Relations,
This is something I wrote to the staff and contributors of The Gazette, back in October of 1990, The Suncoast Monthly Gay and Lesbian News Magazine. The paper has worn and gone an odd shade of yellow, the pages feel crinkly but are not yet that far along. It smells like an old comic book...
...I saved two copies of this edition because my letter was published. I share it with all of you now.
The Claudia Brenner Story
I really don't expect this letter will be printed and I suppose that this is not the reason I write this letter to you today. Just writing these words provides me with an avenue to communicate and share with you some memories, my thoughts and my thanks and true admiration for the extremely sad and powerful story written by Claudia Brenner that you folks printed in the October issue of The Gazette.
While reading her story the flashbacks were hard to fight off. For you see, I remember that day back in May of 1988 when Rebecca was murdered. I remember the pain and anger - and feel that pain and anger today as I did then. It also stirred memories I have of a dear friend who was murdered in Miami just a year or so before Rebecca was killed. Bringing back the ill feeling in my stomach I felt when Carl's Mom found her only son in his apartment, stabbed more that 60 times. Remembering how beautiful a person Carl was and will always be in my heart...remembering that his death was not then titled a "Hate Crime"...even though I knew then that it was.
Perhaps, Claudia's story was written to stir up something in our Gay community here in Tampa, or for that matter, the world. Perhaps her words were also meant to bring forth a message. I, for one, experienced a whirl-wind of "perhaps" and can only come to one conclusion...Claudia has brought this letter to us to share...and perhaps most importantly to motivate. It's quite clear that if we don't help each other fight the epidemic of hate violence/crimes, no one else will! Silence kills.
I have been the victim of hate crimes. I've been robbed, beaten and publicly humiliated by ignorant people of different races and back grounds - never once acknowledging them as "hate crimes of violence" to the authorities. Should it ever happen again - and I pray that it does not - it will be reported as such.
I thank you at The Gazette for providing the space for Claudia's story. I thank you for the support you offer wholeheartedly here in Tampa. I thank Claudia for her letter and her heart - and I thank Carl for his memory.
Mario Sierra III, Tampa, Florida
p.s. Yes, to this very day, I feel the same. I shittin' have same talk. I like that - it sounds and reads like me. And yes, I still remember. And know and believe that Silence, Still = Death!
Monday, July 30, 2012
This Dad Of Mine
Dad,
Now that I'm a grown Man. I see things differently Dad.
You know, even now that I'm fifty two, all I have to do is close my eye's and the whole world disappears and I'm back to the lessons you taught me...
...way, way back yester-yester-year. Time and time again.
Oh, I remember very well. You know Dad? My memory serves me far too well.
The lessons you taught me when we would go to the Spanish Cinema. When you would take me to those movies that were not intended for the boy that was your little son. The Spanish Cinema is where I was molested that time, by that dirty, smelling, cigar smoking old Spanish son-of-a-bitch. Did I ever tell you Dad? Have I ever shared with you that Clay Pigeons or Psycho, directed by Alfred Hitchcock, was not meant for my eye's or mind? I never wanted to see them, I was too young - I just wanted to be with you. So I could be taught. The Clock Work Orange, Dad? I am still affected.
I remember when you would take me to the special beach's. Where we would fit in like a nice pair of gloves. We swam so close together. It was so special. I would think to myself back then.
Then you changed and you became a week end Dad, Dad. I always knew we would have some "time" then, when you would come home. Sometimes you didn't. And then you left me and all of us here in our tiny little house not too far from Down Town. I got work at Church's Fried Chicken, remember Dad? I was in Grade Seven. I worked so we would have extra. I tried to do right.
Then you moved us all and we lived in that one bed room apartment in Hialeah, Florida for a few weeks. Nine of us. I remember. When we lived in Miami things didn't change too much did they Dad? No. Nope. You never stopped teaching me and providing lesson after lesson's, did you Dad?..
...I remember Dad. I do and I know you hear these words I tip-tap.
Thank you, Dad.
Now that I'm a grown Man. I see things differently Dad.
You know, even now that I'm fifty two, all I have to do is close my eye's and the whole world disappears and I'm back to the lessons you taught me...
...way, way back yester-yester-year. Time and time again.
Oh, I remember very well. You know Dad? My memory serves me far too well.
The lessons you taught me when we would go to the Spanish Cinema. When you would take me to those movies that were not intended for the boy that was your little son. The Spanish Cinema is where I was molested that time, by that dirty, smelling, cigar smoking old Spanish son-of-a-bitch. Did I ever tell you Dad? Have I ever shared with you that Clay Pigeons or Psycho, directed by Alfred Hitchcock, was not meant for my eye's or mind? I never wanted to see them, I was too young - I just wanted to be with you. So I could be taught. The Clock Work Orange, Dad? I am still affected.
I remember when you would take me to the special beach's. Where we would fit in like a nice pair of gloves. We swam so close together. It was so special. I would think to myself back then.
Then you changed and you became a week end Dad, Dad. I always knew we would have some "time" then, when you would come home. Sometimes you didn't. And then you left me and all of us here in our tiny little house not too far from Down Town. I got work at Church's Fried Chicken, remember Dad? I was in Grade Seven. I worked so we would have extra. I tried to do right.
Then you moved us all and we lived in that one bed room apartment in Hialeah, Florida for a few weeks. Nine of us. I remember. When we lived in Miami things didn't change too much did they Dad? No. Nope. You never stopped teaching me and providing lesson after lesson's, did you Dad?..
...I remember Dad. I do and I know you hear these words I tip-tap.
Thank you, Dad.
Meniere's Attack Related, 27 July
All Relations,
Greeting's. Please, if I may sit here with you, might we talk a spell?
It was late afternoon on 27 July 2012, that I was last struck by a Meniere's attack. It happened at 1748, not seventy-two hours yet, when I was taken by a surprise attack while in the shower. Completely out of the blue clear sky and of which completely overwhelmed me with the dizziness to faint by. I thought to cool the water but the water wouldn't cool fast enough, so I just turned stopped the shower and stood for a minute or two. I considered calling out for my daughter Nicole, but did not want to trouble her with this Meniere's shit and or my nakedness...
...there was something in my skull that flash backed to the last time I was in this tub suffering from a Meniere's Disease related issue. I knew if I did not remove myself to my bed I would surely faint, thus fall and perhaps causing injury. I was successful with this endeavor and laid their wet and watched the ceiling make funny faces at me as I tried to find a focus.
This one peculiar attack seemed different in some ways. Maybe it was because I was horrified at the potential of fainting or it was going through the process of fainting or maybe it was the "whole" shower thing. IDK. The hair all over my body seemed to have extra sensory, as I tinged and felt a stinging from this body of mine, like never before. Read, ALL my entire body knew, to the very Spirit within, to the N in DNA, was the necessity of getting to the bed. By the Grace of Great Spirit, I made it. He carried me.
I know.
The duration of attack was approximately twenty minutes. Which included the moisture of shower water turned to sweat and nausea so severe my throat went sore. Albeit unproductive, the nausea was plain dreadful. Spiders and Worms took to the occasion and scurried about the left and left top side of my skull...
...after an hour or so I was able to stand and begin to carry on to the best of my ability. I went to bed early that Friday night. And have slept through too much of life and these Olympics the past couple or three days. Too much fucking sleep! I have been about as useful as a sixth toe on my left foot. Or a third testicle. IDK...
...there has been so much progress in the past weeks. To have two Meniere's attacks in one week has me spent. I am exhausted, in pain from the soles of my feet to my skull and it's contents. I wish to sleep but I say to myself, no. The symptoms persist. I push.
Today, I hope to turn a couple of things about. Perhaps a realignment in me Core and Spirit's.
Think I'll go feed Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen, our Two-Turtles-From-Great Spirit. I see tiny little frogs in the cement pond. Aunt Helen, the leather back snapping turtle is going to have a feast!
Ciao Bella's...
Greeting's. Please, if I may sit here with you, might we talk a spell?
It was late afternoon on 27 July 2012, that I was last struck by a Meniere's attack. It happened at 1748, not seventy-two hours yet, when I was taken by a surprise attack while in the shower. Completely out of the blue clear sky and of which completely overwhelmed me with the dizziness to faint by. I thought to cool the water but the water wouldn't cool fast enough, so I just turned stopped the shower and stood for a minute or two. I considered calling out for my daughter Nicole, but did not want to trouble her with this Meniere's shit and or my nakedness...
...there was something in my skull that flash backed to the last time I was in this tub suffering from a Meniere's Disease related issue. I knew if I did not remove myself to my bed I would surely faint, thus fall and perhaps causing injury. I was successful with this endeavor and laid their wet and watched the ceiling make funny faces at me as I tried to find a focus.
This one peculiar attack seemed different in some ways. Maybe it was because I was horrified at the potential of fainting or it was going through the process of fainting or maybe it was the "whole" shower thing. IDK. The hair all over my body seemed to have extra sensory, as I tinged and felt a stinging from this body of mine, like never before. Read, ALL my entire body knew, to the very Spirit within, to the N in DNA, was the necessity of getting to the bed. By the Grace of Great Spirit, I made it. He carried me.
I know.
The duration of attack was approximately twenty minutes. Which included the moisture of shower water turned to sweat and nausea so severe my throat went sore. Albeit unproductive, the nausea was plain dreadful. Spiders and Worms took to the occasion and scurried about the left and left top side of my skull...
...after an hour or so I was able to stand and begin to carry on to the best of my ability. I went to bed early that Friday night. And have slept through too much of life and these Olympics the past couple or three days. Too much fucking sleep! I have been about as useful as a sixth toe on my left foot. Or a third testicle. IDK...
...there has been so much progress in the past weeks. To have two Meniere's attacks in one week has me spent. I am exhausted, in pain from the soles of my feet to my skull and it's contents. I wish to sleep but I say to myself, no. The symptoms persist. I push.
Today, I hope to turn a couple of things about. Perhaps a realignment in me Core and Spirit's.
Think I'll go feed Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen, our Two-Turtles-From-Great Spirit. I see tiny little frogs in the cement pond. Aunt Helen, the leather back snapping turtle is going to have a feast!
Ciao Bella's...
I Am Wanting To Listen To Something Loud From Out Side My Head
Maybe this is the day where things fall into place.
Way so too much has gone on in the past few days. I would exclaim that notion, but the words represent me well.
Last night I was troubled by the loud screeching in my right ear. It did not matter what side I attempted to sleep upon - the loud screeching continued and fucking lasted for what seemed like most of the night. Night before last, I had the rhythmic thump-thump-thump of a dear neighbour having a "Latin Night In The Preserve", late into the night. It did not matter which ear I laid on. The rhythm had me by the pulse and the right-good-bad-ear picked up the beat just damned fine. Believe this not an indication of improvement of hearing, but rather the volume of which Jennifer Lopez, Iglessia Jr., and am certain I even heard so mariachi music coming from my brothers and sisters under the influence of the rums of Cuba.
Look, today I want to listen to something loud. Find some tunes on the iPod that will permit me to listen to some fan-damned-tastic tunes. Out LOUD! So that I might distract from the sounds and noises from between these two malfunctioning ear holes to the brains. Presently I have some "We Are Augustine's", on the pod. Yes, it is from yesteryear, but am thinking this is where I am today. The feel the vibe, you know. "Chapel Song", is one of my all time favorites. Have listened to it 1450 times on the pod and have yet to become board with it. The video's cool too.
I want to listen to some music so loud I can't hear myself think!
Anyways, last Friday, 27 July, I had an extraordinary time on a Play Date. I had been recovering from the symptoms of a then most recent Menerie's Attack and was not at 100% but this gathering was important to me. Besides I had never been on something such as a Play Date, but what a blast I had! My dearest friend girl, Lady Bird and her children who are now my nieces and nephews and I enjoyed an afternoon of shopping, laughing, planking and sipping on Starbucks coffee. Oh, what a day it was! We arrived at our destination about 1400 and exited the West Shore Plaza passed 1700. Time flew by like a mid-day Florida thunder storm. So too fast...
...I had a blast! This is the same Centre my Mom took us seven Baby Bears to shop decades ago. Back when it was truly a Plaza and not a Mall. It is the same West Shore Plaza I took my two beautiful daughters and wife for shopping pleasure...
...the same Plaza I would take my Kid Sister Theresa and her three cubs to buy clothes and shoes for them, my dear and missed-so-much little Bear's. And now, a new generation of Family and I continue a tradition. I am pleased. Lady Bird, thank you so much for picking me up and tucking me under your wing along with an already full nest. I love you, I love your husband and your children more than I might even try to express. Thank you.
My sister's East-Face-From-West-Tampa, would take me about and we would have good talk, good fun and good coffee. Sadly, Face lives in Georgia now. My Baby Sis and my "feller's" offer me respite on occasion simply by visiting me. Other than them, none other of my flesh and blood carries me for pleasurable ride abouts or trips to the store or trips to the coffee house or any-fucking-where or any-fucking-place, even though they speak of such promises and you know what, I can see clearer today than I did yesterday or even yesteryear's. Is today the day?
Yes, I know.
My Deaf left ear, also known as the one OOS, Out Of Sound thinks it's listening to music at this second. Ha! Listening to Culture Club and my dear Boy George, sing about time. Lord?
I am so tired of the bullshit Folks think I am willing to tolerate and accept. I want to listen to something other than their abrasive voices. Them who scold me because I am unable to hear the words they speak or am unable to read their lips. The language spoken comes from the mouths of some with two faces and no ears. No ears because they did not even listen to the words spoken from both sides of their face.
The ipod has moved along and I think I will to. (Boy George singing, "time won't give me time") Gurr, please. Think I'll take a minute or two out of doors. Clear some energy that has manifested in my Core.
Kin, I say and share, I am able to "see" that the most of you still don't get it...
...this past weekend I uttered for the first time something that has remained with me. I don't think the family about me even heard what it was I said as I was being scolded for speaking loudly. I stated simply, "imagine what this will be like when I lose more hearing".
Naw Boo's, you don't know.
This is the day my life will surely change.
Way so too much has gone on in the past few days. I would exclaim that notion, but the words represent me well.
Last night I was troubled by the loud screeching in my right ear. It did not matter what side I attempted to sleep upon - the loud screeching continued and fucking lasted for what seemed like most of the night. Night before last, I had the rhythmic thump-thump-thump of a dear neighbour having a "Latin Night In The Preserve", late into the night. It did not matter which ear I laid on. The rhythm had me by the pulse and the right-good-bad-ear picked up the beat just damned fine. Believe this not an indication of improvement of hearing, but rather the volume of which Jennifer Lopez, Iglessia Jr., and am certain I even heard so mariachi music coming from my brothers and sisters under the influence of the rums of Cuba.
Look, today I want to listen to something loud. Find some tunes on the iPod that will permit me to listen to some fan-damned-tastic tunes. Out LOUD! So that I might distract from the sounds and noises from between these two malfunctioning ear holes to the brains. Presently I have some "We Are Augustine's", on the pod. Yes, it is from yesteryear, but am thinking this is where I am today. The feel the vibe, you know. "Chapel Song", is one of my all time favorites. Have listened to it 1450 times on the pod and have yet to become board with it. The video's cool too.
I want to listen to some music so loud I can't hear myself think!
Anyways, last Friday, 27 July, I had an extraordinary time on a Play Date. I had been recovering from the symptoms of a then most recent Menerie's Attack and was not at 100% but this gathering was important to me. Besides I had never been on something such as a Play Date, but what a blast I had! My dearest friend girl, Lady Bird and her children who are now my nieces and nephews and I enjoyed an afternoon of shopping, laughing, planking and sipping on Starbucks coffee. Oh, what a day it was! We arrived at our destination about 1400 and exited the West Shore Plaza passed 1700. Time flew by like a mid-day Florida thunder storm. So too fast...
...I had a blast! This is the same Centre my Mom took us seven Baby Bears to shop decades ago. Back when it was truly a Plaza and not a Mall. It is the same West Shore Plaza I took my two beautiful daughters and wife for shopping pleasure...
...the same Plaza I would take my Kid Sister Theresa and her three cubs to buy clothes and shoes for them, my dear and missed-so-much little Bear's. And now, a new generation of Family and I continue a tradition. I am pleased. Lady Bird, thank you so much for picking me up and tucking me under your wing along with an already full nest. I love you, I love your husband and your children more than I might even try to express. Thank you.
My sister's East-Face-From-West-Tampa, would take me about and we would have good talk, good fun and good coffee. Sadly, Face lives in Georgia now. My Baby Sis and my "feller's" offer me respite on occasion simply by visiting me. Other than them, none other of my flesh and blood carries me for pleasurable ride abouts or trips to the store or trips to the coffee house or any-fucking-where or any-fucking-place, even though they speak of such promises and you know what, I can see clearer today than I did yesterday or even yesteryear's. Is today the day?
