Dearest Relations,
Good Evening.
There was something that happened yesterday morning that I've thought upon, cried about this afternoon and feel time to open up about this. After coming home from doctors office yesterday I connected then slept from late after noon, last night and today up until 1640. I slept and rested. Today is Saturday, 08 April 2012.
I am very dizzy at this moment - so I'll take my time tip-tapping. You see, yesterday morning at 1020, I had a mishap with this wound on and in the left side of my skull. I was having a sit down in the lav - had completed whatever and was prepared to remove myself from this room when I felt this warm rush of "something" flowing on and down the front my left shoulder...
...I touched and looked and realized I was bleeding badly again from the wound from surgery.
Only this was something much more than a bad bleeding, I was observing the Liquid of My Life and My Path, flush from my head/skull/neck at an alarming rate. With every beat of my heart and with every breath exhaled, my blood gushed from my skull. While there on the commode I would grab several pulls of the tissue to wipe the blood from my neck - time and time again I failed. There simply was not enough tissue nor was there enough time to keep going through motions. I had collected more than a cup or two of my beautiful deep red blood in my t-shirt. So much of it - it created a bulging load that gave way to gravity and was pulling down towards the floor of my bath room. There was so much blood flowing, so as to create a huge puddle at the base of commode and tub. The yellow carpet and tile in the front of me looked like blood splatter from a movie. My blue plaid Bermuda shorts were so heavy by the weight of my blood that they easily fell to my ankles. I removed my Native threads T-shirt in my tub...
...so much had accumulated in my t-shirt that a pudding had formed. Right there at my heart level the life sustaining life fluid had morphed into a damned pudding! Clot's of blood were flowing with the tied of blood. I noticed the huge clots looked alot like little kidneys or what not. The smell was too fucking metallic! Beyond Iron or some scent of metal, this smelled like freshly poured metal from fire to cool. There was small pieces of what ever it is called the lives between my head and my skull. Once, and just for a flash, I thought brain "bits". I watched as my blood dripped from my privates...
...how the blood created a path to my privates. It was so sick! Am I such a Damned fool?
I turned on the shower and tried to let water wash me over and very shortly there after realized I was going into shock. Had gone into shock. My head was going light - had gone light with a quickness and my limbs heavy. All along, I remained in full bleed. I turned off the water and laid down on the cold wet tub. Completely naked. Except for the blue bandanna wrapped about my neck. I had taken a photo of my self and sent to my Bride. I really couldn't nor wanted to say much while laying there. Brenda and my baby sister Linda were both on the way home. So I laid there. A time with my B.I.L., Pete on the telephone and alot of time by myself...
...I had realized the symptoms about the shock thing because of my Orderly background and dozens and dozens of First Aid Certifications. I simply did for self what I hope One would do for me in an emergency.
I continued to bleed quite badly. Too much. Heavily. I felt the contrast in the temperature of my "Rich In Heritage" blood spill from this Mother Earth body onto the cold white tub. The bathroom looks totally different looking from the floor up. Note to Self: *Time to buy a new toiletry stand for shower*. There was a period in the tub when it was not necessary for me to speak. Or listen to a voice speak. I was not afraid. I was felling a calm I am unable to express or explain. I felt the back of my head and it felt like jam and jelly and preserves all mixed up with blood clots in my brown curls. I thought of the blue sky I had seen out just minutes before. Thought of a couple of girls I knew in school. One of the two, I knew in school was at that very moment texting me a message. I was thinking of she and she of me. So crazy great! There was a sort of cosmic connection there Golden Eye:) The phone was on top of the shower rail. It vibrated four or five times then went silent. I thought, she would understand...
...I had a feeling two or three times when I thought I was near death and I suspect that I may had been closer than I think.. My Great Spirit decided that today was not the day for this Human Spirit to cross over. There were some very personal connections there cold, bloody and naked. Except for the blue bandanna.
I was so eager for my Bride to get home. My baby sister, left her job at the hospital and got here first, but had no way in. My Bride was able to connect via cell device that she was just a minute or two away. I was very happy to say the least. I had to prepare them for what they were about to see and I was a bit concerned my Dahlin' would freak out for such a fuckin' bloody mess. I knew by their voice that there really was a big mess and I was a part of this bloody mess. I remember saying, "Hey, I don't want my baby sister seeing my junk!"...
...they worked together as a team, cleaned up the pools of blood, my clothes (that required to cycles in the wash), blood splatter and my Babe, assisted me in gaining my wits and showering off to be taken straight away to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and the TGH. I know my baby sister had a freak out. God Bless You, my dearest baby Sister, I saw it in your eye's. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain looked at me and the wound, we had a heart-to-heart and we've decided on a different route of healing for the wounds.
That's the way this Team of mine Rolls.
I cried this afternoon because I knew I had come mighty close to dieing. I now know there really is no reason for me the fear death. I believe strongly that yes, I did in fact use up a Cat Life yesterday morning. Yes! It was a great day to die! But, My Great Spirit, my bride, my baby sister and Doc. had other plans. Had it all figured out...
...alright then, I had forgotten...
Wow. Life with Meniere's.
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