Relations,
At this very instant, I hear and am listening to voices of children at play and at ease.
Voices and laughter that sounds so too familiar and I reckon these are the voices of my siblings and I as children ourselves. Dave, I hear you too Bud!
I've let these sounds and noises of words and or of some one speaking with the voice of a wee young girl floating in and out of ear shot, come along. She is not One to fear, she is the same guest in Spirit Way, who visits and when she visits, she is always with same Victorian attire and so very well dressed.
Now, I have the ability to listen and hear her voice. Which is the same voice since I lost hearing in my left ear.
She, is here in Spirit way, she is the one wee one, who has followed, removed, and traveled with my bride Bren, my family and I, damned near all of our lives.
Good Golly Miss Molly!
I now have a voice to associate with this young Angel.
Thank you God.
p.s. Yes, hearing voices of others is a Meniere's Disease, Sound Symptom. I know it's true.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Wiggle Of An Eye, Southern Fried Chicken And Tater Wedges, A Meniere's Disease Symptom
Kindred One's,
Prior to signing on earlier today, I had been in an inactive state of life and a non productive form of living. All the while, with a very active dream filled sleep world. Time in hours adding up to just about two point five days of hours here. All with what really seemed to be a spin of a top, and then, with a snap of time - a span of life that was close to thirty two hours of sleep, is gone. And I'm looking back an what feels like minutes ago, gone by ...
... slumber, and complete surrender to the gloom of deep sleep is a non-negotiable. My life and life's deprivation. Due to the Sleep. This sleep that was broken earlier this afternoon and since have been in battle and battles after battle putting up a damned good fight against the slumber. To stay and be awake, to remain awake, is a victory. Today brought the need for remaining awake, urgent. A period to drink fresh water and much time to pass the fresh filtered water from within me. A minor fast has been broken.
Tonight, I am awake with the sole purpose of being here to connect a minute or two with you. All. I was struck by this latest Meniere's attack on the afternoon my friend girl Dione, stopped by. Then, later that evening, the wiggle of the eye happened while speaking with my wife Botswana. The evening Dione, my friend girl stopped by for a visit with some Southern Fried Chicken, tater wedges and a roll. A Meniere's Disease symptoms.
Kindred, I felt and observed my right eye wiggle back and forth, side to side like, not up and or down. I have had this type of symptom strike in the past, but these are uncommon and the symptoms seem further spread apart with a wider variety of symptoms to boot.
When I catch my right eye orb going on to a wiggle and such, I know where I am headed. So does my wife. My Honorable Daughter Number Two and her, My hound Ting-Ting too.
I spoke of the sounds and noises earlier today, remember?
Well now, I talked about sleep, Southern Fried Chicken, tater wedges, and a roll.
Prior to signing on earlier today, I had been in an inactive state of life and a non productive form of living. All the while, with a very active dream filled sleep world. Time in hours adding up to just about two point five days of hours here. All with what really seemed to be a spin of a top, and then, with a snap of time - a span of life that was close to thirty two hours of sleep, is gone. And I'm looking back an what feels like minutes ago, gone by ...
... slumber, and complete surrender to the gloom of deep sleep is a non-negotiable. My life and life's deprivation. Due to the Sleep. This sleep that was broken earlier this afternoon and since have been in battle and battles after battle putting up a damned good fight against the slumber. To stay and be awake, to remain awake, is a victory. Today brought the need for remaining awake, urgent. A period to drink fresh water and much time to pass the fresh filtered water from within me. A minor fast has been broken.
Tonight, I am awake with the sole purpose of being here to connect a minute or two with you. All. I was struck by this latest Meniere's attack on the afternoon my friend girl Dione, stopped by. Then, later that evening, the wiggle of the eye happened while speaking with my wife Botswana. The evening Dione, my friend girl stopped by for a visit with some Southern Fried Chicken, tater wedges and a roll. A Meniere's Disease symptoms.
Kindred, I felt and observed my right eye wiggle back and forth, side to side like, not up and or down. I have had this type of symptom strike in the past, but these are uncommon and the symptoms seem further spread apart with a wider variety of symptoms to boot.
When I catch my right eye orb going on to a wiggle and such, I know where I am headed. So does my wife. My Honorable Daughter Number Two and her, My hound Ting-Ting too.
I spoke of the sounds and noises earlier today, remember?
Well now, I talked about sleep, Southern Fried Chicken, tater wedges, and a roll.
I Talk About A Secret
Kin Folk and Kindred One's,
I wish to share a secret with respect to my being SSD, Single Side Deaf - OOS and HH. Out Of Sound - Deaf, on my left side and Hard of Hearing on the right side.
The hearing from the right has become affected more so by the Meniere's Disease, it becomes more difficult to hear as the days go by. Though gladly, I share with-in the next two weeks, I shall be wearing a hearing aid on this side of my skull, while I wear my Baha, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid on the left, where it is that I am without sound or balance and have an implant.
My guests who return here to a safe place and read my utterances are aware of the horrific constant sounds and noise that I have within both of my ears. I mean, every day, every moment, with every exhale and every inhale there are sounds and noises in my near dead ears.
The noises I am experiencing at this instant are a steady beep-beep-beeeeeep-beep-beep, and beep and beeping on, in my left deaf ear hole that also has this aura of being out in the forest; maybe the National Everglades, in the latter part of the afternoon - when it is time for bugs, and larger bugs and birds of all kinds come out for dinner and the sounds of frog and gator in season, and for shits sake, that's what I have in my left ear hole alone right damned now! The right ear hole to the brain has listened to a squadron of WW II fighter jets stuck in suspended animation shits straight over my lodge! Um, no, this has been off and on all day today and I have only been up since noon. (That's another share) There have been cryptic messages sent. Sounds and noises.
Any way's, the secret is that I may never be able to cut myself off from what takes place "inside" the walls of my skull, but friends, I have learned that I am so able to turn "off" the sounds and noises coming at me from "outside" and into of my scalp's ear holes. Right. Oui?
Whenever. Whatever. I simply plug the right ear up and I don't hear shit from the out of my ear. Complete silence from the outside - in. For peace of mind and sometimes inspite of - I say fuck off listening to voices that complain and leach off of energies that are hard fought to maintain and sustain.
What ever may come, a voice, sound, noise or conversation that is negative. Oops...
...plug it in, plug it in.
Naw Boo, don't judge.
I wish to share a secret with respect to my being SSD, Single Side Deaf - OOS and HH. Out Of Sound - Deaf, on my left side and Hard of Hearing on the right side.
The hearing from the right has become affected more so by the Meniere's Disease, it becomes more difficult to hear as the days go by. Though gladly, I share with-in the next two weeks, I shall be wearing a hearing aid on this side of my skull, while I wear my Baha, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid on the left, where it is that I am without sound or balance and have an implant.
My guests who return here to a safe place and read my utterances are aware of the horrific constant sounds and noise that I have within both of my ears. I mean, every day, every moment, with every exhale and every inhale there are sounds and noises in my near dead ears.
The noises I am experiencing at this instant are a steady beep-beep-beeeeeep-beep-beep, and beep and beeping on, in my left deaf ear hole that also has this aura of being out in the forest; maybe the National Everglades, in the latter part of the afternoon - when it is time for bugs, and larger bugs and birds of all kinds come out for dinner and the sounds of frog and gator in season, and for shits sake, that's what I have in my left ear hole alone right damned now! The right ear hole to the brain has listened to a squadron of WW II fighter jets stuck in suspended animation shits straight over my lodge! Um, no, this has been off and on all day today and I have only been up since noon. (That's another share) There have been cryptic messages sent. Sounds and noises.
Any way's, the secret is that I may never be able to cut myself off from what takes place "inside" the walls of my skull, but friends, I have learned that I am so able to turn "off" the sounds and noises coming at me from "outside" and into of my scalp's ear holes. Right. Oui?
