My Super Woman, Wife and Kindred, I'm A Fool For You Babe

Oh me oh my, I know I'm a fool for you babe. Yes, I know. I'm simply applying this to my life. And my love.

Sounds like the very exact spot that I'm standing on in my life and My Path. How good it feels to have these ups and happens in life.  Oh me,

...oh my, the stuff we could talk about right now. And all the night through. But, I be damned good-goodness, life and this My Path, I travel keep me trying to get where Brenda asks me to go when she sees I've gone frantic. Oh, my dear babe, I am crazy for you more today than all of those years long and a long time ago. We've just kept it real and we have realized that it takes two to roll like this. Thank you one million times for bringing me back in. I love ya, Babe.

My dear Great Spirit, I thank you for Aretha Franklin and I thank you for her beautiful voice..

...Miss. Aretha, you have been a piece of this fellows life and it makes me happy to say it is still so. Oh me, oh my, how life has just gone on like a set aside Hollywood novel with a shiny person in it...

...for me, this person is this beautiful woman of mine. Oh me oh my! I don't think she knows just how much I still love her. I think that's why I keep on listening to Aretha, or Al Green, or Mr. Marvin Gaye. My dear Brenda, I want you to feel and know just how much of a fool I've been for you in my life.OKAY! Now, WAIT! I mean this in the way a person who has been married to another for decades could very well be. I mean, like look at me and she...whoa, my dear wife. I love you and live a piece of my dream every time we are here. Side by side! I love you Babe!!

Nostalgic? Please help me then.

32 years. Thirty two years. Plus the years prior to marriage, you see? We were high school sweet hearts. So that adds in my book another 5 to six years. This woman, she wants to debate and make it very difficult. I don't understand. It must be a "woman" thang. Dig?

Gotta Go!!! Holla!!! I really would love it!!! Oh me - oh my Brenda, I love you!

The Pain and The Pain Of Meniere's

The pain on the left side of my skull is describable yet hideous in it's very nature. I wonder, is this the paining of the recovering process or is this the pain of having had my head sliced and diced just two mornings ago. I don't know. The site still bleeds and tells me alot about pain without saying a word.

I have followed the regimen as directed by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain to the every minute detail. Doing this has done me alot of good and I am thankful to doctor for the "do's and don'ts"...

...but, Hun, at this moment I feel what I can imagine the affects of being hit on the head by a base ball bat or a base ball itself traveling at eighty-some MPH would feel like. Whomp, whomp, upside the head, whomp-whomp upside the head. I have had surgeries on both sides of my head and with every one of them a different and unique recovery.

It's queer to this guys eye that I can feel, but can not see much of what went on back there behind my Left deaf ear. Doctor says this is the "once and for all" one, so let me see. And please, also to have less pain, please?

This sumamabitchin' pain is so bad, my right eye orb is in some state of pain because of it. What? Yes, I pinkie swear!

I slept until 1600 today. From early yesterday evening. Brenda has been here to check in on me every once in a bit. She has changed gauze and would provide hygiene to the area where the blood had slid down and dried. There is an odd as hell transparent skin orb applied about my implant and the site of surgery. I can't tell anything has happened. Yet! By the sight of my eye orbs, I see that my neck has been ill affected. By touch yes, I sense change. Not seeing the change yet. And by the sweat provoking pain and nausea, hell yes. Doctor was up to some snippin' and a grinnin' for sure. We have fought a Nobel battle and I would do this again if my Doctor were to tell me that something has come along- blah, blah, blah. Please, we have faced so many different surgeries. A couple or three procedures in clinic too...

...what about those bloody series of life altering injections. Eww, please...

...time and time again I have placed my life and head into this doctors hand's. There is a bond connected and established between a doctor and his patient. I know this based on what prayers have said in my simple place of thoughts and safety and well being.

This pain reminds me of what we did Monday.

The Meniere's reminds me of why I offered my head, skull and all contents to my Doctor. As I sit and attempt to communicate clearly - the pain on and in my Left Dear Ear is torture. The Beeps with-in same ear reminds me that sometimes I can and do pick up what sounds like communications from a long ago era. Every damned day to include all of the day since I awoke - I have had the beep and beeps. Kindred, what more can I say?

Oh please, before I forget, my awesome and loving Hound Ting Ting is having issues with Grampie's White Plastic Ear! Haha! Bless Her Heart! She pains for my pains but is unable to look grampie in the eye's.

I pardon my self and wish all peace.

God Bless, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and his beautiful family, and Great Spirit, please always protect the hands of the man you decided to bless with the knowledge my body's function's. I would take a bullet for this extraordinary fellow earth Being. No brainer.

Thank you.

 

Home From Sugery. Note: I May Be Down A Couple Of Days Or Such

Dearest Relations,

I am home Now. Got to my Safe Place right about 1745 this early evening and have begun the process of healing here in my lodge. With my wife, daughter, three hounds and two turtles. I am Blessed to have had He-Who-Touched-My-Brain conduct this surgery and know in my Spirit's that He took extraordinary care of me. As did my OR Nurse, my Doctor-Who-Injects-The-Medications and covered my face with an excellent smelling face mask and count backwards from two hundred. Think I got to 188? This doctor is the same anesthetist, (I'll call him Dr. Sam) since my first surgery a few years gone by and has well been each and every one since. Hell, I love him! And I trust him with my life. He "wurks" It every time and our repore makes me feel safe in my heart and eases the strain and anxiety of waking during surgery.

I remain under the influence of the morphine and feel mighty ready to get some time in my room and my safe place within it. My return in Dream World is immenat. Gladly, I say. Please Dream this pain, nausea, and dizziness right out of my thoughts for a good nights rest. I have begun the process of introducing new medications into my routine of taking medicine. Smoothly.

The site is covered by a sturdy plastic padded cup. Rather sort of a baseball cup, just round instead of shaped to cover the privates of baseball catchers. I will have to wear it until my next appointment next week. I get to wear a shower cap for a spell. Would love an attractive one - not plain blue or yellow. I want a nice and pretty shower cap. No, I have not seen the site of surgery. I have been in excruciating pain since I awoke from anesthesia and I don't want to gross myself out. Dig? I do wish to share that since surgery, the site has bled something dreadful, as in a copious amount of my beautiful deep red and warm blood has been shed. The kind that has slides down my neck and I not know until my bride gasps for breath and begins First Aid. Should this continue, a call to doctor and trip to Emergency will be reality. The surgery took considerably longer than planned and or scheduled by the Folks who coordinate surgeries. Somebody forgot that Mr. Duuuuude here as a very hard coconut. Been told so by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, himself. Oh yes, I sure do remember Mom and Dad saying them very same words decades ago. Sounds like a ready made helmet to me too, don't it?

Doctor, has moved up my follow-up visit to Monday of this coming week, the 26 of March. It was originally scheduled for 11 April 12. But poop happened I suppose...

...my Crystal Ball informs and reports that there was an issue of some sort or another. Will find out then, for sure.

This is all I have to say.

p.s. Today was also a good day to be alive.

Off To Hospital For Surgery Directly

Kinfolk, Kindred and All Relations,

Well, here I am tip-tapping awaiting 0915 to strike, then off to hospital for some fresh slice, snip and dice. No, this isn't the first time, but God, please let it be last time. The only surgery remaining for the skull, would be another implant and that isn't in the horizon. That's up the road a piece. Oh yes, and up to Great Spirit.

By the way, it doesn't matter how many times One is operated on there is no getting used to the concept of having the skull cracked or the skin cut and pieces of my head removed. No, I just never have grown accustomed to it...

...and please believe this is not about trust. Folks know how much I trust and love my doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Our relationship is one of the most extraordinary relationships I have ever had in life. I pray for him and his family and pray for the Great Spirit to Bless his hands.

Please Great Spirit, Bless his hands and the hands of them who will assist him during this surgery.

