Tribal Grounds Coffee, Cherokee, An Awesome Experiance

I was a fortunate one to come across this awesomely incredible coffee house, "Tribal Grounds Coffee", in Cherokee, NC.
.
I have typed up a note to share with the ownership the type of experience I had in her Coffee House.
One copy via snail mail and one by e-mail...
...and this simple recognition here of a small company doing what we used to do with Big-Coffee-House-Name. Oh, how I do really miss those days! What fun and what life altering experiances from working with the most Legendary Coffee Company in the world. I lived the life!

In our busy or not-so-busy day-to-day lives, I have witnessed how fast One is to deal harshly with experiences...

...I don't want to let the negatives out weigh the positives.

My nature?

Here is a copy of the letter I have put together for Ms. Smith and the folks at Tribal Grounds Coffee Company in Cherokee:

Tribal Grounds Coffee                                                                                                        29 February 2012

938 Tsalagi Road

Cherokee, NC 28719

Attn: Natalie Smith,

Coffee Roaster and Retailer

Dear Ms. Smith,

I wanted to jot down a couple/few things about my recent visit to Tribal Grounds Coffee, there in Cherokee. I share with you that since my visit I have considered this experience the absolute best ever!

 From the moment we, my wife and I walked in, I was greeted with and by the very  essence of what having a Coffee Company is all about, the aroma of beans being roasted right there on premises.  This is a Holy Aroma. Only Coffee House’s such as yours, represent this beverage at a beyond and above positive experience.

 We were very shortly there- after greeted by a young lady. She was very friendly, helpful and respectful. I decided on a quad Elk and Ms. Smith; please let me report to you this very day that this young lady created the absolute CRAZY BEST Latte` I have EVER had in all my years. For some reason the “ole recruiter” came out of me and I began to ask her questions and creating conversation. I introduced my wife and me and learned that your barista’s name is Dakota…

…she was straight to the point a trained Barista. And “no”, she is not interested in talking with another company. In our business, that is called, “Employee Satisfaction” and or “Employee Commitment”. Ms. Smith, she had just hand crafted a beverage I had never tried before. The presentation was +100%!  The foam she created had the consistency and flavor of a marsh mellow. The quality of product was “off-the-chain”!

 I suspect you have a keeper with Dakota, Ms. Smith. By the way, your Roaster took a moment to wave at me, your house” was very clean and I simply must say, Miss. Dakota represented you and Tribal Grounds Coffee as if the company belonged to her.

Thank you, Ms. Smith for being out there for those of us who really enjoy the crafting of an awesome cup of coffee. As a matter of fact, I applaud you! You have remembered what my wonderful and fantastically legendary Green Apron has forgotten.

Please do share this with Dakota, if you don’t mind. She is one heck of a person and one hell of an advocate for what she does for a living, while taking care of us both. You, the Employer and I, the very satisfied  customer.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for the best latte` ever and thank you for the best Coffee House experience EVER!

Love, peace and more peace…………..Mario Sierra III

Part 1 - Cherokee History As You've Never Heard It

This very truly is Cherokee History As You've Never Heard It. My Great Spirit, Thank You for Blessing me with this all too brief lesson to share with Kindred and All Relations. A Cherokee History. As You've Never Heard It.............ever.

To Cherokee, By Way Of Macon and Flowery Branch Georgia

Greetings and welcome!

To One and all Kindred and Relations! I wish to extend a welcome to all of our Kindred from South Korea, Iceland, Serbia, and The Ukraine. Greeting's to guests from Latvia, Slovenia, France, Columbia, Poland and Kenya. "We", welcome you to a place where it is I am able to speak, talk and share, safely. A place where One, "you",  is able to talk and share safely. No judges.

 My Path...

...a place where Meniere's Disease is spoken of and the shitty symptoms that are a daily part of my life as they are. No "make pretty" shit here. On this, My Path, I speak of the this life of mine and the events, trauma, gladness, Blessings and I will pepper my language with profanity from time to time. It all depends. I speak of the yester-year's straight through to this very moment. I speak and share from my Heart and both halves of my brain. There have been occasions when I speak from my Spirit. Raw and exposed. The truth is the truth, en'it?

...the nay-Sayers may say what they wish. I have much to say, but don't want to say to them now, a damned word. Them who make promise and make much commitment, just to break their own word. It would take away from this message to Kindred, should I say more

. Please know this is a place for Us with Meniere's Disease, for them who know someone with Meniere's and would appreciate an unedited/uncensored communique from one who lives with this everyday of life. I am familiar too with those of us who simply wish to keep in touch with this odd sort of fellow, this Mixed blood named Mario.

Alright now...on with To Cherokee, By Way of Macon and Flowery Branch.

...let me zoom back to the day this holiday's/vacation began. It was 18 February 2012. The day my daughter Gaia got married to my friend Brian. It was a brilliant wedding and so beautiful was The Bride! I never say her so beautiful. My eye orbs felt odd, she was so drop dead gorgeous! I am proud and I am so very happy for them both and am positive Great Spirit, has wonderful plans for their family.  There is no doubt.

Our vacation and holidays started right there at their, "The Wedding of the Year"!

 I had a splendid time and we had very good time's at the reception. Toasted the Wedding couple, ate and ran. Ha! Hell yes, I'm telling the truth. Ha! Just like me and my Kinfolk too. Eat and Run! Please note that Gaia and Brian were informed of our plans. I mean, Brenda and I were celebrating our 32 year of marriage. Married two days prior to their wedding day. How Special! We changed in the parking lot at the basin of Tampa Bay where million dollar homes surrounded us. And yachts moored less than one hundred yards from where we were parked. Didn't we make
haste with our departure? Honey, please?

Then we hit the road! Brenda drove us from South Tampa, Florida, all the way through Florida and to Macon, Georgia. Drove right past and through Valdosta and Tifton with a certainty. I knew it best we pull over for a few hours rest and sleep. It was 0300. I knew we traveled safely, happily and accompanied by Great Spirit's Guides and Angels...

...a short few hours later we were back on I-75 going North. By passing Atlanta, and stopping in Flowery Branch for a reunion with a Life Long Friend, Kindred and Earth Angel of mine, her husband, son, and her adorable puppy's. (I was promptly made an honorary member of the pack.)
This very Dear Lady just happens to be a Life Long Friend of my Darling Bride. I don't want to make names because of privacy, but Dear Lady and her husband, a Fireman, have become welcomed in my Core. My most Inner Self is where they will live until we meet face to face again. I love you Dear Lady, and my Right Good Hero, is also loved. Cujo too!

We had a down right very special reunion there in Flowery Branch, 19 February 2012. That very special warm-in-my-heart, cold and sweet Southern rainy evening...

...so much to get caught up on. So much to talk. So much to share and re-connect. (I am sorry about that two hour sleep. It was the Meniere's talkin') But, it was all so right and all so loving and safe. I felt protected and at home, in your home. My Heart has been sad and heavy since our reunion. Sad I believe because of the brief stay at your beautiful Home...