Whenever. Whatever. I simply plug the right ear up and I don't hear shit from the out of my ear. Complete silence from the outside - in. For peace of mind and sometimes inspite of - I say fuck off listening to voices that complain and leach off of energies that are hard fought to maintain and sustain.
What ever may come, a voice, sound, noise or conversation that is negative. Oops...
...plug it in, plug it in.
Naw Boo, don't judge.
Mama Mia
Mama Mia,
Ma, I have had you so much in my mind, heart, and Dream World lately. Ya-Hey! So much!
How are things up there in heaven? How's dad, Abuela Mary and your Ma, Grandmother Flossie. Mom, how is it that these white people that bleed same blood as you and me tell me that I have misspelled Abuela, as in my Abuela Mary? How's Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen?
Are you a singing Angel Mom?
O, my dear sweet Ma, there are so many times when I so need a Mamaw hug. Yep. I misspelled Mamaw. Ha! Fuck'em. That too, let me stop...
...mama mia, I think of the fun we would have had, and I share too when we have had fun in the now. I am knowing when you are with us Mom, for shits sake, you've been my only ma my whole life and I know you would have been throwing gang signals my way all day.
That's right. With all of your oddities and peculiarity's - you let me and let us children become and deal with our own peculiarity's and oddities and phobia's and shit. You were there for us my Mother Dearest. Mom, I miss your laughs. I miss your eyes, and I miss that smile. Your talks.
Your love is here in my heart today, Mama. Same as it always has been. Just as alive. Forgiven.
Mom, isn't that something great about little Maria having such a beautiful tiny baby girl. She may have your name with hers mamaw, I reckon. Ma, are you a Cooking Angel too?
Mama Mia, be well and don't get too mischievous up there. Stop by for a spell, okay ma?
Ma, I have had you so much in my mind, heart, and Dream World lately. Ya-Hey! So much!
How are things up there in heaven? How's dad, Abuela Mary and your Ma, Grandmother Flossie. Mom, how is it that these white people that bleed same blood as you and me tell me that I have misspelled Abuela, as in my Abuela Mary? How's Uncle Chester and Aunt Helen?
Are you a singing Angel Mom?
O, my dear sweet Ma, there are so many times when I so need a Mamaw hug. Yep. I misspelled Mamaw. Ha! Fuck'em. That too, let me stop...
...mama mia, I think of the fun we would have had, and I share too when we have had fun in the now. I am knowing when you are with us Mom, for shits sake, you've been my only ma my whole life and I know you would have been throwing gang signals my way all day.
That's right. With all of your oddities and peculiarity's - you let me and let us children become and deal with our own peculiarity's and oddities and phobia's and shit. You were there for us my Mother Dearest. Mom, I miss your laughs. I miss your eyes, and I miss that smile. Your talks.
Your love is here in my heart today, Mama. Same as it always has been. Just as alive. Forgiven.
Mom, isn't that something great about little Maria having such a beautiful tiny baby girl. She may have your name with hers mamaw, I reckon. Ma, are you a Cooking Angel too?
Mama Mia, be well and don't get too mischievous up there. Stop by for a spell, okay ma?
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
A Plaid Shirt
As one who makes effort to communicate openly.
As a person who wishes to do on to other's, this goes
out to my baby's mama's and my baby daddy too.
That's right, I shout this out to you. Yeah, it's true.
I just want to kick it up with my crew and let my
awesome teams of health care professionals do what
Folks are to do in the North West.
I wonder what it would be like to add musical notes,
to the words that I say, the stories I share. would I be
Jazz, rock, pop or hip hop. Drip, drop it like that.
Hey, IMMA Hoooo - hey, IMMA Hooooo.
Hey, Momma, I'm still a Ho. Hey, hooo.
I shop at Sears and JC Penny. Where it is I wear
my Levi 501 button fly jeans, with a plaid shirt
and my white t-shirt, them with the collar.
Atlanta, GA, Miami, Florida and Tampa, too!
Here we go, here we go, here we go nah! Huh?
Shouting out to Ft. Lauderdale - Valdosta!
Let's go, let it go, let it go now!
Mr. Governor, why am I so afraid to say that I
see prejudice in you and your cabinet?
Hey, IMMA Hoooo - hey, IMMA Hooooo.
Hey, Momma, I'm still a Ho. Hey, hooo.
As a person who wishes to do on to other's, this goes
out to my baby's mama's and my baby daddy too.
That's right, I shout this out to you. Yeah, it's true.
I just want to kick it up with my crew and let my
awesome teams of health care professionals do what
Folks are to do in the North West.
I wonder what it would be like to add musical notes,
to the words that I say, the stories I share. would I be
Jazz, rock, pop or hip hop. Drip, drop it like that.
Hey, IMMA Hoooo - hey, IMMA Hooooo.
Hey, Momma, I'm still a Ho. Hey, hooo.
I shop at Sears and JC Penny. Where it is I wear
my Levi 501 button fly jeans, with a plaid shirt
and my white t-shirt, them with the collar.
Atlanta, GA, Miami, Florida and Tampa, too!
Here we go, here we go, here we go nah! Huh?
Shouting out to Ft. Lauderdale - Valdosta!
Let's go, let it go, let it go now!
Mr. Governor, why am I so afraid to say that I
see prejudice in you and your cabinet?
Hey, IMMA Hoooo - hey, IMMA Hooooo.
Hey, Momma, I'm still a Ho. Hey, hooo.
A Gimpy Left Eye
Hello, Dear Guests,
I have made several futile attempts at adjusting to the latest medication introduced into my life, them I eat twice daily. Along with the dozens of other pills, tablets, and capsules. And there are the injections that come about every few weeks or so too. Oh yes, while mentioning of the inject able medicines, the last round of Botox comes sometime mid August. I forget the date off the top of my head, but I am certain that it is right around there in the middle of month sometime. This is the season of the anniversary of the birth of my second daughter. These are the days of the celebrating of births and the acknowledgments of our Kin Folk who have passed over before us. Soon, the Crow comes home.
While with my professor last visit, she admitted that the quantity of Botox was insufficient, thus the dreadfully droopy left eye. It has been getting so bad, I had considered the purchase of an eye patch. Friends, my left eye was looking damned near closed for too long. Doctor says, "Oh, we must increase dosage". Well, that's fine and all, but this is my last series of Botox injections. I want to say, Hmmmm, and I pray that what she has decided to speak about and the acknowledgment that a greater dose would have perhaps brought about a better product and patient satisfaction, will bring this round to a positive end. I so hope. Since the Meniere's Disease related operations, this left eye of mine began the process of gimping out on me. Then when the Botox was introduced, maybe too much relaxation of my left face and eye orb area. Yes? No?
I don't reckon any adjusting to this medicine will do me any good. All I can do, is do as my professor says do, following her directions every day. I already see how this harsh medication affects my structure. For me and my better state of health, it is necessary that I do as I am asked and move along. I am blessed and awe inspired by the teams involved with my health care team.
My Dream Team, 2013.
I have made several futile attempts at adjusting to the latest medication introduced into my life, them I eat twice daily. Along with the dozens of other pills, tablets, and capsules. And there are the injections that come about every few weeks or so too. Oh yes, while mentioning of the inject able medicines, the last round of Botox comes sometime mid August. I forget the date off the top of my head, but I am certain that it is right around there in the middle of month sometime. This is the season of the anniversary of the birth of my second daughter. These are the days of the celebrating of births and the acknowledgments of our Kin Folk who have passed over before us. Soon, the Crow comes home.
While with my professor last visit, she admitted that the quantity of Botox was insufficient, thus the dreadfully droopy left eye. It has been getting so bad, I had considered the purchase of an eye patch. Friends, my left eye was looking damned near closed for too long. Doctor says, "Oh, we must increase dosage". Well, that's fine and all, but this is my last series of Botox injections. I want to say, Hmmmm, and I pray that what she has decided to speak about and the acknowledgment that a greater dose would have perhaps brought about a better product and patient satisfaction, will bring this round to a positive end. I so hope. Since the Meniere's Disease related operations, this left eye of mine began the process of gimping out on me. Then when the Botox was introduced, maybe too much relaxation of my left face and eye orb area. Yes? No?
