it, my butt, and suffer with a pain that lasts for what seems like an eternity. There isn't a medication to prevent or ease these spams. There aren't explanation's or prognosis or reasoning's behind these mystery rectum/butt hole/anus, life altering symptoms which create such pain, such torture that it brings a grown ass man to cry and weep aloud. I mean to say these spasms are breath taking. I believe I have spoken about this here on, My Path, before. I am not sure though, if I've ever really "opened up", or "came out" about this subject, that is why I give descriptions the best I can without getting too deeply into it.
In the past twelve hours, I have had three spasms/episodes, of which, two of the three lasted approximately one hour in duration each. The other about one half hour. Please friend, having my rectum go into absolutely uncontrollable horrific spasms and pains, just bring up too many bad memories from the many years of rapes I survived as a child and adolescent. I am so sorry and I hated to go there, but what else could or would've? For real? I am able to breath easier now because I am fresh from the latest and I am bruised, still sweating, and beside myself from what this mystery does to me and my friend, my butt, every time we am visited by proctalgia fugax.
The second of three is how is it these pharmaceuticals, politicos, and government officials continue to interfere with my treatment and medications? This medication has been ordered by a professor, who is one of the best doctors a human could have the opportunity to call "my doctor'". How is it then a third party willingly denies health care of a citizen? Of a fellow human spirit? What? Oh Great One, this angers and frustrates me so.
(Fuck these beeps in my deaf ear! Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck! Fuck!)
The other is that it is possible someone has interfered with mail coming to me from my professor at Tampa General Hospital. A certified parcel addressed to me, from ten miles away has yet to arrive with today being day four. Fortunately there has been a trace placed on this and I truly pray for justice. I have been without one of my new medications since Monday. I miscalculated the quantity of medicine in my bottle, it's proper usage, and the arrival of a posted prescription. I follow each and every order any Doctor directs. In these modern times it is beyond me how this could happen really, and yes, I accept responsibility for the poorly timed telephone call, but it is an ill conceived notion that some one out there has stolen the contents. There has been arrangements made for me to receive a new order for medication and I thank the awesome staff and team mates there at the neurological pain rehab center for making this so. Thanks Sis for the pick up and drop off. You're so my awesome baby sis!
Kindred, I make efforts every day of my life to do the right thing. I work hard at becoming human with each and every breath I breathe. This is my business, my health and body - my mind and Spirit's, and I work relentlessly. In Spanish , it is said to be "con mucho gusto", it is simply, to be "with much gusto".
There is so much other stuff that's going on in my body and mind right now. So fucking much I think I'll bring this communique to an end for now. Please, really-really for me, know I am doing okay at being a human in the flesh, it is for my Spirit's, I request peaceful prayer and contemplation. Please.
(Shit! Fuck! Shit! Dammit! Shit! Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Fuck! Dammit! Ahhhhhhh!)
I have no more to say then.
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