...yes, we've always been friends. Yes, we've always loved and cared for one another, and yes, somehow - someway we managed to maintain contact through all of these years.

I say, there was just this something so extraordinary, so surreal, I am at a lost of words to express my meaning. Our visit was just so fantastic! Just too damned brief!

I love you all is all I might say right now. Oh yes, thank you so much for your loving hospitality and for that delicious genuine Mexican dinner we had that Sunday evening.

On the morning of 20 February, we sadly departed and were off to Cherokee. My Home away from Home.

 Thank you, Sweet-Bride-Of-Mine!

p.s. More to come.

Meniere's First, Vacation Talk Later

The week that has been the past nine or ten days are wrapping up for me now.

The symptoms of Meniere's, came along for vacation and holidays. All of the usual suspects. Dizzy, faintly feeling, light-headed-ness. Talk, talk...

...nausea, that included the let me taste it twice or thrice break fast, lunch and or dinner...

...or the trifecta.

My balance and coordination were on holidays too, because I was down right with the issue's. Miss-stepping, bumping and the afraid of bumping. Yes, the Human Bumper Car, had an amusing time during our travels. My quad and I was able to grasp hold of Earth Mother and walk a safe walk on well traveled Paths. I mean, all of me agreed to not be too damned adventurous on the walk abouts. I was safe, alert with every step, and used extra dose's of some common sense...

...the head lines would have been dreadful. "A Guest Gimp From Tampa, Florida Tumbles Down Side Of Mountain. Remains have not been found and family hold out hope Papa Gimp, pulls out a strong one. Ha! Goof bag!!

The hearing was "ALL" over the place and I reckon, it best I leave this alone because all I want to do is 'cuss up something shitty! You know?

We were passing through Gainsville, Florida when my left Deaf ear popped. I knew I was having a Meniere's/vertigo attack and all I could do was man up and keep quiet about it...

...tried not to think about what I was feeling and hearing or not hearing and the urge to fight was strong.

We arrived home on the night of 25 February 2012, and since then I have been deeply in the sleep. This afternoon, the 28 of February, I seemingly have awoken from this deep slumber. Sadly, my return home is blurred and seems to be connected hand-in-hand with Gainsville. I pray today is a break-threw the slumber-type-of-day.

No SHIT! My right ear just popped! Ha!

My Bride of 32 years was very attentive as always, was there to lead sometimes and was always there to help me through my awkward times. What a special Woman she is to me. I love you, Kid. Thank you!

I hope to share and talk of our pilgrimage to Cherokee, later this evening.

Ta.

p.s. I planked:)

Busting Out!

Dearest Relations,

I am fully prepared for my busting out of exile. All bags are packed as are my medications.

My Spirit's are dancing within because I can hardly wait much longer!

The lap-tap has been vetoed by wife and daughter. Same results from others I attempted to gain as allies.

Therefore, I will be off line for the next week and one half. I plan on maintaining my journal so that upon my return home I will be able to report and share our pilgrimage.

That little fellow in me is as excited as a bus full of  Boy Scots going off to camp! I want to scream - I am so danged excited!

Be well and be safe. My prayers will be shared on Holy Ground and will resonate throughout our Earth Mother...

...love, peace and more peace..................me.

I Am That I Am, and I'm Not Meniere's Disease, My List II

There was something cathartic about the "My List" yesterday that has assisted and aided me in wishing for more of a bath. Perhaps more of another cleansing. It was so much like the confessional that were required of me as a child and teen. And rarely as an adult as I had converted to Episcopal and then on to my Kindred Connection and subordination to my God...

...my Great Spirit. My conscience's. My life. My Spirit's, My Path.
Karma.

Thus, My List, Part II:

I really-really dislike what Meniere's Disease has done to my family and friends.
It is true, I am ANGRY, still because of this Meniere's Disease.
I hate the symptoms, the Meniere's Attacks and Post Attacks.
Imagine a day long sweat. Okai?
I love the sound of children laughing.
I love the sound of my hound's howl when we howl as a pack.
I love the smell of White Sage during ceremony.
I have accepted that some shit is, just the way some shit is.
I have apprehended a man who had snatched a Lady's purse and attempted to Car Jack another.
I beat the shit out of him.
I love Life. And love sunny Florida Day's, but when One has crossed the line, they've crossed it.
I have also come to the aid of two Police Officers. Both on different occasions. Both parades.
I love my wife with my Life. I would take a bullet in the skull for her and our daughter's.
I am a non-violent person.
I say, Please, just don't bring it to me. Because, then it's on.
I am a Veteran.
I loved throwing grenades.
I really truly enjoyed C-Rations.
I know today that my Mom and Dad, did the best they could.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for raising 7 of us wild ass Mixed Blood's.
Yes, I know. I am learning that piece. Forgiveness.
I remember too much more than my sister born after me.
There's almost a dis-connect.
I have disengaged from many and several "kinfolk".
It is best for me. For now anyways.
I enjoy Garage Sailing and Open-Air Markets.
I love the smell of fresh hay.
I do not like conflict.
I avoid drama at all costs. When drama visits - I visit with it and shoo it away and be it gone.
I enjoy a pint of Guinness every once in a while.
My favorite Canadian Beer is Molson.
I enjoy Bud on tap in an iced mug.
If I had access to Rugby as a teen and young adult I would've participated.
The same with Cricket.
I dislike Golf. Very much.
I enjoy watching University Football very much.
The Tamps Bay Rays are my favorite Major League Baseball Team.
Manchester United my favorite Professional Football team.
I shoot pool/billiards.
I have confronted Racial disrespect in public.
Have been picketed by the KKK. My wife and daughters too.
I love the tweet-tweets of Baby Chicks.
I also love the song of The Red-Winged Black Bird.
I am neither there nor here. I take it minute by minute, you see.
I LOVE Old School Funk!
My favorite symphony is Beethoven's 9th. Since 1960-What? Oh, please.
I miss .05 cent candy.
I miss .10 bags of chips.
Wait! Okay.
I watch my pulse beat in my right wrist. Every night. I am amazed.
I remember when Black Folk walked that way home and the White's this way.
When Mixed Breeds and Latinos and Multi-Race Family's lived - walked away from both.
I know my eye orb's have seen too much.
There's nothing I can do about that.
I remember .01 cent bubble gum.
I'm done.
I wish love, peace and more peace for All of Mother Earth's inhabitants.

Ciao, me.

Two Falls Late This Afternoon, 15 February 12

Had two falls late this afternoon...

...first one happened after I had completed my gardening in my Central Park out in the North yard. I went to place some weeds into the rubbish designated as yard clippings and I feel forward. My forehead to the concrete block. Neither budged a bit. Hit hard enough I saw the stars that look like a whole damned lot of Lightening Bugs. Called time out to catch myself and my breath and called time out on the Gardening thing.