I don't reckon any adjusting to this medicine will do me any good. All I can do, is do as my professor says do, following her directions every day. I already see how this harsh medication affects my structure. For me and my better state of health, it is necessary that I do as I am asked and move along. I am blessed and awe inspired by the teams involved with my health care team.
My Dream Team, 2013.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Honorable Daughter Number One, An Exceptionally Pain Filled Day
Relations,
Greetings and welcome to our paths crossing. Again.
My eldest daughter is home for a Summer break and holidays, and it is awesome having her here. To have both of my darling daughters with me and within a hugs length is warm and loving. Maybe, a bit of a fathers pride is in the aire too.
Yes.
I am a simple man today. But, why sure, back many years ago, I had my travels, the adventures with my bride, places and the scenes we/I were involved with, before, and since. It explodes parts of my psyche and it blows my mind too see how Honorable Daughter #1, was so able to slide right back into the way we roll 'round these parts. With such ease, I say.
I do mean to express that my pretty, pretty princess has had one whole day of rest and relaxation since arriving home from abroad, that being today - with her dear ole goat, her dad. I covered the telephones as well as I might so that she could sleep in, and sleep she did. Good goodness, these young world travelers of this modern day, are something else. I don't know how they do it. The they are both of my daughters, in this case.
My daddy heart reports to me, The Dad Of The Year, 2013, that this is the way my world will be for a spell. I might as well sit back and enjoy life with my family as we roll like this for a while. Dear Heavenly Father, bless my world travelers and keep them forever safe. I pray, in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus, please keep an eye on my babe's. Please, I pray for both of my other daughter's too, Honorable Daughter's Number Three, and Four. Amen.
My daughters bring me joy and being near them has been beneficial in many good right aspects for me. I have not been well with the health piece, but their youthful energy is contagious and their love is strong and unconditional. My baby's. They bring good medicine from the Spirit for their pa. I am honored.
Honorable Daughter Number One, I am sorry you were here to see the Meniere's and awful pains of the spine work your pa damned near to the emergency department today. I was there approaching dialing the 911 real quick. I do want to thank you though daughter, you were here with me and you assisted me with staying within the moment. For shits sake! There are times and days like today when the entire day is a long drawn out torture chamber of fucking pains - today on my left face, near catastrophic pains in my neck, my left upper arm, and both shoulders. So outrageous, not even the swallowed pills helped me but for a brief period of time. WTF, am I to do?
By God, these damned pains are such that I question my selves's, and what is it bout my personalities, and or my sanity that brings me to this point in life. No, wait, oh yes. It does. Please, I am a simple fellow. A daddy, a husband who loves his wife, who just so happens to be my high school sweet heart. I have loved her, my bride literally all of my life. My sweet wife.
Today, even with pains, medications, and tears, was a sweet day to be alive.
Greetings and welcome to our paths crossing. Again.
My eldest daughter is home for a Summer break and holidays, and it is awesome having her here. To have both of my darling daughters with me and within a hugs length is warm and loving. Maybe, a bit of a fathers pride is in the aire too.
Yes.
I am a simple man today. But, why sure, back many years ago, I had my travels, the adventures with my bride, places and the scenes we/I were involved with, before, and since. It explodes parts of my psyche and it blows my mind too see how Honorable Daughter #1, was so able to slide right back into the way we roll 'round these parts. With such ease, I say.
I do mean to express that my pretty, pretty princess has had one whole day of rest and relaxation since arriving home from abroad, that being today - with her dear ole goat, her dad. I covered the telephones as well as I might so that she could sleep in, and sleep she did. Good goodness, these young world travelers of this modern day, are something else. I don't know how they do it. The they are both of my daughters, in this case.
My daddy heart reports to me, The Dad Of The Year, 2013, that this is the way my world will be for a spell. I might as well sit back and enjoy life with my family as we roll like this for a while. Dear Heavenly Father, bless my world travelers and keep them forever safe. I pray, in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus, please keep an eye on my babe's. Please, I pray for both of my other daughter's too, Honorable Daughter's Number Three, and Four. Amen.
My daughters bring me joy and being near them has been beneficial in many good right aspects for me. I have not been well with the health piece, but their youthful energy is contagious and their love is strong and unconditional. My baby's. They bring good medicine from the Spirit for their pa. I am honored.
Honorable Daughter Number One, I am sorry you were here to see the Meniere's and awful pains of the spine work your pa damned near to the emergency department today. I was there approaching dialing the 911 real quick. I do want to thank you though daughter, you were here with me and you assisted me with staying within the moment. For shits sake! There are times and days like today when the entire day is a long drawn out torture chamber of fucking pains - today on my left face, near catastrophic pains in my neck, my left upper arm, and both shoulders. So outrageous, not even the swallowed pills helped me but for a brief period of time. WTF, am I to do?
By God, these damned pains are such that I question my selves's, and what is it bout my personalities, and or my sanity that brings me to this point in life. No, wait, oh yes. It does. Please, I am a simple fellow. A daddy, a husband who loves his wife, who just so happens to be my high school sweet heart. I have loved her, my bride literally all of my life. My sweet wife.
Today, even with pains, medications, and tears, was a sweet day to be alive.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Crazy Making Ears, Deaf Vs. Hard of Hearing, Huh?
Hello there Kindred One's,
My ears have been absolutely crazy making for hours and days. I try to sleep through them, sometimes it is noises in my deaf ear that wakes me in the night, shocking stuff that has made me holler more than a handful of times. I mean, God Bless America and all, but this shit is going on and has gone on just too damned long. Duration, intensity, the variation. I refrain and fight from the use of profanity, honestly. Then, I forget. For fucks sake ...
... the sounds of today are blaring in my deaf left ear, at this moment so indescribable. It's just so damned loud and it blares, and howls, and my right ear plops. I sit here a man blessed with an implant for the BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, and am hard of hearing on the right. Speaking of which, I visited with my Audiologist this morning, she sized me up for the ear bud that will soon be a piece of my hearing aid. My dearest Dr. Blanca, I am forever indebted to you and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain for this gift of honor, and yes Ma'am, I am honored and humbled. You have touched my spirit's. This hearing instrument is awesomely handsome, so sleek and so much the complexion of my skin. We will have to wait two weeks for delivery of the ear bud, then I'll have the fitting and return to a state of better hearing from the right ear. I have not yet visited the welcoming web site, but I do have it and am glad to share this info with Kindred. The address is; www.oticonusa.com. I will be there in just a minute.
Dearest Kindred, I share with you that there are times when the sounds and noises get so harshly out of the imagination, that I am over come by anxiety, and have experienced panic. The most mind blowing is having sounds and noises come from my left deaf ear. Night and day. I swear sometimes I feel on the verge of requiring emergency care, but, what am I to report the purpose of my visit to the emergency department. So loud, I grow bitter and angry and sad and blue, and I just don't fucking know what to do. Dear God, sometimes like now, my ears compete for which one will be the loudest, the most freaking obnoxious and shit.
I have Macklemore here with me, hangin' out as he sings just for me. Into both ear's. Yes.
My ears have been absolutely crazy making for hours and days. I try to sleep through them, sometimes it is noises in my deaf ear that wakes me in the night, shocking stuff that has made me holler more than a handful of times. I mean, God Bless America and all, but this shit is going on and has gone on just too damned long. Duration, intensity, the variation. I refrain and fight from the use of profanity, honestly. Then, I forget. For fucks sake ...
