Greetings To All Relations,
After leaving Sir Dude's office earlier this morning, I knew it was time for me to begin the process of reconnecting, communicating and opening up. Today's visit had a different feel to it. I have not placed my thumb on it yet, but I suspect I will eventually. My therapist and I have indeed placed together this formula over the past year or so...
...he has been my therapist under my employ. He was not referred nor was I directed to by the State. I knew I needed some help and knew I needed it badly. My Sir Dude, is an individual I
have felt very comfortable with the past three to four years. There's something enriching about the direction we as a Team are headed. I'll have to follow up on this, the amount of time together, so that I might acknowledge our patient-therapist relationship as well as our man to man connection that has been established and very soundly based on trust. Today's visit and gathering was a damned good one. Yes, pretty damned good.
I utilized the privilege of using the Little Bus, as my nephew and Little Buddy called it yesterday. Ha! He's so awesome! But yes, I took my round trip to visit Sir Dude. My second round trip paid for and fourth over all. I must really say that I am very appreciative of this opportunity to ride the Hartplus. I have not met an associate of the Mass Transit System who has not treated me with respect and dignity. Sometimes, I feel a bit awkward with the special attention offered...
...I mean, are these kind Folks really doing this for "me"?
Tomorrow afternoon, I'll visit with Dr. N., He-Who-Knows-My-Mind. I will use a round trip via the mass transit. My first venture from this part of town and I am excited. I will get to see and watch the cars of South Tampa go by. I must call after 1800 to confirm pick up for me post visit. Looks as if I may have some time to jot down a post card or a letter...
...that's cool. I'm out and about, taking care of my business, the whole mind and body thing, ya know? There's a Tea House up the block and around the corner from Dr. N's office. Maybe I see a visit there in my Crystal Ball. So sweet.
On 02 May 2012, I have an appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Have some In-Law time and take care of this "wound" that remains alive near my implant. It remains productive with what appears to be a combination of blood and clear body fluids. With this wound still weeping, there will not be any reprogramming of my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. The pains remind me of what we have done on the side of my head. I have seen the demitasse sized saucer on the side of my skull. Today marks the sixth week post surgery and the healing process remains interrupted. My dear Brenda, assures me this has been the worst of all operations and procedures. Neither of the three of us are cheerful about this wound. I'm afraid there will have to be yet another one soon. My poor babe...
...Bless her heart. She gets stuck with the dressings every time. I am thankful and Blessed. Gratitude.
I am looking forward to my visit with Dr. N., in the morrow...
...we've got something to talk about.
Ciao.
p.s. This is what it sounds like when Meniere's cry's...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Pat Metheny - Last Train Home, To Aunt Bunny
Kindred,
I dedicate this to my dearest Aunt Bunny...
...have a wonderful trip Home Ma'am!
Meniere's, The Wound, Sadness, Life
Today, has been thus far a day of deep sadness and fighting and keeping the depression at bay. I have shed many tears and my Spirit's ache. Death is still a mystery to me even fifty two years since coming to America...
...it is a mystery, even to a mystic, mystery catches a hold of my throat every time.
My focus has been affected by this nausea, sweat and dizziness today. I have sweat enough today for Pete's sake! God, it gets so bad. I just want to sit and share some of my Life's lessons with my Relations and not feel the sweat dripping from my curls and sliding down my back and stomach. I mean, for real, so gross. From time to time and I don't know why, my vision is affected by the meniere's. I'll visit with my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, on 02 May 2012. I really should right this down somewhere. Just did, I suppose.
The pains of the surgery are intermittent now and I have the "hot spots" where there is pain when massaged or applied pressure. The hole in my head is alive and well. We continue to medicate the site as directed, but I be damned if it still has not healed. A combination of blood and body fluids remains productive. So yes, I still wear my Glasscock. Proudly too. Like a dog with one of those collars made of plastic. In my mirror - that's what I see. No, not the dog, the Glasscock protecting the abutment, site of implant, my Deaf Ear and The Wound. It is in fact, because of Meniere's Disease that this wound was applied to the left of my skull. And, there has been many surgery's to date.
The nausea has applied pressure to my throat and Adams apple and I sense vomit inches from my mouth. It has been non-productive today and I continue to burp hoping that it really is helping.
Dizziness is provoking the feeling of freshly off a park swing kind of dizzy. Constant. A damned good reason to keep planted for a minute or few.
The sounds are in both ears - as almost usual. I have picked up a pretty steady and vivid Beep-BEEP-beep in my Deaf Left ear on and off today. Secrets, is what I say. That KBG crew never gives up! The sounds in my right ear has been a warbling/tunnel audio affect. It lingers for a spell then drifts off, just to return within a minute or two. At this moment, the sounds of locusts, cicadas and crickets are having contests to see which group might be the loudest. I engage my hearing to listen to the noise they create. Sometimes it truly sounds like there's acres and acres of forest between my ears.
My balance and coordination has been compromised. Another good reason to remain seated for a spell...
...madness?
Wee, why yes, it is and it is this fine line that keeps me holding on.
I have nothing more to say.
...it is a mystery, even to a mystic, mystery catches a hold of my throat every time.
My focus has been affected by this nausea, sweat and dizziness today. I have sweat enough today for Pete's sake! God, it gets so bad. I just want to sit and share some of my Life's lessons with my Relations and not feel the sweat dripping from my curls and sliding down my back and stomach. I mean, for real, so gross. From time to time and I don't know why, my vision is affected by the meniere's. I'll visit with my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, on 02 May 2012. I really should right this down somewhere. Just did, I suppose.
The pains of the surgery are intermittent now and I have the "hot spots" where there is pain when massaged or applied pressure. The hole in my head is alive and well. We continue to medicate the site as directed, but I be damned if it still has not healed. A combination of blood and body fluids remains productive. So yes, I still wear my Glasscock. Proudly too. Like a dog with one of those collars made of plastic. In my mirror - that's what I see. No, not the dog, the Glasscock protecting the abutment, site of implant, my Deaf Ear and The Wound. It is in fact, because of Meniere's Disease that this wound was applied to the left of my skull. And, there has been many surgery's to date.
The nausea has applied pressure to my throat and Adams apple and I sense vomit inches from my mouth. It has been non-productive today and I continue to burp hoping that it really is helping.
Dizziness is provoking the feeling of freshly off a park swing kind of dizzy. Constant. A damned good reason to keep planted for a minute or few.
The sounds are in both ears - as almost usual. I have picked up a pretty steady and vivid Beep-BEEP-beep in my Deaf Left ear on and off today. Secrets, is what I say. That KBG crew never gives up! The sounds in my right ear has been a warbling/tunnel audio affect. It lingers for a spell then drifts off, just to return within a minute or two. At this moment, the sounds of locusts, cicadas and crickets are having contests to see which group might be the loudest. I engage my hearing to listen to the noise they create. Sometimes it truly sounds like there's acres and acres of forest between my ears.
My balance and coordination has been compromised. Another good reason to remain seated for a spell...
...madness?
Wee, why yes, it is and it is this fine line that keeps me holding on.
I have nothing more to say.
Meniere's, Mourning And Suicide
Kinfolk and Kindred,
It has been just twenty four hours since we received word of my Aunt Bunny's crossing. I pray for Uncle Pete and my dear cousins. My heart remains heavy and sad. Almost bad...
...in my heart and one ear, I am not ready to hear and listen to my Feathered Cousins, sing their "Songs of Life". The Cardinal, Blue Jays, Red Winged Black Birds, Crow, Sea Gull and Annahinga out by the Channel. I love you all so dearly, but please, even if but for a day or two. Father Sun is high and the sky is blue with but a puffy white cloud here and there. I am not prepared nor do I want to hear the sounds of children and their coaches laughing and playing at the YMCA just a hundred yards or so to the East North East. Whistles tooting. I love these sounds, just need to make sparse right now.
I am here today because I have decided I will not cut myself off from My Path, and will continue to blog. I am aware that cutting myself from others during times of difficulty has been a life long curse. Until joining this community that is and yes, I will continue to communicate.
I really do not know how long I will mourn. No, I just really don't. On 30 April, I will visit with my therapist, Sir Dude. On 01 May 2012, I have appointment with my Dr. N., He-Who-Knows-My-Mind. Timely.
On Mom's side of the family, I have three Uncles still here on Earth Mother. Once my Uncles pass, it is we and all first cousins who become The Elders. I don't want my Uncle Roy to die! This is too much like becoming an orphan at forty-something all over again...
...I've never thought about the day I will be passed on the title of Elder by process of death. It just never dawned on me that this is Life. Well, I do I reckon I have been in practice with Relations younger than I and have been Honored by Relations with such a term, but damn, there's is no mention of this in the manual.
I have always loved my Aunt Bunny, dearly and her Crossing has left a void I feel deep in my Spirit's. We were two reunited two years ago after many years of life happening. Our gathering was as if we had just seen each other not that long ago. Her Love so awesome and free. I'll never forget that wonderful day we dined on Aunt Bunny's delicious home made Country Cooking. My good-goodness, it was really as if I was eating Mom's food. Or Aunt Billie's awesome food. My Grandpa Roy's deliciousness in a pot. The love and respect will always remain strong for Aunt Bunny and shall never falter. You see, Aunt Bunny, never lied to me and never ever did she ever extend any negativity my way. And what a superb Story Teller...
...my Aunt will be layed to rest tomorrow afternoon in Avon Park. My heart and eye's are sad that I will see her for the last time in the morrow, then, never again on this planet, our Earth Mother. God Bless!
For some reason my aunts crossing has reminded me of the times I have considered suicide over the past three or four years. Actually, this has brought forth all of the years I had considered suicide. From my youthful childhood and adolescents, to the years of anorexia and bulimia. The times of daily confusion and these years since the diagnosis of Meniere's Disease. It's symptoms and frustrations. The surgeries, the procedures, the utter pain. The very genuine frustrations of a change in life. The attacks of vertigo that have dictated my life style for such a very long time. Honestly, I am not too sure if I have not rid myself of the thoughts of my own demise. I have learned and think I'm more comfortable with leaving this up to my Great Spirit. It's just that it's clear now that I have never really rid myself of these thoughts, you see? Why lie?
It was just about four weeks ago, on 06 April, when I had the major bleed. I'll never ever forget the feelings of calm, fearlessness and an incredible ease in knowing that I was slowly bleeding out the very fluids necessary to continue to live. Knowing Great Spirit was right there with me.
No pain. No panic...
...today, I am prepared to say that the attempts of suicide as a youth were precipitated by an extreme Life Occurrence. Some sort of trauma - some sort of severe drama. I believe in my Soul, that it was God, my Great Spirit, who interceded in those events. As it is was the One, who brought me back to a state of awareness that my death is not mine to decide when it occurs, but it is my Great Spirit's decisison. Since a boy - in my heart - it was not okay for others to pass away. Only my death would be what I considered a proper death.
I read of the Worlds Genocide, past and present. I have been witness to Genocide going on right here in the United States of America. Murders and people that harm others in unmentionable ways are the only ones I believe in applying death onto...
...not the innocents. Like my little brother David. Not them who have passed before me, like my Mom and Dad, aunts, uncles and cousins. So many Elders and also too many young Kin. Over the past decade plus one year, death has surrounded me with it's gloom and sadness. So many Kinfolk and so many Kindred have passed on.
I'll share this with you now, my Relations. On Tuesday afternoon I saw the Face of Death in the woods of the preserve in my back yard. I tried not to see it and even attempted to unsay it, but my attempts at voiding what I saw were futile. This Vision has come to me throughout My Path and the Vision always comes to pass. I have never shared this "gift?" with anyone. Until today..
...Brenda, has made me promise her to inform her when this Vision comes to me again. My dearest Bride has put me in the position to say the untruth. I just can't.
Aunt Bunny, I will love you until it is I, who take the last breathe.
I've said enough.
It has been just twenty four hours since we received word of my Aunt Bunny's crossing. I pray for Uncle Pete and my dear cousins. My heart remains heavy and sad. Almost bad...
...in my heart and one ear, I am not ready to hear and listen to my Feathered Cousins, sing their "Songs of Life". The Cardinal, Blue Jays, Red Winged Black Birds, Crow, Sea Gull and Annahinga out by the Channel. I love you all so dearly, but please, even if but for a day or two. Father Sun is high and the sky is blue with but a puffy white cloud here and there. I am not prepared nor do I want to hear the sounds of children and their coaches laughing and playing at the YMCA just a hundred yards or so to the East North East. Whistles tooting. I love these sounds, just need to make sparse right now.
I am here today because I have decided I will not cut myself off from My Path, and will continue to blog. I am aware that cutting myself from others during times of difficulty has been a life long curse. Until joining this community that is and yes, I will continue to communicate.
I really do not know how long I will mourn. No, I just really don't. On 30 April, I will visit with my therapist, Sir Dude. On 01 May 2012, I have appointment with my Dr. N., He-Who-Knows-My-Mind. Timely.
On Mom's side of the family, I have three Uncles still here on Earth Mother. Once my Uncles pass, it is we and all first cousins who become The Elders. I don't want my Uncle Roy to die! This is too much like becoming an orphan at forty-something all over again...
...I've never thought about the day I will be passed on the title of Elder by process of death. It just never dawned on me that this is Life. Well, I do I reckon I have been in practice with Relations younger than I and have been Honored by Relations with such a term, but damn, there's is no mention of this in the manual.
I have always loved my Aunt Bunny, dearly and her Crossing has left a void I feel deep in my Spirit's. We were two reunited two years ago after many years of life happening. Our gathering was as if we had just seen each other not that long ago. Her Love so awesome and free. I'll never forget that wonderful day we dined on Aunt Bunny's delicious home made Country Cooking. My good-goodness, it was really as if I was eating Mom's food. Or Aunt Billie's awesome food. My Grandpa Roy's deliciousness in a pot. The love and respect will always remain strong for Aunt Bunny and shall never falter. You see, Aunt Bunny, never lied to me and never ever did she ever extend any negativity my way. And what a superb Story Teller...
...my Aunt will be layed to rest tomorrow afternoon in Avon Park. My heart and eye's are sad that I will see her for the last time in the morrow, then, never again on this planet, our Earth Mother. God Bless!
For some reason my aunts crossing has reminded me of the times I have considered suicide over the past three or four years. Actually, this has brought forth all of the years I had considered suicide. From my youthful childhood and adolescents, to the years of anorexia and bulimia. The times of daily confusion and these years since the diagnosis of Meniere's Disease. It's symptoms and frustrations. The surgeries, the procedures, the utter pain. The very genuine frustrations of a change in life. The attacks of vertigo that have dictated my life style for such a very long time. Honestly, I am not too sure if I have not rid myself of the thoughts of my own demise. I have learned and think I'm more comfortable with leaving this up to my Great Spirit. It's just that it's clear now that I have never really rid myself of these thoughts, you see? Why lie?
It was just about four weeks ago, on 06 April, when I had the major bleed. I'll never ever forget the feelings of calm, fearlessness and an incredible ease in knowing that I was slowly bleeding out the very fluids necessary to continue to live. Knowing Great Spirit was right there with me.
No pain. No panic...
...today, I am prepared to say that the attempts of suicide as a youth were precipitated by an extreme Life Occurrence. Some sort of trauma - some sort of severe drama. I believe in my Soul, that it was God, my Great Spirit, who interceded in those events. As it is was the One, who brought me back to a state of awareness that my death is not mine to decide when it occurs, but it is my Great Spirit's decisison. Since a boy - in my heart - it was not okay for others to pass away. Only my death would be what I considered a proper death.