In an odd and usual sort of way, I'm looking forward to this taking place. I would love to be able to wear and use my implant for the utmost usage. This mini-computer that I so often attach to mine skull. I miss it and am eager for it to be returned from the manufacture. Won't be able to wear it for a spell, but I sure do want it here with me for when I can.

I am not really nervous. There is only one thing I am afraid of and that is waking up during the surgery. It wouldn't bother me in the least if I didn't wake up from it. Today is a beautiful day and it is a good day to die. I would be heading right back up to down South. Just please, please, do not let me wake during this surgery...

...Folks would be reading about me from here in Tampa to Tibet, Tokyo and Turkey.

Got to go.

Much love, peace and more peace, Mario

p.s. I usually do not wake thirsty, but today I could drink two liters of Iced Green Tea - one liter at a time. Ha!

Vomit, Crickets, Caterpillars and Gagging Oh My

While out gardening earlier, as in .5 hour ago I say these tiny little crickets - no bigger than my pinkie finger nail...

...I imagine now while in the light of day, "God, what then are the sizes of them that reside within my ears?"

I listened to the song of the Red Winged Black Bird and the coo-coos of dove of various sizes growing inpatient for me to move so they could have some lunch and a sip or three of fresh water. Butterfly's fly about with reckless abandon and there's a spider trying to create a web in this late March Florida Breeze connecting from tree branch to roof top. Have found several caterpillars munching on one of my flowering plants and don't know what to do. What Butterfly would do this to my Milk Weed plants in my Central Park. Which is my garden in the North yard that is in the shape of a giant penis. I did this for them who fly over my property.

My heart thumps in a peculiar way and I feel way out of sorts. I vomited this morning after break fast. Since then I have had a knot in my throat and every time I burp to assist me with this nausea, I taste this mornings meal. Today's vomit did not make me feel better. I suspect it has aided in me feeling a bit worse than before I vomited.

I am sweating and am quite dizzy. Very damned uncomfortable and we are expecting guests later this late afternoon. Oh Boy...

...unless I were to fall or grow more agitated, I will keep our plans. Social gatherings and events are things I hope and pray for. Sometimes even able to plan for...

...as long as The Meniere's Disease minds it's business.

Want to attend to Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen. Our dearest growing yet still tiny lil' Turtle family members...

...love, peace and more peace, me

Let Me Share Something About Hearing and Listening

I am shooting from the hip again today. I don't feel like myself this afternoon, but it's tea time so I'll have a cup of Warrior's Brew. Reminds me of my dear friend and mentor, Medicine Woman, She-Who-Lives-On-A-Kindred-Path...

...my Spirit's are stirred and my pulse is increased by thoughts and memories of you and the lessons you have taught me. Your talks. I often times consider and contemplate how fortunate and Blessed I am to have had our Path's cross all of those years ago. O', my dear Sister, I miss you immensely.

Today has been a poop poor hearing day and I thought maybe I would share a bit on this hearing piece of mine. As today is shit poor, the morrow may bring a day when I may hear fairly well, or a day like I had when I had audiology tests on 14 March 2012, when my hearing was having an awesome day. Then there are the days when my hearing takes roller coaster rides. Them silent episodes I have tipped-tapped about in the past...

...every foiken day of life, I live with the sounds and noises, to include voices, that will often get so loud it has stirred me from my slumber. These sounds have made themselves at home in my ears and both brains. There have been many times when I couldn't help but listen...

...to them pre-historic crickets, giant cicadas, and jet planes parked in my back yard. I have had the sound of helicopter sound so near - I have stuck my head out of doors to see if I could find the source of this noise. All of which I have listened to in my Deaf Left Ear. Oh yes, I failed to mention the Morris Code. The messages that come from the KGB, the Canadian Mounties and the F.B.I., come across very clearly in between these ears of mine.

We have had too many set backs with my BAHA. This is the processor that is attached to the implant that provides some sort/source of hearing for a Deaf Ear. We have had too much and many issues at the site of implant. Now, my processor itself has issues that have required posting off to manufacturer for repair. This has happened a few times before. I am aware He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants this over and done with as much and as bad as I(the surgery), but please, I just look forward to a life where my quality of life is improved. The operations and procedures have been way too frequent. Doctor must have some idea. Wait! Damn it, looking back at that comment lets me feel guilty for the thought. I "know" that Doctor respects and cares about the all-of-me and I also know He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, has plenty idea of what it is we have gone through. I see it in his eyes and face.

Hearing is one of those things we take for granted in life. I know this as a fact...

...today I am SSD and so damned HH, but I keep keeping on.

Love, peace and peace, mario

Mea Culpa, Up-Dates On Meniere's, Cancer, And Surgeries

Relations,

I beg your pardon and express my sincere mea culpa's, for my lack of communications this past week and one half. I have had some contact with others from outside of my lodge. An encourageing conversation or two with She-Who-Lives-With-The-Cherokee, time with my wife and connections with my daughters, but I have attempted to separate and find self missing Sir Dude, my therapist. Time comes soon for a visit. I know it and I feel this in my Spirit's. No doubt..

..I so miss my dear Old Kindred Spirit and would love to hear her speak and breath. Her wisdom has been a constant in my life and do consider Old Kindred Spirit, one who is as close to me as any human spirit out here. To include my very dear and loving bride.

I suspect this silence of mine was pretty much about nothing-to-do for some. Most, simply don't know and I speak of Kinfolk on this subject. But, to me these several days have occupied damned near all of my mind or not occupied my mind at all. I have found sleep to be a confidant and an awesome ally. My sleep doesn't talk back, you see...

...silence helped me survive the horror's of rape, sexual abuse and incest. Silence also aided me during times of physical, emotional and mental abuse. There's a comfort in silence for me sometimes. My silence has plenty good energy too. Many of times, silence has assisted me while in a state of unrest. There have been times that when the silence is broken. Kinfolk, still, don't want to hear what it is I have to say. So I fight from speaking sometimes. Sometimes, not at all.

Last week I spoke of having some cut-n-snips done. The laboratory exams came back positive for the cancer of the skin.

I highly suspect and do believe that I had an Meniere's vertigo attack on this past Tuesday, 20 March 2012. The room spinning, nausea provoking, and sweat inducing type. This was not a micro or mini sort. This attack lasted for approximately twenty minutes. Whooped me like I was a bad boy. A bad ass boy too. I am sore and ache. Here it is two days later and am fighting the sleep so that I might be able to have a chat with all of you, my Relations...

...when the Meniere's Disease sleep kicks in, and this is the way it has been since Tuesday. Sleep is where I've gained the comfort and separation from this world, my Dream World. I am Blessed, for the power's of Angels have been strong and have calmed the nightmares and terror dreams...

...and for hours on end let me forget about what is happening to my body.

That sounds familiar. I am sorry. I'm thinking like a ping-pong ball in the Florida Lotto number box. Shit!

Today, 22 March 2012. I had my Preparation's for Surgery this morning and a good piece of the afternoon. Blood work's and EKG's and being passed about as if I were a pawn. Oh yes, I am now a patient number first - and then I and me.

Surgery will be done on Monday afternoon at 1230. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, will be cutting and removing tissue and lumps that has become problematic for my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. I'll go in at 1030 and be out of hospital early evening. I hope, eh? The BAHA itself was taken away for shipment to manufacture for repair. This is when I go at it SSD. Single Side Deaf. That's the way I roll.

I will have the surgery to remove the two spots of cancer sometime in mid-April.

I send many prayers of thanks to Russia and China for reconsidering their decisions on what is happening in Syria. I also send prayers of thanks and gratitude to Great Spirit. My One and only God.

Love, peace and more peace, me

Thank You To Who-Pressed-The-"One"-Up!

Oh my dear, I would love to extend a heart warmed "Thank You", to who ever may have critiqued My Path. I am Honoured and quite humbled by this...

...you are my first.

Thank you! How dear...

...this is so awesome!