... the sounds of today are blaring in my deaf left ear, at this moment so indescribable. It's just so damned loud and it blares, and howls, and my right ear plops. I sit here a man blessed with an implant for the BAHA, the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, and am hard of hearing on the right. Speaking of which, I visited with my Audiologist this morning, she sized me up for the ear bud that will soon be a piece of my hearing aid. My dearest Dr. Blanca, I am forever indebted to you and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain for this gift of honor, and yes Ma'am, I am honored and humbled. You have touched my spirit's. This hearing instrument is awesomely handsome, so sleek and so much the complexion of my skin. We will have to wait two weeks for delivery of the ear bud, then I'll have the fitting and return to a state of better hearing from the right ear. I have not yet visited the welcoming web site, but I do have it and am glad to share this info with Kindred. The address is; www.oticonusa.com. I will be there in just a minute.
Dearest Kindred, I share with you that there are times when the sounds and noises get so harshly out of the imagination, that I am over come by anxiety, and have experienced panic. The most mind blowing is having sounds and noises come from my left deaf ear. Night and day. I swear sometimes I feel on the verge of requiring emergency care, but, what am I to report the purpose of my visit to the emergency department. So loud, I grow bitter and angry and sad and blue, and I just don't fucking know what to do. Dear God, sometimes like now, my ears compete for which one will be the loudest, the most freaking obnoxious and shit.
I have Macklemore here with me, hangin' out as he sings just for me. Into both ear's. Yes.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
America, Is It Really About A Jury Of Six Women? America?
America, I am an American.
I am a Mixed Blooded American, and just happen to be an American who has lived across more Rail Road tracks than I can remember. Seen? So, I share these words based on the knowledge and just-way-so-damned-many-facts, just one of which being that I have been "gone there" just too many damned times which has occupied just too damned much of my life. Seen.
I am here to share that I think I smell some shit about to hit the fan in a day or two. It's stank too.
No, I will not direct my own theory's about Race relations here in the South Eastern United States of America. I don't have any letter's behind my name.
You see, I am not afraid to share what's on my mind and say that if justice does not take place for the family of the right young fellow, Mr. Trayvon Martin, unrest will be considered an understatement. If not for my being gimpy, my wide ass would be out there protesting too. What I am witnessing right here in this year 2013, is a travesty. And then, the jury of six white women ups and decides to delay the case until Monday, too? No. What?
The six Women of the jury, five of which are White, the one other is Hispanic.
The murderer is white and is a member of the Wannabe Tribe, a Wannabe Cop. He's a power hungry, pig-dog, and is envious of our Law Enforcement Officials. This mule is a short, over weight, attention desiring idiot. Master Martin, was a young, rather slim and darker skinned boy, just starting out on his adventure called life. A young fellow growing up in the very community I was brought up in. I see much remains same today as it was in 1976. By the way, I have seen this type of delay here in Florida and the South before. My Spirit's say to me these people of that jury already know the decision. It is the officials who have requested the week end for preparation of staff and tools.
As an American, I pray.
I am a Mixed Blooded American, and just happen to be an American who has lived across more Rail Road tracks than I can remember. Seen? So, I share these words based on the knowledge and just-way-so-damned-many-facts, just one of which being that I have been "gone there" just too many damned times which has occupied just too damned much of my life. Seen.
I am here to share that I think I smell some shit about to hit the fan in a day or two. It's stank too.
No, I will not direct my own theory's about Race relations here in the South Eastern United States of America. I don't have any letter's behind my name.
You see, I am not afraid to share what's on my mind and say that if justice does not take place for the family of the right young fellow, Mr. Trayvon Martin, unrest will be considered an understatement. If not for my being gimpy, my wide ass would be out there protesting too. What I am witnessing right here in this year 2013, is a travesty. And then, the jury of six white women ups and decides to delay the case until Monday, too? No. What?
The six Women of the jury, five of which are White, the one other is Hispanic.
The murderer is white and is a member of the Wannabe Tribe, a Wannabe Cop. He's a power hungry, pig-dog, and is envious of our Law Enforcement Officials. This mule is a short, over weight, attention desiring idiot. Master Martin, was a young, rather slim and darker skinned boy, just starting out on his adventure called life. A young fellow growing up in the very community I was brought up in. I see much remains same today as it was in 1976. By the way, I have seen this type of delay here in Florida and the South before. My Spirit's say to me these people of that jury already know the decision. It is the officials who have requested the week end for preparation of staff and tools.
As an American, I pray.
My Heart Does Not Belong
As of this morning, on this very day, the of 13 July 2013 at approximately 0930, I had this sensation take over my mind, body and spirit's...
...and I heard God say to me, "Your Heart Does Not Belong To You. It Belongs To Them You Love."
And I thought, well then, now I know and I have not been able to let be the way I felt in my physical and Spiritual being. These words I felt from God, have remained and have been unable to leave alone these words from Great Spirit, and I ask, "Why me, My Lord"?
I tossed and turned in my bed as I prepared for a return to slumber an hour or so after waking. My sweet nieces and nephews were up, out, and off to a day at a park in Orlando, Florida. I already miss their laughter and energies. I miss their youthfulness, and I especially miss their complete undivided love and respect.
I am home alone for the time being. My sweet daughters and spouse have gone to the parlor for hair do. I would have gone but do not have much on top of my scalp for a beautician.
Since this morning, this message has been in my mind and heart, and as the day progresses, I contemplate, why today? Why now? And what time is it anyway?
I will remember this. I will remember how my heart felt when the realization took place. I know where I was when I felt in my whole being the acceptance and change created by this message.
"My heart does not belong to me, it belongs to them I love."
I am okay with this.
...and I heard God say to me, "Your Heart Does Not Belong To You. It Belongs To Them You Love."
And I thought, well then, now I know and I have not been able to let be the way I felt in my physical and Spiritual being. These words I felt from God, have remained and have been unable to leave alone these words from Great Spirit, and I ask, "Why me, My Lord"?
I tossed and turned in my bed as I prepared for a return to slumber an hour or so after waking. My sweet nieces and nephews were up, out, and off to a day at a park in Orlando, Florida. I already miss their laughter and energies. I miss their youthfulness, and I especially miss their complete undivided love and respect.
I am home alone for the time being. My sweet daughters and spouse have gone to the parlor for hair do. I would have gone but do not have much on top of my scalp for a beautician.
Since this morning, this message has been in my mind and heart, and as the day progresses, I contemplate, why today? Why now? And what time is it anyway?
I will remember this. I will remember how my heart felt when the realization took place. I know where I was when I felt in my whole being the acceptance and change created by this message.
"My heart does not belong to me, it belongs to them I love."
I am okay with this.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Pains, Meniere's, And The Best Kinfolks And Kindred Ever
Dearest Guests,
Please pardon me for my lack of communications over the past week. Much has happened and much is going on, and I would love to share a bit or some life with my Kinfolk and Kindred Spirits. Please do understand that I am aware of my absence, as I am well aware of the decline in my communiques. This is unacceptable in my mind and I accept that perhaps in more ways than I can explain, a whole bunch of life has happened with me lately, and other than that, all I can do is say, Sir., I am above ground, not my house, but me in this physical state of skin, innards, bones, and yes, all of my Spirit's too.
At this instant I acknowledge the gifts from the Great Spirit, which is something I pray and contemplate every day of my life. I am most blessed to have some of the most awesome kinfolk and kindred one's in the world. Yes, I am blessed here on Earth Mother. To think I have more time remaining here excites me. I am a fifty three years old dude who's a bit of a gimp and I am attempting to get a grip to let go.
I report straight away that my Neurologist has reviewed the latest tests pertaining to the lesion at the tip of my spinal cord. She has shared with my wife, eldest and I, that at this time she is confidant that this tumor is benign, BUT, has ordered a small list of tests, and would like to have studies done on my brain and entire back to rule out stuff. I'm glad my right good professor is as confidant as she is because this mystery is working my last nerve. No doubt, I have had upwards of a bakers dozen worth of MRI's, plus I don't know how many CT scans and such studies in five or so years. I mean really, I have noticed that my eye orbs sometime glow in the dark. Oh yes, I am to have a spinal tap too. Sounds as if I am preparing to give birth, en`it? A damned spinal tap. Huh?