I read of the Worlds Genocide, past and present. I have been witness to Genocide going on right here in the United States of America. Murders and people that harm others in unmentionable ways are the only ones I believe in applying death onto...
...not the innocents. Like my little brother David. Not them who have passed before me, like my Mom and Dad, aunts, uncles and cousins. So many Elders and also too many young Kin. Over the past decade plus one year, death has surrounded me with it's gloom and sadness. So many Kinfolk and so many Kindred have passed on.
I'll share this with you now, my Relations. On Tuesday afternoon I saw the Face of Death in the woods of the preserve in my back yard. I tried not to see it and even attempted to unsay it, but my attempts at voiding what I saw were futile. This Vision has come to me throughout My Path and the Vision always comes to pass. I have never shared this "gift?" with anyone. Until today..
...Brenda, has made me promise her to inform her when this Vision comes to me again. My dearest Bride has put me in the position to say the untruth. I just can't.
Aunt Bunny, I will love you until it is I, who take the last breathe.
I've said enough.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Enya - Dreams, The Passing Of Kinfolk, Farewell Aunt Bunny
I dedicate this to my dear Aunt Bunny. Rest well dear one....yes, i have always loved you.
Due to the passing of my Aunt Bunny, the last Woman Elder on my Mom's side of the family, the last string in my heart from The Lady's Wiley, I'll be off line for a spell.
When this happens in my life, it makes laughter seem the last thing I want to hear. Even the sounds of loud voices, the t.v., the sounds within my ears are too damned much.
God, help me find a way to be with my family. Amen.
Peace and love to my cousins. Peace and love to my family...
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A Very Fond Gesture
Greetings Relations,
I wanted to share something with you I have kept locked away in my heart a few weeks. It's not that I was with holding or keeping secrets, I just wanted to hold on to it a spell. Relish it...
...it was something special and something I consider a gift. It was such the simplest of gesture and yet so powerful that I have not yet let that feeling and those thoughts cease. It's as if my entire being was moved and I really don't want to let this go...
...please, Great Spirit! I am one known as Two Spirit's!
My heart yearns for that place, that being...
...that touch.
I really mustn't say much more. Although there is one thing I would like to say and that is a simple thank you. Thank you kindly, I am Honored.
You are a hero to me.
Say no more.
I wanted to share something with you I have kept locked away in my heart a few weeks. It's not that I was with holding or keeping secrets, I just wanted to hold on to it a spell. Relish it...
...it was something special and something I consider a gift. It was such the simplest of gesture and yet so powerful that I have not yet let that feeling and those thoughts cease. It's as if my entire being was moved and I really don't want to let this go...
...please, Great Spirit! I am one known as Two Spirit's!
My heart yearns for that place, that being...
...that touch.
I really mustn't say much more. Although there is one thing I would like to say and that is a simple thank you. Thank you kindly, I am Honored.
You are a hero to me.
Say no more.
Meniere's, Surgery, Cut And Snipped, And All Of Me
Relations,
Got home just a bit past an hour ago. The visit to She-Who-Cuts-And Snips went very well. I shall say an uneventful visit. Other than the removal of the "C" word - oh, but wait-wait one minute...
...found out post cut-n-snip that "this" specimen will be sent off to the laboratory for further testing. Um, I thought this visit was to be the whole damned thing this morning. "Further Testing", was a surprise and another seven to ten days wait. What? Damn it! There is a hand full of stitches on my under arm, which sends my right arm to the DL - The Disabled List. That's alright...
...I bet this left one is ready to begin a new exercise regimen. Good-goodness, this one left arm has pained me for the return to lifting a few pounds. So today I begin anew.
Oh yes, I'm OOS! Out Of Sound! Damn it! I had forgotten the new label. It sounds so bleak and hollow. Helpless? Perhaps a word a customer should have not heard. Ever. This OOS has crept into both brains and I have let it trouble me. I suppose it's the new and improved SSD, Single Side Deaf. I am side ways a bit. I may have cause for being a bit blue and side ways combined over this whole damned OOS thing. I mean, what am I to do? What to do?
By the way, if I have not shared, I say now that my processor has been returned to me. Must wait for surgical site to heal then we'll reprogram the processor. Thank You, Great Spirit...
...sometimes it's not so nice for me to be side-ways. Just sayin'...
Kindred, this damned Meniere's tagged along to doctor's office. I swear! I sweated in air conditioned clinic, gagged, and thought I was going to have to lay down dizzy. I mean, it's like what the hell? Post surgery, I did remain laying down for a spell. It was the right thing to do...
...imagine. All of this, the Meniere's stuff, compounded with having to focus on what was happening at the moment. I did not call time out at all, just conducted conversation with my doctor who cuts-n-snips. She's such a delight! I shared with her today that I love her. Really. I do. Heck, I think it's cool. She's hot too. Hush and no, I'm not that sort of guy. Anymore.
This Meniere's just seems to be attached to me like a limb. IDK, I don't know. Like a third arm, right? Or a second? IDK.
Oh, how I desired a latte` from Starbucks Coffee Company today. Had my head wrapped around it since yesterday when we planned to our trip to clinic and have Starbucks Coffee after. I would love to quench this thirst for a Quad, Grande, Cinnamon Dulce Latte`, with extra Fairy Dust, please. We rode past one half dozen stores. The one driving was unable to pull over, if but for the few minutes the barista might require to create my favorite beverage. My nephew is ill, so it is the right thing to do after hanging out with his mom and dad at Mom's job while I had the cut-n-snip. I understand. No, I haven't convinced myself yet. That's okay.
I say this now, Shit, how it is I miss the days when I was living a good and productive life! Working hard for our stores, customers, company and working hard to make some very honest money for my family and I...
...it busts my gut and pride to have to ask and depend on others for transportation. Or foiken anything for that matter! I am a grown ass man, damn it! Respect, a good hand shake and keeping one's word are still how I practice life...
...even if I must lose sweat, blood and tears, this is the way I do practice living.
I yell - It's my purpose to stomp on this Meniere's Disease.
It's destiny?
No more words.
Got home just a bit past an hour ago. The visit to She-Who-Cuts-And Snips went very well. I shall say an uneventful visit. Other than the removal of the "C" word - oh, but wait-wait one minute...
...found out post cut-n-snip that "this" specimen will be sent off to the laboratory for further testing. Um, I thought this visit was to be the whole damned thing this morning. "Further Testing", was a surprise and another seven to ten days wait. What? Damn it! There is a hand full of stitches on my under arm, which sends my right arm to the DL - The Disabled List. That's alright...
...I bet this left one is ready to begin a new exercise regimen. Good-goodness, this one left arm has pained me for the return to lifting a few pounds. So today I begin anew.
Oh yes, I'm OOS! Out Of Sound! Damn it! I had forgotten the new label. It sounds so bleak and hollow. Helpless? Perhaps a word a customer should have not heard. Ever. This OOS has crept into both brains and I have let it trouble me. I suppose it's the new and improved SSD, Single Side Deaf. I am side ways a bit. I may have cause for being a bit blue and side ways combined over this whole damned OOS thing. I mean, what am I to do? What to do?
By the way, if I have not shared, I say now that my processor has been returned to me. Must wait for surgical site to heal then we'll reprogram the processor. Thank You, Great Spirit...
...sometimes it's not so nice for me to be side-ways. Just sayin'...
Kindred, this damned Meniere's tagged along to doctor's office. I swear! I sweated in air conditioned clinic, gagged, and thought I was going to have to lay down dizzy. I mean, it's like what the hell? Post surgery, I did remain laying down for a spell. It was the right thing to do...
...imagine. All of this, the Meniere's stuff, compounded with having to focus on what was happening at the moment. I did not call time out at all, just conducted conversation with my doctor who cuts-n-snips. She's such a delight! I shared with her today that I love her. Really. I do. Heck, I think it's cool. She's hot too. Hush and no, I'm not that sort of guy. Anymore.
This Meniere's just seems to be attached to me like a limb. IDK, I don't know. Like a third arm, right? Or a second? IDK.
Oh, how I desired a latte` from Starbucks Coffee Company today. Had my head wrapped around it since yesterday when we planned to our trip to clinic and have Starbucks Coffee after. I would love to quench this thirst for a Quad, Grande, Cinnamon Dulce Latte`, with extra Fairy Dust, please. We rode past one half dozen stores. The one driving was unable to pull over, if but for the few minutes the barista might require to create my favorite beverage. My nephew is ill, so it is the right thing to do after hanging out with his mom and dad at Mom's job while I had the cut-n-snip. I understand. No, I haven't convinced myself yet. That's okay.
I say this now, Shit, how it is I miss the days when I was living a good and productive life! Working hard for our stores, customers, company and working hard to make some very honest money for my family and I...
...it busts my gut and pride to have to ask and depend on others for transportation. Or foiken anything for that matter! I am a grown ass man, damn it! Respect, a good hand shake and keeping one's word are still how I practice life...
...even if I must lose sweat, blood and tears, this is the way I do practice living.
I yell - It's my purpose to stomp on this Meniere's Disease.
It's destiny?
No more words.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Mea Culpa, My Face, Eye Orbs And Glasscock
Relations,
I am compelled to report that I had made an error in the date of my surgery. It was not for this morning - it is for 1015 tomorrow morning. Not 1015 this morning. I realized the error shortly after tip-tapping a few words last night. How Goofy...
...I have the calender marked for 23 April. Um, I have 'only' had this date imprinted onto and into my brains for weeks. No, really. Bleeding weeks...
...made a confirmation call last week and wrote a note of confirmation. I jotted down this information on the back of the envelope my telephone bill came in. You know, one of those business sized envelopes taped here on the desk, but inches shy of two feet from my face, eye orbs and Glasscock. My mind set was so wrapped about the calender I failed to change the date and failed to notice the note. Which now that I glanced, have noticed is perhaps two inches from the top of this screen.
Rearranged transport with my baby sister and my bro-in-law, aka my B.I.L. - I wanted family to be with me on this adventure. There's just something about that forking "C" word + surgery = I will need company with this type of thing. I am presently reprogramming my thoughts and processes about this. I had worked my ways up so much last night I was having difficulty going off to sleep...
...it was after I posted last night's blog I observed my-note-to-self there in front of my face, eye orbs and Glasscock...
...mea culpa...
p.s. The huge positive is that I did not make this error in reverse. Oui? Oui! Please do emit energy my way.
I am compelled to report that I had made an error in the date of my surgery. It was not for this morning - it is for 1015 tomorrow morning. Not 1015 this morning. I realized the error shortly after tip-tapping a few words last night. How Goofy...
...I have the calender marked for 23 April. Um, I have 'only' had this date imprinted onto and into my brains for weeks. No, really. Bleeding weeks...
...made a confirmation call last week and wrote a note of confirmation. I jotted down this information on the back of the envelope my telephone bill came in. You know, one of those business sized envelopes taped here on the desk, but inches shy of two feet from my face, eye orbs and Glasscock. My mind set was so wrapped about the calender I failed to change the date and failed to notice the note. Which now that I glanced, have noticed is perhaps two inches from the top of this screen.
Rearranged transport with my baby sister and my bro-in-law, aka my B.I.L. - I wanted family to be with me on this adventure. There's just something about that forking "C" word + surgery = I will need company with this type of thing. I am presently reprogramming my thoughts and processes about this. I had worked my ways up so much last night I was having difficulty going off to sleep...
...it was after I posted last night's blog I observed my-note-to-self there in front of my face, eye orbs and Glasscock...
...mea culpa...
p.s. The huge positive is that I did not make this error in reverse. Oui? Oui! Please do emit energy my way.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Meniere's, Prep For Surgery In The Morn And My Glasscock
Good Evening Relations,
Time is late here in the South Eastern United States. I am sleepy yet am unable to sleep. I have had you, my Kindred in mind and wanted to connect for a brief visit.
I am preparing for the mornings surgery. I don't usually get as wound up as I am this evening. I consider now if maybe I planned this one too shortly after the one I had just a few weeks ago. I am still with light bleeding but am displaying the fluids of infection. I wear my Glasscock daily and Brenda has done an awesome job with attending to the twice daily application of medical ointment and dressing...
...at 1015 in the morrow, She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, will be cutting and snipping on the Cancers that have grown under my right arm's bicep. More blood, more pain, more dressings. Tomorrow will make four weeks since I have lifted weights. I suspect there will be another delay after this.
Truly, I will connect with one and all tomorrow afternoon. I will have my wits about me as there will be no anesthesia administered. "Local anesthesia", will be the term used. Shots and grins.
The Meniere's has had me by the throat the past day and today. On yesterday I ventured out of doors and was exhausted by an ordinary visit to the store with the big red dot. Am dizzy, nauseated and dizzy at this moment. Even though I have not noticed any popping in my right ear, I have noticed an unusual amount of different sounds and noises...
...I was picking up The M15 attempting to gain contact with the KGB. Having fun and amusements at the cost of the U.S.'s Secret Service. Ha! The jokes!
A pleasant storm passed over last night. Temperatures will be cool for a few days prior to a return to those cursed hot days of mid-Spring here in the South. I love it!
Back to my safe place and another few pages about Sitting Bull.
Until then...
...love, peace and more peace.
P.S. Justice for the youth Treyvon Martin!
Time is late here in the South Eastern United States. I am sleepy yet am unable to sleep. I have had you, my Kindred in mind and wanted to connect for a brief visit.
I am preparing for the mornings surgery. I don't usually get as wound up as I am this evening. I consider now if maybe I planned this one too shortly after the one I had just a few weeks ago. I am still with light bleeding but am displaying the fluids of infection. I wear my Glasscock daily and Brenda has done an awesome job with attending to the twice daily application of medical ointment and dressing...
...at 1015 in the morrow, She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, will be cutting and snipping on the Cancers that have grown under my right arm's bicep. More blood, more pain, more dressings. Tomorrow will make four weeks since I have lifted weights. I suspect there will be another delay after this.
Truly, I will connect with one and all tomorrow afternoon. I will have my wits about me as there will be no anesthesia administered. "Local anesthesia", will be the term used. Shots and grins.
The Meniere's has had me by the throat the past day and today. On yesterday I ventured out of doors and was exhausted by an ordinary visit to the store with the big red dot. Am dizzy, nauseated and dizzy at this moment. Even though I have not noticed any popping in my right ear, I have noticed an unusual amount of different sounds and noises...
...I was picking up The M15 attempting to gain contact with the KGB. Having fun and amusements at the cost of the U.S.'s Secret Service. Ha! The jokes!
A pleasant storm passed over last night. Temperatures will be cool for a few days prior to a return to those cursed hot days of mid-Spring here in the South. I love it!
Back to my safe place and another few pages about Sitting Bull.
Until then...
...love, peace and more peace.
P.S. Justice for the youth Treyvon Martin!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Meniere's In The Afternoon
Later on in the afternoon, it is 1449 and I have done well to avoid the bed. Temptation is tough and I am doing my best to keep from even getting to cozy on the sofa. Sleep is instinct post vertigo attack and there are parts of my Psyche that feel wrong for not sleeping. My body is worn and still aches and the Hole-In-The-Head has bled a wee bit and hurts.
My Left Deaf ear began to beep right about afternoon and hasn't stopped since. Damn it! Yes, it's Morse Code and yes, there's an urgency behind these messages from the Kremlin and D.C. Too many do not realize the relationship we have as country men amongst fellow Earth mates. If not for the old raisins and politicos, our countries would be two of the strongest allies on Earth Mother.
These irritating beep-beeping-beep-beeps, are alive and are transmitted and received clear as the day is bright. This is enough to have one wonder.