Yes, I know.
My Deaf left ear, also known as the one OOS, Out Of Sound thinks it's listening to music at this second. Ha! Listening to Culture Club and my dear Boy George, sing about time. Lord?
I am so tired of the bullshit Folks think I am willing to tolerate and accept. I want to listen to something other than their abrasive voices. Them who scold me because I am unable to hear the words they speak or am unable to read their lips. The language spoken comes from the mouths of some with two faces and no ears. No ears because they did not even listen to the words spoken from both sides of their face.
The ipod has moved along and I think I will to. (Boy George singing, "time won't give me time") Gurr, please. Think I'll take a minute or two out of doors. Clear some energy that has manifested in my Core.
Kin, I say and share, I am able to "see" that the most of you still don't get it...
...this past weekend I uttered for the first time something that has remained with me. I don't think the family about me even heard what it was I said as I was being scolded for speaking loudly. I stated simply, "imagine what this will be like when I lose more hearing".
Naw Boo's, you don't know.
This is the day my life will surely change.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Catching Up On Meniere's And Life. 26 July 2012.
Kin,
Woke to the sound of the irritating alarm clock this morning. Sometimes I fail to hear this noise, while mornings like this one the alarm was so very abrasive to my ear. I remember few things of life over the past four days and have slept too many hours since. Am feeling that I have awoken a different fellow than who I was when I went to sleep on the night of 23 July.
I do remember seeing She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, on Tuesday the 24th. As we had our face to face, it was my duty to self that I report to her my failure on the War against the sugar. Something snapped in my health back starting in April of this year. My sugar began to to increase over the course of weeks that turned into months...
...and I found myself there in the doctors clinic feeling a failure. On the verge of tears even. I insisted on a Patient and Doctor Health Plan and Agreement about this process. She prescribed a pill as I am in the range that a good approach would be a pill that is just a wee bit smaller than a horse pill. My God.
But yes, She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee, you had hit the nail square on the head a couple of months ago. I was too proud to admit that I was failing in my fight against sugar diabetes. I am ashamed now, but part of the Health Plan is that as soon as my sugar is under control I would be weened from it. I am confidant that this approach will be a right good successful one. I am confidant I know why I was failing. My food in-take was very good and the control of sugar grams and calorie count is a strong point for me. I have admitted that I may tend towards the control piece from time to time. The controls of my food in-take will increase. Substantially. My simple exercises will continue and I am planning on increasing the work outs I do in the cement pond. The experiment has already begun. I am wondering and do highly suspect all of those Diet and Energy Drinks have something to do with this? For now, I'm licking my wounds about this health thing.
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, has recommended a visit with the Endocrinologist. I will oblige.
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, has ordered laboratory work be done and testing to be done on my heart. Something, "looked odd" on the EKG. Has also ordered I should see He-Who-Knows-My-Heart. Hmmmmm?
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, observed that my blood pressure has increased and was consistent with repeated tries at the BP Cuff. She would not listen to the "I am nervous" line neither. So, the BP medication I was already on has been increased.
The staff were all cheerful and very happy to see the amount of weight I have lost. This was a much needed uplifting experience for my Spirit's. I mean, shit.
On the night of 24 July, I am sure that the Meniere's Family visited me. This preceded the sleep, which has me twisted in my head. The sounds in my ears. The dizziness is active and like an old fashioned sweat band about my skull, as I tip-tap this communique. The nausea has been up and down today and has been productive over the past two days. I sit here perspiring in a cool place in our lodge. The Worms and Spiders are alive and living well. Yesterday, I slept twenty hours - sleeping through an important gathering with my Sir Dude. I have lost count of the sleep between the 24th and now - as I find anything and everything to do to keep myself awake. I wish that had been the case on the yesterday...
...I have been rather blue and slightly depressed for quite sometime. First off is the whole Health Care Plan change and stuff. I am and have been so hyper-focused on the Meniere's Disease and operations since the new year, that I permitted my own body to go unhealthy on me. All while I have been attempting in so many other aspects to make myself a healthier person. It puzzles me why I didn't listen. Actually, I am angry with self.
One near me has betrayed me yet again and I can't shake it off. I have not been able to come to terms with what happened in Colorado or what the hell is going on in Syria. No. Not yet.
Woke to the sound of the irritating alarm clock this morning. Sometimes I fail to hear this noise, while mornings like this one the alarm was so very abrasive to my ear. I remember few things of life over the past four days and have slept too many hours since. Am feeling that I have awoken a different fellow than who I was when I went to sleep on the night of 23 July.
I do remember seeing She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, on Tuesday the 24th. As we had our face to face, it was my duty to self that I report to her my failure on the War against the sugar. Something snapped in my health back starting in April of this year. My sugar began to to increase over the course of weeks that turned into months...
...and I found myself there in the doctors clinic feeling a failure. On the verge of tears even. I insisted on a Patient and Doctor Health Plan and Agreement about this process. She prescribed a pill as I am in the range that a good approach would be a pill that is just a wee bit smaller than a horse pill. My God.
But yes, She-Who-Walks-With-The-Cherokee, you had hit the nail square on the head a couple of months ago. I was too proud to admit that I was failing in my fight against sugar diabetes. I am ashamed now, but part of the Health Plan is that as soon as my sugar is under control I would be weened from it. I am confidant that this approach will be a right good successful one. I am confidant I know why I was failing. My food in-take was very good and the control of sugar grams and calorie count is a strong point for me. I have admitted that I may tend towards the control piece from time to time. The controls of my food in-take will increase. Substantially. My simple exercises will continue and I am planning on increasing the work outs I do in the cement pond. The experiment has already begun. I am wondering and do highly suspect all of those Diet and Energy Drinks have something to do with this? For now, I'm licking my wounds about this health thing.
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, has recommended a visit with the Endocrinologist. I will oblige.
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, has ordered laboratory work be done and testing to be done on my heart. Something, "looked odd" on the EKG. Has also ordered I should see He-Who-Knows-My-Heart. Hmmmmm?
She-Who-Knows-My-Innards, observed that my blood pressure has increased and was consistent with repeated tries at the BP Cuff. She would not listen to the "I am nervous" line neither. So, the BP medication I was already on has been increased.
The staff were all cheerful and very happy to see the amount of weight I have lost. This was a much needed uplifting experience for my Spirit's. I mean, shit.
On the night of 24 July, I am sure that the Meniere's Family visited me. This preceded the sleep, which has me twisted in my head. The sounds in my ears. The dizziness is active and like an old fashioned sweat band about my skull, as I tip-tap this communique. The nausea has been up and down today and has been productive over the past two days. I sit here perspiring in a cool place in our lodge. The Worms and Spiders are alive and living well. Yesterday, I slept twenty hours - sleeping through an important gathering with my Sir Dude. I have lost count of the sleep between the 24th and now - as I find anything and everything to do to keep myself awake. I wish that had been the case on the yesterday...
...I have been rather blue and slightly depressed for quite sometime. First off is the whole Health Care Plan change and stuff. I am and have been so hyper-focused on the Meniere's Disease and operations since the new year, that I permitted my own body to go unhealthy on me. All while I have been attempting in so many other aspects to make myself a healthier person. It puzzles me why I didn't listen. Actually, I am angry with self.
One near me has betrayed me yet again and I can't shake it off. I have not been able to come to terms with what happened in Colorado or what the hell is going on in Syria. No. Not yet.
Friday, July 20, 2012
A Letter Addressed To God, For Aurora, Colorado
Dear God,
I write you today because I am enraged by what this American born savage has done to every victim he killed, every victim he injured, their Kinfolk and their Kindred. This dog in many ways has affected every American by this betrayal. I am enraged because my Great Spirit, another mangy dog coward has so sensesly slaughtered innocent people.
My Dear God, send your Angels, send Jesus Christ, send in the Saints, send in every ally we have to attend to the breaking of so many lives and the history of so many families. Their children. Their Elders. With great haste, my Lord, go and aid my fellow Earth Spirit's.
I am not and do not speak on the behalf of the perpetrator. It is too bad, in cases like this, that we do not have the swift and sure justice of the Chinese peoples. This dog has harmed and hurt people far beyond the State of Colorado. The affected and offened emotions of Folks in my circle and the emotions of people's in their circle. The dog has affected and offended my emotions and Psyche. There in Aurora and from afar, Folks all across this Mother Earth have changed a little bit today.
In my eye's anyway.
It sucks, it is an outrage and angers me so very much to know that he will be fed, offered treatments, provided medications and a roof over his head until this slow fucking system does what it has to do. Execute this bastard dog as soon as very possible.
His scalped head would be better off severed along with every knuckle, appendage, ear, etc...
...snipped one at a time with a dull pair of butter knives.
I do not want the name of this dog on this blog. I will not mention his name. Ever or until some jail house dude does us all a favor and cuts his throat. This is the justice I speak of when it comes to these hideous, horrific mass murders. This ass didn't even have the guts to off himself. A pitiful coward indeed.
Great Spirit, I ask your forgiveness for my reaction to what this evil dog has done. Forgive me for playing Judge. I can only pray and think about all of thos innoscent Folks and I want justice.
Justice without hesitation. I would kill this dog myself to save the justice system the time, money and energy. I would slay him in a Yankee Minute in revenge for every person he has killed and for every life he has altered. This dog does not deserve to breath the air that is so sweet and cool there in Aurora, Colorado.
For now, I have decided I will forgo any theater trips anytime in the future. How will I sit in a theater and not think about what happened this morning?
For now, I don't know.
Great Spirit, please avenge the loss of so many Innocent's. Please.
Amen. Amen. And Amen.
I write you today because I am enraged by what this American born savage has done to every victim he killed, every victim he injured, their Kinfolk and their Kindred. This dog in many ways has affected every American by this betrayal. I am enraged because my Great Spirit, another mangy dog coward has so sensesly slaughtered innocent people.
My Dear God, send your Angels, send Jesus Christ, send in the Saints, send in every ally we have to attend to the breaking of so many lives and the history of so many families. Their children. Their Elders. With great haste, my Lord, go and aid my fellow Earth Spirit's.
I am not and do not speak on the behalf of the perpetrator. It is too bad, in cases like this, that we do not have the swift and sure justice of the Chinese peoples. This dog has harmed and hurt people far beyond the State of Colorado. The affected and offened emotions of Folks in my circle and the emotions of people's in their circle. The dog has affected and offended my emotions and Psyche. There in Aurora and from afar, Folks all across this Mother Earth have changed a little bit today.
In my eye's anyway.
It sucks, it is an outrage and angers me so very much to know that he will be fed, offered treatments, provided medications and a roof over his head until this slow fucking system does what it has to do. Execute this bastard dog as soon as very possible.
His scalped head would be better off severed along with every knuckle, appendage, ear, etc...
...snipped one at a time with a dull pair of butter knives.
I do not want the name of this dog on this blog. I will not mention his name. Ever or until some jail house dude does us all a favor and cuts his throat. This is the justice I speak of when it comes to these hideous, horrific mass murders. This ass didn't even have the guts to off himself. A pitiful coward indeed.
Great Spirit, I ask your forgiveness for my reaction to what this evil dog has done. Forgive me for playing Judge. I can only pray and think about all of thos innoscent Folks and I want justice.
Justice without hesitation. I would kill this dog myself to save the justice system the time, money and energy. I would slay him in a Yankee Minute in revenge for every person he has killed and for every life he has altered. This dog does not deserve to breath the air that is so sweet and cool there in Aurora, Colorado.
For now, I have decided I will forgo any theater trips anytime in the future. How will I sit in a theater and not think about what happened this morning?
For now, I don't know.
Great Spirit, please avenge the loss of so many Innocent's. Please.
Amen. Amen. And Amen.
Meniere's Disease As It Is Today, 20 July 2012
My Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Thinking I will discuss the Meniere's stirring me up plenty today. Am tryig to remain focused and not let my mind drift off into some sort of distraction or another. So please, sit back and read with me what it is I and my body are feeling today.
The Meniere's Disease symptom nausea is heavy in my throat and upper chest this afternoon. The nausea has not become productive. As of yet. The gags and sensations of impending vomit is always present. Just some days are better than others. Today is a day high on the 1 - 10 scale. Hoovering around seven to nine. 10 would be puking my innards out.
There's been a soft "tinging" that comes and goes in my Deaf left ear. Something similar to the sound of a small Tibetan bell when struck by the wooden object. These are not ringing nosies - these are "tinging" sounds. My right HH (Hard of Hearing) ear has had moments of silence several times since yesterday evening. Especially last night. So bad it was all I could do to just lay in bed and listen to the silence in the one good bad ear hole to the brain. It's crazy. There's a roar at present in my Deaf Left - an unexplainable roar. It's so damned loud. Perhaps the sound one would pick up while standing underneath and behind a water fall is the best I can describe.
I am perspiring quite heavy like to be sitting here in an air conditioned lodge. It is mighty hot out of doors, so today I've remained inside. I am uncertain as to whether I should task out there this afternoon. Maybe later, I'm not sure. I do not mind perspiring and or sweating when I'm out of doors on a hot Florida afternoon, but to be in air condition and sweat drips and drops is an all together different subject.
I have been exceptionally goofy with walking about. Stumbles on my own six feet have created a couple of tumbles and near falls. Hyper-sensitive to my steps and environment. Bumping into walls and furniture. On days like today I wear my socks and sneakers. This is best because the shoes aid my mind in believing I am more steady on Earth Mother's surface. God, knows I've had enough falls in my days...
...it's not a natural thing for Folks to up and fall. It just can't be natural.
The sounds of Swamp Land have just invaded my the ear that is OOS, Out Of Sound. The left deaf one. For being one with an ear that is Out Of Sound, this bastard right here sure picks up a lot of damned noise. I simply can not stand the term "audio hallucinations" anymore. I dislike it a lot. I am listening to sounds at this second coming from my Deaf one. I can't explain it.
Today, as bad as I wanted to sleep I avoided permitting myself the opportunity. I must continue to push life to it's fullest. In my Spirit's I have no other choice, you see. I have much life to live and I want to live life to it's fullest. Yes, there are times when those words are easier said than done, but I have seen the hell that accompanies this Meniere's Disease and so far it hasn't killed me yet...
...don't plan on letting it neither. Meniere's is here and it's here to stay. I suspect the bastard's just going to have to adjust to me.
Ciao.
Thinking I will discuss the Meniere's stirring me up plenty today. Am tryig to remain focused and not let my mind drift off into some sort of distraction or another. So please, sit back and read with me what it is I and my body are feeling today.
The Meniere's Disease symptom nausea is heavy in my throat and upper chest this afternoon. The nausea has not become productive. As of yet. The gags and sensations of impending vomit is always present. Just some days are better than others. Today is a day high on the 1 - 10 scale. Hoovering around seven to nine. 10 would be puking my innards out.
There's been a soft "tinging" that comes and goes in my Deaf left ear. Something similar to the sound of a small Tibetan bell when struck by the wooden object. These are not ringing nosies - these are "tinging" sounds. My right HH (Hard of Hearing) ear has had moments of silence several times since yesterday evening. Especially last night. So bad it was all I could do to just lay in bed and listen to the silence in the one good bad ear hole to the brain. It's crazy. There's a roar at present in my Deaf Left - an unexplainable roar. It's so damned loud. Perhaps the sound one would pick up while standing underneath and behind a water fall is the best I can describe.
I am perspiring quite heavy like to be sitting here in an air conditioned lodge. It is mighty hot out of doors, so today I've remained inside. I am uncertain as to whether I should task out there this afternoon. Maybe later, I'm not sure. I do not mind perspiring and or sweating when I'm out of doors on a hot Florida afternoon, but to be in air condition and sweat drips and drops is an all together different subject.
I have been exceptionally goofy with walking about. Stumbles on my own six feet have created a couple of tumbles and near falls. Hyper-sensitive to my steps and environment. Bumping into walls and furniture. On days like today I wear my socks and sneakers. This is best because the shoes aid my mind in believing I am more steady on Earth Mother's surface. God, knows I've had enough falls in my days...
...it's not a natural thing for Folks to up and fall. It just can't be natural.
The sounds of Swamp Land have just invaded my the ear that is OOS, Out Of Sound. The left deaf one. For being one with an ear that is Out Of Sound, this bastard right here sure picks up a lot of damned noise. I simply can not stand the term "audio hallucinations" anymore. I dislike it a lot. I am listening to sounds at this second coming from my Deaf one. I can't explain it.
Today, as bad as I wanted to sleep I avoided permitting myself the opportunity. I must continue to push life to it's fullest. In my Spirit's I have no other choice, you see. I have much life to live and I want to live life to it's fullest. Yes, there are times when those words are easier said than done, but I have seen the hell that accompanies this Meniere's Disease and so far it hasn't killed me yet...
