Dearest Relations,
With five more visits, our little blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path will have had 32,000 dear guests stop by. This safe place of mine never ceases to amaze me, neither the matters why, or where Folks are from who stop by for a visit. Sometimes, and only sometimes, I wonder what my Guests may look like. Their ages, and I consider the whys. What is the purpose a Guest, would be, my Guest. Is it that he or she also has Meniere's Disease and really, so truly just wishes to feel and know they are not the only ones on Earth Mother who suffers from this disease and it's symptoms, pre-attack triggers and or symptoms, the actual Meniere's vertigo attack it self, and then the post attack symptoms, consequences and issues. Life.
Dear Readers, I still get so truly happy to see that my Kindred One's still stop by, send e-mails, or leave a comment here. I am simply humbled to have you all as my Guests and Readers.
All of you who in your very busy and hectic lives, continue to bless my Spirit's who dwell here within this very simple man's heart. The reasons just don't matter to me, because for me, Mario, all I want is to make connections with Kind One's, here in a safe place. To talk, to cry, to be angry, and to celebrate small victories with someone when they happen from time to time. I make the talks for those of us who know what it's like to live every day of life with this disgusting disease Meniere's. My Path, includes several health issues, that affect my every day of my life. I suffer day and night from Neurological Pain and Neurological Issues. Pains in my body, that are from my scalp and skull, my neck, shoulders, and arms. Pains that live in my back where in my lower back some sort of mass lives. Pains that are here every where. There is asthma that takes my breathe from my lungs too often. I am a Survivor of Child Abuse, Incest, Sexual Abuse, Rape and am an advocate for those of us who have not been able to tell, for us who can't talk or scream or to even speak out about this horrendous, hideous crimes against children. These are fucking life altering incidents that has forever changed me as a boy, and affects forever every boy and girl ever subjected to this hell.
My Great Spirit, I say thank You. To each and every fellow Earth Mate, with all my heart, with all of my Spirit's and energy, I say thank you to you.
I think of that song by Darius Rucker, "praying to God he sees head lights". Well, I reckon I think and feel about the same as Mr. Rucker, because I pray the same for me and my fellow survivors.
Rock Me!
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
A Talk, My Temporary Last Will, And Moffitt Called
My Dearest Guest and Reader's,
There have been many twists in my life of bizarre health stomping these past two weeks plus two days. One on each side of this two week span of life happening. I have lived them every one, day by day and with as much motivation and letting go of rubbish as much as possible, at times with the controls of my Mother Ship in my hands, while other times I let go and let God. I know. Yes, I do know, but for now and again, please, I feel it my responsibility to be this involved with my Health Care at this time and at this time I am very okay with it. So then, I present some information to all live and in person, right now, on this 27th of February 201, I request permission to speak Ma'am...
... since Monday, 10 February, I have had two appointments with my professor, She-With-Many-Names at Tampa General Hospital with the University of South Florida in study. It was here too much sad drama happened on 10 Feb., here where I made amends, asked for forgiveness, and am back on an awesome path with She-With-Many-Names. It was here on the 20th day, I received a Botox procedure, and my dearest Kindred and Kin Folks, I had five syringes full of a mixture of Botox and other medicines. At 50 cc per syringe, I expected minor inconvenience and some fun while my dearest doctor injected and shot me all about my upper body, skull and scalp. All of which was included, blessings in our hearts and happiness on our faces. On the 11th of Feb., I had an appointment with my special audiologist Dr. Blanch, who is an absolute definition of what a true Audiologist is all about. I then had a fantastic face to face appointment with my Right Good Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. It was on then, my right good doctor injected my good-bad right ear hole/chamber and all with a syringe full of steroids and other medication. I've had two sessions with Sir Dude, my therapist, who I just so happen to have a gathering with today. Yes, I do look forward to our gathering. Please, I am a step from thinking I really need a visit with him. Seems as if the last visit was so long ago and then yet, we're averaging one visit per week then. These are good numbers and okay, these I felt have been necessary visits and sessions. It was just yesterday that I had my first appointment with my new doctor and more team members at Moffitt. Oh my, I am impressed with Moffitt Cancer Center. This is some business.
Relations, you see, I am one of many people who fell because of this Meniere's Disease. I have slid and I have slipped and I have fallen on this life time. Figuratively speaking as well as in fact with those descriptions. These and every incident of me falling looks to me as it has been captured live on-the-cameras called my eye orbs. This camera, figuratively speaking, lives in my skull and these video of my stuff was posted by an anonymous one and then one video got posted and then all of the videos went totally viral. You know, I'm not mad, right? This is me watching and witnessing my life from the outside looking in over and over and over again and this has all been so harsh. For so long. Yes, life happens and things happens in all my lives. So I get knocked down and I get up again. I get knocked down then I get up again. Etcetera, right?
Very recently, too many words were said around me that involved important folk in my life. These words were raw, and opened a dam of emotions that touched me to the core. Nerves got exposed, and you see, tough words plus emotions equal hard times in my life's simple journey. I quietly share that sometimes I withdraw and resort to old surviving mechanisms. Oh sure, I do. I look at the wide screen picture of things in life and what I might have to consider in life and my health is absolutely top priority. True also on how I might make a decision on how I could respond in word or not to any one incident or person. What I take note of here, was not me and or my words, but words of others and how this affected me in such harsh and negative ways. Since then, yes, good words have been spoken and in my heart and spirit's all is good. In life and on My Path, I would rather be kind, with all Folks all the time, but this is sometimes the kind of being that is not where I am at a particular time or place. It is not what is uttered by others, but their approach to me as a fellow human with boundaries that establishes the potential of a gathering of mind and spirit's. I am Deaf and Hard Of Hearing fellow. I do my absolute best to create an environment around me that is as peaceful and loving as possible. One thing that really hurts my emotions is how people assume shit. If one has a question, ask. It's so simple. I compose this communique to speak and share information above, which really is just a bit of sharing of life, and I proclaim that all I want to do is get on the good foot with my health. In this life, even during the years that I was had incest forced on me, I was sexually abused and raped by friends and family, even during all of that shit - all I really wanted to do was have a good and healthy life and got between perpetrators and my brothers and sisters. I lived with this philosophy as a youth then and still do now, as an adult all of these very many years later.
Oddly enough, it seems that I remember so clearly what happened to me and my life while working my very best job ever - over at Starbucks Coffee Company. Crystal clear I remember how it was that Meniere's Disease, steadily and so slowly took that life and life style away from me and really not only me but my beautiful wife and my beautiful and honorable daughter's. Which for me, as a Dad, hits me the hardest. I have always felt and believed that even if it's but a sack or two of super market product, as their Paw, I have always wanted to be in the position to be of any aid to my grown baby's. All of that was me and my life, my path, and so very much else from my life - was changed forever. My lives were changed. My dreams dashed, and I as a person, a Human Form was changed. Forever and ever and for ever.
At this instant, please, I would simply like to make clear that as long as I am of good ways and sound state of mind, I will continue to coordinate treatment plans with my professors and doctor's. At this time I do not require a translator or interpreter, all of which in this matter translates to the meaning that "I will speak and talk for myself on every and any medical, emotional, or psychological change. In the case of an emergency - when it is I am unable to speak, then it is my bride of thirty four years who shall speak and talk for me. We have had our talks. This is to be so. Any change or altering will be made by me alone. Then, it is to be known that I do not wish to be kept alive by mechanisms or machines of any type. I do say, I do not want to suffocate by any means. I know what suffocating feels like, so please, keep my breathe going until my brain has died. At this time my brain will be sent to the University of Miami's Brain Endowment Center. The remaining organs may be harvested at the University of South Florida for immediate distribution. These instruction's are on my Identifications and are for the record. My bride is aware of such as well and will proceed with this direction for my remains. My Soul and My Spirit's, have been and will be instructed further on what to do once we have met this junction in life. I would love to take the trip as Great Spirit wishes.
At this point in my life, all I want and I'll swear that all I want in this life is to become a healthier person. A Healthier Man. I miss listening to my steps on Mother Earths surface, please know and understand I have a burning desire to get back to Cherokee, North Carolina, the place of our Moms and our Kin Folk, and them who came before her mother's mother. I dream, I meditate and deeply consider the very place I want to be able to return to and breathe, and eat of fresh buffalo, enjoy the company of familiar faces, and our happy places we visit for what was year after year driving up to our Smokey Mountains. Walk bare feet on the very familiar paths. Those who came before us, created these Paths here on the earth of our Mother Earth. So rich and Red that it is as beautiful as a Florida Red Sun Set. Oh, My Heart and Spirit's! We wish to some day return, I require a Spiritual rebirth and transfusion that comes only from a fine walk about the woodlands there. Saying hello to the Little People who live in the forest like we did many generations ago - though not too so many generations if I think so. Yes, Oh Great Father, Yes! Please, bring us home soon, please?
NOTE: At 1706, yesterday, 26 Feb., Moffitt Cancer Center's scheduling department called. My new doctor and my new team are not available for procedure until 18 April 2014. I have been placed on an expedite list, per my request, but I am disappointed. I mean, did I really want to hurry up to get my stuff started just to have to bleeding wait for shits sake? Yes, en'it? Peace.
There have been many twists in my life of bizarre health stomping these past two weeks plus two days. One on each side of this two week span of life happening. I have lived them every one, day by day and with as much motivation and letting go of rubbish as much as possible, at times with the controls of my Mother Ship in my hands, while other times I let go and let God. I know. Yes, I do know, but for now and again, please, I feel it my responsibility to be this involved with my Health Care at this time and at this time I am very okay with it. So then, I present some information to all live and in person, right now, on this 27th of February 201, I request permission to speak Ma'am...
... since Monday, 10 February, I have had two appointments with my professor, She-With-Many-Names at Tampa General Hospital with the University of South Florida in study. It was here too much sad drama happened on 10 Feb., here where I made amends, asked for forgiveness, and am back on an awesome path with She-With-Many-Names. It was here on the 20th day, I received a Botox procedure, and my dearest Kindred and Kin Folks, I had five syringes full of a mixture of Botox and other medicines. At 50 cc per syringe, I expected minor inconvenience and some fun while my dearest doctor injected and shot me all about my upper body, skull and scalp. All of which was included, blessings in our hearts and happiness on our faces. On the 11th of Feb., I had an appointment with my special audiologist Dr. Blanch, who is an absolute definition of what a true Audiologist is all about. I then had a fantastic face to face appointment with my Right Good Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. It was on then, my right good doctor injected my good-bad right ear hole/chamber and all with a syringe full of steroids and other medication. I've had two sessions with Sir Dude, my therapist, who I just so happen to have a gathering with today. Yes, I do look forward to our gathering. Please, I am a step from thinking I really need a visit with him. Seems as if the last visit was so long ago and then yet, we're averaging one visit per week then. These are good numbers and okay, these I felt have been necessary visits and sessions. It was just yesterday that I had my first appointment with my new doctor and more team members at Moffitt. Oh my, I am impressed with Moffitt Cancer Center. This is some business.