My right ear continues to pop and plop. Sometimes loudly. Enough to startle. Yes, it is so, and there's not one damned thing I can do about this. Nothing! And no, it isn't from swimming about - I have not been released for such activity. Besides, with this open wound that looks like a small caliber bullet was caught by my skull, I'd be afraid of catching the flesh eating disease and hell no, I'm not kidding. With the Meniere's living and living well within me, I am well aware that The Murphy's reside between these two ears of mine and they too raise their heads at a moments notice. The pops in the right ear are common. On occasion I'll get a pop in the left ear.
I made an attempt to return to my East Yard. Fed and watered our feathered cousins and picked up hound poop. You see, just in case you don't know, hounds tend to poop at sizes approaching Human. I began to sweat profusely and made it a short visit out of doors. From the North skies I see rains approaching and am glad for it. Please Great Spirit, Bless us with an abundant rain. Perhaps later after the Sun has set some I'll go to the South West yard and relax to stay awake.
My coordination and balance has been awkward and off center all of today. Have had to walk with a purpose and keep both telephones on my person. The-Human-Bumper-Car-Dude's back!
The dizzy tipsy remains and is functioning as an arm of Meniere's.
The knot in my throat has slowly subsided, but I continue to perspire and feel so dirty. Even though bathed last night - I still went to bed feeling untidy. I reckon it has something to do with the hole-in-my-head and the blood and the gross stuff that comes from it. Oh, please no infections.
I have a couple or few nieces and nephews who are my pen-pals, so I'll be off to jot down a few things for the dear young ones of our Clan...
...it is at this very moment that I have been invaded by giant cicadas and frogs! My goodness too damned loud. Like just now! Maybe now I take a walk up and down the center of our lodge. Kind of like "walking it off". Walk it off...
At this moment, there is nothing more for me to say.
My Left Deaf ear began to beep right about afternoon and hasn't stopped since. Damn it! Yes, it's Morse Code and yes, there's an urgency behind these messages from the Kremlin and D.C. Too many do not realize the relationship we have as country men amongst fellow Earth mates. If not for the old raisins and politicos, our countries would be two of the strongest allies on Earth Mother.
These irritating beep-beeping-beep-beeps, are alive and are transmitted and received clear as the day is bright. This is enough to have one wonder.
My right ear continues to pop and plop. Sometimes loudly. Enough to startle. Yes, it is so, and there's not one damned thing I can do about this. Nothing! And no, it isn't from swimming about - I have not been released for such activity. Besides, with this open wound that looks like a small caliber bullet was caught by my skull, I'd be afraid of catching the flesh eating disease and hell no, I'm not kidding. With the Meniere's living and living well within me, I am well aware that The Murphy's reside between these two ears of mine and they too raise their heads at a moments notice. The pops in the right ear are common. On occasion I'll get a pop in the left ear.
I made an attempt to return to my East Yard. Fed and watered our feathered cousins and picked up hound poop. You see, just in case you don't know, hounds tend to poop at sizes approaching Human. I began to sweat profusely and made it a short visit out of doors. From the North skies I see rains approaching and am glad for it. Please Great Spirit, Bless us with an abundant rain. Perhaps later after the Sun has set some I'll go to the South West yard and relax to stay awake.
My coordination and balance has been awkward and off center all of today. Have had to walk with a purpose and keep both telephones on my person. The-Human-Bumper-Car-Dude's back!
The dizzy tipsy remains and is functioning as an arm of Meniere's.
The knot in my throat has slowly subsided, but I continue to perspire and feel so dirty. Even though bathed last night - I still went to bed feeling untidy. I reckon it has something to do with the hole-in-my-head and the blood and the gross stuff that comes from it. Oh, please no infections.
I have a couple or few nieces and nephews who are my pen-pals, so I'll be off to jot down a few things for the dear young ones of our Clan...
...it is at this very moment that I have been invaded by giant cicadas and frogs! My goodness too damned loud. Like just now! Maybe now I take a walk up and down the center of our lodge. Kind of like "walking it off". Walk it off...
At this moment, there is nothing more for me to say.
The Glasscock Remains, Meniere's and Good Morning
Greetings Relations,
Woke up at 0600 this morning, which is Friday, 20 April 2012. My wife and I broke fast and was able to spend some time with Brenda before she went off to work. I like and appreciate times such as this when we're able to connect on a completely different level. It's cosmic and I tell you no lie, sometimes not even words are necessary. We can read each other from across the place where shopping is a pleasure or the store with the big red dot...
...after she left for work I permitted the morning to become a part of what I am in this Universe...
...my DNA is but a speck on a particle in the vastness of the Universes.
I witnessed the insects and birds rise for their break fast. Our DNA connected. I listened to the Peacock down the road a piece. Close enough to listen and zoomed in with this right-good-bad-ear. I am puzzled as to whether I should say Peacock or Peacocks because there's more than two. For sure. Peacocks.
Oh damn, I am picking up some strange sounds at this moment! Originating from my left Deaf ear.
I watched Father Sun rise from The East and noticed perhaps for the first time how the Sun Ray's come into our yard, patio, and lodge. It's gorgeous to catch those first rays to see how our two turtles, Aunt Helen and Uncle Chester get stirred up to themselves atop a rock to catch some natural Sun medicine. Oh, Relations, they've grown so much - so fast and are slowly becoming eating machines. Especially Aunt Helen.
I listened to the rooster the road over straining to do his cockle-doo-dee-doo, with a sore throat or the little feathered one has gone old. I mean, even though he's yards away, I have to listen to catch this fellows Good Morning Russia! Po thang. Hang tough old fellow!
I have perspired and have sweat a fair share this morning. My throat has established a road block at my Adam's apple. I have had a "taste the medicine" though. I am tipsy dizzy at 0840 in the morning. I say, it's not forking natural I say! It's just not forking right!
I am somebody. I may be Disabled, but I am somebody. This Meniere's Disease has become a part of who I am and I can't deny that. But I am somebody! I may have these weird little cancers scattered about my body and actually do have a scheduled surgery for Monday, 23 April 2012, to attend to a couple of these. But, I am somebody! I may be a militant Mixed Breed, but I am somebody! With the Meniere's attack earlier this week and the sleep I have had - has left me sad and weak. I move on though damn it, because I am Somebody!
The Blue Jay and Cardinal debate on which feathered cousin will eat from the new feeder or the older model. Relations, let me share our Bird neighbours have their own intricate personalities for sure. How awesome it is to sit back and observe their going on's.
I saw a Calico cat drink from the pool out back and felt uncomfortable about what to do. I did not want to scare it off or alert the hounds to our guest. The cat looked fit and well fed. I let him/her be. She/He was so at ease in the back yard. I think a tray for water would be nice for our feline friends. I would love to feed these wild miniature Lions, but Honey, these hounds of mine will see nothing of the sort. Please. Whenever a cat visits and a hound should see our guest they shed over the intense desire to capture and damage one. Chi-Chi Le Rouge Rodriguez, our Gay Beagle is the one that will lose "her" fucking mind over the sight of a lil' Ole Kitty Cat. Po Thang. So much drama.
I am still attached to my Glasscock. The wound is looking much better. It still bleeds and gets kind of gross and it requires medicine ointment applied twice daily. I must wear my Glasscock until the next time I have a face-to-face with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. The damned thing has become like a blankie for me for Pete's sake! I am getting used to this feeling wrapped about my skull. Ha! That's bull dung! I can't wait til I can remove this half an orb from my left ear. This recovery from surgery has turned into weeks, this wound has not yet healed, and I am concerned. My Crystal Ball, shares with me that this was not the last surgery - "the once and for all" surgery at all. I see too much flesh touching my abutment and too much damned flesh reaching for it. Look, I sometimes try to make light of certain things. Sometimes it works - sometimes it don't. I fall down and I get up again.
I love the way Earth Mother smells first thing in the morning. Just as Father Sun has about completed with the evaporation of the condensation and fog that had rolled in from the bay.
My right ear has been popping and plopping quite a bit lately. I continue to have moments of complete silence from time to time. It is troublesome and places me in awkward spots too many times. (I smell vomit)
My arms have weakened and beg of me to return to the regimen of exercises daily. My sugar levels wish for the same. My mind, body and Spirit's desire same-same. Three weeks of doctor ordered no heavy lifting or strenuous activity is on the verge of robbing me of sanity...
...Meniere's has robbed me of a life that was such a fantastic freaking life. Total loss of hearing in the left ear and times of difficult hearing with my right-good-bad-ear. It took away my employment - my fantastic employment with Starbucks Coffee Company! The ability to drive a car for now is not a positive picture. It is required medical release. It is also a medical release before I ride my tricycle again.
I so yearn for activity in my life. Where is that John Wayne?! Damn it! My pony and I have not had a good long strong ride in a so very long time. Soon time to get back up there and do the Pee Wee Herman dance too!
Say no more, say no more...
Woke up at 0600 this morning, which is Friday, 20 April 2012. My wife and I broke fast and was able to spend some time with Brenda before she went off to work. I like and appreciate times such as this when we're able to connect on a completely different level. It's cosmic and I tell you no lie, sometimes not even words are necessary. We can read each other from across the place where shopping is a pleasure or the store with the big red dot...
...after she left for work I permitted the morning to become a part of what I am in this Universe...
...my DNA is but a speck on a particle in the vastness of the Universes.
I witnessed the insects and birds rise for their break fast. Our DNA connected. I listened to the Peacock down the road a piece. Close enough to listen and zoomed in with this right-good-bad-ear. I am puzzled as to whether I should say Peacock or Peacocks because there's more than two. For sure. Peacocks.
Oh damn, I am picking up some strange sounds at this moment! Originating from my left Deaf ear.
I watched Father Sun rise from The East and noticed perhaps for the first time how the Sun Ray's come into our yard, patio, and lodge. It's gorgeous to catch those first rays to see how our two turtles, Aunt Helen and Uncle Chester get stirred up to themselves atop a rock to catch some natural Sun medicine. Oh, Relations, they've grown so much - so fast and are slowly becoming eating machines. Especially Aunt Helen.
I listened to the rooster the road over straining to do his cockle-doo-dee-doo, with a sore throat or the little feathered one has gone old. I mean, even though he's yards away, I have to listen to catch this fellows Good Morning Russia! Po thang. Hang tough old fellow!
I have perspired and have sweat a fair share this morning. My throat has established a road block at my Adam's apple. I have had a "taste the medicine" though. I am tipsy dizzy at 0840 in the morning. I say, it's not forking natural I say! It's just not forking right!
I am somebody. I may be Disabled, but I am somebody. This Meniere's Disease has become a part of who I am and I can't deny that. But I am somebody! I may have these weird little cancers scattered about my body and actually do have a scheduled surgery for Monday, 23 April 2012, to attend to a couple of these. But, I am somebody! I may be a militant Mixed Breed, but I am somebody! With the Meniere's attack earlier this week and the sleep I have had - has left me sad and weak. I move on though damn it, because I am Somebody!
The Blue Jay and Cardinal debate on which feathered cousin will eat from the new feeder or the older model. Relations, let me share our Bird neighbours have their own intricate personalities for sure. How awesome it is to sit back and observe their going on's.
I saw a Calico cat drink from the pool out back and felt uncomfortable about what to do. I did not want to scare it off or alert the hounds to our guest. The cat looked fit and well fed. I let him/her be. She/He was so at ease in the back yard. I think a tray for water would be nice for our feline friends. I would love to feed these wild miniature Lions, but Honey, these hounds of mine will see nothing of the sort. Please. Whenever a cat visits and a hound should see our guest they shed over the intense desire to capture and damage one. Chi-Chi Le Rouge Rodriguez, our Gay Beagle is the one that will lose "her" fucking mind over the sight of a lil' Ole Kitty Cat. Po Thang. So much drama.
I am still attached to my Glasscock. The wound is looking much better. It still bleeds and gets kind of gross and it requires medicine ointment applied twice daily. I must wear my Glasscock until the next time I have a face-to-face with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. The damned thing has become like a blankie for me for Pete's sake! I am getting used to this feeling wrapped about my skull. Ha! That's bull dung! I can't wait til I can remove this half an orb from my left ear. This recovery from surgery has turned into weeks, this wound has not yet healed, and I am concerned. My Crystal Ball, shares with me that this was not the last surgery - "the once and for all" surgery at all. I see too much flesh touching my abutment and too much damned flesh reaching for it. Look, I sometimes try to make light of certain things. Sometimes it works - sometimes it don't. I fall down and I get up again.
I love the way Earth Mother smells first thing in the morning. Just as Father Sun has about completed with the evaporation of the condensation and fog that had rolled in from the bay.
My right ear has been popping and plopping quite a bit lately. I continue to have moments of complete silence from time to time. It is troublesome and places me in awkward spots too many times. (I smell vomit)
My arms have weakened and beg of me to return to the regimen of exercises daily. My sugar levels wish for the same. My mind, body and Spirit's desire same-same. Three weeks of doctor ordered no heavy lifting or strenuous activity is on the verge of robbing me of sanity...
...Meniere's has robbed me of a life that was such a fantastic freaking life. Total loss of hearing in the left ear and times of difficult hearing with my right-good-bad-ear. It took away my employment - my fantastic employment with Starbucks Coffee Company! The ability to drive a car for now is not a positive picture. It is required medical release. It is also a medical release before I ride my tricycle again.
I so yearn for activity in my life. Where is that John Wayne?! Damn it! My pony and I have not had a good long strong ride in a so very long time. Soon time to get back up there and do the Pee Wee Herman dance too!
Say no more, say no more...
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Band - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
Levon, Rest In Peace, my good brother. Know your music has touched millions!
Note To All Relations,
I may post a musical gift from time to time. I think the music that enters our ear holes bring us that much closer...oh, my.........
...these are also Musical Sound Tracks to My Path........
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Is This Karma? Meniere's And The Tears
It is 1449 and I have bathed, taken my medications and had one tablespoon of crunch peanut butter. I am in a great deal of discomfort due to the Menierie's, in which my body feels as if I have been super whooped on..
...from the top of head to my feet feel as if I took on a pretty good day's walk about out in the Everglades. Oh, how I miss My Everglades.
The area of the most recent surgery has begun to pain something dreadful. I have not medicated in two days. So, just minutes ago I have medicated for this.
I laid down in my safe place and had this bitter, bitter sadness come over me. From within and from out had been overwhelmed with this energy, I cried a hard good cry. Like the one's of days not long ago. Like the tears I shed as a child being abused and silently trying to protect my young siblings...
...or like the proud dad observing his children being born. Their first steps, their first words, schools and graduations...
...tears shed by the young man confused by what life had presented. "Was it to be like this or was it to be like that?". The endless nights I would cry for peace, an understanding of what I was to do, and attempt to be the best husband and dad I could possibly be. Our lives living under such emotional circumstances were difficult and very emotional. Oh God, the tears.
Having my mind, body and family consumed by the Anorexia Nervousa that conducted business as it wished and the tears...
...having a part of me going this way and I that away.
Today, my life with my wife and children are the corner stone of what keeps me glued together.
It still torments me to know of the hearts I have broken in this life time. No name, sex, statistics, or relations necessary - just too many. I am sorry.
Asthma and annual pneumonia's visit steal my breathe...
...this Meniere's Disease that is controlling much of me and my body at this moment. As it has for how long now, as I gag from the nausea. Sick of the hours and life slept away. So I cry
I wonder? Is this Karma?
IDK.
...from the top of head to my feet feel as if I took on a pretty good day's walk about out in the Everglades. Oh, how I miss My Everglades.
The area of the most recent surgery has begun to pain something dreadful. I have not medicated in two days. So, just minutes ago I have medicated for this.
