Good Morning Dearest Reader.
Tonight, which is actually the wee hours of this morning 17 December 13, I was tucked and off in a deep sleep. I was in bed happily and unusually early, you see? Unusual standards established by my Meniere's Disease induced sleeping patterns, I have no control over and the ill side affects that accompanies this invisible disease that operates on MDT, Meniere's Disease Time. Minutes ago I was in one of those so sweet and comfortable places being so sweetly tucked into my safe place by layers of warmth and comfort. I was half dressed because I am one of those damned silly, hippy, mixed breeds who enjoys the romanticism's of a cold night or few in my safe place with my sweet Bride at my side and my hound Ting-Ting at my feet. Tonight, I have been especially exhausted, so very affected by exhaustion's of this of morning and afternoon's stepping out for a bit of shopping, mailing off, racing here and there to get things done. Remained in my safe compartment which is in the midst of my brain's chambers, and I engage force fields. Spiritual One's, I say these projections of energies from others, very rude others from the public, as I have shared recently from some in my Circles of Life and from others in my Medical, Emotional, and closer Circle's. There's emotional stuff I have kept hidde. Now having to be a different Man, even if to assert and report from me, that I am in a place of many troubled fucking pains. These filthy pains and physical aspects stomping my ass, are statistically troubling and not unfamailiar Pain.. Daily. Sir., Ma'am, not maybe. But. I said everyday.
Now then. My Kin Dred, it is my duty to put a smiley face on my face, to wear my sweet smile and keep my chin up and be happy and chipper en'it? Even when my body in fucking cussing and screaming at me - by the pain and strains that my body rages about. There was a point today when I wanted to cuss aloud! I wanted to scream! So too many other changes going on in my life! I am me, I am this mixed blood! Oh, that's the way you say so, well, hell hello. Yet I couldn't holler or scream at te top of my lungs. I was in the midst of a Super Wally World. Christmas shopping with my bride...
...them Wally World People would have had ten cops on my six foot two, 248 pound hairy, nag champa scented, bead wearing fucking customer profiled. "Dude's! He's got a back pack. Repeat. He has a back pack." "Yeah Boss, I saw this motherfucka up here last week". "Have you seen the box he has attached to the side of his head? Did you copy?" - "Yes. Listen, this dude is stumbling and knocking onto stuff"...
...seen? Yes. This happens. Happened today, as I was at this huge box store and was melting and getting to a bad place. They had security tag my walk. I mean, didn't anybody notice I am a bit ill? Please?
Tonight. I sit here tip-tapping because I am in intense and shocking state pain are from three different theaters of my body...
... first off. I was awakened by a shooting shock of pain originating from the right side of my face. While asleep, while dreaming I suspect, I bit down on and pushed onto a very loose tooth further into my right jaw. Friends, talk about a shocking horror! Shitting thing woke me like a damned nightmare. This stems and is the business of a loose tooth that I have let go. I be as a child. Oh, how I have tried to pull this damned tooth from my aching skull. For shits sake, there's something there fighting to stay. So, I'm going to leave this damned thing alone and will be seeing my new dentist this week. Sooner the better. God, Please, I'm holding on, dentist won't touch me without consent from my Neurological Professor and He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. Task-task-task. Shit. All of this prolongs the inevitable. I do not enjoy visiting dentist. My bad.
Morbidly, I say, the pains in my skull, neck, and shoulders is the stuff of un-imagined inner self torture. There have been way too many times, when I have worn and hurt my thumbs and fingers trying to penetrate my muscles to fucking massage from the inside out. These inner-ear muscle spasms. The facial spams. My damned back. My God!
Where's my My Super Hero?
Thank you all and all of you for being here with me a spell. Please Kindred, let me share, I believe I have pre-aged a bit, or have had an escalation of my ageing processes. Yes, my heart does this hollow thumpy-thump when I think of this ageing process called life. So sweetly subtle life brings us, then swings us along.
Sounds like my body's song and dance with loss of weight, is a place I an living with currently. A place I am so familiar with. But, I hush and move along. Keeping a forward motion. Eh? Oh no, nothing turning me or us back now. Folk's, I'm really just to young for some of these stresses. OMG! Oh, but yes, as a result of these series of Botox, all in and on my face, my neck and shoulders, and scalp - I speculate that things are beginning to balance and change on the left of my face! Yes, changes brought on by such a wonderfully bold Professor with The University Of South Florida at Tampa General Hospital. She-With-Many-Names, is aware of what changes, what torture and daily life altering pain from neurological that I have lived, and am living. I must somehow realize I am still 'too young', and have more life to live. I am knowing we have only just begun certain processes, but say, say. I want a life and I know what to say. I see. Seen. I see a different face, as I look back in the mirror from time to time. Yes, I see what working hard in life has done to a beautiful face, I see the results of nuerological issues brought on by surgeries. I see with myself and team of doctors, awesome changes that are not too far away. I see some of them now! I see changes in my life happening now! Let me stop now. Um. Well then, yes, I have taken my medicine and shall shortly return to my corner of Mother Earth. I wish all Kindred peace. Seen.
Merry Christmas everybody! Ohhhhhh, this time of year is a fucked up time of year for me too!! Ew shit!
Look! Being 54, having a damned loose tooth and living in cinstant pain is driving me crazy right now! Good night then.
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