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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

My Wiggle Eyes Have Contined

Dearest Doctor,

The "Wiggle" eye's have continued. I have also had the occasion to have the page I am reading at when ever time, seems to warp into another shape and form - and actually comes out at me in a warped cone shaped vision.

I can not describe this any better, nor paint a better picture.

The "Wiggle Eyes" trouble me in vision and in an ego sort of way - like, is somebody seeing my eyes wiggle about. Just like that too - like an almost jelled serving of jello, very wiggle-wiggle.

Well, my Kin Folk, Kindred, and Dearest Doctor's, if you suspect these peculiar events to be medically induced by a side affect of medicine or is it a Neurological issue stirred up by the many medications I am taking...

...and I promise, I am taking each and every medication as ordered by each and every doctor. Speaking of doctor and medication, I believe that I have now coordinated that all medications that are prescribed by a particular doctor for a medically necessary scenario, well then, I follow my doctors order's.

It's really simple like this. I have read other words from other Survivors of Meniere's Disease, I read there are many who take each and every pill like I do, while other's are prescribed a medicine and don't take it, some don't take any of their medications at all. My heart aches for these brothers and sisters and their Kin Folk.

Be well you all - I'm going for it!

Pulmonary-Critical Care Medicine, Stumbled - Near Fall, Meniere's Disease

Good Morning,

My name is Mario, and I welcome you to my blog that is essentially a tool with which I use to communicate with so many other people's. I am honored and I am humbled to have so many walk by my side, read my words and I believe to be praying for me and the battles I/We fight with health and emotions. I have considered many times how others with Meniere's Disease, stops by to check up on the Ole Hippie Dude who's losing hearing, and so much more. Sometimes I get so militant, I forget to settle down - going on and on and peppering my language with potty mouth. Please, never take offence, a crazy percentage of the time are matters that have my name written all over it. Oh, my dearest wife, Botswana! Every communique that is sent out from here is honest, straight from my heart and written by me, a simple goofy dude who is or has the following news to share today, 30 April 2014.

I have a Meniere's Disease which turned me into an individual who is Single Side Deaf and Hard of Hearing. The Meniere's affected both ears, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain and I did not know nor realize this, until the Meniere's was in both and we had already gone full speed ahead with my Left Ear and Skull. I bring Meniere's up first because I have been quite ill affected all day from symptoms and problematic side effects and ailments created by Meniere's. Having had this intoxicated-like-dizziness and nausea all day has been disgusting. My ears have had noises, music and sounds from both ears that also included several forms of bugs and winged creatures. So damned loud too. When this happens there's not much to do but hold on and keep focused the best one can...

...this afternoon at approximately 1315, I had a stumble about my Exam Room, but with the aid of my right good doctor and the furniture in there, we kept me from falling onto the floor. How embarrassing it was to need my quite slender doctor needing to direct me into and onto furniture. Oh, my I laughed in my heart and Spirit's, when my Good Doctor asked me, Oh Mario, please don't fall in the clinic, we both may have passed a small laugh now that I think about it. I weigh 255 pounds easy in my size 46, Levi's 501's Button Fly Jeans and my dear doctor weighs an easy 145 pounds. Oh, my good goodness and God Bless My Dear Doctor, Great Spirit. He has been with me since 1989 and it is so comforting to have a physician who truly has an idea of my life and my life style. I trust him. With my life and he has saved my live before. My Doctor.

Prior to face to face with my Doctor Pulmonary, I had a series of Breath Tests, and damned it! Even providing what I thought was above Par for the of course, I was rejected and my dear Doctor prescribed "three new medicines". Shit! Symbicort, Tudorzan and Singular. But you know what? It feels so easy in heart knowing there are doctors who still very much care for their patients. I know this because I'm blessed to have as many as I do. In the past here on this blog I have mentioned that I would rather breathe than smoke, shoooot, that remains same AND I see now at 54 just how important these innards are. Been, eight years since my last cigarette.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Betrayal? By This Mixed Blooded Me? Big Bear

Relations,

The number of days that have passed from the last time I was awake enough to be here and opening my heart was more than four or five days ago. I dislike the thoughts that come when the hyper-somnia hits me real tough - s symptom of Meniere's. In my Spirit's, these three or four days are days are zapped from my damned life! Health issues are going to require more surgery, more procedures, more pain and misery - but friends, I think now time to represent self whether I am able to make it to computer or not. I write this little piece below for all of the guests and readers who have stopped by. To take a read and catch a different side of someone living with Meniere's Disease. My heart and mind I have shared with every person who has passed through here. Me, a simple fellow with health issues. This Mixed Blooded fellow is me.