Relations, you see, I am one of many people who fell because of this Meniere's Disease. I have slid and I have slipped and I have fallen on this life time. Figuratively speaking as well as in fact with those descriptions. These and every incident of me falling looks to me as it has been captured live on-the-cameras called my eye orbs. This camera, figuratively speaking, lives in my skull and these video of my stuff was posted by an anonymous one and then one video got posted and then all of the videos went totally viral. You know, I'm not mad, right? This is me watching and witnessing my life from the outside looking in over and over and over again and this has all been so harsh. For so long. Yes, life happens and things happens in all my lives. So I get knocked down and I get up again. I get knocked down then I get up again. Etcetera, right?
Very recently, too many words were said around me that involved important folk in my life. These words were raw, and opened a dam of emotions that touched me to the core. Nerves got exposed, and you see, tough words plus emotions equal hard times in my life's simple journey. I quietly share that sometimes I withdraw and resort to old surviving mechanisms. Oh sure, I do. I look at the wide screen picture of things in life and what I might have to consider in life and my health is absolutely top priority. True also on how I might make a decision on how I could respond in word or not to any one incident or person. What I take note of here, was not me and or my words, but words of others and how this affected me in such harsh and negative ways. Since then, yes, good words have been spoken and in my heart and spirit's all is good. In life and on My Path, I would rather be kind, with all Folks all the time, but this is sometimes the kind of being that is not where I am at a particular time or place. It is not what is uttered by others, but their approach to me as a fellow human with boundaries that establishes the potential of a gathering of mind and spirit's. I am Deaf and Hard Of Hearing fellow. I do my absolute best to create an environment around me that is as peaceful and loving as possible. One thing that really hurts my emotions is how people assume shit. If one has a question, ask. It's so simple. I compose this communique to speak and share information above, which really is just a bit of sharing of life, and I proclaim that all I want to do is get on the good foot with my health. In this life, even during the years that I was had incest forced on me, I was sexually abused and raped by friends and family, even during all of that shit - all I really wanted to do was have a good and healthy life and got between perpetrators and my brothers and sisters. I lived with this philosophy as a youth then and still do now, as an adult all of these very many years later.
Oddly enough, it seems that I remember so clearly what happened to me and my life while working my very best job ever - over at Starbucks Coffee Company. Crystal clear I remember how it was that Meniere's Disease, steadily and so slowly took that life and life style away from me and really not only me but my beautiful wife and my beautiful and honorable daughter's. Which for me, as a Dad, hits me the hardest. I have always felt and believed that even if it's but a sack or two of super market product, as their Paw, I have always wanted to be in the position to be of any aid to my grown baby's. All of that was me and my life, my path, and so very much else from my life - was changed forever. My lives were changed. My dreams dashed, and I as a person, a Human Form was changed. Forever and ever and for ever.
At this instant, please, I would simply like to make clear that as long as I am of good ways and sound state of mind, I will continue to coordinate treatment plans with my professors and doctor's. At this time I do not require a translator or interpreter, all of which in this matter translates to the meaning that "I will speak and talk for myself on every and any medical, emotional, or psychological change. In the case of an emergency - when it is I am unable to speak, then it is my bride of thirty four years who shall speak and talk for me. We have had our talks. This is to be so. Any change or altering will be made by me alone. Then, it is to be known that I do not wish to be kept alive by mechanisms or machines of any type. I do say, I do not want to suffocate by any means. I know what suffocating feels like, so please, keep my breathe going until my brain has died. At this time my brain will be sent to the University of Miami's Brain Endowment Center. The remaining organs may be harvested at the University of South Florida for immediate distribution. These instruction's are on my Identifications and are for the record. My bride is aware of such as well and will proceed with this direction for my remains. My Soul and My Spirit's, have been and will be instructed further on what to do once we have met this junction in life. I would love to take the trip as Great Spirit wishes.
At this point in my life, all I want and I'll swear that all I want in this life is to become a healthier person. A Healthier Man. I miss listening to my steps on Mother Earths surface, please know and understand I have a burning desire to get back to Cherokee, North Carolina, the place of our Moms and our Kin Folk, and them who came before her mother's mother. I dream, I meditate and deeply consider the very place I want to be able to return to and breathe, and eat of fresh buffalo, enjoy the company of familiar faces, and our happy places we visit for what was year after year driving up to our Smokey Mountains. Walk bare feet on the very familiar paths. Those who came before us, created these Paths here on the earth of our Mother Earth. So rich and Red that it is as beautiful as a Florida Red Sun Set. Oh, My Heart and Spirit's! We wish to some day return, I require a Spiritual rebirth and transfusion that comes only from a fine walk about the woodlands there. Saying hello to the Little People who live in the forest like we did many generations ago - though not too so many generations if I think so. Yes, Oh Great Father, Yes! Please, bring us home soon, please?
NOTE: At 1706, yesterday, 26 Feb., Moffitt Cancer Center's scheduling department called. My new doctor and my new team are not available for procedure until 18 April 2014. I have been placed on an expedite list, per my request, but I am disappointed. I mean, did I really want to hurry up to get my stuff started just to have to bleeding wait for shits sake? Yes, en'it? Peace.
Monday, February 24, 2014
A Meniere's Attack, 21 Feb. 14, In Review
Relations,
I slept Monday away. With the exception of an hour or two here or and there. Perhaps a few minutes too. The Meniere's induced sleep is a sleep that is almost coma like for me, I can't help it, so I let go, and I slept Saturday and Sunday, better than twenty hours per day, that's over sixty hours since Friday evening when it was time to slumber.
Yes, it was Meniere's and it's vertigo attacks, 21 February. The squiggly eyes I believe were the triggers. The fogs moved in and I managed to gather something out of whatever time I am living during these periods. Squiggly eye's are exactly what and how it sounds. My vision has been in a bad way over the same period of time. I am dizzy from the time I get up - to the time I sleep and then there are times when I have been stirred by the dizziness in my sleep. I am dizzy now. Dizzy times infinity times infinity, just this side worse than tipsy and it has me sweating hours at a time. I'm a Man and all but shit, I don't know of anybody who wants to sweat twenty four seven. I am wearing t-shirt number three and it is 1700 over here across the pond. It's warm out of doors, so we have the air conditioning blowing a cool seventy-seven in the lodge. I have been and am nauseated, I tend to carry this constant gag and ways, but damn it, to walk in a nausea wishing to vomit only to curse the vomit when I do pass whatever contents are in my tummy. More often than not it is the medicinal cocktail that I take in the morning. And I take during the day and then I take my at bed time pills and capsules and tablets.
The sleep and slumbers were often interrupted by the pains in my body. Especially my neck, shoulders, arms, my back and stabbing wounds in my lower left lung. There are times when a pain wakes me that I simply turn over, moan and groan for a minute or few, then I slip back to sleep and my Dream World.
Hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and blame it on my PTSD.
Introducing, Moffitt Cancer Center
Dearest Relations,
On the morrow at 0730 sharp, I will be meeting with a new doctor and a brand new staff to add to my Teams. I will also be observing the functioning of Moffitt Cancer Center here in Tampa, at the University of South Florida. This here, latest application to the Secret Service on my lap, truly is just about complete. Almost, better that 80%, maybe. These new patient forms become frustrating for me. I mean, we're all so connected. I reckon all hospitals could be hooked up too. They're not.
My Professor at the Neurology and Neurological Pain Center at Tampa General Hospital incorporation with the university has referred me to Moffitt Cancer Center for two reasons that pertain to my health. The morrow is really just a meet and greet. I speculate.
That being said, I am on the verge of tipping over. Physically - so that I may have a tantrum. Okay?! For Fuck Sake, I have felt this feeling before inside and I have screamed like this and with copious amounts of profanity that make a truck driver blush, and the fucking driver friend of mine is, well, a Lesbian! She sitting here with her Levi's 501's on and her Levi's plaid work shirt pulled up to make cuffs around her well formed arms, shows off her well form hands! And I told her, "What a lovely fucking tattoo', that says "Fuck You!", under a tattoo that said "Mom" in big red puffy lettering with all of those fucking valentine red hearts floating by with little arrows sticking out from them and then those little red drops of blood that trail down her arm an inch or few. So really, no. No cursing and or cussing. I really don't say bad words, you fucking know?. I'm a good Boy and have no real purpose using shitty language in my work on my better health and them fucking other matters that provide me an awesome avenue with which to use for letting some of this bull shit loose. I cough profanity and spit out the damned sputum. I mean really. I have heard the supposed best and fucking most of my fellow Christian's, cuss and curse for fucks sake. Then play Little Angel and talk in Godly manners. and so if the preacher man cusses and his followers cuss and use racial epitaph's then what the fuck is really going on?
I rage. Please don't notice.
The two areas of focus will be my cervical spin and my lower lumbar which has housed some sort of "mass" without paying rent. So, here we go with more tests, more examinations and more of them tubes that I am absolutely horrified of. More forms too. Many talks with different folks. I envision many trips on my Little Blue Bus's. So yes, I see where I will be doing much business here at Moffitt Cancer Center. I will, as time comes and goes, keep my dearest Relations informed.
Maybe, from time to time a little rage, eh?
This here health matter, compounds all that is going on into a big mess at this moment. I hope and pray, come morrow after our meet and greet, I'll have my focus on and share with better ideas of what is going on.
I'm raging inside. No body noticed. Love all you all!
On the morrow at 0730 sharp, I will be meeting with a new doctor and a brand new staff to add to my Teams. I will also be observing the functioning of Moffitt Cancer Center here in Tampa, at the University of South Florida. This here, latest application to the Secret Service on my lap, truly is just about complete. Almost, better that 80%, maybe. These new patient forms become frustrating for me. I mean, we're all so connected. I reckon all hospitals could be hooked up too. They're not.
My Professor at the Neurology and Neurological Pain Center at Tampa General Hospital incorporation with the university has referred me to Moffitt Cancer Center for two reasons that pertain to my health. The morrow is really just a meet and greet. I speculate.
That being said, I am on the verge of tipping over. Physically - so that I may have a tantrum. Okay?! For Fuck Sake, I have felt this feeling before inside and I have screamed like this and with copious amounts of profanity that make a truck driver blush, and the fucking driver friend of mine is, well, a Lesbian! She sitting here with her Levi's 501's on and her Levi's plaid work shirt pulled up to make cuffs around her well formed arms, shows off her well form hands! And I told her, "What a lovely fucking tattoo', that says "Fuck You!", under a tattoo that said "Mom" in big red puffy lettering with all of those fucking valentine red hearts floating by with little arrows sticking out from them and then those little red drops of blood that trail down her arm an inch or few. So really, no. No cursing and or cussing. I really don't say bad words, you fucking know?. I'm a good Boy and have no real purpose using shitty language in my work on my better health and them fucking other matters that provide me an awesome avenue with which to use for letting some of this bull shit loose. I cough profanity and spit out the damned sputum. I mean really. I have heard the supposed best and fucking most of my fellow Christian's, cuss and curse for fucks sake. Then play Little Angel and talk in Godly manners. and so if the preacher man cusses and his followers cuss and use racial epitaph's then what the fuck is really going on?
