Dearest Guests,
Please pardon me for my lack of communications over the past week. Much has happened and much is going on, and I would love to share a bit or some life with my Kinfolk and Kindred Spirits. Please do understand that I am aware of my absence, as I am well aware of the decline in my communiques. This is unacceptable in my mind and I accept that perhaps in more ways than I can explain, a whole bunch of life has happened with me lately, and other than that, all I can do is say, Sir., I am above ground, not my house, but me in this physical state of skin, innards, bones, and yes, all of my Spirit's too.
At this instant I acknowledge the gifts from the Great Spirit, which is something I pray and contemplate every day of my life. I am most blessed to have some of the most awesome kinfolk and kindred one's in the world. Yes, I am blessed here on Earth Mother. To think I have more time remaining here excites me. I am a fifty three years old dude who's a bit of a gimp and I am attempting to get a grip to let go.
I report straight away that my Neurologist has reviewed the latest tests pertaining to the lesion at the tip of my spinal cord. She has shared with my wife, eldest and I, that at this time she is confidant that this tumor is benign, BUT, has ordered a small list of tests, and would like to have studies done on my brain and entire back to rule out stuff. I'm glad my right good professor is as confidant as she is because this mystery is working my last nerve. No doubt, I have had upwards of a bakers dozen worth of MRI's, plus I don't know how many CT scans and such studies in five or so years. I mean really, I have noticed that my eye orbs sometime glow in the dark. Oh yes, I am to have a spinal tap too. Sounds as if I am preparing to give birth, en`it? A damned spinal tap. Huh?
My right good doctor has also ordered a change of medicine too. At this time we were afforded the opportunity to purchase but one of my medications. I had to go with the most economical of the bunch, a new and improved pill. I have started the regimen as of yesterday. There are medications in the ques at the drug store and now there are new medications required. Without insurance or the money to purchase them, I am up the proverbial creek headed towards a water fall real fast like too. So too fast. Soon I will run out of my required daily prescription's, I reckon this scene right here creates anxiety and complicates matters all the more.
Last night as I laid in my safe place, I suffered some major and dreadful pains in my cervical spine, my neck, and shoulders. There were periods when the pain was so bad I considered waking the spouse and heading over to the emergency department at Florida Hospital. I did what I had to do, I manned up. With out the insurance, there is no emergency department visit. Unless I can not breath, then maybe. Seen? And now that I think of this, I suppose there will be no appointments with my physician's for a period of three months. Which is absolutely horrifying. I don't know what to say but for shits sake.
There has been too much sleep still. Even with my Eldest child in from a land far away, I have succumbed to the slumber. I can't help it anymore. Neither can I fight this scene any more. Fighting all of what is going on within my skin is futile. There is nothing to win but utter frustration. So, I say, I am happy to be awake to make this connection with you. When I am unable to connect with others, I feel cut off from reality. From my Kinfolk and Kindred One's.
It's that simple too.
At this instant, nausea is a plus 7, but not productive. Yesterday yes, but not yet today. I am sweating as if sitting out side. I am dizzy that has created too many stumbles, missteps, bumps-into-walls and an over all unsatisfactory coordination. The sounds are simply fucking absurdly loud and have ranged from the sounds of a hovering craft above the lodge, to the mad beeps and jungles, to my very first "bah" of a lamb. Scared me for a flash.
The pains in my neck and shoulder continue and are at a straight six at this moment. I have had facial spasms and inner ear spasms today. God.
Folks, my dearest doctors are playing ping pong with me. Or, maybe like go ask Dad. True.
Tonight I will have both of my sweet daughters home with me and the Ole Girl! Later on this evening I expect the arrival of my nephew, his wife, my niece and the young one's. I can't wait!
I have said enough.
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