Love, peace and more peace, Mario

Meniere's Disease, Catch Up and Angels

Today is 15 March 2012. It is 1740 and I sit here waiting to hear the telephone ring. Waiting for my Bride to check in on me. Nicole did earlier. We were on Skype over two hours. So far, far and away. My daddy heart aches...

...let me cut straight to the fore front of my brains as I have my daughter in my heart and awaiting tests from procedures on Monday and preparing for what He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I spoke of on this past Tuesday.

Procedures and the specimens from Monday past, are off to the laboratory and so I wait. Which really sucks. The damned waiting...

...six or seven injections into him and things should get better Down South. Last time I had that many injections down that way was when I got fixed. It was an awesome and cool procedure. I got to watch as the doctor did a vasectomy on me junk down below. A day that will not be forgotten. I'll call when I get the results...

...foiken results!

He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, informs me there will be much pain. I beg him not to let me suffer. This is an all systems go scenario. The operation will take place week after next. I reckon it's the idea of having more snip-snip on the skull that hurts my feelings. Oh me, oh my, the pains I have had to endure along with the disease that created these issues to begin with. Foiken Meniere's!

Today has been an off day. The dizziness has made for a very tipsy morning and afternoon. It actually got so bad I had to come in from Gardening. The balance and coordination is off center.

I have sweat and perspired off and on today. To the point of bandanna on the skull and about my neck kind of day. This makes me feel very dirty. I suspect because it is an unearned sweat or perspiration. I don't know if I expressed myself correctly on this, but I won't censor what has been tip-tapped.

Nausea has been ever present and fluctuates up and down. Never really gone - just more in my throat during the day and night. So, yes, I still burp...

...in a very foiken interesting case of life imitating life, I apparently have not one but two neighbours near by who have foiken train horns for their beep-beep horn. I mean, really?! Brian, have you heard these bastards? Damn it! It's bad enough that I hear trains in my back yard anyways, BUT, now for foiken real! I mean really...

...like a real dream come true! WTF?!

Unless there were two tug boats going down the channel out back. IDK?

The sounds at this moment are swamp and nature...

...in both of my ears. Not synced - but cicadas, crickets, frogs, gators mating out back and all like that.

Loudly and truly altering my present state...

... even though my Left Ear is Deaf as a door nail. The right One is living in an elevator. I live this. Every damned day of My Path. Sometimes total deafness for several seconds that seem an eternity when it happens. Sometimes I can't hear worth a damned and other times, things are too foiken loud! Damn! Shit! Damn it! Shit!

But, I push on-ward. As I know I "must", a term use carefully because it is such an irrational word...

...yet then it is so that I must push myself to exceed my own expectations. That exceeds what is  considered the "norm"...

...in my eye orbs and in my heart, I feel these "norms" placed on Folks with disabilities could use a bit of a follow up. There's too foiking damned many Folks out here taking advantage of this benefit we receive from our country.

The things mine eye's have seen...

Queen - Under Pressure (HQ) (Live At Wembley 86)

I share this with all Relations. We are all "Under Pressure"! Some Folks, refuse to acknowledge that this is a fact of life. Some Folks like to think that their little world is so quaint and cute. No, it is compact and set aside, as life passes on by. Use caution when One is in your circle or is on the out-skirts of your circle who speak of this, "aways" being okay...

...brilliant idea, but, no. Life, is just not like that. We all have some sort or sorts of pressure and stresses in our worlds...

...it is a lesson with life and for life's future.

There are times when One is permitted to experience what serenity feels like, to smell the mists of tranquility and to know that peace exists...

...this is a task. We are to learn this from Mother Earth and The One, and practice.

Sometimes not so simple.

A Surgical Procedure This Morn, Cut, Snip And Stitch

Greetings Relations,

I'll make this this a brief communique because I am preparing for a surgical procedure this morning. The time is scheduled for 1115.

I will be having a lump removed from my penis. From the very same place I have had a lump removed before. This lump has grown immediately under the scar and is considerably larger than the lump previously removed.

I am anxious, and yes, I am scared and nervous too.

One reason I am anxious is that even in a doctors office I am uncomfortable exposing my privates to other Women. Perhaps it is silly, but this is the way my mind works. My privates are mine and my wife's and I am unaccustomed to pulling Mr. Wang, out for others to see. I am scared and nervous too because I do not look forward to this at all. This is more like I am unpleased with this whole process of cut, snip and sew and then send specimen to laboratory.

The waiting is the hardest part and is something else that works my nerves really bad.

While at this doctors office I shall also have procedures done on my face and under my right arm because of peculiar lumps and one odd lesion.

So, yes I am a bundle of nerves at this moment. Please keep good energies, prayer and love directed this way.

I am nauseated. dizzy and am perspiring. A very uncomfortable morning indeed.

Love, peace and more peace,
me

Meniere's and Gotye, Got Me Ear Hole

Welcome,

Someone has placed a musical surprise on my i-pod. The music is slicing my flavour's directly in half. Like the apposite of blasting a fire cracker to startle...

...this music is joyfully finding it's way down my rabbit hole and into my heart, Spirit's and brains...

...setting off fire works display in the folds of my brains. The name of this album is, "Making Mirrors". There is a song on here I've had the opportunity to enjoy with one ear preformed by a Canadian group, "Walk Off The Earth". Both groups have a flavour of their own yet fly parallel to one another. In my rabbit hole, anywho.

This musical group is Gotye. There's an extraordinary blend of electronic and dance, alt-rock, a dash of funk, African-influenced,  jazz and an '80's feel on a couple tunes. Not all tunes work but neither do the one's off of every other artist album out there. This album is a blast! 

Thank you, to the one who gifted me with such awesome music. I enjoy this crazy sick! Thank you, and then you again...

...and just between you and I, I won't say anything about you forgetting the compact disc here at the desk...

...Bless your heart, Honey.

I would also like to thank all Kinfolk and and Kindred for such a phenomenal weekend. It was a pleasure to meet you Morfitha! The visit has done me good and I know for a fact it sure agitated Mr. and Mrs. Meniere's. Too bad. Just having you all near by aided in recharging my batteries. Which was so desperately needed...

...Saturday I had slept a chunk of the day. Meniere's had been kicking the shit out of me and the rump. Something hard too, from the day before with high ailments and symptoms. Today has been a fairly good day. The sweats, nausea and dizziness have had me wrapped around their finger. I sit here now, in a cool lodge and am sweating at this very moment. The nausea is at the Adam's apple and I feel a dizziness from a post roller coater ride dizzy...

...what an awesome time with Kinfolk and Kindred. My heart has been touched by many. I am blessed. I know this and sitting here tip-tapping and have decided that for now, I stop.

Love, peace and peace...

Hello, This Is My Meniere's And I

Kinfolk, Kindred and All relations,

Hello, I am named Mario. I am extraordinary husband to my wonderful wife and am an excellent father to my two beautiful daughters. I bet I live to be like HE, who says we are all the above. I love my three women with all of my heart, mind, body and Spirit's. I don't know which way my life would have gone with out my dearest Brenda. I don't know what I would do without her in my life today. She is my bride, my BFFF, and the Mommy to my beautiful baby's. She is also my nurse, motivational guest speaker, and my doctor...

...we both know what Hell looks like. Our ears know what it sounds like and we know the stench of hell. We also know what Heaven looks like and what Grace and thanks feel like. Here we are 32 years after the day we wed. And I love her more today than ever before.

There were times we would hop in our Volkswagen Bug and hit the highway's of Southern Florida. I would drive us to South Beach before it was "sooo" cool to be in South Beach. Shit, we would get into disco's and clubs with no cover charge or invitation. I would drive us down and deep into the Everglades to the most Southern shore or West and the North deep and into Seminole Nation. I would also drive us, North to Lake Okeechobee. We would take daycations to Naples, Florida on the old State Road 84. Driving was like having wings for me. Wherever I wanted to go, we would go. My God.

