Vertigo Attack on a Monday Afternoon.

Seems like it has been several hours ago, six or so, when this nausea, noises, dizziness, bad sweats and holding on to my innards came about...I am certain and reckon I did have a vertigo attack earlier this afternoon. Have slept a larger portion of today than I would like to share, but then this appears to be my Meniere's MO.

I had full left-ear sensations earlier today, which just does not make sense. There are none of the parts that could create this symptom. My right ear has been swelling and popping as if I had been swimming...for hours and yet, have not been in the pool for weeks. Yet, still another oddity...the last surgery was to have assisted me with these full right ear sensations. I wait.

I did revert to an ole eating disorder secret I had years ago, in attempt to curb this bleeding nausea. I failed. The nausea is present with urgency.

As is the dizziness. I feel a band of dizziness around my inner head...a constant reminder to watch every step...navigate every turn on purpose...keep the night lights on. A dizzy person?

I feel the perspiration slide down my back...I am still and can see the wet spots on my grey t-shirt. I am in an air-conditioned house and am sweating as if exposed to the humid night out of doors. I have perspired more today than I have in a spell. If this does not ease up...I am uncertain as to what to do. Call and hold hands with my doctor or his assistant. I eat the pills, capsules and chemicals.

"Oh, isn't he such a fine patient." "Always so kind."...while all along, I look in the mirror...every day and see the who-I-was then to the what-the-fuck? today...damn near every-damn-day.

I am listening to crow-sized Cicadas in my right ear...so loud! So obnoxiously loud! I want to scream! If I scream loud enough will I stop hearing these foiken cicadas! If it was not for my Bride and hounds all asleep I would try. Think I'll yell and scream later...in the morn!

Have noticed that if I keep my mouth closed about these things, folks tend to leave me be. I am alone right now. Down right lonely too. Maybe if I stop talking about this disease and what the fuck it does to me...maybe folks go on and just leave me alone.

Yeah, I know...