If I Could, I Would! I Would Scream Let Me Bleed!

If I could, I would turn back the hands of time and this time scream aloud the names of those who sexually abused me, raped and tortured the me that was an innocent. I would not shut up or shut in.

If I could, I would scream aloud the name of he who is attempting to molest the grown me!! He, who has exposed himself and masterbated to climax in my company...he who has grabed ahold of his clothed erect penis "to show me his arousal", with my family other room or my back yard away.

If I may, I share this because my therapist, Sir Dude, informs me as last visit that what I/him/we are going through with the Meniere's Disease, the therapies, the medications atop medications on top of medications...the crying, the desire to bleed and cut and cut to bleed ENOUGH...or the yearning to burn my flesh has nothing to do with "the" sexual abuse.

Well, and please understand I use every fiber of my body to refrain from the use of profane language, BUT!!

If I could, I would scream and cry at him, my Sir Dude, that he is MIGHTY incorrect! Just mighty wrong...yes, this may not have anything to do with the sexual abuse I suffered as a wee child, adolescent or young adult...and NO, this REALLY DOES NOT have anything to do with MENIERE'S DISEASE! BUT, Sir Dude, there sure is a whole truck load of HOT COW DUNG, that it is not needed while I am at war with this meniere's disease and its manifestations of illness', depressions, falls, infections, injections, medications, surgery's and maddness...associated with disease meniere's. True...true.

But, if I could, I would tell you Sir, YES! There is an awful lot about what's going on between my ears that does come from sexual abuse. YES! YES! YES, SIR! I am a 51 year old adult, husband and father, who is being ABUSED AND SEXUALLY PERPITRATED AGAINST BY ANOTHER MAN! A person of/with authority...a man with cunnuing and a manipulating nature. A supposed trusted one...one who has made attempts in the past and now most recently, more frequently in word and indeed actions. NO, SIR DUDE, there was NO SEX as in actual contsensual sexual activity...there was no contact.

BUT! THESE ARE/WAS/WERE ACTS AND INCIDENTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE!

So, yes, Sir Dude, some of this Mental Health Care, business that you, Dr. Psych, and I, are dealing with, does in fact, happen to include the issues and consequences of being one who has been Sexually Abused...as that wee little boy, as that handsome young teen, as a young adult trying to figure "am I Gay or am I straight"...And NOW! AS IN THE NOW! PRESENTLY as a middle aged fellow suffering with the Meniere's Disease we speak of.

I have survived Sexual Abuse throughout my days here on Earth Mother. My plan is to continue fighting the war against meniere's and I will steadfastly continue to fight the issues and consequences of being a SURVIVOR of Sexual Abuse...

...and now, since I can, I will once again say, I walk my Path with peace and an earnest desire to live...and walk this Path, one step, one breath, one tear at a time.

p.s. Just don't ask me. I just won't tell. Yes, I know. I just won't.