When my baby's started to come visit us from the other side, they went on the drive abouts with their dad. From a wee baby to grown ass women I would drive us about. We would go riding deep into the Everglades and the Reservation. We would drive us back and forth under the tunnel in Fort Lauderdale for the fun of it. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!! and listen to the echos and our laughter. I would drive us up South to North Carolina, for family holidays and vacations. When we got to our destination, we would unload our luggage and the be off on the drive.

 My brothers Danny and David and I would "try" to get lost. We never did. We had become a living and respecting piece of the Everglades. Northern, Western, Eastern and Southern most parts of The River of Grass. We knew South Florida like we knew our Kinfolk. We would find our location - not lose sense of where we were. We would gather and fit our XXL body's into my Bug and drive...

...there were times I would simply jump into the Bug and just drive. Destination unknown...

...and/or destination's known. It mattered none to me because I could drive. Just drive to watch the Sun set or rise early enough to drive East to watch the Sun rise. And drive.

Until four years ago when the Meniere's moved in with my family and I.

You see, there was a time when I would drive to my job at Starbucks Coffee Company, I held for many years. I loved my green apron. I loved our partners and our product. I loved and so miss the thousands of customers that crossed my Path because of where ever it was I was at, at that particular moment. I loved my job so damned much, it stopped being a job, stopped being "work". I was enjoying it so much. I was living the life! Going back a few more years, I had the super opportunity to work for Best Buy and had an awesome time with my co-workers in the Big Blue Box. So damn much fun that this too did not seem like a job. Yes, we busted our ass's at both of these companies, but damn it if we were not like family with both company's. Sometimes we laughed, sometimes we cried and sometimes we fought like children over the silliest of matter's. But it did not matter, we always had each others back when shit got heavy or even when things got ugly. What awesome days those were. Such camaraderie. So many friends, customers, and them who became like one huge multi-ethnic community and family. I love you all and miss you too. How is it we get so scattered and yet carry that love and respect in our hearts? IDK.

Then came the Meniere's Disease while Store Manager with Starbucks Coffee Company. The illness's and symptoms early on were puzzling and perplexing to every doctor I had working with me at the time. It was haunting me because I did not know what was going on with my health. I was at that time also having major problems with asthma, which required multiple hospitalizations and also had sinus surgery's during this time. I and I mind, heart and Spirit's, were sad and heavy because I knew that things were coming to a place where the disease's were interfering with my performance at work and as a husband, as a father and child. Slowly, I was being altered right before my eyes and those who kept their eye's on me saw and observed. This was a very sad time for me and my family, friends and partners at Starbucks...

...for quite sometime during this exile the gloom had me under it's thumb. Things got bad.

I was in every definition of the word, a lab monkey. Doctor after doctor would run test after test. Laboratory tests upon laboratory tests. X-rays, CT scans and MRI's. Time and time again. One doctor would do this or that and then pass me along to the next doctor who did that or this, and then that doctor passed me on. Etc.

Finally, I was refereed to Doctor Danner, aka He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. As if sent by Great Spirit to cease the Lab Monkey routine, Dr. D., was able to diagnose me within a very short few minutes. An Earth Angel sat feet from me, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain...

...we started the business of dealing with the Meniere's with a series of intense exams and tests. Then on to diet and medications, which did not work. We went with and into a series of six gentamycin injections. Which is injected straight and directly into my left ear chamber. My God, what horrific pain! Fortunately, the pain would linger but for a very brief time. This did not work either. Over the course of many months and way too many medications from all doctors involved in my Better health Plan, it was obvious to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I, that we had to move on to a broader approach on this issue.
.
Through-out all of this which extended over a course of many months, my Starbucks Coffee Company, supported me in every imaginable fashion. My district manager was an incredible source of positive energy and he stuck by my side as if he was family. His business decorum was exceptional as he was an exceptional person. I was and am Blessed to have had our Paths cross. There were times when I needlessly feared losing my position because of the illness's and the amount of doctors and hospitalizations in my life. My DM and my fellow partners were very supportive and caring and tried like heck to calm me down. For them, I am thankful. Because of them, I will never forget them.

Doctor Danner and I discussed the different surgical approaches in dealing with Meniere's. So we began the process's of sawing my skull open for a lambrynthectomy. We sliced open my ears both left and right, for nerve snips or sac destruction's, doing all we could while combating and searching for something that would assist me in gaining a healthier way of life. We had an implant placed into my skull. We've had surgical procedures in clinic to remove infections and lumps that manifested about my implant.

 Recently a very dear and sweet friend asked me if I ever had a second opinion about this subject. I said no, as did my wife. I began to doubt myself and my Business Plan for a Better Health and let myself worry about what my decisions on My Path. Yet "now", I remember that I did in fact get a second opinion. It came from the One Elder Doctor, who established this Hearing and Balance clinic many many years ago. He is the Elder between the two doctors and both are considered in the Top 50 in the Country. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, would not proceed to surgical means without the opinion of the One Elder Doctor. I am pleased to have remembered this as I had let such talk create a bad dull anxiety in my Center. A memory and a happy major relief, there are two doctors who practice on helping me get to a healthier state of hearing.

I continue to take my medications to aid in my day to day. When we sawed and cracked my head open, I lost hearing and balance on the left side, thus I use a quad-cane or walker when weaker due to the Meniere's attacks. I live with the symtoms every good damned day. Still.

As a form of Physical Therapy I do simple exercise and lift light weight bar bell's, am up to a 15 pounder and have a kettle bar. Today will be day four of gardening and the semi Plank. Today is day four of pushing and pushing it good and proper, I would say. I see that my gardens are  enjoying the extra and long awaited attention. So, I garden.

I am nesting. I feel this in a physical way in my Center. Or is it early Spring cleaning?

My bride informed me last evening that I am preparing for surgery. I don't debate this.

Yes, I am. And I am who I am.

P.S. I miss driving and I miss my Starbucks Coffee Company. 

Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough (Remastered Video)

...........just can't get enough.............oh, what day's those were and what
days I lived......and lived to tell..............

....when no, i knew i couldn't get enough.........oh, what days.

I miss Depeche Mode...............a sadness lives within a piece of my
heart.........

........love, peace and more peace.................me.............

Use It B-4 You Lose It, Meniere's, Mr. Wang, and The Semi-Plank

Have just recently learned the meaning of "use it before you lose it". Had an idea of it's definition for quite some time now, but with this Meniere's Disease and it's stuff and preparing for another operation by He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, I see a bit clearer now.

The lump that needs to be cut off Mr. Wang...

...this bitchin' lump came back to exact same spot. On and South of where the last lump was cut and stitched. Immediately below the scar. I am not known as Scar Face, I am known as Scar Wang! Disturbing, en'it? Then having to include what has grown into two small lesions removed. Then to be tested.

I don't know what to say right now.

I do know this! Over the past two days I have been able to be in a position to do some gardening. On the yesterday I realized and yes, it thunks in mine skull, that what I have been doing while gardening has been semi-Planks! I know this to be a reality. While gardening I am on my knee's and hands, sometimes rotating between left and right hands to task...

....there are times when I use both hands as I am ambidextrous. Which leaves my back, buttocks (the trunk)and thighs to do the work. I can actually feel the after-affects today from yesterday and Oh, it feels so damned good. Today is day three. Besides my usual lifting weight and kettle bar usage, this is a huge benefit for me and my "Health and Emotional Better Business Plan".

I have had a brief break and now it's time to get back on all four's. Or three's or two's.

Before I excuse myself, let me share that keeping the back straight and erect is important during these routines. I have also had the pleasure and fortune of having many different muscle's on my body improve with their erectness. The importance is beyond measuring in detail...

...honestly. This includes both halves of my brain.

"Better use it before you lose it", is too damned for real.

Thank you.