My right good doctor has also ordered a change of medicine too. At this time we were afforded the opportunity to purchase but one of my medications. I had to go with the most economical of the bunch, a new and improved pill. I have started the regimen as of yesterday. There are medications in the ques at the drug store and now there are new medications required. Without insurance or the money to purchase them, I am up the proverbial creek headed towards a water fall real fast like too. So too fast. Soon I will run out of my required daily prescription's, I reckon this scene right here creates anxiety and complicates matters all the more.
Last night as I laid in my safe place, I suffered some major and dreadful pains in my cervical spine, my neck, and shoulders. There were periods when the pain was so bad I considered waking the spouse and heading over to the emergency department at Florida Hospital. I did what I had to do, I manned up. With out the insurance, there is no emergency department visit. Unless I can not breath, then maybe. Seen? And now that I think of this, I suppose there will be no appointments with my physician's for a period of three months. Which is absolutely horrifying. I don't know what to say but for shits sake.
There has been too much sleep still. Even with my Eldest child in from a land far away, I have succumbed to the slumber. I can't help it anymore. Neither can I fight this scene any more. Fighting all of what is going on within my skin is futile. There is nothing to win but utter frustration. So, I say, I am happy to be awake to make this connection with you. When I am unable to connect with others, I feel cut off from reality. From my Kinfolk and Kindred One's.
It's that simple too.
At this instant, nausea is a plus 7, but not productive. Yesterday yes, but not yet today. I am sweating as if sitting out side. I am dizzy that has created too many stumbles, missteps, bumps-into-walls and an over all unsatisfactory coordination. The sounds are simply fucking absurdly loud and have ranged from the sounds of a hovering craft above the lodge, to the mad beeps and jungles, to my very first "bah" of a lamb. Scared me for a flash.
The pains in my neck and shoulder continue and are at a straight six at this moment. I have had facial spasms and inner ear spasms today. God.
Folks, my dearest doctors are playing ping pong with me. Or, maybe like go ask Dad. True.
Tonight I will have both of my sweet daughters home with me and the Ole Girl! Later on this evening I expect the arrival of my nephew, his wife, my niece and the young one's. I can't wait!
I have said enough.
Please pardon me for my lack of communications over the past week. Much has happened and much is going on, and I would love to share a bit or some life with my Kinfolk and Kindred Spirits. Please do understand that I am aware of my absence, as I am well aware of the decline in my communiques. This is unacceptable in my mind and I accept that perhaps in more ways than I can explain, a whole bunch of life has happened with me lately, and other than that, all I can do is say, Sir., I am above ground, not my house, but me in this physical state of skin, innards, bones, and yes, all of my Spirit's too.
At this instant I acknowledge the gifts from the Great Spirit, which is something I pray and contemplate every day of my life. I am most blessed to have some of the most awesome kinfolk and kindred one's in the world. Yes, I am blessed here on Earth Mother. To think I have more time remaining here excites me. I am a fifty three years old dude who's a bit of a gimp and I am attempting to get a grip to let go.
I report straight away that my Neurologist has reviewed the latest tests pertaining to the lesion at the tip of my spinal cord. She has shared with my wife, eldest and I, that at this time she is confidant that this tumor is benign, BUT, has ordered a small list of tests, and would like to have studies done on my brain and entire back to rule out stuff. I'm glad my right good professor is as confidant as she is because this mystery is working my last nerve. No doubt, I have had upwards of a bakers dozen worth of MRI's, plus I don't know how many CT scans and such studies in five or so years. I mean really, I have noticed that my eye orbs sometime glow in the dark. Oh yes, I am to have a spinal tap too. Sounds as if I am preparing to give birth, en`it? A damned spinal tap. Huh?
My right good doctor has also ordered a change of medicine too. At this time we were afforded the opportunity to purchase but one of my medications. I had to go with the most economical of the bunch, a new and improved pill. I have started the regimen as of yesterday. There are medications in the ques at the drug store and now there are new medications required. Without insurance or the money to purchase them, I am up the proverbial creek headed towards a water fall real fast like too. So too fast. Soon I will run out of my required daily prescription's, I reckon this scene right here creates anxiety and complicates matters all the more.
Last night as I laid in my safe place, I suffered some major and dreadful pains in my cervical spine, my neck, and shoulders. There were periods when the pain was so bad I considered waking the spouse and heading over to the emergency department at Florida Hospital. I did what I had to do, I manned up. With out the insurance, there is no emergency department visit. Unless I can not breath, then maybe. Seen? And now that I think of this, I suppose there will be no appointments with my physician's for a period of three months. Which is absolutely horrifying. I don't know what to say but for shits sake.
There has been too much sleep still. Even with my Eldest child in from a land far away, I have succumbed to the slumber. I can't help it anymore. Neither can I fight this scene any more. Fighting all of what is going on within my skin is futile. There is nothing to win but utter frustration. So, I say, I am happy to be awake to make this connection with you. When I am unable to connect with others, I feel cut off from reality. From my Kinfolk and Kindred One's.
It's that simple too.
At this instant, nausea is a plus 7, but not productive. Yesterday yes, but not yet today. I am sweating as if sitting out side. I am dizzy that has created too many stumbles, missteps, bumps-into-walls and an over all unsatisfactory coordination. The sounds are simply fucking absurdly loud and have ranged from the sounds of a hovering craft above the lodge, to the mad beeps and jungles, to my very first "bah" of a lamb. Scared me for a flash.
The pains in my neck and shoulder continue and are at a straight six at this moment. I have had facial spasms and inner ear spasms today. God.
Folks, my dearest doctors are playing ping pong with me. Or, maybe like go ask Dad. True.
Tonight I will have both of my sweet daughters home with me and the Ole Girl! Later on this evening I expect the arrival of my nephew, his wife, my niece and the young one's. I can't wait!
I have said enough.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Happy Fifth of July
Well, I am up and about early this morning. Woke up a couple of hours before the alarm clock had an opportunity to buzz and blare, so I figured I would get my ass up from the bed that has a permanent impression of my body on my side of it. Took my medications and decided to hop on here for a spell and am glad to be here. Here in Florida, U.S.A.
Here, where last night the locals lost their collective minds with the explosions of fire works, fire crackers, and their drunken displays of patriotism. All by locals who consist mostly of Latin's, a few Black people, plenty Caribbean Folk, Mixed Breeds like me, and what few whites are living amongst us. I have never been able to afford the decision on why it is Native Americans, Latin's and the rest of us even celebrate the Independence Day of a people who slaughtered en mass a peoples of this continent and a peoples of Africa. It was and is the White Master's of genocide's that took place here in America, that don't recognize that the genocides still rock this country to this every damned day. Isn't it nice how White Americans want to sweep shit under century's old carpet as if slavery never happened. Or as if the wanton slaughter of our aboriginal peoples never took place. I listen and hear how White Americans love to say and repeat to themselves, "Oh things have changed here in America." Well, White America need only open their eyes and ears to see and hear what continues to occur every day in the United States of America.
Oh, the games white people play. I have hated them always. Seriously. One especially hideous game is making examples out of people in public for having uttered racial slurs. Yeah, I see how much this country has changed. Here where it is this country punishes those by choice. Not by deed. To ruin a person's life over an utterance goes against the grain, and to destroy a persons livelihood over words is taking away the right of freedom of speech.
White America needs to wake up real quick like. This is 2013, not nineteen sixty or seventy any-year. White America, surly will smell and eat the rotten fruits of its sowing. Time.
Something that bugs me to deaf is that most Americans don't have the slightest clue that this country did not gain its Independence on that fourth day of July back in 1776. It was simply a declaration of independence, not independence, and then, to be righteous, the declaration itself was incomplete for a mighty long time. The war raged on for many, many more years.