Betrayal? By This Mixed Blooded Me? (2014)

The scent of betrayal lays heavy in the
cool late afternoon air. It's not too far,
maybe right up that hill there. From time and
time again, I catch the scent of White Sage,
blessing, yes, loving, yes, caring? Yes.

Mama, said, keep the nose, eye's and ears -
wide open - up the best you can, hear? Walk
With A  Purpose, Our People Say.

The Big Bear,

who here within me, indicates by the
lifting of nostrils and wide eyes,
I am to keep them, my family safe and I safe.
Our den, our territory here in the preserve,
is sanctuary. We enjoy visits by many.
Friends, Family, Kin Folk and all -
for all to pray. Or not to pray. I do.

Even as my spirits, strike out at these diseases,
illnesses, and health issues. I wonder, I consider.
what the hell is My Mission? Am I to be? A freak?

How is it I am such a warrior? I have a titanium
implant sticking out from the left side of my skull.
How is it? I question myself to see myself from
the back of my thick skull. I do have an
awesome Scar, eh? A metal plate here too. Eh?
I question, could even I keep a good house as a
Two Spirit? I don't know.
and No, my Brother's and Sister's,
I have not yet done my Vision Quest.

Oh, I am embarrassed by this, I'm still young,
Who says I can't have my first Vision Quest now!
Or soon or sooner. All I have to do is make sure
I don't go to grab hold of the 'hot' cow fence'

Is it me, who has betrayed, Me? This Wonderful Mixed Blooded Me?
By continuing to permit the prejudice towards
Us, Who Are Mixed Blooded. Treated different, and indifferent,
but listen, We'll Always Be Underfoot. So please, check it out,
You can read about truths here. Life Happens.

I am a disabled One. The Warrior in my Spirit's
remembers the songs and the beats of the old people.
My tax paid working days began when I was 12.
I worked until late in my forty's. Working wonderful job!
So learn this, all the stories now are to share with younger ones.
Our Wonderful Elders who are here with us share the story's.

I say again and remember, I am no longer in mourning.
I will strive to have better days - it is ultimately within
my business plan. To Live, Healthy, Happy and Feel the Love!

As my beautiful Abuela Mary would have wanted. For ever and ever,
My Heart is Yours, my beautiful and forever sweet, Grandmother.
Oh, how I loved you Grandmother. You will remain with me
until I exhale my last breath. Abuela, is Grandmother in Spanish.

I have no more to say.

I've Logged Off Two Social Networks, Focus On Family, Meniere's, Warrior's

 Dearest Kin Folk, And Kindred Ones,

Please, let me share and inform, maybe even report something or two. Yes, good Kin Folk stuff and friendship stuff and mighty happy reunions, but Honey's, there's no room for drama here. My One Right Good Bad Ear Hole, longs to hear voices. I so wish I could have a chat with Mom and talk rubbish over coffee and her biscuits. Oh, my. But in my heart, I recognize something is happening here. I don't want to give too much credit to the medicine company's. You know? The Great Spirit and I, are hard at work here.