I rage. Please don't notice.
The two areas of focus will be my cervical spin and my lower lumbar which has housed some sort of "mass" without paying rent. So, here we go with more tests, more examinations and more of them tubes that I am absolutely horrified of. More forms too. Many talks with different folks. I envision many trips on my Little Blue Bus's. So yes, I see where I will be doing much business here at Moffitt Cancer Center. I will, as time comes and goes, keep my dearest Relations informed.
Maybe, from time to time a little rage, eh?
This here health matter, compounds all that is going on into a big mess at this moment. I hope and pray, come morrow after our meet and greet, I'll have my focus on and share with better ideas of what is going on.
I'm raging inside. No body noticed. Love all you all!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Forever In Flux, Meniere's and I
Hello and Welcome Kindred Ones,
This evening, I am eager and am appreciative of your visit, as I prepare for sharing multiple situations going on in my day to day life style. I feel as if I must and have too, as I feel that I must some how get myself back into a relationship Kin Folk, get back in touch with my computer and reunite with my blog here, "Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path". Time comes and goes. Like I have had family and friends come and go. I have attack after attack of Meniere's Disease, it's symptoms, and consequences. I deal with and attempt to adjust to every symptom of this damned Meniere's Disease. Meniere's Disease, is so damned much more than the name of who established there was this disease of the inner ears, My God, Meniere's is a life altering, invisible disease that takes a hold of my life like a wash cloth and wrings me out often. These symptoms I have spoken of and what I have shared of what is happening with me and every part of my body, mind and life. Over the past couple years or so, my eye balls wiggle-wiggle sometimes. I have shared this with doctor, he has informed me it is part of the Meniere's. I know very well my vision is going worse and i am afraid. I know damned well, there will soon be an eye doctor picking and probing my eye orbs before long. Just as sure as I believe my mind and spirits are prepared to hear my doctor say to me again that my vision issues are Meniere's Disease related. My eye orbs tell me this. And this dizzy spell I have been dealing with since afternoon is driving me mad.
My therapist, Sir. Dude and I, had an awesome session this past Monday, the 17th of February. He had an excellent idea of what we would be speaking of, because I have been keeping seriously in touch with him since Monday the tenth day of February. There may have been an additional piece or two of news, but my therapist was prepared. I did spend a good fifty percent of my time in session, I consider that was time well spent. I think Sir. Dude did too. He just let me go.
Wait! Wait, I have a new symptom to report. One that I have not shared with any of my doctors, but will do so come this Monday coming. Last night as I laid in bed waiting for my dear wife to complete her shower I heard a loud cicada paying it no mind at first, but then this cicada got louder and louder. I was listening to this sound with my right ear and for several minutes truly thought this insect was out side my window. I shook my head back and forth and it was getting so loud it began to hurt. Folks, this sound became so loud that it became unbearable. The very loud sound of the cicada got worse and I closed my right hard of hearing ear with my finger, to no avail. The sound of this cicada was coming from within my right hard of hearing ear. Oh, My God, it was so loud. I honestly can not explain or express what it was I experienced, it was that much an anomaly. Never, ever had I had this happen before and oh please, never again.
Tonight, as I sit here, in our air conditioned, cool lodge, my deaf left ear is sending out urgent Mores Code messages. Clear as day with a series of beeps after series of beeps, again and again, and in steady cadence. I hear them and can clearly listen to the way the sender would tap-tap-tap-tap on the ancient piece of telecommunications. It was ten days ago, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, injected steroids into this right ear of mine.
This ten days has had me having to take things very seriously, like a manager calling in his Team from the field, it was absolutely necessary I take inventory and take nothing for granted. My Business, has always been about My Teams, my team mates and my very own "Better Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Health Plan", is my business for real. I realize I must take things seriously and I convey to each member of my team every decision I make. These are my Team Mate. These are the very Folk who work so hard for my health and my life! Everything that happens to me, every procedure and every pill and every injection, sticks to my patient history. What and when it comes to my Patient History and Physical, all data that is attached is to represent me and be thorough with every thing the professional documents and is expected to document clear as crystal, perfect in every medical environment and inspection. Considering I have been ill for such a lengthy amount of time, and times which included different illnesses with different approaches as the times have had it and the surgery's that come and go. It is with every respect of the word focused, and it is even more so necessary for me to become fully focused on my present state of health. I am humbled by them on my taems and wish to thank every one of them.
As a patient and as a real fellow Earth Mate, I adjust and am ever adjusting my ways, my being me, Mario. Every time my path is in need of an adjustment, I know who to call and or where to go. My One God and I, are prepared to open myself up raw, to let loose energies that have been imposed and inflected upon me by others. I sit here with my mind and heart symbolically wide opened for all to see and or read. I am very truly prepared to share where I am at, at this point of my life and time's. The energy is good tonight. The time of night even seems and feels right. The rains continue and come and go as the sky has shed tears all day long. I spoke and I speak with my God here. This is where I stand atop the tallest mountain in my mind and scream at the top of my voice when I am at me wits end. When I scream out for real, I scream out loud but no and no one hears me. Though there are times when I do scream cry into my pillow. I forgot. So now, I scream silently out loud to Jesus when I say my prayers to my God. Sometimes when I speak with God, it's just like when I speak with you Jimmy, or I say prayers anytime and anyplace I wish to say my prayers. I believe it is in the blood, my mixed blooded ways. I have learned many ways to speak with my God. I learned to listen long time ago but forget to remember sometimes. I have even talked over the telephone with my God. I say, please give it a try it. It's very Catholic. It's very cathartic. Over my many years, I have learned to follow the season's and have respect for each season as it comes and goes. It is much easier than getting all worked up and anxious about a date, or next year or next month I let the seasons come and go now, it's the seasons that have taught me to talk and listen to the birds and the wind. I think that sometimes, them are more important than the words of people talk.
Today, I am here, alive and am blessed. My wife is in our nest and I know that all three hounds are there with her. I have learned that Botswana is much more than a wife or bride to me any more. She's really the very most important thing in my life. The love I have for her is something that is God sent, and I was blessed to marry such a strong bull headed Woman. My Dear Great One, I just don't know what I would do with out her in my life. We've grown up together, oh my dear sweetest bride! How I love you! Sitting right here at one of my safe places, I feel as if I am inside a big invisible cube with Great Spirit here with me. I see myself sitting here, many of those who passed before me are here with me and I am fine. You see Folks, I am here today and in a very special space for me. I feel liberated and feel as if God, has let me test drive a pair of wings. I'm in a place of major life altering and living, and I am in a steady flux. Such flux it surrounds me, and I'm not scared to be here speaking and connecting with my readers. Great Spirit's Voice is here near, and I am the fortunate one to be in such a fortuitous flow of flux. Where it is an abundance of blessings have been brought to me via God's Will. I know this you see?
There is pain that has established itself on my scalp and skull behind my right hard of hearing ear and the surrounding area outwards about two or three inches in diameter. If I had a magic marker I could draw a circle around this area where the pains are so bad sometimes it feels as if I have been beaned by a softball pitch and severely bruised. All other times this area is bruised in a feeling. I have gotten strong gripping pain behind my ear here. The type of pain that makes life and I stop whatever it is I am doing. The type of pain that stops me in the super market type pain. It has happened before while out. What can I do, my friend? I just stand there and try so hard to not look as if I am in pain. I don't want to trouble any one person. This is the ear hole that I received the procedure of injection of steroids. It is so hard to share that the injection was for not.
At this instance, there are pains in my neck and scalp that are hurting me at a very strong seven, very close to an eight. This is the same pain that has wakened me at night from a deep sleep. Kind One, I have taken my pills, my medicine as prescribed, and ordered, and I remain in pain. I bashed myself in the head leaving my lavatory last night and I also fell over forward this morning while lifting myself up from a sitting position. Folks, that damned sudden fear of falling takes my breathe away! It's so very much like tiny little heart attacks each and every time I tumble, trip and or fall.
I will stop. There are other communiques that await my visual. So I say Caio, caio, for now.
This evening, I am eager and am appreciative of your visit, as I prepare for sharing multiple situations going on in my day to day life style. I feel as if I must and have too, as I feel that I must some how get myself back into a relationship Kin Folk, get back in touch with my computer and reunite with my blog here, "Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path". Time comes and goes. Like I have had family and friends come and go. I have attack after attack of Meniere's Disease, it's symptoms, and consequences. I deal with and attempt to adjust to every symptom of this damned Meniere's Disease. Meniere's Disease, is so damned much more than the name of who established there was this disease of the inner ears, My God, Meniere's is a life altering, invisible disease that takes a hold of my life like a wash cloth and wrings me out often. These symptoms I have spoken of and what I have shared of what is happening with me and every part of my body, mind and life. Over the past couple years or so, my eye balls wiggle-wiggle sometimes. I have shared this with doctor, he has informed me it is part of the Meniere's. I know very well my vision is going worse and i am afraid. I know damned well, there will soon be an eye doctor picking and probing my eye orbs before long. Just as sure as I believe my mind and spirits are prepared to hear my doctor say to me again that my vision issues are Meniere's Disease related. My eye orbs tell me this. And this dizzy spell I have been dealing with since afternoon is driving me mad.
My therapist, Sir. Dude and I, had an awesome session this past Monday, the 17th of February. He had an excellent idea of what we would be speaking of, because I have been keeping seriously in touch with him since Monday the tenth day of February. There may have been an additional piece or two of news, but my therapist was prepared. I did spend a good fifty percent of my time in session, I consider that was time well spent. I think Sir. Dude did too. He just let me go.
Wait! Wait, I have a new symptom to report. One that I have not shared with any of my doctors, but will do so come this Monday coming. Last night as I laid in bed waiting for my dear wife to complete her shower I heard a loud cicada paying it no mind at first, but then this cicada got louder and louder. I was listening to this sound with my right ear and for several minutes truly thought this insect was out side my window. I shook my head back and forth and it was getting so loud it began to hurt. Folks, this sound became so loud that it became unbearable. The very loud sound of the cicada got worse and I closed my right hard of hearing ear with my finger, to no avail. The sound of this cicada was coming from within my right hard of hearing ear. Oh, My God, it was so loud. I honestly can not explain or express what it was I experienced, it was that much an anomaly. Never, ever had I had this happen before and oh please, never again.
Tonight, as I sit here, in our air conditioned, cool lodge, my deaf left ear is sending out urgent Mores Code messages. Clear as day with a series of beeps after series of beeps, again and again, and in steady cadence. I hear them and can clearly listen to the way the sender would tap-tap-tap-tap on the ancient piece of telecommunications. It was ten days ago, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, injected steroids into this right ear of mine.
