There is not a picture in my mind yet of what it is, My Path, has in store for me as I travel this way...which in my word's and or advice to many individual's whose Path have crossed mine; is quite simply to follow my/your nose...so, simple enough, and a really fine and good direction if one has a destination or a direction on the map on my lap. My Inner-Self, seems lost and confused or in a constant state of unrest.
I have visited places in my head-brain-mind that I had forgotten were up there...tucked away, neatly folded in the crevice's of my brain and the matter that surrounds my brain...my mind...locked up and tucked in with a metal plate. One of the operation's I had called, The Vestebular Nerve Section, required the use of "saw's", to gain entry into my very thick skull...I had hearing memories for weeks! But please, pardon my digress...as a bonus with this operation my Good Doctor, touched and gently made way for the surgery at hand...with his hand. No one had ever touched my brain before...my brain was laid bare and was touched by the air we were breathing...touched by this very special Doctor...as God observed and Blessed the going's on's...
Memorie's, Flash Back's, Smell Memorie's, old one's - new one's, black and white one's and Technicolour one's...almost as if when moved, the ole fellow was stirred up just a bit...
My psychoanalyst has piggy-backed my antdepression medicine with another. I hope we're not playing dart's with the med's...I am unsure as to how I might approach this matter with my doctor. My therapist provides me an avenue with which to communicate, but damnit...my Inner-self is saying I need more than what is being done or not done. What is being said or not said...the TALK's WITH OTHER'S I miss and require as an individual named Me.
My crying is done when I am home alone - which is most of the time and am able to scream into my pillow in solitude...sometime's I'll howl with my loving hound's, Ting-Ting and Chi-Chi...I cry late at night...like now, while my Bride's asleep...
Being SSD and Hard of Hearing is all out depressing! It sucks something really bleeding bad! There have been too many times when I have experianced total silence. My balance is such that a broken bone is more than likely, inevitable. Have been blessed and have walked a fortuitous path over the passed two and one half years. Scrapes, bumps and bruises.
I am not permitted to ride my trike. Unsupervised.
I am not permitted to walk down the street with walker, unsupervised...
...have not driven my car in over one year.
Am slowly becoming afraid of the dark. The Dark is Dark and when silence is so loud it roars in my one-good-bad-ear. The Dark speaks to me...and I try not to listen! I try real hard! There's just sometimes when I am aware and sensitive to so very many energies within my space that sometimes I suspect I am going mad.
Those who were once freind's have scattered like the falling Autumn leaves... I am lonely and alone. Am very lonely and alone...
It's me Mario, and my psyche manifest psychosis.
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