First of all, I wanted to share that I have logged off of two Internet social networks. The Time on My Path, requires more connecting with The Great One, The Angels and Saints. I begin to work on and strive to have less drama in my day to day and tip-tapping on my dear slow-ass machine here, just wouldn't be acceptable at this time. God Bless us though! WHO? I do want more time with my Bride Botswana, I am certain this topic is an influence in my lack of pen-men ship for months. A writers block that has reflected hard on my Self and it reflects negatively on me and I try harder and push myself harder to not bring too much drama myself. Ah! Silly Ass! I mean, it's just I don't have time for games and other peoples shit and their drama is their drama is more drama. Shoot, there's really enough in mine, ya know?. Pinkie Promise. This change in me, which has just come about over the past couple days, and I feel as if I have lost some weight. Good-goodness. There's no doubt that if time permitted, I would master some of these things in technology and become just as stealth as my daughters, and even my seven year old and ten year old Baby Sister Boy's! Oh Yes, and yes, they're Rock Stars! And, I love them with all my heart. Oh America, to have had same as I love my First Nephew, 1017, who is Father of two of my most beautiful Pretty, Pretty Princess Nieces in All of the USA and Canada. Oh, I am such a very Proud Uncle of many. I am Blessed to once again, do what ever this comes down to, with the talking and exchange of what is it we are to do with my current state of health and make it stronger. All of the this and that's too, all this and that. I say, please, I have been blessed with just a bit of knowledge let me use now, and well, I haven't felt this happy in a long long time. My young nieces, and nephews teach me, my Wife is the absolute very best good friend forever too! I love this feeling in my system, it's a hard to express love from another time, and living it in the present.

I am no longer in mourning. A happiness not felt in years has raised to the surface a time in my heart and spirit's when the good things that happen are too few. I admit that, I have going on, oh my dears must remain in my area of energy and aura. Oh, what feelings I have had bounce about in my head, I welcome happiness back into my life. I am curious if they know this. (The Little Folk of The Forest). I wish to travel soon, like maybe after surgeries and implants and more changes have been coordinated, ensure all, we have done is properly and awesomely wrapped around my sweet thick ass skull at this very moment. My face feels good to smile, and my chest feels a wonderful Earthly beat in my Center. Soon though, maybe, a disengagement of sorts. Such as in disengaging. Stopping for a few minutes. And of yes, Kin Folk, even if it's just up down South a little while. Head over to Tennessee a spell. Or damned something! This drama. The illnesses and diseases. The things NOT to say to folks who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Or sick to near fainting from the fucking Meniere's Disease. For shits sake, Ma'am, I am doing my damned best. So, I'll continue. All know is that every piece of my life form, understands it's time for a nice holiday. Lord, Disengage Time, please?.

I am reunited! I am happy and in turn, wish to pass some little along. There have been many changes come to battle me and My Path and life. These damned illnesses, much battle and Wars are all over me. On my breath, sleep, pain, and hope. But, I push on! Sometimes I push with every bit of my energy. I speak and may share about this damned Meniere's, that today for example, has had freaking birds or the prairie singing in my Left Deaf Ear. I am an Anomaly, per my Brother and Fine Good Doctor, He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I'm special when I hear that word. I feel special when I hear it any ways. You see, once upon a time, Good Doctor, sawed into my skull - an extraordinary experience! I trust my doctor with my life.

Sometime let odd stuff go in my head, unimportant it seem, until something about the body scream. To push and push and to push and push and push, pushing until so many fell into the water and swept up the stream. I give the War Cry. And I Cry for the One's who have died before me. I have pushed wanting to scream I was the Warrior who scalped Custer's tent mate! (Custer was not scalped)

I am truly trying to be more and more of a happy individual. I have long been a positive one. And it is I who have found peace in many areas of my life and My Path. I know what Serenity feels like, I know what Serenity smells like. I am blessed, you see? My dearest sisters. My dearest Aunts and cousins. My Beautiful Wife of 44 years, my awesome daughters who can handle their shit. Oh, God, time pass us on by again, you know.

I am walking the Path of Forgiveness. Forgiving others as I say you, who I have offended in words or deeds, or of remaining silent when I could have spoken words, I ask your Forgiveness. I ask for Great Father's Forgiveness. My work here on Mother Earth is not done yet. There are many story's to be shared with them who come next. As I begin to work on this Spiritual Energy of Forgiving others is a mighty tough process. I struggle greatly letting all go - then let it go. Again, until what I want out is gone.

I am A Survivor. I am a Warrior, and I am a Christian fellow. I am of a Mixed Blooded Group, Horrible and dreadful things had been done to me and my Family's through our Family History. I believe in My One God, and God, spreads blessings upon us all who spread love and peace amongst our People. In this case, God, has included many. Family, our neighbors and helpful folks.

Great One, for me, the greatest test of all is learning to forgive my self, I am so unworthy,

Heavenly One?