Kings Of Leon - Back Down South, A Snap Shot Of My Life Story

To all of my Kinfolk, Kindred and Relations,

This is a snap shot of the life I lived way back when. Yes, I did these things and enjoyed a life with even so much more...

...yes, I am a Southerner and I am mighty proud of it. I still don't know 'bout those damned Yankee's yet! Up and down both sides of by parents tree of generations! All of them before me, as far back as I can reach - have been born right here in the "Dirty South". LOL!

Seriously, many and most all of those years back in the 1970's and 1980's and up until now really, these are and were some things we would do to entertain ourselves. To include escaping from Mom and dads house back in the day. We would catch free concerts and shows, though our music the majority of the time, came from car stereos and boom boxes. (I still have a boom box actually:)

It wasn't that long ago I attended one of my Cousin's Wedding in a beautiful and cozy barn and rodeo arena. I promise, this was the BEST danged wedding I have ever been to! Included with the wedding and reception was the obligatory family "brawl". My good-goodness never had I had so much fun at a wedding!

Just a few weeks ago, my Bride and I were all excited and full of anticipation to get up, Back Down South, once we were prepared and headed to Flowery Branch and Cherokee. Then, after a nice time and a very pleasant visit up down South, it was awesome when it was then time to go "Back Down South"...

...it's a Southern Thang, you see? There's a damned whole bunch of Folk who just haven't figured this out yet, and really just don't understand.

Bless their hearts...

...I hope you all have enjoyed the song and story. I have. I also dig the Kings of Leon!

Thank you, to all who have crossed My Path.

me

Request for Certification of ADA Paratransit Eligibility - Approved!

This note is to share with All Relations that I have received notification that my recent request for Certification of ADA Para transit Eligibility was approved with Unconditional eligibility! I am still unsure. Have not wrapped this about my brains yet.

I know this, I am Blessed. I am a fortunate One.

Great Good God, this is soon to be my main source of mass transit from sooner than soon and ahead. These good right honorable people will provide me transport to and from my home's front door to the clinic or Medical Office Building.

I have anxiety because I can see freedom from the exile but yet to taste the flavour of Independence.

There will eventually be a practiced and tried routine with our Hartplus system. By the way, in the mean time, this system did not sen my photo I.D., but a voucher for the idea. Now, must I really arrange transport for them to take "another" photograph of me when I have already had my photograph taken. Hey, what can I say? I'm the newbie right now.

My Relations, this is humbling for me. Brenda, my wife, always asks me, "why do you doubt so?". She is my Soul Mate, you all. My BFFF! I love her with all of my heart. I don't doubt that...

...I doubt the very worthiness of the Blessings bestowed upon me and my Spirit's. That's all.

Back to the ADA.

IMMA statistic...

...and I very dislike being just another "statistic". That's the way I've been since childhood.

Good news, yes? A mix of emotions, yes and a big thanks for all of the prayers and positive energies from one and all.

This is all.

Cherokee Contemplations

I have had some time to reflect on this most recent pilgrimage to Cherokee. Was able to see them who live on Reservation, them off and near the Cherokee Reservation. Them who live on mountain sides...

...like my Kinfolk from just a couple of decades ago, and think of my Grandmothers Grandmother...

...meditating and contemplating about Our fellow Earth Mates. Them in Russia and those on the entire continent of Africa. My brothers and sisters who can not read these words because their government censors what goes through the air and invisible wire. I continue to pray for my fellow Earth Spirit's in China and Canada. Same too and for them in Syria, Egypt and Ethiopia. I pray for every Native American, no matter what Tribe or Nation.

I pray especially for them who I saw in the Appalachians, who have abandoned their homes. Homes in a pretty good shape and the those homes that had fires and much of all was burned down - but One could see where Folks had their bed's and chest of drawers with a huge mirror. No roof because the fire took most of it. Exposing all of their personal belonging's. Yes, Our people's are abandoning homes and property...

...this is not only an "Indian Thing", it is and are the White Folk who live up in these mountains. The Mexican, who as are the Blacks are off and into their communities. It is sad to see the very visable segregations. The catastrophic sight is one for all and all for one does not work here I suspect. Poverty does not discriminate. I know that right there very personal like. But to view so many throughout Georgia, North Carolina and Cherokee. It is heavy and sad to the heart.

I do not see why more Native Americans are not working the casino scene. For Pete's sake, I saw homeless Indians on the fucking reservation! Really!? Unemployment is sky high. Suicide is sky high. Cherokee's in disparate state. Old homes and older trailers ill-maintained. Yard upon yard of rubbish. As if the inhabitants threw in their white towel way before I began having pilgrimage to Cherokee. Damned near every Indian or White person I saw was smoking cigarettes or gnawing on some chew...

...except the children.

At the Ingles Super Market, I saw two different Folk's displaying extreme symptoms of tripping on the meth. I don't have to describe them - but before I forget, the two were both White. One male and one female. And they were not together. Shit, I think I let their appearances and twitches make me nervous and anxious.

I love the South-East of our United States of America, and God, please do Bless us all. There's a World in need of forgiveness's for all we have done to Earth Mother and them before us who knew how to live off the land and not destroy Mother Earth. I ask that Great Spirit Blesses all, and all of our Native Nations. Our First Nations...

...and them who came from a long time ago...

...and the children too.

Gardening and Meniere's, My Path

Relations,

The yard groomers interrupted my gardening. Which is probably a good thing because I was tasking and gardening without cease. With a focus, yes, yet scatter minded in a certain way. Pushing and pushing to accomplish what I would consider a good tasking and a proper good damned gardening. ..

...just kept doing what has been therapeutic for me this early Tuesday, sunny, cool, and very breezy, Tuesday, 06 March 12. This "tasking and gardening", is a good way for me to push the physical as well as the mental. While gardening for example, I pray. My hands and fingers touch Earth Mother, whether it be my Sacred Circle in the North West yard or the Palms and two bushes in the North East yard. I feel closer to the Great Spirit, when and while I garden. My mind and Spirit's are provided an opportunity to be closer to far and away.

I garden on my hands and knees. As this is a necessity for I have fallen and usually fell forward on too many occasions to be bending over. A way of Life I continue to focus positive energy on. My limitations to what it is I can and can not do, and please understand and let it be known these are not matters of the "wont's". Because my dearest Kindred, It is the way this is supposed to be. There is still a piece of me that wants me to continue with the physicality's. O', there simply must me a message on this path of mine. It is my responsibility for me to listen, read or see this message...

...when I find it, I will scream out and aloud the Meaning of My Life!

In a recent post I communicated about I am who I am and I am not Meniere's.  Too many Kinfolk continue to play, mock and or make fun of this Meneire's and what it continues to do to my body, what it has done to me, my family and our dreams. If not for our dreams and plans, and reasons to push and push and yes, PUSH, "Pray Until Something Happens!", My Path, would have been stifled and altered long ago. Today has been a day with which to push and endure the what-ever-may-comes's. So I push and have pushed as hard as I can. Like the Top Secret message I have picked up from the KGB just minutes ago. Much chatter comes via Morris Code. The beepety-beep-beeeeeps and tick-ticks in my Deaf Left Ear. Will somebody please address this scenario?! I mean, really?

The exile would have been and was in fact almost too much for me to bare. I am only a human and my Spirit's...

...and alters.

The Meniere's dictates what I do or don't do. Today, nausea has been in the mid-range all day. The dizziness is enough to have to walk with purpose and makes my getting up very awkward. Mandatory step-by-step on the physical exertion.. Have let sweat both healthily and by way of the Meniere's...

...damned if I do and damned if I don't sort. I really, would rather work for my sweat. Know what I mean? It's disgusting to be in a cool place or in a cold place and be sweating because of the disease Meniere's. No, it doesn't make alot of sense. None, as far as I can tell. And you see, this is just one aspect of how deeply Meniere's has moved in to live with my family and I. Shit! There just has to be a hint in here someplace where I can hear and understand what is being said and or done. As in hearing the new door bell system to alert me when some one is at the front door of our lodge. If somebody knocks, they're pretty much shit out of luck. From afar, a door knock is silent. Oh well.

