Meniere's, More MRI's, and The Sadness Returns

Tomorrow afternoon at 1400 I will be back at hospital for two more MRI's. One without contrast, the other with the contrast. These will be used to compare the MRI's I took last month. Then I will receive consult with a neuro-surgeon directly after results are in. She Who Intimidates Me, has coordinated the tests and referral. Perhaps it was necessary to speak the words I did with the administrator of the practice...one thing I am certain of is that communications have resumed. Some activity as well.

My left deaf ear has the sounds of a forest of cicadas all celebrating their "coming out" at the same bloody time! I have medicated and have attempted to lay down for the night, but between my left deaf ear and my right-good-bad ear competing with crickets playing their shit on amps. I am on the verge of madness!

Nausea this evening is an 8. The dizziness has been fluctuating between the need to lay down or sit to the Human Bumper Car all day. My entire body is exhausted...from my toe knuckles to the tips of my fingers, my body aches and is sore. I did have productive nausea earlier today and had two near falls since afternoon - one out of doors, the other in my bath room.


Scared me so bad I caught the upset stomach.


I sit here looking at this keyboard and the monitor...the noises are so loud it affects the level of my nausea. It affects the level of my concentration. The ceiling fan sounds like an air boat propeller or an old sea plane with those huge propellers.

I think I may have left a back door open upstairs...the sadness has returned and I am crying more than I have in months. At the most mundane goings on I begin to boo-hoo or have to fight like mad not to weep. I suspect should this continue, I will be put in the position to keep my words for a return to the anti-sad pill. Not a happy place for me to be in at all. Really thought I could whoop this depression by self determination alone. Yes, I did. Really.

The powerlessness is what gets to my mind and being...

Think now I try for a return to slumber...I am so exhausted I am unable to rest. For now anyways. With a pill in my stomach - maybe rest comes soon.

My Path has pot holes and detours at the moment. Think it necessary to rest self and rest my pony Red. Po critter, I have been pushing pretty hard like for a couple of weeks. Sure does feel good when it's all systems go. Not too much when poop hits the fan from every-which-the-way. My heart is sad.