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

I Am Reporting Officially, "Wiggle Eye's"

Kindred One's,

I am reporting and wish to tip-tap a note to self, I am wanting to share with family to see if this is something they have had diagnosed or if they have a similar wiggle with their eye's. Kin Folk and Kindred, and through this report, am prepared to get with my Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, about this issue that appears to be becoming more and more so problematic. Damned sad too, especially if this is a direction I am headed in, as One living with Meniere's Disease amongst other illnesses and the symptoms that travel along side..

Let me share that I do not drive. it has been years since I have taken the steering wheel of a car. With potential for an attack or the high possibility to fall into a state of dizziness is just to dangerous. I know this disturbing trend, with wiggling eyes could be nothing but trouble.

Over this past year or so, I have developed in both eyes what I call "abrupt wiggling" of one eye or another. Theses wiggles always happens up and down and are maddening. No reading while having this rubbish happen. The wiggles occur up to down, not across. My vision has been impaired and I am of the understanding that it is necessary to purchase yet another pair of glasses soon.

Poop! Damn it!

This is an Official Report. Officially.

New Surgical Date In Place, A Call From Moffitt Cancer Center

Survivors of Meniere's Disease, my Kin Folk and Kindred One's,

Good Evening and well wishes from my home to yours.

I did find out via telephone from Moffitt Cancer Center this afternoon at 1445, the date and time scheduled for my next surgical procedure. Our gathering will take place on 14 May 2014. Oh sure, less than one month away, but oh yes, I will be calling clinic tomorrow morning to have my case expedited and have a  very better connected conversation with One on the other end of telephone. I was just not here, inside me. I believe that it is urgent to really speak with my Nurse, and speak with her, with a clear and urgent state of being. With much respect and help, I am too going to call. Oh my, body and its innards are in such disgusting ways and places today, when it comes to the pains that wrench my human form, every day of my life, there are pains that range from my inner ear spasms, my facial spasms, that then works in a downward fashion. To my ankles. My Voice had changed into a deep, throat tattling, and upper chest vibration.

Being stirred from a very deep rapid eye movement sleep had me bit disoriented, and seemed to have left me numb and heavy limbed. Oh, the pains from my neck and cervical seem to extend itself way down the side of my left torso/body and leg. My scalp burned and my lower lumbar spins hurts me like it owns me. Some of these incidents occurred and it was a disgusting sensation to be in, my self-talk sucks and I wasn't exactly on loving terms of endearment exchange at these times. Oh, my.

My Dearest Good Guest, I am sitting here smiling and having the confidence that soon we will return to the surgical room. Which takes place at 1445 on that date. Yes, yes, less than one month away and I wish and hope that I might have this over and done with next week. Even if it were to be necessary to flip flop schedules about.

Right. So then, as it stands, my next schedule surgery is 14 May 2014 at 1445. My Bride of Decades will be with me. This time I shall bring along my BAHA, for my left Deaf Ear, and bring along one of my stuffed buddy's. Maybe Woody, or Pee Wee Herman, or a stuffed animal from home. Look, no bull chips, just knowing that we have reached for it with the Real McCoy, lets me know we are on alert. Now this makes me a bit anxious. I mean, you do know I am anxious and Deaf and Hard of Hearing, eh? Have met a few recently who did not know either.

Me with a Moon Crater chiseled out my scalp and metal sticking out of my skull way like this.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Asthma + Meniere's Disease, + Neurological Pains, And Cervical Spine Issues, And So On And So On...

I have prayed for many minutes because I could not gain a control of my breath. All I wanted to do was blog. When it comes to the technology, I always get all frustrated when stuff like that happens. I mean, I am a goof-ball when it comes to too much technology. I am here now, for me. and my Family and that's all that matters to me. Me being here in one of my safe places in our lodge. The early hours of morning have come about, I can hear the call of the Night Bird, every once in a bit. I am in our middle South Room, where I am able to access my Kin via computer. I would very much like a move to another spot, but I know that my dear Bride would go all scandal magazine on me. This simple old computer is my access to the World and our Mother Earth. To connect with all who are my Brothers and Sisters, my cousins, our Elders, by an actual connect via space - yes, this is old and I tip-tap, but I assure you all of this still blows my mind.

