Relations,
I beg your pardon and express my sincere mea culpa's, for my lack of communications this past week and one half. I have had some contact with others from outside of my lodge. An encourageing conversation or two with She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, time with my wife and connections with my daughters, but I have attempted to separate and find self missing Sir Dude, my therapist. Time comes soon for a visit. I know it and I feel this in my Spirit's. No doubt..
..I so miss my dear Old Kindred Spirit and would love to hear her speak and breath. Her wisdom has been a constant in my life and do consider Old Kindred Spirit, one who is as close to me as any human spirit out here. To include my very dear and loving bride.
I suspect this silence of mine was pretty much about nothing-to-do for some. Most, simply don't know and I speak of Kinfolk on this subject. But, to me these several days have occupied damned near all of my mind or not occupied my mind at all. I have found sleep to be a confidant and an awesome ally. My sleep doesn't talk back, you see...
...silence helped me survive the horror's of rape, sexual abuse and incest. Silence also aided me during times of physical, emotional and mental abuse. There's a comfort in silence for me sometimes. My silence has plenty good energy too. Many of times, silence has assisted me while in a state of unrest. There have been times that when the silence is broken. Kinfolk, still, don't want to hear what it is I have to say. So I fight from speaking sometimes. Sometimes, not at all.
Last week I spoke of having some cut-n-snips done. The laboratory exams came back positive for the cancer of the skin.
I highly suspect and do believe that I had an Meniere's vertigo attack on this past Tuesday, 20 March 2012. The room spinning, nausea provoking, and sweat inducing type. This was not a micro or mini sort. This attack lasted for approximately twenty minutes. Whooped me like I was a bad boy. A bad ass boy too. I am sore and ache. Here it is two days later and am fighting the sleep so that I might be able to have a chat with all of you, my Relations...
...when the Meniere's Disease sleep kicks in, and this is the way it has been since Tuesday. Sleep is where I've gained the comfort and separation from this world, my Dream World. I am Blessed, for the power's of Angels have been strong and have calmed the nightmares and terror dreams...
...and for hours on end let me forget about what is happening to my body.
That sounds familiar. I am sorry. I'm thinking like a ping-pong ball in the Florida Lotto number box. Shit!
Today, 22 March 2012. I had my Preparation's for Surgery this morning and a good piece of the afternoon. Blood work's and EKG's and being passed about as if I were a pawn. Oh yes, I am now a patient number first - and then I and me.
Surgery will be done on Monday afternoon at 1230. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will be cutting and removing tissue and lumps that has become problematic for my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I'll go in at 1030 and be out of hospital early evening. I hope, eh? The BAHA itself was taken away for shipment to manufacture for repair. This is when I go at it SSD. Single Side Deaf. That's the way I roll.
I will have the surgery to remove the two spots of cancer sometime in mid-April.
I send many prayers of thanks to Russia and China for reconsidering their decisions on what is happening in Syria. I also send prayers of thanks and gratitude to Great Spirit. My One and only God.
Love, peace and more peace, me
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