Body, Mind and Spirit

My body, mind and Spirit scream for me to get out of doors. I'm feeling and thinking confined this morning and must find some task or two to occupy some space between these damned ears of mine. There is little doubt that the year's long Winter has in fact been busted wide open. Now, I have a need to fill in these wide open spaces of my mind.

I will not say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but I will be honest to say I'm rather pissed. The new anti-sad/anti-depressant that I have failed to take on a consistent basis has reminded me WHY it has been that I have not taken this piece of shit giant white pill on a regular basis. It induces zombie like qualities for Pete's fucken sake! I don't want to take this type of medication! I have had to in the past, yes, but back-back then I was ignorant of my rights as a patient. I bet I am better prepared now day's. I'll end this piece here by first saying I have called my Dr. N., and complete this by stating, I am an educated consumer. This medication is simply not right with my body and mental chemistry. Enough!

The worms are at play. My right ear has been plopping. Nausea is a in force and so is the dizziness. Last night was shitty and I did have productive nausea. Once bringing up a bit in my mouth. Yes, I am medicated, for the Meniere's and the before mentioned product(Thought I would try to take pill in day time rather than the night). The sounds in my left deaf ear are a blaring horn of some sort...to loud for me to determine just what type of sound it is. I am simply aware of it's loudness. The good-bad-right ear is poor at the picking up of sound in or out of my ear this morning...on occasion going completely quiet...deaf. Scary dumb-ass stuff! My coordination and balance is off center today, and now that I mention this I wonder if this is playing a roll with my emotions. Probably, I would say. As I am so over this Meniere's! God!

My neck is sore and my left arm feels as if I have slept on it for hours. Tingling something really bad like. Will do traction later. Will hold off on the medication for this for a while...think I need to feel some sort of pain.

Look, I really need to get outside a spell. Am wanting to scream! Am wanting to cry! I want to beat, whip and harm myself...and rather than doing any thing of the sort, will bring this breif entry to a close...

Folks, something sometime, somewhere, must give. I feel like an over stretched rubber band. Damn it!

Gotta go...

...get out of doors where I can at least have the company of my bird cousins.