Since the 25 of February 2014, there was much turmoil in my life, a very stressful, bitter and sad time to be. Since I knew there was going to be a surgery on my cervical spine I thought okay lets go and I sure did think I had it all under control about the reality of some One, poking all about and into my cervical spine, my back bone. Was like, so no really. Oh Goodness. So I suppose because there has been some self appointed late fees to be paid by the emotional and self esteem budget's are operating in the red as it is. Then, since 27 March, I cut myself off from too much out here. I am well aware, Wanda, that I let myself go and get too deep into and inside my head which is protected by this exceptionally thick hard skull. I know this as fact because my surgeon informed me so. I feel myself melting inside. I am Human. I am a Warrior and a Survivor, yes. There is so much going on in my life at this time that I must gather strategy's for my time on Earth Mother by maintaining a calendar for appointment control. Oh, yes, sometimes it gets hectic, but I am here. and my appointments are important to me. And personal too.

My Warrior Grand Father's, who have fought for our country, generation after generation. Including my Dad as a Navy Boy! Oh how I so wish and how bad is it that I need to listen to my Dad speak about being positive and not giving up. Dad, tell me to work hard! Tell me Dad, to take care of myself, and take care of my business.

Before Meniere's Disease invaded my being, I was operating Million Dollar Starbucks Coffee Company stores, and I had a Team with me that was a Dream Team of Starbucks Partners. What a bond, friendships for life, and while with each other observe our lives with each others ears. We were a damned good Team. I feel the companies and doctors and businesses I am with now, are My Dream Team. My Professors, the many Doctors, Specialists, Nurses, Lab Techs and scientists, the front office staff and every member who works with any particular clinic have carried me here. Sir Dude, my therapist has helped me like a Boss, helping me fight the fights raging within.

My lungs have become problematic, so I do as my right good doctor say do. He's my doctor, I don't want to fight to breath, I want to breath with ease. I love life! I want to feel good and be happy! Yes!

Call For Surgical Appointment Did Not Make It Over The Wire, Tomorrow? Speak Of BAHA

Kindred Ones,

The call I was asked to anticipate never rang. Disappointed, I was yes, but I am okay.

I am still of the mind and energy set to let us get this work going on now while I'm still young and be able to have fun with my Life. My Wife. I have a good sense of a life style, and I would love one not too heavy on the drama and not too-too light on sharing love within our Family Circles. We do not grow any younger as my days pass me on by. I pray for forgiveness from any and all Family and Kin Folk I may have said anything disrespectful or led One to believe such negative vibes when silence plays a roll. Then, with all those damned Meniere's Voices and Sounds living between these two ears of mine. I am aware I may have a certain way operate and talk from time to time. I might, maybe One who speaks swiftly with some ways of Talking that are meant simply to communicate with my heart to yours and the Hearts of many I hope. Ours. I really would look forward to and wish to have the old walkabouts I used have - right here back in Life with Me. I do so have a love for Family, I am feeling a Rebirth of the Love of and for My Family, beyond my dear souse, Botswana, and my daughter's. My Hounds. Well it was just not that damned long ago, two years maybe, all of us were united and reunited as Familia and Kindred One's. Again, Family Survive by the Crossing of Paths! I so celebrate this and it feels so good. Oh yes, it feels good and happy to know "We", All of My Teams Combined and I are working on this as a Whole Damned Happy Team. I feel it and it feels good. My Team, in quick step forward march!

It feels so too good to be this excited. Please, I am afraid of sabotaging my health goals. by the influence out of my circles. I Silently Scream for My Arch Angel Michael, please come and protect my bride and I. Love and Protect My Children. Keep us focused on keeping on keeping on. I love that to Deaf! The Hopes, prayers, and wishes that have come in via so many media out-lets, let me know that I am mind blown! To have so much wonderful and sincere love sent my way has been very truly touching to my Core, and Oh, thank you, my dearest friends and family! What an awesome feeling to have this opportunity, to dream -  in the light of day or the Dark of Night, about my healing that's going on! I have a will to live and I am happy to be here. Rather than the last year or so, my heart is in a good place and ready to move on. For God's Sake, it is time to get back out here and share my heart, life and mind, with Folks. Write a bit, oh, I miss this connecting with Kindred One's and Kin Folk who have connected with me over years before the Deafness. I am still good at sharing respect and love, to One and All.

once upon a time, my bride and I still had a dream and hoped and prayed that our travels to the reservation would drive us insane with anticipation and happiness. Soon. Seen?