Oneness with Earth Mother is letting Mother Earth be a part of your day to day life style.

This is life as I am. I am as I live. So I fucking PUSH!

Love, peace and more peace,
me

"DERECK'S RULES TO LIVE BY" An Awesome Friend! My BFF, D.

Kindred and All Relations,

I wish to introduce you to a very dear friend of mine, my Brotha D. I share something now I have not shared with Derek. He has been in my thoughts for weeks over the most recent past. I pray and contemplate good and positive medicine to and for both Derek and is dear wife, my friend Erika. Ohh dude, if only you two knew! Ha! Life move along and we still keep one anotha in the mind of the next! Sounds to me as if you all may be Kinfolk to me.

Thank you Derek, for reaching out and Honoring me with your kind and brotherly encouraging powerful words and Rules. Which seem as if you and I were picked out of how-ever-ever-many Folks you and I know, who know each other, and them us...

...as it has been meant to be. D., I have been the fortunate one in Our Path's Crossing. You have taught me so much - from the very beginning. Here we are today, years later.

I love you and you already knew that. I love your beautiful wife, my friend, and you already knew this...

...I have had ceremony for you and Mama Erika today. What a wonderful day it was to have ceremony on my East yard! Much love and good energy on the SSDI. Feel all better brother.

Much love, peace and more peace,

me and all of I

...as it was written...

How's my favorite Mario/mustafa/Monty/Water Buffalo ??

Mario, I have been thinking a lot about you lately, and also writing down of memoir type articles and notes on life for myself and my close friends including my "Derek's Rules To Live By" pasted below. Sorry we never got to meet up the other week, but I am doing well, walking with a cane now and getting used to doing things without bending the leg. I collect my thoughts like you do on your blog and these rules started to come together for me over the last few years with all my health issues. You know that you and I are two of the few people that are blessed enough to see the positives through hardship. Erika and I are doing our best as I am waiting for SSDI now in the final stages of decision, but we have made due and been thankful for what we have, such as each other. I know you and Brenda can relate. Please enjoy reading my "Rules to Live By" that I have put together over my ordeal.

Please remember you and yours are always in our prayers and you can call if you ever need anything. Hit me back!

Brotha D

DEREK'S RULES TO LIVE BY:

1) Use clichés sparingly.

They can be clever, but some should be only broken out for humor or emphasis. People like new, creative, and original banter and writing! Although copying is a compliment, copies of copies are never as sharp as the originals.

2) Be aware of others in your surroundings.

The people that are around us in day to day life need not control what we do, it is essential that we take their presence into consideration. Is someone around you handicapped? Is someone around you, friend or not, in need of help or kindness? Take into account that everyone else in your surroundings should also be aware of you. How would you like to be considered in this instance? The golden rule, the idea of status quo, and quid pro quo are excellent guidelines here, but remember rule #1!

3) Walk like you drive: follow similar rules.

In large crowds, just for sake of ease and maximum efficiency, try to walk on the same side as the flow of foot traffic. Europe is an amazing continent but we do not need to sporadically recreate the “driving on the other side of the street” phenomenon.

4) Always try to help a friend in need.

They are your friend for a reason. If you are not willing to do whatever you can when they are in need, do not refer to them as friends. In this case consider if the other person would help you. This should not be the motivation to help, but may be a good yardstick by which to measure. Maybe some of your “acquaintances” are truly friends and vice versa.

5) Believe in yourself, no matter what.

You will be amazed at what is possible when you know you can achieve something, not just wonder if you can achieve it. Sometimes you may be the only one that believes in you, in which case this is more important than ever.

6) Do what you love…and love what you do.

This is often a cliché (refer to rule #1) referring to one’s vocation, but it should be applied to more aspects of one’s life. Your hobbies and leisure activities both individually and in a group setting should be things you love.

7) Laugh often.

Although this is the shortest rule in the list it may be one of the most important. Laughter has proven positive effects on the body and mind. However if it is not real, do not laugh just because. Seek out people and things that make you laugh for real. A second part to this rule is a continuation, make others laugh often too.

8) Always try to see the glass half full…and consider free refills.

It will not do you one bit of good to see the negative in a situation. If a negative outlook is possible in a situation, use it as a learning experience or opportunity. Remember when the glass is half full; you are that much closer to a free refill!

9) Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless.

In a seemingly hopeless situation, remember to take deep breaths and apply rule #8. Remaining calm will assist you in turning these apparent hopeless situations into avenues of growth and opportunity if you can keep your head on straight.

10) Be weird whenever you have the chance!

Consider the thought that if you are not weird you are dull. Do not fear or even consider what others may think. The people that are important to you will see your weird actions as inspiration to apply rules #7 and #8.

11) Love your friends, no matter who they are!

We often leave the word love out of our vocabularies when it comes to friends, but it is important to love them for who and what they are. Your best friends and family do the same for you with a “no matter what” attitude. This is also a further reflection on rule #4.

12) Take an occasional risk.

The occasional (safe) risk can be highly motivating and rewarding. You will not be successful with positive results in every risk endeavored, but if you never take any you will never see the highly inspirational rewards to these situations.

13) Try to have a little fun each day...it's important!

This is a further development to rule #7. (Remember how important #7 is.) Each day can have its fun, and some days it will seem to be difficult to have a little fun, but this is when the importance to do so can be even more rewarding.

14) Remember to tell those you love “I love you”.

Those close to you may have every confidence that you love them but hearing “I love you” may be that one little thing that lets them have a smile that day or fill them with a great feeling just from hearing that reassurance.

15) Express yourself creatively

This may take one of any number of forms, whether it is writing, drawing, cooking, reading, daydreaming, etc. How you do it is not important, but that you accomplish is a little each day is important. Think about the creative expression part of your brain as its own little muscle, and then try to be a body builder.

16) Share with your friends.

Whether it is sharing talents, activities, possessions, or thoughts is not what is important here. The simple act of sharing something with a friend or loved one will come around to help you substantially. Considering what you will get in return for sharing with a friend should never cross your mind. Remember rule #4.

17) There is always someone who loves you more than you know.

In addition to previously stated rules regarding friends, this one adds the element of surprise. There maybe someone waiting to prove they are more than just acquaintances. These surprises can be some of the best and may lead to a friendship that is exceptional.

18) Seize the Moment!

The Carpe Diem phrase of seize the day is also good, but seizing the moment can be even more important. In addition to talking the occasional safe risk, be willing to act for something you believe in at a moment’s notice. A situation where you decide to seize the moment may never happen again, and you will be glad you did.

19) Indulge in the things you truly love… in moderation.

Although some things we love may have negative effects in excess, we do not need to shy away from these things altogether, provided they are safe. Whether it is food, activities, experiences, or the like, denying ourselves these things completely can break rules #6, #7, #8, #13, and # 18.

Meniere's And I - At This Moment

At this very moment, I want to sleep. I want to lie in bed and not think. I want to not be blue and rest my mind and both halves's of mine brain. I do not believe these symptoms I had since I awoke -  have anything to do with my last Meniere's attack. Even though I wonder about this. Meniere's does as Meiner's wishes.

My heart is sad and heavy today, which  probably doesn't help the Meniere's situation and symptoms as they are today....

My dearest sister Theresa, is moving away. This is a tough scene on My Path. She has been an advocate for me and ensured we would get together every once in a while. Have some cafe con leche and Cuban bread toasted with a bit of butter and Swiss cheese. She is one of my dear shopping Buddy's, you know? She brings me surprises just to make me happy and would listen to me while I cried on the other end of the telephone. By the way, Theresa was the fourth born in my family of seven siblings. Um, she would beat me at marbles at a very young age. We have so damned much in common! I am proud of her, I love her to Deaf, and yes, I am and feel happy she has found a different piece of Mother Earth on which to dwell. This Is just a Sista Thang. Not too many understand this. Damn it Face, I am going to miss you something awful!

