Kinfolk, Kindred, and Relations,
Good Morning,
Just a few thoughts I would appreciate sharing with some one. I am home alone and them within telephone rage are at work. Today, I want to do something - but do not know what this something is yet. Rather like an itch I can't reach. On days like today, when I sure could use one to speak with, I turn to the Family of Thousands and open up a spell. Would you sit a bit with me?
This morning I woke up with She-Who-Walks-Tall. It hurts my heart knowing that my babe, must leave for work. I have the pangs of a child, when my dearest one must leave me home alone. If some one were to ask, "why is this, Big Bear?", I would have to respond that I miss and want her by me and near me...
...I have had the fortunate business of realizing just how much she means to me, just how much I love this Woman. My "very best good friend"! It breaks my heart when we're apart.
This is the way Great Spirit intended our lives to be. To have been married these thirty two years and have our two beautiful daughters here on Earth Mother with us. It was written before the beginning of time...
...just as this Meniere's Disease was destined to be something that would have come about and literally scatter life as I knew it...
...like leaves in the wind. It was written long before conception.
Wait. Speaking of conception, I have this question floating about and bugging me now for three days or so. Rather than beat about this bush - I'll get to it straight away. The question or concern maybe even, is this, "What if I am afraid of meeting Kinfolk or Folks in Heaven, that I really do not want to see or be with?" There's some issue with me crossing perpetrators in my After Life. God, please say it ain't so...
...how in the hail am I going to wait to be an Elder and have this type of shit pop up? This doubt?
Great Spirit, forgive me please for this childish thought process. Forgive me for my lack of faith.
I am a webble wobble today and no, I don't want to fall down. A bad balance day. So far.
Dizziness and nausea is a 6. I am sweating as I share these words and do my best to listen to some music. Try to distract from these ailments and symptoms of disease Meniere's. And try so hard to not hear the noises going on in my Left Deaf ear. Just realized that I have been the definition of Single Side Deaf/Out Of Sound most of this year. Was able to wear my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid while in Cherokee and Georgia, a few days. Then the silence and those noises, sounds and voices that trouble me most about this Deaf ear...
...a Deaf ear that listens to the noises from within and an ear on the right side that works when it wants to and also provides an array of it's own sounds. Say what?
I share with one and all at this very moment that I suspect the "worms" have been done away with. I have not felt the squiggle of worms for days. What I am feeling though is the scurry of spiders between the flesh on my head and the bone of my skull. I HATE THIS!
My wound is doing very well and appears to be healing in beautiful fashion. I am happy.
Time to step out of doors with these hounds and get some fresh air. I would love some.
No more to be said. For now.
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