Work at Moffitt is ramping up. I am stumped still, but there has been much work with my Meniere's Disease and the symptoms that come along with it. My Pulmonologist, He-Who-Has-Saved-My-Life, is very much back in the mix of my Life's Sound Track. I am Deaf and very Hard of Hearing sometimes My Communications will be sharpened by wearing my BAHA.  My Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Which is a Cochlear Product every time I am conducting any form of business. For any day. Oh Great One, Bless my doctor's knowledge and his hands of and for healing. Sometimes true Miracles occur, like the times he has saved my life. We have known one and another near thirty years, as we've watched each other and our Family's grow. This is an Honorable Gift to me that I am unable to share or explain, it is very much a Family like Love. This is the way we Greet each other at Doctor's Clinic. I am humbled. I want to breathe and I want to live. I know what it feels like to be choked and can't breath and I have had Asthma attacks that took my breathe away. Like, my breathe was gone. No breath, and how damned horrific that it!

I wish to pray a prayer of thanks for Dr. George Foreman, MD, EMT, all of those many years ago it was he who fought steadfast along side of me, and fought hard indeed. He also performed surgery in my sinuses in search of what ever it were causing all of an entire undiagnosed disease, that had all confused. The Medical Professionals, and I the patient in a dreadful pain and then, it at this time that Dr. Foreman, highly recommended Doctor He-Who-Touched-My-Brain. I am Blessed and Honored to have this Ultra Incredible Dream Team involved with my life. All of us working diligently, we are all working with a purpose and with such fantastic love and care, that I feel as if my Patient Number is beginning to Matter, as just not long ago I felt like cattle being rounded up. Strict and steadfast confidentiality is a strict pulse of the hearts of the Professional who are working with me. My feeling is that I am well protected and respected here. I say, this as what I am beginning to experience is an extraordinary Better Health, Spiritual, and Emotional Care Team. This coming from Professionals who are sharing these qualities as an accompaniment to their Legendary TLC and Services.

So, the call from Surgical Coordinator will take place come the morrow. I'm okay with that.

Just Recieved Call From Moffitt, Another Surgery Awaits, And My BAHA

Greetings to All Guests,

A communique to report that I have just received a call from Moffitt Cancer Center and have been asked to expect a call from the Center's Surgical Coordinator. The last surgical procedure was a test. I was admitted into Moffitt, on 18 April 2014, for a test. A block of some sort, which has left me very bruised and I feel as if I got my ass whooped from the inside out! It's the damned truth! Oh My God, it's the truth indeed!

Going into such surgical procedures unable to hear, in retrospect was damned scary and very irresponsible. But what was I to do? I was asked to leave them at home. Oh though, I must wear at least the one, I would say the best case scenario would be my BAHA, my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. Good-damned-day, I require my Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, on the side of my skull so I can hear what is being said. Oh Shit! The 'oh shits' that I could have let happen!

Any who, let me go. I'm expecting the call that will lead me to changing my life in awesome ways. Thanks for being here for a chat. If not for my  Young Nurse, on the telephone earlier today, taking a minute to ask me questions - she realized an error.  My Heart is Full.

Sir., so now, I am to prepare to have another surgical procedure, this time with the "Real McCoy", medication within the syringes that touch and hurt my spine. Weird. And I feel as if I have been a Jackass. And no, it's not so nice at all. Dude? Four days later, I realize I winged a serious surgical procedure, and played with my health because I went at it Deaf And Hard Of Hearing!?

Thank you Great Spirit! Thank you God! Thank you for my Super Team at Moffitt! If not for the nurse I just spoke with, I more than likely would have done the same thing with this next surgical procedure.

Oh yes, my Grand Ole BAHA, will be sticking out the side of this hard head of mine.

