Today, has been thus far a day of deep sadness and fighting and keeping the depression at bay. I have shed many tears and my Spirit's ache. Death is still a mystery to me even fifty two years since coming to America...
...it is a mystery, even to a mystic, mystery catches a hold of my throat every time.
My focus has been affected by this nausea, sweat and dizziness today. I have sweat enough today for Pete's sake! God, it gets so bad. I just want to sit and share some of my Life's lessons with my Relations and not feel the sweat dripping from my curls and sliding down my back and stomach. I mean, for real, so gross. From time to time and I don't know why, my vision is affected by the meniere's. I'll visit with my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, on 02 May 2012. I really should right this down somewhere. Just did, I suppose.
The pains of the surgery are intermittent now and I have the "hot spots" where there is pain when massaged or applied pressure. The hole in my head is alive and well. We continue to medicate the site as directed, but I be damned if it still has not healed. A combination of blood and body fluids remains productive. So yes, I still wear my Glasscock. Proudly too. Like a dog with one of those collars made of plastic. In my mirror - that's what I see. No, not the dog, the Glasscock protecting the abutment, site of implant, my Deaf Ear and The Wound. It is in fact, because of Meniere's Disease that this wound was applied to the left of my skull. And, there has been many surgery's to date.
The nausea has applied pressure to my throat and Adams apple and I sense vomit inches from my mouth. It has been non-productive today and I continue to burp hoping that it really is helping.
Dizziness is provoking the feeling of freshly off a park swing kind of dizzy. Constant. A damned good reason to keep planted for a minute or few.
The sounds are in both ears - as almost usual. I have picked up a pretty steady and vivid Beep-BEEP-beep in my Deaf Left ear on and off today. Secrets, is what I say. That KBG crew never gives up! The sounds in my right ear has been a warbling/tunnel audio affect. It lingers for a spell then drifts off, just to return within a minute or two. At this moment, the sounds of locusts, cicadas and crickets are having contests to see which group might be the loudest. I engage my hearing to listen to the noise they create. Sometimes it truly sounds like there's acres and acres of forest between my ears.
My balance and coordination has been compromised. Another good reason to remain seated for a spell...
...madness?
Wee, why yes, it is and it is this fine line that keeps me holding on.
I have nothing more to say.
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