I laid down in my safe place and had this bitter, bitter sadness come over me. From within and from out had been overwhelmed with this energy, I cried a hard good cry. Like the one's of days not long ago. Like the tears I shed as a child being abused and silently trying to protect my young siblings...
...or like the proud dad observing his children being born. Their first steps, their first words, schools and graduations...
...tears shed by the young man confused by what life had presented. "Was it to be like this or was it to be like that?". The endless nights I would cry for peace, an understanding of what I was to do, and attempt to be the best husband and dad I could possibly be. Our lives living under such emotional circumstances were difficult and very emotional. Oh God, the tears.
Having my mind, body and family consumed by the Anorexia Nervousa that conducted business as it wished and the tears...
...having a part of me going this way and I that away.
Today, my life with my wife and children are the corner stone of what keeps me glued together.
It still torments me to know of the hearts I have broken in this life time. No name, sex, statistics, or relations necessary - just too many. I am sorry.
Asthma and annual pneumonia's visit steal my breathe...
...this Meniere's Disease that is controlling much of me and my body at this moment. As it has for how long now, as I gag from the nausea. Sick of the hours and life slept away. So I cry
I wonder? Is this Karma?
IDK.
Dottie West -- Country Sunshine
I sure was raised on Country Sunshine and am so very indebeted to my Ma and all of our Kinfolk who kept us mixed breeds in their minds and hearts no matter the what. It's a shame what city life does to Country Folk. I miss all of my Country Kinfolk - especially that Mama of mine.
Thank you Mom, for raising us up like this. And Ma, I miss you so damned much.
Love your Son, me
Just A Brief Note
Thirty-something hours ago I laid down for what I was hoping would be a brief rest.
Here I am here now, somewhat awake and eager for a return to slumber. I had a good idea that I had a Meniere's attack because of the symptoms. One usual and another a warped sounding beep sound. As in a malfunctioning beep. The nausea was maddening and sweat provoking.
It rains a bit outside and in my heart...
...Just a brief note.
Here I am here now, somewhat awake and eager for a return to slumber. I had a good idea that I had a Meniere's attack because of the symptoms. One usual and another a warped sounding beep sound. As in a malfunctioning beep. The nausea was maddening and sweat provoking.
It rains a bit outside and in my heart...
...Just a brief note.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Worms, Meniere's And Questions About Others
The movement in my skull reminds me that the worms remain. The wiggling and carrying on with sudden movement. I had hoped He-Who-Touched-My-Brain would've scooped them out when he was up in there three Mondays ago. Had also hoped they would have been spilt with the blood from the Bleeding.
A bleeding associated with Meniere's Disease I suspect isn't too common or does not come up too often. I have not read any articles or notes of interest on this subject. I am one of less than one hundred thousand world wide with a BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It's an implant and is a pretty descent form of creating a listening or hearing effect...
...I wonder how many other fellow BAHA user's have gone through similar issues as me and mine.
How many other Folks have had the procedures and surgery's time and time again?
Do patients fight and give their all to defeat the Meniere's? Take and have all of these medications that run through my veins with so little if any affect at all. Those that we have tried. Them that we discontinued...
...several injections into the ear that have been some of the most painful experiences in my life. Um, until that point in my life anyways.
Wait! Several beeps just came through. There was a message in this one for sure. Morse Code and it was no doubt coming out of Egypt. It was two K.G.B. and it was sent to the U.S. Secret Service. Something to do with the movement of a prisoner. Beep, beeping and more beeping. So irritable at times that there is nothing to do but to medicate and go to Dream World.
There have been trains entering and leaving my back yard for the past one hour and three quarter. NO! I mean as if there were trains in my immediate back yard! The cicada's and crickets have tagged along for the day too. Much of this coming from my Deaf Left Ear. The right good-bad-ear, has it's very fair share too! I would and could swear that I pick up sounds and noises out of both at the same time sometimes. I know I do.
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, had informed me long ago of my being an anomaly. At first, I don't think I liked that much, but now I think if the cap fit's. I'll wear it. Through-out my days on Mother Earth, I have been one considered "out of the ordinary". Oui? Oui.
I know, you see. Because I was and am still not an ordinary sort. Simple yes, yet complicated too. I think this is the way it was meant to be. So it was written - so let it be done circumstance.
This sweating, nausea and dizziness is a combination that always makes me sick. I am getting to a point of being a mess. So please, I beg your pardon.
Love, peace and more peace, mario
A bleeding associated with Meniere's Disease I suspect isn't too common or does not come up too often. I have not read any articles or notes of interest on this subject. I am one of less than one hundred thousand world wide with a BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. It's an implant and is a pretty descent form of creating a listening or hearing effect...
...I wonder how many other fellow BAHA user's have gone through similar issues as me and mine.
How many other Folks have had the procedures and surgery's time and time again?
Do patients fight and give their all to defeat the Meniere's? Take and have all of these medications that run through my veins with so little if any affect at all. Those that we have tried. Them that we discontinued...
...several injections into the ear that have been some of the most painful experiences in my life. Um, until that point in my life anyways.
Wait! Several beeps just came through. There was a message in this one for sure. Morse Code and it was no doubt coming out of Egypt. It was two K.G.B. and it was sent to the U.S. Secret Service. Something to do with the movement of a prisoner. Beep, beeping and more beeping. So irritable at times that there is nothing to do but to medicate and go to Dream World.
There have been trains entering and leaving my back yard for the past one hour and three quarter. NO! I mean as if there were trains in my immediate back yard! The cicada's and crickets have tagged along for the day too. Much of this coming from my Deaf Left Ear. The right good-bad-ear, has it's very fair share too! I would and could swear that I pick up sounds and noises out of both at the same time sometimes. I know I do.
He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, had informed me long ago of my being an anomaly. At first, I don't think I liked that much, but now I think if the cap fit's. I'll wear it. Through-out my days on Mother Earth, I have been one considered "out of the ordinary". Oui? Oui.
I know, you see. Because I was and am still not an ordinary sort. Simple yes, yet complicated too. I think this is the way it was meant to be. So it was written - so let it be done circumstance.
This sweating, nausea and dizziness is a combination that always makes me sick. I am getting to a point of being a mess. So please, I beg your pardon.
Love, peace and more peace, mario
Meniere's, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, And The Wound
Greetings Relations,
Yesterday's appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has me still wearing a Glasscock on the side of my hear and the elastic wrapped about my head reminds me of the 1980's sweat bands. I look like that from the right ride...
...looks as if I am wearing a sweat band. The brown curls flip over on to or roll up and over, Cute. The left side is where the Wound lives and continues to bleed and ooze the clear fluids. This is the side the Glasscock occupys a chunk of my skull.
Doctor made a comment that he was unhappy with the healing of the site - I agreed. This has not been an easy recovery at all and what is so frustrating for me is that the hole in my skull is or could be an excellent port of entry for germs and what not's - to do what it is bacteria do, sheltered by a Glasscock. If I do not take medications as ordered, the pains return and are excruciating. So I suspect that I shall take the medication for a couple of days and I'll see what the status is - with this hole in my skull.
During our face-to-face, I mentioned to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, that I have grown accustomed to my "glasscocK". We laughed a bit and he shared with me that Glasscock is the name of the inventor of this round baseball catcher's cup. Now...
...you know that I know, you know this Mr. Glasscock, caught pure hell in school! Ha!
Doctor created a new flexible disc to place upon the wound. A bigger pair than the smaller disc cutting me up instead of assisting the healing. The problem with one I have worn since yesterday is that it will not remain attached to the abutment. The implant that sticks out from my skull. Later, I will make an attempt with the second disc.
Yesterday morning, I received a FedEx over night package from the manufacturer of my BAHA. The package contained my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid! These Folks released my processor from confiscation. Damn, I am so happy! This manufacturer was holding my BAHA hostage. A huge corporation holding a tool from a person who has gone through so much health and financial stress's in need of the tool that is attached to an implant for their product...
I do not know if Doctor made a call or if my conversation with the two people left an impression. Perhaps it is God's work. I don't know. But, I am just so damned happy! I can not wear it until the wound has healed, but I've got my BAHA home. Thank you.
No more for now. I am sweating so bad and am carrying a dizzy spell with me. So for now...
...love, peace and more peace, me.
Yesterday's appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has me still wearing a Glasscock on the side of my hear and the elastic wrapped about my head reminds me of the 1980's sweat bands. I look like that from the right ride...
...looks as if I am wearing a sweat band. The brown curls flip over on to or roll up and over, Cute. The left side is where the Wound lives and continues to bleed and ooze the clear fluids. This is the side the Glasscock occupys a chunk of my skull.
Doctor made a comment that he was unhappy with the healing of the site - I agreed. This has not been an easy recovery at all and what is so frustrating for me is that the hole in my skull is or could be an excellent port of entry for germs and what not's - to do what it is bacteria do, sheltered by a Glasscock. If I do not take medications as ordered, the pains return and are excruciating. So I suspect that I shall take the medication for a couple of days and I'll see what the status is - with this hole in my skull.
During our face-to-face, I mentioned to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, that I have grown accustomed to my "glasscocK". We laughed a bit and he shared with me that Glasscock is the name of the inventor of this round baseball catcher's cup. Now...
...you know that I know, you know this Mr. Glasscock, caught pure hell in school! Ha!
Doctor created a new flexible disc to place upon the wound. A bigger pair than the smaller disc cutting me up instead of assisting the healing. The problem with one I have worn since yesterday is that it will not remain attached to the abutment. The implant that sticks out from my skull. Later, I will make an attempt with the second disc.
Yesterday morning, I received a FedEx over night package from the manufacturer of my BAHA. The package contained my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid! These Folks released my processor from confiscation. Damn, I am so happy! This manufacturer was holding my BAHA hostage. A huge corporation holding a tool from a person who has gone through so much health and financial stress's in need of the tool that is attached to an implant for their product...
I do not know if Doctor made a call or if my conversation with the two people left an impression. Perhaps it is God's work. I don't know. But, I am just so damned happy! I can not wear it until the wound has healed, but I've got my BAHA home. Thank you.
No more for now. I am sweating so bad and am carrying a dizzy spell with me. So for now...
...love, peace and more peace, me.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Still With The Blood And My Glasscock
Salutations Relations,
Today, I am off to visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My appointment was to have been on the Wednesday, the 18. I thought it necessary to have an earlier face-to-face.
The wound continues to bleed and ooze a transparent fluid. Yep, you're correct. I too think clear fluids from the skull just doesn't paint a pretty picture in my Art Gallery of The Brain. It is today, three weeks ago that we had this surgery and again this morning I awoke with very bloody gauze and gooey mess...
...as this wound heals, it is forming a bullet hole roundness. It gives the look that I could stick my pinkie finger inside the skin between my flesh and mine skull. It damned sure does - and no, I'm damned sure not the one to try it. Gross as hell stuff on the left side of my head. This is a major reason I am so pleased to wear the Glasscock...
When I wear it - it takes care of two issues for me:
A. Protects from environment
1. No gnats or fly.
2. Keeps air borne particles to gain entry.
3. Keeps Hound Hair from getting stuck onto the wound. Like my own beautiful brown curls do. My Bride when dressing the wound sometimes has to snip my curls.
B. Keeps The Wound private:
1. Keeps the Wound from the Public eye.
2. I reckon no need in grossing out Folks.
3. Will not scare children. Well, maybe some children.
Gotta go! The In-Laws are here to transport me.
Until later................love and peace
Today, I am off to visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. My appointment was to have been on the Wednesday, the 18. I thought it necessary to have an earlier face-to-face.
The wound continues to bleed and ooze a transparent fluid. Yep, you're correct. I too think clear fluids from the skull just doesn't paint a pretty picture in my Art Gallery of The Brain. It is today, three weeks ago that we had this surgery and again this morning I awoke with very bloody gauze and gooey mess...
...as this wound heals, it is forming a bullet hole roundness. It gives the look that I could stick my pinkie finger inside the skin between my flesh and mine skull. It damned sure does - and no, I'm damned sure not the one to try it. Gross as hell stuff on the left side of my head. This is a major reason I am so pleased to wear the Glasscock...
When I wear it - it takes care of two issues for me:
A. Protects from environment
1. No gnats or fly.
2. Keeps air borne particles to gain entry.
3. Keeps Hound Hair from getting stuck onto the wound. Like my own beautiful brown curls do. My Bride when dressing the wound sometimes has to snip my curls.
B. Keeps The Wound private:
1. Keeps the Wound from the Public eye.
2. I reckon no need in grossing out Folks.
3. Will not scare children. Well, maybe some children.
Gotta go! The In-Laws are here to transport me.
Until later................love and peace
Saturday, April 14, 2012
A Whistle and Hatred and Meniere's
Greetings Relations,
On occasion I can still hear my Great-Grandmother's whistle...
There was a letter/note I received not long ago that pertained to hate and why is it I am still full of hatred...
...and how hatred poisons us as it is free to carry on day to day...
...and she shared something of a surprise that I was still carrying this hatred. Well, I suppose I'll touch on this some day soon. It is too damned deep a topic for this moment, but I wanted to let She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, know that her inquiry touched my Spirit's and how this has began a process of self-evaluations and Inventory after inventory. I can and do feel the results of these emerging more and more daily...
...and I am indebted to this quandary.
Please, let me share, as I wear this Glasspenis atop my skull, that I have often contemplated this subject myself. Having the knowledge's of the whys - is there still hatred just beneath my skull puzzles me also.
I have been away from my awake world today. I awoke from a mighty long slumber an hour or so ago and thought I would connect with my Relations.
The "Wound" still bleeds, I am dizzy, gagging nauseated and sweating at this very moment. Am just not feeling well.
Have made plans for tomorrow. I will insure a proper rest this evening and fulfill my plans.
Until the next time.........love, peace and peace, me
On occasion I can still hear my Great-Grandmother's whistle...
There was a letter/note I received not long ago that pertained to hate and why is it I am still full of hatred...
...and how hatred poisons us as it is free to carry on day to day...
...and she shared something of a surprise that I was still carrying this hatred. Well, I suppose I'll touch on this some day soon. It is too damned deep a topic for this moment, but I wanted to let She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, know that her inquiry touched my Spirit's and how this has began a process of self-evaluations and Inventory after inventory. I can and do feel the results of these emerging more and more daily...
...and I am indebted to this quandary.
Please, let me share, as I wear this Glasspenis atop my skull, that I have often contemplated this subject myself. Having the knowledge's of the whys - is there still hatred just beneath my skull puzzles me also.
I have been away from my awake world today. I awoke from a mighty long slumber an hour or so ago and thought I would connect with my Relations.
The "Wound" still bleeds, I am dizzy, gagging nauseated and sweating at this very moment. Am just not feeling well.
Have made plans for tomorrow. I will insure a proper rest this evening and fulfill my plans.
Until the next time.........love, peace and peace, me
Friday, April 13, 2012
My Bed Side Table, The Books I'm Reading
Relations,
I have not reported on my reading in a mighty long time so I figured I would take a few minutes to share what it is I am reading...
...while in Cherokee, I was able to purchase a book by the title, "Great Chiefs Volume 1". Authored by Mr. Tony Hollihan. I have not seen this book locally so I considered it a nice find. I am familiar with five of the six legendary Chiefs. The one I am not knowing as of right now is Chief Louis Riel, Metis, a First Nation from Canada. The other Chiefs are Sitting Bull, Chief Joseph, Quanah Parker, Red Cloud and Sequoyah. All have been well read by me - I just have this burning desire to read and learn even more about each of these Chiefs. What Brave Men.