...don't plan on letting it neither. Meniere's is here and it's here to stay. I suspect the bastard's just going to have to adjust to me.
Ciao.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Some Share And Say
Folks,
And now, for something completely different, some timely "Share and Say". Know certainly and do take this for sure, I will be shooting from the hip bones...
...and off I go.
1. I am not a loser.
2. I am a Survivor!
3. I have been a victim.
4. Too too many times in my life.
5. There is a sadness from deep within.
6. My head has been shaved in Honor of my Uncle Bill.
7. I have but one Uncle remaining on my Moms side. He is my Uncle Roy.
8. I love my Uncle Roy. The last of the Story Tellers.
9. My heart is in need of a cleansing.
10. The beat of Earth Mother's heart touches my Soul.
11. Cherokee, calls me home.
12. I miss my dear Old Kindred Spirit and also miss She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee.
13. There are members of my family who through their silence, let me know.
14. So, I know.
15. Blessed am I who have an abundance of Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations.
16. The Voices I hear is this, "Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors".
17. Who would stop to think that Incest happens against one who is a 52 year old man.
18. The 52 year old who feels child like from time to time, is my Child Within.
19. I am embarrassed because of the continuance of sexual perpetration.
20. I am embarrassed to say or share these words. I am ashamed.
21. Karma.
22. I know because I have experienced what Karma taste and smells like.
23. Nearing the completion of three books. Then on to others.
24. I hate Meniere's Disease.
25. Have been in a state of solitude.
This is it for now. I wish all good health, love, peace and more peace.
And now, for something completely different, some timely "Share and Say". Know certainly and do take this for sure, I will be shooting from the hip bones...
...and off I go.
1. I am not a loser.
2. I am a Survivor!
3. I have been a victim.
4. Too too many times in my life.
5. There is a sadness from deep within.
6. My head has been shaved in Honor of my Uncle Bill.
7. I have but one Uncle remaining on my Moms side. He is my Uncle Roy.
8. I love my Uncle Roy. The last of the Story Tellers.
9. My heart is in need of a cleansing.
10. The beat of Earth Mother's heart touches my Soul.
11. Cherokee, calls me home.
12. I miss my dear Old Kindred Spirit and also miss She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee.
13. There are members of my family who through their silence, let me know.
14. So, I know.
15. Blessed am I who have an abundance of Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations.
16. The Voices I hear is this, "Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors".
17. Who would stop to think that Incest happens against one who is a 52 year old man.
18. The 52 year old who feels child like from time to time, is my Child Within.
19. I am embarrassed because of the continuance of sexual perpetration.
20. I am embarrassed to say or share these words. I am ashamed.
21. Karma.
22. I know because I have experienced what Karma taste and smells like.
23. Nearing the completion of three books. Then on to others.
24. I hate Meniere's Disease.
25. Have been in a state of solitude.
This is it for now. I wish all good health, love, peace and more peace.
Sir Dude And The Victim Within
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Alright then, it's time to come out with something. Something that has directed me on a downward cycle and has been festering for many days. I am so very embarrassed by what I am about to share and must say that the victim who dwells within me, has been shamed and not treated with the respect and dignity that I provide the person who perpetrates sexual abuse...
...it doesn't make sense to me why this individual continues to betray my trust and boundaries...
...it does not make any damned sense at all! YET! I had compartmentalized what this person did so well and so tightly and with such a steadfastness, I almost failed to bring this up to Sir Dude during our gathering. When I had the "oh shit!" moment, it was then that I realized that this fucker offended against me yet again. I, rather than yelling it out, hushed and kept myself away from the moment. I was screaming aloud silently...
...while this Elder once again attempted to perpetrate against me. Um, no, he did not attempt, he in fact perpetrated a sex crime against a disabled individual.
GOOD GOD - I AM EXHAUSTED!!! I AM TIRED OF BEING A FUCKING VICTIM!! WHAT IS IT THAT I SAY OR DO MAKES THIS SHIT OKAY IN THE MIND'S OF OTHERS! THIS CAN NOT GO ON ANY LONGER!! GREAT SPIRIT, PLEASE!! A VICTIM IN EVERY PHASE OF MY LIFE?! REALLY?! From childhood to adolescence to my early adulthood, while in the U.S. Army and too many times since...
...too many of these times since are pertaining to this one individual.
As I had shared with Sir Dude earlier, I share with you now, that I have tend towards the compartmentalization of my thoughts, ideas, theories and beliefs. The perfectionist with-in dictates this. Please note that I am a perfectionist directed to self - not the outwards direction. As a victim, I do tend to internalize shit that folks say and or do to me. For example, several days ago, I was insulted by the use of the word "fag", as it was used in the negative. Shortly after I commented about same, a derogatory anti-gay term was directed at me. I tucked it away in the folds of my brains. Things worked out for the positive in the long run, yet the insult lingers.
Then to have this one perpetrate against me again, has been and is having a very negative affect on my self, my esteem and my ego.
How odd I should mention ego, because Sir Dude brought that up during session. I'll follow up on his definition next week. Which is our next scheduled face to face. I have just placed a call to his answering service for a return call. All of the above talk of sexual abuse and victimization has my innards all knotted up.
Sir Dude, thank you. We've come far and yet, I see more to be done. I want to work this with you as my counsel. Again, I thank you and I love you too. I mean, it's like years since you've been my therapist, so that statement makes sense to me. You are the "Sir Dude", ya know?
Alright then, it's time to come out with something. Something that has directed me on a downward cycle and has been festering for many days. I am so very embarrassed by what I am about to share and must say that the victim who dwells within me, has been shamed and not treated with the respect and dignity that I provide the person who perpetrates sexual abuse...
...it doesn't make sense to me why this individual continues to betray my trust and boundaries...
...it does not make any damned sense at all! YET! I had compartmentalized what this person did so well and so tightly and with such a steadfastness, I almost failed to bring this up to Sir Dude during our gathering. When I had the "oh shit!" moment, it was then that I realized that this fucker offended against me yet again. I, rather than yelling it out, hushed and kept myself away from the moment. I was screaming aloud silently...
...while this Elder once again attempted to perpetrate against me. Um, no, he did not attempt, he in fact perpetrated a sex crime against a disabled individual.
GOOD GOD - I AM EXHAUSTED!!! I AM TIRED OF BEING A FUCKING VICTIM!! WHAT IS IT THAT I SAY OR DO MAKES THIS SHIT OKAY IN THE MIND'S OF OTHERS! THIS CAN NOT GO ON ANY LONGER!! GREAT SPIRIT, PLEASE!! A VICTIM IN EVERY PHASE OF MY LIFE?! REALLY?! From childhood to adolescence to my early adulthood, while in the U.S. Army and too many times since...
...too many of these times since are pertaining to this one individual.
As I had shared with Sir Dude earlier, I share with you now, that I have tend towards the compartmentalization of my thoughts, ideas, theories and beliefs. The perfectionist with-in dictates this. Please note that I am a perfectionist directed to self - not the outwards direction. As a victim, I do tend to internalize shit that folks say and or do to me. For example, several days ago, I was insulted by the use of the word "fag", as it was used in the negative. Shortly after I commented about same, a derogatory anti-gay term was directed at me. I tucked it away in the folds of my brains. Things worked out for the positive in the long run, yet the insult lingers.
Then to have this one perpetrate against me again, has been and is having a very negative affect on my self, my esteem and my ego.
How odd I should mention ego, because Sir Dude brought that up during session. I'll follow up on his definition next week. Which is our next scheduled face to face. I have just placed a call to his answering service for a return call. All of the above talk of sexual abuse and victimization has my innards all knotted up.
Sir Dude, thank you. We've come far and yet, I see more to be done. I want to work this with you as my counsel. Again, I thank you and I love you too. I mean, it's like years since you've been my therapist, so that statement makes sense to me. You are the "Sir Dude", ya know?
Prepare For A Visit With Sir Dude
It is 0932 here in Mid-Florida. The morning had brought with it more rain, but it seems to have ended the deluge we've had for several days. I see blue skies headed this way and am Blessed for the rains we've had. It's weird how it is with rain. We pray for it during drought, then when Great Spirit, answers our prayers, we pray for less rain or for the rain to stop. People's, please. If we had a clicker for the weather - we would change seasons with a click. I stand as witness to the times I have heard Folks complain it's too hot in Summer, then come Winter, the same Folks complain it's too cold.
I prepare for a visit with Sir Dude, my therapist. I anticipate the arrival of my brother-in-law and nephew at 1045 for an 1145 appointment. I pray he finds my lodge in a timely way. Today's gathering is an important one for me. Two and one half weeks have passed since I last sat on favorite chair in one of the very few safe places outside of these doors. I say and swear it seems much longer than that in duration. There are topics to discuss and subjects to talk of. Sir Dude, all I ask for is that you be prepared and let us work on these matters as a team.
I miss not being able to drive. I miss the privilege that many I know take for granted. I see how complete strangers also take advantage and play car games with people's lives. Such as driving while intoxicated, or while texting or talking on the cell. I suspect that in the past four years or so much has changed. To include the demeanour with which Folks conduct themselves while behind the wheel of a large and heavy mode of transport. The road rage is maddening and to see the flagrant disrespect is sadly incredible. Even with all of this negative talk, I would still love to drive again someday. I wish.
My plans for later today, weather permitting is to resume gardening. I am still concentrating on the front gardens and suspect the gardens out back are getting quite jealous. They'll have me on my hands and knees within the next few days. No doubt.
Sir Dude, there have been a few things stirred up within. I believe it best that I speak with you. I must remember to bring some tea...
...love, peace and more peace to all.
I prepare for a visit with Sir Dude, my therapist. I anticipate the arrival of my brother-in-law and nephew at 1045 for an 1145 appointment. I pray he finds my lodge in a timely way. Today's gathering is an important one for me. Two and one half weeks have passed since I last sat on favorite chair in one of the very few safe places outside of these doors. I say and swear it seems much longer than that in duration. There are topics to discuss and subjects to talk of. Sir Dude, all I ask for is that you be prepared and let us work on these matters as a team.
I miss not being able to drive. I miss the privilege that many I know take for granted. I see how complete strangers also take advantage and play car games with people's lives. Such as driving while intoxicated, or while texting or talking on the cell. I suspect that in the past four years or so much has changed. To include the demeanour with which Folks conduct themselves while behind the wheel of a large and heavy mode of transport. The road rage is maddening and to see the flagrant disrespect is sadly incredible. Even with all of this negative talk, I would still love to drive again someday. I wish.
My plans for later today, weather permitting is to resume gardening. I am still concentrating on the front gardens and suspect the gardens out back are getting quite jealous. They'll have me on my hands and knees within the next few days. No doubt.
Sir Dude, there have been a few things stirred up within. I believe it best that I speak with you. I must remember to bring some tea...
...love, peace and more peace to all.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
...to my Uncle Bill...
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
I have removed hair from my scalp in honor of my Uncle Bill Wiley. A brother of my dear Mommy, thus a branch of my family tree. I found out days after my Mother's Brother passed away - by a message on the face book, from my first cousin, "Did Linda, (my baby sister) tell you about Uncle Bill?...
...I responded by stating that know she has not and what was the matter?
My Uncle Bill, my dear Mom's brother passed over on 12 July 2012. My dearest wife received the message at 2050 on 12 July 2012 and forgot to tell me. (?) At that very hour, just 1.50 hours earlier, Mom's brother Crossed Over. I mean, that's fucking huge in my eye orb's, you know?
Not my dear wife, nor my dear sister or cousin informed me of Uncle Bill's passing until days later. I mean...
...come on, my dear family.
I am truly not a gimp. I may be gimpy - from time to time, but shit, I have me sense about me.
I have jumped all over the Generation B 4 us and have asked that, God Damn It, NO, DO NOT EXCLUDE me from "family news". I am who I am because of my Family, not inspite of family.
I am and have always been a mixed breed sort. It's my nature, ya see?
But, fucking look, when it come to my Kinfolk, Kindred or Relations, it does not matter what the time of night. I WANT TO KNOW! I DO NOT CARE HOW SICK OR ILL I MAY BE! "Because you were sick", does not fucking work any more. Okaiiiiii?
My Dear Uncle Bill, may your reunion with God, my Mom and your Father and Mother be a truly happy occasion! God Bless, Uncle Bill. You are Heaven bound and will soon reunite with your brothers and sisters!
I love you Uncle Bill!
Your Nephew, Mario
I have removed hair from my scalp in honor of my Uncle Bill Wiley. A brother of my dear Mommy, thus a branch of my family tree. I found out days after my Mother's Brother passed away - by a message on the face book, from my first cousin, "Did Linda, (my baby sister) tell you about Uncle Bill?...
...I responded by stating that know she has not and what was the matter?
My Uncle Bill, my dear Mom's brother passed over on 12 July 2012. My dearest wife received the message at 2050 on 12 July 2012 and forgot to tell me. (?) At that very hour, just 1.50 hours earlier, Mom's brother Crossed Over. I mean, that's fucking huge in my eye orb's, you know?
Not my dear wife, nor my dear sister or cousin informed me of Uncle Bill's passing until days later. I mean...
...come on, my dear family.
I am truly not a gimp. I may be gimpy - from time to time, but shit, I have me sense about me.
I have jumped all over the Generation B 4 us and have asked that, God Damn It, NO, DO NOT EXCLUDE me from "family news". I am who I am because of my Family, not inspite of family.
I am and have always been a mixed breed sort. It's my nature, ya see?
But, fucking look, when it come to my Kinfolk, Kindred or Relations, it does not matter what the time of night. I WANT TO KNOW! I DO NOT CARE HOW SICK OR ILL I MAY BE! "Because you were sick", does not fucking work any more. Okaiiiiii?
My Dear Uncle Bill, may your reunion with God, my Mom and your Father and Mother be a truly happy occasion! God Bless, Uncle Bill. You are Heaven bound and will soon reunite with your brothers and sisters!
I love you Uncle Bill!
Your Nephew, Mario
18 July 2012, I Report
Greetings,
I've had to separate myself from the tasks that occupy my mind from time to time. Those tasks conducted in and out side of my two brains. Please know, I do ask that Folks, pardon my lack of communications the past couple/few days. My health has provided me an opportunity to touch Mother Earth and scratch Her back. Have had the time to touch the plants and trees that grow and live here in this sanctuary I am Blessed to call Home. My Secret Place. My health has also gifted me the desire and strength to adventure out and about. This Monday past I took a walk about to our shop and scoot not too-too far from my front door. If not for so much rain as of late, I may have walked more. I want to walk more and I reckon walking at this time is my run about. This desire to run far and then run some more...
...and having said that, I think that's a pretty damned good thing right there.
Let me share that tasking has been very beneficial for me. I have used these forms of movement as a form of exercise and or the working out sort of thing. There were things that when picked up, it manipulated a certain bunch of my stomach muscles. I, had to go figure. I am safe and maintain a safe sense about myself and yes, I sure as hell still push the envelope. Presently, I continue to the lifting of minor weights and tension weight exercises. The results have been very positive. My body is changing form and am feeling better about myself. Plus, the changing of my complexion is the topping off of a positive direction my compass has been directed.
I've been living the sort of life not lived in too many years, and I miss this something mighty grand. Oh, how I much I do miss this. I sure know that God knows I know that He knows I do.
There is something though that lingers somewhere towards the rear end of my two brain's. Back there where my brains fart and carry on. Back where I anticipate and await the next Meniere's Attack. The place where I sit and argue my cause with this bull shit disease. There's no reasoning with it. Really. I live on MDT. Meniere's Disease Time. Yes, this is a rather negative thing to say, but what other approach I do not know. I simply push life and I push...
...and then, there is always the waiting. The knowing that at any moment the Meniere's Monster is sending my innards into a tornado from within. With this hideous mind bend, I am sent straight into it. From time to time, there will be a certain symptom that announces the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's. Then sometimes there are no symptoms. It's like, "hello, we're home". There isn't a right forward good way to express what I mean to say other than what I have just expressed.
I have nothing else to say.
I've had to separate myself from the tasks that occupy my mind from time to time. Those tasks conducted in and out side of my two brains. Please know, I do ask that Folks, pardon my lack of communications the past couple/few days. My health has provided me an opportunity to touch Mother Earth and scratch Her back. Have had the time to touch the plants and trees that grow and live here in this sanctuary I am Blessed to call Home. My Secret Place. My health has also gifted me the desire and strength to adventure out and about. This Monday past I took a walk about to our shop and scoot not too-too far from my front door. If not for so much rain as of late, I may have walked more. I want to walk more and I reckon walking at this time is my run about. This desire to run far and then run some more...
...and having said that, I think that's a pretty damned good thing right there.