Surgical Procedure At Moffitt, The Sierra Pit Crew, Meniere's, and I'm Happy

Greetings,

A Quick Note Please:

The latest group to be added to my Better Health Care Team, is this one extraordinary team who coordinated and conducted the surgical procedure I had at Moffitt Cancer Center morning of 18 April 2014. Today is the 22 of April, and I must say that I am happy with the way things have begun to work out. My good, goodness! It is this morning, when I woke on a natural clock and thus far do not have the need to sleep. Should it come up, I'll turn up the stereo, take a task - like a pitcher of Sun brewed Tea, for my Ole Southern Mixed Breed Bride herself. My Georgia Peach.

I stood with bare feet, planted on Mother Earth, listening to my feathered cousins in my neighborhood, observing this cute tiny black grass hopper climb a wall, can't hear beyond my block but that's okay. Feeling the coolness of morning, the cool water on the grass blades. So I stood there speculating, considering and contemplating where it is I am in life and I truly believe I am getting somewhere with-in my Spirit's and The Deepest of Deep, my Inner Realm of Life and living, so finally. I am at a point where I cam forgive the perpetrators in my life. You see, there was once a time when there were too grown people doing too many dreadful things done on to me that were hurtful and happened to me so too young in life. All of which simply turned both hemispheres of my brains into a mushed wasteland. Inside the head of a child not much older than a toddler - all the way through adulthood and then later, as if life was imitating an earlier time of my life. Abuse was back in my life. Bullshit stuff, to be abused and stalked again later in this life was far from uncanny. I wish to curse at this point in my chat, but have decided not to, or perhaps I can say, hell no, but oh, my dearest guests, I forgive him too. And I am happy.

Kindred One's. I know I have had to make amends myself in the past. For my ignorance or my irresponsible decision's I made as a youth. I know that I have My God, Who has forgiven me and has shown me the Light. The One God, who has shown me the way, A New Life, My Path. It is this Very Great Spirit, who gives me hope and faith that someday these types of illnesses and diseases that I deal with every-damned-day of my life, are no longer such a curse to my body, mind and body. And Spirit's too, them who dwell within me and the realms of which my Bride and I inhabit. I am happy about my Spiritual Reality. I am happy with the Relationship I have with Great One, I have no desire to Church Surf. None, but am aware I have a church home first of all here where I sit. And, I am an Episcopalian .

Oh yes, my doctor's nurse called me earlier this morning and I have returned her call and await with a bit of an uneasy seat.

By the way, the small lesion at the tip of my lumbar spine. We are not focusing or working on any form of cancer at this time. Oh yes, we have had blood work done and x-rays and what knot's. This team of mine here at Moffitt!  I am happy to report My Surgical Team, seemed like special forces and were crazy good and what a blessing to have had such a positive and happy environment. Cheerful voices, some laughter, and my doctors awesome voice reminding me stay still Mario. Mario, Stay Still. Bless his heart. Oh, Bless His Heart!

24 hours prior to my surgical procedure -  I had my day and night, and subsequent morning where it seemed as if my clock-with-in had my mind and it was bouncing it all over and taking set. Since, I have slept too much, which is actually - pretty steady twenty hour days here for me is same symptom as a Meniere's attack. Well hell, now that I think about it, I came out of and was active within as if I had an attack. But look, and really, I never! Never had a doctor inject and squiggle about a needle in my spine. Never! My Good Right Doctor would say, "Stay still Mr. Sierra". I honestly had to damned focus on not moving. Ohhhh, it was a task. Kindred, I am happy we drove up onto the campus. It's a tough on because this is where my Dad, came to receive Cancer Treatment while it killed him slowly. For shits sake! Not a good association. We arrived to campus approximately 0700 and arrived to surgical waiting room shortly there after. Things were moving straight along as it was described to be. Absolutely awesome!

But then, there was a 'hic-cup' in the system. This is when the doctor and nursing staff permitted another patient to take "my scheduled spot". Yes. No, I did not challenge, this is not my hospital. For my Guests who have read my blog in the past, it is well known that I am a Mixed Breed - one of them 'obvious mixed breeds', and I take shit like this personally, but so what!  I waited just a wee a bit longer, because My Team operates like a Daytona 500 Pit Crew! What an awesome team - even with the scheduling over site. I am happy.

I am in damned pains. Damn it! I hurt and am bruised from the bones out. This is the way of the medicine I am informed. Now I know, and as damned yucky as I feel, I refuse to sleep. Damned Meniere's! Today I feel successful verses all of this and in my Soul, I am happy.