I purchased a book at my nephews school book sale yesterday early evening. I am okay with this purchase, but I say please, try not to laugh too loud or too long on my account. In my skull I was being sensible...
...the title of this latest purchase is, "Grammar Girl Presents, the Ultimate Writing Guide for Students". Um, it reads to me as if Miss Grammar Girl might not have considered that maybe One like me would want a "refresher". Gurl palease! I am going to LOVE this refresher. The way I see it is that it's a win-win situation for me. I love to read and I enjoy learning - so a win-win. I think it's rather cool that I came across it. I am writing more, as in My Path, I journal in my journal, I am in the midst of writing my nephew a letter. And I do speak good words. Such as the Spoken Word. I just need to be able to express myself differently "sometimes". Become a better writer and speaker. True? Oui!
I do have two meditation books bed side and frequently read each days readings.
Thank you Miss Grammar Girl! No more to say.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
I have not reported on my reading in a mighty long time so I figured I would take a few minutes to share what it is I am reading...
...while in Cherokee, I was able to purchase a book by the title, "Great Chiefs Volume 1". Authored by Mr. Tony Hollihan. I have not seen this book locally so I considered it a nice find. I am familiar with five of the six legendary Chiefs. The one I am not knowing as of right now is Chief Louis Riel, Metis, a First Nation from Canada. The other Chiefs are Sitting Bull, Chief Joseph, Quanah Parker, Red Cloud and Sequoyah. All have been well read by me - I just have this burning desire to read and learn even more about each of these Chiefs. What Brave Men.
I purchased a book at my nephews school book sale yesterday early evening. I am okay with this purchase, but I say please, try not to laugh too loud or too long on my account. In my skull I was being sensible...
...the title of this latest purchase is, "Grammar Girl Presents, the Ultimate Writing Guide for Students". Um, it reads to me as if Miss Grammar Girl might not have considered that maybe One like me would want a "refresher". Gurl palease! I am going to LOVE this refresher. The way I see it is that it's a win-win situation for me. I love to read and I enjoy learning - so a win-win. I think it's rather cool that I came across it. I am writing more, as in My Path, I journal in my journal, I am in the midst of writing my nephew a letter. And I do speak good words. Such as the Spoken Word. I just need to be able to express myself differently "sometimes". Become a better writer and speaker. True? Oui!
I do have two meditation books bed side and frequently read each days readings.
Thank you Miss Grammar Girl! No more to say.
Love, peace and more peace, Mario
Meniere's On A Friday, 13 April 2012
Kin and all Relations,
There's this continuous noise that has been going on in my Left Deaf Ear. It has been a combination of the Morse Code messages, the sound a locomotive makes when traveling at a high rate of speed and the sounds of Cicadas by the dozen...
...off and on all this damned day long.
My right ear has returned to it's struggling phase with poor performances since the surgery. I don't know what to say really. It gets maddening in here with this elevator hearing. Sometimes so loud that the sounds are insulting or so poor that I play the role. Only on occasions will I ask for a repeat. The Bride and daughter do provide some aid - at times. Other times I've worn their last nerve and they want to scold me for "not listening". ? Other Kinfolk have done same.
I have been at some awful lot of sweating and perspiring since morning and have had an early clean me up. I love the way my French Canadian neighbours call soap, douche. I've douched today. HA!
Anyways. yes, it was necessary. Even now, freshly douched, I am sweating and have a building desire for another bathe. There isn't any control on the sweating piece with this Meniere's Disease. I fan myself, change t-shirts and shirts. Sometimes this Man, just doesn't want to sweat. I mean, damn! What a pain in the ass symptom! I don't want to smell too Manly sometimes.
I had not felt the worms the past few days and was so hoping they were released when I had that massive bleed last week. No, these worms remain. Either that or these are the next generation of the summabitches. I thought for sure that these would have been expelled...
...oh well, I guess that's what I get for thinking. Bastards have shown all out today. It has been like na-na-na-na-naaaa, "Heck no, we didn't move, Stone Skull!" What am I to do? IDK.
Nausea has been present throughout the morning and afternoon. I burp along like some wild boar here on the preserve. Or like Homer Simpson. Anything to ease the stress and discomfort of the nausea and flavor of vomit in my mouth.
My balance and coordination have been a challenge. Requiring slow concerted steps and extra focus on whatever it is I'm doing. (I feel the sweat trail from my under arms down to my waist and Bermuda shorts.
Yes, I do wear Bermuda shorts and enjoy wearing them very much. This Florida heat can get to a brother. Or a Sister. Or a Queen. I have different colors and coordinates. I do wear denim - I love 501's. The accent on my buttocks and birthing hips are far out and funky cool too. I enjoy wearing Khaki's because one can do anything with a nice dashing pair of khakis. Short sleeve's of blues and Earthly tones, whites with long and short sleeve, and then, there is the Nakedness. The act of being Naked - naked-ness? Yes, I am a nudist too.
Um, well, what can I say? It's written, so I'll have to leave it as it is. I am a Nudist. Heeeeeeey!
I have fought the sleep successfully today. When I make a reason to get up and move - to do something, I move. Having this connection at this moment is more important than me getting back to sleep. Today makes it Day 2. Nice...
...sleep in the night has been uneasy. I seem to be going through a fear phase where the sounds of the night have me alert, anxious and awake until mid-night or so. No, and it's painfully obvious I do not have issues sleeping. If anything I have slept too much and have I spent way to much time in Dream World. Dream World is vivid and quite detailed. Folks I have met, Folks I have loved, Lands not yet destroyed by the White Man, and so many Folks I have not seen in decades. We work together and we play together in Dream World. It's truly amazing stuff - but sometimes too much is simply too much. Can you feel it?
This Meniere's Disease has just really made itself at home within my Earth Form and I am tortured daily by the sounds and noises, by the dizziness - which today has been between five and a seven on the Dizzy Scale, 1-10. Based on my nerves, we're getting to the last one soon. The crazy sweats. The yearn for sleep. The aching body. No, no one has beat my ass lately.
Excuse me, I meant to share that I heard on two different occasions last night - OUT LOUD EXPLOSIONS and my sleeping Bride made not a budge and neither did our hounds howl or run amok. Shit! The first time I heard this explosion I just about screamed. I would have sounded like Lurch hollering!...........
.............a lurching screaming mess.
For now, enough has been said and I am very uncomfortable with the dizziness and stress it creates while I try to tip-tap.
No mas.
There's this continuous noise that has been going on in my Left Deaf Ear. It has been a combination of the Morse Code messages, the sound a locomotive makes when traveling at a high rate of speed and the sounds of Cicadas by the dozen...
...off and on all this damned day long.
My right ear has returned to it's struggling phase with poor performances since the surgery. I don't know what to say really. It gets maddening in here with this elevator hearing. Sometimes so loud that the sounds are insulting or so poor that I play the role. Only on occasions will I ask for a repeat. The Bride and daughter do provide some aid - at times. Other times I've worn their last nerve and they want to scold me for "not listening". ? Other Kinfolk have done same.
I have been at some awful lot of sweating and perspiring since morning and have had an early clean me up. I love the way my French Canadian neighbours call soap, douche. I've douched today. HA!
Anyways. yes, it was necessary. Even now, freshly douched, I am sweating and have a building desire for another bathe. There isn't any control on the sweating piece with this Meniere's Disease. I fan myself, change t-shirts and shirts. Sometimes this Man, just doesn't want to sweat. I mean, damn! What a pain in the ass symptom! I don't want to smell too Manly sometimes.
I had not felt the worms the past few days and was so hoping they were released when I had that massive bleed last week. No, these worms remain. Either that or these are the next generation of the summabitches. I thought for sure that these would have been expelled...
...oh well, I guess that's what I get for thinking. Bastards have shown all out today. It has been like na-na-na-na-naaaa, "Heck no, we didn't move, Stone Skull!" What am I to do? IDK.
Nausea has been present throughout the morning and afternoon. I burp along like some wild boar here on the preserve. Or like Homer Simpson. Anything to ease the stress and discomfort of the nausea and flavor of vomit in my mouth.
My balance and coordination have been a challenge. Requiring slow concerted steps and extra focus on whatever it is I'm doing. (I feel the sweat trail from my under arms down to my waist and Bermuda shorts.
Yes, I do wear Bermuda shorts and enjoy wearing them very much. This Florida heat can get to a brother. Or a Sister. Or a Queen. I have different colors and coordinates. I do wear denim - I love 501's. The accent on my buttocks and birthing hips are far out and funky cool too. I enjoy wearing Khaki's because one can do anything with a nice dashing pair of khakis. Short sleeve's of blues and Earthly tones, whites with long and short sleeve, and then, there is the Nakedness. The act of being Naked - naked-ness? Yes, I am a nudist too.
Um, well, what can I say? It's written, so I'll have to leave it as it is. I am a Nudist. Heeeeeeey!
I have fought the sleep successfully today. When I make a reason to get up and move - to do something, I move. Having this connection at this moment is more important than me getting back to sleep. Today makes it Day 2. Nice...
...sleep in the night has been uneasy. I seem to be going through a fear phase where the sounds of the night have me alert, anxious and awake until mid-night or so. No, and it's painfully obvious I do not have issues sleeping. If anything I have slept too much and have I spent way to much time in Dream World. Dream World is vivid and quite detailed. Folks I have met, Folks I have loved, Lands not yet destroyed by the White Man, and so many Folks I have not seen in decades. We work together and we play together in Dream World. It's truly amazing stuff - but sometimes too much is simply too much. Can you feel it?
This Meniere's Disease has just really made itself at home within my Earth Form and I am tortured daily by the sounds and noises, by the dizziness - which today has been between five and a seven on the Dizzy Scale, 1-10. Based on my nerves, we're getting to the last one soon. The crazy sweats. The yearn for sleep. The aching body. No, no one has beat my ass lately.
Excuse me, I meant to share that I heard on two different occasions last night - OUT LOUD EXPLOSIONS and my sleeping Bride made not a budge and neither did our hounds howl or run amok. Shit! The first time I heard this explosion I just about screamed. I would have sounded like Lurch hollering!...........
.............a lurching screaming mess.
For now, enough has been said and I am very uncomfortable with the dizziness and stress it creates while I try to tip-tap.
No mas.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
My Therapist And Five Awesome Connections, Medicine For The Meniere's
Good Day to all Kin and Relations,
I have been Blessed to have had the opportunity today to speak with five + One Very Important Kinfolk in my life and this, My Path.
First I was reunited with my therapist Sir Dude. I be damned if it hasn't been almost two months since we both had a chance to gather face-to-face. So much was shared and so many things spoken that I am still taking inventory on what was exchanged in word, body and Spirit's. I am able to share that the visit was an extraordinary one. For me, I consider the content of therapy even more important than whatever it might be that draws me to this therapist. There's something that works between the both of us that clicks quite nicely...
...for this I am Blessed. I have a therapist I am able to trust. A fellow Human Spirit that I am able to confide in knowing that we are having exchanges that require two way streets. Speak as spoken.
Was able to utilize the Hartplus Mini-Bus to get me to this mornings appointment with Sir Dude. What an awesome experience it was! A fellow drove up to this Lodge this morning - running late on his schedule, but got me to Sir Dude's office with time to spare. And then later, another fellow was ready and waiting for me after my appointment was said and done. The Baby-Face was out in the parking lot waiting for me. For me?
For this I am Blessed because I know that I now have a source of transportation that will assist me in getting to appointments and home from appointments. Thank you Great Spirit. This morning I felt like the Lil' Feller in me headed off to school on the bus for the first time. How humbling and how gracious that my Bride and I should leave at the same time and was able to wave and blow a kiss while in traffic...
...my heart felt so Innocent...
Damn it how I love that Woman!
Shortly after getting home from my travels on the Mini-Bus, I was able to connect with my daughter who lives far and far away. It makes my eye orbs happy. It makes my Daddy Heart so very happy. My dearest Honorable Daughter number One, has a male companion that I respect, enjoy speaking with, and am able to say that there has been a love that has developed between this young Man and I. I trust that he will do the right thing for my daughter and I do and am able to feel the vibrations between the two of them. I sense their happiness. I feel it...
...this is why he and I had conversations today. This is why I was able to look onto his face and into his dark brown eye orbs. Respect between men. I will say this, when the time comes, I am here waiting to aid him in getting to the U.S. They do make a gorgeous couple and I pray all works as they wish and as it is Great Spirit wishes. He is from a land far and far away. He will someday be a fine teacher for me.
My nephew from Near-The-Everglades, called. Our relationship's an important one to me. His wife is my niece, I have two beautiful Nieces and a mighty handsome young nephew by their Union. My nephew has a full plate and there is a request I send out for a peace be blessed to He-Who-Lives-Near-The-Everglades. Thank you for your call, but most importantly, thank you for being my nephew. I love you as If you were my son...
...I love you to deaf 1017.
One of my Tia's called just a bit ago to check in on the Great White Buffalo. Her voice was music to my ears. She is my newlywed aunt. She recently had surgery done on her foot and Honey, she was starting to say too much because I was beginning to have issues with the share-and-say. Blessed it be that her foot should heal with a quickness. These two love birds are still one their honeymoon!
My dearest Bride has checked in on me to insure I am well here in our Lodge...
...one of the hounds snores behind me. Sounded like a damned grown ass man damn it! Shit! I almost broke my neck checking on "what-the-poop?!
Love, peace and more peace, me
I have been Blessed to have had the opportunity today to speak with five + One Very Important Kinfolk in my life and this, My Path.
First I was reunited with my therapist Sir Dude. I be damned if it hasn't been almost two months since we both had a chance to gather face-to-face. So much was shared and so many things spoken that I am still taking inventory on what was exchanged in word, body and Spirit's. I am able to share that the visit was an extraordinary one. For me, I consider the content of therapy even more important than whatever it might be that draws me to this therapist. There's something that works between the both of us that clicks quite nicely...
...for this I am Blessed. I have a therapist I am able to trust. A fellow Human Spirit that I am able to confide in knowing that we are having exchanges that require two way streets. Speak as spoken.
Was able to utilize the Hartplus Mini-Bus to get me to this mornings appointment with Sir Dude. What an awesome experience it was! A fellow drove up to this Lodge this morning - running late on his schedule, but got me to Sir Dude's office with time to spare. And then later, another fellow was ready and waiting for me after my appointment was said and done. The Baby-Face was out in the parking lot waiting for me. For me?
For this I am Blessed because I know that I now have a source of transportation that will assist me in getting to appointments and home from appointments. Thank you Great Spirit. This morning I felt like the Lil' Feller in me headed off to school on the bus for the first time. How humbling and how gracious that my Bride and I should leave at the same time and was able to wave and blow a kiss while in traffic...
...my heart felt so Innocent...
Damn it how I love that Woman!
Shortly after getting home from my travels on the Mini-Bus, I was able to connect with my daughter who lives far and far away. It makes my eye orbs happy. It makes my Daddy Heart so very happy. My dearest Honorable Daughter number One, has a male companion that I respect, enjoy speaking with, and am able to say that there has been a love that has developed between this young Man and I. I trust that he will do the right thing for my daughter and I do and am able to feel the vibrations between the two of them. I sense their happiness. I feel it...
...this is why he and I had conversations today. This is why I was able to look onto his face and into his dark brown eye orbs. Respect between men. I will say this, when the time comes, I am here waiting to aid him in getting to the U.S. They do make a gorgeous couple and I pray all works as they wish and as it is Great Spirit wishes. He is from a land far and far away. He will someday be a fine teacher for me.