The second fall took place in my bedroom. I was getting dressed post shower and my left side did not wish to cooperate. So, I tumbled and fumbled trying to catch myself, but fell forward and this time to my right. "Over-compensated", I reckon, as I usually get to leaning/falling to the left.

No broken bones or scratches or cuts. Just bruised body pieces, a slight ache in the head and a bruised ego...

...I've had worse, but shit I think I may have screamed out loud on that second fall. Cursed my large Buffalo ass for falling forward and head butting my Lodge.

No fun, en'it? Nope. Falls are absolutely no damned fun, Hun.

I don't know, what can you do when you live in a shoe? Bastard Meniere's!

Love, peace and more peace.........me...

I Am What I Am and I Am Not Meniere's Disease

I Am What I Am, and this list provides a snap shot of who lives here in my skin with this Meniere's Disease and it's contributing factors as well as the other odds-n-end's that make me and myself, who I Am...

I have and live with Meniere's Disease.
I am not the meniere's Disease.
I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
I love the smell of a fully functional farm.
I am sometimes fall on to Mother Earth for no particular reason.
I enjoy the Atlantic Ocean. And feel the same for the Gulf of Mexico.
I love Key West. And am mad for Miami Beach.
I love the smell's of the beach.
I miss so dreadfully the privilege of driving. The meniere's took that from me.
I'd love to think that someday soon I shall have long walk abouts.
I love my wife and daughters with all my heart and Spirit's.
I am happy to be losing weight and gaining muscle.
I like looking at what exercise has done to my arms and chest.
I can sometimes be so adolescent.
I am afraid of Horror movies. Unless they're Vamp's, Frankenstein, or Were Wolves. No Zombies!
Clowns have always scared me. This is a "coming out" for me. I passed the gene on to my Sam.
I love our three hounds. I love Abigail aka Ting-Ting as if she were my Kin.
I love to laugh. Long and loud and clear.
I love old school cartoons.
I was a radical vegetarian for 15 years.
I eat meat today. Again. Buffalo, gator, turkey, beef, fish, I'm still getting back to my roots.
Roots?
I am a Mixed Blood.
I am Hispanic with Spain, Canary Islands, Morocco, Dark Skin, Cuban and Italian from my Pa.
I am Cherokee two generations removed and a White Southerner for generations from my Ma.
Yes, sometimes all of these Races and ethnicity's clash.
In my life, this is normal.
As was living "across more Rail Roads" than I can speak of.
I've played with more teams than the entire NFL has teams.
I have never been afraid to blend in.
I have never been afraid of any particular Race or another.
I pray for all of Great Spirit's Children.
My Relations. Which represents all Kinfolk and Kindred.
I pray for our enemy's, real or perceived.
I have cried out loud for the injustice's I've seen on the television.
Or in the press.
I am Single Side Deaf. On the Left and Hard of Hearing on the right.
I know what Serenity feels like.
As I know what tranquility is.
How it feels to walk in Grace...with Grace.
I dislike gossip.
I am afraid of lizards. All lizards.
I pray for all of Great Spirit's Creature's. Yes, even the lizard too.
I read daily.
I miss my daughter who lives far, far and away.
I used to have the largest Afro in High School.
I am inquisitive and analytical.
I enjoy swimming bare.
My family name is Big Bear.
I cry at movies, Television shows, radio and commercials. Oh, please.
I remember when television was Black and White.
I occasionally will over emphasize the passing of wind.
I am 6'2" and weigh 267 pounds and losing.
I have lost a shirt size in t-shirts and shirt size.
My pants don't fit the way they used to.
I love Starbucks Coffee Company.
I miss working there.
I miss my favorite lattes and tea's.
I miss the thousands of Folks I would cross paths with.
I miss my Mom, Dad and little brother Dave.
Two Faced Folks work my nerves really bad.
I love to pay sincere compliments.
I can be stealth like with my verbiage.
I love long rides in the country.
I am most at ease on the Cherokee Reservation.
The Eastern Band of The Cherokee Nation in Cherokee, NC.
I love the smell of The Smoky Mountain tops.
I love the sound of a Crow's call. I believe it to be David paying me a visit.
I enjoy wearing Levi 501's and a nice shirt. And my Doc Martin's.
I love to garden on my hands and knees.
I love to feel Mother Earth under my feet.
I have a prayer circle in the N.W. yard that contains the Red Earth from where my Spirit's dwell.
I would love to go on.
This is just a snap shot of my life today, the 15 February 2012.
I could go on. But I won't.
My Garden calls me by my family name.
I wish you love, peace and more peace.
Me

No mas.

I Am A Warrior!

Greetings Relations,

I wish to make a random list of shit that has me by the throat and doesn't leave me much space and or time to pursue other endeavors. Although I do make time to pursue what it is I must do! I will be shooting from the hip's and have this urgency to purge! I have not figured it out yet, but something was missing this afternoon over at my therapist Sir Dude's office...

...and shit, I only left his office/my safe place about and hour plus a few ago. I have not figured it out yet. Aggravation is what this is. Damn it!

Meniere's Disease is top of my list of things that screw with my head and my esteem. The whole package called Meniere's Disease. The Meniere's Attacks. Loss of work, total loss of hearing on left and also loss of balance on the left. I am losing hearing in the right ear. The balance that I have not located yet! Balance and coordination, go hand-in-hand behind my eye orbs. The nausea/vomiting/Adam's apple thing. The sweats, perspiration's and misting! Fuck! The dizziness that is a part of my every day...

...which leaves me gimpy and so affected I curse very often at myself. Which really is kind of mean. Like, I wouldn't scream or curse at Kinfolk or Kindred with such a Life Path altering situation. What? Yes, I'm considerably angry at the sounds that live and dwell with-in both of my ears. This crap just isn't right that I listen to noise in a deaf ear. (?) Help!

Having to walk with the aid of a cane and or walker. This entire piece.

The Worm's who like life between my flesh and skull. On both sides now. I do have some good news though, my right eye has stopped twitching!

All FALLS are terrifying! I don't give ten pounds of Cow Dung what other people say or do. What the hell is cool about random falls? What's so cool about being dizzy most of my day and life.

I used to think I grew accustomed to Folks who like to stare and glare at my implant and or processor. Have just recently learned that there is still a part of me that can not stand it when the ill mannered Folk conduct their review of what is sticking from my head! My demeanor has changed quite a bit, but then the "perfect ass hole" wants to get a closer look and will travel down another isle at the Super Market to get another peek. Ass holes!

The fact that my sight has been affected by meniere's and that I am positive this also affects my Rhino/Nose functioning. My smell senses have become very sharp and offensive smells become even worse. What once smelled nice to me smells horrendous now.

Having to ask and beg for transport. Having to chose which appointments are more important than other appointments. Having to decide to set aside this lump on Mr. Wang or therapy or He-Who-Knows-My-Lungs. And pray that the one who has committed does not renege. Which has happened before.