Let me share that tasking has been very beneficial for me. I have used these forms of movement as a form of exercise and or the working out sort of thing. There were things that when picked up, it manipulated a certain bunch of my stomach muscles. I, had to go figure. I am safe and maintain a safe sense about myself and yes, I sure as hell still push the envelope. Presently, I continue to the lifting of minor weights and tension weight exercises. The results have been very positive. My body is changing form and am feeling better about myself. Plus, the changing of my complexion is the topping off of a positive direction my compass has been directed.
I've been living the sort of life not lived in too many years, and I miss this something mighty grand. Oh, how I much I do miss this. I sure know that God knows I know that He knows I do.
There is something though that lingers somewhere towards the rear end of my two brain's. Back there where my brains fart and carry on. Back where I anticipate and await the next Meniere's Attack. The place where I sit and argue my cause with this bull shit disease. There's no reasoning with it. Really. I live on MDT. Meniere's Disease Time. Yes, this is a rather negative thing to say, but what other approach I do not know. I simply push life and I push...
...and then, there is always the waiting. The knowing that at any moment the Meniere's Monster is sending my innards into a tornado from within. With this hideous mind bend, I am sent straight into it. From time to time, there will be a certain symptom that announces the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's. Then sometimes there are no symptoms. It's like, "hello, we're home". There isn't a right forward good way to express what I mean to say other than what I have just expressed.
I have nothing else to say.
Friday, July 13, 2012
With This Post, I Have Surpassed 600 Publications
Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,
I post this simply to report and inform that with this very post I have surpassed six hundred posts since Mid-August 2010, when it was suggested to me by two dear friends of mine...
...this is something that simply blows my mind away. By end of week end, this simple man's blog will have had +11,000 guests. Blessed? Yes, I am Blessed, you see, I am fully aware of just how simple a person I am and can be. Yes, I may be a complicated sort from time to time, but this seems to be only when I permit myself to be placed in the position to conduct myself in such a manner. Life...
...is good.
I would love to thank all of you who read and check up on me. From my Kinfolk, to my Kindred Spirit's, them who are my Brothers and Sisters. Thank you to all! To my Relations across this globe, our Earth Mother. I wish to thank all fellow Meniere's disease affect/effected People's, who have stuck an eye orb in here to see how things are going. I thank the doctors and nurses and all the students who will someday be a doctor, nurse, audio techs, and those studying in the related fields...
...I wish each and every one of you all well.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
I post this simply to report and inform that with this very post I have surpassed six hundred posts since Mid-August 2010, when it was suggested to me by two dear friends of mine...
...this is something that simply blows my mind away. By end of week end, this simple man's blog will have had +11,000 guests. Blessed? Yes, I am Blessed, you see, I am fully aware of just how simple a person I am and can be. Yes, I may be a complicated sort from time to time, but this seems to be only when I permit myself to be placed in the position to conduct myself in such a manner. Life...
...is good.
I would love to thank all of you who read and check up on me. From my Kinfolk, to my Kindred Spirit's, them who are my Brothers and Sisters. Thank you to all! To my Relations across this globe, our Earth Mother. I wish to thank all fellow Meniere's disease affect/effected People's, who have stuck an eye orb in here to see how things are going. I thank the doctors and nurses and all the students who will someday be a doctor, nurse, audio techs, and those studying in the related fields...
...I wish each and every one of you all well.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
An Update: Meniere's And I, Today 13 July 2012
Kin,
I send out this communique to share a bit on how things have gone the past couple of days...
...broke a twenty four fast earlier today. Feel a goodness within my Spirit's.There were no medications over this span of this time. Yes, yes I know, but it was time for a fast. Perhaps even beyond the time to fast.
Meniere's has been unkind, with it's usual rubbish of vomit, dizziness and sounds. Pardon this very next expression please, because this is truly a never ending story. Today is simply a different chapter. A different date.
No, I haven't sat here for long. Signed in twenty or so minutes ago. After breaking fast and catching up with the Tampa Bay Times, which was shortly after my sweet heart left for work, I decided to do some gardening in the front of our lodge and gardened I did, under this wonderful Florida Sunshine. My innards inform me that it was in the high 80's in the Fahrenheit. I see but not yet smell the rain approaching from the East North East. I heard thunder a moment ago. We've hit a Summer time weather pattern here in Central Florida, so if there are things to do, one must do them in the early part of the day or the later part.I enjoy both. Always have enjoyed both.
The symptoms have been odd and I feel dumb founded. Something akin to a hang over minus the booze from the night before. My brains are feeling me today and I am feeling my brains at this very second. The top of my skull aches slightly and is sore to the touch. The cap of dizziness is unpleasant and requires much strict focus, it provides the sensation of having lost some vision or sight. I honestly wonder if this is a side affect. Then we talk next visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Dizziness and the nausea is what aided my decision with the going to sleep yesterday afternoon. I have tasted acidic bile on my tongue and have had productivity pertaining to the vomit. So disgusting the vomiting and the not knowing when is a disgusting aspect of having nausea live within you.
My very special friends, "The Worm Family" have been active and the Spider scurys about my scalp. That's the space between my flesh and the bobble head. Shit? What can I do but humour myself. Oh yes, I have been stirred from sleep because of these sensations...
...just the same as every other freaking symptom that Meniere's perpetrates against my mind and body. Wrecks havoc, it does. I am here simply for the ride. For the bemusement I reckon.
The sounds in my ears have been from one point to another, the variety of usual sound bites. Whatever station the satellite disc on the left side of the head picks up. Today there has been much beep-beep-beeping going on in my ear which is OOS, Out Of Sound. Yes, it has been the Mores Code Kinfolk, with crazy communiques too, but it is such that I must battle and attempt to not listen much. Because I do listen to the sounds often. I mean, that sounds so silly, but I speak with rational. More than not the attempts are failure, but I must give it my best , you see.
It is absolutely necessary to give my damned absolute best every hour of every day. Or I succumb to the sleep and the darkness that I don't want back in my life or on My Path. I just don't know sometimes, because I can smell the Darkness. It's always there.
Enough! Perhaps I return to the garden.
Until then...
I send out this communique to share a bit on how things have gone the past couple of days...
...broke a twenty four fast earlier today. Feel a goodness within my Spirit's.There were no medications over this span of this time. Yes, yes I know, but it was time for a fast. Perhaps even beyond the time to fast.
Meniere's has been unkind, with it's usual rubbish of vomit, dizziness and sounds. Pardon this very next expression please, because this is truly a never ending story. Today is simply a different chapter. A different date.
No, I haven't sat here for long. Signed in twenty or so minutes ago. After breaking fast and catching up with the Tampa Bay Times, which was shortly after my sweet heart left for work, I decided to do some gardening in the front of our lodge and gardened I did, under this wonderful Florida Sunshine. My innards inform me that it was in the high 80's in the Fahrenheit. I see but not yet smell the rain approaching from the East North East. I heard thunder a moment ago. We've hit a Summer time weather pattern here in Central Florida, so if there are things to do, one must do them in the early part of the day or the later part.I enjoy both. Always have enjoyed both.
The symptoms have been odd and I feel dumb founded. Something akin to a hang over minus the booze from the night before. My brains are feeling me today and I am feeling my brains at this very second. The top of my skull aches slightly and is sore to the touch. The cap of dizziness is unpleasant and requires much strict focus, it provides the sensation of having lost some vision or sight. I honestly wonder if this is a side affect. Then we talk next visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Dizziness and the nausea is what aided my decision with the going to sleep yesterday afternoon. I have tasted acidic bile on my tongue and have had productivity pertaining to the vomit. So disgusting the vomiting and the not knowing when is a disgusting aspect of having nausea live within you.
My very special friends, "The Worm Family" have been active and the Spider scurys about my scalp. That's the space between my flesh and the bobble head. Shit? What can I do but humour myself. Oh yes, I have been stirred from sleep because of these sensations...
...just the same as every other freaking symptom that Meniere's perpetrates against my mind and body. Wrecks havoc, it does. I am here simply for the ride. For the bemusement I reckon.
The sounds in my ears have been from one point to another, the variety of usual sound bites. Whatever station the satellite disc on the left side of the head picks up. Today there has been much beep-beep-beeping going on in my ear which is OOS, Out Of Sound. Yes, it has been the Mores Code Kinfolk, with crazy communiques too, but it is such that I must battle and attempt to not listen much. Because I do listen to the sounds often. I mean, that sounds so silly, but I speak with rational. More than not the attempts are failure, but I must give it my best , you see.
It is absolutely necessary to give my damned absolute best every hour of every day. Or I succumb to the sleep and the darkness that I don't want back in my life or on My Path. I just don't know sometimes, because I can smell the Darkness. It's always there.
Enough! Perhaps I return to the garden.
Until then...
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
And Now, If I May, My Deaf Left Ear
Yes, Kind Kinfolk and Kindred,
It is now that I wish to introduce you to my Deaf Left Ear...
...all of the experiences of, about and or pertains to this Deaf Left Ear, is Meniere's related.
My Deaf Left Ear that I listen to - picks up sounds, noises and voices. Every damned day of my life. Every single day of my life. Ever since I had the destruction of my inner ear with a Labyrinth Ectomy (?) and the Vestibular Nerve Section. It has been since I lost my hearing in the left ear, that I have been listening and hearing so much rubbish that it has brought me to the point of manic. I mean, please...
...what am I to say that I have not yet shared. Every once in a while I'll pick up on something new, and listen to it. Or something totally out of the ordinary will occur with-in this Deaf Ear that hears. I had the sounds of many WWII air planes earlier today. Just as clear as day, it sounded as if there was a squadron flying slowing above the Sanctuary and my Lodge. But then, I think there must have been fucking thousands of them up there because I listened for approximately ten minutes. Listening closely and closer as they got closer and positioned right over my roof, then fly off and be away.
At this very moment I listen to the old fashioned water sprinklers. The one that sounds like this, Tish-tish-tish-tish, then it would hit a certain spot and it tishtishtishtish-tish's back to the start. Don't know how long this has been going on because I have been listening to the creatures of mid- night in The Everglades National Park...
...yes, My Great One, the sounds of locusts, frogs, gators, crickets, mosquitoes and all the others that live between these three ears of mine. All aloud and as if in some odd type of competition amongst each other. So damned loud! Right Now!
One of the sounds I get frequently is the sound of Morse Code and the delight in imagining the originator of these cryptic message's. Other's are the sounds of jet planes, trains, 18 wheelers, and air boats. Have heard the sound of a car in my garage today and nope, we do not park in there yet. There have been what I have had to say, are what I can only describe as explosions in my Left Deaf Ear. As if some one blew up an M-80 or shot an impressive side arm...
...just kindly minding my own when out of the blue clear sky's there's a "POW!". I mean, dude.
The sounds of Folks voice's is what startles the Good Right Holy Shit out of me. Random as hell too. I've been in this very seat, tip-tapping away and have been scared out of my very last wit by somebody up and saying something into my Deaf Left Ear. I mean, come on, right? I have had both male and female voices. I have heard conversations in other parts of my Lodge. I have been scared so bad by a sudden shout that I in turn have indeed hollered out loud. It gets bad sometimes Folks! And then, eventually tapers off for a brief respite. Please, my Relations, know and understand that this is no way for any Human Spirit to live. It is inhumane and yes, sometimes it is simply torture. I remember being reprimanded once for screaming out loud at one of my last stores worked. It was so embarrassing because this happened in public. By the way, I still get reprimanded to this very day. By my own Kinfolk. This is not some shit that Folks plan for people. And it sure as shit not funny. Seen.
My Dear Great God, please, please ease this Cross I carry. I am not worthy, my Lord. Please have pity on me, a sinner and ease these noises, sounds and voices from mine Deaf Left Ear.
I do so miss being able to truly listen and or hear with my Deaf one. I remember the sounds of so much music and the voices of Kinfolk, my dear Kindred and all of my Relations.
This really is my life, My Path, in a before and after scenario.
I miss my balance too! So damned badly. I wish to walk with out aid. I want to walk with out fear of falling or stumbling into furniture, walls and merchandise at the stores and markets we frequent. I wish to run! Like Forest Gump kind of run! I want to drive a car again! I don't even have a car anymore.
Please, Kind One's, please.
It is now that I wish to introduce you to my Deaf Left Ear...
...all of the experiences of, about and or pertains to this Deaf Left Ear, is Meniere's related.
My Deaf Left Ear that I listen to - picks up sounds, noises and voices. Every damned day of my life. Every single day of my life. Ever since I had the destruction of my inner ear with a Labyrinth Ectomy (?) and the Vestibular Nerve Section. It has been since I lost my hearing in the left ear, that I have been listening and hearing so much rubbish that it has brought me to the point of manic. I mean, please...
...what am I to say that I have not yet shared. Every once in a while I'll pick up on something new, and listen to it. Or something totally out of the ordinary will occur with-in this Deaf Ear that hears. I had the sounds of many WWII air planes earlier today. Just as clear as day, it sounded as if there was a squadron flying slowing above the Sanctuary and my Lodge. But then, I think there must have been fucking thousands of them up there because I listened for approximately ten minutes. Listening closely and closer as they got closer and positioned right over my roof, then fly off and be away.
At this very moment I listen to the old fashioned water sprinklers. The one that sounds like this, Tish-tish-tish-tish, then it would hit a certain spot and it tishtishtishtish-tish's back to the start. Don't know how long this has been going on because I have been listening to the creatures of mid- night in The Everglades National Park...
...yes, My Great One, the sounds of locusts, frogs, gators, crickets, mosquitoes and all the others that live between these three ears of mine. All aloud and as if in some odd type of competition amongst each other. So damned loud! Right Now!
One of the sounds I get frequently is the sound of Morse Code and the delight in imagining the originator of these cryptic message's. Other's are the sounds of jet planes, trains, 18 wheelers, and air boats. Have heard the sound of a car in my garage today and nope, we do not park in there yet. There have been what I have had to say, are what I can only describe as explosions in my Left Deaf Ear. As if some one blew up an M-80 or shot an impressive side arm...
...just kindly minding my own when out of the blue clear sky's there's a "POW!". I mean, dude.
The sounds of Folks voice's is what startles the Good Right Holy Shit out of me. Random as hell too. I've been in this very seat, tip-tapping away and have been scared out of my very last wit by somebody up and saying something into my Deaf Left Ear. I mean, come on, right? I have had both male and female voices. I have heard conversations in other parts of my Lodge. I have been scared so bad by a sudden shout that I in turn have indeed hollered out loud. It gets bad sometimes Folks! And then, eventually tapers off for a brief respite. Please, my Relations, know and understand that this is no way for any Human Spirit to live. It is inhumane and yes, sometimes it is simply torture. I remember being reprimanded once for screaming out loud at one of my last stores worked. It was so embarrassing because this happened in public. By the way, I still get reprimanded to this very day. By my own Kinfolk. This is not some shit that Folks plan for people. And it sure as shit not funny. Seen.
My Dear Great God, please, please ease this Cross I carry. I am not worthy, my Lord. Please have pity on me, a sinner and ease these noises, sounds and voices from mine Deaf Left Ear.
I do so miss being able to truly listen and or hear with my Deaf one. I remember the sounds of so much music and the voices of Kinfolk, my dear Kindred and all of my Relations.
This really is my life, My Path, in a before and after scenario.
I miss my balance too! So damned badly. I wish to walk with out aid. I want to walk with out fear of falling or stumbling into furniture, walls and merchandise at the stores and markets we frequent. I wish to run! Like Forest Gump kind of run! I want to drive a car again! I don't even have a car anymore.
Please, Kind One's, please.
Time To Talk About Meniere's A Minute
Kinfolk,
Have been awake plus twenty four hours. Tried to sleep with negative results. Was able to relax and lay in the dark to watch the shadows of a flickering flame bounce about the room.
When this happens I sometimes get twisted and knotted up. Yesterday became today but there wasn't an official change of the guards. It's like my mind hasn't the controls I am accustomed to having. It's as if two days became one.
The Meniere's attack I had the other day is still playing mind games. Had an asthma attack in the midst of the night and it stirred the meniere's good and plenty. Yes, Friends, I am exhausted. My body, from my lower back to my wrists ache and are sore. I just can't sleep right now.
The worms and the sharp stabbing pains that strike and go have been troubling. There has been two spiders rush across my scalp this morning. I am perspiring about my skull and neck.
Am dizzy. Dizzy times too many. I am nauseated. Bad. The nausea had my throat in it's grasp so tightly I ended up tasting my break fast twice.
The sounds and noises played a HUGE roll in my lack of sleep last night. What the hell was I to do? I don't want to go through coming up with a list of these bastard noises. So, rather than be tortured - as I have permitted countless amount of evenings before - I got up and worked on a piece of art and craft. Brenda, does not like it when I "pull an all nighter" as she puts it...
