Dearest Relation's,
I wish peace.
Before I go much further, I ask that you please accept my mea culpa. I apologize sincerely for my lack of penmanship. Yes, perhaps I could chalk it up to the sleep that has continued now for what amounts to two plus weeks. But I won't. No, not this is not the twenty hours per day of recent, but I am still held within the grips of the slumber. I stopped counting since the last I sent out a communique. Please, my Relations, know I am truly contrite and have a plan to get back into a swing of things in Life, on My Path, and sharing my utterances about this ridiculously mad, silent disease, Meniere's.
As of this moment, 1934, on this date, 08 April, 2013, I am gagging and burping from the nausea caught in my lower throat. I burp with a purpose and still hope that this helps me with the nausea. This is happening right now right here where I have this slight dip between my two shoulder blades. It's like smack dab in front of my lower throat, is where this originates actually. The best I can describe this is to compare it to back when I was Anorexic and Bulimic. You see, sometimes there is a delay of two or three gags before the vomit would expel from my stomach and exit the portal from whence it came. Those days are remembered each and every fucking time I have the nausea and especially the gagging attacks. For shits sake, I'm going to have a stroke behind this heaving and gagging and dry throw up. Maybe just my saliva, with it's hyper-productivity spilling from my lips will please the vomit spirit's. My lip's.
My Deaf Left Ear, is roaring like a giant water fall that I am standing simple yards from. I swear to my own heart that I have NEVER been able to find and read and or get an adequate exclamation of this absurd chaos that goes on between these three ears of mine. I count my BAHA as my third ear. I mean, when I bathe every day, it needs to be washed just like my other two ears. Huh? I can hear two ears being washed only, my right good-bad-ear-hole-to-the-brains and my implant. My Dear Deaf Left, is as out of sound as a door knob. Don't ask...
...yet, today, I listen to and hear voice's, sound's of the swamps of The National Everglades Park at dusk and from Tarzan's Jungle. The sounds of giant six foot tall cicadas are driving me goof-fuckin'-ball-mad this afternoon. My right hear is listening to Jana Kramer, singing "Whiskey". She's singing just to me and my one-ear-hole-to-the-brain. I have been listening to some far off in the distance beeps and almost a funnels like sound distortion weaving these beeps near and far from my hearing. Crazy! Crazy?
My Right Ear has been popping plenty. So very distracting and sometimes so loud, and happening often enough that I will discuss this with my Dr. Danner, on our next face to face. And yes, I take, eat and swallow my medication as ordered and directed every day of life. I swallow..
...like the food I eat for sustenance, I consume the many pills, capsules, and tablets to enable me to continue along this Path of mine. There is great hope that some two are to be discontinued soon. Maybe sometime not too far from now. I pray. And am hopeful that because I swallow these modern day miracle medications, they will do right by me. As I have done right by them, and as it has been that these, my Dear Right Good Doctor's, have prescribed these multi coloured, splintered, razor sharp self-inducing medications that I eat gladly. Daily I swallow. Still.
I have sweat, perspired and misted the majority of my awake time today. Two showers, two t-shirts and here I sit with my "do rag" on my scalp and my favorite red bandanna tied around my neck, not too tight right like, and at this very instant the misting is limited to my neck and scalp. Which is fine by me. Often times this is so damned embarrassing. Especially when in public. Or at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. Or the store with the Two Big Red Ball's out front of it's doors. The store also known as the store with the Big Red Dot. Or, anywhere really. Damn it.
I share that this feels good being here and sitting here sharing with you, my Guest. Thank you for stopping by and reading a bit about me and this Meniere's today. I would like to think that this communique is the one that breaks the pattern of not communicating...
...in my mind, heart and energies, I know that the silences is not what is best for me or the direction I am headed towards. I think certainly I have had a break through. I am holding on and taking this wave to the shore.
I have simply got to get back onto my Pony and keep on riding. Keep on keeping on, is where I come from and at this moment, even though quite uncomfortable and the sweating has returned,
I believe.
This is all I have to say.
I believe.
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