I hate that I have had to go through this process for transportation from Mass Transit. As if going through motions. Yes, I'm anxious. Maybe even scared for some reason. Afraid I should be denied. That would bust my gut and my heart...

...it sucks that "ALL" of them who came up with the "oh, just call", "if you need me for anything - call". Woman fucking please! And most of these are Kinfolk too! Please!

I must remind myself everyday that I am a Warrior! I Survived the rapes, molestations and incest! I have survived the battles of inner turmoil that no one on Mother Earth need ever experience! I am a Survivor and a Warrior!

If I survived that and it's memories, nightmares and flash backs - I can sure as hell survive this bull shit disease. The One Major thing I have LEARNED from and through all of this, I can sure as shit bet on who's who when it comes to Kinfolk and or 'friend's". Bull fucking shit!

There is much more I could go on and on about, but I think it best I remember this...

...I am a Warrior!

God Bless Syria!

My Dearest Great Spirit, please with great haste, Bless my Fellow Earth Beings in Syria.

Bless the Women and Children. Bless the Elders and God, please Bless the adolescents being forced from their families to fight for the one committing genocide upon his own peoples...

...Great Spirit, Bless my Brothers and Sister across this pond that divides us.

All praise and thanks go to God! One God! One Love!

Great Spirit, hear our prayers.

Amen, Amen and Amen!

Meniere's, My Grown Ass Women, and Sir Dude, My Therapist

Good Night Nikki!

For some reason I woke up a bit left of blue this morning. A familiar state and shade of blue. It's the blue I can remember having in my heart as a wee boy and as a man of my age. Blue is blue, no matter what the age...

...I know that my daughter's bring a shade of blue to my Daddy heart. Not because of their conduct or anything like this or that. Just having One's baby's be their age and so adult. They're beautiful Grown Ass Women, as I say it! My wife Brenda is also an awesome and beautiful woman who is always on my mind and in my heart and Spirit's. I worry for my Bride and all two of my Baby's. Their energy and my energy run through not only my mind, but my heart and Spirit's as well. Saw them both come into this world from my wife's private parts. Most damned incredible thing I ever did see. I sure am a proud Pa and I love them both so very much. And this bride of mine is an extraordinary woman, who is loved madly!

All three snore too. Oy! The drama!

My youngest recently commented that she experienced a conversation gone too far. I am reminded today of how this feels by a conversation I had just minutes ago. My dearest friend, don't be angry at me for too long! I know I stepped on it.

Meniere's, I suspect has had an affect on this state of blue I find myself in...

...my left Deaf ear is full of crickets and frogs. My right ear has the bell of a Rail Road crossing warning. Over and over and fucking over. Is not being to good on normal reception/hearing.

I am nauseated and uncomfortable. I am misting and perspiring lightly. I can feel this on my t-shirt and my nipples are erect from rubbing on a cool moist piece of clothing. My Adam's apple has been tight in my throat. Please, I just don't want to vomit this afternoon. Earlier this morning I had some break fast return to my mouth. So bleeding gross! The worms are at play. Have had issue with stuttering today.

The dizziness tells me I am tipsy - as if I have sipped on bubbly for brunch. No, I have not and no, I don't anyways. This creates the unsteady pace with witch I walk presently. I have cuts and bruises from where I have bumped onto wall corners or door frames...

...doors themselves.

Later this afternoon at 1530, I will have a face to face with Sir Dude. I think this comes about in a timely fashion. I sure will benefit by a visit with my therapist, Sir Dude today. Yes, I'll speak of the blue thing too. And the ache and hurt I feel in my Spirit's...

...this is all a part of my getting better. My body is my business, you see. This is all "My Better Health and Mental/Emotional Health Plan". From where I am sitting I have seen some pretty neat and cool adjustments and taking the change in stride as much as I might. All while I maintain a focus on what lies ahead of my Path.

There was no notice in the post about my application to receive assistance from the Mass Transit Authority. Please Great One!
Good Afternoon Sheena! Hello to my Bride Brenda! I love you all so much!

I am finished and have no more to say

Meniere's, Supposed-To-Be-Kinfolk And Back Up South

I knew that there was going to be one slow communique...

...that's fine by me, you see, except for my bride and daughter's,  I expect nothing from my family. This is the way it it has been forever in my life and My Path. Yack-yackity-yack and I hear or see nothing back. Promises  and word after word, so.....it's the same old nasty shit. So I move along. Eh?

And - I so try to move along brightly...

...it's just I don't understand that part of my family. That branch of my family tree.

Something happened way back then, when we were all separated. It does not matter should it be time or intention. So, I move along. You all did...

Next week at this time I will be in Cherokee. A place I belong and have great faith I shall some day pass on in the Land of those who came before me. Sometimes I am scared and afraid I have ashamed and embarrassed them who did in fact, come before me and those who walk Mother Earth with me or along a similar Path as I.

If it really was not for one event we are to attend we would leave Friday. So we adjust and I move along...

Meniere's today has been omnipresent. I would grade today a "6," because I of the symptoms I have had to deal with. Yes, I did in fact sleep today. Woke up early just to go back to sleep a short time after...

...the sounds and noises have been problematic. Please...

...I am so trying to be careful and not get myself all worked up or try not to task a shade too much. Me, my Spirit's, my multi's and I are really trying to use caution and walk with extreme alert, so as not to injure myself.

I pray to Great Spirit to protect me and keep me clear of this fucking Meniere's. Anything and everything but an all out attack. Please?

My plan is to beg my daughter to let me please borrow her lap top while we are Smokey Mountain Top. So I might communicate with Kindred.This is where our cabin will be. Right there on Cherokee Reservation. Smokey Mountain Top. Just no fancy Holiday Inn or Howard Johnson's...

...my Spirit's are already there. I have seen myself walking the grounds of  Mother Earth at and near our cabin. I feel the beat of Mother Earth calling my name. I listen as the Wolf directs me home. I smell and listen to the stream pass off our back porch. Too much time has passed since our last pilgrimage. Just too damned much time. I exhale a sigh and know that soon I'll be home with the Spirit's of them who did in fact live and came before me. I share my love with them when we make pilgrimage. I pray and hope this will get back on to an annual event.

This dizziness has provoked an ugly nausea...the perspiration has visited me today. To many times. I want to puke...

...earlier today was a smooth day. This late afternoon, not too much. I feel sick and feel the need to discontinue this communique...

...these are the things I don't want to happen before or while away. Please Great Spirit!

If I could be there right now - it would've been so.

The worms are back and active. Bastards!

I have nothing else to to say but I'm going back North up to get Back South bound...

...that's the way it is when you're a Mixed Breed.

My Life and Path as a Mixed Breed...

...Back Down South.

...

Meniere's Disease, Floating Softly On A Sunday Afternoon

The beeps and beeping has been an all day thing today. In my left Deaf ear. Constantly reminding me that there is an abandon ship off the coast of Mozambique. The frantic and horrific beeping has worked my damned last nerve. Nobody else hears these beeps but me, you see.