...look, I learned not too long ago - to let go. And Let God. Sometimes I can work it. Sometimes no. Who am I to ask Great Spirit any questions?
Life goes on...
Have been awake plus twenty four hours. Tried to sleep with negative results. Was able to relax and lay in the dark to watch the shadows of a flickering flame bounce about the room.
When this happens I sometimes get twisted and knotted up. Yesterday became today but there wasn't an official change of the guards. It's like my mind hasn't the controls I am accustomed to having. It's as if two days became one.
The Meniere's attack I had the other day is still playing mind games. Had an asthma attack in the midst of the night and it stirred the meniere's good and plenty. Yes, Friends, I am exhausted. My body, from my lower back to my wrists ache and are sore. I just can't sleep right now.
The worms and the sharp stabbing pains that strike and go have been troubling. There has been two spiders rush across my scalp this morning. I am perspiring about my skull and neck.
Am dizzy. Dizzy times too many. I am nauseated. Bad. The nausea had my throat in it's grasp so tightly I ended up tasting my break fast twice.
The sounds and noises played a HUGE roll in my lack of sleep last night. What the hell was I to do? I don't want to go through coming up with a list of these bastard noises. So, rather than be tortured - as I have permitted countless amount of evenings before - I got up and worked on a piece of art and craft. Brenda, does not like it when I "pull an all nighter" as she puts it...
...look, I learned not too long ago - to let go. And Let God. Sometimes I can work it. Sometimes no. Who am I to ask Great Spirit any questions?
Life goes on...
Mambazo, Ladysmith Black
My Dearest Relations,
I share with you and your ear holes to the brain, from South Africa, Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
It pleases me to know that my dear daughters were raised up listening to this fantastic group and their music...
...what benefits!
Love, peace and peace. Me.
From A Journal: 15 And 16 October 2009
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Thought I would give it a go....
...15 Oct. 2009...
Eventually...
...16 Oct. 2009...
...and much sooner than later I will be a deaf person...
...and it will be "friends" that will betray me. As sure as the Sun sets in the West.
These are the one's to sabotage my job. (@ Starbucks Coffee Company) Because being Deaf does not satisfy job description requirement's.
For now I remain silent.
*******************************************************************************
That's incredible! So deep too. I will do more some other time. Peace, you all.
Thought I would give it a go....
...15 Oct. 2009...
Eventually...
...16 Oct. 2009...
...and much sooner than later I will be a deaf person...
...and it will be "friends" that will betray me. As sure as the Sun sets in the West.
These are the one's to sabotage my job. (@ Starbucks Coffee Company) Because being Deaf does not satisfy job description requirement's.
For now I remain silent.
*******************************************************************************
That's incredible! So deep too. I will do more some other time. Peace, you all.
I Would Like To Try Something New, Old Journal Entry's
Kind Kin,
Good Morning and soon to be Good Tea...
There is something new I would like to give a try. That being the taking of an old journal entry, with date and description or any thing else I may have attached to that particular page and transfer this information to the blog.
Prior to sharing My Path on this blog, I had for the most part of the past twenty years placed my thoughts, utterances, prayers, battles and The-All-Of-Life on paper. When one journal ran out of pages - I simply began a new one. I still journal. There's something special with the relationship between pen, paper and I. I hope Folks will understand what I am doing and where I am heading...
...this is like reaching back into time and transferring what ever it was I was thinking and or doing back then and share with you. In my journals I was wide open with the communications. Meaning, I had no need for edits or censor. So as I pick one out randomly - I will transfer word for word what was written. No edits. No Censor...
...wide open. Like the space between my ears. Meniere's.
Relations, if you think this is a cool idea, let me know please. I am excited about this, having considered it for quite some time. I won't do these too often, maybe once every couple or three weeks or so. Now that I think about it, I'll base my final decision on how well these re-visits go. Think I will title them, "From A Journal" and will post the date as mentioned earlier.
To begin, then...
...12 September 2009
I think sometimes we occupy our selves, our thoughts and emotions with such mind clutter that we forget to consider the most important of topics. Like my health or my own well being...
...rush, rush, rush...
...think, think, think...
...then we die.
It's crazy how life just ever so naturally goes right on by. Oh, my life!
Good Morning and soon to be Good Tea...
There is something new I would like to give a try. That being the taking of an old journal entry, with date and description or any thing else I may have attached to that particular page and transfer this information to the blog.
Prior to sharing My Path on this blog, I had for the most part of the past twenty years placed my thoughts, utterances, prayers, battles and The-All-Of-Life on paper. When one journal ran out of pages - I simply began a new one. I still journal. There's something special with the relationship between pen, paper and I. I hope Folks will understand what I am doing and where I am heading...
...this is like reaching back into time and transferring what ever it was I was thinking and or doing back then and share with you. In my journals I was wide open with the communications. Meaning, I had no need for edits or censor. So as I pick one out randomly - I will transfer word for word what was written. No edits. No Censor...
...wide open. Like the space between my ears. Meniere's.
Relations, if you think this is a cool idea, let me know please. I am excited about this, having considered it for quite some time. I won't do these too often, maybe once every couple or three weeks or so. Now that I think about it, I'll base my final decision on how well these re-visits go. Think I will title them, "From A Journal" and will post the date as mentioned earlier.
To begin, then...
...12 September 2009
I think sometimes we occupy our selves, our thoughts and emotions with such mind clutter that we forget to consider the most important of topics. Like my health or my own well being...
...rush, rush, rush...
...think, think, think...
...then we die.
It's crazy how life just ever so naturally goes right on by. Oh, my life!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
How 'bout Share And Say Time?
Kin,
It has been so too long since the last Share and Say. Today is 10 July 2012. It is 1745...
...so let me a loose and here we go. Shooting from the hips....
1. I am missing Cherokee very much.
2. I am missing the Smokie Mountains too.
3. Time comes soon for me to "bust out".
4. How is it that I am a 52 year old and still permit others to perpetrate against me?
5. Why is that I still freeze up inside? IDK.
6. Tunnel vision has been a friend every once in a while.
7. I dislike freezing up like that.
8. Yes, I still hate Custer. Always have - always will..
9. I have listened to Earth Mother.
10. Have listened to Her deep mournful groans.
11. Earth Mom, has grown weary of the Human Kind.
12. I am Human Kind.
13. It saddens me when I see the mass destruction of beautiful Mother Earth Land.
14. Really saddens me. So much so - this has invaded my Dream World.
15. Same Dream World invaded by fucking horrible night mares.
16. To this day. Still I have the nightmares.
17. And the Flash Backs!
18. Smells and scents are are memories too.
19. Some trigger's shit to happen in my heart.
20. YES, I am a survivor, but I am Human Spirit too.
21. I love the flower's that grow wild along the I-10.
22. I love the Ocala National Forest.
23. I have lost much weight since the last Share and Say.
24. I had awesome visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, today.
25. I kindly ask that Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's, kindly kiss my ass.
Look, I am not going back to edit. Spell check, hell yes - but then straight to publish.
Pinky Promise.
...bit of a roller coater ride there too. No edits...
...love, peace and more peace to all!
It has been so too long since the last Share and Say. Today is 10 July 2012. It is 1745...
...so let me a loose and here we go. Shooting from the hips....
1. I am missing Cherokee very much.
2. I am missing the Smokie Mountains too.
3. Time comes soon for me to "bust out".
4. How is it that I am a 52 year old and still permit others to perpetrate against me?
5. Why is that I still freeze up inside? IDK.
6. Tunnel vision has been a friend every once in a while.
7. I dislike freezing up like that.
8. Yes, I still hate Custer. Always have - always will..
9. I have listened to Earth Mother.
10. Have listened to Her deep mournful groans.
11. Earth Mom, has grown weary of the Human Kind.
12. I am Human Kind.
13. It saddens me when I see the mass destruction of beautiful Mother Earth Land.
14. Really saddens me. So much so - this has invaded my Dream World.
15. Same Dream World invaded by fucking horrible night mares.
16. To this day. Still I have the nightmares.
17. And the Flash Backs!
18. Smells and scents are are memories too.
19. Some trigger's shit to happen in my heart.
20. YES, I am a survivor, but I am Human Spirit too.
21. I love the flower's that grow wild along the I-10.
22. I love the Ocala National Forest.
23. I have lost much weight since the last Share and Say.
24. I had awesome visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, today.
25. I kindly ask that Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's, kindly kiss my ass.
Look, I am not going back to edit. Spell check, hell yes - but then straight to publish.
Pinky Promise.
...bit of a roller coater ride there too. No edits...
...love, peace and more peace to all!
Had An Excellent Face-To-Face With He-Who-Touched-My-Brain
Kin,
Good Afternoon. Am home shortly from visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. An awesome visit! Doc was so very pleased with the way that once damned dreadful wound is healing. This of course permits me to be happy too. He saw where there is still a small area that has yet to seal the skin of my skull together...
...maybe fractions of an inch remains unhealed and is open. The remainder of the wound is so absolutely gorgeous! I love the way this wound looks. So pretty and pink and I can see where every one of those five stitches were placed. Brilliant!
It is no longer necessary to place any medical ointments onto the wound, although, I am to continue wearing the silicone disc in the night. When He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, asked me about the use of my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, I shared the alarm I have of the slips I've had attempting to place my processor onto the abutment. Which hurts so damned badly and my fear of re-opening the wound where I've hit it. Doc, asked me to try putting my silicone disc on first. For a while...
...Yep...
...as I look back on those words he shared I say to myself, "Duuuuuuude, really?". Then am calmed by the reminder He is the doctor and I am the patient. He went to university to become a doctor. Me not so. But wasn't that some simple-ass-schtuff right there?! Ha!
All of his staff are so caring, polite and loving to me. As He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Today, I shared with him my love and respect. I am so blessed to have had our Path's cross all those years ago.
Yes, Blessed. Thank you, Great Spirit! Bless my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and please bless his hands. Bless his family at home and bless his family at the clinic. There are so many Kindred in that massive 6th floor that I love. So many - too many to name. What Care!
Evon, my sister, I wish you well with the birth of your new baby. May God bless you, your brand new baby and Lil' Rog. Big Rog too. I pray and shall pray with ceremony for your health and the health of your new born. I love you, Sis. Please, please, please do as your doctor says do. I ask that you follow what you practice. It is now your turn to be a patient for a brief spell. Be kind to yourself. With much respect I do share my love with you. You are such an awesome Spirit, Evon. Thank you!
I've nothing else to say.
Good Afternoon. Am home shortly from visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. An awesome visit! Doc was so very pleased with the way that once damned dreadful wound is healing. This of course permits me to be happy too. He saw where there is still a small area that has yet to seal the skin of my skull together...
...maybe fractions of an inch remains unhealed and is open. The remainder of the wound is so absolutely gorgeous! I love the way this wound looks. So pretty and pink and I can see where every one of those five stitches were placed. Brilliant!
It is no longer necessary to place any medical ointments onto the wound, although, I am to continue wearing the silicone disc in the night. When He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, asked me about the use of my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, I shared the alarm I have of the slips I've had attempting to place my processor onto the abutment. Which hurts so damned badly and my fear of re-opening the wound where I've hit it. Doc, asked me to try putting my silicone disc on first. For a while...
...Yep...
...as I look back on those words he shared I say to myself, "Duuuuuuude, really?". Then am calmed by the reminder He is the doctor and I am the patient. He went to university to become a doctor. Me not so. But wasn't that some simple-ass-schtuff right there?! Ha!
All of his staff are so caring, polite and loving to me. As He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Today, I shared with him my love and respect. I am so blessed to have had our Path's cross all those years ago.
Yes, Blessed. Thank you, Great Spirit! Bless my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and please bless his hands. Bless his family at home and bless his family at the clinic. There are so many Kindred in that massive 6th floor that I love. So many - too many to name. What Care!
Evon, my sister, I wish you well with the birth of your new baby. May God bless you, your brand new baby and Lil' Rog. Big Rog too. I pray and shall pray with ceremony for your health and the health of your new born. I love you, Sis. Please, please, please do as your doctor says do. I ask that you follow what you practice. It is now your turn to be a patient for a brief spell. Be kind to yourself. With much respect I do share my love with you. You are such an awesome Spirit, Evon. Thank you!
I've nothing else to say.
Monday, July 9, 2012
I Am Here
Kin,
Sending out an F.Y.I. Or if I wanted to go old school, I'm sending out an S.O.S! Folks, I am here!
Am not planning on going any where. Not that I know of. May be soon going down to Fort Myers, Florida, to spend time with Kinfolk. Don't Know yet. This Meniere's keeps me quite often.
I want to take a train to Flowery Branch, Georgia. Hang about with Kindred for a while. Learn. Listen. I would love to get up there in the Georgia North East. Also plan on taking a train to Valdosta, Georgia before long. That's down in the South East parts of Georgia. My Kid Sister has a sofa where I could rest my skull for a few days. Maybe hit Valdosta on my way back here. Brilliant idea! I like that idea. I like it alot.
I have my nephew and niece in Miami. Minutes from the Everglades. They have a room and bed waiting for me. I would love to train it down to Miami for a get-my-ass-up-and-get-away.
BUT, Kin, this is all fantasy! It's all Dream World stuff! I mean, damn it! I am tired of being lonely! I love my lodge and I love our property and surrounding area. Yes! Yes! Yes! But damn it! A fellow like me is not in good ways when cooped up like a rooster who yearns to be out in the yard. I am unable to afford such luxuries anyway, anyhow. Disability you see. Wishing, I say.
This past week end was an incredible one indeed. Great Kindred gathering and very nice and wonderful family gathering on Friday evening and Saturday. Sunday, home with Mima.
I do not drive. I can not drive. Shit, I can't even ride a trike! Have been working on the walk abouts. Pushing it. Forced Focus! I continue to do physical exercises. As taught by P.T., light weights and good old fashioned basic exercises that do not require to much head movement...
...I do this alone.
I look in my mirror and see the changes before me. I am here.
if you need someone to talk to, I am here.
If and when you go to market or are near by - give this fellow a call and maybe stop by for a talk and maybe some tea. If you would like. Know that I am here.
When YOU promise me something AND do not oblige - KNOW THIS...
...I am here...
...enough said.
Sending out an F.Y.I. Or if I wanted to go old school, I'm sending out an S.O.S! Folks, I am here!
Am not planning on going any where. Not that I know of. May be soon going down to Fort Myers, Florida, to spend time with Kinfolk. Don't Know yet. This Meniere's keeps me quite often.
I want to take a train to Flowery Branch, Georgia. Hang about with Kindred for a while. Learn. Listen. I would love to get up there in the Georgia North East. Also plan on taking a train to Valdosta, Georgia before long. That's down in the South East parts of Georgia. My Kid Sister has a sofa where I could rest my skull for a few days. Maybe hit Valdosta on my way back here. Brilliant idea! I like that idea. I like it alot.
I have my nephew and niece in Miami. Minutes from the Everglades. They have a room and bed waiting for me. I would love to train it down to Miami for a get-my-ass-up-and-get-away.
BUT, Kin, this is all fantasy! It's all Dream World stuff! I mean, damn it! I am tired of being lonely! I love my lodge and I love our property and surrounding area. Yes! Yes! Yes! But damn it! A fellow like me is not in good ways when cooped up like a rooster who yearns to be out in the yard. I am unable to afford such luxuries anyway, anyhow. Disability you see. Wishing, I say.
This past week end was an incredible one indeed. Great Kindred gathering and very nice and wonderful family gathering on Friday evening and Saturday. Sunday, home with Mima.
I do not drive. I can not drive. Shit, I can't even ride a trike! Have been working on the walk abouts. Pushing it. Forced Focus! I continue to do physical exercises. As taught by P.T., light weights and good old fashioned basic exercises that do not require to much head movement...
...I do this alone.
I look in my mirror and see the changes before me. I am here.
if you need someone to talk to, I am here.
If and when you go to market or are near by - give this fellow a call and maybe stop by for a talk and maybe some tea. If you would like. Know that I am here.
When YOU promise me something AND do not oblige - KNOW THIS...
...I am here...
...enough said.
Bob Marley - One Love
Sweet video...........
.....this is as I remember Mr. Bob Marley. He practiced what he talked.
Sir, I miss you!
I think to myself.............
Meniere's Disease, I Was Visited By A Spirit Woman, I Heard Her Voice
Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,
Good Afternoon.
I wish to share something with those I am able and permitted to talk. It is personal and this cuts deep. You see, I had a Spirit Woman , call out to me earlier today. It was during a fantastic electrical storm. She with raised voice called out, "B`jou". As clear as I see these letters on the key board, One called out loud into my Deaf Left ear. I must find definition of this B`jou.
I may sometimes be ignorant of some things, what I am not ignorant of, is the difference between the noises, sounds and "ALL" of the what-ever's I might hear and listen to between these three ears.
