Emotional Manic Days of Mourning

Relation's,

I've been wanting to connect with Kinfolk and Kindred something awful today. These days of some people's dogma and the manic emotions I have lived with are the gumbo of ingredient's within my Spirit's and mind.

Yesterday, three of my four sister's and I, gathered our spouses and our children together. Just to be with one and another for a spell. That's all and also just because it felt right and it was a right good thing to do. It was as if the activity of our gathering was just that, a family in mourning gathering. There was no activity to be had or was it to be required, the gathering it self was the activity our Spirit's cried for. I witnessed it bring joy and happiness in beautifully profound ways to an other wise sad bunch of Kinfolk...

...to see and to listen with my one ear, the youngest of our youth enjoy the company of their Elders was spiritual and inspiring. I must confess that I am aware I was needing to be near love and the these Kinfolk I love so very much. For some reason's, my Abuela's passing has been quite tough on my Daddy Heart, but I am well. It is unfortunately difficult to observe and listen to my children and the children of others respond to our grandmother's passing the way they have. It was a blessing we four sibling's and our youthful one's were near and in special places. The places where loving energy sources are created and were recognizable to the naked eye. Together to honor our Grand Mother. No speeches, no fanciful prayers or mentions. We were together as family and for those of us who might still believe in "birds of a feather", as we were brought up believing in mind and heart that "a bird of a feather", is pretty much set for life when it comes to Kinfolk. To be one and a member of the same flock or the same Clan. To be a member of our multi-raced, Mix Blooded Family and the all that is still very much "in the blood". The thoughts of the sadness that has been in my Kinfolk Spirit's, hurt me in my physical heart so deeply and is so sad that it sings a sad, sad song because this is what sadness sings on the stereo in my head. I have observed too many deaths, have experienced very much death within my Circle's of Kinfolk and Kindred, way too many fucking funerals and have almost grown accustomed to observing how it is we are so similar, yet so different when it comes to death. And dieing. I have grown strained in my Spirit's, by what it is that is said and by what has not been said by some who have had irrational lapses in judgement. My Spirit's, also exhausted by the bitterness of listening to the bull shit that seems to be in a state of over abundance this Spring...

...there are times when I contemplate the reasoning behind the thought processes of people in general and I have oft enjoyed a memorable moment observing grown ass folk conducting themselves as the most ill home trained children in the village. I am not going to make any quotes and not even make any editorial correspondences, because this shit got too personal for too many of my Kinfolk. Sadly, all of this was some genuinely ill and sadly timed bull shit to have up and cut our young Kinfolk to the white meat. Like this? When this kind of shit gets out and the neighbours know and then you read it in "The Florida Sentinel", about that mixed blooded feller, 'cross the county who had done had enough with these people's ill being and conduct in the village...

...so he moved out to the mountain's to reach for the Moon and speak with the Bear's and count the stars. Some place over there, somewhere where the air is cooler and cleaner and the grass a little bit greener too. Go back to the country - back to simpler ways of living. Maybe a return to some of the ways of the Old Mountain Kinfolk, from Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and North Carolina. This DNA runs through my veins. And yes, I have always been such a believer.

I am weary of being put down by self with the depression's that come and go with me and these fucking manic rides I am on that never seem to stop. God Knows, there has been alot going on with the all-the-around of me and this has been an over all, all over active place on My Path. This is where it is I have worked so hard and am dealing steadfastly as possible with these diseases that pester my body. I am on Alert to deal with these demons dwelling within. It is my purpose to be productive in my life and on My Path.  When it comes to My Better State of Health, Mind, and Spirit's, my Team and I "Ride the Wave" as far as we can go. When there is a business plan in place - it's worked. If there was not any business forms in place. We made it happen. Big Prayer and Silent Prayers...

...and, MY DEAREST FOLKS, all of these paper application process's are all basically the same. The same information is exchanged time and time again. It is a massive process of paper application after and after paper application, which in my brain's must be in print and completed in Black Ink. Only. Which even though taxing, has set into motion an active period of growth. And then, my Guest's, I have the game changers in my battle's for my Better Health, Mind, Body, and Spirit's Team. I am so Blessed to have this Dream Team in place. Yes. Yet, as I have done in the past, I will make adjustments to my team when the Team deems this necessary. Now is the time called necessary. Kindred, Folks who are here to assist me, are here to help me into getting myself into a seriously different place on My Path. A whole new level. *Note: Oh yes, as a Team and speaking about business plan's, I will remember to connect with My Advocate, my Therapist, and My Counselor come business hours.

Great Spirit, humbled me and bathed me with good strong rains of a couple of days past. Today, more of God's Rain fell and I begin to feel that I have read this chapter in the book of life before. It is because some of my Kinfolk before me, that we had come from a common path. So, I keep my mouth shut, listen, watch, and learned. I reckon I learned well, you see. From the clouds I saw earlier today, and see I am able to read my palms tell me that some of this bull shit drama was not that well scripted. Honey! Maybe? Maybe some stuff was too prepared to have had "stuff" happen like stuff did. I mean? To have really truly talked shit over a dieing person's personal space is just totally inconceivable in my simple ways of living. Relations, dreadfully, the readings of all this got really bad and really sad. Spoken were words thought of and made talk over my Grand Mother's, Passing Spirit. Seen? It is my knowledge that every person walking into my Grand Mother's room was informed that she could hear everything. Thus, my Grand Mother had to listen to bull shit before she crossed over. All of this, is as if a foot note to a not so cute drama played out on some "Novella" on the Spanish speaking television station. Honey's, look, I may have been a fool's fool in my youth and I paid high taxes for some of those irresponsible and irrational decsions in my life. But, this fool here learned many lessons and the foolish games stopped many many years ago.

All of the above has been such a struggle. Of epic proportions even!

You see, I've gotten older, and as I've gotten older and lost the sound in my left ear and have had the decrease in hearing capability in my right, I learn that the all of this has made me, my, self, and I, more observant with some other senses and goings on. For example, my sense of smell has become so highly sensitized that I am able to smell bull shit ten miles away. I becha I can smell a grill four blocks West from here too. Me?