My right Hard of Hearing ear has been listening to creatures and critters of the swamp. I have tried to distract these noises and sounds by playing music from my i-pod, but there isn't any aid. The beeps are louder than the Kings Of Leon. Frustration's sold by the five pound bag.

Nausea is mild and I have misted only a short spell earlier today. Last night was absolutely dreadful and the sweats were very uncomfortable. Am so pleased to share both are on the mild side today, this 12 day of February 2012.

The dizziness is a soft floating dizziness. A calm and soft dizziness. This is a great thing and provides me a calm period - other than the damned noises.

The worms played last night but are at rest today. I suspect they're exhausted.

Thank you Great One, for providing me with this respite. These come about too damned rarely. I acknowledge this is a Blessed day and am genuinely thankful.

I have had a few missteps today which is an improvement over yesterday's awkward boy thing.
Sometimes I get tired over the whole Human Bumper Car Dude thingy.

Today has been a good day to die. It is also an awesome day to be alive! Blessed!

All Praise to The Creator.

This is all.

Eagles - I Can't Tell You Why [original w/ lyrics]

•  This is an All-Time favorite song in my life and Path. The Eagles...

...seems to have followed me though-out. I can remember hearing them with both ears.

Blessings...

Meniere's, Report On Mass Transit And Whitney

Relations,

I report that all went quite well yesterday at the mass transit authority. I mean, I don't know anything, but as far as conversation and the connection I had with the fellow who interviewed me, all in all, it was a pleasantly positive face to face. I try as hard as I might not to let my Spirit's get all up there. It's sort of tough when I have this twisted emotional/mental battle going on, while trying to stay calm during the committee phase of the application process. The brothers and sisters, are getting mighty close to the magical "21 day" ADA application process. Something I had not even known about until the interviewer informed me. I had my photograph taken, met with the Marine and listened as he explained the program and process with me. He kept on and continued to refer to "you" (me), as the person of this subject which gave it a very personal flavor. Explained how "I" would be able to use this service for just about the county wide and for anything "I" might want to do. Oh yes, my driver bringing me home, had the confidence of a mountain wall climber that I was "welcomed" to the program based on his experience and how this process flows. He must have welcomed me just about one dozen times...

...must've had something to do with the implant and processor sticking out the left side of my skull, my walker adorned with Native Medicine, and that special photograph. For me to be authorized to ride the special bus for special Folks. I suppose so, I am special. Just don't know and won't know until I get that special letter in the post. Oh my good-goodness, this truly would be something special for me and my life. I mean this would assist me in busting out of exile! Four plus years! My God! Please?

My heart and Spirit's are saddened by the news of Whitney Houston's death. Such a talent and just an all around beautiful all American Girl. Please Great Spirit, please, just don't let this have been caused by a drug overdose or suicide. I've been waiting for her comeback album since she dumped her ex-husband! Heard that a movie will soon be released that she starred in. My thoughts and memories of Whitney are of the Whitney of the 1980's and 1990's. What a genuine DIVA...

...this cold front blowing through Florida is considerably colder tonight without Whitney Houston, on Our Mother Earth. God Bless, her family and friends. And God, please Bless Whitney too. I'm going to miss this entertainer the way I miss Michael Jackson, Dean Martin, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. Yes, it is colder out there tonight.

The Meniere's has has acted up all damned day. Nausea, sweats, dizziness. Bad nausea. My hearing has been a D+ ALL day long. The sounds have been loud explosions, heavy equipment and the beeping that is a message addressed to somebody in Bangkok. The repetition is great so I suppose this has been an urgent message. The balance has been off bad, as in a C- type of coordination and balance day.

Great Spirit, Bless the people's of Syria. Bless the citizens and guide and protect them during this government sanctioned genocide. Please, with great haste send your Angels and Arch Angels. Protect the Women, Elders and children. Bless the adolescents being removed from families by this evil dictators military...

...I feel in my bones Russia and China will not endorse this too much longer. When these countries recognize the genocide that takes place daily, their support shall wane. Since childhood I have always prayed for the peoples of China and Russia. These Folks are Kindred and I have the Faith that it is but a matter of time. Blessings...

This is all...

Prepared For The Trip Down Town

Greetings,

I sit here in and with great anticipation for the driver to arrive to take me down town for my interview with the Transit Authority. The ants are biting my whole butt - that includes both cheeks!!

This is just a brief note to share and ask all Relations for their thoughts and prayers. This is so very important to me. My goodness, I am as excited as a bus load of teen girl's going to see the Justin Beeber show.

I will report later on this afternoon or sometime this evening.

Love, peace and peace........

Tonight, Tomorrow, And Surgery Preperation

Tonight, several friends and I will gather at a popular local eatery to celebrate the life of our dear friend Nancy. What will be happening this evening is something that Nancy always wanted us to do and have...

...but life passed us on by and the Cancer has taken Nancy from family and friends. I feel as if I failed Nancy by letting the time in my life pass on by and not take a hold of it - even if but for a few hours to go out to eat or have a drink and talk of the good ole days. In my heart and Spirit's I know my friend and daughter will be there with us later on today...

...I just wanted another hug and kiss.

Tomorrow I will be transported down town for an interview for the approval of benefits from our County Mass Transit Authority, Hartplus. The driver will pick me up, take me down town and will bring me home after the appointment. I am so excited I have gas. Please my relations, send this way special thoughts and prayers for me to have this opportunity. Please, please, please do. This will provide me an Independence not felt in many years...

...my Great Spirit, please go before me and prepare the Path I am to walk.

I really am so excited and I can't deny it! Oh boy!

I will find out today or Monday when I'll have surgery on the left side of my skull. Once this is done and healed I'll have Mr. Wang, taken care of with the snip-n-cut.

That's it.

Meniere's Micro Mini's, Sir Dude and Cherokee

Met with Sir Dude, this afternoon at 1530 and had an excellent face to face. I was provided an opportunity to flush some of this rubbish that has built up since last Thursday. The Meniere's Micro Mini attacks and the consequences of them. The anger that I've let manifest with a quickness and being able to open up about my friend who died of the cancer. Speak aloud of the unfinished business of my Father and I. Besides, so much extra of this and some of that and I felt as if we accomplished quite some business during our sit down. And yes, I am pleased and glad that I called in for an appointment this week instead of waiting until next week...

...next week sounded like just so far away.

My bride and I have not been able to go on holidays since 2008. Which happened to be the year I was diagnosed with the Meniere's Disease and also when all the exams, audio tests, injections and surgery started to happen. Four years since our last pilgrimage to Cherokee...

...four years since I have inhaled the air of mountain tops and laid eyes upon the land of them who came before me. Grandma Flossie's Kinfolk's. My Kinfolks. Four years since I could touch the sky and listen to the howls of wolf. Reaching for the Moon and get hands full of stars...