My nausea has been a mid-high. An overage in the nausea department that has provided an opportunity to taste my medications twice today. I have the taste of water in my mouth right now. Have not broke fast yet. Am not really hungry right now. I have drank six plus pints of water since awakening. This assists me in the idea that burping aids in the sensation's of nausea. Yes.

The Worms have been very active today and felt the wiggles just moments ago. With this bunch of worms being just West side of my ear and between my skull and flesh. Squiggly, squirming bastards! I mean, I am taking the neurological medication exactly as prescribed by She-Who-No-Longer-Intimidates-Me. Yes, there are many times when I do not feel the sensations for hours or a spell at a time. Yes, yes I know. I thank the Great One, for keeping these worms from wiggling twenty four hours a day. I would be inclined to slice the back of my head to see what really is going on back there. Well, it is true. It appears none of my doctors seem to be that interested in them. Other than pop-a-pill.

The whole hearing piece has gone or is simply going awarer. Too poor, this loss of hearing. Problematic no longer fits this category. Communicating in general, whether it be via telephone or in same room. There is "no" more hollering across the house. Shit, that has been for a chunk of time right there. Listening to what my ear wants me to hear. On occasion have the moments of silence. Still. Hearing has just gone that way, which leaves me no place but to go with it.

It is true that One does not know how fortunate One is to hear and listen to music or watch News Reports and not need an interpreter to assist One with understanding what is sometimes said. Or misunderstood. Until One has the misfortune of losing One's Hearing.

The sounds have been torture. Sounds that can get so loud that my very attention is distracted and or attracted to what it is my ears age giving me to listen to. Voices, clear as day have returned. No, I'm not afraid of these anymore. Wait, I have been startled by them yes. Clever shits will catch me totally off guard that provokes a startle and the reactions to such startles. Ha! I mean really. What the fuck can I say? It is as if hyper-vigilance is omni-present. Simple sounds.

My balance and coordination is an "8".
Have been perspiring and sweating on and off today. Well, really since last evening. Don't feel properly hygiene right now. I feel dirty. Unkempt.

Close to being unhinged - at this moment.

Then, On To Cherokee...

We arrived in Cherokee, North Carolina, early afternoon on 19 February 2012. We went straight away to our cabin and unpacked our automobile, my Brides Dodge Caliber. Then we made a dash to the super market, Food Lion and a store known as Family Dollar. We purchased essentials at both places and returned to the log cabin named "Nature's Landing". It amazes me how I really thought that loading up on certain foods before we left would be much more of an assistance than it turned out. I mean really, I thought we would need this or that but ended up buying so much more than I imagined. Paper goods, bread, butter and milk to name just a few. Oh yes, eggs and water too. And cold cuts and mayonnaise and mustard too. Anyways, we made sure we were well equipped. Even bought some extra fire wood for the just in case.

Cherokee is a dry Reservation, you see. Unless One is in the casino.(?) No beer or liquor. As in absolutely none. So we picked up the Red Stripe before we got there. (Tall Boys too! Never have seen them in the Pint sized cans before!) Anyways, unlike every previous pilgrimage when we would take a road up and into Bryson City, North Carolina. Ten or so miles up and away. Friends, I tell you what, Bryson City let's Folks know that you better get your beer or liquor before heading back too! Little damned town has liquor stores every half block or so. Seemed like to me. Cigarette Houses too! No, I don't smoke, but damn it if these Folks don't! It was like everybody smoked! Grandma, Ma and Pa, and adolescents too! Every body freakin' smoked. Hell, alot of places still have smoking in their establishments. No Poop!?

These parts of the Appalachians have a very peculiar and uncertain weather cycle. It may be cool and groovy one moment, when out of the very near sky's come rain, high wind and change Twenty-something degree weather to sixty degree Fahrenheit out of doors over night. This February happened to be the weirdest I have ever experienced in Cherokee. Usually cold to very damned cold! This visit not so much...

...there was one evening, I think it was Thursday, 23 February 2012, we slept with the windows wide open. It was cool in a gentle way, with a nice calm breeze. AND HELL NO! Not the front door left ajar and it being the only means of egress too! There's Bear up in these Cherokee Mountain Tops and I carry no weapon to defend. As in real and free American Black Bear. Bet I prayed for no visit from Bear. Besides, there also happened to be a wild pack of various hounds that I wanted to keep a distance from. So, the front door got locked up every-damned-night. Ha! No though, I am serious with a smile on my face. 

On Friday, 24 February, it was beautiful warm and sunny. Then later that night the intense rain and winds came. So loudly I was able to hear and listen with my right good bad ear. It had rained off and on for most of our stay at Panther Creek. It didn't matter to us because we went on and did what we wished to do...

...no matter what the weather, we usually stay home and relax in Nature's Landing.  I pray and meditate here. I feel Earth Mother in my hands and under my feet. I touch and taste of the fresh waters that splash and make the music that creeks make coming down mountain. It really is a music much more than sound. If One listens, One might hear Earth Mother sing a song...

...this rich Red Earth, is the Earth Kinfolk from two generations ago and back walked and worked. From those two generations back into history, my Cherokee Kinfolk did more than walked and worked. These who came before me fought, lived and died here in this place named The Cherokee Reservation. My Kinfolk. There is and always has been a Spiritual Connection for me here in Cherokee. Knowing my Grandmother Flossie is the one who passed on The Blood.

It just does not matter to me how I am perceived here. "Anymore". I do not go about beating a drum or thumping my chest. It is very much the same way with the White in my blood. Or the Spanish or other Hispanic society. Same with them who were dark complected - my Peoples Of Colour. Unless this comes up in conversation, I don't talk. Same - same, with the politics. My Life, my families history's, my Health and my politics are my business. I may blog and I may openly share the all-of-me, but I do not force these upon Folks - as I ask the same of them. You see, I don't have to talk. I know who I am. I know the stories of my Father's peoples and I know the stories passed on to me from my Mother. I remember them and keep them with me. These are the same story's passed on to Mom from my Grand Mother Flossie...

...through out my life my families and I made travels here. As a wee child until this very day. For my family and I this became an annual pilgrimage back in 1996. Due to the Meniere's and other illness's I have been away from Cherokee since 2008. I am so forever thankful to my Bride for coordinating this pilgrimage. I am grateful and know that I am Blessed. She assisted me in breaking out of exile! Yes, thankful.

I was so desperately in need of connecting with Mother Earth. I was so desperately in need of getting out of the city and into a place where I can listen to Mother Earth sing. Where these mountains call my name, daily. Where I feel the beat of Our Planet, Mother Earth.

In the night here in Cherokee, I can see millions and billions of stars! The night sky so dark and black that it creates the perfect platform and scene for these brilliant stars and a Moon that looked so close and near by. This same Moon and stars that my Kinfolk would and still look up to, to pray. To meditate.

Though only one week or so has passed and I am home sick for my home away from home. My eye orbs have the visions still in place. Every once and again I catch a certain scent or sound. O' my Cherokee, O' my dearest Cherokee.

For now, I have said enough although I have not said enough.

For now...

...I have said enough.

Our Stay In Flowery Branch, Georgia

Our stay in Flowery Branch, Georgia, was simply too brief. Our reunion with Kindred is a strong and glad reunion. Yet, I felt and feel sadly today that so much of some things were touched. So very much was right there and I sensed that it was as if time was running against us. With a quickness too! Whether it be by word  or Not-The-Word. Via communications by Spirit connection. Body language and by seeing and reading the aura's. We are connected. I feel it in my heart and in my brains at this very moment.

 Awesome, is the best I can describe our visit.! No wait, stupendously Awesome! - is much more like the description I would share. I even fell too much in love with Cujo and Alfie, two of their four gorgeous lap dogs. So petite and so beautiful them all.

