This morning I got up early to be with Brenda a while before she went off to work. Am glad I did. I have been so spoiled by her being with me twenty-four hours a day that it hurts my Spirit's when she drives off to work now. My Little Boy and her young teen aged boy friend, gets so lonely, you see. Oh, my dearest One.
Today I am able to feel the sleep trying to creep up on me, but I fight it off. Try like hell to fight it off, because I know that if I were to even go lay down for a rest I would drift off into slumber. And, I just really don't want to sleep. I take the sleep and slumber as defeats. As if I am permitting this disease to put me down. Sometimes for days post Meniere's attack and then on days like now, the sleep is right here on my shoulder's ready for to put me down. Today I want the defeat...
...I have slept too many hours to remember and or count since I had that attack going through Gainsville, Florida. All hours combined would equal to days of sleep. Yesterday was a tough one, but I was able to get through it. Woke up late to go to bed early. Was the way I managed it.
I have been nauseated very uncomfortably today and at this moment feel a knot just below my Adam's apple. This nausea walks with me. On the left side of my body.
The perspiration has settled down some. Just a short time ago I was sweating so bad it was necessary to pull out a couple of my bandannas. Red to be color coordinated with my brown plaid Bermuda's and my dark brown t-shirt. I am listing at this very moment...
...I am dizzy at this moment and have been so most of my day thus far. I feel it in my brains and whirling about my head and skull. I am tip-tapping with a purpose so as not to chit-chat without reason...
...and I think it is the dizziness that makes my vision all fucked up. During and post attack. Too serious about this one. I have not done so, but I am aware of the need to see a new eye doctor. Time for a pair of new "dumps". (Glasses C: 1977) I am reminded daily of my Mom going blind a bit before she crossed over....
...here I am remembering how I would tease the shit out of her too! Now this shit ain't so funny, en'it? Ohhh, my dearest Mommy! I sure do know you would be teasing the poop out of me over the Deaf shit! Ha!
The Worm's are back. I guess they too were off on some sort of holidays. Bastards are back now damn it! I reckon three or four nights back-to-back. They're not toying with me right now. This sensation is very creepy and I really don't know if my doctor's will ever rid me of these pests.
My hearing has been poor since before 18 Feb. 2012. As poor today as yesterday. I hope and pray for clarity yet this seems fleeting. What am I to do? The BAHA, my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, has become uncomfortable to wear and or use. Pain and discomfort has returned to the site of my implant. Too much flesh and lumps have reformed in the area which creates some shrieking and awfully loud feed back. Has popped a loose as well. I miss my BAHA and even though uncomfortable I made myself wear it while up down South, and up in those beautiful mountains that welcome me home every day of life. I needed all the help I could get to hear and listen to Mother Earth, Kindred and to them who came before me...
...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants to have another talk and face-to-face. To make sure we are all on the same page. Which I think is odd because this is something He knows I make sure of. Since and through-out these past four or so years, this is one thing I have always "insured". ALL of us being on the same page. To include my dentist even. I am so on the same page that if I wouldn't be Baker Acted, I would start the operation for him. The site must look hideous with these hairy lumps and flesh extending about, downward and towards the implant. I am just OVER THIS LUMPY situation and want them removed. Yes, "we" are all on the same page.
It has been a good day thus far here in Tampa. A good day to die. Also a beautiful day to be alive and I am blessed for it.
(I just got a loud BEEEEEEEP in my right ear!)
Yes, there times I am defeated. Alot of times I get my ass whooped by this weird ass meniere's and alot of times I "simply must" throw in the towel. Today? No, not today.
I have no more to say.
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