My nephew from Near-The-Everglades, called. Our relationship's an important one to me. His wife is my niece, I have two beautiful Nieces and a mighty handsome young nephew by their Union. My nephew has a full plate and there is a request I send out for a peace be blessed to He-Who-Lives-Near-The-Everglades. Thank you for your call, but most importantly, thank you for being my nephew. I love you as If you were my son...
...I love you to deaf 1017.
One of my Tia's called just a bit ago to check in on the Great White Buffalo. Her voice was music to my ears. She is my newlywed aunt. She recently had surgery done on her foot and Honey, she was starting to say too much because I was beginning to have issues with the share-and-say. Blessed it be that her foot should heal with a quickness. These two love birds are still one their honeymoon!
My dearest Bride has checked in on me to insure I am well here in our Lodge...
...one of the hounds snores behind me. Sounded like a damned grown ass man damn it! Shit! I almost broke my neck checking on "what-the-poop?!
Love, peace and more peace, me
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Queen - Who Wants To Live Forever (HQ) (Live At Wembley 86)
A musical gift to all Kin and Relations.
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!
Love, peace and peace, Mario
Therapy In The Morn And First Time Adventure Out Solo
Relations,
Just a quick note and message to report I will be off and alone for transport to visit with Sir Dude in the morrow.
My first therapy session in way to long a period - will cover my past several weeks. This visit, I plan, will cover as many aspects of this period as possible. Sure has been a bunch of shit to build up. Perfect timing for a mental enema. For sure.
Come morning. I will be prepared for my first trip out and about using the Hartplus service of our mass transit system here. I will be picked up and taken to therapy and afterwards will be picked up for a return trip home...
...I feel like a kid getting ready for the first day of school, I am so anxious, but so damned happy!I am happy yes, and nervous too! What a cocktail of Humanoid Chemistry.
Wish me well! Am off to dream world!
Have a chat with Great Spirit for a spell...
...love, peace and more peace, Mario
P.S. The one who killed the Black youth, Master Martin, has been arrested and is facing Murder in the Second Degree. All thanks and praise goes to you, my Great Spirit.
Just a quick note and message to report I will be off and alone for transport to visit with Sir Dude in the morrow.
My first therapy session in way to long a period - will cover my past several weeks. This visit, I plan, will cover as many aspects of this period as possible. Sure has been a bunch of shit to build up. Perfect timing for a mental enema. For sure.
Come morning. I will be prepared for my first trip out and about using the Hartplus service of our mass transit system here. I will be picked up and taken to therapy and afterwards will be picked up for a return trip home...
...I feel like a kid getting ready for the first day of school, I am so anxious, but so damned happy!I am happy yes, and nervous too! What a cocktail of Humanoid Chemistry.
Wish me well! Am off to dream world!
Have a chat with Great Spirit for a spell...
...love, peace and more peace, Mario
P.S. The one who killed the Black youth, Master Martin, has been arrested and is facing Murder in the Second Degree. All thanks and praise goes to you, my Great Spirit.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Meniere's Wants Me To Sleep
I have my surroundings as peaceful as possible. There is White Sage from California burning and smoking softly to my right. All access to the Lodge is locked and secured and our hounds stand attention twenty four hours a day. My windows are Blessed and at each seal is a Crystal or two.
Since tea, I've thought I would sit here and be productive with my mind and fingers rather than hit the sofa or bed. That's why I'm here at the moment. Really.
This is also assisting in me staying awake while above water. I don't want to sleep while I'm here in Aqualanta. Hey, I don't want to sleep, so I come here to listen to Motor-Booty Affair, by Parliament. Sometimes some Funk is required to Funktion. It works it's way down my One Ear Hole to my Brain...
...I have been a Mother Funker since the Early 1970's. Heey-Ho...
Anyways, I've been combating the sleep this day long and am knowing that Meniere's is a factor in my wanting to sleep so bad. I have had the Basket of Symptoms and have dealt the best possible with each one. As they present - I do what I must do.
Granted, much has been time asleep, but there's been awake times as well. At the moment, I am living and living in the skin I'm in...
...listening to the beeps, crickets and chopper's from the Vietnam War era..."whomp-whomp-whomp"! No there isn't no damned Florida 5-O out of doors and this is a neighborhood that gets "chopped", every once in a while - but there isn't any damned helicopters in the sky of my back yard. The beep's have been acting up in alot and always peculiar times. In and out of my One Ear Hole as well as the One that is Out Of Sound. For Pete's damned sake, I heard a "beep", sure as the day is bright, and we don't have any appliances that may have reason to beep. IDK...
...BUT, I did listen to one loud beep. Now, on the other hand the beeping has been going off like quick fire and unceasing at times. Maddening! Especially when it begins to sound like messages in Morse Code. With this recent operation, I have not a damned doubt that I'll be picking up more receptions and in a clearer state - based upon this Satellite Dish from Puerto Rico carved into/onto my skull. Why Hell, I'm already picking up signals from within North America and from without. As in the F.B.I., C.I.A., The K.G.B, and the U,K. On very special nights I am able to listen to African communications and the affairs of many.
I have had two shower's in past twelve hours. Potential for another. Just because I'm feeling a bit dirty from the sweats and perspiration's. My fresh bandanna is moist from this. The crown of my skull and head perspires right at this moment. There is the Velcro Strap that keeps my Glasscock around my head nice and real firm like. In case you did not receive the previous blog, the baseball catcher's cup that sits over the left deaf ear is called a Glasscock by its manufacturer. Some folks, like me, have dirty minds. Hell, I'm not gonna lie about it. Ha!!
Well then, I think I'll be off for a breathe of fresh air out of doors.
I am willing to do anything that will assist me in staying awake. Staying Alive.
Love, peace and more peace........me
Since tea, I've thought I would sit here and be productive with my mind and fingers rather than hit the sofa or bed. That's why I'm here at the moment. Really.
This is also assisting in me staying awake while above water. I don't want to sleep while I'm here in Aqualanta. Hey, I don't want to sleep, so I come here to listen to Motor-Booty Affair, by Parliament. Sometimes some Funk is required to Funktion. It works it's way down my One Ear Hole to my Brain...
...I have been a Mother Funker since the Early 1970's. Heey-Ho...
Anyways, I've been combating the sleep this day long and am knowing that Meniere's is a factor in my wanting to sleep so bad. I have had the Basket of Symptoms and have dealt the best possible with each one. As they present - I do what I must do.
Granted, much has been time asleep, but there's been awake times as well. At the moment, I am living and living in the skin I'm in...
...listening to the beeps, crickets and chopper's from the Vietnam War era..."whomp-whomp-whomp"! No there isn't no damned Florida 5-O out of doors and this is a neighborhood that gets "chopped", every once in a while - but there isn't any damned helicopters in the sky of my back yard. The beep's have been acting up in alot and always peculiar times. In and out of my One Ear Hole as well as the One that is Out Of Sound. For Pete's damned sake, I heard a "beep", sure as the day is bright, and we don't have any appliances that may have reason to beep. IDK...
...BUT, I did listen to one loud beep. Now, on the other hand the beeping has been going off like quick fire and unceasing at times. Maddening! Especially when it begins to sound like messages in Morse Code. With this recent operation, I have not a damned doubt that I'll be picking up more receptions and in a clearer state - based upon this Satellite Dish from Puerto Rico carved into/onto my skull. Why Hell, I'm already picking up signals from within North America and from without. As in the F.B.I., C.I.A., The K.G.B, and the U,K. On very special nights I am able to listen to African communications and the affairs of many.
I have had two shower's in past twelve hours. Potential for another. Just because I'm feeling a bit dirty from the sweats and perspiration's. My fresh bandanna is moist from this. The crown of my skull and head perspires right at this moment. There is the Velcro Strap that keeps my Glasscock around my head nice and real firm like. In case you did not receive the previous blog, the baseball catcher's cup that sits over the left deaf ear is called a Glasscock by its manufacturer. Some folks, like me, have dirty minds. Hell, I'm not gonna lie about it. Ha!!
Well then, I think I'll be off for a breathe of fresh air out of doors.
I am willing to do anything that will assist me in staying awake. Staying Alive.
Love, peace and more peace........me
I Walk Differently Wearing My Glasscock
Relations,
Today is 10 April, 2012. Shortly passed noon. Woke up this morning at 0700 and have fought from going back to sleep since. On Easter Evening, prior to sun set, close to 1900 I went to bed and slept until yesterday night at 2115. Shy of two hours later I returned to sleep. I'd rather not count the hours so I haven't.
Today, I want to stay awake.
Have been able to connect via Skype with my Honorable Daughter Number One, who lives far and far away. We caught up on things and she helped me fight the sleep. I have had the fortune of crossing Path's via telephone with a member of my Kinship. My Niece from Not-Far-From-The-Everglades, called and we had extraordinary connections and talks. What a special surprise for me. (And It was a splendid way of remaining awake). Some super motivational cosmic exchange of energy and what awesome love exchanged between Tio and Niece. Thank you Dahlin', you too carry extraordinary medicine. Your whole Family, carries this my dear. From your eldest child to your youngest. The medicine is there from parents to children and it's apparent to see that you and family also are walking differently.
I have continued to bleed since Friday, but bleed only onto and into the dressing cap I diligently wear. I continue to have pains in the area from the surgery that took place two weeks ago yesterday. I can report that swelling has gone down and I sense a healing taking place now. That was something I could not say until just this moment. It feels awesome to say it. Nice to read too!
I am keeping my eye's open and share with all Relations that I do in fact feel a change in my step since last Friday morning. I know I'm lighter in weight, thus there is a bright pep-in-my-step is taking place for sure...
...I'm walking differently.
It's just that I know something happened in my mind, heart, Spirit's and Soul that morning. Last Friday morning. If it were not for Great Spirit's intervention, I have a knowing that I would not be here today. In my simple mind it does not make sense that I lost so much blood and lived to tell it. Blessed, simply. And I know this.
No, I can not explain why not dialing the 911 for emergency services. Other than I didn't want them tearing and ripping up my Lodge, I can't make any excuses. I figured it was my time...
...I was very truly knocking on heavens door, I had no fear and had a calm that I wish I could funnel into jars to take a sip every once in a bit. What an experience it was indeed. Blessed.
This has been a huge educational piece for me. For my Bride, Kinfolk and Neighbours too. We can not afford one of those "Help I've fallen and can't get up" mechanisms - so we'll figure a way to keep me safe and a finger tip away from emergency aid. I've got to keep walking differently on this piece for sure.
Have I said this has been a huge educational piece for me? Honey please...
Wait! Please wait! I must report, inform and pass on the correct name of this baseball catcher's cup resting on the left side of my skull and head. It's tilting to the left side of my left deaf side. I will provide item name, manufacturer, and item number in case some one may have the need. It is the S-100, Glasscock Ear Dressing Kit. Oh yes, it is manufactured by oTomed. I do beg your pardon if you did not find any humour in this Glasscock, I apologize. I have a Glasscock on my head. It covers my entire left ear, implant and site of surgery. I rather fancy my Glasscock. This One most defiantly because it's made for an Adult Skull/Head. Wore a child's size "maybe" twenty four hours...now really. The Glasscock touches my face sometimes. My Glasscock...
...has me walking differently.
Good Day.
Today is 10 April, 2012. Shortly passed noon. Woke up this morning at 0700 and have fought from going back to sleep since. On Easter Evening, prior to sun set, close to 1900 I went to bed and slept until yesterday night at 2115. Shy of two hours later I returned to sleep. I'd rather not count the hours so I haven't.
Today, I want to stay awake.
Have been able to connect via Skype with my Honorable Daughter Number One, who lives far and far away. We caught up on things and she helped me fight the sleep. I have had the fortune of crossing Path's via telephone with a member of my Kinship. My Niece from Not-Far-From-The-Everglades, called and we had extraordinary connections and talks. What a special surprise for me. (And It was a splendid way of remaining awake). Some super motivational cosmic exchange of energy and what awesome love exchanged between Tio and Niece. Thank you Dahlin', you too carry extraordinary medicine. Your whole Family, carries this my dear. From your eldest child to your youngest. The medicine is there from parents to children and it's apparent to see that you and family also are walking differently.
I have continued to bleed since Friday, but bleed only onto and into the dressing cap I diligently wear. I continue to have pains in the area from the surgery that took place two weeks ago yesterday. I can report that swelling has gone down and I sense a healing taking place now. That was something I could not say until just this moment. It feels awesome to say it. Nice to read too!
I am keeping my eye's open and share with all Relations that I do in fact feel a change in my step since last Friday morning. I know I'm lighter in weight, thus there is a bright pep-in-my-step is taking place for sure...
...I'm walking differently.
It's just that I know something happened in my mind, heart, Spirit's and Soul that morning. Last Friday morning. If it were not for Great Spirit's intervention, I have a knowing that I would not be here today. In my simple mind it does not make sense that I lost so much blood and lived to tell it. Blessed, simply. And I know this.
No, I can not explain why not dialing the 911 for emergency services. Other than I didn't want them tearing and ripping up my Lodge, I can't make any excuses. I figured it was my time...
...I was very truly knocking on heavens door, I had no fear and had a calm that I wish I could funnel into jars to take a sip every once in a bit. What an experience it was indeed. Blessed.
This has been a huge educational piece for me. For my Bride, Kinfolk and Neighbours too. We can not afford one of those "Help I've fallen and can't get up" mechanisms - so we'll figure a way to keep me safe and a finger tip away from emergency aid. I've got to keep walking differently on this piece for sure.
Have I said this has been a huge educational piece for me? Honey please...
Wait! Please wait! I must report, inform and pass on the correct name of this baseball catcher's cup resting on the left side of my skull and head. It's tilting to the left side of my left deaf side. I will provide item name, manufacturer, and item number in case some one may have the need. It is the S-100, Glasscock Ear Dressing Kit. Oh yes, it is manufactured by oTomed. I do beg your pardon if you did not find any humour in this Glasscock, I apologize. I have a Glasscock on my head. It covers my entire left ear, implant and site of surgery. I rather fancy my Glasscock. This One most defiantly because it's made for an Adult Skull/Head. Wore a child's size "maybe" twenty four hours...now really. The Glasscock touches my face sometimes. My Glasscock...
...has me walking differently.
Good Day.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
A Massive Bleed And Life With Meniere's, For Life I will Remember This
Dearest Relations,
Good Evening.
There was something that happened yesterday morning that I've thought upon, cried about this afternoon and feel time to open up about this. After coming home from doctors office yesterday I connected then slept from late after noon, last night and today up until 1640. I slept and rested. Today is Saturday, 08 April 2012.
I am very dizzy at this moment - so I'll take my time tip-tapping. You see, yesterday morning at 1020, I had a mishap with this wound on and in the left side of my skull. I was having a sit down in the lav - had completed whatever and was prepared to remove myself from this room when I felt this warm rush of "something" flowing on and down the front my left shoulder...
...I touched and looked and realized I was bleeding badly again from the wound from surgery.
Only this was something much more than a bad bleeding, I was observing the Liquid of My Life and My Path, flush from my head/skull/neck at an alarming rate. With every beat of my heart and with every breath exhaled, my blood gushed from my skull. While there on the commode I would grab several pulls of the tissue to wipe the blood from my neck - time and time again I failed. There simply was not enough tissue nor was there enough time to keep going through motions. I had collected more than a cup or two of my beautiful deep red blood in my t-shirt. So much of it - it created a bulging load that gave way to gravity and was pulling down towards the floor of my bath room. There was so much blood flowing, so as to create a huge puddle at the base of commode and tub. The yellow carpet and tile in the front of me looked like blood splatter from a movie. My blue plaid Bermuda shorts were so heavy by the weight of my blood that they easily fell to my ankles. I removed my Native threads T-shirt in my tub...