I am embarrassed to report that I asked the Spirit Woman to be off and away.
Simple process, you see? I just was not in the mood to listen to my Spirit Woman friend at that precise moment in time. She was so clear, her voice too beautiful. Too loud in my Deaf Left Ear.
I don't know why I freaked out and shooed a Spirit along. I am guilty in my heart, but I do say that I just couldn't have this connection. No, not right then. She scared the piss out of me! HA!
Yes, Kin, I do hear Voices. Along with every other fuckin' sound and noise that lives in me. Yes, Kin my therapist and my psychiatrist knows too. So does He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. So does my She-Who-Walks-Tall. There are too many times I ask her, "do you hear that Babe" and the response is usually always no. My sisters - the same. My daughter's the same.
So often I feel alienated. Separated by others because of meniere's, it's symptoms and rubbish. I suppose some Folks find me freakish. I am a Freak, just not in that way. Seen. My heart goes heavy and sad with the separations between Kinfolk and Kindred. I am not a freak, ya know.
Jimmy, my Life Long Best Good Friend, I am not "mad", my brother. I am not insane. I believe there are times and moments when I am too damned sane. These are symptoms of this bull shit disease named Meniere's. I am still me. Just with a twist. Seen...
...my dearest Great Spirit, is aware of these peculiar issues. I am okay with these noises and sounds and voices sometimes. God has made me this so - so I go on. There are times where and when I will entertain myself by listening to what's happening in the Bobble Head. I mean, really. What can you do? What can One do? What am I to do, but ask on bended knee, please, my dear Brethren, my Kindred, DO NOT JUDGE ME. Can you feel me?
I am a simple fellow with a complicated disease. I push. When I tire, I push harder. If part of this disease is what goes on in my brains, I must live my life and walk My Path, "as is". Life.
Good Afternoon.
I wish to share something with those I am able and permitted to talk. It is personal and this cuts deep. You see, I had a Spirit Woman , call out to me earlier today. It was during a fantastic electrical storm. She with raised voice called out, "B`jou". As clear as I see these letters on the key board, One called out loud into my Deaf Left ear. I must find definition of this B`jou.
I may sometimes be ignorant of some things, what I am not ignorant of, is the difference between the noises, sounds and "ALL" of the what-ever's I might hear and listen to between these three ears.
I am embarrassed to report that I asked the Spirit Woman to be off and away.
Simple process, you see? I just was not in the mood to listen to my Spirit Woman friend at that precise moment in time. She was so clear, her voice too beautiful. Too loud in my Deaf Left Ear.
I don't know why I freaked out and shooed a Spirit along. I am guilty in my heart, but I do say that I just couldn't have this connection. No, not right then. She scared the piss out of me! HA!
Yes, Kin, I do hear Voices. Along with every other fuckin' sound and noise that lives in me. Yes, Kin my therapist and my psychiatrist knows too. So does He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. So does my She-Who-Walks-Tall. There are too many times I ask her, "do you hear that Babe" and the response is usually always no. My sisters - the same. My daughter's the same.
So often I feel alienated. Separated by others because of meniere's, it's symptoms and rubbish. I suppose some Folks find me freakish. I am a Freak, just not in that way. Seen. My heart goes heavy and sad with the separations between Kinfolk and Kindred. I am not a freak, ya know.
Jimmy, my Life Long Best Good Friend, I am not "mad", my brother. I am not insane. I believe there are times and moments when I am too damned sane. These are symptoms of this bull shit disease named Meniere's. I am still me. Just with a twist. Seen...
...my dearest Great Spirit, is aware of these peculiar issues. I am okay with these noises and sounds and voices sometimes. God has made me this so - so I go on. There are times where and when I will entertain myself by listening to what's happening in the Bobble Head. I mean, really. What can you do? What can One do? What am I to do, but ask on bended knee, please, my dear Brethren, my Kindred, DO NOT JUDGE ME. Can you feel me?
I am a simple fellow with a complicated disease. I push. When I tire, I push harder. If part of this disease is what goes on in my brains, I must live my life and walk My Path, "as is". Life.
Psychosis: Diagnosis, "Phobiatastic Lightening Scaredish Madness"
Kin, Good afternoon,
Just a brief holla out to let one and all know that I survived this afternoons monsoon. Whew! Torrential rain for well over an hour, lightening and thunder, and heavy winds. Scaring me and my hounds. I mean it was terrific, but damn it, it sure did have me anxious for quite a spell right there. I closed the blinds and front door so we wouldn't see the flashes of lightening. Ha! It was as if God was using a Polaroid camera with flash attached. Made not a difference...
...it was like, "flash" - then *BAM*! Rather than sit around like a fraidy cat, I tasked inside the Lodge. Once She-Who-Walks-Tall informed me of storms in Saint Petersburg, I knew it was a matter of time before it (the storm), arrived for afternoon tea. Damn! What an experience! Shit!
Wait. This isn't one of those "as you grow elder thing's?" Oh, naw Boo. I can't have that. I ain't got time for this! I've got bronchitis too! Hep me from myself somebody. Eileen, tell me this ain't so.
Oh, Hell NO! Another Psychosis! One that I will very truly learn to deal and work it to Deaf. ...
...diagnosis is "Phobiatastic Lightening Scaredish Madness". There's brief moments of insanity. Brief moments of clarity. Sudden and brief moments of Serenity...
...oh yes, my mind was and had to be very occupied and forced to maintain a focus and did very well by the simple tasks I preformed. Enough to break out in one of those fantastic sweats. Like where there's no need to wear a shirt sweats kind of sweat. Then to combine this with an "easy" Meniere's Attack, I was awkward and too clumsy, but I maintained a forced focus on what I was doing as I walked and tasked. I'm so silly, I didn't task that hard. Though I do try. I push it and I push. I'm thinking the heavy sweats were from the meniere's.
The hounds sleep and are resting now. As for I and I, I am able to turn the computer back on and connect with Kindred. I think I needed to have the strong feeling of connection. Seen. Just a spell to share...
...share love, peace and more peace, Mario
Just a brief holla out to let one and all know that I survived this afternoons monsoon. Whew! Torrential rain for well over an hour, lightening and thunder, and heavy winds. Scaring me and my hounds. I mean it was terrific, but damn it, it sure did have me anxious for quite a spell right there. I closed the blinds and front door so we wouldn't see the flashes of lightening. Ha! It was as if God was using a Polaroid camera with flash attached. Made not a difference...
...it was like, "flash" - then *BAM*! Rather than sit around like a fraidy cat, I tasked inside the Lodge. Once She-Who-Walks-Tall informed me of storms in Saint Petersburg, I knew it was a matter of time before it (the storm), arrived for afternoon tea. Damn! What an experience! Shit!
Wait. This isn't one of those "as you grow elder thing's?" Oh, naw Boo. I can't have that. I ain't got time for this! I've got bronchitis too! Hep me from myself somebody. Eileen, tell me this ain't so.
Oh, Hell NO! Another Psychosis! One that I will very truly learn to deal and work it to Deaf. ...
...diagnosis is "Phobiatastic Lightening Scaredish Madness". There's brief moments of insanity. Brief moments of clarity. Sudden and brief moments of Serenity...
...oh yes, my mind was and had to be very occupied and forced to maintain a focus and did very well by the simple tasks I preformed. Enough to break out in one of those fantastic sweats. Like where there's no need to wear a shirt sweats kind of sweat. Then to combine this with an "easy" Meniere's Attack, I was awkward and too clumsy, but I maintained a forced focus on what I was doing as I walked and tasked. I'm so silly, I didn't task that hard. Though I do try. I push it and I push. I'm thinking the heavy sweats were from the meniere's.
The hounds sleep and are resting now. As for I and I, I am able to turn the computer back on and connect with Kindred. I think I needed to have the strong feeling of connection. Seen. Just a spell to share...
...share love, peace and more peace, Mario
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Thank You's Owed to Bubba, Tong Tong, Dione, Timm, Linda, my Bil, Ana, Margarita and My Brenda
Dearest kinfolk, Kindred and All relations,
I am happy to report that these past three days have been absolutely fantastic for the social activity part of my Better Health Care. I have had plenty time to rest and today, plenty time to sleep.
I first wish to thank my dear friends Dione and Timm, for spending a few hours with me on Friday afternoon. Had such wonderful talk - some time serious talk too. The whole "Show Me Your Papers" shit! I hate it! It reminds me too much of what we all could have been "over" so long ago. I would rather not get into specifics but we all have our own opinions. Although, really, this is the year 2012 and we're asking for peoples paper's. Seen. It makes me sick. Too much "big brother" - too reminiscent of Nazisms...
...oops. Got carried away there. We did have a sweet and pleasant afternoon's visit. Very much laughter, which is such awesome free medicine for me. Am considering an opportunity to see Mr. Chris Tucker in show. I would love that. I would love that a lot. Yes, may have to pay, but damn it, if I don't love me some Chris Tucker.
A short hour or two later my baby sister, my BIL and my Boy's, Bubba and Tong tong came over for a pizza party and Friday Night Movie at Tio and Tia's place. Too much fun! We watched Red Tails. A fantastic motion picture and a fantastic time with my nephews, sister and Bil. Thanks you all for such a fantastic evening! And yes, we will do this "more oftener" as my Bubba said.
On Saturday, my sister Ana, came over and spent a chunk of the day with us. Did a minor shop, here and there, had an excellent dinner and had good talks and laughter. Rode out another late Florida afternoon storm. Seen. I also want to thank my sister Margarita for the lovely package and gifts. Rosie, if only you knew how much you touched my Spirit's. Thanks, my dear Rosie.
Today's Sunday and the wife and I have had much time to rest and sleep. We did launder but that took minutes. The Meniere's began kicking ass earlier - so I slept in one of my safe places and am still dealing with the symptoms. It is necessary to shut down now...
...before I do I, wish to share my thanks and gratitude with my Bride. I love you Kid!
To every person, that has touched my heart, Spirit's and energy. To those who crossed my Path, I thank you. Every and each one of you have been an excellent source of energy and awesome free medicine for me with all the laughter!
I love each and every one of you!
I am happy to report that these past three days have been absolutely fantastic for the social activity part of my Better Health Care. I have had plenty time to rest and today, plenty time to sleep.
I first wish to thank my dear friends Dione and Timm, for spending a few hours with me on Friday afternoon. Had such wonderful talk - some time serious talk too. The whole "Show Me Your Papers" shit! I hate it! It reminds me too much of what we all could have been "over" so long ago. I would rather not get into specifics but we all have our own opinions. Although, really, this is the year 2012 and we're asking for peoples paper's. Seen. It makes me sick. Too much "big brother" - too reminiscent of Nazisms...
...oops. Got carried away there. We did have a sweet and pleasant afternoon's visit. Very much laughter, which is such awesome free medicine for me. Am considering an opportunity to see Mr. Chris Tucker in show. I would love that. I would love that a lot. Yes, may have to pay, but damn it, if I don't love me some Chris Tucker.
A short hour or two later my baby sister, my BIL and my Boy's, Bubba and Tong tong came over for a pizza party and Friday Night Movie at Tio and Tia's place. Too much fun! We watched Red Tails. A fantastic motion picture and a fantastic time with my nephews, sister and Bil. Thanks you all for such a fantastic evening! And yes, we will do this "more oftener" as my Bubba said.
On Saturday, my sister Ana, came over and spent a chunk of the day with us. Did a minor shop, here and there, had an excellent dinner and had good talks and laughter. Rode out another late Florida afternoon storm. Seen. I also want to thank my sister Margarita for the lovely package and gifts. Rosie, if only you knew how much you touched my Spirit's. Thanks, my dear Rosie.
Today's Sunday and the wife and I have had much time to rest and sleep. We did launder but that took minutes. The Meniere's began kicking ass earlier - so I slept in one of my safe places and am still dealing with the symptoms. It is necessary to shut down now...
...before I do I, wish to share my thanks and gratitude with my Bride. I love you Kid!
To every person, that has touched my heart, Spirit's and energy. To those who crossed my Path, I thank you. Every and each one of you have been an excellent source of energy and awesome free medicine for me with all the laughter!
I love each and every one of you!
Pyschosis: On-Set Arachnophobia, I Silently Scream
Kindest Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,
I send this communique via the blog due to reasons beyond my manner of thinking. This is something I share simply, because I must. I begin to share this diagnosis with you now...
...this is On-Set Arachnophobia.
I have never been afraid of spiders in my life. As a boy I would collect God, only knows what species in empty jars with holes on the lid. I would feed them flies and bugs. When the Spiders made their Spider sacs, I kept them safe and released them when the babies bust through. I have always gone out of my way to keep from walking on my fellow Earth Mates on side walks and have gone to dangerous length's to save turtles crossing busy streets. Oh yes, even know this, my first pet as a married dude was a tarantula. His name was Spidy Baby. So damned cool he was and I report that summa bitch was huge and hairy and had a fantastic appetite. Bless his heart...
...came home form work one day and the ole boy had crossed over. I say no more, say no more.
The today is 09 July 2012, and this brand-damned-new-psychosis is one born from my daughter's bath. Also know as the Guest Bath, the spare bath, etc...
...well?
I report that my Daughter's Bath has a "Spider Portal", one from the Center's of This Earth Mother. Oh My God, Spiders so huge, larger than small doves - they have made my dear bride and daughter's scream like girl's! And I, Scream Silently in my brains. Both halves! Scream War Path Screams! And I kill them as quickly and quietly as possible. Spray, fly swat, rolled up news paper, flop-flip, sneaker or shoe. There's a Spider Portal, I tell you.
It is all out "war" on this invader from the out of doors. I've grown exhausted from their visits.
Them and their neighbours the extraordinary "Fabulous Flying Florida Palmetto Bugs". Palmetto Bug, please, that's a fancy title for such a huge freaking and flying ugly ass cock-roach!
Good-Goodness-My-Good-God! I have gone scared and am killing more insects in last two weeks than the past three years. Po critters search for shelter from the Tropical Storm, and the Thunder Storms, and the rain and showers here on the outter sub-tropics.
They are to go to my neighbours house. They need to move out of this Lodge. That's all.
Child please...
...no, really.
God, save us all!
I send this communique via the blog due to reasons beyond my manner of thinking. This is something I share simply, because I must. I begin to share this diagnosis with you now...
...this is On-Set Arachnophobia.
I have never been afraid of spiders in my life. As a boy I would collect God, only knows what species in empty jars with holes on the lid. I would feed them flies and bugs. When the Spiders made their Spider sacs, I kept them safe and released them when the babies bust through. I have always gone out of my way to keep from walking on my fellow Earth Mates on side walks and have gone to dangerous length's to save turtles crossing busy streets. Oh yes, even know this, my first pet as a married dude was a tarantula. His name was Spidy Baby. So damned cool he was and I report that summa bitch was huge and hairy and had a fantastic appetite. Bless his heart...
...came home form work one day and the ole boy had crossed over. I say no more, say no more.
The today is 09 July 2012, and this brand-damned-new-psychosis is one born from my daughter's bath. Also know as the Guest Bath, the spare bath, etc...
...well?
I report that my Daughter's Bath has a "Spider Portal", one from the Center's of This Earth Mother. Oh My God, Spiders so huge, larger than small doves - they have made my dear bride and daughter's scream like girl's! And I, Scream Silently in my brains. Both halves! Scream War Path Screams! And I kill them as quickly and quietly as possible. Spray, fly swat, rolled up news paper, flop-flip, sneaker or shoe. There's a Spider Portal, I tell you.
It is all out "war" on this invader from the out of doors. I've grown exhausted from their visits.
Them and their neighbours the extraordinary "Fabulous Flying Florida Palmetto Bugs". Palmetto Bug, please, that's a fancy title for such a huge freaking and flying ugly ass cock-roach!
Good-Goodness-My-Good-God! I have gone scared and am killing more insects in last two weeks than the past three years. Po critters search for shelter from the Tropical Storm, and the Thunder Storms, and the rain and showers here on the outter sub-tropics.
They are to go to my neighbours house. They need to move out of this Lodge. That's all.
Child please...
...no, really.
God, save us all!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Please, Meet My Left Second Ear, My Third Ear
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
Salutation's.
I wish to introduce you to my third ear. He lives on the left side of my hard head and skull. A chunk of my scalp and bulb has been removed to make way for this - the third ear - which is "not" a totally Deaf ear neither...
...you see, the third ear is a titanium implant and abutment. I experience sound by touching, or the sensation of sound with the plugging in of my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, or having accidentally hit it with a brush or comb or Afro pic. I have from time to time blinged my processor by placing crystal studs on to the cover. Maybe time for a change in decor.