...four years of medically imposed excile.

Have had ceremony this mid-night sharpe for the blessings of my Great Spirit. In gratitude for them who are Kindred but not here in the flesh with us anymore. Those who passed before me. Ceremony this time of year is always extraordinary for me. It is cool temperature in the mid 50's (f) and the air is quite still so the prayers and love goes up and out slowly to spread and pass peace on to the Preserve and neighbours for blocks wide. This is a good time for me to pray and contemplate. The WOmen Folk have retired for the evening and I feel I am able to head on this Path...

...while I have my kettle burning pine cone, cedar pine and other herbs and spices. I Send out energy and prayers to my brothers and sisters in Syria, Somalia, and Tibet. Same to the Cherokee, I will soon be breaking bread with. Looking into the eye's of my Kindred. Words lack when on pilgrimage. I have never been to Cherokee, as one who is Single Side Deaf and have surly not visited with this Meniere's in place and stomping ass. Oh, and then my asthma and need to have breathing treatments. Let me put it like this, our minds are made up, I am more than willing to reach for it and my Dearest Great Spirit, I reckon you are aware this has been a long time coming. I am very excited and the anticipation builds daily. I have already begun to pack excited like. Ha!

Thank you Great Spirit! God,  Bless us all, your children.

Today has been a fairly decent day as far as the Meniere's Disease. Fewer Micro Mini Attacks, nausea off and on, dizziness has been mild - once was throat gripping bad, but non-productive. Coordination and balance was a C-. The biggest issue today has been this foiking irretating beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeeping that has gone on for most of this live long day. My God! I don't know how to describe other than it went like this...

...beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeping off and on damned most of today's going's on. My Path.

No worms today! Hail naw boo! Not once! Now tha's some cheerful schtuff right there! Yes Sir!

This is all I have to say. No wait, John Wayne, get your ass over here and let me brush you down! Change them shoes too!

Time After Time, A Lesson, You See?

Time after time, I've tried to say to myself that I don't love him anymore or try to believe that  perhaps I never did love him. Was it a make believe world I lived in? Was it all just a wish? No, you see Sir, I remember what if felt like to be held in your large and strong arms. Them that made me feel so small, safe and loved. Made me for once in my life feel the protection that I never had...  

...time after time again, I lie to myself because I do still love him. I have always loved you.

Sir, I know you knew I was broken. I knew you what I was doing. And so did you. I also knew your words far out weighed what it was we were living or not living. Loving and not loving...

...like you with she...

...and I with her, and you, and him too.

I got to be a part of a grand romance that is still forbidden. So outrageous was my life, only a few of us knew. But no one said a word. Almost every person that knew me at the time knew I was broken. Once again I say, I know and always knew you did. So you filled my mind and heart with promise after promise.

Grand story's.

There have been times I go back to a place in my mind or heart that I've been to before. Then when the thought escapes me, it's just like losing you all over again. You know what your voice does to me, that's why I avoid the telephone, Sir.

Time after time, I have told myself that these thoughts and memories will pass and go away. I know they never will - only when I die will these ever go away.

My life is lived differently today. My Bride and I and our children. Our 3-2-1 Lodge next to the preserve. I love her with all my heart, mind, body and Spirit's. She has been "The Rock" of my life and I'm not ashamed to say so. She knows in her heart of hearts that my love and life belongs to her and forever more. As it always has been. I too know in mine that I made the correct decision when I walked away. I am a happy Man today. A happy and loved husband married to a beautiful woman and a very proud Dad. My life is based on truth's and trust now. That and love for my family. I am a fortunate one to be able to speak the truths of that life once upon a time.

So, no Sir, I do not want to look in your eyes again. As I don't want you looking into mine.

 I don't want to hear your voice on the telephone...

...this is why I won't ever go back. Or let you back in. I am no longer on a fence and I know where I am in life. My Path leads me to a world of love, peace and understanding. My Path runs along side of the Red Road. There are no more betrayal. No more lies.

Time after time I still miss you Sir, and time after time I will love you and remember good times. It's much of other things I break and throw away...

...like your hello. I don't want to go back to a place I've already been.

p.s.

I will carry the hurt committed against my Bride until my last breath. There will be no more betrayal's.

I am still working on the time after time piece.

This is all I've got to say.

Meniere's Micro Mini's, Sleep, A Talk and Sir Dude

30 minutes ago I woke up from a twenty hour sleep. Have since taken care of personal hygiene and very much wanted to connect with Kindred. Alot of this sleep has had to do with these micro mini meniere's attacks stomping my ass. This morning I had gotten up to take my medications, when no sooner had I eaten them, I was wearing a crown of dizziness that seemed to lie solely atop my skull. Radiating a dizziness down and into my brain's...

...so I went back to my safe place and slept until 1630.

I have listened to the silence for as many hours. No television, no radio or stereo. Total silence with the exception of sounds and noises in my ears. My Hard of Hearing right ear sounds as if Great Spirit has increased the volume on life as last night when I went into slumber until this very moment. These damned keys sound as if I am banging, not tip-tapping on this key board. I listen to my bird neighbours in the preserve, I've heard an Alligator send out a telegraph to it's mate and have been able to hear the Peacocks down the preserve. So loud to my hear I would swear we were in the middle of The National Everglades Park and Preserves...

...and that's piggy backing the noises in my ears.

Anywho, I am feeling it all right now. I don't want to talk about this now. I do suspect I'll be in bed before long so I wanted to send out this message to Kindred and Kinfolk too. All Relation's.

Let me share something real quick please. I often file protest over the this and that's of politics and have shared the solidarity in my Spirit's for people of Mother Earth. I will so often listen to and respect the words of others and so often do take them into consideration.

I ask and say to myself right now, what is this I am doing? I permit the words of other living Earth Beings, such as Kinfolk and neighbour who want to fill this one ear whole full of their beliefs, their God, their politics and their opinion's. Their verbiage...

...and not consider mine? There's something wrong with this picture. I have no idea or plans as to how I'll "continue" to deal with this, but I suppose I will. Seems to me that in this life, this is the way it always has been...

..."are you listening to me?". "Children are meant to seen and not heard.", "when will you ever learn to listen?". "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?". "Put it in your mouth." Now days, this is more like "My opinion is right and yours is wrong.", "What's wrong with you? Aren't you listening to me?". "You're too angry." And recently I am informed that "I have hatred in me."...

..."All" while not even paying the respect of one who walks a different path. My Path. I really still, don't understand. Even after all of a life time. I don't understand.

Sir Dude, my therapist called me back yesterday afternoon at 1716 to let me know he was able to work something out and locked in an appointment for me Wednesday, the 08 February 2012. Which by now, is the morrow. My brother-in-law, Bil will be assisting me with the transport piece.
If I did not say I am so very happy about our face to face, mine and Sir Dude's, I would be telling lies. I honestly can't wait...