I am alive. Today is an excellent day to die! But, it is also a great day to be alive! And damn it, I am happy to be here! That will to live is creeping back up and into me. Ohhhhh, yes!

Peace, love, and more peace, you all. Please?

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Inner Ear Spasms

I have had Inner Ear Spasms for years. Something, like these spasms can rock a persons way of life. As this has rocked mine and my families and friends way of life. I mean, for shits sake, I know I'm not the same old me too damned much, but friends, let me say something about the sound of the train as it passes my trailer house out side of Galveston. It feels really weird to have the very Earth Mother tremble beneath our feet.

These spasms, are so deep and so wide in diameter that I am unable to figure out how much space I am speaking of. My Facial Spasms have increased in amount of spasms and power of the FACIAL SPASM! Dearest One's, you know that doesn't make a bit of sense to me and the direction I walk in this life of mine...

...and what a wonderful Life this has been! I love Life! I miss My Life!

There are many times when I consider the oddities of life being Deaf and hard of Hearing. Oh, poop! I must remember to speak with doctor about implant and plate in skull. I want to say more than poop, you know? Poop. Poop. Poop! Okay then. Because this is maddening.

The pains that are generated by these spasms are so severe that all of life must stop. I rub and manipulate and massage as much as I can. My fingers punk out, Dear One's, come Friday, morning everything changes with life and muscles, and better self care and motivation to push. Team Moffitt will be putting me to nite-nite and hook up my back. Please? Please? Seen.

I am thinking about another tattoo. No $$, LOL!! One with a musical note with the not working sign layed across it. So cool! No, I don't hear in this ear, so please, don't get bitter if I have to ask you more than once to repeat something. Eh? I mean, please. How in the world does someone want to be Deaf? Camel Poop! Please. Post Surgery? I am scared. I am really. Oh, God. But, I can't live with this torture any longer. Thank you! Thank You Team Moffitt!! Thank you Kin!!

Meniere's Disease Changes Everything, Life Changes

I was talking with my hound Ting-Ting yesterday and as I was talking I took a moment, we were looking out the back window where we watch the Butterflies flutter and my bird cousins stop by for a meal or a sip of water as they just happen to be passing by. Their 7-11. Seen.

We had a sweet, sudden shower that lasted forty five minutes. A furious storm, with winds and hard falling rains that with the cement pond created it's own tide as the waves in the pool swayed to and fro. The crystal clear water is tempting, but is really just to cold yet. Yes, I'm a damned native. Any ways, Oh, yes! Ting-Ting and I were watching the out of doors when I went to speak I made a respiratory noise, and caught my poor Lady Ting-Ting so bad off guard all she could do was stop what she was doing, and take a peak at Grandpa to make sure everything was cool like that.

No drama, no scandal, no discotheque's. Life forever changed. When breath is stopped, your vomiting, sweating, crying in the rubbish bin, Meniere's Disease, changes every-damned-thing.
With this War against my Meniere's Disease, there is an entire team dedicated to this area of my Patient Care and this being a Specialist, I am receiving quality care from Top Notch Professionals. I also have the Neurological Pains and torture that make me cry and wish for President Clinton to stop by to give me a massage. My goodness, have you seen, my ole young President Bill Clinton's wonderful looking hands and fingers? Shoot, I would ask my Brother Clinton, Sir would you please, offer an excellent shoulder and neck passage? Please Sir., I am in such pain that this sucks so bad! Kin Folk, Kindred, and All In Our Blood, the hornets nest done got stirred and damn it if I'm not stuck within the walls of these brains, and these thick ass cement walls of my Lodge. Getting such a massage, 'pins and needles', and pain centers prolong the healing process. I have a doctor at Moffitt Cancer Center, who with God's Blessings will protect me and guide the hands of all doctor's, fellow's, and nurse', there for surgery. For 'all' of these highly trained professionals. My Professor recommended Doctor-With-A-Name-Like-Mine. Classy. God, please pass along a message to your Son, My Lord And Savior, Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus, please, be in there with me and sit near by. Maybe a talk, a face-to-face? Love

Mr. Bernie Mac, I miss you like my Kin Folk. Damned bad Bernie. America!