Oh yes, it was on the fourth of July 1876, when Eastern White Americans learned of Custer's demise, which in turn opened hunting season on all Indians and their allies. The consequences of which go on to this very day. Have you visited a Reservation lately? A barrio? Changes? Here?
Please.
Here, where last night the locals lost their collective minds with the explosions of fire works, fire crackers, and their drunken displays of patriotism. All by locals who consist mostly of Latin's, a few Black people, plenty Caribbean Folk, Mixed Breeds like me, and what few whites are living amongst us. I have never been able to afford the decision on why it is Native Americans, Latin's and the rest of us even celebrate the Independence Day of a people who slaughtered en mass a peoples of this continent and a peoples of Africa. It was and is the White Master's of genocide's that took place here in America, that don't recognize that the genocides still rock this country to this every damned day. Isn't it nice how White Americans want to sweep shit under century's old carpet as if slavery never happened. Or as if the wanton slaughter of our aboriginal peoples never took place. I listen and hear how White Americans love to say and repeat to themselves, "Oh things have changed here in America." Well, White America need only open their eyes and ears to see and hear what continues to occur every day in the United States of America.
Oh, the games white people play. I have hated them always. Seriously. One especially hideous game is making examples out of people in public for having uttered racial slurs. Yeah, I see how much this country has changed. Here where it is this country punishes those by choice. Not by deed. To ruin a person's life over an utterance goes against the grain, and to destroy a persons livelihood over words is taking away the right of freedom of speech.
White America needs to wake up real quick like. This is 2013, not nineteen sixty or seventy any-year. White America, surly will smell and eat the rotten fruits of its sowing. Time.
Something that bugs me to deaf is that most Americans don't have the slightest clue that this country did not gain its Independence on that fourth day of July back in 1776. It was simply a declaration of independence, not independence, and then, to be righteous, the declaration itself was incomplete for a mighty long time. The war raged on for many, many more years.
Oh yes, it was on the fourth of July 1876, when Eastern White Americans learned of Custer's demise, which in turn opened hunting season on all Indians and their allies. The consequences of which go on to this very day. Have you visited a Reservation lately? A barrio? Changes? Here?
Please.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Patient Data, Meniere's Disease
Relations,
Welcome.
Tonight, I wish to communicate with my quests from the point of view of the patient. The someone who has had to live, and is living with this bull shit Meniere's Disease. The diseases encyclopedia of symptoms, their consequences, and how it is that despite being affected and the effect's, the writer, this person known as I, who happens to be at the very end of a fragile set of nerves. Yet, it seems it is my business and with urgency to splice these loose nerves back together and keep on keeping on. Kinfolk, I just must move along. Yes, I know damned well that I have been diagnosed by a team of medical professionals, with their second and third opinion's, who are also on the "what to do now?" situation and scene I inhabit. I am also aware, having said such, that there are many who visit here to read, learn and empathize with a fellow who suffers with the same, perhaps similar symptoms as you, or a member of your family or friends. A neighbor or co-worker even. Please understand that I speak only on how Meniere's has effected and affects me.
This entire me, the all my being, and this Spirit, dwelling within is here but for a brief while. I know this by experience. The Knowing, which inhabits both my life and Dream World, makes solid the foundation on which I establish or not, the Path on which I walk and travel. I haven't snapped from the pressures of my day-to-day, I promise. I work hard on maintaining a right proper exterior, while within there are thoughts traveling faster than I can relate. I know what I mean, I hope you do too. Seen, there is soon to be an overwhelming state of depression, I am at present at a difficult state of depression. The gloom that has surrounded me, which has taken a hold of me by my neck is relentless. There are dark and troublesome pieces of memories that strike at me as in ambush. Flashbacks strike randomly and I am constantly reminded that I am an individual, a one fellow human who has had some truly ugly stuff happen to in life. From the rapes I survived as a child, the incest and sexual abuse that went on for far too many years. Look, I acknowledge and am aware many fellow humans have it worse than I. I know this. And often, I let these things trouble me so that my prayers are directed elsewhere.
Tonight is an expression of what is my whole kit and caboodle is about with this Meniere's. I am here and this is the going's of a person who is encapsulated by the illnesses and diseases that are dwelling within my body.
What I say, is what I mean. Seen. I seldom censor, edit or refrain from saying what I say. I have from the beginning of this Blog, communicated in such a way that is open, plain simple and it is my plan is to continue to do so. When I say I Love You, I mean that I Love You. When and if I pepper my language, it is because at that moment, I damned want to. I convey my messages from a place deeper than one half of my brains, the words I talk are deeper than my heart, and is an awesome energy that I often refer to as my Spirit's. What a reader reads is truth. I will not lie, nor will I play with the emotions of others, as this is one of the worse energies one might perpetuate. Kindred, there is no damned reason on Mother Earth, to play with mine, so please know I will not play with yours. There's no damned reason to.
Today is 05 July, and my Eldest returns from a place far and further away. I miss my child and I know her mom and sister can not wait to greet her at the air port. Neither can I. My tiny baby.
I have slept for an extraordinary amount of time these past three weeks and the hours I did not keep, there isn't much need in counting them anymore. Not when the Meniere's strikes and the gloom has me down hard. The best thing for me to do is release the wheel and just sleep.
The sounds in my ears have been deaf defying. I can say that because I am Single Side Deaf, and there is this new series of loud beeps come into my ear hole and life. My Good God, it sounds something like this; Beep. Tick, tick, tick, Beeeep. Beep. Tick, tick, tick, beeeeep, over and over for six hours on this Monday past. Even took a sleep for twenty minutes, and woke to same beeping and what was more a tisk, tisk, tisk, that kept right on keeping on. This is maddening and it is a way of my life to have these maddening sounds and noises every damned day of it. At this very moment, it sounds like I am listening to two different Eco systems in my ears. On the left is a pasture with crickets and cicadas blaring their fucking heads off and on the right good bad ear hole to the brains, I am listening to Tarzan's jungle. Yes, right now. Listen.
The dizziness has been intoxicating, my head in a constant state of spinning. I have had to use walls, furniture and my quad cane to navigate the lodge today, my steps and balance are forced and walked with as much purpose here. Yesterday I fell in our second bath. Head first into the wall, then falling to the floor. Yes, it hurt and I almost screamed out of fright, but kept my manhood quiet. It is one of the most horrifying things to have happen. Shit, I hate falling.
Sweat is on my head, chest, shoulder's, neck and back. The air condition is on 74 F. and I sit here tip-tapping and sweating as if I was in the screened in. No, it doesn't make sense, but what can I do but sit and sweat.
I vomited in my mouth earlier today. I've taught myself how to keep this from family, though sometimes I just can't. When this came up I thought there was going to be projectile vomit, but the vomit stopped at my mouth and I had to swallow. This fucking nausea has taken my deep throat hostage. I say deep because I feel the clump of vomit in the upper part of my chest. Not because I have a deep throat for recreation. Seen. The vomit is in the lower throat chamber.
Dreadful inner ear spasms continue, as do the facial spasms. The pain clusters strike.
Oh, My Dear Great One! I have slept so too much! Please, I pray, Great One, please awaken the Warrior within! Then we will shake my pony from its slumber and take to the trails and getting some activity into my life. Amen. Now, back to bed.
Is it any wonder? Enough said then.
Welcome.
Tonight, I wish to communicate with my quests from the point of view of the patient. The someone who has had to live, and is living with this bull shit Meniere's Disease. The diseases encyclopedia of symptoms, their consequences, and how it is that despite being affected and the effect's, the writer, this person known as I, who happens to be at the very end of a fragile set of nerves. Yet, it seems it is my business and with urgency to splice these loose nerves back together and keep on keeping on. Kinfolk, I just must move along. Yes, I know damned well that I have been diagnosed by a team of medical professionals, with their second and third opinion's, who are also on the "what to do now?" situation and scene I inhabit. I am also aware, having said such, that there are many who visit here to read, learn and empathize with a fellow who suffers with the same, perhaps similar symptoms as you, or a member of your family or friends. A neighbor or co-worker even. Please understand that I speak only on how Meniere's has effected and affects me.
