I pray and send out prayer's to the millions of people affected and effected by the Japanese earth quake and the subsequent tsunami. I had never seen anything like this until it happened. I cried until there was no more to cry...my eye's went dry and felt so. The visions are embedded deep in my memory. Pieces of glass in my eye orb would have been better than what I was watching on the television...so much destruction, so many lost and too many dead. The devastation. I prayed then as I pray now. God Please! Hear my brothers and sisters from the land far away. Please God.
A note on the disease Meniere's. Since last Wednesday evening, the 9th day of March 2011, I have slept for a good chunk of life. To the best of my knowledge and experiance I did not have a vertigo attack on that day...
...it was on that afternoon my bride, my sister, Face-From-North-Carolina and her wife of many years went to see Tanya Tucker in concert at The Strawberry Festival. The entire process of walking about was laborious, stressful and made me feel as if I was intoxicated in a physical way - not intoxicated by the drink type of way. Too many missteps, too many obstacles, too many folks bumping into me and or I into them. Was always on guard! I was so afraid of falling. Did more sitting than walking...it was a bleeding show just watching the folks go by. So many happy people!
Oh yes, almost forgot to mention Tanya Tucker's concert! She was just so damn fantastic! The first time I saw Ms. Tucker was in 1972/1973. Dad and Mom had taken us over to George Jones and Tammy Wynette's house for shows on occasion and it just so happened that on this one particular visit, Miss. Tucker was one of the entertainers there that day. Since then, even though she does'nt know this, we have been the dearest of friends. Such a grand show it was last Wednesday. Another memorey...
Am thinking seriously about naming this year and 2012, My Farewell Tour, to concerts and musical events. Even but a few nine rows from stage I had difficulty hearing alot of what was being sung as Ms. Tucker sang. I was wearing my BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, which offered me nothing more than having an appliance of some sort sticking from my skull, thus, deaf on the left and my right ear was not worth a damn...I would have to cup my right ear to get a satisfactory sound. I love music...with what is happening I think maybe soon I do say farewell to concerts, orchestra, shows and the what-not's that require the hearing piece to be in place. Maybe soon. Shit!
Back on the Meniere's piece, my right good-bad-ear continues to plop. I mean, like we had an operation that was to have taken care of this and yet this goes on. There is also a medication I take for this. This my right-good-bad-ear also continues to have moments of total silence. For me there is a real life fear factor with this process. I love to listen to music. I love the voices of my wife and children...the voices of all my Relations. Far or near. Them here or those who have gone before me...your voices will always have a home in my brains ear hole. Always.
...at this moment, I am high nausea and speaking of nausea, have had productive nausea over past five days. There have been a few times when I have actually thrown-up in my mouth. Yes gross, but vomit happens.
...dizziness is a seven and as I type these words I have incentive to go take my medication...as it is so. I say at this moment, as if there are moments when there is no dizziness or nausea or sounds in my ears. These symptoms simply move along as they wish. There is no CONTROL of these symptoms - only compromise. They control my life and I. Much more often than not, sleeping win's. It's just that simple...
...sleeping keeps me safe. (Have slept roughly seventy hours since Wednesday evening) It keeps me safe from the dizziness and other sypmtoms. Unless there are break through symptoms. Sleep keeps the noises and voices away. Even though, I have been stirred from sleep by a noise or voice that was from within...not on the outside of my skull. Lately sounds in my ears have been the long and constant beeeeeep from the emergency alert system on T.V. to the foot tall crickets at play outside my bedroom window...
...have had quests not here speak to me here. I can hear them. Am starting to believe these are voices from the other side and it is my purpose to steer them in the correct direction. Perhaps. Sir Dude, say's audible hallucinations...He-Who-Touched-My-Brain calls this an anomaly...I say I can hear dead people and a spectrum of sounds and noises from both ears. I suspect why the anomaly.
Today is the 14th day of March 2011. My Life's Path has been an untraveled one for four and a half days. I hope and pray that soon I'll have the ability and strength to walk for long walks as I once did. I miss walking and I truly miss running. I have to believe prayer's are answered...I have to believe that the harder I push the envelope, the more productive I will be.
For all my Relations. I pray.
I pray and sometimes sing my prayers...as I walk my Path...
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