...my heart is full and I have no more to say.

An Urgent Call To Sir Dude

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I feel it best that I have a sit down with my therapist Sir Dude, sooner that the 14th of February. Today is the sixth day and quite honestly, I would much rather see him sooner.

There's an urgency about this. Positively. I have an angst brewing in my center and I'll consider this listening to my gut scenario's. The Micro Mini Meniere's attacks are unhealthy to my emotions and my right good proper self esteem has taken a beating. I feel it in my bones.

Friday, 03 February 2012, I had a "freak out session" that lasted several minutes. In my Spirit's I felt total chaos. As if dumbfounded by something unexplainable. So many and too many people cut across boundaries without an excuse or invitation. It just troubles me. I am.

Something else that I am having difficulty with is grasping hold of my friends death by the cancer. I am not sure why this sadness has become something I carry so heavy with me...

...yesterday afternoon, Brenda and I made a dash up to our pharmacy for my prescriptions. This is the very place Nancy and I were reunited just about a year and one half ago or two. What a reunion! We laughed and had an awesome time. I loved her hugs. It was not necessary for the wife and I to go inside and I was glad. I don't know. It's as if I feel extremely sad emotions going there now. I remember the very spot we saw each other for the first time in years. But, you see, the Heart Strings always remained intact. They never wore or grew apart.

We made plans...

...we had our telephone connections and our hopes and dreams for each other and our families. There will not be a Family Game Night at Nancy's house.

Now, my Shero Nancy, is in Heaven. No more plans, no more telephone connections, our hopes and dreams set adrift on the wing of an Angel. No more hugs. NO, that's wrong because I just felt her love in my Core...

...smack dab in my heart.

Oh my, has all the above stirred unfinished business between my Father and I. He too died from a disgusting type of the cancer...

...Dad?

Many Micro Mini Meniere's Attacks

Since the afternoon of last Thursday, 02 February 2012, I have had several of what I refer to as  many micro mini Meniere's attacks. I had one while sitting in Sir Dude's office as a matter of fact. There is no reasoning as to what it is I might be doing to initiate these taxing fashions. These many micro mini Menerie's attacks are ambushes without any symptom nor indication. In my heart of hearts, I much prefer a full fledged vertigo attack and the whole cornucopia of shit that comes with it too....

...because this is where I usually go. Not NO damned ambushes. Yes, I have had such Meniere's attacks in the past. Too damned many. Just not this many all sewn into the fibers of my structure time and time again. For day's...............................?

Friday, these were particularly troublesome and I ended up having to shut down. I had no choice. I was spent from twenty four hours of attack after attack that finally culminated in a fairly strong micro mini. Which resulted in close to twenty-four hours of consecutive sleep. To wake up late Saturday evening and feel as if I had been beaten good and proper. There is a safety factor in my sleeps as I only sleep in my bed. Not on a sofa or chair. I'm okay with that.

(I just heard someone softly whistle into my right good bad hard of hearing ear. I shouldn't, have looked. I know there's no one here but me. Well, and my multi's too...)

These many micro mini Meniere's attacks as I mentioned, are so sudden. As if lightening is striking. It's a position where I am faced with a sudden flash of dizziness. Or a spontaneous nausea. Twice productive - twice up and into my mouth. Moments of total silence. Oh, how some were enjoyed. The sweats that have required change of shirts too many times.

Sometimes solo, sometimes as a united vertigo attack...

...many micro mini Meniere's attacks are disrupting My Path.

At this moment, my Deaf left is listening to heavy equipment out back. Like a bulldozer. Um, no, I don't have a bulldozer in my back yard - I can hear the bastard though. No, I don't feel the ground vibrating. My right good bad ear has a distant roaring. Maybe a terrific thunder storm this way comes...

...I am am wearing a cap of perspiration. Am nauseated to my apple and dizzy enough to have to slow down the pace of my steps. Coordination sucks. I don't want to vomit, so I'm burping. Like a freaking Cow I'm burping.

Worms play delightfully so in between the flesh of my head and the structure of my skull. Yes, these have in fact traveled to the rear left side too.

My God, I need to see an eye doctor soon because reading is becoming irritating. I am aware that my vision has and is being affected by Meniere's, so maybe time for a new prescription.

My God and My Path beckons me... 

I've got to keep moving. Ciao.

My Tolerance For Labels Isn't Much, I Promise

Hello, my name is Mario, and I won't take this White government, Chunks of Cow Chips no more!! It is a shittin' shame how some of these politico's have so many of you ALL, my Kinfolks and Relations really screwed up in the skull. From now on leave your politico ranting and propaganda for talking to others or your television! Speak with them in your circle who have same in common with you. I don't need to be recruited by Kinfolk, Kindred, television or the prerecorded telephone calls. I'm very okay like this.

I read and listened to the words of many as if I was listening to you speak them when reading your words and listening to your biased points of views and ill conceived notions of who I am. Maybe it is best off if we not speak of politics. Even, very seldom do I speak with my wife and grown children of who or which party they are affiliated with. It makes no difference to me. It's none of my business. Neither is it any of theirs which might be mine. I have known and have practiced this formula for a mighty many years. I believe it true, one should not mix political agendas with Kinfolk if Kinfolk do not have respect for space and boundaries...

..."one" thing I have very low tolerance for is Folks placing labels on me and my Energies. If we have contrasting points of view then it is so. Please, I do not "need" nor I wish to engage in some form of verbal fencing and run the risks of hurt feelings. Shit, mine or the other person. Politically I am good where I lay my hat.

Yes, I have very strong point's of view's - pertaining to much that is going on in my Country, The America's, The All of Africa, I have a solidarity with Kindred in Syria, Egypt, Ethiopia, Botswana, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Russia, Serbia, the U.K. and Germany. I have a strong desire for World Peace, you see. I pray for World Peace. So in all actuality, I have a solidarity with all Kindred and Relations around this globe known as Mother Earth...

... I wish for same peace here, for the Navajo, The Sioux, Cherokee, Comanche, Seminole and all Native First Nations of the U.S.of A., Canada and Mexico.

Too much hate in the world as there is........mine is more a loathing. I can not say the name of a person I hate at this moment. There are a some I do loathe and find their negative energy to be all absorbing and affects not only the individual the negative energy is directed to, but also their families and peers. Neighbors and friends.

Forgiveness is a strong and very empowering Blessing. When one is able to get that far in their lives that is a good and proper thing to do and way to live. Amends come to my simple mind. Forgiveness is a work in progress here in my skull...

...So no, please don't place a label on my emotions or beliefs. There is a peace with where I am. Yes, I may live and see contrary sometimes - this is my birth right. This is the way I was born and have been brought up, have had to see, hear, smell, listen to and taste. Forgiveness comes hard and heavy for those who have committed ills against me and my person. Also to the fucking dogs who sexually abused other members of my family.