This entire me, the all my being, and this Spirit, dwelling within is here but for a brief while. I know this by experience. The Knowing, which inhabits both my life and Dream World, makes solid the foundation on which I establish or not, the Path on which I walk and travel. I haven't snapped from the pressures of my day-to-day, I promise. I work hard on maintaining a right proper exterior, while within there are thoughts traveling faster than I can relate. I know what I mean, I hope you do too. Seen, there is soon to be an overwhelming state of depression, I am at present at a difficult state of depression. The gloom that has surrounded me, which has taken a hold of me by my neck is relentless. There are dark and troublesome pieces of memories that strike at me as in ambush. Flashbacks strike randomly and I am constantly reminded that I am an individual, a one fellow human who has had some truly ugly stuff happen to in life. From the rapes I survived as a child, the incest and sexual abuse that went on for far too many years. Look, I acknowledge and am aware many fellow humans have it worse than I. I know this. And often, I let these things trouble me so that my prayers are directed elsewhere.
Tonight is an expression of what is my whole kit and caboodle is about with this Meniere's. I am here and this is the going's of a person who is encapsulated by the illnesses and diseases that are dwelling within my body.
What I say, is what I mean. Seen. I seldom censor, edit or refrain from saying what I say. I have from the beginning of this Blog, communicated in such a way that is open, plain simple and it is my plan is to continue to do so. When I say I Love You, I mean that I Love You. When and if I pepper my language, it is because at that moment, I damned want to. I convey my messages from a place deeper than one half of my brains, the words I talk are deeper than my heart, and is an awesome energy that I often refer to as my Spirit's. What a reader reads is truth. I will not lie, nor will I play with the emotions of others, as this is one of the worse energies one might perpetuate. Kindred, there is no damned reason on Mother Earth, to play with mine, so please know I will not play with yours. There's no damned reason to.
Today is 05 July, and my Eldest returns from a place far and further away. I miss my child and I know her mom and sister can not wait to greet her at the air port. Neither can I. My tiny baby.
I have slept for an extraordinary amount of time these past three weeks and the hours I did not keep, there isn't much need in counting them anymore. Not when the Meniere's strikes and the gloom has me down hard. The best thing for me to do is release the wheel and just sleep.
The sounds in my ears have been deaf defying. I can say that because I am Single Side Deaf, and there is this new series of loud beeps come into my ear hole and life. My Good God, it sounds something like this; Beep. Tick, tick, tick, Beeeep. Beep. Tick, tick, tick, beeeeep, over and over for six hours on this Monday past. Even took a sleep for twenty minutes, and woke to same beeping and what was more a tisk, tisk, tisk, that kept right on keeping on. This is maddening and it is a way of my life to have these maddening sounds and noises every damned day of it. At this very moment, it sounds like I am listening to two different Eco systems in my ears. On the left is a pasture with crickets and cicadas blaring their fucking heads off and on the right good bad ear hole to the brains, I am listening to Tarzan's jungle. Yes, right now. Listen.
The dizziness has been intoxicating, my head in a constant state of spinning. I have had to use walls, furniture and my quad cane to navigate the lodge today, my steps and balance are forced and walked with as much purpose here. Yesterday I fell in our second bath. Head first into the wall, then falling to the floor. Yes, it hurt and I almost screamed out of fright, but kept my manhood quiet. It is one of the most horrifying things to have happen. Shit, I hate falling.
Sweat is on my head, chest, shoulder's, neck and back. The air condition is on 74 F. and I sit here tip-tapping and sweating as if I was in the screened in. No, it doesn't make sense, but what can I do but sit and sweat.
I vomited in my mouth earlier today. I've taught myself how to keep this from family, though sometimes I just can't. When this came up I thought there was going to be projectile vomit, but the vomit stopped at my mouth and I had to swallow. This fucking nausea has taken my deep throat hostage. I say deep because I feel the clump of vomit in the upper part of my chest. Not because I have a deep throat for recreation. Seen. The vomit is in the lower throat chamber.
Dreadful inner ear spasms continue, as do the facial spasms. The pain clusters strike.
Oh, My Dear Great One! I have slept so too much! Please, I pray, Great One, please awaken the Warrior within! Then we will shake my pony from its slumber and take to the trails and getting some activity into my life. Amen. Now, back to bed.
Is it any wonder? Enough said then.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Terminal, Meniere's Disease - A Reader's Question
Greeting's Kind Folk,
A dear kind reader has offered what I consider an interesting question, one asked through the key word system. These are the key words used to search of a blog and it was written as such; "Terminal Meniere's Disease". You see, while checking daily stats, maps, and numbers, I will occasionally see a question or note this way. I do attempt to respond and or engage, and I enjoy this very much. So, my dear Kind Reader, I will reply only based on all of my experience's as a patient with Meniere's. Dear Kind Reader, I will say that I know there are more like me out there - but I have not met him or her.
My Guest, it is my belief that it will not be the disease itself that will take me to the point of being terminal. I think of the so many times I have fallen and didn't break my neck. I also think of the times I have walked in the parking lot at the Store With The Big Red Dot and get damned near smashed because I didn't hear the truck and car.
For me, my terminal thing comes when I lose all balance and hearing. I have good balance on my right side only. The right good bad ear hole to the brain, will soon go with out sound, an aid comes soon. My left ear is deaf and I also have a BAHA, A Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. An implant site near my left ear that has had over one dozen surgeries and procedure's can sometimes be scary, I mean, so it might could go terminal during surgery. But, Folks, all of the above are so rare, but as any other ill-prepared surgical team could have life happen, life could happen with me.
I have not read or heard of any such terminal link to Meniere's Disease. No, it's not that the damned Meniere's Disease, that creates a terminal case here. It is what we all as patients can do and take for as long as we can, with our Medical Professionals at our sides doing their best, just to come to a point that we're unable to go any further. Then, this could be a terminal scenario.
Dear Guest, I ask that you please consult with your doctor about this question and idea. If you have access to clergy or a Spiritual One, I ask that you please consult with them too..
Prayer's for peace.
A dear kind reader has offered what I consider an interesting question, one asked through the key word system. These are the key words used to search of a blog and it was written as such; "Terminal Meniere's Disease". You see, while checking daily stats, maps, and numbers, I will occasionally see a question or note this way. I do attempt to respond and or engage, and I enjoy this very much. So, my dear Kind Reader, I will reply only based on all of my experience's as a patient with Meniere's. Dear Kind Reader, I will say that I know there are more like me out there - but I have not met him or her.
My Guest, it is my belief that it will not be the disease itself that will take me to the point of being terminal. I think of the so many times I have fallen and didn't break my neck. I also think of the times I have walked in the parking lot at the Store With The Big Red Dot and get damned near smashed because I didn't hear the truck and car.
For me, my terminal thing comes when I lose all balance and hearing. I have good balance on my right side only. The right good bad ear hole to the brain, will soon go with out sound, an aid comes soon. My left ear is deaf and I also have a BAHA, A Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. An implant site near my left ear that has had over one dozen surgeries and procedure's can sometimes be scary, I mean, so it might could go terminal during surgery. But, Folks, all of the above are so rare, but as any other ill-prepared surgical team could have life happen, life could happen with me.
I have not read or heard of any such terminal link to Meniere's Disease. No, it's not that the damned Meniere's Disease, that creates a terminal case here. It is what we all as patients can do and take for as long as we can, with our Medical Professionals at our sides doing their best, just to come to a point that we're unable to go any further. Then, this could be a terminal scenario.
Dear Guest, I ask that you please consult with your doctor about this question and idea. If you have access to clergy or a Spiritual One, I ask that you please consult with them too..
Prayer's for peace.
Monday, July 1, 2013
It Is, Share and Tell Time! What!