I am forever vigilant with awareness when entering a vehicle. I keep in mind this titanium pipe sticking out one quarter inch from mine globe is in an ideal spot for a boo-boo. A bash, I am afraid could have catastrophic consequences. I dread the thought, but have them every time I get into a car, jeep or truck.
Or a Dodge.
This Third Ear is Deaf. As a stone. Yet, I can pick up noise or sound when it's manipulated...
...as when I shower and the water hits the abutment. When I wash my hair, the same-same and when I towel dry my hair too. This Third Ear requires daily hygiene just like the other two ears. I am probably hyper aware of this. Cleanliness is important to me.
This is the site of multiple operations, the latest being just a short three or so weeks past. It is very much my belief that this one was like hitting a Home Run for He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. The wound is perhaps 90% sealed. I am so very pleased. So very pleased. I attend to it's every need - everyday and every night. I continue to wear my silicone disc nightly and follow Doctor's instructions to the dot...
...I can see where this one last surgery will have a rather handsome scar remain. I am cool with this and don't mind. Have said this before. Just didn't want any damned lumps or infections.
I love my Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I really do. More than any other doctor, I have trusted him with my life. He is the only person on this entire Earth Mother to touch my brain. He-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep, is another member of my Better Health Care Team. A member I could have mentioned so long ago. Sorry I have not and I would love to share his name, but won't. I can't. He sure does practice out of the TGH though. He's so damned cool! I'd love to have a latte` with the one who puts that mask on me every time...
...He-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep.
...that's trust. For both of these special Fellows, I have loyalty, respect and Love. Man-To-Man.
Salutation's.
I wish to introduce you to my third ear. He lives on the left side of my hard head and skull. A chunk of my scalp and bulb has been removed to make way for this - the third ear - which is "not" a totally Deaf ear neither...
...you see, the third ear is a titanium implant and abutment. I experience sound by touching, or the sensation of sound with the plugging in of my BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, or having accidentally hit it with a brush or comb or Afro pic. I have from time to time blinged my processor by placing crystal studs on to the cover. Maybe time for a change in decor.
I am forever vigilant with awareness when entering a vehicle. I keep in mind this titanium pipe sticking out one quarter inch from mine globe is in an ideal spot for a boo-boo. A bash, I am afraid could have catastrophic consequences. I dread the thought, but have them every time I get into a car, jeep or truck.
Or a Dodge.
This Third Ear is Deaf. As a stone. Yet, I can pick up noise or sound when it's manipulated...
...as when I shower and the water hits the abutment. When I wash my hair, the same-same and when I towel dry my hair too. This Third Ear requires daily hygiene just like the other two ears. I am probably hyper aware of this. Cleanliness is important to me.
This is the site of multiple operations, the latest being just a short three or so weeks past. It is very much my belief that this one was like hitting a Home Run for He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. The wound is perhaps 90% sealed. I am so very pleased. So very pleased. I attend to it's every need - everyday and every night. I continue to wear my silicone disc nightly and follow Doctor's instructions to the dot...
...I can see where this one last surgery will have a rather handsome scar remain. I am cool with this and don't mind. Have said this before. Just didn't want any damned lumps or infections.
I love my Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I really do. More than any other doctor, I have trusted him with my life. He is the only person on this entire Earth Mother to touch my brain. He-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep, is another member of my Better Health Care Team. A member I could have mentioned so long ago. Sorry I have not and I would love to share his name, but won't. I can't. He sure does practice out of the TGH though. He's so damned cool! I'd love to have a latte` with the one who puts that mask on me every time...
...He-Who-Puts-Me-To-Sleep.
...that's trust. For both of these special Fellows, I have loyalty, respect and Love. Man-To-Man.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My Dentist Refuses To See Me
My Dearest Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
It is with a bitter taste in my mouth that I must share with you that my Dentist has refused to address a couple of dental issues that "cracked' on Tuesday evening. While eating my dinner with my Deah, I chewed down onto something that broke my whole tooth crown and cracked the hell off. I knew what it was when it happened. That's some UN-natural shtuff to happen.
Dentist office was closed when this happened and was closed yesterday for 4 July celebration...
...so I called today.
And, am informed by Doctor Dentist that he will not approve visit with out a letter from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Something to do with "the metal plate in my head", and the "implant". Needs to know so Dr. Dentist can administer anti-biotic. I mean, this is for real Folks. "Not even a cleaning", says MY Dr. Dentist.
Sad and irate at the same time. Not good energies for this patient! But wait and Hell!! He's worked on me since the implant!
I called He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic earlier. Will follow up in the morrow. Let me hit a damned nerve...
...Dr. Dentist, just may loose a patient.
What can One do?
It is with a bitter taste in my mouth that I must share with you that my Dentist has refused to address a couple of dental issues that "cracked' on Tuesday evening. While eating my dinner with my Deah, I chewed down onto something that broke my whole tooth crown and cracked the hell off. I knew what it was when it happened. That's some UN-natural shtuff to happen.
Dentist office was closed when this happened and was closed yesterday for 4 July celebration...
...so I called today.
And, am informed by Doctor Dentist that he will not approve visit with out a letter from He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Something to do with "the metal plate in my head", and the "implant". Needs to know so Dr. Dentist can administer anti-biotic. I mean, this is for real Folks. "Not even a cleaning", says MY Dr. Dentist.
Sad and irate at the same time. Not good energies for this patient! But wait and Hell!! He's worked on me since the implant!
I called He-Who-Touched-My-Brain's Clinic earlier. Will follow up in the morrow. Let me hit a damned nerve...
...Dr. Dentist, just may loose a patient.
What can One do?
Sitting In My Head, Laid Back In My Safe Place, My Secret Place
Good Evening Kin,
Yes, I could say good morning, but am not stressed about this self-talk. It was necessary for me to leave my other safe place because of the silence...
...and the noises that are taking place for the past three or four hours between these three ears. My good-goodness. So, here I put some sounds on from the iPod, but even this tonight and played quite loudly, is not blocking or assisting these random ass sounds and noises.
At this very moment, I am listening to the sound of a UFO hoovering over the Lodge. I am fine. So is the Wife and the Hounds. As long as they are not stirred - I know the sound or noise comes from within. Let me share that this is a scary scenario - and it's played out every damned night. A sound, or noise, or "pop", or voice will take sound in my bulb! These are not sounds from with out, but from with in.
Come on, I've been tired of this symptom for years. I just don't have a bit of say in the matter. My three ears do as they wish. I have to ask too many times, some times I don't trouble Folks.
Yes, I will soon introduce my third ear. Maybe in a spell...
...the whirrr-whirrrr-whirrrr of the UFO continues.
I have kept near my safe places today. My Inner-Self asked that I make that so. So, it was done. The day has been a roller coaster, same-same led into the night...
...all day and now, well into the night...
...I want to be there next to She-Who-Walks-Tall. I want to continue reading my books. But, these freaking sounds and noises makes for uncomfortable times. Even my deah's easy breathe does not distract from these sounds.
Imagine?
Yes, I could say good morning, but am not stressed about this self-talk. It was necessary for me to leave my other safe place because of the silence...
...and the noises that are taking place for the past three or four hours between these three ears. My good-goodness. So, here I put some sounds on from the iPod, but even this tonight and played quite loudly, is not blocking or assisting these random ass sounds and noises.
At this very moment, I am listening to the sound of a UFO hoovering over the Lodge. I am fine. So is the Wife and the Hounds. As long as they are not stirred - I know the sound or noise comes from within. Let me share that this is a scary scenario - and it's played out every damned night. A sound, or noise, or "pop", or voice will take sound in my bulb! These are not sounds from with out, but from with in.
Come on, I've been tired of this symptom for years. I just don't have a bit of say in the matter. My three ears do as they wish. I have to ask too many times, some times I don't trouble Folks.
Yes, I will soon introduce my third ear. Maybe in a spell...
...the whirrr-whirrrr-whirrrr of the UFO continues.
I have kept near my safe places today. My Inner-Self asked that I make that so. So, it was done. The day has been a roller coaster, same-same led into the night...
...all day and now, well into the night...
...I want to be there next to She-Who-Walks-Tall. I want to continue reading my books. But, these freaking sounds and noises makes for uncomfortable times. Even my deah's easy breathe does not distract from these sounds.
Imagine?
Lynyrd Skynyrd-Free Bird, Enjoy a Classic! A Treat For The Ear Hole!
Kin, a classic that will be a classic long after I leave Earth Mother.....
...listening to this since I was living the life of a youth........................
...and to this day, it all sounds the same. I have been this Free Bird...
I love that I have been who I have been. Yes, many mistakes.................
...but DAMN, a Free Bird I have been! Lord, Help me - I can't change!
IT'S ME MARIO, YOU ALL!!!!!!! GO ON AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
If I May, My Right-Good-Bad-Ear
Kin,
I would love to introduce you to my very own Right-Good-Bad-Ear. Folks, I say, this one just might could be as close to entertaining and or horrifying as my Deaf Left...
...my DNA. Oui? Yes.
Let me not get into or onto that Deaf Left one. Yet. Maybe some other time. Later ? IDK.
This one ear here on the right side of my head, scalp and skull is the one I depend on most of all in life because this is how and where I base my boundaries. Establishing boundaries is as high up there on the Life-O-Meter as breathing. I must utilze what hearing I have to the best of my ability, and with-out that ability to determine from whence a sound or call comes - I am but a lost child in a mans body. It is scarey. It is nesscary I share with each and every one of those who have crossed My Path today, that this process of not being able to distinguish this from that inside the mind is just plain anxiety provoking.
I am sorry to express such un-Manly-like qualities, but the truth is the damned truth. There are times when I am in total horror and just want my She-Who-Walks-Tall and my Mom. I know.
Excuse me please, I had to make a dash outside to snip a few branches. My heart was growing heavy, so a wee task is gut. No sweating - just a quick out and back in. As I stopped by the refrig for a cold beverage I saw the ripe mango that had to be dressed. After scooping the fruit flesh from the mango skin for cooling, I drank and ate what was remaining on the seed's outer shell. I am eager to get this Lil' Baby Mango to sprout and growing well. An offering of peace perhaps.
Back to the EAR...
...at this precise moment the ceiling fan overhead is as loud if not in some cases louder than an automobile. So loud this sound. Should I permit my Inner thoughts to process this more, the more it sounds like motorized odds-n-ends.
There are times when the total silence scares me really harsh like and yet, while I listen to this silence I wonder, when? I am not prepared today, for the sudden loss of hearing in my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. So ill-prepared, I am scared with that alone, being ill-prepared is not how I roll. All the talk- talk about classes for American Sign Language, is just that. Just the talk. I have text books to read and self teach yes, but with this language it is best to have interaction with other's. I know and remember this from a Summer course I took at the local community college many years ago. Synchronisty? Yes.
I am Hard of Hearing in this right ear of mine. The hearing is a machine that operates and runs on it's own and at it's own pace. I have no control. Earlier in life, I was a complete control freak. This relinguishing control to an malfuntioning hearing and balance system is so damned taxing. Unless you know this, you just don't know. As in huge percentage of my Kinfolk. I mean as in my own fleah and blood. They simply don't get it. Sometimes I truly permit an anger to stir about this subject. I can't help it. Shit, there's one aunt of mine that I've been waiting for a return call from the last three telephone calls to her. This hearing aspect of life is like a television remote control with-in my skull Or like a light switch even, my ear switches channels "and" switches off and on at will. There are times the hearing is so bad I permit myself three strikes. If I must ask three times for somebody to repeat, that's three times too many. So I stop...
...Kin, Folks get pissed if I must ask them to repeat. I know this.
The sounds and noises are as if there has been a micro-chip implanted to capture the sounds of Morse Code from Secret Service's. The CIA, the FBI, the KGB, M15 and Chinese Forgotten Silent Service. In my right ear I am able to listen to long periods of constant messages. Constant tap-tap or beep-beep-beeps that are enough to have taken me to the Edge and back. Have been there too.
The sounds and noises of Great Spirit's beings, my fellow Mother Earth mates. Their sounds are magnified as much as to be very much a distraction in my day-to-day life style. I have listened to the sounds of alligators, the sounds of huge Cajun frogs, giant crickets, cicadas, and locusts. Have heard the howl of coyotes and wolf.
I listen to WWII fighter planes fly over the Lodge. Also listen to air planes parked in my back yard. There is also the haunting whomp-whomp-whomp of the Vietnam era helicopter's parked back there. From time to time I pick up the sounds of a locomotive parked there too...
...every once and again I capture the sad humming from the tires of an 18 wheeler somewhere on the highways between these ears of mine. When the sound of a disconnected telephone from yester-year comes, I know I am in for issues. I pray for silence.
I pray for silence, yet am dumbfounded when the silence visits. The sound of total silence is stark and deep. It is a lonly place for me and it sure does have me pray for hearing.
Look, even with all I have just shared, I still love my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. I have learned to love the outside and inside of my ear. With this sort of situation, Meniere's et`al, somebody better tell someone to take good care of what you got - while you got it...
...oh my Dear Kin, I used to bleeding hate that expression. But you know what? It's the whole damned truth!
Goodness, the tales I could share.
Stop.
I would love to introduce you to my very own Right-Good-Bad-Ear. Folks, I say, this one just might could be as close to entertaining and or horrifying as my Deaf Left...
...my DNA. Oui? Yes.
Let me not get into or onto that Deaf Left one. Yet. Maybe some other time. Later ? IDK.
This one ear here on the right side of my head, scalp and skull is the one I depend on most of all in life because this is how and where I base my boundaries. Establishing boundaries is as high up there on the Life-O-Meter as breathing. I must utilze what hearing I have to the best of my ability, and with-out that ability to determine from whence a sound or call comes - I am but a lost child in a mans body. It is scarey. It is nesscary I share with each and every one of those who have crossed My Path today, that this process of not being able to distinguish this from that inside the mind is just plain anxiety provoking.
I am sorry to express such un-Manly-like qualities, but the truth is the damned truth. There are times when I am in total horror and just want my She-Who-Walks-Tall and my Mom. I know.
Excuse me please, I had to make a dash outside to snip a few branches. My heart was growing heavy, so a wee task is gut. No sweating - just a quick out and back in. As I stopped by the refrig for a cold beverage I saw the ripe mango that had to be dressed. After scooping the fruit flesh from the mango skin for cooling, I drank and ate what was remaining on the seed's outer shell. I am eager to get this Lil' Baby Mango to sprout and growing well. An offering of peace perhaps.
Back to the EAR...
...at this precise moment the ceiling fan overhead is as loud if not in some cases louder than an automobile. So loud this sound. Should I permit my Inner thoughts to process this more, the more it sounds like motorized odds-n-ends.
There are times when the total silence scares me really harsh like and yet, while I listen to this silence I wonder, when? I am not prepared today, for the sudden loss of hearing in my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. So ill-prepared, I am scared with that alone, being ill-prepared is not how I roll. All the talk- talk about classes for American Sign Language, is just that. Just the talk. I have text books to read and self teach yes, but with this language it is best to have interaction with other's. I know and remember this from a Summer course I took at the local community college many years ago. Synchronisty? Yes.
I am Hard of Hearing in this right ear of mine. The hearing is a machine that operates and runs on it's own and at it's own pace. I have no control. Earlier in life, I was a complete control freak. This relinguishing control to an malfuntioning hearing and balance system is so damned taxing. Unless you know this, you just don't know. As in huge percentage of my Kinfolk. I mean as in my own fleah and blood. They simply don't get it. Sometimes I truly permit an anger to stir about this subject. I can't help it. Shit, there's one aunt of mine that I've been waiting for a return call from the last three telephone calls to her. This hearing aspect of life is like a television remote control with-in my skull Or like a light switch even, my ear switches channels "and" switches off and on at will. There are times the hearing is so bad I permit myself three strikes. If I must ask three times for somebody to repeat, that's three times too many. So I stop...
...Kin, Folks get pissed if I must ask them to repeat. I know this.
The sounds and noises are as if there has been a micro-chip implanted to capture the sounds of Morse Code from Secret Service's. The CIA, the FBI, the KGB, M15 and Chinese Forgotten Silent Service. In my right ear I am able to listen to long periods of constant messages. Constant tap-tap or beep-beep-beeps that are enough to have taken me to the Edge and back. Have been there too.
The sounds and noises of Great Spirit's beings, my fellow Mother Earth mates. Their sounds are magnified as much as to be very much a distraction in my day-to-day life style. I have listened to the sounds of alligators, the sounds of huge Cajun frogs, giant crickets, cicadas, and locusts. Have heard the howl of coyotes and wolf.
I listen to WWII fighter planes fly over the Lodge. Also listen to air planes parked in my back yard. There is also the haunting whomp-whomp-whomp of the Vietnam era helicopter's parked back there. From time to time I pick up the sounds of a locomotive parked there too...