This ten days has had me having to take things very seriously, like a manager calling in his Team from the field, it was absolutely necessary I take inventory and take nothing for granted. My Business, has always been about My Teams, my team mates and my very own "Better Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Health Plan", is my business for real. I realize I must take things seriously and I convey to each member of my team every decision I make. These are my Team Mate. These are the very Folk who work so hard for my health and my life! Everything that happens to me, every procedure and every pill and every injection, sticks to my patient history. What and when it comes to my Patient History and Physical, all data that is attached is to represent me and be thorough with every thing the professional documents and is expected to document clear as crystal, perfect in every medical environment and inspection. Considering I have been ill for such a lengthy amount of time, and times which included different illnesses with different approaches as the times have had it and the surgery's that come and go. It is with every respect of the word focused, and it is even more so necessary for me to become fully focused on my present state of health. I am humbled by them on my taems and wish to thank every one of them.
As a patient and as a real fellow Earth Mate, I adjust and am ever adjusting my ways, my being me, Mario. Every time my path is in need of an adjustment, I know who to call and or where to go. My One God and I, are prepared to open myself up raw, to let loose energies that have been imposed and inflected upon me by others. I sit here with my mind and heart symbolically wide opened for all to see and or read. I am very truly prepared to share where I am at, at this point of my life and time's. The energy is good tonight. The time of night even seems and feels right. The rains continue and come and go as the sky has shed tears all day long. I spoke and I speak with my God here. This is where I stand atop the tallest mountain in my mind and scream at the top of my voice when I am at me wits end. When I scream out for real, I scream out loud but no and no one hears me. Though there are times when I do scream cry into my pillow. I forgot. So now, I scream silently out loud to Jesus when I say my prayers to my God. Sometimes when I speak with God, it's just like when I speak with you Jimmy, or I say prayers anytime and anyplace I wish to say my prayers. I believe it is in the blood, my mixed blooded ways. I have learned many ways to speak with my God. I learned to listen long time ago but forget to remember sometimes. I have even talked over the telephone with my God. I say, please give it a try it. It's very Catholic. It's very cathartic. Over my many years, I have learned to follow the season's and have respect for each season as it comes and goes. It is much easier than getting all worked up and anxious about a date, or next year or next month I let the seasons come and go now, it's the seasons that have taught me to talk and listen to the birds and the wind. I think that sometimes, them are more important than the words of people talk.
Today, I am here, alive and am blessed. My wife is in our nest and I know that all three hounds are there with her. I have learned that Botswana is much more than a wife or bride to me any more. She's really the very most important thing in my life. The love I have for her is something that is God sent, and I was blessed to marry such a strong bull headed Woman. My Dear Great One, I just don't know what I would do with out her in my life. We've grown up together, oh my dear sweetest bride! How I love you! Sitting right here at one of my safe places, I feel as if I am inside a big invisible cube with Great Spirit here with me. I see myself sitting here, many of those who passed before me are here with me and I am fine. You see Folks, I am here today and in a very special space for me. I feel liberated and feel as if God, has let me test drive a pair of wings. I'm in a place of major life altering and living, and I am in a steady flux. Such flux it surrounds me, and I'm not scared to be here speaking and connecting with my readers. Great Spirit's Voice is here near, and I am the fortunate one to be in such a fortuitous flow of flux. Where it is an abundance of blessings have been brought to me via God's Will. I know this you see?
There is pain that has established itself on my scalp and skull behind my right hard of hearing ear and the surrounding area outwards about two or three inches in diameter. If I had a magic marker I could draw a circle around this area where the pains are so bad sometimes it feels as if I have been beaned by a softball pitch and severely bruised. All other times this area is bruised in a feeling. I have gotten strong gripping pain behind my ear here. The type of pain that makes life and I stop whatever it is I am doing. The type of pain that stops me in the super market type pain. It has happened before while out. What can I do, my friend? I just stand there and try so hard to not look as if I am in pain. I don't want to trouble any one person. This is the ear hole that I received the procedure of injection of steroids. It is so hard to share that the injection was for not.
At this instance, there are pains in my neck and scalp that are hurting me at a very strong seven, very close to an eight. This is the same pain that has wakened me at night from a deep sleep. Kind One, I have taken my pills, my medicine as prescribed, and ordered, and I remain in pain. I bashed myself in the head leaving my lavatory last night and I also fell over forward this morning while lifting myself up from a sitting position. Folks, that damned sudden fear of falling takes my breathe away! It's so very much like tiny little heart attacks each and every time I tumble, trip and or fall.
I will stop. There are other communiques that await my visual. So I say Caio, caio, for now.
Fog I've Walked In, Pain And,
Greetings to All Guests,
I have to stop this fog so thick that I have had to squint as I walked my path the past two weeks or so, the past month? All I can say is that I have prepared or maybe have a ill prepared communiques here in the blogs of my library. There has been so much confusion, so much mixed emotions that I can best sum it up by using a new term for me that describes exactly what it is I feel when I become, Mario, The Zombie-Who-Doesn't-Eat-Brains. When I am so full of full blown Smokey Mountain Fog and fogged, messed up so bad there were times I was hearing what I wasn't hearing. Meaning I would be listening to someone talk and misunderstand them so bad, I heard a totally different comment or two. I have been and was so confused I simply didn't know which way to go. For a spell, which way was up. There has been so much to say, so much to share that I have let days and days pass me by without connecting with any body about the going's on in my life. I did keep in touch with a very small intimate group of Kin, and I maintained contact with my therapist Sir. Dude. Friends, yes my eyes have shed way too many tears, maybe way too much tears from these brown/hazel eyes of mine. Don't know if I've ever shared this but, my left eye works differently than my right eye. It cries differently, when this eye tears up, I'm too surly sad. Now that It passes threw, It's like since the operations on my scalp, skull, my-move-the-brain, so many snips and cuts, the slit the ears, left and right, fold it over for a snit-it. There was drilling, which would have been for my BAHA, the sawing and cutting and going's on created a sack of stuff in here that ended up fouling and intercepting the passes from one nerve to another.
The majority of operations and procedures have been conducted on the left side of my face/head/scalp/skull and like that too. I had one or two one the right side, but Hanna, I know that it was my nerves, veins, and all that is neurology got all mixed up and all criss-crossed in the healing process. It's clear to me and it is this quite thick, hard ass skull of mine that has created so many an issue. Oh please, you don't know how many times I have considered my dear doctors place to be when it came time to doing what he had to do with my scalp and skull. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, was so very impressed with the thickness and difficulty in cutting threw my hard head. "The thickest he's ever had", my doctor shared. I am the victor!
So yes, I see something a bit clearer today, I see that this healing process is still going on. So yeah, , I realized just recently really, while on the telephone with Great Spirit, that there could be a scenario where what I have now is a best case scenario. Now? Then, in my head and what lays between these two ears of mine, I have plans and I have dreams and hopes and then.
So then, I must doubt with every cell within me, that creates me, there is better than what I live now! There must be! Folks, I'm just too young to understand that this can just be 'it'. Shit, there's work to be done! My Team and I, have work to get done this year 2014. I am hopeful and prayerful that we will have an awesome, successful and healing 2014.
I'm stopping here. I do want to take a look at what I have been writing during this ole goats dreadful mind block. Created by a fog that had zero visibility. The damned pain's and diseases that have created this thick damned fog day after day in my thick brick/block skull. My great day, let me loose and get to work. Caio!
I have to stop this fog so thick that I have had to squint as I walked my path the past two weeks or so, the past month? All I can say is that I have prepared or maybe have a ill prepared communiques here in the blogs of my library. There has been so much confusion, so much mixed emotions that I can best sum it up by using a new term for me that describes exactly what it is I feel when I become, Mario, The Zombie-Who-Doesn't-Eat-Brains. When I am so full of full blown Smokey Mountain Fog and fogged, messed up so bad there were times I was hearing what I wasn't hearing. Meaning I would be listening to someone talk and misunderstand them so bad, I heard a totally different comment or two. I have been and was so confused I simply didn't know which way to go. For a spell, which way was up. There has been so much to say, so much to share that I have let days and days pass me by without connecting with any body about the going's on in my life. I did keep in touch with a very small intimate group of Kin, and I maintained contact with my therapist Sir. Dude. Friends, yes my eyes have shed way too many tears, maybe way too much tears from these brown/hazel eyes of mine. Don't know if I've ever shared this but, my left eye works differently than my right eye. It cries differently, when this eye tears up, I'm too surly sad. Now that It passes threw, It's like since the operations on my scalp, skull, my-move-the-brain, so many snips and cuts, the slit the ears, left and right, fold it over for a snit-it. There was drilling, which would have been for my BAHA, the sawing and cutting and going's on created a sack of stuff in here that ended up fouling and intercepting the passes from one nerve to another.
The majority of operations and procedures have been conducted on the left side of my face/head/scalp/skull and like that too. I had one or two one the right side, but Hanna, I know that it was my nerves, veins, and all that is neurology got all mixed up and all criss-crossed in the healing process. It's clear to me and it is this quite thick, hard ass skull of mine that has created so many an issue. Oh please, you don't know how many times I have considered my dear doctors place to be when it came time to doing what he had to do with my scalp and skull. He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, was so very impressed with the thickness and difficulty in cutting threw my hard head. "The thickest he's ever had", my doctor shared. I am the victor!
So yes, I see something a bit clearer today, I see that this healing process is still going on. So yeah, , I realized just recently really, while on the telephone with Great Spirit, that there could be a scenario where what I have now is a best case scenario. Now? Then, in my head and what lays between these two ears of mine, I have plans and I have dreams and hopes and then.
So then, I must doubt with every cell within me, that creates me, there is better than what I live now! There must be! Folks, I'm just too young to understand that this can just be 'it'. Shit, there's work to be done! My Team and I, have work to get done this year 2014. I am hopeful and prayerful that we will have an awesome, successful and healing 2014.
I'm stopping here. I do want to take a look at what I have been writing during this ole goats dreadful mind block. Created by a fog that had zero visibility. The damned pain's and diseases that have created this thick damned fog day after day in my thick brick/block skull. My great day, let me loose and get to work. Caio!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Happy 34th Anniversary My Bride! Thanks Ei-Ball!
Happy 34th Anniversary My Sweet Bride!
Tonight, I did battle pains in my neck and back, and my left deaf ear was sending out emergency signals to somewhere unknown, but I was celebrating my anniversary to my babe! Oh, I had me hurting and pained and necessary to wish for my medications because I had forgotten my pill box at home, but I made sure though to keep a smile on my face while my bride, my youngest daughter and I went to celebrate, our 34th anniversary of marriage. We went to the place where olives grow in their garden and oh my, what an awesome meal. Synchronicity tagged along to have me reunite with a friend in person, who I just days ago was reunited with on the Face Book. It was awesome seeing you young Q. and your beautiful family. What blessings to have crossed paths.