Relations,
Okay, I'm suiting up for a good old fashioned "Share And Tell Time"! A nice flow of thoughts and verbiage moving along as a leaf on a creek traveling down stream from a mountain top creek.
There is a fact that some of what I'll say is word associated. This is going on from time to time. The purpose of this exercise is to purge and cleanse my Spirit's and self of whatever energies that may be dwelling with in my center, my core, with out a reservation. The "Share And Tell It Time, is exactly as it sounds. As I do tend to shoot from the hip - what ever is said is said. No, editing, deletions, or censorship. Well then.
1. My Daisey Dukes fit me better this Summer than last.
2. I am beginning to lose weight too quick. I will keep an eye on it.
3. My complexion has changed with the season, but has done so because of the change of season.
4. Parents, please be advised that there is no excuse in the world to make fun of your child's private parts. Never - ever!
*I know why not Bitch's, my peoples fucked up with that piece right there, all of that negative shit directed to me - as a child - piled on me, with which included many outsiders. My Self-Esteem? Shit. And wide open as a victim for perpetrator's who read kids like me could be. And yes, I was often made to be wide open, by direct Kinfolk, Kindred, Friends, and higher authority figures.
5. An higher ranking soldier in the Army.
6. Abuse comes in the shape of words too, you know?
7. I assure you that a child tied to the television is doomed. I have seen the facts and results.
8. God Save Syria! God Bless Syria! God Save The Queen!
9. My Advocate and I have completed one business plan. Now, to move on to the next.
10. A time out has been called on all Vocational Rehab. activities.
11. Too much has been going on with the Health, Emotional, and Spiritual Way's.
12. With a lesion on my Spinal Cord, I need folks to back up a minute.
13. Let me fucking think and listen to what a doctor might say.
14. If Professor wants to slice and dice my fucking neck, let me think about it.
15. For fucks sake. Please!
16. There have been many who know my path, who are my Kinfolks and Kindred, and stay.
17. Trusted.
18. Loved. With affection.
19. I am a Spiritual Dude, born and raised Catholic. "If you're Catholic, and you're happy clap your hands". I was victimized by them cloaked in the cloths and sweaters of them thought so Holy and so trusted, and so respected, and so well paid...
. ...while victims like me, at that time, were so enthralled with and by the gorgeous moments of being victimized, not knowing it, and enjoying it too.
20. Happy Gay Pride Tampa Bay! Happy Gay Pride U.S.A.!
21. The betrayals of my own flesh and blood make trusting anybody rugged and tough.
22. So I am. For now.
23. I remember being introduced to the term 'cracker', by the mother of a very good friend who lived down the street from me. He and I played alot together and studied together. We would even bathe with one and another at the ages of seven or maybe eight. One day we had a little boy fumble and his mother, a friend of our family turned it into a tumble. Big Me, and Little He. May she rest in peace, but I say, "what an ass hole" she was that day. She was forcing children who were friends to handle each other as enemy. Her shit didn't work on the battle field that day, but her words cut to the white meat. Folks don't think of that bull shit until an adult learns them.
24. She-Who-Said-Cracker, and my awesome Grandpa, He-Who-Said-Nigger, Aunts and Uncles who made fun of my White Cherokee Mother, and those who were not too cheerful about that too very Hispanic Latin Father. Well, don't think any of that mixed blood shit affected any folks until our Clan came about. All of that damned mixin'.
25. My Mom and my Dad, dropped me off in Jacksonville just a week or so ago. They are well. traveling out of a travel wagon, packed and movin' along headed North, and I was figuring they would stop by Theresa's spot up there by the lake, up down South over there by Valdosta, GA.
Best I let loose. Hope you all enjoyed the latest "Share and Tell Times!". Ma, Pa! Give Theresa, my best! You know that I love that baby sister to deaf! Dammit Mom and Dad! Why did you leave us so fast? Why do I fear I follow your foot steps? Mom! Dad! Abuela!
(Ya-Hey! David! I love you Big Little Brother! Ya-Hey!)
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
Gotta Go ...
Okay, I'm suiting up for a good old fashioned "Share And Tell Time"! A nice flow of thoughts and verbiage moving along as a leaf on a creek traveling down stream from a mountain top creek.
There is a fact that some of what I'll say is word associated. This is going on from time to time. The purpose of this exercise is to purge and cleanse my Spirit's and self of whatever energies that may be dwelling with in my center, my core, with out a reservation. The "Share And Tell It Time, is exactly as it sounds. As I do tend to shoot from the hip - what ever is said is said. No, editing, deletions, or censorship. Well then.
1. My Daisey Dukes fit me better this Summer than last.
2. I am beginning to lose weight too quick. I will keep an eye on it.
3. My complexion has changed with the season, but has done so because of the change of season.
4. Parents, please be advised that there is no excuse in the world to make fun of your child's private parts. Never - ever!
*I know why not Bitch's, my peoples fucked up with that piece right there, all of that negative shit directed to me - as a child - piled on me, with which included many outsiders. My Self-Esteem? Shit. And wide open as a victim for perpetrator's who read kids like me could be. And yes, I was often made to be wide open, by direct Kinfolk, Kindred, Friends, and higher authority figures.
5. An higher ranking soldier in the Army.
6. Abuse comes in the shape of words too, you know?
7. I assure you that a child tied to the television is doomed. I have seen the facts and results.
8. God Save Syria! God Bless Syria! God Save The Queen!
9. My Advocate and I have completed one business plan. Now, to move on to the next.
10. A time out has been called on all Vocational Rehab. activities.
11. Too much has been going on with the Health, Emotional, and Spiritual Way's.
12. With a lesion on my Spinal Cord, I need folks to back up a minute.
13. Let me fucking think and listen to what a doctor might say.
14. If Professor wants to slice and dice my fucking neck, let me think about it.
15. For fucks sake. Please!
16. There have been many who know my path, who are my Kinfolks and Kindred, and stay.
17. Trusted.
18. Loved. With affection.
19. I am a Spiritual Dude, born and raised Catholic. "If you're Catholic, and you're happy clap your hands". I was victimized by them cloaked in the cloths and sweaters of them thought so Holy and so trusted, and so respected, and so well paid...
. ...while victims like me, at that time, were so enthralled with and by the gorgeous moments of being victimized, not knowing it, and enjoying it too.
20. Happy Gay Pride Tampa Bay! Happy Gay Pride U.S.A.!
21. The betrayals of my own flesh and blood make trusting anybody rugged and tough.
22. So I am. For now.
23. I remember being introduced to the term 'cracker', by the mother of a very good friend who lived down the street from me. He and I played alot together and studied together. We would even bathe with one and another at the ages of seven or maybe eight. One day we had a little boy fumble and his mother, a friend of our family turned it into a tumble. Big Me, and Little He. May she rest in peace, but I say, "what an ass hole" she was that day. She was forcing children who were friends to handle each other as enemy. Her shit didn't work on the battle field that day, but her words cut to the white meat. Folks don't think of that bull shit until an adult learns them.
24. She-Who-Said-Cracker, and my awesome Grandpa, He-Who-Said-Nigger, Aunts and Uncles who made fun of my White Cherokee Mother, and those who were not too cheerful about that too very Hispanic Latin Father. Well, don't think any of that mixed blood shit affected any folks until our Clan came about. All of that damned mixin'.
25. My Mom and my Dad, dropped me off in Jacksonville just a week or so ago. They are well. traveling out of a travel wagon, packed and movin' along headed North, and I was figuring they would stop by Theresa's spot up there by the lake, up down South over there by Valdosta, GA.
Best I let loose. Hope you all enjoyed the latest "Share and Tell Times!". Ma, Pa! Give Theresa, my best! You know that I love that baby sister to deaf! Dammit Mom and Dad! Why did you leave us so fast? Why do I fear I follow your foot steps? Mom! Dad! Abuela!
(Ya-Hey! David! I love you Big Little Brother! Ya-Hey!)
Love, peace, and more peace,
Mario
Gotta Go ...
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