I see that as long as Crow is contrary, this is the way I will live. My BELIEFS are mine. And your beliefs are Yours. I do not attempt to get you to join "my club" - so I sure as hell don't expect to be recruited by yours.

I have experienced serenity in my life and know what tranquility feels like. I am Blessed with too much insight and lack in breath to walk in hatred. My angers are mine. Yours are yours. I do not place label on you my friends.

My friend died of cancer last week. She was 33. My Dad passed from cancer - it ate him from the inside out. So palpable, I could smell it. I have had cancer scrapped from my face and lumps removed from my chest and penis - cancer, unless otherwise willed by my Great Spirit, my God, will eat me, my beliefs and health. I am not afraid of dieing. But, I sure as hell can say that my 33 year old friends death shook my cage. I have not been able to adjust to her Crossing yet.

I am still learning what "letting go and let God" means. I am simple. Always have been. When an injustice has been committed against one or thousands and no justice served - a void manifests and grows as my flesh, mind, body and Spirit's grow with me...

...to let go and let God.

 I have a Good idea where my Soul will be moving to when my flesh decides to resign from this Earth Mother. I love Life. I plan to live and it well.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed here, so damn it, I'll be pushing this cart until I can't push no more.

Viva Life!

Me, Therapy and Sir Dude, 02 02 12

Hello, Good Morning and Good Night Kindred, Kinfolk and All Relations,

Was able to maintain my appointment with my therapist Sir Dude, this afternoon. Thanks in major part to my brother-in-law Bil, who assisted me with the transport piece. Bill, made it here fifteen minutes early Honey...

...somewhere with-in the folds of my brains there is a blister that manifested in here today. I'll leave it be as I am afraid I may reach in there with my hide sewing needle and "pop" the wrong blister. Vessel, vein or artery or something...

...fart around and poke myself in the good eye. Yep, got one of them too.

Anyways....

Our Sit Down was awesome and I left there feeling as if my shoes fit me differently. There was an excellent exchange between therapist and client. I am pleased. No need for verbal fencing or tit-for-tat. It positively impacted my beliefs, beliefs of Self and the direction I am attempting to Lead.

Mario's Path.

With the weight I have lost, the arms in better shape than possibly ever in my life and the waist shrinking again, I suspect Sir Dude, did a back-flip in his head for me. It's always a good day whenever you see you pyshcotherapist happy and almost giddy. Not too much - sure enough close though...

...since we last had a face to face I have lost enough "water" to fit into a pair of Bermuda shorts I've had for years but was never able to fit into. Until today that is. Damn. Same true with one of my ole Starbucks white button ups. Yes, I did. I wore that spotless four year old business shirt, plaid cotton Bermudas, new Nike's, an undershirt that was a loss of one size, my Native gear and my processor sticking out the side of my skull. All for Bil, my nephews, and Sir Dude, my therapist. What a sight I must have been! Ha!

Talk about what a feeling!

John Wayne better find his ass home soon! Alright then...

I Like To Watch The Cars Drive By

I have not heard from the transportation department about my application for transportation aid. Today is really just day eight since I sent off the application to join the Secret Service. I was informed when this process started back in November 2011, that the application review would take twenty-one days or so. I sit here on pins-and-needles worrying and hoping and praying...

...getting this transport aid would assist me in many ways, most importantly making my appointments and then secondly, assisting me with a little liberation. Independence - you know. Get me out and about so that I may watch the car's drive by. Keeping track of license tags from out of state or out of country. There's a mess of Canadian tags down here this time of year. Bleeding Snow Birds...

...yes, I am still sad and blue. It is a package deal for me. Always has been...

...but when mourning is a part of the picture, my heart and Spirit's become heavier. Deeper.

It's still crazy to me to have life be..........to let go and let God...........my Spirit's say this to me...

Soon I will have the Grace to understand all of what it is my Spirit's say. For now I walk a simple Path and enjoy life simple like this.

Sometimes when my In-Laws transport me to and from appointments, I'll listen to the conversation going on and watch the cars drive by. In the morrow, my brother-in-law is transporting me to see Sir Dude. How the anticipation builds...

Sir Dude, damnit!

Meniere's and I Dont Want To Hit The Ground

The lack of coordination and imbalances has taught me very strictly and I have learned in bruising fashion that I don't want to hit the ground...

...my knees are beginning to look peculiarly bulgy and the pains there remind me of every fall I have taken. Whether it be out by the pool - where I fought a noble cause to keep from falling in. Yes odd, but I didn't think about the water being an easier and much softer landing than the concrete that surrounds my cement pond, the pool.

Eww, wait, there is a loud blast of a long beep in my right ear. Now that I mention that, my Deaf left ear is loud too...

...listening to the sounds of a roaring water fall somewhere far and away from here. Away for a spell. Folks don't know unless they know. Speaking of which, alot of Folks just don't know. Even them who enjoy sharing with me that they too have Meniere's Disease. Well, guess what? I am not happy you are affected and effected by this foiken disease...

...and I am happy you are able to drive your fancy cars - go walking about. Enjoy your jobs and work , and all the whatsoever it is you do or don't do. I can only wish I could take a run on the Path that runs North from here! I'm a grown-ass man talking about wishing! What!? Wish it was not necessary to walk with the four-legged cane or the walker. Please?

I don't want to hit the ground. There is no kinship between gravity and I.

I wonder about the Kinship's between Kinfolks and me. Yes, I know, excuse me for drifting off and the projecting. But, Bull Shit. In some kind of weird sort of way I'm glad I did drift off a piece. Who knows? Maybe that was a moment of Emotional Diarrhea? Shit.

The falls in hospital are no less frightful than those made here at home. There are times when the balance is quite off and the coordination is poor that it seems as if falling has become a part of my life that I can't do a damned thing about...

...when I fall, I fall and hit the Earth hard and with great impact. I mean, I have slimmed up, but I'm still a large sort. Being large don't mean Jack, because there's height and weight to consider...

...Mom, always would say to me you may be bigger than me, but the bigger you are, the bigger you fall. Ha! Mom was so correct.

I don't want to hit the ground. I miss you Mom!

This early afternoon, I find myself at low dizzy - low nausea. I have had the sweats and perspiration's off and on since I woke from sleep. The noise in my left ear are now a forest of cicadas in a mad mass mating season. It sounds as if I am surrounded by these very loud beautiful insects. There's crickets too.

I am Blessed to have a while where I am feeling a bit more human and a bit less than a Meniere's Puppet. These times and my good days are not so common. So, you know that I know you know, I know, that I wish to enjoy these moments...

...step out side and breath and listen with my one good bad ear...

...while the left is now sending out an SOS on Morris Code! I am aware of some KGB agents. I hear the high anxiety in the manner of sending this message. These three, deep in the Siberian forest are unaware the Cold War ended decades ago. It's Winter time there in Siberia.

I think I will lay down a few. Maybe sleep - maybe not. I just need to lay down.

I just really don't want to hit the ground!

Really.