While getting dressed to step out, I found myself going over some wonderfully fond memories of that day back in Davie, Florida, thirty four years ago 16 Feb. 1980. She wore a beautiful white wedding gown, with lace veil and a train that looked like it was so long and she looked like the very beautiful princess I had chased since adolescence. So beautiful I cried, so beautiful my Best Man cried too. He, who is still one of my very best Life Long Friends and I wore awesome White Tuxes with white lace that had a splash of pink at the edge of the lace. We were married next to fountains and pea cocks and huge old oaks and it was such a gorgeous day.
A dear friend named Ei-Ball, had gotten us reunited after a brief separation while I was stationed in West Germany, back during the Cold War. It was very shortly after my return, my Earth Angel and I crossed paths in the neighborhood I was raised in as a teen. Her and Botswana had been friends since childhood and we three attended the same High school for a while. Well, as one might imagine, I asked my dear friend Ei-Ball, to please get in touch with Brenda, to let her know I was home and that I wanted to see her. Her parents were fantastic blockers and I was having no success getting through to her with them. As it was, way before I even familiarized myself with it, synchronicity took care of the rest. Reunited in July 1979 - married 1980.
So, my Earth Angel, became our Earth Angel and she was Botswana's Best Woman. She wore a beautiful lace and flowing red dress and sported an extraordinary wide brim bonnet. I still to this very day thank my dearest friend and most beloved Earth Angel. Wow. Here we are thirty four years along, and I love her more today than ever in my life. She still here with this goof ball who is now a wee bit gimpy, but My Great Spirit, knows and I know that I am married to a Warrior princess and I love having her as my bride. My Sweet Heart. My Lover. My best friend. All of these years she has stood by me through thick and thin, and she has fought along side me for our rights and the rights of others. We have two beautiful grown daughters, so wise and gorgeous people. Also happen to be two grown ass women who I love more than life. They too have walked with their ma and pa for our rights and the rights of others. I have been blessed and know it. I thank you God, for my wife, my family and these past thirty four years of life.
Babe, Happy 34th Anniversary!!
Love, Mario
Tonight, I did battle pains in my neck and back, and my left deaf ear was sending out emergency signals to somewhere unknown, but I was celebrating my anniversary to my babe! Oh, I had me hurting and pained and necessary to wish for my medications because I had forgotten my pill box at home, but I made sure though to keep a smile on my face while my bride, my youngest daughter and I went to celebrate, our 34th anniversary of marriage. We went to the place where olives grow in their garden and oh my, what an awesome meal. Synchronicity tagged along to have me reunite with a friend in person, who I just days ago was reunited with on the Face Book. It was awesome seeing you young Q. and your beautiful family. What blessings to have crossed paths.
While getting dressed to step out, I found myself going over some wonderfully fond memories of that day back in Davie, Florida, thirty four years ago 16 Feb. 1980. She wore a beautiful white wedding gown, with lace veil and a train that looked like it was so long and she looked like the very beautiful princess I had chased since adolescence. So beautiful I cried, so beautiful my Best Man cried too. He, who is still one of my very best Life Long Friends and I wore awesome White Tuxes with white lace that had a splash of pink at the edge of the lace. We were married next to fountains and pea cocks and huge old oaks and it was such a gorgeous day.
A dear friend named Ei-Ball, had gotten us reunited after a brief separation while I was stationed in West Germany, back during the Cold War. It was very shortly after my return, my Earth Angel and I crossed paths in the neighborhood I was raised in as a teen. Her and Botswana had been friends since childhood and we three attended the same High school for a while. Well, as one might imagine, I asked my dear friend Ei-Ball, to please get in touch with Brenda, to let her know I was home and that I wanted to see her. Her parents were fantastic blockers and I was having no success getting through to her with them. As it was, way before I even familiarized myself with it, synchronicity took care of the rest. Reunited in July 1979 - married 1980.
So, my Earth Angel, became our Earth Angel and she was Botswana's Best Woman. She wore a beautiful lace and flowing red dress and sported an extraordinary wide brim bonnet. I still to this very day thank my dearest friend and most beloved Earth Angel. Wow. Here we are thirty four years along, and I love her more today than ever in my life. She still here with this goof ball who is now a wee bit gimpy, but My Great Spirit, knows and I know that I am married to a Warrior princess and I love having her as my bride. My Sweet Heart. My Lover. My best friend. All of these years she has stood by me through thick and thin, and she has fought along side me for our rights and the rights of others. We have two beautiful grown daughters, so wise and gorgeous people. Also happen to be two grown ass women who I love more than life. They too have walked with their ma and pa for our rights and the rights of others. I have been blessed and know it. I thank you God, for my wife, my family and these past thirty four years of life.
Babe, Happy 34th Anniversary!!
Love, Mario
La Vie En Flux
Relations,
There is something odd going on with my computer, my goggle account, and my blog.
As are my mind, body, and Spirit's.
I have attempted to change certain things in my computer and have attempted to save these changes, but they will sometime revert to the old format. I do like my new look and so wish that this can be made so. The changes will provide a different eye feel, I believe for our guests. Then really, I've had the same format from the very beginning, way back in 2010. For Pete's sake, we're already in the middle of February, The Year Of Our Lord, 2014.
I would like to provide my Guests and Readers, a new spot to hang out for a spell. Yes-yes, same spot, you know, but to have a new look, see and read my words with a bit of a difference. Not only in scene and but in my words, I strive. Someday I would love to have music attached, just for the in case, a reader might appreciate checking in to see what types of music I listen to and enjoy. As a music enthusiast who enjoys many different genre, I enjoy sharing the types of music I enjoy having as a part of my life. My Life's Sound Track's.
This evening, I wish to share this communique informing Kin Folk and Kindred, I have been traveling along this week with much uncertainty. I will share and say as we move along with my tip tapping tonight, the events of this past week that have brought insight for me. In realization, I have been enlightened and so enlightened on multiple subjects. Such synchronicity confounds me. It is as if my mind, manners and ways of being came to a brief stand still and we all had a quick urgent meeting of all that is between these two ears of mine. Synchronicity has no doubt played it's roll in this current path of life. I am humbled and consider these gifts and blessings.
Relations, I am walking with the fear of very much change in the pulse of my heart. No, this is not an exaggeration, it's truth. This past week was choke full of life and activity. I say that so much happened and happened in such a way that I can see so clearly that I am in a cloud of synchronicity. When these come around, I tend to jump on and go for hanging ten. Sure, a Surfer Dude Term, but you see, I have this picture I paint in my mind of me 'riding the wave' when stuff gets hectic, or when things go shitty, stuff like that. I feel this in my lungs as I breathe and exhale, taking in each breathe as deeply as I can without my emergency inhaler. Not being able to breath sucks and is a life changing trip of an experience. Yes, Ma'am, I know.
But anyways, as a fellow Earth Being, a fellow Creature of Mother Earth, I feel, smell, and hear the tides change. Our fellow Earth Creatures, such as our cousins with wings, the four legged ones, and the swimmers are telling us in loud voices we are at the point of no return. Decisions must be made and must be made now. Our Mother screams at us for help and brothers, sister's, we let our World become a toxic place for millions of us today - imagine then, what Mother Earth will look like in fifty or one hundred years from now. Should we not unite now, Mother Earth will die.
Guests and Readers, there are many things within me that are oddly active and in action. My thought processes about my health, relationships, love and life. At this point in my journey here, as a fifty four year old middle age mixed breed, I want this to be the point of no return. Like there's really no damned turning back now, my friends. Forward I go.
My Path, My Life, has brought me here and placed me in several areas of being within a very short period of time. In Spirit, my body, my health, my mind, I prepare for life changes that has gifts of experience and knowledge. Life Lesson's, is what I call them. I am permitting myself time and have soaked in much prayer, consideration, ceremony and all of whatever gifts of knowledge may come my way. I promise myself to be 'with it' within me. To be present! That is what I have fought the cells for! I am giving myself permission to be present in everything and anything in all my life. All as part of feeling and working with what are life's experience's may bring. I will with purpose and intention work myself into this pace of a good walk on my path, and will walk with this purpose and intention. These decisions that have come as a part of my life's going's on, are what I want to permit myself is expansion. To expand and open my mind and heart when it comes to communications and change. To be available, more forthcoming, and welcoming of change. Rather than fear change as I have my entire life.
Whether it be as simple as something related to my computer, or as important as me having to ask for help. I mean, that's a tough subject for me right there. Changes in and of my life - today are of these types of change. Are the ones that have so often terrified me to the bone in life. Right now, and really, I could say since Monday, 10 Feb., there has been big battles going on within because I want to proceed full speed ahead. How certain or sure am I? I say right now, near the level of high intensity. I'm afraid, to the level of genuine abandonment issue stuff. For some this may be inconvenience, for me this has often brought chaos. Yes, and I share right now, I sometimes think too damned much. I think too damned much. Alright then. I own it, I think too much.
Please, tonight don't ask. I do not know really, why and how it is my mind works the way it does. My Body and I are like these huge passengers on this Special Little Ship called "Mario's Mind and his Brain's". Yeah, sure I know, but for me you see, since I have two halves of a brain, the left and the right brain, I figure I have more than one brain. Okay then? La Vie En Flux.
There is something odd going on with my computer, my goggle account, and my blog.
As are my mind, body, and Spirit's.
I have attempted to change certain things in my computer and have attempted to save these changes, but they will sometime revert to the old format. I do like my new look and so wish that this can be made so. The changes will provide a different eye feel, I believe for our guests. Then really, I've had the same format from the very beginning, way back in 2010. For Pete's sake, we're already in the middle of February, The Year Of Our Lord, 2014.
I would like to provide my Guests and Readers, a new spot to hang out for a spell. Yes-yes, same spot, you know, but to have a new look, see and read my words with a bit of a difference. Not only in scene and but in my words, I strive. Someday I would love to have music attached, just for the in case, a reader might appreciate checking in to see what types of music I listen to and enjoy. As a music enthusiast who enjoys many different genre, I enjoy sharing the types of music I enjoy having as a part of my life. My Life's Sound Track's.
This evening, I wish to share this communique informing Kin Folk and Kindred, I have been traveling along this week with much uncertainty. I will share and say as we move along with my tip tapping tonight, the events of this past week that have brought insight for me. In realization, I have been enlightened and so enlightened on multiple subjects. Such synchronicity confounds me. It is as if my mind, manners and ways of being came to a brief stand still and we all had a quick urgent meeting of all that is between these two ears of mine. Synchronicity has no doubt played it's roll in this current path of life. I am humbled and consider these gifts and blessings.
Relations, I am walking with the fear of very much change in the pulse of my heart. No, this is not an exaggeration, it's truth. This past week was choke full of life and activity. I say that so much happened and happened in such a way that I can see so clearly that I am in a cloud of synchronicity. When these come around, I tend to jump on and go for hanging ten. Sure, a Surfer Dude Term, but you see, I have this picture I paint in my mind of me 'riding the wave' when stuff gets hectic, or when things go shitty, stuff like that. I feel this in my lungs as I breathe and exhale, taking in each breathe as deeply as I can without my emergency inhaler. Not being able to breath sucks and is a life changing trip of an experience. Yes, Ma'am, I know.
