I Am A Warrior!

Greetings Relations,

I wish to make a random list of shit that has me by the throat and doesn't leave me much space and or time to pursue other endeavors. Although I do make time to pursue what it is I must do! I will be shooting from the hip's and have this urgency to purge! I have not figured it out yet, but something was missing this afternoon over at my therapist Sir Dude's office...

...and shit, I only left his office/my safe place about and hour plus a few ago. I have not figured it out yet. Aggravation is what this is. Damn it!

Meniere's Disease is top of my list of things that screw with my head and my esteem. The whole package called Meniere's Disease. The Meniere's Attacks. Loss of work, total loss of hearing on left and also loss of balance on the left. I am losing hearing in the right ear. The balance that I have not located yet! Balance and coordination, go hand-in-hand behind my eye orbs. The nausea/vomiting/Adam's apple thing. The sweats, perspiration's and misting! Fuck! The dizziness that is a part of my every day...

...which leaves me gimpy and so affected I curse very often at myself. Which really is kind of mean. Like, I wouldn't scream or curse at Kinfolk or Kindred with such a Life Path altering situation. What? Yes, I'm considerably angry at the sounds that live and dwell with-in both of my ears. This crap just isn't right that I listen to noise in a deaf ear. (?) Help!

Having to walk with the aid of a cane and or walker. This entire piece.

The Worm's who like life between my flesh and skull. On both sides now. I do have some good news though, my right eye has stopped twitching!

All FALLS are terrifying! I don't give ten pounds of Cow Dung what other people say or do. What the hell is cool about random falls? What's so cool about being dizzy most of my day and life.

I used to think I grew accustomed to Folks who like to stare and glare at my implant and or processor. Have just recently learned that there is still a part of me that can not stand it when the ill mannered Folk conduct their review of what is sticking from my head! My demeanor has changed quite a bit, but then the "perfect ass hole" wants to get a closer look and will travel down another isle at the Super Market to get another peek. Ass holes!

The fact that my sight has been affected by meniere's and that I am positive this also affects my Rhino/Nose functioning. My smell senses have become very sharp and offensive smells become even worse. What once smelled nice to me smells horrendous now.

Having to ask and beg for transport. Having to chose which appointments are more important than other appointments. Having to decide to set aside this lump on Mr. Wang or therapy or He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs. And pray that the one who has committed does not renege. Which has happened before.

I hate that I have had to go through this process for transportation from Mass Transit. As if going through motions. Yes, I'm anxious. Maybe even scared for some reason. Afraid I should be denied. That would bust my gut and my heart...

...it sucks that "ALL" of them who came up with the "oh, just call", "if you need me for anything - call". Woman fucking please! And most of these are Kinfolk too! Please!

I must remind myself everyday that I am a Warrior! I Survived the rapes, molestations and incest! I have survived the battles of inner turmoil that no one on Mother Earth need ever experience! I am a Survivor and a Warrior!

If I survived that and it's memories, nightmares and flash backs - I can sure as hell survive this bull shit disease. The One Major thing I have LEARNED from and through all of this, I can sure as shit bet on who's who when it comes to Kinfolk and or 'friend's". Bull fucking shit!

There is much more I could go on and on about, but I think it best I remember this...

...I am a Warrior!