Kin,
I would love to introduce you to my very own Right-Good-Bad-Ear. Folks, I say, this one just might could be as close to entertaining and or horrifying as my Deaf Left...
...my DNA. Oui? Yes.
Let me not get into or onto that Deaf Left one. Yet. Maybe some other time. Later ? IDK.
This one ear here on the right side of my head, scalp and skull is the one I depend on most of all in life because this is how and where I base my boundaries. Establishing boundaries is as high up there on the Life-O-Meter as breathing. I must utilze what hearing I have to the best of my ability, and with-out that ability to determine from whence a sound or call comes - I am but a lost child in a mans body. It is scarey. It is nesscary I share with each and every one of those who have crossed My Path today, that this process of not being able to distinguish this from that inside the mind is just plain anxiety provoking.
I am sorry to express such un-Manly-like qualities, but the truth is the damned truth. There are times when I am in total horror and just want my She-Who-Walks-Tall and my Mom. I know.
Excuse me please, I had to make a dash outside to snip a few branches. My heart was growing heavy, so a wee task is gut. No sweating - just a quick out and back in. As I stopped by the refrig for a cold beverage I saw the ripe mango that had to be dressed. After scooping the fruit flesh from the mango skin for cooling, I drank and ate what was remaining on the seed's outer shell. I am eager to get this Lil' Baby Mango to sprout and growing well. An offering of peace perhaps.
Back to the EAR...
...at this precise moment the ceiling fan overhead is as loud if not in some cases louder than an automobile. So loud this sound. Should I permit my Inner thoughts to process this more, the more it sounds like motorized odds-n-ends.
There are times when the total silence scares me really harsh like and yet, while I listen to this silence I wonder, when? I am not prepared today, for the sudden loss of hearing in my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. So ill-prepared, I am scared with that alone, being ill-prepared is not how I roll. All the talk- talk about classes for American Sign Language, is just that. Just the talk. I have text books to read and self teach yes, but with this language it is best to have interaction with other's. I know and remember this from a Summer course I took at the local community college many years ago. Synchronisty? Yes.
I am Hard of Hearing in this right ear of mine. The hearing is a machine that operates and runs on it's own and at it's own pace. I have no control. Earlier in life, I was a complete control freak. This relinguishing control to an malfuntioning hearing and balance system is so damned taxing. Unless you know this, you just don't know. As in huge percentage of my Kinfolk. I mean as in my own fleah and blood. They simply don't get it. Sometimes I truly permit an anger to stir about this subject. I can't help it. Shit, there's one aunt of mine that I've been waiting for a return call from the last three telephone calls to her. This hearing aspect of life is like a television remote control with-in my skull Or like a light switch even, my ear switches channels "and" switches off and on at will. There are times the hearing is so bad I permit myself three strikes. If I must ask three times for somebody to repeat, that's three times too many. So I stop...
...Kin, Folks get pissed if I must ask them to repeat. I know this.
The sounds and noises are as if there has been a micro-chip implanted to capture the sounds of Morse Code from Secret Service's. The CIA, the FBI, the KGB, M15 and Chinese Forgotten Silent Service. In my right ear I am able to listen to long periods of constant messages. Constant tap-tap or beep-beep-beeps that are enough to have taken me to the Edge and back. Have been there too.
The sounds and noises of Great Spirit's beings, my fellow Mother Earth mates. Their sounds are magnified as much as to be very much a distraction in my day-to-day life style. I have listened to the sounds of alligators, the sounds of huge Cajun frogs, giant crickets, cicadas, and locusts. Have heard the howl of coyotes and wolf.
I listen to WWII fighter planes fly over the Lodge. Also listen to air planes parked in my back yard. There is also the haunting whomp-whomp-whomp of the Vietnam era helicopter's parked back there. From time to time I pick up the sounds of a locomotive parked there too...
...every once and again I capture the sad humming from the tires of an 18 wheeler somewhere on the highways between these ears of mine. When the sound of a disconnected telephone from yester-year comes, I know I am in for issues. I pray for silence.
I pray for silence, yet am dumbfounded when the silence visits. The sound of total silence is stark and deep. It is a lonly place for me and it sure does have me pray for hearing.
Look, even with all I have just shared, I still love my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. I have learned to love the outside and inside of my ear. With this sort of situation, Meniere's et`al, somebody better tell someone to take good care of what you got - while you got it...
...oh my Dear Kin, I used to bleeding hate that expression. But you know what? It's the whole damned truth!
Goodness, the tales I could share.
Stop.
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