But anyways, as a fellow Earth Being, a fellow Creature of Mother Earth, I feel, smell, and hear the tides change. Our fellow Earth Creatures, such as our cousins with wings, the four legged ones, and the swimmers are telling us in loud voices we are at the point of no return. Decisions must be made and must be made now. Our Mother screams at us for help and brothers, sister's, we let our World become a toxic place for millions of us today - imagine then, what Mother Earth will look like in fifty or one hundred years from now. Should we not unite now, Mother Earth will die.
Guests and Readers, there are many things within me that are oddly active and in action. My thought processes about my health, relationships, love and life. At this point in my journey here, as a fifty four year old middle age mixed breed, I want this to be the point of no return. Like there's really no damned turning back now, my friends. Forward I go.
My Path, My Life, has brought me here and placed me in several areas of being within a very short period of time. In Spirit, my body, my health, my mind, I prepare for life changes that has gifts of experience and knowledge. Life Lesson's, is what I call them. I am permitting myself time and have soaked in much prayer, consideration, ceremony and all of whatever gifts of knowledge may come my way. I promise myself to be 'with it' within me. To be present! That is what I have fought the cells for! I am giving myself permission to be present in everything and anything in all my life. All as part of feeling and working with what are life's experience's may bring. I will with purpose and intention work myself into this pace of a good walk on my path, and will walk with this purpose and intention. These decisions that have come as a part of my life's going's on, are what I want to permit myself is expansion. To expand and open my mind and heart when it comes to communications and change. To be available, more forthcoming, and welcoming of change. Rather than fear change as I have my entire life.
Whether it be as simple as something related to my computer, or as important as me having to ask for help. I mean, that's a tough subject for me right there. Changes in and of my life - today are of these types of change. Are the ones that have so often terrified me to the bone in life. Right now, and really, I could say since Monday, 10 Feb., there has been big battles going on within because I want to proceed full speed ahead. How certain or sure am I? I say right now, near the level of high intensity. I'm afraid, to the level of genuine abandonment issue stuff. For some this may be inconvenience, for me this has often brought chaos. Yes, and I share right now, I sometimes think too damned much. I think too damned much. Alright then. I own it, I think too much.
Please, tonight don't ask. I do not know really, why and how it is my mind works the way it does. My Body and I are like these huge passengers on this Special Little Ship called "Mario's Mind and his Brain's". Yeah, sure I know, but for me you see, since I have two halves of a brain, the left and the right brain, I figure I have more than one brain. Okay then? La Vie En Flux.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Relations, I Introduce A New Look And A Turned Leaf
Dearest Relations,
It is with great hopes that I have made satisfactory changes to this simple little blog of mine. This simple blog written by a simple Mixed Blooded American man from the South Eastern States of the United States of America, I place my life here to share the all of what my life was, is and has become pertaining to my health and emotional matters. Meniere's Disease, being the number one factor in beginning to send out communiques. I began this blog back in the year 2010 with some motivational good talks from Folks who were friends but for a spell, rather like, 'the book of the month club' type friend. Well, Relations, my heart and Spirit's are too sensitive for that type of bull shit and drama. I really don't have time for that and yes, these are them who want to honk with their obnoxious voices that friends are friends whether you see or speak with one and another daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, by-the-dozen, and or so on and so on. Well, because you see Honey's, that's not my bag of tea or is it the flavor of the month at Starbucks for me. My ideas and my heart felt feelings about what friendship is much more important to me.
Oh yes, we are all to be let free with the establishing of Kindred Spirit's. Kin Folk and Kind One's as we live our lives. In my life, I know no stranger. My Family, who are them related to me by blood are my Kin Folk, though sadly enough, many of them are as estranged to me as I am to the fellow collecting coins on the corner. I say estranged with purpose because the person on the corner collecting coins is not a stranger. She is my sister or he is my brother who have no where to go or no means to gain gainful employment. I watch while I'm out and about on the County's Mass Transit Systems, Little Blue Buses. How things have been created for those of us, who are the Disabled. Or the disenfranchised. Yes. Yes, We The Disabled, become a sub-factor in the functions of a City and it's businesses, like the folks on the corner and the city's modes of transportation's. I trust in them to safely transport me from home to doctors appointments and my return home. Nothing more - nothing less. Sometimes I hold on for dear life because I have become a passenger in a Little Blue Bus who's driver is too fast and too furious for me. These Folks, even with their erratic driving become an instant Kind One in my Circles of Life. My Kindred Spirit's are who we are, Kindred Spirit's. All are brothers and sisters of mine. It does not matter where one is born or the color of skin nor even the language spoken. There is but One God. Seen.
I express my 'Circles of Life', with those and them who are a part of my life today. And them involved in or are with me in these health battles of my life. And My God, isn't this all so danged simple. I don't understand why so many Folks want to over dramatize and make negative what is really such a brief life here on Mother Earth. You see, Relations, which would be an all inclusive term, I have found my life long formula as something so simple. I'm really not a complicated Boy, and all that I ask is that you please, just be honest with me, and in turn you will get honesty from me. Sometimes even, whether one likes it or not, the truth is the truth in my life.
I have taken steps to open up myself to include others in my life. From hospital to clinic to rehab center and pharmacy. Same for my Kin Folk and Kindred Spirit's, I invite all Relations, please join me and my Medical and Emotional Better Health Teams and become a Team Mate of mine.
Please?
It is with great hopes that I have made satisfactory changes to this simple little blog of mine. This simple blog written by a simple Mixed Blooded American man from the South Eastern States of the United States of America, I place my life here to share the all of what my life was, is and has become pertaining to my health and emotional matters. Meniere's Disease, being the number one factor in beginning to send out communiques. I began this blog back in the year 2010 with some motivational good talks from Folks who were friends but for a spell, rather like, 'the book of the month club' type friend. Well, Relations, my heart and Spirit's are too sensitive for that type of bull shit and drama. I really don't have time for that and yes, these are them who want to honk with their obnoxious voices that friends are friends whether you see or speak with one and another daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, by-the-dozen, and or so on and so on. Well, because you see Honey's, that's not my bag of tea or is it the flavor of the month at Starbucks for me. My ideas and my heart felt feelings about what friendship is much more important to me.
Oh yes, we are all to be let free with the establishing of Kindred Spirit's. Kin Folk and Kind One's as we live our lives. In my life, I know no stranger. My Family, who are them related to me by blood are my Kin Folk, though sadly enough, many of them are as estranged to me as I am to the fellow collecting coins on the corner. I say estranged with purpose because the person on the corner collecting coins is not a stranger. She is my sister or he is my brother who have no where to go or no means to gain gainful employment. I watch while I'm out and about on the County's Mass Transit Systems, Little Blue Buses. How things have been created for those of us, who are the Disabled. Or the disenfranchised. Yes. Yes, We The Disabled, become a sub-factor in the functions of a City and it's businesses, like the folks on the corner and the city's modes of transportation's. I trust in them to safely transport me from home to doctors appointments and my return home. Nothing more - nothing less. Sometimes I hold on for dear life because I have become a passenger in a Little Blue Bus who's driver is too fast and too furious for me. These Folks, even with their erratic driving become an instant Kind One in my Circles of Life. My Kindred Spirit's are who we are, Kindred Spirit's. All are brothers and sisters of mine. It does not matter where one is born or the color of skin nor even the language spoken. There is but One God. Seen.
I express my 'Circles of Life', with those and them who are a part of my life today. And them involved in or are with me in these health battles of my life. And My God, isn't this all so danged simple. I don't understand why so many Folks want to over dramatize and make negative what is really such a brief life here on Mother Earth. You see, Relations, which would be an all inclusive term, I have found my life long formula as something so simple. I'm really not a complicated Boy, and all that I ask is that you please, just be honest with me, and in turn you will get honesty from me. Sometimes even, whether one likes it or not, the truth is the truth in my life.
I have taken steps to open up myself to include others in my life. From hospital to clinic to rehab center and pharmacy. Same for my Kin Folk and Kindred Spirit's, I invite all Relations, please join me and my Medical and Emotional Better Health Teams and become a Team Mate of mine.
Please?
Meniere's Disease Special Forces, A Surprise Attack On My Right HOH Ear
Relations,
I wish to report on a procedure I had done on this past Tuesday, the 11 day of February 2014. My Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I, had an appointment scheduled for Audiology Tests and examinations at 1300. There was a small unremarkable increase in word recognition noticed with this series of tests and unfortunately I am aware that these tests come back wacky and nonsensical from time to time. At any given time, my hearing in my right ear is deaf, near deaf or poor hearing. Which in my layman ways is to understand that this is the way it's going to be the rest of my life. Or, until my HOH, Hard of Hearing becomes totally helpless, in which case, then, is when my Good Doctor has assured me that I will not go deaf, but It will be then that I qualify for the Cochlear Implant on my right side of my head and skull. At present, I use a hearing Aid, an awesome one indeed, but I have learned that hearing aids are quite simply amplifiers for the ear hole. It picks up sound, noise and word and makes it louder. I am Deaf with a BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, on the left side of my skull and scalp. Without my implant and processor in place, I am a Deaf person. I have learned by listening to doctors and taking special care to my doctor, that this form of Meniere's Disease is very rare form. Meniere's Disease, usually affects one ear, I have been blessed to have had both of my ears invaded by this disgusting life altering disease. It is to my understanding that there are only 7,000 or so of us on this planet with the BAHA, and I feel blessed and privileged to have one implanted to the side of my skull and scalp.
This Special Forces, Surprise Attack, I have spoken of was a plan for a procedure where and when my doctor inserted a needle and syringe with a powerful form of steroid deep into the center of my ear. When Doctor slowly injected the cool substance into every nook and cranny of the inner most part of my ear, I wanted to cuss, but did not. The medicine in turn passed through my sinus and into my mouth which created a bitter and quite nasty taste. The pain was powerful, yes, but no where as powerful or life altering as the gentamaycin antibiotic injection that comes in a series of seven injections that are injected into the affected ear. gentamaycin is a very toxic medication when it comes to one's ear and is totally out of the question in the case of my right ear, due to the possibility of it destroying whatever hearing I have left in my right ear hole to the brain. I say, I so surely do wish to hold on to this hearing as long as I might, so then, Doctor D., and I are on same page at 100%. This slow injection of medicine lasted for several minutes and created a dash of a brief Meniere's Attack, with the ceiling spinning madly and the walls breathing in and out. My doctor remained with me, spoke with me and assured me that these sensations would be temporary and not to worry. As he ordered, yes these symptoms were very temporary.