...every once and again I capture the sad humming from the tires of an 18 wheeler somewhere on the highways between these ears of mine. When the sound of a disconnected telephone from yester-year comes, I know I am in for issues. I pray for silence.
I pray for silence, yet am dumbfounded when the silence visits. The sound of total silence is stark and deep. It is a lonly place for me and it sure does have me pray for hearing.
Look, even with all I have just shared, I still love my Right-Good-Bad-Ear. I have learned to love the outside and inside of my ear. With this sort of situation, Meniere's et`al, somebody better tell someone to take good care of what you got - while you got it...
...oh my Dear Kin, I used to bleeding hate that expression. But you know what? It's the whole damned truth!
Goodness, the tales I could share.
Stop.
Monday, July 2, 2012
There's A Tune On The iPod
Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
There was a time when if I wanted a particular song or tune I would sit next to my AM/FM radio and have my cassette tape recorder on the stand by to press the play and record button at the same time - because if it was not in perfect time, I would mess up and miss the song I wanted to record. Yeah, it was like that for me back then. I remember listening to baseball games played later in the evening. Mom, Dad and sisters all asleep. Sometimes, I would fall asleep and have the batteries exhausted from constant use. Ew, frustration!
I listened to AM Radio a lot back, back in the day. I would listen to cassette tapes on my old cassette tape recorder. Listened to Jefferson Air Plane, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton, The Monkeys’, The Osmond Brothers (had an incredible crush on Donnie). Bull shit, I still have a mad crush on Donnie. I remember the volume adjust was a knob on the side. My little Hi-Fi, AM/FM radios did me well as a boy. As did my cassette tape player’s and recorder. I took good care to keep the equipment in good shape.
I usually had to earn my batteries, but sometimes, Mom and Dad would surprise me. I mean, I was a half way good Kid. Read books, like kept my face in books reading, listened to the games and Casey's Top 40 every Saturday. For as far back as I can remember I have had a memory chock full of songs and tunes from my very early days.
Before becoming a teen I had saved enough money to purchase my first stereo. Like, it wasn't a Bose, but this thing was bitching! This for an eleven year old boy, was big stuff back the early 1970’s. It had a turn table, a receiver with cassette and two speakers I would have thought were from the set of a Rolling Stones concert. Oh yes, I broke my teeth on Marvin Gaye, Isaac Hayes, The Isley Brothers...
...then went through the 8 Track stage and carried my boom box next to my ear in my Afro days. Back when my Funk was found and was provided ear full's of the best Funk in the Funking World. I was a rather cool Funk sort. Have been forever and always faithful to George Clinton., The Parliament and The Funkadelics. Bootsy Collins, also yes.
There was a time I had thousands of LP's, and hundreds and hundreds of cassettes. Then the compact discs that placed the dagger into album and cassette sales came out and everything changed...
...I received my first iPod from my daughters. A neat shuffle. A tiny cute looking contraption that held dozens of albums worth of music. The next step was my first nano. This iPod holds "days" worth of tunes...with just about one dozen genre's.
I love music. Always have. It has always been there as if it is supposed to be a fiber in the fabric of my life. My Path.
Sadly, there is something messing up in my nano. It is not permitting access to my pod. The system provides access only to my library of music and one or two videos. I miss my iPod. I do a lot.
There's this tune on the iPod...
...STOP.
There was a time when if I wanted a particular song or tune I would sit next to my AM/FM radio and have my cassette tape recorder on the stand by to press the play and record button at the same time - because if it was not in perfect time, I would mess up and miss the song I wanted to record. Yeah, it was like that for me back then. I remember listening to baseball games played later in the evening. Mom, Dad and sisters all asleep. Sometimes, I would fall asleep and have the batteries exhausted from constant use. Ew, frustration!
I listened to AM Radio a lot back, back in the day. I would listen to cassette tapes on my old cassette tape recorder. Listened to Jefferson Air Plane, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton, The Monkeys’, The Osmond Brothers (had an incredible crush on Donnie). Bull shit, I still have a mad crush on Donnie. I remember the volume adjust was a knob on the side. My little Hi-Fi, AM/FM radios did me well as a boy. As did my cassette tape player’s and recorder. I took good care to keep the equipment in good shape.
I usually had to earn my batteries, but sometimes, Mom and Dad would surprise me. I mean, I was a half way good Kid. Read books, like kept my face in books reading, listened to the games and Casey's Top 40 every Saturday. For as far back as I can remember I have had a memory chock full of songs and tunes from my very early days.
Before becoming a teen I had saved enough money to purchase my first stereo. Like, it wasn't a Bose, but this thing was bitching! This for an eleven year old boy, was big stuff back the early 1970’s. It had a turn table, a receiver with cassette and two speakers I would have thought were from the set of a Rolling Stones concert. Oh yes, I broke my teeth on Marvin Gaye, Isaac Hayes, The Isley Brothers...
...then went through the 8 Track stage and carried my boom box next to my ear in my Afro days. Back when my Funk was found and was provided ear full's of the best Funk in the Funking World. I was a rather cool Funk sort. Have been forever and always faithful to George Clinton., The Parliament and The Funkadelics. Bootsy Collins, also yes.
There was a time I had thousands of LP's, and hundreds and hundreds of cassettes. Then the compact discs that placed the dagger into album and cassette sales came out and everything changed...
...I received my first iPod from my daughters. A neat shuffle. A tiny cute looking contraption that held dozens of albums worth of music. The next step was my first nano. This iPod holds "days" worth of tunes...with just about one dozen genre's.
I love music. Always have. It has always been there as if it is supposed to be a fiber in the fabric of my life. My Path.
Sadly, there is something messing up in my nano. It is not permitting access to my pod. The system provides access only to my library of music and one or two videos. I miss my iPod. I do a lot.
There's this tune on the iPod...
...STOP.
Photographs
Kin,
Have been in mad search of photographs from my time lived in the Military. While doing this I have touched and seen life times of photographs…
...my Dear God, the photographs I have seen. Places revisited. Places visited and lived. I say, Folks, the so many of Kinfolk, Kindred and all Relations having Crossed My Path.
I crossed paths with my Tia Sylvia, decades ago. She is She-Who-Walks-Tall’s Aunt. Who, in my mind means she has been my Tia Sylvia, all of these years. Please, our paths crossed before Brenda, aka She-Who-Walks-Tall and I, began our beautiful Path to where we are today. Photographs of Tia in her kitchen. With Tio and my cousins.
I was certain on this past Saturday, when we had our gathering, photographs would be taken. Yet - for whatever reason, I felt it was necessary for me to bring the subject of taking photographs up. I had with purpose left three old photo albums out for Folks viewing pleasure.
You see, I quess I wanted photographs of our gathering! I wanted something I could touch. Something to remind me of the time Tia and I shared the same air. I think I am thinking and feel like I did when my father went through the different stages of cancer. The last and final stage. when my sisters and I saw our father cross over. My heart is sad and my Spirit's cry for what it is you are going through, Tia. Now, and for the fucking years of pain you have suffered.
And, I cry now, Tia Sylvia. My Spirit's know you are preparing. I am moved, as I know you prepare to visit with your Mom...
...knowing you prepare to meet Jesus.
I cry because this is not a right thing to happen to such an awesome Woman, Aunt, Mom, Wife and Friend. Tia Sylvia, you have been much more of an Aunt to me than some I know. Those who have same blood as me and are of Kin, seem to have loved me with considerations. You have not. This is not to slam or belittle, it’s simply to pass along a matter of fact. Truth.
I have come across fantastic photograph albums of my Bride and I. Photographs from before our children, all of those years during our lives, and our present day to day's. My Very-Best-Good-Dear-Friend, Brenda. We have pounds and pounds of photographs of our two wonderful, beautiful and extraordinary daughters. From their birth’s to the present. I say this as such, because this digital stuff killed all of my old cameras. Life's Circles, I reckon.
My eye orbs have seen the beautiful faces of my brothers and sisters as we were when children. As we all grew and grow. My Great Spirit, what different a place. The shit we were put through. Some more than others. As I have noticed how handsome and cute I was as a child, teen and young man dressed in his Military finest.
It was in one of these photograph albums my orbs laid eyes on the photographs of the life that has come and gone by. The life as a Victim. Today, I live and walk a different Path.
I will forever remember Christmas at your house all of those years ago. I will always remember your love, strength and integrity. I know in my Spirit’s that you, my Tia Sylvia, have walked yours and continue on a good way to go yet. Please, we must have our Paths cross again soon.
Have been in mad search of photographs from my time lived in the Military. While doing this I have touched and seen life times of photographs…
...my Dear God, the photographs I have seen. Places revisited. Places visited and lived. I say, Folks, the so many of Kinfolk, Kindred and all Relations having Crossed My Path.
I crossed paths with my Tia Sylvia, decades ago. She is She-Who-Walks-Tall’s Aunt. Who, in my mind means she has been my Tia Sylvia, all of these years. Please, our paths crossed before Brenda, aka She-Who-Walks-Tall and I, began our beautiful Path to where we are today. Photographs of Tia in her kitchen. With Tio and my cousins.
I was certain on this past Saturday, when we had our gathering, photographs would be taken. Yet - for whatever reason, I felt it was necessary for me to bring the subject of taking photographs up. I had with purpose left three old photo albums out for Folks viewing pleasure.
You see, I quess I wanted photographs of our gathering! I wanted something I could touch. Something to remind me of the time Tia and I shared the same air. I think I am thinking and feel like I did when my father went through the different stages of cancer. The last and final stage. when my sisters and I saw our father cross over. My heart is sad and my Spirit's cry for what it is you are going through, Tia. Now, and for the fucking years of pain you have suffered.
And, I cry now, Tia Sylvia. My Spirit's know you are preparing. I am moved, as I know you prepare to visit with your Mom...
...knowing you prepare to meet Jesus.
I cry because this is not a right thing to happen to such an awesome Woman, Aunt, Mom, Wife and Friend. Tia Sylvia, you have been much more of an Aunt to me than some I know. Those who have same blood as me and are of Kin, seem to have loved me with considerations. You have not. This is not to slam or belittle, it’s simply to pass along a matter of fact. Truth.
I have come across fantastic photograph albums of my Bride and I. Photographs from before our children, all of those years during our lives, and our present day to day's. My Very-Best-Good-Dear-Friend, Brenda. We have pounds and pounds of photographs of our two wonderful, beautiful and extraordinary daughters. From their birth’s to the present. I say this as such, because this digital stuff killed all of my old cameras. Life's Circles, I reckon.
My eye orbs have seen the beautiful faces of my brothers and sisters as we were when children. As we all grew and grow. My Great Spirit, what different a place. The shit we were put through. Some more than others. As I have noticed how handsome and cute I was as a child, teen and young man dressed in his Military finest.
It was in one of these photograph albums my orbs laid eyes on the photographs of the life that has come and gone by. The life as a Victim. Today, I live and walk a different Path.
I will forever remember Christmas at your house all of those years ago. I will always remember your love, strength and integrity. I know in my Spirit’s that you, my Tia Sylvia, have walked yours and continue on a good way to go yet. Please, we must have our Paths cross again soon.
My dear Tia Sylvia, I love you.
St. Lazaro is lit with the beautiful photograph of you and Tio Eddie next to it.
Tia, thank you for that beautiful...
...photograph.
Monday After Noon Meniere's
Greetings,
Today is 02 July 2012. Happy New Month and I sure hope your Monday has been a good day.
Today has been a day that has been one to hasten my tasks because of the symptoms I have had up to this minute. I was doing a bit of gardening in the South West yard. Simple tasks using my Mr. Gripper for the picking up of small tree limbs, pine cones - some set aside for ceremony, the remainder disposed of in the green bag to insure it is picked up by them who recycle trimmings from Earth Mother's plants, tree's and bushes.
The number one most problematic symptom has been the hearing of sounds between my ears.
Kin, there are days when I only wish I was totally Deaf in my left ear. Yes, I know that I am Deaf, but this one Deaf One sure doesn't know. One sound in particular was the sound of a telephone from back in the day that had been left off the hook and that irritating sound would come from the receiver. This sound lasted approximately ten minutes. So bad was it, I checked my home telephone and my cellular device to be certain. I be damned...
...there has been the sound of the jungle living inside my skull. Even able to distinguish which sound comes from the Chimpanzee's. The crickets, giant cicadas, frog's that must resemble them from Louisiana...
...those damned Cajun frogs that grow to be two feet long or so. Huge and so freaking loud too!
The sounds of WWII era planes fly over head. There must be an old Army Air Base somewhere near here. I suspect this is why I pick up the Morse Codes.
What a beautiful day it is outside of these walls. This Florida Sky, blue and rich with puffy white clouds that will on occasional block Father Sun, for just long enough time for me to task just a wee bit longer. There is a cool breeze that seems to envelope me from time to time...
...my skin reminds me I may have stretched the Sun piece a few minutes too long. My skin speaks to me and has changed colour. My Bulb and the wound were covered for protection.
The Florida Sun beams so brightly and it's just right down dad-damn-it hot too! I love this life! I want She-Who-Walks-Tall to ask for a transfer to Key West. Okay, maybe Key Largo. I am a
blessed man to have been born here in the South Eastern United States. I am humbly proud of my Heritage here in the South too. Them that came before me go back generation after generation. Born and bred Southern Folk.
There has been a nausea that has played with my emotions. I had to taste my breakfast twice - threw it up a little bit into my mouth - but did not vomit more than that. I have sweated both by the heat of the Sun as well as from this Meniere's disease.
I have been tipsy all day and haven't a single sip of alcohol. My steps out of doors were walked with purpose. As I walk here within my Lodge. I have stumbled and bumped into stuff, but have able to keep from falling. Am dizzy at this moment - as I have off and on today and wonder to myself...
...Sir, is this torture? Am I paying the consequences of trespasses long ago attended to, all of this get’s to be so very tough. No, this is not Karma! But, I do feel as if I am being punished. The lack of Faith can sometimes smoother me with sadness.
I have just been struck to think that sometimes, the evil one likes to play mind games.
Stop.
Today is 02 July 2012. Happy New Month and I sure hope your Monday has been a good day.
Today has been a day that has been one to hasten my tasks because of the symptoms I have had up to this minute. I was doing a bit of gardening in the South West yard. Simple tasks using my Mr. Gripper for the picking up of small tree limbs, pine cones - some set aside for ceremony, the remainder disposed of in the green bag to insure it is picked up by them who recycle trimmings from Earth Mother's plants, tree's and bushes.
The number one most problematic symptom has been the hearing of sounds between my ears.
Kin, there are days when I only wish I was totally Deaf in my left ear. Yes, I know that I am Deaf, but this one Deaf One sure doesn't know. One sound in particular was the sound of a telephone from back in the day that had been left off the hook and that irritating sound would come from the receiver. This sound lasted approximately ten minutes. So bad was it, I checked my home telephone and my cellular device to be certain. I be damned...
...there has been the sound of the jungle living inside my skull. Even able to distinguish which sound comes from the Chimpanzee's. The crickets, giant cicadas, frog's that must resemble them from Louisiana...
...those damned Cajun frogs that grow to be two feet long or so. Huge and so freaking loud too!
The sounds of WWII era planes fly over head. There must be an old Army Air Base somewhere near here. I suspect this is why I pick up the Morse Codes.
What a beautiful day it is outside of these walls. This Florida Sky, blue and rich with puffy white clouds that will on occasional block Father Sun, for just long enough time for me to task just a wee bit longer. There is a cool breeze that seems to envelope me from time to time...
...my skin reminds me I may have stretched the Sun piece a few minutes too long. My skin speaks to me and has changed colour. My Bulb and the wound were covered for protection.
The Florida Sun beams so brightly and it's just right down dad-damn-it hot too! I love this life! I want She-Who-Walks-Tall to ask for a transfer to Key West. Okay, maybe Key Largo. I am a
blessed man to have been born here in the South Eastern United States. I am humbly proud of my Heritage here in the South too. Them that came before me go back generation after generation. Born and bred Southern Folk.
There has been a nausea that has played with my emotions. I had to taste my breakfast twice - threw it up a little bit into my mouth - but did not vomit more than that. I have sweated both by the heat of the Sun as well as from this Meniere's disease.
I have been tipsy all day and haven't a single sip of alcohol. My steps out of doors were walked with purpose. As I walk here within my Lodge. I have stumbled and bumped into stuff, but have able to keep from falling. Am dizzy at this moment - as I have off and on today and wonder to myself...
...Sir, is this torture? Am I paying the consequences of trespasses long ago attended to, all of this get’s to be so very tough. No, this is not Karma! But, I do feel as if I am being punished. The lack of Faith can sometimes smoother me with sadness.
I have just been struck to think that sometimes, the evil one likes to play mind games.
Stop.
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