...so much had accumulated in my t-shirt that a pudding had formed. Right there at my heart level the life sustaining life fluid had morphed into a damned pudding! Clot's of blood were flowing with the tied of blood. I noticed the huge clots looked alot like little kidneys or what not. The smell was too fucking metallic! Beyond Iron or some scent of metal, this smelled like freshly poured metal from fire to cool. There was small pieces of what ever it is called the lives between my head and my skull. Once, and just for a flash, I thought brain "bits". I watched as my blood dripped from my privates...
...how the blood created a path to my privates. It was so sick! Am I such a Damned fool?
I turned on the shower and tried to let water wash me over and very shortly there after realized I was going into shock. Had gone into shock. My head was going light - had gone light with a quickness and my limbs heavy. All along, I remained in full bleed. I turned off the water and laid down on the cold wet tub. Completely naked. Except for the blue bandanna wrapped about my neck. I had taken a photo of my self and sent to my Bride. I really couldn't nor wanted to say much while laying there. Brenda and my baby sister Linda were both on the way home. So I laid there. A time with my B.I.L., Pete on the telephone and alot of time by myself...
...I had realized the symptoms about the shock thing because of my Orderly background and dozens and dozens of First Aid Certifications. I simply did for self what I hope One would do for me in an emergency.
I continued to bleed quite badly. Too much. Heavily. I felt the contrast in the temperature of my "Rich In Heritage" blood spill from this Mother Earth body onto the cold white tub. The bathroom looks totally different looking from the floor up. Note to Self: *Time to buy a new toiletry stand for shower*. There was a period in the tub when it was not necessary for me to speak. Or listen to a voice speak. I was not afraid. I was felling a calm I am unable to express or explain. I felt the back of my head and it felt like jam and jelly and preserves all mixed up with blood clots in my brown curls. I thought of the blue sky I had seen out just minutes before. Thought of a couple of girls I knew in school. One of the two, I knew in school was at that very moment texting me a message. I was thinking of she and she of me. So crazy great! There was a sort of cosmic connection there Golden Eye:) The phone was on top of the shower rail. It vibrated four or five times then went silent. I thought, she would understand...
...I had a feeling two or three times when I thought I was near death and I suspect that I may had been closer than I think.. My Great Spirit decided that today was not the day for this Human Spirit to cross over. There were some very personal connections there cold, bloody and naked. Except for the blue bandanna.
I was so eager for my Bride to get home. My baby sister, left her job at the hospital and got here first, but had no way in. My Bride was able to connect via cell device that she was just a minute or two away. I was very happy to say the least. I had to prepare them for what they were about to see and I was a bit concerned my Dahlin' would freak out for such a fuckin' bloody mess. I knew by their voice that there really was a big mess and I was a part of this bloody mess. I remember saying, "Hey, I don't want my baby sister seeing my junk!"...
...they worked together as a team, cleaned up the pools of blood, my clothes (that required to cycles in the wash), blood splatter and my Babe, assisted me in gaining my wits and showering off to be taken straight away to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and the TGH. I know my baby sister had a freak out. God Bless You, my dearest baby Sister, I saw it in your eye's. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain looked at me and the wound, we had a heart-to-heart and we've decided on a different route of healing for the wounds.
That's the way this Team of mine Rolls.
I cried this afternoon because I knew I had come mighty close to dieing. I now know there really is no reason for me the fear death. I believe strongly that yes, I did in fact use up a Cat Life yesterday morning. Yes! It was a great day to die! But, My Great Spirit, my bride, my baby sister and Doc. had other plans. Had it all figured out...
...alright then, I had forgotten...
Wow. Life with Meniere's.
Good Evening.
There was something that happened yesterday morning that I've thought upon, cried about this afternoon and feel time to open up about this. After coming home from doctors office yesterday I connected then slept from late after noon, last night and today up until 1640. I slept and rested. Today is Saturday, 08 April 2012.
I am very dizzy at this moment - so I'll take my time tip-tapping. You see, yesterday morning at 1020, I had a mishap with this wound on and in the left side of my skull. I was having a sit down in the lav - had completed whatever and was prepared to remove myself from this room when I felt this warm rush of "something" flowing on and down the front my left shoulder...
...I touched and looked and realized I was bleeding badly again from the wound from surgery.
Only this was something much more than a bad bleeding, I was observing the Liquid of My Life and My Path, flush from my head/skull/neck at an alarming rate. With every beat of my heart and with every breath exhaled, my blood gushed from my skull. While there on the commode I would grab several pulls of the tissue to wipe the blood from my neck - time and time again I failed. There simply was not enough tissue nor was there enough time to keep going through motions. I had collected more than a cup or two of my beautiful deep red blood in my t-shirt. So much of it - it created a bulging load that gave way to gravity and was pulling down towards the floor of my bath room. There was so much blood flowing, so as to create a huge puddle at the base of commode and tub. The yellow carpet and tile in the front of me looked like blood splatter from a movie. My blue plaid Bermuda shorts were so heavy by the weight of my blood that they easily fell to my ankles. I removed my Native threads T-shirt in my tub...
...so much had accumulated in my t-shirt that a pudding had formed. Right there at my heart level the life sustaining life fluid had morphed into a damned pudding! Clot's of blood were flowing with the tied of blood. I noticed the huge clots looked alot like little kidneys or what not. The smell was too fucking metallic! Beyond Iron or some scent of metal, this smelled like freshly poured metal from fire to cool. There was small pieces of what ever it is called the lives between my head and my skull. Once, and just for a flash, I thought brain "bits". I watched as my blood dripped from my privates...
...how the blood created a path to my privates. It was so sick! Am I such a Damned fool?
I turned on the shower and tried to let water wash me over and very shortly there after realized I was going into shock. Had gone into shock. My head was going light - had gone light with a quickness and my limbs heavy. All along, I remained in full bleed. I turned off the water and laid down on the cold wet tub. Completely naked. Except for the blue bandanna wrapped about my neck. I had taken a photo of my self and sent to my Bride. I really couldn't nor wanted to say much while laying there. Brenda and my baby sister Linda were both on the way home. So I laid there. A time with my B.I.L., Pete on the telephone and alot of time by myself...
...I had realized the symptoms about the shock thing because of my Orderly background and dozens and dozens of First Aid Certifications. I simply did for self what I hope One would do for me in an emergency.
I continued to bleed quite badly. Too much. Heavily. I felt the contrast in the temperature of my "Rich In Heritage" blood spill from this Mother Earth body onto the cold white tub. The bathroom looks totally different looking from the floor up. Note to Self: *Time to buy a new toiletry stand for shower*. There was a period in the tub when it was not necessary for me to speak. Or listen to a voice speak. I was not afraid. I was felling a calm I am unable to express or explain. I felt the back of my head and it felt like jam and jelly and preserves all mixed up with blood clots in my brown curls. I thought of the blue sky I had seen out just minutes before. Thought of a couple of girls I knew in school. One of the two, I knew in school was at that very moment texting me a message. I was thinking of she and she of me. So crazy great! There was a sort of cosmic connection there Golden Eye:) The phone was on top of the shower rail. It vibrated four or five times then went silent. I thought, she would understand...
...I had a feeling two or three times when I thought I was near death and I suspect that I may had been closer than I think.. My Great Spirit decided that today was not the day for this Human Spirit to cross over. There were some very personal connections there cold, bloody and naked. Except for the blue bandanna.
I was so eager for my Bride to get home. My baby sister, left her job at the hospital and got here first, but had no way in. My Bride was able to connect via cell device that she was just a minute or two away. I was very happy to say the least. I had to prepare them for what they were about to see and I was a bit concerned my Dahlin' would freak out for such a fuckin' bloody mess. I knew by their voice that there really was a big mess and I was a part of this bloody mess. I remember saying, "Hey, I don't want my baby sister seeing my junk!"...
...they worked together as a team, cleaned up the pools of blood, my clothes (that required to cycles in the wash), blood splatter and my Babe, assisted me in gaining my wits and showering off to be taken straight away to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and the TGH. I know my baby sister had a freak out. God Bless You, my dearest baby Sister, I saw it in your eye's. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain looked at me and the wound, we had a heart-to-heart and we've decided on a different route of healing for the wounds.
That's the way this Team of mine Rolls.
I cried this afternoon because I knew I had come mighty close to dieing. I now know there really is no reason for me the fear death. I believe strongly that yes, I did in fact use up a Cat Life yesterday morning. Yes! It was a great day to die! But, My Great Spirit, my bride, my baby sister and Doc. had other plans. Had it all figured out...
...alright then, I had forgotten...
Wow. Life with Meniere's.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Post Surgery, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and "The Wound"
Am pleased to report that our visit with He-Who-Touched-My-Brains, went quite well. Doctor is pleased with the goings along. There is much to heal, as we all learned today, but Doc was pleased. There is more pain and discomfort to come. I so thought this was it. He removed the disc from the surgerical site, cleaned it off, provided my Bride with a quick little in service and while reapplying the disc - in turn gave this rubbery/plastic and it's 2 X a day process to Brenda...
...my Bride, Doctor, Nurse, BFFF all-in-one. My Babe, gets stuck with this every operation.
This is the absolute first time Brenda grossed out while dressing the wound. It happened post shower and wash of my skull, after so many days waiting. Speaking of which, while taking a wonderfully luke warm shower, I could feel the flap of incision from surgery. Flip-flap in the shower. Gross shit for sure. I was informed at hospital last week that there were stitches under the flesh...
...um, not according to what Brenda didn't see under this disc.There remains a good bleed and I am concerned with this rudimentary plastic/rubber transparent disc - "all sign's" of what is occurring beneath it is visible for all to see, in all of this rich grossness. Even though much better, a foul smell remains and I do not know if I have mentioned this before, but I do not like smelling an unkempt me.
Please, I brush the tooth twice a day, a swish with Listerine, I shower as many times a day as I must, I use ethnic soap which is mild and good for my skin, and I shower my balding head daily. I do my own nails, because I do not trust the Folks at Sunny Sue's Nails and Salon. Them or their environment. Scares me to deaf! Hell, I'm afraid to go with Brenda! Ha! Please!
But really, this surgical site grossed the poop out of my Dear. And I want one of those damned ill shape baseball catcher cups so bad!! Yeah-yeah, I know - right? I couldn't wait to rid myself of this wound seal, now I wish there was a replacement for the one disposed in bio-hazardous material red bags. Gross! But, my Kindred, I will be making a call to my Doctors office at the start of day. Also want to see if He-Who, would re-create a disc for me. This one is too small for what it needs to do. He saw that today and also observed where this disc acted as a blade and sliced into the skin flap of my scalp. Oh, the disgusting soup this creates in my stomach while thinking of the all of this.
Doc., wants me back in two weeks as a surgical follow up...
...my Crystal Ball whispers there shall be issues with the healing process's. I am not afraid, I am certain. I am actually surprised to see with my own eye's how disgusting and perhaps even disturbing to know everybody and everyone has a birds eye view of this hole in my head encircled by, and with-in it's own satellite dish.
Brothers and Sisters, I assure you, this is a certain site indeed.
All-in-all, I am pleased with our visit with He-who-Touched-My-Brain. I love him and his Staff as if they are My Kinfolk. In special ways - they have indeed become kinfolk. I love them all.
On this matter, I have no more to say at this time.
Love, peace and more peace, me
...my Bride, Doctor, Nurse, BFFF all-in-one. My Babe, gets stuck with this every operation.
This is the absolute first time Brenda grossed out while dressing the wound. It happened post shower and wash of my skull, after so many days waiting. Speaking of which, while taking a wonderfully luke warm shower, I could feel the flap of incision from surgery. Flip-flap in the shower. Gross shit for sure. I was informed at hospital last week that there were stitches under the flesh...
...um, not according to what Brenda didn't see under this disc.There remains a good bleed and I am concerned with this rudimentary plastic/rubber transparent disc - "all sign's" of what is occurring beneath it is visible for all to see, in all of this rich grossness. Even though much better, a foul smell remains and I do not know if I have mentioned this before, but I do not like smelling an unkempt me.
Please, I brush the tooth twice a day, a swish with Listerine, I shower as many times a day as I must, I use ethnic soap which is mild and good for my skin, and I shower my balding head daily. I do my own nails, because I do not trust the Folks at Sunny Sue's Nails and Salon. Them or their environment. Scares me to deaf! Hell, I'm afraid to go with Brenda! Ha! Please!
But really, this surgical site grossed the poop out of my Dear. And I want one of those damned ill shape baseball catcher cups so bad!! Yeah-yeah, I know - right? I couldn't wait to rid myself of this wound seal, now I wish there was a replacement for the one disposed in bio-hazardous material red bags. Gross! But, my Kindred, I will be making a call to my Doctors office at the start of day. Also want to see if He-Who, would re-create a disc for me. This one is too small for what it needs to do. He saw that today and also observed where this disc acted as a blade and sliced into the skin flap of my scalp. Oh, the disgusting soup this creates in my stomach while thinking of the all of this.
Doc., wants me back in two weeks as a surgical follow up...
...my Crystal Ball whispers there shall be issues with the healing process's. I am not afraid, I am certain. I am actually surprised to see with my own eye's how disgusting and perhaps even disturbing to know everybody and everyone has a birds eye view of this hole in my head encircled by, and with-in it's own satellite dish.
Brothers and Sisters, I assure you, this is a certain site indeed.
All-in-all, I am pleased with our visit with He-who-Touched-My-Brain. I love him and his Staff as if they are My Kinfolk. In special ways - they have indeed become kinfolk. I love them all.
On this matter, I have no more to say at this time.
Love, peace and more peace, me
Meniere's Issues And An Appointment This Afternoon
I'll be sitting with my good Doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain within the next two or so hours. An appointment could not have been timelier. What with last night's bleeding, the stench and the pains from site of surgery, the left side of face and down the left side of my neck. Am still wearing the by now bloody and yucky plastic cap.
Dear God, please let it be so Doctor removes this cap-in-an-odd-place from my skull today.
How apropos the Meniere's is acting up and foolish...
...nausea is strong and at Adams apple. I am burping like the boy's in a pub and so far it isn't showing signs of letting go.
The dizziness and "light headiness" has had me feeling a few yards of tipsy since I woke up this morning. My balance and coordination is not coordinating a plan to keep me from bumping into these walls that move in my Lodge. Or this "John Wayne", furniture made from thick sturdy wood that seem to sometimes just get in the way. Which wasn't in the way moments ago.
I have sweat, perspired and misted all in less than two hours. This has been going on non-stop since first thing upon wakening.
There is a beyond maddening beep going on in my Left Deaf Ear. It seems to be a new and improved Morse Code. That or the operator is very experienced and is sending out May-Day to his KGB Comrade's in the forest of fallen trees. It beeps to me that the KGB is working along side the CIA on this one. I am translating that Moscow has given the approval for the removal of an Iranian Ex-Pat no longer welcome on Mother Earth.
My right ear is listening to the swamps of the South Western Everglades - gators, frogs, crickets and night birds. In the middle of a broad day light...
...and I reside in West Central Florida. Yesterday, I had a jet plane engine parked out back with the engine reeving up to go no where.
Yes, Relations, I have eaten my medications, except for pain relief which I shall take now. I want to see my Doctor so really tough like.
Peace.
Dear God, please let it be so Doctor removes this cap-in-an-odd-place from my skull today.
How apropos the Meniere's is acting up and foolish...