This action was required due to very new symptoms in my right ear, cruel and bitter pains deep in my right ear and head, and the surrounding area of my right ear, that were and have been mirrored symptoms of those I had in my left ear when all of this first started a few years past. As of today, the 13th of February, I have yet to sense any change from this injection of steroid, but doctor informed me of the pros and cons, and that it may take a brief spell before any recognizable change could be noticed. Or not. For me, all of this was well worth the go ahead. So, once again, my dearest Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, went to bat for me. It was not long ago we agreed that we had hit solid cement ceiling with this disease and what it is doing to my ear on a medicinal point of view, but doctor was prepared to conduct this one more study. For me, whenever any of my doctors wish to conduct a series of tests, exams, or procedures, I am all systems go. What this disease did and has done to my once beautiful life and hearing left ear, has been tough and so damned depressing for me. Well then, now that I look at this whole process differently, well, yes, I can see my left ear is still just as beautiful as it ever was, and just a couple of inches or so away from my ear is the site of my BAHA implant, and oh what a sight it is.
I wish to thank my doctor for continuing to attack this disease at full speed ahead. I am very well aware that we are approaching an end to the extra applied use of medicine in this matter and that I will in fact have to make due with the medications I am presently taking. While also in the back of my mind prepare for the inevitability of a Cochlear Implant. I believe today, I have a difference in my appreciation for all my doctor has done for me. Assisting me with the fighting of this disgusting invisible disease.
Should you ever come across this Doc. D., and I know you do check from time to time, know that I appreciate you, I am blessed to have you in my life and I thank God for you and your most blessed hands and mind. Also for that extraordinary staff in your clinic. How Blessed I am.
My friends, I will surely keep all up to date on this Meniere's Disease and will be bring you up to date on what is going on with the Neurological Pain issues that have plagued me for years and years. Speaking of which, there has been some good work coming from this. It has taken so much time. It has taken so much pain and medications, and really Folks, I am plain old tired of being sick and tired. I wish all relations true love and peace. I pray you be well and for those of you in this serious of Winter, please be safe, keep warm and keep dry.
With love, respect and understanding for all who combat Meniere's Disease, I wish you God Speed.
I wish to report on a procedure I had done on this past Tuesday, the 11 day of February 2014. My Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I, had an appointment scheduled for Audiology Tests and examinations at 1300. There was a small unremarkable increase in word recognition noticed with this series of tests and unfortunately I am aware that these tests come back wacky and nonsensical from time to time. At any given time, my hearing in my right ear is deaf, near deaf or poor hearing. Which in my layman ways is to understand that this is the way it's going to be the rest of my life. Or, until my HOH, Hard of Hearing becomes totally helpless, in which case, then, is when my Good Doctor has assured me that I will not go deaf, but It will be then that I qualify for the Cochlear Implant on my right side of my head and skull. At present, I use a hearing Aid, an awesome one indeed, but I have learned that hearing aids are quite simply amplifiers for the ear hole. It picks up sound, noise and word and makes it louder. I am Deaf with a BAHA, Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, on the left side of my skull and scalp. Without my implant and processor in place, I am a Deaf person. I have learned by listening to doctors and taking special care to my doctor, that this form of Meniere's Disease is very rare form. Meniere's Disease, usually affects one ear, I have been blessed to have had both of my ears invaded by this disgusting life altering disease. It is to my understanding that there are only 7,000 or so of us on this planet with the BAHA, and I feel blessed and privileged to have one implanted to the side of my skull and scalp.
This Special Forces, Surprise Attack, I have spoken of was a plan for a procedure where and when my doctor inserted a needle and syringe with a powerful form of steroid deep into the center of my ear. When Doctor slowly injected the cool substance into every nook and cranny of the inner most part of my ear, I wanted to cuss, but did not. The medicine in turn passed through my sinus and into my mouth which created a bitter and quite nasty taste. The pain was powerful, yes, but no where as powerful or life altering as the gentamaycin antibiotic injection that comes in a series of seven injections that are injected into the affected ear. gentamaycin is a very toxic medication when it comes to one's ear and is totally out of the question in the case of my right ear, due to the possibility of it destroying whatever hearing I have left in my right ear hole to the brain. I say, I so surely do wish to hold on to this hearing as long as I might, so then, Doctor D., and I are on same page at 100%. This slow injection of medicine lasted for several minutes and created a dash of a brief Meniere's Attack, with the ceiling spinning madly and the walls breathing in and out. My doctor remained with me, spoke with me and assured me that these sensations would be temporary and not to worry. As he ordered, yes these symptoms were very temporary.
This action was required due to very new symptoms in my right ear, cruel and bitter pains deep in my right ear and head, and the surrounding area of my right ear, that were and have been mirrored symptoms of those I had in my left ear when all of this first started a few years past. As of today, the 13th of February, I have yet to sense any change from this injection of steroid, but doctor informed me of the pros and cons, and that it may take a brief spell before any recognizable change could be noticed. Or not. For me, all of this was well worth the go ahead. So, once again, my dearest Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, went to bat for me. It was not long ago we agreed that we had hit solid cement ceiling with this disease and what it is doing to my ear on a medicinal point of view, but doctor was prepared to conduct this one more study. For me, whenever any of my doctors wish to conduct a series of tests, exams, or procedures, I am all systems go. What this disease did and has done to my once beautiful life and hearing left ear, has been tough and so damned depressing for me. Well then, now that I look at this whole process differently, well, yes, I can see my left ear is still just as beautiful as it ever was, and just a couple of inches or so away from my ear is the site of my BAHA implant, and oh what a sight it is.
I wish to thank my doctor for continuing to attack this disease at full speed ahead. I am very well aware that we are approaching an end to the extra applied use of medicine in this matter and that I will in fact have to make due with the medications I am presently taking. While also in the back of my mind prepare for the inevitability of a Cochlear Implant. I believe today, I have a difference in my appreciation for all my doctor has done for me. Assisting me with the fighting of this disgusting invisible disease.
Should you ever come across this Doc. D., and I know you do check from time to time, know that I appreciate you, I am blessed to have you in my life and I thank God for you and your most blessed hands and mind. Also for that extraordinary staff in your clinic. How Blessed I am.
My friends, I will surely keep all up to date on this Meniere's Disease and will be bring you up to date on what is going on with the Neurological Pain issues that have plagued me for years and years. Speaking of which, there has been some good work coming from this. It has taken so much time. It has taken so much pain and medications, and really Folks, I am plain old tired of being sick and tired. I wish all relations true love and peace. I pray you be well and for those of you in this serious of Winter, please be safe, keep warm and keep dry.
With love, respect and understanding for all who combat Meniere's Disease, I wish you God Speed.
ATTENTION: Blogger, Issues Gaining Access To Blog
Dearest Blogger,
I have had this blog since 2010. I have had issues from time to time being able to access my blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. I ask for your assistance in this matter and ask that I do please be offered true help.
There has been NO HELP in the past and I have taught myself to get as far as I have. I am here presently stuck in some section of your blogger world and I am confused.
All I wish to do is blog.
Please, help me. My name is Mario Sierra and you are able to reach me at my e-mail address, mustafa38@aol.com.
Thanking you in advance, your customer,
Mario Sierra III
I have had this blog since 2010. I have had issues from time to time being able to access my blog, Meniere's Disease, Mario's Path. I ask for your assistance in this matter and ask that I do please be offered true help.
There has been NO HELP in the past and I have taught myself to get as far as I have. I am here presently stuck in some section of your blogger world and I am confused.
All I wish to do is blog.
Please, help me. My name is Mario Sierra and you are able to reach me at my e-mail address, mustafa38@aol.com.
Thanking you in advance, your customer,
Mario Sierra III
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
My Patient Right's. Is This Discrimination? Let's See.
Folks,
I try to reach and connect with my professors. My doctors, and professionals. Them who are a part of and important pieces to my Better Health Team. These are the crème de Le crème of health care professionals. My doctors and their staff, and I am well aware these clinic are very well paid by my insurance, by my long term disability insurance, and cash money from out-of-pocket. Shoot, I have even had one of my most close to me, not knowing their clinic sent me to collections. For shits sake. Where am I to pull money from? I have even exhausted my little collection of a few hundred dollars in two dollar bills and dollar coins to pay medical bills and groceries. I have had to take from a 401K so we know how that plays. The damned government gets a cut. I have always been passionate about my relationships with my doctors and their clinics. Their associates are all members of my Better Health Care Team. I mean, even with all of our vendors, we carry a responsibility to resolve our debts, but Mystify, there's only that much money in my life. Our lives. My Bride Botswana and I. My Kin Folk, my Kindred Ones, and Friends, this is something that I feel absolutely necessary to speak about, share and talk about to get this shit off my chest and remove the gunk that is getting so complicated it is choking my breath from my lungs and chest. Then tonight my dearest spouse Botswana asks me, why are you so troubled? what is bothering you babe? Why are you breathing so hard? Oh my dear Babe, I'm so sorry. Well God, you know Sir, it's like this. I have become majorly, with full reality concerned about a couple of incidents I have had over the last year or so, when my Neurological Pain professor came into my life, she became a part of my team. She-With-Many-Names and her sometimes very disrespectful staff. Yes, they work hard and yes, I see their work load - I see this every time I am there, but It does not make right - wrongs that I have had done on to me. For example, last month, I had an opportunity to be have a conversation with the Administrator of this Burn, Pain, and Neurological Pain Centre. We had a kind conversation that was professional, she over asking a question, "what can I do for you? Asking this question several times, while exchanging pleasantries and good talk about the clinic. While speaking with me she mentioned if I was the patient who was calling about "his Oxycontin"? A very powerful drug that is abused out there on the streets of our USA and is a medicinal drug I am not prescribed. You see, this is when I realized and knew right then, that what I had heard so many months ago was too damned true.
I am scared. I do care about this conversation, the talks with her assistants, and her RN assistant. I know very well that I have been discriminated against and very seriously, I have had my mental and emotional status more than upset because of what I had heard and experienced at this clinic for months. This issue here was when a nurse made a comment, I was out of her sight in my exam room, and she not realizing my door was ajar, with my hearing aid in and my BAHA implanted - I heard her say, "he's trying to get medicine from the clinic". Yes, I heard. A nurse. No, I'm not going to go through this whole story and process again. I won't go through the explaining of the hell these people have put me through. I mean, I have been so intimidated by a couple associates that I place passing grades on my surveys, as I was instructed to do so. So I did as I was told.
The first major incident was during our processing me into the clinic when a one nurse asked me in the presence of my spouse whether I was afraid of being harmed by a friend or family member? Unfortunately, this was just the most incorrect question to be asking anybody, especially me in front of my wife who ever may be present with any patient. This is a huge HIPA and a Patient Right betrayal, I mean, NEVER are these type of personal questions ever asked in front of another no matter who without a consent...
