Hello Kindred,
Let me share, many changes continue and have compounded changes around here and around and about me and my boundaries and force fields of protection. This is a snap shot of where I am today, at this time, with nothing more to do, but accept it. Accept this all. True.
I'm feeling disoriented, dizzy and uncoordinated. It has been like this since I woke from slumber at 1645. My therapist Sir Dude, called about the morrow and I had totally forgot to call the my good right therapist - I had totally forgot that it was scheduled. So, I guess I did forget, but I had forgotten to forget because of this Meniere's and sleep and all of this and that, my mind not on a schedule or appointments of any type. I have been in a bad place since the swift and deliberate Meniere's attack of just a couple or so days ago. I have done nothing but sleep for most of this week, thus far, I have slept +20 hours in the past day, 38 or so in past two days. If I stopped to count, I would consider too much of this a waste of time.There's a new doctor who wants inside my life and mind. I don't know about this. I do know I can't let this mess with me, mess with me to suffer and make rubbish from the symptoms within my being.
Today, I retreated, and at this moment, I have a better idea of what letting go feels like. It feels real.
There is no more time to waste or let the "who's and what not's" control my life. In or out of this skin I live in. This disease Meniere's, has a way of being, and does any thing it wishes, a living curse is how one would or could might say this. So I fight this. And fight this I will. What silly ways some folks have.
I have vomitted and have done so into my mouth in the day and the wee hours of night. My right ear has been painfully plopping and popping. It feels like and seems as if the inside of my right ear here is bruised. I can feel it at this moment. There are sounds from another place here and are heard and listened to hear here. The sounds from with-in my Deaf left ear have been at times chaotic sounds of a submarine searching radar blaring in my left ear - having done so three times tonight. So fucking loud. There is a build up of fluid within my right ear too. My hearing has worsened.
I take note that there has been a break down in communications at the clinic of He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. It's not cool when members of my Better Health Team fail to return my telephone calls. Might be good connection in the morrow afternoon though. Yes. I think I like that. I have patient issues - and all of my clinics know I have patience, but child please. Don't do me like that. Another break down in communication has taken place with another member, a new member. I called at 2200 to leave a message. There is one call from one clinic one week past, this is horribly unacceptable in any ones business. For shits sake, I find this so with me and mine anyways, I'll take care of this tomorrow..
The pains from the cervical spine and the neurological madness due to some surgeries is driving me absolutely crazy! I will explain as I feel pain at this moment. My neck has pain from my skin straight through the muscles and veins and arteries and all-of-that - to the bones of my neck bones. There is a pain in my skulls bone structure too. Not inside the globe, nor the flesh of my scalp, but the matter with in my skull is pained. I know it because I feel this fucking pain. And for fucks sake yes! I have taken my medications - all of them! My shoulders to the ball in my arm/shoulder pain from within. The pains on and in my right neck and shoulder are particularly harsh. Oh yes, the pains in my shoulders extend in bone down my arms, passed my elbows to my lower arms and hands and the places between my knuckles.
My tooth remains loose in my lower right jaw. Honey, I'm a dude, and I must make it through at least the Christmas meal. Inshallah.
Time's out.
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