We were given a nice tour of the town by our quests. Had a fantastic ride about in an older, well kept Town Car. I mean, it was as if we were on a boat. Old School for sure! Saw the old Rail Road Depot. Looked at homes that are very affordable, some really exceptional homes too. We visited the lake where much fishing is done in season. It was painful to see that Florida is not the only state to suffer from this years long drought. The lake is smaller than usual and I observed dry wetlands through out Georgia. We ate that fantastic Mexican meal and had a wonderful time.

The history of this beautiful town is immersed richly in our Southern History. I could feel the energy's of Them-Who-Came-Before-Me. Seemed as if my DNA was having extraordinary reminding's of the Kinfolk who lived in and around the area. Both the Indian and the White Kinfolk...

...going back multi-generation's. On both the Indian and the White.

While touring here in Flowery Branch, I was able to see and with every Spirit and every cell with-in me, felt a connection to this very small cemetery we happened by. It was under bare Wintered tree's where my eye orbs see and saw where a Mr. White Master Man, who's name I do not really remember, laid to rest is Kinfolk and Kindred...

...and his Mr. White Master Man's slave's. This piece of this towns history was harsh to my one good ear and implant to listen to. And listened to absorb. The visit had turned into more than a Reunion, it became something of a lesson from which to learn something I had NEVER ever  KNOWN or thought of.  How Mr. Master White Man took care of his Kindred and how Kinfolks were buried with their monuments and or head stones...

...while Mr. Master White Man, was inclined not to do this with his Slaves. The Slave burials were either acknowledged by a single turned upright stone with not even a name or note. While other Slave burial sites were and remain unmarked. Meaning nothing. Blank and blankness for the Black Human Spirit's, our fellow Mother Earth Being's.

My Great Spirit has locked this into my Heart. I have not, nor will I be permitted to shake this off. I feel this in my heart for a reason. To learn more about the place I felt the "Wall". To learn more about this place of sorrow.

I hope my very best right good friend might offer me her aid. Please?

Georgia runs through my veins as it did my Kinfolk who lived here. Kinfolk by the generation's. Things happened here that created a bad name for my Kinfolks. Their home's and their land. There is an eagerness that motivates me to search and to seek more knowledge not only about this place of sorrow, but to learn more about Them-Who-Came-Before-Me.

I am knowing in my Soul, that this is how the Indian in my blood would have been buried by Mr. Master White Man. In battle, something in me knows that where an Indian was shot and killed - that was where He or She became a part of Mother Earth. If the Indian in my blood fought and died with out Kinfolk near by or was a distance from home, that was where He or She became one with the Mother Earth. I feel it in my teeth and know this on my face behind the flesh. Thus, I know this already, you see...

...this was the way's of Mr. White Master Man. This will take time to wrap about my brain's. I am still dealing with what I saw and listened to.

My God.

P.S. Up the road a piece there is a town named Wiley. I wonder...

..."?".

No more to say.

THIS JUST HAPPENED ON MY FRONT PORCH, Our U.S. Postal Service At Work!

My Post Person had stopped by earlier this afternoon to pick up a flat rate package that had been postage paid by my niece in South Carolina. I did not know he was at the front door until our hounds began to bark and then this Post Person rang the door bell. As I got to the door he was catching a squat on my chair. I let him know I was ill-prepared and he gave me a window of one hour to prep the package. Which I did immediately after he pulled off.

Just minutes ago, the hounds were going mad at the door, so I got up to check on the Lodge. This Post Person was ready to pull off because all was done as I had placed the package in our Post Box with the red flag up. When he saw me at the door, he parked and walked over to me to provide a receipt of pick up...

...I "RE-EXPLAINED" to my Post Person that I am Deaf and Hard of Hearing and to please use the door bell when he needs my attention. He asked me, "what?". I EXPLAINED AGAIN that I have two door bells in my home to attract my attention to the front door because I do not hear knocks on the door. He asked me "what?" again...

I mentioned his name and said "please, _ _ _ _, just use the door bell in the future" and he asked "what?"! Then he tried to laugh and make lite of this scenario...

...a scenario that turned into a hole he dug too fuckin' deep! I am so angry right now, I really don't know how to act or what to say.

So for now, I say no more!

Forks Over Knives - Official Trailer [HD]

A snap shot of where we are headed as a United States Of America. Sad but true.

No more to say.

Today's Meniere's - Then More Vacation Talk Later

This morning I got up early to be with Brenda a while before she went off to work. Am glad I did. I have been so spoiled by her being with me twenty-four hours a day that it hurts my Spirit's when she drives off to work now. My Little Boy and her young teen aged boy friend, gets so lonely, you see. Oh, my dearest One.

Today I am able to feel the sleep trying to creep up on me, but I fight it off. Try like hell to fight it off, because I know that if I were to even go lay down for a rest I would drift off into slumber. And, I just really don't want to sleep. I take the sleep and slumber as defeats. As if I am permitting this disease to put me down. Sometimes for days post Meniere's attack and then on days like now, the sleep is right here on my shoulder's ready for to put me down. Today I want the defeat...

...I have slept too many hours to remember and or count since I had that attack going through Gainsville, Florida. All hours combined would equal to days of sleep. Yesterday was a tough one, but I was able to get through it. Woke up late to go to bed early. Was the way I managed it.

I have been nauseated very uncomfortably today and at this moment feel a knot just below my Adam's apple. This nausea walks with me. On the left side of my body.

The perspiration has settled down some. Just a short time ago I was sweating so bad it was necessary to pull out a couple of my bandannas. Red to be color coordinated with my brown plaid Bermuda's and my dark brown t-shirt. I am listing at this very moment...

...I am dizzy at this moment and have been so most of my day thus far. I feel it in my brains and whirling about my head and skull. I am tip-tapping with a purpose so as not to chit-chat without reason...

...and I think it is the dizziness that makes my vision all fucked up. During and post attack. Too serious about this one. I have not done so, but I am aware of the need to see a new eye doctor. Time for a pair of new "dumps". (Glasses C: 1977) I am reminded daily of my Mom going blind a bit before she crossed over....

...here I am remembering how I would tease the shit out of her too! Now this shit ain't so funny, en'it? Ohhh, my dearest Mommy! I sure do know you would be teasing the poop out of me over the Deaf shit! Ha!

The Worm's are back. I guess they too were off on some sort of holidays. Bastards are back now damn it! I reckon three or four nights back-to-back. They're not toying with me right now. This sensation is very creepy and I really don't know if my doctor's will ever rid me of these pests.

My hearing has been poor since before 18 Feb. 2012. As poor today as yesterday. I hope and pray for clarity yet this seems fleeting. What am I to do? The BAHA, my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, has become uncomfortable to wear and or use. Pain and discomfort has returned to the site of my implant. Too much flesh and lumps have reformed in the area which creates some shrieking and awfully loud feed back. Has popped a loose as well. I miss my BAHA and even though uncomfortable I made myself wear it while up down South, and up in those beautiful mountains that welcome me home every day of life. I needed all the help I could get to hear and listen to Mother Earth, Kindred and to them who came before me...

...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, wants to have another talk and face-to-face. To make sure we are all on the same page. Which I think is odd because this is something He knows I make sure of. Since and through-out these past four or so years, this is one thing I have always "insured". ALL of us being on the same page. To include my dentist even. I am so on the same page that if I wouldn't be Baker Acted, I would start the operation for him. The site must look hideous with these hairy lumps and flesh extending about, downward and towards the implant. I am just OVER THIS LUMPY situation and want them removed. Yes, "we" are all on the same page.

It has been a good day thus far here in Tampa. A good day to die. Also a beautiful day to be alive and I am blessed for it.

(I just got a loud BEEEEEEEP in my right ear!)

Yes, there times I am defeated. Alot of times I get my ass whooped by this weird ass meniere's and alot of times I "simply must" throw in the towel. Today? No, not today.

I have no more to say.