...this NURSE did not have my consent. Never was there a private chat prior to the Q and A - she leaped straight into it. When I interrupted her questionnaire, she became quite bitter and was no longer that sweet nurse with the wonderful accent processing me into the system. No, shit was never the same since. I will say that it was not she who uttered the mistake about me being there for medicine. It was a white woman who spoke those words. Getting back to the NURSE, she has raised her voice at me on several occasions over the telephone. She has spoken down onto me as if I should kneel before she. This NURSE has made too many errors with me. Another being, not calling me back for up to two days and then apologizing. No. This is a story about my life. About this damned pain that at this moment, is driving me mad! So bad I am on the verge of emergency. My bones. My muscles. My head - which is my scalp and skull hurt. I am beat.
But. I. Am. Afraid. I want to curse and cuss so bad, yet I attempt to restrain myself because I may be sending this communique out. Where, when, and to whom, or who, I don't know yet, but look, the all of this is simply not right. I get better treatment from the House Keeping Lady's and the Admitting personal than this NURSE. I am ashamed to have to speak of this because I am over this. I am tired of being looked over and away and shunned. I am being smacked about like bad mitten between three different doctor offices. Yes, this my life..........
...........no Mario, that is a Neurological issue - you have to see She-With-Many-Names. Then She, says and tells me, Oh no, this isn't neurological, this is Meniere's Disease related and I know this. And I knew that! And then at my internist, folks this, is this something that you have to see so and so about this and that's. Shit. Please. Calls are not returned. And I don't call that damned often - for shits sake, I keep a log. Yes, I damn sure do - with notes. So to hell with this do-do. All of this fakery is just prolonging the misery of my condition. You, my administrator, my professor, my doctors, you all don't even know what I am feeling as a patient and I'm sorry to say I wonder if you all really care for me at all. Yes, I know these are same old damned words and I don't give a shit if we are at a maximum performance presently. I'm not going to ask why me? Because I know every things going to be alright. It's like I'm treated differently. I see and listen and hear how other patients are being treated. Then to have my Rights as a Patient betrayed is just becoming too much for me to bare.
Is it because I'm a Mixed Blood, a Mixed Breed? I say, yes, and seriously, I begin to think so, more so. This pain is eating at me twenty four hours a day. Every damned day. I don't request medicine. Never had, it is you all who prescribe my medicine and I take them as you direct. I do not know what to prescribe. You do. All I ask is that all of you get on the same page. Get on same page and HELP me please. I feel like a lot of this is my fault because I let go and let God. These folks betrayed my faith and my trust. I think maybe I get back into action and talk face to face and involved with my health care.
I am suffering. I hurt. I'm sleeping my life away at a fifteen to twenty hours a day. And by the way She-With-Many-Names, this is a Meniere's thing, you wouldn't understand and Doc., I read you would/could/should. My hearing is leaving me with a quickness, I sweat like a pig every damned day and night, I live with dizziness every day and nothing helps. I fall and who's here to help me up as I let my hound lay there with me and lick my arms or face to let me know she cares. That every thing's going to be alright. I puke sustenance and whatever contents of my stomach on a regular basis. I hurt myself every damned day by bumping into stuff. Walls, chairs, a huge damned ice box and my garage is a danger zone. My spouse and I have created paths in our home, but sometimes paths are not good enough.
Maybe, just maybe it is time, I snap out of this peculiarity. Unfortunately, this is all an extra complicated scenario. I simply expect respect and proper care for these diseases I walk with every day of my life. That's every day. All I ask for is your understanding, you see. That's all.
I know damned good and well that not one of you, my dear doctors, know what it's like to live like this. Or to walk in my shoes or boots. You don't know how I live with these diseases. I have professionals playing hop scotch with me. Oh God, this process of speaking up is long over due. I as a patient, am approaching the last of my wits and I have my last nerve to bank on. I swear, I just don't understand. Your staff, your nurses (except for the intimidating one) are superb Folks, and I love literally so many of them. But doctors. But then, when? But really. Really.
The pain is becoming unbearably horrific. It is time for me to go rest. Sleep. And not think.
I try to reach and connect with my professors. My doctors, and professionals. Them who are a part of and important pieces to my Better Health Team. These are the crème de Le crème of health care professionals. My doctors and their staff, and I am well aware these clinic are very well paid by my insurance, by my long term disability insurance, and cash money from out-of-pocket. Shoot, I have even had one of my most close to me, not knowing their clinic sent me to collections. For shits sake. Where am I to pull money from? I have even exhausted my little collection of a few hundred dollars in two dollar bills and dollar coins to pay medical bills and groceries. I have had to take from a 401K so we know how that plays. The damned government gets a cut. I have always been passionate about my relationships with my doctors and their clinics. Their associates are all members of my Better Health Care Team. I mean, even with all of our vendors, we carry a responsibility to resolve our debts, but Mystify, there's only that much money in my life. Our lives. My Bride Botswana and I. My Kin Folk, my Kindred Ones, and Friends, this is something that I feel absolutely necessary to speak about, share and talk about to get this shit off my chest and remove the gunk that is getting so complicated it is choking my breath from my lungs and chest. Then tonight my dearest spouse Botswana asks me, why are you so troubled? what is bothering you babe? Why are you breathing so hard? Oh my dear Babe, I'm so sorry. Well God, you know Sir, it's like this. I have become majorly, with full reality concerned about a couple of incidents I have had over the last year or so, when my Neurological Pain professor came into my life, she became a part of my team. She-With-Many-Names and her sometimes very disrespectful staff. Yes, they work hard and yes, I see their work load - I see this every time I am there, but It does not make right - wrongs that I have had done on to me. For example, last month, I had an opportunity to be have a conversation with the Administrator of this Burn, Pain, and Neurological Pain Centre. We had a kind conversation that was professional, she over asking a question, "what can I do for you? Asking this question several times, while exchanging pleasantries and good talk about the clinic. While speaking with me she mentioned if I was the patient who was calling about "his Oxycontin"? A very powerful drug that is abused out there on the streets of our USA and is a medicinal drug I am not prescribed. You see, this is when I realized and knew right then, that what I had heard so many months ago was too damned true.
I am scared. I do care about this conversation, the talks with her assistants, and her RN assistant. I know very well that I have been discriminated against and very seriously, I have had my mental and emotional status more than upset because of what I had heard and experienced at this clinic for months. This issue here was when a nurse made a comment, I was out of her sight in my exam room, and she not realizing my door was ajar, with my hearing aid in and my BAHA implanted - I heard her say, "he's trying to get medicine from the clinic". Yes, I heard. A nurse. No, I'm not going to go through this whole story and process again. I won't go through the explaining of the hell these people have put me through. I mean, I have been so intimidated by a couple associates that I place passing grades on my surveys, as I was instructed to do so. So I did as I was told.
The first major incident was during our processing me into the clinic when a one nurse asked me in the presence of my spouse whether I was afraid of being harmed by a friend or family member? Unfortunately, this was just the most incorrect question to be asking anybody, especially me in front of my wife who ever may be present with any patient. This is a huge HIPA and a Patient Right betrayal, I mean, NEVER are these type of personal questions ever asked in front of another no matter who without a consent...
...this NURSE did not have my consent. Never was there a private chat prior to the Q and A - she leaped straight into it. When I interrupted her questionnaire, she became quite bitter and was no longer that sweet nurse with the wonderful accent processing me into the system. No, shit was never the same since. I will say that it was not she who uttered the mistake about me being there for medicine. It was a white woman who spoke those words. Getting back to the NURSE, she has raised her voice at me on several occasions over the telephone. She has spoken down onto me as if I should kneel before she. This NURSE has made too many errors with me. Another being, not calling me back for up to two days and then apologizing. No. This is a story about my life. About this damned pain that at this moment, is driving me mad! So bad I am on the verge of emergency. My bones. My muscles. My head - which is my scalp and skull hurt. I am beat.
But. I. Am. Afraid. I want to curse and cuss so bad, yet I attempt to restrain myself because I may be sending this communique out. Where, when, and to whom, or who, I don't know yet, but look, the all of this is simply not right. I get better treatment from the House Keeping Lady's and the Admitting personal than this NURSE. I am ashamed to have to speak of this because I am over this. I am tired of being looked over and away and shunned. I am being smacked about like bad mitten between three different doctor offices. Yes, this my life..........
...........no Mario, that is a Neurological issue - you have to see She-With-Many-Names. Then She, says and tells me, Oh no, this isn't neurological, this is Meniere's Disease related and I know this. And I knew that! And then at my internist, folks this, is this something that you have to see so and so about this and that's. Shit. Please. Calls are not returned. And I don't call that damned often - for shits sake, I keep a log. Yes, I damn sure do - with notes. So to hell with this do-do. All of this fakery is just prolonging the misery of my condition. You, my administrator, my professor, my doctors, you all don't even know what I am feeling as a patient and I'm sorry to say I wonder if you all really care for me at all. Yes, I know these are same old damned words and I don't give a shit if we are at a maximum performance presently. I'm not going to ask why me? Because I know every things going to be alright. It's like I'm treated differently. I see and listen and hear how other patients are being treated. Then to have my Rights as a Patient betrayed is just becoming too much for me to bare.
Is it because I'm a Mixed Blood, a Mixed Breed? I say, yes, and seriously, I begin to think so, more so. This pain is eating at me twenty four hours a day. Every damned day. I don't request medicine. Never had, it is you all who prescribe my medicine and I take them as you direct. I do not know what to prescribe. You do. All I ask is that all of you get on the same page. Get on same page and HELP me please. I feel like a lot of this is my fault because I let go and let God. These folks betrayed my faith and my trust. I think maybe I get back into action and talk face to face and involved with my health care.
I am suffering. I hurt. I'm sleeping my life away at a fifteen to twenty hours a day. And by the way She-With-Many-Names, this is a Meniere's thing, you wouldn't understand and Doc., I read you would/could/should. My hearing is leaving me with a quickness, I sweat like a pig every damned day and night, I live with dizziness every day and nothing helps. I fall and who's here to help me up as I let my hound lay there with me and lick my arms or face to let me know she cares. That every thing's going to be alright. I puke sustenance and whatever contents of my stomach on a regular basis. I hurt myself every damned day by bumping into stuff. Walls, chairs, a huge damned ice box and my garage is a danger zone. My spouse and I have created paths in our home, but sometimes paths are not good enough.
Maybe, just maybe it is time, I snap out of this peculiarity. Unfortunately, this is all an extra complicated scenario. I simply expect respect and proper care for these diseases I walk with every day of my life. That's every day. All I ask for is your understanding, you see. That's all.
I know damned good and well that not one of you, my dear doctors, know what it's like to live like this. Or to walk in my shoes or boots. You don't know how I live with these diseases. I have professionals playing hop scotch with me. Oh God, this process of speaking up is long over due. I as a patient, am approaching the last of my wits and I have my last nerve to bank on. I swear, I just don't understand. Your staff, your nurses (except for the intimidating one) are superb Folks, and I love literally so many of them. But doctors. But then, when? But really. Really.
The pain is becoming unbearably horrific. It is time for me to go rest. Sleep. And not think.
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