It is 1449 and I have bathed, taken my medications and had one tablespoon of crunch peanut butter. I am in a great deal of discomfort due to the Menierie's, in which my body feels as if I have been super whooped on..
...from the top of head to my feet feel as if I took on a pretty good day's walk about out in the Everglades. Oh, how I miss My Everglades.
The area of the most recent surgery has begun to pain something dreadful. I have not medicated in two days. So, just minutes ago I have medicated for this.
I laid down in my safe place and had this bitter, bitter sadness come over me. From within and from out had been overwhelmed with this energy, I cried a hard good cry. Like the one's of days not long ago. Like the tears I shed as a child being abused and silently trying to protect my young siblings...
...or like the proud dad observing his children being born. Their first steps, their first words, schools and graduations...
...tears shed by the young man confused by what life had presented. "Was it to be like this or was it to be like that?". The endless nights I would cry for peace, an understanding of what I was to do, and attempt to be the best husband and dad I could possibly be. Our lives living under such emotional circumstances were difficult and very emotional. Oh God, the tears.
Having my mind, body and family consumed by the Anorexia Nervousa that conducted business as it wished and the tears...
...having a part of me going this way and I that away.
Today, my life with my wife and children are the corner stone of what keeps me glued together.
It still torments me to know of the hearts I have broken in this life time. No name, sex, statistics, or relations necessary - just too many. I am sorry.
Asthma and annual pneumonia's visit steal my breathe...
...this Meniere's Disease that is controlling much of me and my body at this moment. As it has for how long now, as I gag from the nausea. Sick of the hours and life slept away. So I cry
I wonder? Is this Karma?
IDK.
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