...nausea is strong and at Adams apple. I am burping like the boy's in a pub and so far it isn't showing signs of letting go.
The dizziness and "light headiness" has had me feeling a few yards of tipsy since I woke up this morning. My balance and coordination is not coordinating a plan to keep me from bumping into these walls that move in my Lodge. Or this "John Wayne", furniture made from thick sturdy wood that seem to sometimes just get in the way. Which wasn't in the way moments ago.
I have sweat, perspired and misted all in less than two hours. This has been going on non-stop since first thing upon wakening.
There is a beyond maddening beep going on in my Left Deaf Ear. It seems to be a new and improved Morse Code. That or the operator is very experienced and is sending out May-Day to his KGB Comrade's in the forest of fallen trees. It beeps to me that the KGB is working along side the CIA on this one. I am translating that Moscow has given the approval for the removal of an Iranian Ex-Pat no longer welcome on Mother Earth.
My right ear is listening to the swamps of the South Western Everglades - gators, frogs, crickets and night birds. In the middle of a broad day light...
...and I reside in West Central Florida. Yesterday, I had a jet plane engine parked out back with the engine reeving up to go no where.
Yes, Relations, I have eaten my medications, except for pain relief which I shall take now. I want to see my Doctor so really tough like.
Peace.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Bled Like Hollywood SFX and It's A Matter Of Trust
At roughly 2115 this evening I began to bleed as if some one had attached a Hollywood SFX pumping a deep red blood with a pulse. I swear, it looked as if I had been stabbed in my neck with an ice pick - the blood grew out of my control, so I enlisted my Bride and Nurse to provide First Aid. She did and maybe 2-3 minutes later the bleeding was controlled. I was shy of shock and we were so very close to calling Doctor, but I did not want to disturb his family time. I do say though, the experience was extraordinary! I have counted my pulse with my right wrist and now I have counted my pulse by blood ejection and flow. Bled the grandest display of body and blood, bleeding from my body ever! It was so scary bloody mad bad too!
Yes, the site of surgery and this bleeding which has never really stopped still has this foul disgusting odor. There has been new and odd pains. I see He-Who-Touched-My-Brain in the morrow. We will have a face-to-face then.
Making a quick left lane change here and have engaged signal...
...I do not trust the words of One who betrays what was once thought a Kindred and Trusted relationship. When I have seen One stand for a Race, stand for "their word", proclaim a/their Race and or Nationality and then witness the switch before my eyes. I wonder...
...for me, My Path is a trusting work in progress at all times. I see it, I smell it, thus am able to see true colors. My life is too damned hectic and ill paced to play simple mind games. Trust cuts right to the chase. Dig? This break in trust requires me to inventory the situation and to do a self inventory as well. No, I don't so fucking over analyze things sometimes.
!Mario, please confirm the date and time 24 April 2012 @ 1015, is an appointment with She-Who-Cuts-And-Such!
God Blessed Be, I should have doctor appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Hey-Ya! I just realized a few minutes ago that I sadly and simply am unable to be as open and honest here on my blog, as I am able to be in my journal...
...I am as open and as honest as I see right on this blog, My Path. I operate damned near to as open as one might be inclined to be so. Like my skin color indicates, I am transparent. You see, that's just the way I roll. And there really is so much more of me to share. It's just that some Kinfolk don't want to hear words of honesty and the stories of lies, the broken promises and "the switching to accommodate". Sounds sad to be like that. Please do Bless their hearts.
Some Fool's Never Learn...
Yes, the site of surgery and this bleeding which has never really stopped still has this foul disgusting odor. There has been new and odd pains. I see He-Who-Touched-My-Brain in the morrow. We will have a face-to-face then.
Making a quick left lane change here and have engaged signal...
...I do not trust the words of One who betrays what was once thought a Kindred and Trusted relationship. When I have seen One stand for a Race, stand for "their word", proclaim a/their Race and or Nationality and then witness the switch before my eyes. I wonder...
...for me, My Path is a trusting work in progress at all times. I see it, I smell it, thus am able to see true colors. My life is too damned hectic and ill paced to play simple mind games. Trust cuts right to the chase. Dig? This break in trust requires me to inventory the situation and to do a self inventory as well. No, I don't so fucking over analyze things sometimes.
!Mario, please confirm the date and time 24 April 2012 @ 1015, is an appointment with She-Who-Cuts-And-Such!
God Blessed Be, I should have doctor appointment with He-Who-Touched-My-Brain.
Hey-Ya! I just realized a few minutes ago that I sadly and simply am unable to be as open and honest here on my blog, as I am able to be in my journal...
...I am as open and as honest as I see right on this blog, My Path. I operate damned near to as open as one might be inclined to be so. Like my skin color indicates, I am transparent. You see, that's just the way I roll. And there really is so much more of me to share. It's just that some Kinfolk don't want to hear words of honesty and the stories of lies, the broken promises and "the switching to accommodate". Sounds sad to be like that. Please do Bless their hearts.
Some Fool's Never Learn...
Note: To All Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations
This is really just a brief note to all Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,
This note could apply also to those in managerial positions, medical professionals and Folks I/We trust...
...never ever make a promise you can not keep.
It's really as simple as that. More than a favor for one - make this a commitment to all.
Please, just never ever make a promise you can't keep.
It's a hurtful place to be when One who was made a promise to, has the promise broken. Especially, when the word of the one who makes promise has broken promise before.
I'm just so tired of being lied to.
This note could apply also to those in managerial positions, medical professionals and Folks I/We trust...
...never ever make a promise you can not keep.
It's really as simple as that. More than a favor for one - make this a commitment to all.
Please, just never ever make a promise you can't keep.
It's a hurtful place to be when One who was made a promise to, has the promise broken. Especially, when the word of the one who makes promise has broken promise before.
I'm just so tired of being lied to.
Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry - Live HQ audio 1977
Relations,
A musical and audio gift for your eyes and ears...
My heart and mind know this to be true..................
...No Woman No Cry. Thank you Mr. Marley!
Love. peace and more peace,
Mario
My BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid And A New Label, "OOS"?!
Relations,
Yesterday, I was on the telephone with the Folks who do the repairing, replacing and "do" sell the BAHA. We had a longer than anticipated exchange and preparation for the repair and delivery of my BAHA. Documents that require signatures from my Audiologist, mine and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, my Doctor's signature are needed prior to authorization for repair of my BAHA are being mailed to me...
...the BAHA, is a Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I have had talks of this BAHA in previous postings. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, "IMPLANTED" an abutment device into my SKULL for the use of my BAHA, for me maybe three years ago now. Maybe? My Doctor and I have traveled a long difficult and challenging journey with MY BAHA and I. He and I have made an awesome Team and his Team and I make a fantastic team as well. Yet, since the very beginning, my BAHA, has made many travels and has been required to be returned to manufacturer on multiple occasions. There have been times like my current status, when I've needed my BAHA, could have used my BAHA even though the recent surgery. I can not wear it because it is on the property of the manufacturer. Totally, OUT-OF-MY-HANDS and the HANDS of my Doctor! There have been too many times I have had to go without my BAHA because of the amount of air mile's it was accumulating...
...if this BAHA of mine was an automobile it would have been replaced as a Lemon - THIS IS HOW MANY TIMES IT HAS BEEN SHIPPED OFF AND AWAY. By the way, I do treat my BAHA with much care - always returning it to proper storage post use. This is in fact my THIRD EAR!
During this long CONVERSATION with TWO Folks who have my BAHA. I was discriminated against on multiple occasions. OF WHICH, and at this moment I will not disclose any conversation but will share this one particular oddity, "OOS". Something I have never "heard" of in this brief history of me being SSD, Single Side Deaf or my entire life even. It really has an offensive cognition about it. This "OOS", "Out Of Sound"! I thought to myself, what the holy fuck was that? NEVER once have I heard this, so yes, I ASKED and was provided the definition of this NEW label. SHIT!
There was some damned NOT RIGHTNESS going on in the CONVERSATIONS yesterday.
Please, Relations, UNDERSTAND I am with-holding certain bits and pieces of this conversation and scenario. I consider what happened yesterday a hurtful thing. An emotional hurt that has followed me. I suspect from my DNA, that there was some not so ethical conversations going on in my right ear that listens. I am somewhat taken aback. Please try and find understanding in what it is I have shared here. I mean really, OOS? It just hits too close to the Left Side of My Heart. What? I should now be known as He-Who-Is-Out-Of-Sound?
A harsh and personal verbal kick in the package.
No more to say about this. Not for now anyways...
Yesterday, I was on the telephone with the Folks who do the repairing, replacing and "do" sell the BAHA. We had a longer than anticipated exchange and preparation for the repair and delivery of my BAHA. Documents that require signatures from my Audiologist, mine and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, my Doctor's signature are needed prior to authorization for repair of my BAHA are being mailed to me...
...the BAHA, is a Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I have had talks of this BAHA in previous postings. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, "IMPLANTED" an abutment device into my SKULL for the use of my BAHA, for me maybe three years ago now. Maybe? My Doctor and I have traveled a long difficult and challenging journey with MY BAHA and I. He and I have made an awesome Team and his Team and I make a fantastic team as well. Yet, since the very beginning, my BAHA, has made many travels and has been required to be returned to manufacturer on multiple occasions. There have been times like my current status, when I've needed my BAHA, could have used my BAHA even though the recent surgery. I can not wear it because it is on the property of the manufacturer. Totally, OUT-OF-MY-HANDS and the HANDS of my Doctor! There have been too many times I have had to go without my BAHA because of the amount of air mile's it was accumulating...
...if this BAHA of mine was an automobile it would have been replaced as a Lemon - THIS IS HOW MANY TIMES IT HAS BEEN SHIPPED OFF AND AWAY. By the way, I do treat my BAHA with much care - always returning it to proper storage post use. This is in fact my THIRD EAR!
During this long CONVERSATION with TWO Folks who have my BAHA. I was discriminated against on multiple occasions. OF WHICH, and at this moment I will not disclose any conversation but will share this one particular oddity, "OOS". Something I have never "heard" of in this brief history of me being SSD, Single Side Deaf or my entire life even. It really has an offensive cognition about it. This "OOS", "Out Of Sound"! I thought to myself, what the holy fuck was that? NEVER once have I heard this, so yes, I ASKED and was provided the definition of this NEW label. SHIT!
There was some damned NOT RIGHTNESS going on in the CONVERSATIONS yesterday.
Please, Relations, UNDERSTAND I am with-holding certain bits and pieces of this conversation and scenario. I consider what happened yesterday a hurtful thing. An emotional hurt that has followed me. I suspect from my DNA, that there was some not so ethical conversations going on in my right ear that listens. I am somewhat taken aback. Please try and find understanding in what it is I have shared here. I mean really, OOS? It just hits too close to the Left Side of My Heart. What? I should now be known as He-Who-Is-Out-Of-Sound?
A harsh and personal verbal kick in the package.
No more to say about this. Not for now anyways...
Meniere's Disease, One Week + One Day Post Surgery
One week + one day post surgery and I sit here tipitty-tapping in pain and an overwhelming guttural discomfort. This has been compounded by my still wearing the orb and cap upon the left side my head and covering my Left Deaf Ear.This is an excellent durable cup that has Velcro attachments - to cover and then wrap-a-hold of my skull. I have worn this form of wound coverage and management for these eight days with commitment, as in around the clock coverage of wound, commitment. Beneath this cap, the actual site of surgery remains to be covered by this odd sort of fleshy-plastic-rubber orb - which has had It's fit and form shape shifted over the past eight days.
I maintain a constant state of discomfort, and I suspect this healing cap has created a place where my skull has the warmth and damp condition to create it's own biology. My skull remains swollen and maintains a puffy formation under the baseball cup atop my head. An utterly foul and offensive stench has manifested at site of surgery. I am embarrassed by the wear and tear of this wound care cap. The "whole" picture" is not too damned pretty because I have not been able to was my hair, I am still bleeding, a dark rich red blood, I am able to listen to a squishing sound under my skin and the levels of pain range from a medium high pain at a seven to a medium state of pain, at a five, "while under the influence of the "Dilaudid"...
...speaking of this pain relief medication. For the past four or five nights I have had visual and audiological hallucinations. I mean like bad ones. Seeing shadows and I now know what a white shadow looks like. I have had Folks up and whisper in my left "deaf" ear. Have heard conversations and voices that sound so damned familiar, yet am unable to recognize who these Folks are or what the hell they are saying. My dear Bride reminds me, "it's only the medicine". Yes, dahlin', I know, and this is much easier for you to say Sweetie Pie, you're not the one doing like Smoky, on the movie "Friday". Running, scratching and wiggling down the street freaking out. No, I am not running down the street freaking out either, but I am the one freaking out with-in the walls of my Safe Place. With-in the safety of my skin I freak out.
I have slowly been weening myself of this medication. My Bride goes bitter by this, but I am compelled to take care of myself on a level that does not include seeing white shadows. Certainly, these hallucinations and voices were dealt with on a professional level last year. Thus, the self-conclusion, "Medicinally Induced Psychosis". The criteria is what I have shared.
There's a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", affect here. Yes, I still catch an occasional visitor to my sanctuary - but this craziness and change to my day-to-day state of mind these past few days, are most definitely affected and caused by the Dilaudid...
...yes, I may have indeed let self be in pain unnecessarily by weening the medicine, but I must do what I must for my health and sanity.
NOTE: Let it be I remind myself to advise He-Who-Touched-My-Brain in the morrow. I have a scheduled gathering at 1400. My dearest Bride will be accompanying me to clinic.
This is all I have to say for now.
I maintain a constant state of discomfort, and I suspect this healing cap has created a place where my skull has the warmth and damp condition to create it's own biology. My skull remains swollen and maintains a puffy formation under the baseball cup atop my head. An utterly foul and offensive stench has manifested at site of surgery. I am embarrassed by the wear and tear of this wound care cap. The "whole" picture" is not too damned pretty because I have not been able to was my hair, I am still bleeding, a dark rich red blood, I am able to listen to a squishing sound under my skin and the levels of pain range from a medium high pain at a seven to a medium state of pain, at a five, "while under the influence of the "Dilaudid"...
...speaking of this pain relief medication. For the past four or five nights I have had visual and audiological hallucinations. I mean like bad ones. Seeing shadows and I now know what a white shadow looks like. I have had Folks up and whisper in my left "deaf" ear. Have heard conversations and voices that sound so damned familiar, yet am unable to recognize who these Folks are or what the hell they are saying. My dear Bride reminds me, "it's only the medicine". Yes, dahlin', I know, and this is much easier for you to say Sweetie Pie, you're not the one doing like Smoky, on the movie "Friday". Running, scratching and wiggling down the street freaking out. No, I am not running down the street freaking out either, but I am the one freaking out with-in the walls of my Safe Place. With-in the safety of my skin I freak out.
I have slowly been weening myself of this medication. My Bride goes bitter by this, but I am compelled to take care of myself on a level that does not include seeing white shadows. Certainly, these hallucinations and voices were dealt with on a professional level last year. Thus, the self-conclusion, "Medicinally Induced Psychosis". The criteria is what I have shared.
There's a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", affect here. Yes, I still catch an occasional visitor to my sanctuary - but this craziness and change to my day-to-day state of mind these past few days, are most definitely affected and caused by the Dilaudid...
...yes, I may have indeed let self be in pain unnecessarily by weening the medicine, but I must do what I must for my health and sanity.
NOTE: Let it be I remind myself to advise He-Who-Touched-My-Brain in the morrow. I have a scheduled gathering at 1400. My dearest Bride will be accompanying me to clinic.
This is all I have to say for now.
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